I Live For You

Chapter Six – Goodbye Imouto-san

Shuichi (POV)

The next day was horrible. Yuki took me to my parent’s house. They weren’t too pleased with my appearance, but like I said, I can do what I like now. Even though they didn’t like it, they were happy to see me.

We talked about the usual stuff first, how I’ve been, ect. Then we talked about Maiko and the funeral. My mom broke down and cried, so she had to excuse herself. My dad told me the time of the funeral, and said he wanted Yuki and me to ride in the car with them, so we would have to come here first.

Its weird that there so close to Yuki. Since I’ve been away they’ve been spending a lot of time together, my parents apparently had Yuki over for dinner a lot. I wonder if he was dating Maiko.

I look at him and frown, jealousy clawing its way through me. He meets my eyes, but I turn my face away. I don’t think I want to know. When mom came back, I hugged her and dad, and Yuki and I left.

I couldn’t look at Yuki for the rest of the day. I kept picturing him with my sister. He tried to get me to talk to him a few times, but I locked myself in my room. I smoked so many joints, my eyesight ended up burry, and I drank a whole bottle of whisky.

By the evening I had new cuts gracing different parts of my body, and I was stoned and drunk to the point that I didn’t know what I was doing. I vaguely remember leaving my room, but I collapsed as I walked into the front room.

--

I woke with a major hangover. I also looked like shit. I had a nice hot shower, and took some aspirin. When I was dressed, I went into the kitchen and had a cup of coffee.

My mom made me promise to take out my eyebrow piercing for the funeral, so I respected her wishes. I don’t know how I’m going to get through today. I light a cigarette to calm my nerves.

Yuki came into the kitchen 15 minutes before we had to leave. I couldn’t look at him. I think I remember him picking me off the floor last night and putting me to bed. He also undressed me, so he saw all the cuts on my body.

To my relief he didn’t say anything. He sat opposite me with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. The sadness in me grew until it felt like my chest was going to explode.

As we were driving towards my parent’s house, I could feel his eyes on me, but I felt to ashamed to look at him. How could anyone look at me knowing what I’ve done to myself? It makes me sick to my stomach to have to look at the scars and cuts.

When we get to my parents house, the car with my sister’s coffin is parked outside. I look at it and feel my heart pounding. I have to close my eyes and takes deep breaths. I don’t push Yuki away when he puts his arm around my shoulders. I lean into him, letting him comfort me.

I hug my mom and dad, and then we get in the car and drive to the church.

--

The service was beautiful. various people got up and said a few words. I never realised how many friends she had. It’s strange, but I can’t cry. I can’t even force myself to cry.

I can tell everyone’s looking at me. I guess because I’m not crying they think I might do something stupid, or I’ll sink into a depression or whatever. I still couldn’t cry as we made our way to the cemetery.

We all stood around the hole in the ground and watched as the coffin was lowered into it. I stood and watched it all like a statue, my eyes cold. Ever since my parents told me about the accident, I’ve had a weird feeling that everyone’s been keeping something from me.

I can tell by the way they give me subtle glances. It didn’t really register until now. I look at Yuki, and by the way he’s looking at me, I know he’s in on it too. It’s like a fucking conspiracy.

When I look back, everyone, and I mean everyone is looking at me. Fuck this, if no ones going to tell me, then I’m going to find out what happened myself. I turn away from everyone’s prying eyes and make my way out of the cemetery.

I don’t look back, not even when I hear my mom calling my name. I keep waking until I see a cab. I flag it down and give my destination.