There and Back Again

January 24, 2004

L was crouched in his chair, combing yet again through the various pieces of evidence gathered for the Kira case. There was so much of it, yet so little. He had his suspicions as to who the culprit was, but without any physical evidence…
That was the frustrating part about revealing himself, the few members of the task force constantly questioning and second guessing him. He was L damn it! He didn’t answer to anyone, and certainly not the NPA. Normally, he would have simply had the suspect detained while he went about putting the evidentiary puzzle pieces together. This time, that method was out of the question. Not only was the only true suspect apparently a good and law abiding teenager set for college, he was also the only son of a well respected member of the NPA and newly formed Kira Taskforce. And, while L could give a damn about familial ties, he had opted to handle the situation with a bit more tact and understanding then was the norm. Of course, being L, that didn’t mean it was a lot of tact and understanding.

L surveyed his small team. All were hard at work, all wanted to catch Kira, all had been extremely shocked at the site of L. He’d always felt he may have been an odd looking sort of fellow. Not unattractive3 by any means, just different. From the reactions of the detectives, he wasn’t so sure. He also knew his age had been a bit of a surprise to them as well. He was much younger than most of them, with the exception of Matsuda, who was only a year his senior. L glanced at the young detective, hard at work, brows knitted together in concentration. The sight of Matsuda always made him smile inside. Outwardly, he would never show it. Sighing softly to himself, he held another paper to his face and continued his search. He had already received the lists of criminals killed in Japan the day and night before. He was, however, still waiting for the overseas lists. They always arrived later in the morning and were days old. Yet another thing about the Kira case to frustrate and annoy him. He never minded traveling should a case require it. What he did mind was a case that spanned the entire planet.
He heard a door open and then close behind him. That would be Watari with the list, L thought.
He held his arm up and behind him so Watari could simply hand it over and then go about his own business. Instead, Watari placed his gentle hand on L’s left shoulder, causing L to turn his heard and look. The first thing L noticed were his eyes. They were red-rimmed and appeared shiny with unshed tears. L also noticed the hand that still held the paper was trembling slightly.

“Watari?” L whispered.

Watari softly cleared his throat before answering in a tone just above a whisper.

“Here are the lists from North and South America.”

His hand was still shaking as he handed the papers to L. He squeezed his shoulder once more and walked away, disappearing into one of the bedrooms in the suite.

What on earth could have upset him so? L thought to himself. He glanced quickly at the paper in his hand. Surely not . . .

He looked once more toward the closed door before taking a closer look at the list. He scanned the first page quickly. All names and crimes that meant nothing to him. Allen, Mary; Archer, Sebastian; Azure, Michael. Nothing out of the ordinary; a murderess, a rapist, a cat thief with a rap sheet a mile long. It wasn’t until the middle of the second page that he understood why Watari had looked upset. There on the page were the words Birthday, Beyond, homicide and a date of January 21, 2004. Three days. Beyond had been dead for three days and he hadn’t known. He felt what little colour he had slowly slip from his face. He couldn’t pretend he hadn’t thought about the possibility of B’s death. Once it was obvious Kira was focusing on already convicted criminals the likelihood that B would be a target had increased. Yes, he had thought B would died. He had hoped though that Kira would have been caught before it had happened.

“Ryuzaki? Are . . . are you alright?”

L looked over at Matsuda, blinking. Of course he was alright. Why wouldn’t he be?

“I’m fine, Matsui. Why do you ask?”

“It’s just, um, well . . . you dropped everything and gone even paler than usual.”

L looked at the scattered papers on the floor. He hadn’t even realized he’d dropped them. He looked again at Matsuda. Worry was clearly etched across the detectives face. He should learn how to mask his emotions, L thought. A few more years in homicide will fix that. Although, that would also be a shame, but losing pieces of one’s humanity always is.

“Go home.”

“Wh . . . what?” Matsuda stammered.

“Go home. All of you. Take the day. Do with it what you will. This will be the last chance for a holiday in a while.”

