Generations - Reunion

“I was sent deep undercover to infiltrate a major Spectran base on Riga. If I could get in far enough, Anderson and my father thought that we could well cripple their whole operation.

“I had to be completely undercover for this, with nothing at all on me to pinpoint me as anything but another Spectran slave. It meant I had to leave behind not only my bracelet, but also my ‘rang,” he paused. “I’d never felt so vulnerable in my life. I had absolutely nothing to mark me as the Commander of G-Force. Even my clothes weren’t my own. “

“Slave? Why a slave, Mark?”

“They’re invisible. They do all the menial work, and can basically go anywhere. It was incredible! Nobody took any notice of me as a slave, and as long as I looked like I was doing something menial then nobody bothered me.

“The plan was that I would infiltrate and sabotage as much as I could until I’d crippled the place. We had a safe drop and I was to communicate every week or ten days with progress, and so they knew I was still safe.

“It all went well for the first three weeks, then I realised that I was wrong. Somebody had taken notice of me, and that was when my problems started.”

“Who?”

“The Spectran Slavemaster came to visit. He noticed me, and decided that I had better uses than being a menial in the base.” Mark looked intently at Princess. “When I realised what was afoot, I tried to get out, but by then I was marked and couldn’t move. I couldn’t even get to the message drop. And all I could think about was you.”

Princess made a sound of distress, her hands covering her mouth. Mark moved towards her, but she pulled back.

“Before I could do anything, I was herded on board the Slavemaster’s ship and taken away.”

“Mark, we tried to find you,” said Princess. “The whole team, we scoured both Riga and Spectra and couldn’t find any trace of you.”

“You wouldn’t have,” he said ruefully. “I wasn’t taken to Spectra.”

“Then where?”

This time Mark reached out and took her hand, and she didn’t pull away. “Lexa, I need you to listen. To understand, and not make any judgements from here on in. Please. Hear me out.”

Princess frowned. “I’m not going to like this, am I?” Mark shook his head. “Is this one of the parts we’ll have to edit for the others.”

“Yes.”

She started to shake. “Do I really have to hear?”

“Yes. Do you trust me?”

“I’m not sure, Mark. Once I would have said yes without hesitation. But now, I’m just not sure.”

“Will you at least listen objectively?”

“Yes.” Her answer was clear and strong with no hesitation and he smiled and raised her hand to his lips. She shivered at his caress, and, in a gesture from the past, her hand slipped from his lips to his face, touching and caressing. He nuzzled into the caress and he drew her close to him, arms enfolding, hands caressing.

“Lexa,” he said softly, voice breaking. “I’ve needed you so much. Missed you so much.”

“Mark, I can’t. We shouldn’t.” Her voice, however, was shaky.

“Why not? You’re still my wife?”

“No, Mark. I know how you evade things.” With an effort, she pulled away. “I need to hear you out, Mark. You asked for this.”

“Please, Lexa. Please let me hold you at least,” he stood up abruptly and walked toward the window. “You have no idea what it’s like. To spend years without just being held by somebody you love, who loves you.” His head dropped “I never stopped thinking of you, loving you. Even in the darkest hours, when I couldn’t even remember who I was, you were there like a beautiful dream. It was like just the memory of you was enough to keep me safe from the darkness.” His voice was hoarse with emotion and tears were running down his face.

Princess rose and, standing behind him, put her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder.

“Will it help you to tell me if I let you hold me?”

He nodded.

“Why?” She knew she was pushing, but wanted to be sure he was asking for the right reasons. She didn’t know why, but something inside her wanted, needed his answer.

She started to tremble. She had Jason and the children. Mark was a complication, a ghost from the past.

A ghost who, she had realised as soon as she had seen him again, she still loved to distraction, and who she desired with every fibre of her being.

He turned and put his arms around her. “I love you, Lexa. You are my life. You always have been, and holding you gives me something solid. What I’m going to tell you isn’t nice. You won’t like it, and, frankly, I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me for what I’ve done. For what I became.” He looked her in the eyes, gaining strength from the clear green gaze. “I hated myself. It’s only recently that I’ve liked myself enough to even consider coming home. You give me strength. You always have. I need that strength – to stop me from sliding back into the darkness.” He took a deep breath. “You see, I’m still not fully out of it. A dozen times a day, I can feel it pulling at me, and a dozen times a day, I consider succumbing to the nightmares. I need you to help me stay in the light.”

Both of them were openly crying now, and even if there had been no relationship other than that of friendship in the past, she wouldn’t have said no to his request. If she could help ease his pain then, she would do so. She was shaken to her core by his words, terrified by the intensity of his love for her; by the way he needed her. Not just as a lover, but as a support. It terrified her that within hours of his return, she could even think of abandoning her life, carefully re-built over the years, just to be with him again.

