True Feelings

Disclaimer: don\'t own
Warning: explicit scene ahead, if you don\'t like it then I don\'t know why you started to read this fic in the first place.
----------------

Trapped in a house with nothing much to do Tsuzuki went through the fridge first before venturing off to the other parts of the house. Seeing nothing to his liking he shut the fridge and wondered around other parts of the house.

He walked around the house for I bit and figured it strange that there were no pictures of any kind around. Getting bored he walked to the living room and laid down on the couch. He fell asleep shortly after waking hours later when he heard something break.

It had sounded like a glass shattering so he walked in the direction of the noise. He walked the halls as light poured in from outside through the widows. He was lit up from the light pouring through making his hair shiny. He continued to walk the halls until he came across a room that had china dolls inside. He looked at all the different dolls and noticed one in particular. It was the doll Muraki had shown him after he kidnaped Hisoka. It was sitting in front of the rest of the dolls on display. Her curly blonde hair was sitting on her shoulders, her dark blue eyes were looking at Tsuzuki; empty.

Tsuzuki picked up the doll and ran his thumb over her cheek like he was feeling if the doll was truly as smooth as it looked. The sun was showing through from the hallway lighting the room. Dim sun beams hit the doll making her hair appear an orange-blonde like Watari’s hair. He was so focused on the dolls beauty looking much like his best friend that he didn’t hear the footsteps enter the door way.

“ Tsuzuki”, Muraki said. Tsuzuki was startled by the doctor’s voice and dropped the doll on the ground. The doll hit the ground; the force causing her face to crack. Tsuzuki quickly picked up the doll and looked Muraki standing in the door way. He had made it home late; the sun was setting already.

Muraki walked forward and took the doll out of the guardian’s hands. He placed her on the table and walked toward Tsuzuki, backing him to the nearest wall. His eyes were cold and unfeeling. He pushed Tsuzuki against the wall putting his hand on either side of Tsuzuki’s head.

Fear had risen in Tsuzuki as Muraki just stared him down. He could feel the anger rising in Muraki, though his facial expression stayed the same, as they stood there. “ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to break the doll.”, Tsuzuki said whispering to Muraki hoping that he would move away. The doctor stepped back and walked away from the wall towards the door.

Tsuzuki just watched him as he walked out of the room. “ I have dinner out here so come out and get it.”


Dinner was nothing but sushi and fried rice. They ate in silence; Tsuzuki eating barely anything. Muraki was silent also not eating much. When he was done he looked at Tsuzuki, he had stopped eating before Muraki had.

“ Are you done eating Tsuzuki?”, he said flatly.

“ Yes, I am.”, Tsuzuki sat not taking his eyes from the plate. He couldn’t look the doctor in the face after what had happened. Tsuzuki apologized again for breaking the doll.

“ It’s alright Tsuzuki, I can just get her repaired later.”

“ Muraki, can I ask you where you got it?”, Tsuzuki said not looking up from his plate.

“ My mother gave it to me as a gift before she died.”, he said flatly.

“ I feel really bad about breaking it, it must have been very dear to you. Is there anyway I can make it up to you?”

Muraki didn’t say anything and collected their plates and walked to the kitchen. The guardian was puzzled by the way the other man was acting. He got up and followed Muraki to the kitchen. The older man started to wash the dishes completely ignoring Tsuzuki’s presence.

“ Muraki, please is there anything I can do?”, he begged.

“ ...”, Muraki still ignoring him. When Muraki was done washing the dishes he put them away then walked to the living room. The shinigami was on his tail and getting frustrated at being ignored. Muraki picked up what was left of the dinner and put it away.

The doctor, having his back to his shinigami, was smiling at Tsuzuki’s determination. He loved playing head games with Tsuzuki. This was the perfect way to draw in the guardian; getting him right were he needed.

Muraki walked into the bedroom, Tsuzuki tagging along focused on the doctor not paying attention to his surrounds. The doctor walked to the door closest to the bathroom and opened it revealing that it was a towel closet. The older man pulled out a towel and a wash cloth.

“ Come on Muraki, stop ignoring me. I said I was sorry, what else do you want from me?”, Tsuzuki said getting pissed. Even though it was the doctor Tsuzuki felt that he had to apologize. Muraki had to accept it, if he didn’t the guilt would eat away at the shinigami.

The doctor turned around and handed Tsuzuki the towel.

“ What do you want me to do with this?”, Tsuzuki said not taking the towel.

“ You are going to take a bath. You fell asleep before you could take one yesterday.”, Muraki said with a smile on his face. Tsuzuki blushed deeply as he remembered, “ Then what is the other towel for?”

