Secret Confessions

It had been weeks since that night that Regna visited Kaworu. Regna had been plotting his next moves for Shinji and Kaworu had been avoiding Shinji during this time. He wanted time to heal and he kept busy by helping out Keiko, losing himself in his job. Shinji became worried and would call him every night before going to bed only to get a cheerful answering machine. Mana tried to help Shinji through his ordeals; she invited to take him to a coffee shop which he forcibly took up the offer.

They would meet each other at the city park and head down to the shop together today.

“I’m going off to meet with Mana mom!” Shinji yelled, shutting the apartment door and heading to the streets. He followed the main streets, watching cars zip by until he spotted a young woman in a plain white dress with a hat to keep out the sun’s rays.

“Hello Shinji.” Mana said as she started walking down a side street. Shinji soon followed,

“Thank you for offering to take me.” Shinji said flustered, he remembered his last conversation with Mana.

How he asked her to forgive him for loving Kaworu and how she accepted their love for one another. Soon enough they arrived at a street café, there were cutesy white chairs and white tables. Even the waiters and waitresses wore fancy uniforms, black bowties and a vest with dress pants and shoes. Shinji and Mana took a seat on the street side of the café waiting for a server.

I know this place, it feels familiar some how…Shinji thought, then it hit him when the waiter arrived.

“Hello, welcome to Le Café de Rue, I’ll be your waiter for the day. Care for any drinks?” the server said with a smile.

“I’ll take an iced mocha, what about you Shinji?” Mana asked. Shinji grew more and more embarrassed and squeaked,

“I’ll have a café au lait.” The waiter left to get their order and returned with the drinks. He placed the iced mocha by Mana and the café au lait by Shinji, bowed his head and respectfully spoke,

“Thank you so very much Mana for cheering up Shinji for me.” He smiled.

“It’s no problem Kaworu just don’t expect me to explain everything about you to him. You have to take the initiative; we both know Shinji will only follow his master’s orders.” Mana winked. Shinji became more and more flushed from their conversation.

“Well I’ll leave you two alone now,” and Kaworu returned to waiter the tables.

“Sorry to put you on the spot Shinji, but I know you feel that he has been avoiding you lately…there’s nothing wrong between you and him it’s just, he’s needed some space to think.” Mana lectured to Shinji: Kaworu 101.

“But…why doesn’t he tell me? I mean being in a relationship…shouldn’t I not be kept in the dark?” Shinji said concerned, he took a sip of his drink staring off to spy on Kaworu in his uniform.

“You have to let time affect him; he won’t open up that easily. Trust me. I’ve pried my fair share of things out of Kaworu. You could say that you Shinji hold the key to this world,” Mana giggled. She finished her iced mocha and ran off to pay the bill; she left a considerable tip for Kaworu. I’m the key…to the world? I just don’t get it, all the things Regna said and showed me. And now Mana acting weird, I feel like I’m caught up in the balance of the universe or something. But, I know that it’s more like a typical romance; damn it I want things to change! Then there wouldn’t be any angels and everyone could live happily, especially Kaworu and me.

Shinji was finishing his drink when the café was hit by a tremor; Shinji looked up and saw a serpent like monster. It was stories high, had a red gem in the middle of its evil head and had whip-like tentacles that were cutting up buildings.

“Crap an Angel!” Shinji shouted, he looked and Kaworu was running down the street along with Mana to NERV HQ. Shinji burst into a sprint to catch up; heading passed the security doors and elevators to the EVA cages. Shinji, Kaworu, Mana, Asuka, and Rei got changed and went into their EVAs.

“…orders Commander?” Misato said to Gendou.

He had his head leaning against his hands, looking at the screen.

“Put Shinji and Rei out to attack, Asuka will back both units up. Mana and Kaworu stay here as back up.” He smirked. Misato nodded,

“Understood sir, EVA units 00, 01, and 02…launch!” she shouted. Shinji reached the Angel first; he pulled out a precision knife from his EVA’s shoulders. He tried and tackled the Angel down only to get a tentacle wrapped around him.

