Black and Gold

Hattori watched Tenma get ready for work with a frown. Their relationship had been changing lately, though he wasn’t sure how.

The doctor was withdrawn, quiet. Not that he’d been talkative before but it was getting worse, not better as he’d expected it to.

“Tenma?”

“Hm?” He looked up slowly from the newspaper he was reading as he ate.

Hattori slid over to him, wrapping arms around his waist from behind, nuzzling behind his ear – all calculated actions, things that used to set Tenma at ease. But today there was tension in his frame that hadn’t been there before. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m just tired, I think..” He sighed a little, turning his head and pressing a kiss to Hattori’s temple. A simple lover’s gesture, but it reassured him a little.

Only a little though. “Is work being difficult?”

“I’ve had some complicated surgeries lately, but nothing more than that.”

Hattori couldn’t help but tighten his hands on Tenma, just briefly, before relaxing them. “I’m worried about you.” He hoped he managed to keep the irritation out of his voice.

“I’m fine, really.” There was none of the characteristic embarrassed amusement that usually accompanied those words. Instead, Tenma said them distractedly, as if he was placating a stranger.

Hattori nodded a little, though his suspicion rose again. “If you’re sure. I have a business meeting tonight… I doubt I’ll be home until tomorrow evening.”

Tenma met his eyes. “You have a lot of meetings.”

Too observant. It would only be a matter of time before Tenma got suspicious of those meetings. “Hazard of the job.” Hattori pulled Tenma into a deep, possessive kiss, pressing him back to the counter.

It was time for a spy.

---

In the dark, Tenma and Johan rested side by side, letting their breath and heartbeats slow, from another overwhelming night.

He hadn’t planned it, it just happened. Tenma had lingered over coffee a little too long, he hadn’t wanted to go home for some reason. From there it wasn’t even a choice for Johan to ask him home, and it was a rush of pleasure when Tenma accepted, even though it was hesitant, even though he couldn’t quite meet Johan’s eyes.

Johan didn’t often come across anything that threw him. His calm was hard-won and essentially impenetrable.

Tenma’s effect on him was one of those things that he didn’t really understand, just that to be away from him was growing increasingly painful. With Tenma, the end of the world and his loneliness faded. They didn’t disappear, but they faded to a memory – they didn’t matter any more, really, especially not when their mouths were together, when Tenma’s hands were in his hair. He wasn’t lonely in those moments, and realized that he was becoming addicted to them already.

As he pressed his lips to Tenma’s shoulder slowly, he examined the fact that even this wasn’t enough. He still wanted to know more about Tenma, and was becoming increasingly frustrated that he couldn’t find out anything indirectly. He took a breath, finally deciding to start asking questions. “Why did you give up music?”

Tenma sounded completely startled. “How did you know I used to play?”

Johan shrugged a little. “I asked around.”

“Are you investigating me?” Tenma sounded equal parts confused and amused.

Johan was silent, just listening to their breath in the dark.

Tenma inhaled slowly. “I suppose I realized that medicine was what I really cared about.”

“You weren’t forced into it?”

“Into medicine?” He sounded startled. “What makes you think that?”

“It seems like your father pressured you to enter the field.”

“That’s not it, exactly. My father wanted us all to become doctors, of course… but Ryo, my older brother didn’t, and it’s not like he was disowned or anything.” Tenma shrugged some. “They supported our decisions. I suppose… there was some problems after I chose to pursue medicine.”

“Like what?”

“My father wanted me to take over the hospital. But I didn’t want to simply follow in his footsteps.”

“Why didn’t you?” It confused him a little. People usually took the easiest path in life, what would benefit them the most. Tenma continually seemed to do the exact opposite.

“I... wanted to make my own path. I didn’t just want to do the easy thing. I even wanted to surpass him.”

“That’s it?” He asked. It seemed too easy, too normal. He sensed a bit of whitewashing of the past.

“Essentially. Japanese culture is different than German. It’s expected, in these situations, to follow your father’s path. …What else have you found out?” the doctor pressed gently, shifting a little against Johan, turning onto his side.

“Very little,” he admitted grudgingly. Irritated that there was so much about Tenma that simply wasn’t known. There was no reason for it, that others shouldn’t be as interested in the doctor as he was.

A soft laugh in the darkness. “I’m not surprised. I’m really rather boring.”

“If that were the case, I would have found out quite a bit more.”

Tenma’s voice was startled and amused. “What do you mean?”

It took him a moment to answer. “Boring people never shut up about themselves.”

Tenma was silent for a long moment after that. It was a thoughtful silence and at the end of it, he took a deep breath. “I suppose that I’m not used to… trusting people.”

“You’d be foolish to start with me, then.” Johan kept his voice smooth and controlled. He believed what he was saying – he wanted the Tenma to let him in, but knew he didn’t deserve it.

“I suppose we’ll find out.” He inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. “I would perhaps have been content to find a hospital here. There is at least one that has an excellent reputation in my field. Ultimately, though, I left Japan because of one of my brothers. He’d gotten abusive.” He paused for a moment while Johan just blinked in the pitch black, feeling stunned. “He hasn’t changed much, either.”