“ In case I get wet.”

“ What?! What do you mean?”, Tsuzuki started to panic. What ever Muraki meant, it wasn’t good.

“ I have made up my mind. I know how you can repay me.”, he said with a smile on his face. Even if things didn’t work out this way there were other options. “ Take off your clothes.”, the doctor demanded. Tsuzuki backed up not turning away. “ If you don’t take them off then I will for you.”

Tsuzuki wanted to run away but that meant having his back to Muraki and that was not smart. Fear was over taking him as he kept stepping back. The doctor walked forward step by step, amused with the shinigami’s state. Tsuzuki backed up into the bathroom and hit his lower back against the sink; he was no longer able to back up.

Muraki walked closer making him positioned between his shinigami’s legs. Tsuzuki’s breath hitched as Muraki began to run one hand along his inner thigh. The doctor brought his hands up to the younger man’s shoulders and slowly took off his dress coat. He started to nuzzle the shinigami’s neck making Tsuzuki close his eyes and try to focus on something other then the feeling he was getting.

The guardian found this increasingly hard when the doctor started to ‘ purr ’ against his neck. Tsuzuki pushed Muraki back, “ How am I supposed to take a bath if the tub has no water?” He would do anything to get the older man away from him. Muraki stepped back and cocked an eyebrow not saying a word.

“ What?!”, Tsuzuki yelled when Muraki stared at him unblinking. The doctor walked over to the tub and turned on the water to fill it. The tub was big enough for two to three grown men to sit in and still have leg room. Muraki poured some liquid in the tub as it filled making it bubble up.

His back was to Tsuzuki, but it didn’t matter much; Tsuzuki would never hurt a human if that is what you qualified him as. The shinigami watched the platinum blonde man fill the tub not moving from his spot. \' How can he do this to me? When he closes in on me I get swallowed up into nothingness. I lose control of everything including my thoughts. How can a man so evil make me feel this way?\'

“ Are you planning on taking this bath in your clothes?”, Muraki said snapping Tsuzuki out of his thoughts. He was turning the knob to turn off the water, his eyes on Tsuzuki.

“ Can I just take this bath in private? You know, with out you here?”, the purple eyed man asked already knowing the answer.

“ No, now take of your clothes.”

Tsuzuki blushed; he was not comfortable taking off his clothes with a pair of eyes watching him. “ Turn around.”

“ What?”, the doctor wasn’t expecting an order from the man.

“ I said turn around, now!”

“ Why? It’s not like I haven’t already seen what you have under those clothes.”

“ Please, I... I don’t want you to look at me while I undress.”

Muraki stared at him dumbfounded by his demands but obeyed his order. He could hear clothes ruffling then falling to the floor behind him. He heard Tsuzuki gasp and yell at him, “ What is the matter, Tsuzuki?”

“ My... watch?! Where is my watch! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY WATCH!”, Tsuzuki began to yell; he was on the verge of tears. The watch is how he kept his darkest secret just that, a secret. Without it he was reminded of all the things he hated most in life. When he had it on he felt safe, secure, and, strong. It was like his second mask; one that hid his past and helped him move on.

“ Oh, come now. You don’t need it so I gave it to your friends.”

“ Wha... You WHAT?!”

“ I gave it to your friends.”

“ You... YOU BASTARD!”, Tsuzuki said then lunged at Muraki. Muraki still having his back to Muraki side-stepped the attack. The doctor grabbed Tsuzuki’s wrist and pulled it behind his back. He wrapped his arm around the shinigami’s waist and pulled him close so Tsuzuki’s back was against Muraki’s chest.

“ What are you so angry for? I was just ridding you of your second identity.”

The doctor was holding his grip tight. He was holding Tsuzuki naked against his clothed body. The only thing that could make this better was for him to be unclothed along side Tsuzuki. He rocked his hips against the shinigami sending chills up Tsuzuki’s spine.

“ Now if you don’t mind, get into the tub.”, Muraki said demanding this time. He released Tsuzuki, watching him walk over to the tub. He took off his dress coat and rolled up his sleeves.

Tsuzuki began to think about his friends; they had his watch. Tsuzuki started to walk over to the tub; tears started to cascade down his face. He lost faith in them figuring they didn’t care to find him. If they did they would have found him. \' It doesn’t matter anymore, my friends don’t care. That’s why they left me with Muraki. He’s the only one that seems to care about me.\'

The shinigami walked over to the tub not caring anymore. He slowly got in and just sat in stretched out; his feet touching the other side. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, nothing mattered anymore.