Electricity shocked through Shinji and the EVA sending screams across the monitors. Rei grabbed a rifle and began firing at the Angel; it sent its other tentacles to cut up the rifle. Before it could, a bullet pierced its red gem sending a frightening alien shriek. Asuka came up from behind and grabbed onto the Angel, gripping it tighter and tighter till its snake like body snapped and blue blood dripped. Shinji became free and pierced through the red gem, his precision knife shaking the Angel’s insides.

Shinji’s eyes caught a glimmer of a man on top of the Angel, looking down at Shinji. Once the red gem lost its hue the man disappeared and Shinji became fearful of what was to come. The EVAs returned to the cage and Shinji along with Asuka and Rei exited to the locker rooms. Shinji found Kaworu sitting down on a bench, still in his plug suit waiting for him.

“Hey Shinji” Kaworu said with a smile.

“Where’s Mana, Asuka?” Rei asked, all dressed in her school uniform.

“God if I know, why’d you ask that oh wonder girl?” Asuka slandered.

Shinji finished getting dressed, him and Kaworu walked passed the cages. Mana’s blue EVA began to shake the room. Shinji lost his balance and fell over close to the railing. Kaworu raced over only to have Shinji taken away by Mana’s EVA. It picked up Shinji like a pencil, carefully holding him tight but not squeezing Shinji. The EVA moved onto the launch pad and rose to Tokyo-3.

“Shit.” Kaworu said under his breath, careless to put his plug suit back on Kaworu jumped into his EVA. Walked over to another launch pad and followed Mana upward. Everyone at NERV was unaware or had left after the first crisis ended.

“Give back Shinji Mana!” Kaworu screamed at Mana’s EVA.

“Kaworu you know as much as I do, and now that Shinji killed my angel the soul I have taken has awakened. I can become an angel just like…” before Mana could finish Kaworu lunged forward breaking the EVA’s arm off that held Shinji.

Shinji stirred from his unconsciousness, he had fainted due to the sudden shock of Mana’s kidnapping.

“Shinji you have to decide, change the world for yourself or to fight to keep it the same. I will fight to prove that this world should never have existed. A life without angels just can’t happen in real life. So…wake up Shinji! Realize what is in front of you.” Even though Shinji couldn’t see he knew Mana was smiling and then she self-destructed herself inside the EVA. Destroying a good few blocks of Tokyo-3, Shinji was safe because Kaworu’s EVA blocked most of the blast. Misato came on the communicator screaming at Kaworu,

“What just happened!? Why did Mana’s EVA explode? EXPLAIN Nagisa!” Shinji soon slipped into a slumber in the hands of an EVA. Shinji woke up to floating, not in air but in an orange liquid he knew to be LCL.

Shinji swam to the surface and found he was in a part of NERV he never visited before. It was a vast empty space but there was a lot of containers full of LCL and above it looking overall, was a giant nailed to a red cross. He looked at the mask the white giant wore, memorizing the symbol. Shinji looked in front of him and a few feet away a woman naked with long black hair gazed at him, her crimson eyes catching the sapphire in Shinji.

She walked over to Shinji and embraced him, her breasts squishing against Shinji’s body.

“Wha!?” Shinji spat flustered.

“Oh brave soul, my poor child you have been through much. You are caught between great endeavors, soon the sides will show and you will make a choice. Be true to yourself my love.” The woman said, her voice calming Shinji and he closed his eyes.

Shinji opened his eyes and he was on his bed, in his apartment squished between Kaworu and a pillow. Kaworu moved the pillow and looked at Shinji,

“Awake I see” he smiled.

“You gave Misato and me quite a scare; I had to stop her from making me do her paperwork on this dilemma to carry you home. I would’ve never guessed…one of my closest friends an angel.” Kaworu said in a serious tone.

Shinji moved closer into Kaworu’s arms. Kaworu could feel the shaking of his lover,

“I…I never thought Mana would try and do that, and to see her die like that. Just…I don’t want to be the cause of anyone’s death Kaworu. I don’t want to see you, or mother, or even father get killed because of me.” Shinji began to sob, clutching tighter to Kaworu.

