Midian Evolution

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I didn’t raise my barriers completely up. I’d proven my point, shown I could keep him out. Now, I had no need. Now, with little effort he could peek inside me.

“One castle is th’ same as another,” Anderson said as we neared what I hoped would prove the final part of the tour. “Rich men livin’ well while the poor rot and starve!”

I thought of how much Pip would agree with him and grinned. Anderson didn’t exactly speak in a low voice. With a crap-ton of alcohol in his system he was even louder. He jingled something in his pockets as he walked with me, and twice I’d had to brace him from staggering into a wall.

“Just like the church!” he said, making me almost swallow my tongue in surprise. “Takin’ hard-earned alms and makin’ bigger and bigger meetin’ houses for the Lord.” He stopped and looked up at the sky, ignoring how everyone in our group cast him furtive looks. “The Lord doesnae need anyone’s dirty money! Father, how could I have been so blind?”

Alucard dropped back from his position at Integra’s left side. We caught up to him in a few seconds, whereupon he grabbed Anderson by the elbow and aided him in standing straight. “Paladin,” he murmured. “Have an epiphany?”

“Och!” Anderson tried to shake Master loose and failed. Weary resignation settled onto his features, dulling his eyes. He leaned upon Alucard then, shocking me and Master both. I saw it in his red eyes. “God dosnae need wealth,” he mumbled. “Wouldn’t he rather see th’ riches given to the widows and children? I should be carryin’ the widow’s mite instead o’ shekels.”

Talk like that set me to thinking of Nathaniel’s poor, beaten wife. I cut from those thoughts quickly. Sir Integra didn’t need me sobbing over my dead mum while Anderson caused a stink of his own.

“What will I do if I can’t call you a Judas priest?” Alucard asked, shaking Anderson a little. “Straighten up. If you embarrass my master on her honeymoon, I’ll throttle you.”

Anderson jerked free. “Y’better get me to th’ train, then,” he advised. “I’m nothin’ more’n a sin-eater, an’ I cannae keep quiet about it!”

I winced. “Master, I’ll take him,” I offered. I didn’t want this to get any worse.

“Good, sotie,” Alucard said, passing Anderson’s arm back to me. “We’ll be along soon, I’m sure.”

I led the paladin over the hillside and behind a small copse of trees. “I’ll get us back to the Express the same way Alucard transports us,” I told him. “Are you okay with that?”

“Like I can walk,” he snorted. “Go ahead, lass. A man as full of sin as me cannae be choosy.”

I had us at the station in a blink. I didn’t need to explain to anyone why two people in the Hellsing party were back early; Anderson’s condition spoke for us as soon as we boarded. Smiling a few times at people obligated to be concerned and polite, I got the large paladin into our cabin and shut the door. He flopped onto the couch on his side of the compartment, his long arms and legs sprawling.

“What’s a sin-eater?” I asked, dropping down the top bunk bed and getting on it. From this position I could look straight down to see Anderson, and if he vomited I wouldn’t be in the strike zone. He might pay me back for puking all over him at the hotel.

“A sin-eater is a person who eats the sins of the dying,” Anderson said, giving a small groan afterward and rolling onto his side. “Bread an’ ale, usually, is passed over the dying person, or the corpse.”

“Gross.” I let one arm dangle, feeling the weird texture of just the very tips of his spiky hair. “How do you get your hair to stand straight up like that when you don’t use gel?” I asked, changing the subject. Please, no more deep matters. Please…

“It just grows that way.” He swatted my hand away and tried to sit up.

“Show me the shekel again,” I said.

Anderson maneuvered so that our eyes met. Heavy consideration reflected in emerald green. Slowly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a fistful of shekels, dropping them on the floor. “Take ‘em all,” he intoned, his voice strange and hollow. “I’m not an Iscariot.”

I sighed and closed my eyes. Anderson needed Julianna. He needed his god. I might be able to arrange the second one. I jumped down. “I’ll be right back,” I assured, going for the door.

“Bring me s’mthin’ ta drink,” he mumbled, collapsing back to the tiny bed.

Rolling my eyes, I slipped from the compartment and found our steward. The man eyed me closely, but I didn’t know why. “I need a priest,” I said. “Where can I find one?”

The steward blinked twice, then smiled easily. “We have a chaplain that serves in every religious capacity. Do you wish me to send him to your car?”

“Please. And we’d like to have a big bottle of apple juice, too.” I’d help Anderson drink it. He shouldn’t have any more alcohol this afternoon.