There were the expected grumblings and exclamations. Aizawa bellowing in his way, thinking an offer of a day off a personal insult. After all, Kira never took a day off, why should they? Yagami, appearing even more exhausted than usual, also protested. Kira must be caught, and they must pursue him diligently. Mogi remained his silent, stoic self. After much protesting, blustering, and ill-concealed excitement on Matsuda’s part, the taskforce shuffled out. L rose from his chair and knocked softly on Watari’s door.

“Watari, may I come in?”

A muffled assent, and L opened the door to see Watari closing his cell phone, looking even more distraught then before.

“Watari?”

He looked at L with an expression he couldn’t describe.

“Yes, my boy. What can I do fore you?”

L hated the subservient tone in Watari’s voice. If anyone in that room should be subservient to anyone . . . it was him.

“Are you . . . alright?” he hated the echo of Matsuda that came from his mouth.

“No, L, I am not.” Watari brought a hand up to cradle his own cheek. “A child previously in my care has died. No, I am not alright.”

“B was no child.”

“It doesn’t matter. He will always be so to me. All of you will.” He paused to examine the myriad of spots and lines upon his hands. “With this event, it seems my failings in life have become inexcusable.”

“Failings?”

“I’ve failed you all. B, C, A, Mello, Near, Matt . . . you.”

“You haven’t failed any of us.”

Watari shook his head slowly.

“That you can’t see it is proof I have. I thought to save the world with you all. Change it, make it better. You were all my legacy of sorts. Instead, I helped create a murderer, another killed by his own hand, a girl who hates all and trusts no one, a teen boy with an inferiority complex so massive I see it never going away, a child that prefers inanimate objects to people and another that is content to live his life in the shadow of another.”

L had mentally paired up a name with every description and found one from the list missing.

“And me, how do you believe you’ve failed me?”

Watari peered into the murky depths of L’s eyes.

“L, look at yourself. I have made you both less and more than human. You have emotions, but never show or use them. You haven’t even cried since you were a child and then it was from falling from a tree. Everything is logic and numbers. To you, a crime of passion is no different than a contract killing.”

“Murder is murder, Watari. The circumstances make no difference.”

“But they should L, they should.”

L had no clue what to say to that. He’d never felt Watari had failed him. He was the closest thing to a parent he had. As for being without emotions . .. when had emotions ever solved cases? It would do the world no good to be a blubbering emotional wreck when there were crimes to solve. One cannot be Justice while sobbing and sniffling into a hankie. L decided to change the subject, however minimally.

“Were you speaking with Roger?”

Watari exhaled slowly, “Yes.”

“I assume she knows as well then.”

“Yes, she was actually informed first. The hospital called her the afternoon of the twenty second. It seems she was listed as his next of kin. Roger was also informed that day, but thought it best not to call. He knew we would learn of it soon after.”

“How is she taking it?”

“She’s hysterical, L. Roger says she’s been screaming almost non-stop. He also says she’s completely destroyed the contents of her room and yours. And of course, she keeps saying how you are to blame, how much she hates you, and that Kira should get you next. I think it’s safe to say she wants your blood more than Kira ever has.”

“I expected as much,” L said. He was quite certain, should he survive this case, that going back home would prove to be . .. unpleasant, at least for a while. “And the boy?”

“Needless to say, he doesn’t quite understand the concept of death. He does know his mother has become frightening. Roger says he runs from any room she is in and has become quite attached to Mello, Matt and Near. He also hasn’t spoken for the past few days. I’m sure that will pass.”

L turned away and headed for the main room. He would not be taking the day off. He paused and turned once more to Watari.

“Don’t be sure of anything where Beyond Birthday is concerned. Not even his child.”


January 22, 2004

Mello remembered that day. He’d been sleeping, dreaming a now forgotten peaceful dream. The screaming and wailing had pulled him harshly from his slumber, wide-eyed and petrified, his shouts joining the ones reverberating in the halls. The next thing he remembered was a lightning fast bundle launching itself through his doorway and onto his bed, burrowing under his blankets. He had lifted the covers to see the unruly dark hair of a quivering Ever.