Johan inhaled deeply, but kept it silent. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck rising a little, his blood warming. The stirrings of anger. “Abusive?”

“He raped me.” There was just the slightest hitch in Tenma’s voice, the only thing that told Johan that Tenma had any emotion about it. That hitch, however, revealed that Tenma felt very strongly. He understood it, echoed it in his own thoughts whenever he thought about Kinderheim or his mother or what had happened to Anna.

Suddenly things became clearer. “He was the one who sent you those pictures.”

“Yes.” Tenma’s voice was almost inaudible.

It had been a long time since he felt anger like this, slow burning, threatening to overwhelm him. He sat up, hands itching for his gun. He clenched his jaw, controlling what threatened to develop into a blind rage right away and tightly asking “Why are you telling me this?”

Tenma shifted and he felt the other’s breath on his skin, a silent sigh. “…Because I don’t want you to kill him.”

“What?” His voice was harsh, even to him. He hated it, feeling like he was losing control, like fate was twisting and threatening once more.

“I want to trust you.”

Johan fumed inside, furious because he’d been backed into a corner so simply and completely.

Tenma’s hands brushed his face and he drew back just a bit but Tenma was insistent, sitting up to draw him into a slow kiss, a kiss in which he could feel an apology. That irritated him too, because really Tenma shouldn’t feel sorry for anything and he growled into it, taking possession of the kiss, grabbing Tenma’s shoulders firmly. The doctor made a slight, startled noise against his mouth, but didn’t fight the bruising pressure of his mouth.

Finally Johan pulled away, “He won’t lay a hand on you again,” he growled, fiercely, his hands pressing Tenma back down to the mattress, holding him there as if holding him there would keep him safe.

Tenma was tense for a moment, before he relaxed, sighing deeply. “This is my battle, Johan.”

“A battle you aren’t even fighting.”

Tenma’s hands reached up to his arms, gently. “I am in my own way.”

“Which is what, to ignore it?” Johan released him and shifted off of him suddenly, realizing that if he lost control right now, he could hurt him.

Tenma was silent, obviously having nothing to say.

“I’m going to defend you.” Johan finally managed to level his voice off, though he still felt dizzy with anger and worry and all the emotions he had been running from for so long only this time they were for Tenma, not Anna.

“… If you really want that, then you won’t kill again.” Tenma’s arms slid around his waist from behind, his mouth gentle on the back of Johan’s neck. His hair stood up and he shivered a bit, the warm breath tickling him.

“Tenma…”

“You can’t destroy everything that is frightening in this world.” Tenma spoke against his neck quietly, his forehead resting against the back of Johan’s head. “There is always something frightening. That’s why we grow up.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not a child anymore. I won’t let him hurt me.”

“You are still frightened, though.” He pointed out the obvious. How could he not be, considering?

“Of course I am. But I was scared when I was following you too.”

Johan growled a little. “You couldn’t shoot then. You won’t be able to now, either.”

“Not everything can be solved with a gun. If I kill him…” He paused, shaking his head firmly. “No… I couldn’t. He’s my brother. If it becomes necessary, I will report him to the police. I’ve documented everything.”

“And you think that’s going to help you?” He was incredulous, struggling to remain physically calm at least, though he was clenching his jaw.

“I think that it probably won’t even be necessary.”

Johan snorted. Tenma was so naive sometimes. “I won’t let him hurt you.”

“I won’t let him hurt me either.” Lips on the back of his neck, a slow, apologetic kiss. “I promise.”

-----

Johan was following Tenma. He knew it wasn’t something the doctor would appreciate, but it felt like he needed to. Even if Tenma refused to admit it – Johan needed to keep him safe.

Tenma slipped into a large conference hall that was filled with people. Johan lost him at the door, frowning and taking a seat in the back of the conference room, looking around at all the other people, feeling his skin crawl. It was overwhelming, the amount of freakish devotion in the room. Even he had never seen this before, having never had interest in starting an army or a cult.

This was a cult. He sat very straight in his chair, trying not to relay his discomfort. “Friend” it was called – or the leader was called, he corrected himself. Absolutely ridiculous, and yet… the press of fanaticism was hard to ignore. Not a single person in that room other than himself (and perhaps Tenma?) seemed to realize the absurdity.

He had gotten several strange looks, and here he couldn’t tell if they were due to his foreignness or his being out-of-place. He supposed that he didn’t seem like a typical Friend follower, for a myriad of reasons.

The lights dimmed, suddenly, and a voice was speaking, though his view of the stage was largely obscured from his seat. He concentrated, listening intently. His Japanese still wasn’t quite good enough to get the whole of it. Still, he got enough from the reactions of the crowd around him.

They were enthralled. They would do anything for this Friend, anything at all. He could see it in their rapt postures, their unwavering gazes.

This was dangerous. And if Tenma was involved in it, it was yet another danger that couldn’t be ignored.

As the performance ended, he slipped outside quickly, not wanting to get lost in the crowd. He paused just outside the door leaning against the door. He intended to wait for Tenma but then he saw a familiar face that wasn’t Tenma’s. If he hadn’t been fixed on Tenma, he might have seen the lanky kid with the glasses and backpack full of too many books that followed them both before.