The steward left. In moments he returned with a large container of juice, in the company of a small, elderly man with salt and pepper hair. Introductions were made, in which I learned the chaplain’s name was Michael. He gave no last name and I didn’t ask for it. I just sent him in to Anderson and leaned on the wall to drink juice. I’d allow the two men of the cloth some privacy.

The steward retreated to a polite distance and all became relative quiet. The other passengers hadn’t returned yet.

“Why are you out here?”

I turned to see Walter standing alone in the corridor. “Hey, Walt,” I greeted. “Angel Dust is in Confession with another priest, or whatever it is that holy men do. I’m not going back in until they’re finished.” I paused to look left and right demonstratively. “Where are Sir Integra and Alucard?”

Walter smiled a little and joined me in holding up a wall. “In the gift shop. Sir Integra wishes to buy something, and your master is bored enough to watch the choosing process.” He slid me a sly smile, his pretty purple eyes gleaming. “I wasn’t that bored.”

I snickered. I was about to give a pithy retort, but that strange, half-whispering, half-whistling noise had returned. It seemed louder than before. When had I heard it first? I concentrated, going backward in my head.

Ah. I’d heard it just before Walter told me my birthday…

A creeping feeling stole into me. I caught the swooping, sick sensation before it could show on my face, but inside I began to scream.

Instinct. Instinct didn’t fail me. My emotions could influence or fail me, I could be mislead, misdirected or distracted, but instinct held tight. And, right now, it told me to escape, to flee. Master and Anderson had been right to worry over Walter.

I forced myself to remain utterly still. I made no outward sign of my inner horror. “Do you actually draw up horoscopes, Walt?” I asked with a voice that didn’t tremble. I didn’t doubt he actually had an interest in astrology, and it might keep his mind off closely examining me.

“Yes.” Walter smiled as he gazed at his right hand, clicking his wire-spool rings together in a repeating cadence. “It’s not difficult to learn, Seras. I could show you.”

I laughed, and it relieved me that I sounded genuine. “Me and my woefully inadequate education probably can’t tackle something like that,” I argued. Master, I need you, now! “Doesn’t it involve math? My weakest subject.” I wouldn’t fight Walter, no matter what. Even if he proved to be the deepest traitor; I still loved him.

The hideous, gibbering whisper was so loud! What was it?

I’d called for Alucard in one second, and in four I caught sight of him approaching. He’d heard and heeded my panic without hesitation.

“It’s not too math-heavy,” Walter protested lightly, not aware of Alucard’s reddish gaze upon him. “It’s more a matter of consulting tables and knowing exact birth times and locations.” He lowered his hand and finally caught sight of Master. I saw nothing in his body language or his eyes to suggest anything nefarious. “Finished already?” he asked mildly.

Alucard, standing opposite us in the small corridor, smiled. “Sir Integra doesn’t linger in her shopping,” he answered. “I’m keeping my mind inside of hers; I’ll know it the moment she needs me.” He reached out and casually pulled me to him.

I loved the fact that Alucard’s actions wouldn’t seem at all out of place. Walter was used to seeing us knotted together, accustomed to seeing Master take command of me. It was the perfect camouflage. I rested my cheek on his chest, feeling relieved.

“I think she’s buying you a scarf,” he went on, keeping the light banter with Walter.

Walter frowned. “You aren’t supposed to ruin surprises like that,” he scolded without much heat. He shoved off from the wall and smoothed his vest.

Whistle, whisper, whine… I closed my eyes and wished I couldn’t hear. If I could poke my eardrums out, I would.
That noise, whatever it was, wasn’t Walter. But, it hung by Walter, followed him, changing when he moved. Why hadn’t I heard it before this so-called vacation? Why did it seem to be getting louder?

“You knew she’d buy you a scarf,” Master replied, stroking my hair. “She loves them, and you already have several dozen.” He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed lightly. “But, you know I have few surprises; being aware of so much makes that difficult. Sir Integra never bothers to hide things from me, considering she can’t. Hellsing bonds may not hold me, but they do allow constant contact.”
He kept his voice even and casual, but I heard his message to Walter loud and clear. “If I ruined your Christmas, my apologies.”

Walter sighed. He turned his eyes toward the connecting door. “Ah, well,” he said. “I’ll just have to make my own surprise a good one, I suppose.”