“Ever, what’s wrong? What’s happening?” Mello asked, pulling the boy closer.

“Mommy scary.”

Mello held him tighter. He’d seen Miss Alta on the warpath before, but this . . . this sounded much worse then anything he’d ever heard before.

He shouldn’t have cared, he really shouldn’t. He knew all about Ever’s father, who he was, what he had done; L had spoken with him about it. Mello wanted to hate anything and anyone that had anything to do with Beyond Birthday. But, as hard as he tried, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t for two reasons. Ever, well he looked too much like L and Mello could never hate L, therefore could not hate Ever. The second reason, the one that made him ashamed of himself, was more complicated. He couldn’t hate, truly hate, Beyond Birthday because he understood him. He understood what it meant to be second best, always number two never number one. Would he have gone to the lengths Beyond did to ruin his rival? Probably. As he looked down at the toddler sucking his thumb and shaking in his arms, he knew he would always make sure he would never feel second best, even if he was.

“Ever, let’s go find Matt. I bet he’ll let you play one of his video games.”

Ever nodded. They wouldn’t figure out for some weeks that he wasn’t talking. Only Mello would know what the boy’s last words had been.



May 27, 2005

The days had gradually turned to months. Light hadn’t initially reacted will to being in such close proximity to the child of a man he had ‘judged’. Right so, L thought. L himself now harbored minor feelings of guilt about Beyond. Though, he was sure what he felt was nothing compared to Light. L was sure was sure with the passing of time, Light would come to terms with himself. Ever was also doing his part, however unintentionally. The child seemed to have developed quite the attachment to Light and very rarely was one seen without the other. All in all, L was quite happy with the way things were progressing. Sure, there was the occasional verbal spat with Mello to contend with, but after one or two physical altercations between them, things seemed to have cooled down. Once Mello had worked out exactly what Light was to L, he’d become quite upset. L would have ventured a guess that the boy was jealous, but thought nothing of it. The fight they had, or at least the one L witnessed, was quite vicious. L had been surprised at the lack of serious injuries. Someone should have sprained or broken something, but they had walked away, (rather, they’d been pulled away). Mello’s nose had been bleeding. Light had a split lip and both ended up with black eyes. Nothing and no one in the vicinity had escaped unscathed. Bookshelves had been knocked over from bodies slamming into them, tables over turned, lamps broken. Near had been kicked in the head by Mello. L was positive that hadn’t been an accident. And, after getting the wind knocked out of him, L learned it was best to let them have at it. The room was destroyed, Near was most likely suffering a concussion after taking a boot to the head, and L had had enough. He’d stepped between them, intending to end all the nonsense. Unfortunately, Mello had been mid-punch and was unable to stop his fist from connecting with L’s stomach.

“Fuck!” his eyes blazed with a renewed fury. “Look what you made me do!” and Mello launched himself toward Light once more. Not long after, Matt had appeared to pull Mello away, kicking and screaming, and L had done the same for Light.

L chuckled to himself and continued working on his latest case. Well, Danuve’s latest anyway. L was off-duty for now. He’d done some of the initial work for this case and was now preparing to assign it to Near for completion.

“What are you laughing about?” Light asked. He and Ever were on the floor, working a solid blue colored puzzle.

“You and Mello.”

“Mello,” Light narrowed his eyes. “Stupid twat.”

L’s eyes widened in surprise.

“While it’s nice to hear you’re picking up the slang, I would prefer you not say that particular word around Ever.”

“Why not?” Light shrugged. “It’s not like he’s going to say it. Right, Ever?”

Ever shook his head and lay the last puzzle piece in place.

“Light, that’s not the point.”

“Then, what is the point?”

“Just don’t do it. He could very well talk again, and I don’t want the first thing he says to be ‘Mello’s a stupid twat’.”

Light snorted, “Well, it would be even worse for him to not say it. Can’t have the boy tell lies now, can we?”

Ever stood up and walked to the window as Light put the puzzle in its box.