She still loved him. Loved him mind, body and soul, as she always had. Their embrace tightened and this time, when he moved to kiss her, she didn’t pull away.

As her lips opened under his, she could feel his arousal against her, and knew her own body was reacting as well. She felt him sigh and deepen the kiss, felt him drink from her lips as if he could transport them back in time.

It was only when his hand moved, opening her shirt and slipping inside to caress her breasts that she broke the kiss. They were both breathing heavily, and looking in his lust-darkened eyes, she knew her own were the same.

“I said no, Mark. My life has changed. You have no idea how it’s changed. This conversation was your idea. You want me to listen – I will. You want me to hold you, I will. But I won’t be distracted like this.”

He drew her shirt closed, cupped her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers. “I didn’t mean that to happen, Lexa. I’m sorry.” He raised his head, one thumb caressing her cheek. “But you know the effect you always have had on me. It would appear that hasn’t changed.” His smile was as dazzling as it ever was, and she could feel herself drowning in it. “I mean every word when I tell you I love you. I meant it when I was eighteen, and I mean it now.”

She nodded her acceptance, knowing that she couldn’t fight him in this, acknowledging her own feelings.

And her heart screamed in anguish at the coil his return had put her in.

She led him back to the couch, allowing herself to be pulled down against him, and they both sighed contentedly. They had lain together so many times like this, in this very room. She snuggled against him and his arms tightened. “Don’t Lexa. Not if you don’t want to distract me even more.”

Princess blushed but stopped moving. She had been able to feel his reactions and, deep inside, was gratified that her presence was still enough to arouse him. She couldn’t help herself, caught up in memories of their past, caught up in her need to shield his pain. She moved her head and pressed a kiss onto his collarbone.

“I’m here, Mark,” she said softly. “Can you go on?”

He nodded. “The Slavemaster had different plans for me. Not to brag, but I was young and incredibly good-looking,” he grinned at her, knowing what her reaction would be to his statement. He was right as she gave him a light punch in the arm.

He then watched as the implications of that one statement sank in. “Mark!”

He placed a finger on her lips. “Please. I need to finish.” She nodded, but the look of despair and tragedy in her eyes matched his. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to forgive this betrayal of their love at the most fundamental of levels.

“I’m not even sure the planet had a name. I never found it out, anyway. But it had a reputation, which I found out shortly after arrival.

“Everybody there was to cater for pleasure. Any type of pleasure the elite of the Spectran Empire wanted, could be found there.

“I tried to fight, to get away, but they were ready for me. They drugged me, and kept on feeding me drugs, Lexa. Drugs to keep me docile, and drugs to keep me, well, ready, if you know what I mean.”

His arms tightened around her. “I spent six months in training, if you want to put it that way. Training for my new life as a pleasure slave.”

Princess snorted. “Waste of time, really,” she said, remembering the pleasure making love with Mark had been.

He couldn’t help himself and kissed the top of her head. “Thank you, darling. Much of the credit goes to you,” he said wickedly. He quickly became sober again. “But I discovered that being a pleasure slave meant that you had no choice as to who you would be pleasuring, or how you would be doing so.

“The elite are picky, and if everything isn’t to their liking, then the slave is killed immediately.”

“And you didn’t want to die?” she asked.

“Nobody ever really wants to die, Princess. Some of the drugs they give the pleasure slaves not only keep them docile, they block the ability to suicide. But that’s not the reason for the training. I learned that Spectrans are extremely practical. Good-looking slaves are hard to come by. They’re a scarce resource. You know how Spectran’s are about scarce resources.”

She nodded. “I always thought that we could learn a lot from Spectra when it comes to using our resources. “

“Stop trying to sidetrack the conversation. They make sure that their new pleasure slaves are well trained,” he blushed. “I had to learn to please both women and men. In all ways. They kept drugging me after I kept trying to escape. It took a remarkably short time for me to become addicted.”

She looked at him, at the anguish on his face. There was more, she knew it. “Considering that you didn’t even drink back then, you would have been extremely vulnerable to any sort of drugs.”

“Yes, and the ones they used were very insidious. Not only did you crave the mental effects, but you also began to crave the physical ones. It’s how they ensure that their pleasure slaves are willing and able to perform on demand – by keeping them in a constant state of arousal.

“It gets to a point where all you crave is sex.”

“And sex can be remarkably addictive on it’s own,” she said pensively.

“Yes. They kept us busy. When we weren’t on the job, so to speak, they made sure we ate well, exercised and just basically kept in top condition. After all, we were no use if the clientele didn’t find us attractive.

“I tried to escape every time the drugs started to wear off. And every time they caught me, they increased the dosage.