Muraki watched him in puzzlement. He hadn’t expected Tsuzuki to listen to him with out fighting against it. Regardless he walked over to Tsuzuki grabbing a wash cloth and sat behind the guardian. He put the cloth down beside him and picked the shampoo bottle. “ Tsuzuki, I need you to dunk your head under the water. I need it wet.”, Muraki said nicely. The purple eyed man did as he was told, not really caring anymore. Muraki squeezed a generous amount of shampoo on top of the guardian’s head and worked it in with his fingers softy. Tsuzuki leaned his head back and closed him eyes.

He was massaging Tsuzuki’s head as he worked up the shampoo into a lather. \' I wonder if Muraki has done this before to anybody. It sure feels nice. I wish I could do the same back... No! What am I thinking, no way I would ever do anything with him... at least willingly.\' Tsuzuki was trying to think of something else with difficultly. He couldn’t come up with anything that didn’t involve the doctor in some sense.

Muraki moved his hands to the shinigami’s shoulders, “ Lean your head back into the water so I can wash out the shampoo”, he said softly in Tsuzuki’s ear. Once again the shinigami listened to him this time to wrapped up in trying not to think of Muraki. Tsuzuki scrunched up his knees to lean his head back in the water.

Muraki saw Tsuzuki’s knees pop out of the water on the other end of the tub. He smiled and kneaded his fingers in the guardian’s hair to rise it. Tsuzuki looked at peace with himself as Muraki worked his fingers in his hair. Once all the suds were out of Tsuzuki’s hair the doctor put his hands under the shinigami’s arms and pulled him back up to a sitting position.

He grabbed the cloth then dipped it in the water and ran it along Tsuzuki’s shoulder. The shinigami’s body tensed up from the unexpected touch then relaxed. With his eyes still closed he tuned into just the touches he received.

The platinum blonde washed the guardian, his strokes getting lower and lower each time starting from the shoulders. He moved the cloth in a circular motion across his chest. The action started to make the shinigami pant very softly.

Hearing the younger man pant started to take a toll on the doctor. He wanted to take Tsuzuki right here and now; he was pained in his lower regions and need release. He wanted to be with Tsuzuki; in Tsuzuki when he did. He had to wait it out a bit as he drew the shinigami closer to him.

Muraki dipped his hands lower reaching for the shinigami’s semi-erect member. He grabbed it with the cloth firmly but not harsh. Tsuzuki’s eyes shot open and he grabbed the doctors wrists tight. The doctor squeezed the shinigami’s shaft making him hiss, releasing his hands and arch his back. He threw his head back and shut his eyes tight; the feeling was so great but so painful.

Nobody ever touched him in such a way. He liked it but it also felt wrong to him. Wrong because the person that was doing this to him. Muraki moved his hand slowly up the shinigami’s penis. Squeezing it as he moved his hand up and loosely letting it fall back down. The doctor continued to do this watching the younger man writhe in front of him.

Tsuzuki tried not to moan but he was losing this battle. He was bitting down on his lip so hard that he soon tasted the metallic flavor of his blood. He released his lip and let out a few deeper pants. He was trying to hold himself back so much but the feeling was so great. He felt pained; he had let this happen to him again.

Muraki quickened his movements wanting to bring Tsuzuki over the edge badly. The guardian could feel the he was about to explode. He gasped, arching his back up and spilled his seed on the cloth and into the water. The doctor smiled to himself and picked Tsuzuki up and carried him to the bedroom. This was increasingly difficult from that fact of the shinigami being wet.

He put Tsuzuki’s shuddering form on the bed and climbed on top of him. The doctor straddled the younger mans hips and sat up unbuttoning his shirt. Moon light shown through the blinds in Muraki’s room. The beams hit the doctor’s face as he sat up giving him an unearthly glow. When Tsuzuki was able to speak again he questioned the doctor.

“ What are you doing?”, he asked hoping it wasn’t what he thought.

“ You’re repaying me, remember?”, he said in a mocking voice.

“ I thought that is what I just did?”

“ Really? I was just giving you a bath to get you clean. Now you are going to repay me.”, he said; his mechanical started
to glisten from the moon light. Muraki threw his shirt on the ground and started to undo his pants. Tsuzuki watched him as he undid his pants; he was worried for what was to come but he could do nothing to get away.

-----------------------
Yeah, I know I promised to have a lemon here but I wanted to update the story. As you can see where things are going there will be a lemon. I will post it tonight or tomorrow, whenever I get it finished. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. More to come in the next one. ^_^ \'Till then. Oh, and sorry to those if I made them OOC. It\'s hard to write in-character people if they never were in this situation to begin with if you know what I mean.