“I believe young Ever wants to go outside.”

“Wow! Really? I never would have guessed,” Light said.

“You know I hate sarcasm.”

“That’s not all you hate,” Light muttered.

L stopped typing and closed his laptop.

“Okay, what is it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Light said.

“You’ve been sarcastic and snippy all week. It’s obvious you’re upset or angry about something. What is it?”

“Nothing I would care to discuss with you at the moment,” Light said looking at Ever pointedly.

“Find,” L said turning back to his computer. “But, I expect to finish this conversation by the end of the day.”

“Oh, I expect you do,” Light snipped back.

L watched, bewildered, as Light and a very conflicted looking Ever exited the room.

“What the hell,” mumbled L, “is that all about?” Maybe Light and Mello fighting was a good thing. At the very least, they had allowed Light to take his aggressions out on Mello instead of L. Now, L had to deal with it. Teenagers, he thought. The only thing that could make this day worse was . . .

Knock, knock.

“L? Can I come in?” came the muffled voice behind the door.

“Yes,” L said turning off his computer. It was clear there would be no work done today. Matt sheepishly poked his head in the room.

“Hi,” he said.

“What can I do for you, Matt?”

“Well, ok. You know how I hardly bother you unless it’s really important? Like, when Mello’s going to kill Near or something?”

“Yes.”

“Well, this isn’t nearly as serious, but it worried me.”

“What is it?”

“I was with Miss Alta in her classroom. I don’t mind her and I needed help with some verb conjugations. Things were all cool. But, she sort of started flipping out and kept saying she saw something weird by the apple trees. But, L I swear I looked, and there was nothing there!”

L sat completely still for a moment, digesting this information. Alta had the eyes. Maybe being born with them made you exempt from some of the death note rules. She must have seen the shinigami in the orchard.

“Thank you, Matt,” L said standing. “I should make sure she’s okay.”

“Uh, are you sure? You’re not exactly her favorite person. I thought maybe Roger or Mr. Wammy could . . .”

“No, I’ll handle this. It’s better if I do.”

**

Alta had gone to her room. Whatever that thing outside was, she didn’t want to see it anymore. She felt remarkably calm, considering. She knew she shouldn’t have reacted the way she had. Hell, that had been one of the first lessons they’d been taught; Never reveal what you’re truly feeling or thinking. Like so many other lessons, she’d failed miserably. A soft tapping sound brought her out of her reverie. She’d wondered if he would actually come to see her. She’d already imagined the conversation.

We really think it’s time for you to move on. Frankly, you’re too crazy even for this place.

Taking a deep breath, she crossed her room and opened the door. L was there, slouching in his usual way. Just seeing him made her stomach turn and steal her breath away at the same time. It just wasn’t fair! Why should they both look so much alike? Why had this one returned to this place? Didn’t he even understand what he was doing to her? Did he care? She already knew the answers; ‘probably not’ and ‘no’.

“Miss Alta.”

“L.” she raised an eyebrow. “Is there something you wanted?”

“Matt was worried.”

“Ah.” An uncomfortable silence descended up them. Tense seconds passed slowly.

“Alta ... speaking to you whilst in the hallway is rude on your part and unseemly on mine. You know why I’m really here and you also know it’s not a conversation one should have in the hall.”

“I know. Come in. I apologize.”

L’s eyes widened in surprise. He’d expected much more resistance. Hmm . . . he crossed the threshold of the room and closed the door behind him. She’d already made herself comfortable in one of the large wingback chairs so he did the same.

“I didn’t frighten Matt too much, did I?”

“No, just worried him. After rooming with Mello, I doubt anything in the world could actually scare that boy.”

“No, there isn’t. Maybe taking away his games, they’re quite the security blanket for him.”

“Yes, well, we aren’t here to discuss Matt’s insecurities.”

“Getting right to the point are we?”

“As always.”

“Then, I will too. What the hell is the thing in the orchard?”

“That thing is a shinigami. He goes by the name of Ryuk. I’d advise you to keep away from him. He tends to become bored easily and when bored, he’s a troublemaker.”