“I know it’s not your fault. You shouldn’t put that much of a burden on your shoulders; you have me to relieve some of that weight, look at me Shinji.” Kaworu put a hand on Shinji’s chin lifting his face so they were eye level.

“I love you Shinji, I would never hate you or let anyone die because of you. You know…you’re even cuter when you cry.” Kaworu moved his lips across Shinji’s ear causing a slight moan.

“Kaworu…” was all Shinji could say.

“Well it’s true you are quite cute.” Kaworu said, continuing down Shinji’s ear to his neck and under the covers they went. Shinji quickly discarded his clothes as did Kaworu. They lay sideways giving each other longing pleasures with their tongues. Moaning to bring their erections to climax; cleaning off any remaining cum. Without continuing further they both fell fast asleep in each other’s arms.

Deep in NERV the black blocks of SEELE appeared in front of Gendo.

“It turns out your son is the target of the angels, we must put a stop to this Ikari. If you keep up this incompetence we will have to exterminate your son, I hope you find an alternative, commander.” Then all of SEELE vanished, leaving Gendo to think.

“You bastards wouldn’t even lay a finger on Shinji; he’s your key to human instrumentality. Though I must enjoy how you use these lies to keep me on the job, humph.” Gendo said under his breath before leaving the meeting room.

Shinji awoke late at night; he felt a presence on the patio and ventured outside. Standing on the railing was Regna.

“Hello, Shinji. Are you ready to forget about Kaworu and return to the real world?”

Shinji looked at Regna,

“No, but I do want to know where you angels come from and why you want to return to the real world, I’d rather not fight you guys if there’s a peaceful way to end this all.”

Regna laughed at Shinji’s remark.

“Peaceful? Fine, the truth is this world is a creation to satisfy you Shinji; it is only meant to bring you happiness, a world where no angels exist…but, if our existence doesn’t appear here then our true selves in reality slowly diminish and lose power. You see, we invaded from reality to put a stop to this madness; to put things in order and to unwind the timeline that has been reversed. We’re the good guys, it’s you and the rest of NERV here that all want to live without us but we need to exist.” Regna looked serious and stared off into the distance looking at the skyscrapers of Tokyo-3.

“Well I don’t know, I think I’d prefer having happiness than giving it up just so a race, that shouldn’t even coexist with humans be able to live on. Where is this other world anyways? Where do you invade from, huh?” Shinji sounded skeptical.

“That’s the best part, we come from your self-doubt and your insecurities, and you could say the angels have been using your mind as a portal to reality; all for the sake of finding Adam to cause the instrumentality of the Angels.” Regna jumped off the patio, floating in the air.

“I’ll see you later Shinji, go think over what I told you and come back again sometime, my love.” And with that Regna swiftly flew in and kissed Shinji, and then leaped over the clouds to heaven, wherever that may be. Shinji wiped his mouth and crawled back inside to cuddle with Kaworu.

Damn…damn it all! I don’t get anything, how can angels come through my mind? Why was Mana an angel…does that mean Kaworu could be…? No, I shouldn’t think such thoughts, there’s no way in this world that Kaworu could ever be an Angel. No doubt, he may be angelic at times and kindhearted but he does have a playboy attitude towards me. Agh! Maybe tomorrow will help me forget, I have no idea what the schedule for school will be since all these attacks from the Angels. And that weird dream with that naked woman, ‘great endeavors’ will soon befall me.

Shinji tried to forget and just sleep, he held onto Kaworu all night, his head resting on Kaworu’s chest. Shinji dreamt of another world, a normal reality that could’ve existed. Full of terror, Angels, Kaworu, and everyone else involved in his life. Shinji had just come to find out Kaworu was an angel and that he must be killed. They descended into the LCL plant, Shinji grabbing a hold of Kaworu.