Chilled, I gripped a double fistful of Alucard’s shirt and suppressed a spasm of dread. I could have sobbed in relief at hearing that horrible noise start to abate slightly.

“I’ll see you at supper,” Walter said, taking his leave of us with a short nod. He walked back down the narrow passage and disappeared through the hatch-like door.

“Master,” I groaned lowly. “Did you hear it? Did you hear the whispering?” Was it all in my own head? Did I have another power that my own creator did not?

“I heard it, sotie,” he murmured. “Something circles around Walter like a carrion bird. You did rightly to call for me.”

“I can’t fight Walter,” I said, almost gasping the words. “Master, I can’t!” It broke my heart to even think of it. All I could see in my mind was Other Me, telling me to go before I saw something I couldn’t take. “I love Walter. I couldn’t hurt him.”

Chaplain Michael opened the door to our cabin, nodded and smiled at us, then walked out the same door Walter had used. Comforted to be able to take my breakdown somewhere more private, I tugged Master inside and shut the door.

Despite everything, I was able to peek in on Anderson and set my juice down. The priest waved his hand at me dismissively, and I knew he wouldn’t talk to me any more for awhile. I’d happily let him sit there, ruminating over his religion while staring at his thirty shekels.

Alucard sat on the couch and pulled me to straddle his lap. I looked down into his deep, orange gaze and saw my reflection staring back. I looked haunted, hunted. Wordlessly, my undead savior opened his collar and pulled my head to his neck.

Teeth to flesh, and assurance flowed into me on a river of rich, complicated flavor. Good, Seras, he praised, cradling my head in his long-fingered hands. Don’t worry about Walter right now. Drink from your blood sire.

Yes, Master.

Lulled by our connection, I rested upon him while I drank. I didn’t have the strength to give him pleasure, but I didn’t worry about that, either.

It pleases me you’ve stopped keeping our minds apart, he said lazily, stroking my hair with a content, savoring rhythm. Your inner monologues fascinate me.

I felt his strength flowing into me at a steady, easy rate now. Going without blood while having to walk around in the day made me weak. I supposed it had less effect on him, being so old and tough. His age had helped him process that horribly nasty, diseased man…

Master laughed out loud, but softly. I’ve had worse.

I couldn’t imagine.

When I no longer felt like I starved, I pulled my mouth from his neck. I’ll have to hunt again, I said. Unless two vampires can feed from one person like we did?

I’m a special case. Yes, you should hunt at our next stop. Alucard moved me until I lay in his arms the way a mother might carry her infant, and he brought his scarlet and golden swirled eyes down to look into mine.

The moment suspended in time.

My eyelids fluttered as his cool, strong fingers stroked my cheek. “You’re very beautiful, sotie,” he murmured softly. “I don’t think you’ll ever lose your innocent look, no matter how I corrupt you or how much disappointment you find in this world.” He traced my bottom lip gently, his gaze moving there. “I always sought wives who minded their own business, feared me, and completely depended upon me.” He smiled slowly, moving his attention back to my eyes. “You broke the mold, my dear Police Girl.”

I lay frozen, stunned by his revealing, personal recitation. And, he’d called me beautiful.

My heart shuddered to life.

Alucard tilted his head, listening. A reluctant sort of gentleness stole into his eyes and lingered. “Why in hell do you love me, girl?” he asked, proving he understood the significance of what just happened. “I’m no one to trust with your heart.”

“I…” I swallowed reflexively. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. “I can’t help it.”

Alucard appeared to consider that. His attention wandered to one side, and though utterly still, I felt the vibration of his mind. “Why not?” he asked finally.

“It’s just… the way I’m supposed to be,” I defended quietly. “It doesn’t feel natural to hold back my heart.”

Alucard’s mouth twitched. A slow smile eased out. “A good answer,” he said approvingly. “Doing what seems natural is the Midian way.” He set me on the bed and stood gracefully. “I need to take the paladin to the dining car early,” he informed, and his clothing changed into a formal suit. “Food will sober him, or put him to sleep.” He formed his customary sunglasses, slid them on his handsome face casually. “I’ll return with him in an hour or so. If Walter comes in here, waste no time in contacting me.”

“Yes, Master,” I murmured. God, Walter… What were we going to do about him?

I watched Alucard and Anderson vacate the car, thinking the ex-priest looked mildly more sober than before. After they’d left, I went to the other side of the compartment and gathered up the shekels. I wondered why silver coins didn’t harm me…

Perhaps they had too much man upon them and too little God…