Alta stared at L in disbelief.

“A shinigami?” she blinked. “You brought a shinigami back with you from Japan?”

She shook her head slightly and held a hand to her brow.

“L, only you could go to the other side of the world and come back with a God of Death and a boyfriend. What’s next? Are you going to tell me you also have the tooth fairy or St. Nicholas hiding in your room as well?”

“This is a serious subject, Alta,” L said, drumming his fingers on his knees. “Let’s try to keep the tone the same,” L paused and placed a thumb thoughtfully under his lip. “And he’s not a boyfriend.”

“Call it what you will. He’s obviously someone you care about and trust or he wouldn’t be here. And I should hope you’re sleeping with him. He’s too pretty not to be slept with.”

“You have no shame do you?”

“Not anymore,” she said, frowning slightly.

“Now, to the matter at hand,” L said shifting gears. “The shinigami you can see, I can see as well.”

Alta frowned.

“But, you shouldn’t be able to. I can still see-“

“My name and my day of death. I know.”

“How! How do you know! I never told anyone and I know he never told you.”

“I learned of the shinigami eyes while on the Kira case. I wish I had known before. I might not have revealed myself. But, I know you wanted me dead, so I understand why you didn’t tell me. Honestly, I still may not have believed you.”

She had kept her gaze locked upon an errant carpet thread. She knew she should have told L, she knew it would have helped. She just couldn’t do it. Helping L would have been the same as betraying Beyond. Of course, not helping L was helping Kira, another betrayal. She had been so torn at the time. She hadn’t really wished L dead; she had just missed Beyond more.

“I just want to ask you a few questions about your gift.”

“What do you want to know?” She was tired, so tired of hiding this secret that wasn’t a secret anymore.

“Tell me anything you can.”

“There really isn’t much to say. I’ve had this all my life. So did B . . . Beyond. I believe Ever does as well.”

“Yes, he does. When he first met Light, he was writing the kanji for his name and a series of numbers on a paper. I didn’t allow him to complete the number sequence.”

“What does any of this have to do with that hideous shinigami?”

“Quite a lot actually. The second Kira traded half of their own lifespan for the ability. It made killing much easier. The third traded as well.”

“And the first?”

“The first Kira would never have done something so foolish.”

Alta thought she detected a bit of pride in his tone. It made sense. Kira had been an adversary truly worthy of L. It would fit that L’s nemesis would have earned his respect.

“How is it you can see the shinigami?”

“I own something that belongs to him. I’ve also made a deal with him to keep certain persons safe.”

“Light.” It wasn’t a question and she received no reply.

She left her chair and began pacing across the room. “Is he dangerous?”

“I would say no. Only to me or Light. He is rather disturbing to see though. You might want to prepare your son. I have no doubt he will be able to see it too.”

“Why don’t you tell him?”

L raised a brow and cocked his head to the side. “Is there any particular reason why his mother shouldn’t be the one to tell him?”

“Because . . . because he’s still afraid of me. He doesn’t want anything to do with me. The only time he’s around me is when he’s sleeping and even then I’m sure he doesn’t want to be.”

There it was, her failure, out in the open for L to see. Her shame was a palpable force in that room. What made it worse were the things she hadn’t said. She still could barely look at her son. His resemblance to Beyond was too great, her grief over the loss of her friend still too new. Hell, even seeing L, here in this room, just sitting there, felt like someone re-opening scars.

“He’s afraid of you,” L said. “That does pose a problem.”

He appeared to be thinking deeply when suddenly he hopped from the chair.

“I have no desire to cause Ever any undue stress. I shall be the one to inform him of the shinigami.”

L crossed the room quickly, only to pause once more at the door, his delicate fingers gently resting on the handle.

“I don’t believe he’s afraid of you. Sons love their mothers. It’s what they do. It’s the only thing I remember. The one who is afraid is you.”

********

A/N: Not much really happening. I guess I sort of needed a filler chapter to set up the next bit. If it's too boring, I apologize.
Amo