“Kaworu, you lied to me! I put my trust in you and you betrayed me, just like my father did!” Shinji screamed, tears falling from his cheeks. Kaworu extended his AT field causing the EVA’s arm to break into pieces, Kaworu ascended to gaze at the white giant crucified. A mysterious young woman looked upward to Kaworu.

“This…this is Lilith not Adam, I understand now…the Lilum, Lilith!” Kaworu didn’t care; he just wanted to save his race, to have an attainable future like the humans.

“I accept you, mother.” Kaworu said. Lilith absorbed the Angel causing vibrations that were sent throughout NERV. Lilith slowly changed from a giant of white to a massive Kaworu; he looked at Shinji’s EVA and held it in his hands. The EVA dissolved on Kaworu’s touch. Shinji appeared in Kaworu’s hands in his plug suit, protected by a small AT field. Then the dream changed, flickering to Kaworu and Shinji on the rooftop at school.

“What do you wish for?” Lilith said to Kaworu, he was wrapped inside the core of this Angel. Contemplating his existence and whether the human race should die or live on for the future of this world.

“I wish for a world of no angels, where I can find happiness in this teenaged boy I hold within my hands. I want to become lost in the trails of existences, to find myself as a human. Living on my own, to make this precious someone special to me” Kaworu said. Shinji saw how his body was taken into the giant Kaworu, how all the life forces of everyone was melted into the LCL plant, overflowing with primordial soup. Once Kaworu’s wish was granted the dream went black and Shinji was lost in the darkness. He woke up sweating, eyes open and staring at Kaworu who was fast asleep. Shinji shook Kaworu.

“Hey” he said, nudging Kaworu awake.

“…what is it Shinji?” Kaworu said concerned.

“I – want things back to normal.” Shinji said, clinging to Kaworu. “Please, put things back the way they were. I’ve had my fill of happiness, it’s not right for me to always be happy I have to get hurt in order to be stronger, please Kaworu.” Tears began to build up behind Shinji’s eyes.

Kaworu looked up at the ceiling, Shinji lying on top of him. The world around them was beginning to crack and return to darkness.

“You know what must be done then…I can’t take back what will happen once things return to reality. I’m sorry I couldn’t be yours forever, I know it was selfish to take you away from the world but I’ve had my fill too Shinji.” Kaworu hugged onto Shinji as he slowly faded into the darkness.

“Remember no matter the world I love you Shinji.” A tear crossed Kaworu’s cheek.

“And you will always be…my angel Kaworu, you’re my guardian angel.” Shinji said, now only holding onto the pillow they once shared. Then even the pillow vanished from existence. The world cracked into pieces and Shinji stared off into his screen on the EVA.

“Good work Shinji; the final angel…Kaworu Nagisa is dead.” Misato said, with a melancholy expression on her face. Shinji looked at the EVA’s hand and saw what remained of the last angel, the spine showing, the delicate albino skin covered in blood. It was only an empty corpse of what once was a whole world to Shinji. He leaned into the fetal position, hiding his head in shame as tears ran down his face. The world was safe; humanity would live on for another few millennia.

But, what of Shinji’s heart? Will that live on? Regna thought, looking down from the LCL plant in Central Dogma.

“So a new life begins, I guess I should tell the others and maybe just maybe I’ll tell Kaworu about this.” Regna smirked and turned to Rei.

“What do you think Ayanami? Will he have a chance?” Regna began laughing manically. Rei turned to Regna,

“I do not like your personality Regna…I do not know what to think right now, my mind says that Ikari will not find another purpose unless he’s shown it. And my other self says that Ikari will live on and only be scarred.” She said with her expressionless face.

“Do you think Schar will join the stage soon?” Rei said, Regna frowned at that comment and said,

“I hope not, that bastard deserves to be stuck where he belongs. Until next time Ayanami” Regna disappeared from NERV and back to wherever ‘Heaven’ was. Now Shinji has returned to reality, will reality treat Shinji as nicely as Kaworu’s world? Or will Shinji only slip into depression. Slowly the world ticks away and time will flow in the direction fate chooses for us. Humanity will continue in an unpredictable pattern. Reality will move on.

TBC…