He should have seen him before. Wishing that he smoked or something, to excuse himself for continuing to stand there, because the kid was staring at him openly, with cold eyes that Johan knew too well from those he had swayed himself.

One of Friend’s followers? It seemed likely, though it was not implausible either that Tenma’s brother had asked him to follow them. Or perhaps he was Tenma’s brother. The thought made him frown a touch, scanning his face again. There was very little familiar there, other than the Japanese features.

Johan ignored him, allowing himself to look bored, for another few moments, checking his watch and then stepping away from the wall He would go forward just a bit further on Tenma’s path and catch up with the doctor when the doctor made his way home.

In the meantime, either he would be followed and he could deal with it now, or he wouldn’t, and he could deal with it later.

---

Tenma’s walk home passed without incident and so Johan’s did too. Their tail had disappeared somewhere, a fact in itself that did not set Johan at ease.

The next day, he stopped by the apartment Tenma shared with his boyfriend. It was uncomfortable, but he didn’t want to wait. He needed to know Tenma’s relationship to the cult, and he needed to know why he was being followed.

Tenma let him in, getting him a drink with an air of awkwardness, and Johan sat on a barstool at the kitchen counter, watching him. “How are things going with your lover?” Johan asked innocently and Tenma grimaced.

“Hattori-san…” He sighed deeply, pausing for a long moment. Finally he opened a drink for himself, taking a deep drink. “Have you heard about the Friend cult?”

Johan nodded slowly. “It’s been mentioned.”

“I believe Hattori-san is their leader.”

Johan raised an eyebrow, though he wasn’t really surprised by that. Tenma’s lover had never seemed right to him – and now he was regretting not investigating him more, earlier. “I see…” He hesitated for a moment. “You’ve been followed lately too. I’d say that Hattori’s involvement is likely in light of that fact.”

Tenma looked taken aback, frowning deeply. To his credit, he didn’t act surprised that Johan himself had been following him. It would have been just silly, considering the current revelations. “…I’m not sure what to do.”

He wasn’t sure what to do with that statement. Was Tenma asking him for advice? “Will you be able to shoot him, if the time comes?” he asked bluntly, and Tenma winced a little.

“I don’t know… but the point is moot, anyway.”

“Why?”

“You can’t pull a nonexistent trigger.”

It took a moment for Johan to understand what he meant, and when he did, the words burst from him, incredulous and completely uncontrolled. “…You don’t have a gun? Why?”

“Besides the fact that I didn’t think I needed one?” His voice cracked just a little under the weight of the slight hysteria that obviously wanted to bubble to the surface. “This is Japan, Johan. They’re not exactly freely available.”

Johan took a measured breath, getting angry at the doctor. He was putting himself in danger from not one but two directions and seemed to think that there was nothing he could do about it. And of course he was furious at himself too, for not realizing sooner that Tenma was unarmed. He couldn’t help the slightest mix of derision and anger in his voice. “You say that as if they’re impossible to get.”

Tenma looked more uncomfortable. “Guns are illegal here.”

Johan just let out a disgusted sigh. “You’re involved with a cult leader and your brother is a psychopath and you’re quibbling about illegality?”

“It’s not quibbling,” he responded, irritated. “I don’t have mafia contacts and I can’t risk being seen making mafia contacts. And even if I could risk it, I don’t want any contacts, and I don’t want a gun.”

Johan actually rolled his eyes, briefly. “Don’t you have any self-preservation instincts whatsoever?”

Tenma just took a seat next to him at the bar, letting out a breath. “If I did, do you really think I would have been chasing you?”

“I suppose not.” Johan frowned, thinking for just a moment before reaching into his jacket, pulling out a gun and just dropping it into his lap. “Here. Call it a present.”

Tenma blinked, looking down at it… picking it up with a bit of hesitation. He didn’t seem shocked by Johan’s “present” but also not as appreciative of it as he should be, really.

“It’s loaded. I assume you haven’t forgotten how to handle a gun,” Johan drawled a bit as he shrugged out of his jacket and the holster, placing it on the bar between them. He ignored the slightly uncomfortable nakedness of not having the gun.

“Of course not,” Tenma sighed, placing the gun carefully back down. “Thank you.” The words sounded dry and choked and not at all sincere, but Johan decided to take them at face value.

“Don’t thank me.”

Tenma looked back up at him, slowly. “Is this your only gun?”

He just gave him another look, this time letting it show that he doubted Tenma’s intelligence. “No.”

The doctor nodded, standing and pacing a little. Johan let it continue for several minutes before sliding out of the stool and stepping into his path, stopping him.

Tenma stared at him for a long moment, pale, his eyes dark and very deep. “What are you here for?” He asked the question quietly.

Johan smiled a little, dropping his eyes some. He had always been good at dissembling, but Tenma was also good at seeing the heart of matters – he didn’t want him to see too much. “Didn’t I tell you already that you didn’t want to know?”

Tenma nodded slowly. “I don’t, really. But I think I need to know. I think it’s important.”