“This went on for about five years, Lexa. All the time, I was being drawn further and further into the darkness. All that mattered to me was sex, to orgasm. Because that was the only relief we got from our constant arousal, was the orgasm. But then the cycle would start again, until you were frantic with need.”

“Oh Mark,” she said softly, her heart breaking for him, her own tears flowing once again.

“But the worst thing, the thing that really broke me, was that I found myself enjoying what I was doing. Found myself looking at the clientele and deciding who I found attractive. Who I would target for seduction.

“The worst came when I had a lucid moment and found I was tying to seduce a Blackbird captain. And even when I had that lucid moment, I still found myself thinking he was the sexiest thing in the room.” He held her tighter and buried his face against her shoulder. “I fucked him, Lexa. I fucked him and he was screaming for more. Then I begged him to take me. And I enjoyed it. And he kept coming back, and I still enjoyed it. “

He lifted his head, and she saw that Mark was also sobbing now. “One day I realised that I was fucking more men than women, that I just didn’t find the women attractive. Until one day a group of Galaxy Girls came in. There was one, and I wanted her. Desperately.”

There was, Princess reflected, a type of morbid curiosity that one had when being told of a tragedy. No matter how horrific, you wanted more and more details. She was horrified at what Mark was telling her, yet she was craving all the details. If she was honest, some of what he told her was extremely arousing. She had an insane urge to encourage him, to see just what he had learned, but she pushed that thought away.

“Why, Mark? What was it about her?”

“She wasn’t blonde like the others,” and he ran his hand down her hair. “She had black hair, Lexa, and green eyes. For a moment, I thought it was you. That somehow, you had managed to infiltrate and find me.”

“Mark…” Princess knew who he was talking about. It had been a Galaxy Girl surgically altered to resemble her, with the mission of infiltrating G-Force. Jason had killed her.

“It wasn’t you. I knew as soon as I took her to bed. She was just another cunt.”

His voice was harsh, his words crude, and she cringed that the Mark she knew, the man who rarely swore, was using those words. She realised that to him, sex wasn’t something that was borne of love any more. It was an act that he was addicted to. His partners weren’t lovers, they were merely a means to an end, and his words reflected that.

Her head rested on his shoulder, and she sobbed, grieving for the loss of the man she had married. Grieving for his loss of innocence, and grieving for the years that they had lost together.

He had drawn her close and was crying as well. He knew why she was crying. Their connection had not failed, and he knew that his choice of words had conveyed to her the hell he felt he was in. His mind was open, willing her to enter, needing her to help heal him, but hers remained closed to his loving probe. He shook with the force of the emotions they were both releasing. He needed her, if only to prove to himself that he wasn’t a whore. To prove to himself that he could still make love. Only her love could help him to heal.

He gently kissed the top of her head. “Lexa, sweetheart. Please don’t cry.”

“I didn’t try hard enough, Mark. I shouldn’t have given up looking for you. I shouldn’t have let myself get involved with Jason.”

Mark pulled himself up, and pulled her up with him. “Did you keep looking?”

She nodded. “We never stopped. Whenever we went on a mission, we took the time to try to find any trace of you.”

“Did you fall in love with Jason?”

“Not at first. At first, it was desire. I..” she paused. “I couldn’t keep going without somebody, Mark.” She was bright red. “There comes a point when masturbation does nothing. You need somebody. But at first, Jason was there for me. He was there when Chris was born. He gave us a home, and took care of us. It all happened so gradually, that I never noticed at first the effect he was having on me.

“I tried, Mark. I tried to stop. Jason tried not to start it, but we couldn’t hold it back forever.” She sniffed and lifted her head. “Mark, I was only the second woman he’d ever had sex with.” There was wonder in her voice. “He’d loved me for so long. How could I not appreciate that?”

Mark was dumbfounded. “Jason? This is the same Jason?”

“I know. I didn’t believe it at first myself. But then, when I thought about it, I realised that it was typical of Jason.” She took a shuddering breath. “This isn’t about me and Jason, though, Mark. I need to hear the rest of your story. Please.”

“I kept on hoping that I’d be rescued, but found myself slipping deeper and deeper into addiction – not only drugs but also sex. I.. oh God, Lexa, I’d do anything for orgasm. I’m not going to tell you the final depths I sank to, Lexa.”

“Are you sure, Mark? Would it help to tell me?”

“No, Lexa. I’ve spent the last eight years in therapy, so you’re not the first person I’ve told about this. You don’t need to know the full depravity I sank to, just to know I was there. If you know, it’d only hurt you more. Let’s just say that I’ve performed or had performed on me every sexual kink you could think of – and probably some you can’t. I’m not proud of it, Lexa. I’m not proud of the fact that I let myself fall that far. Or that I enjoyed it.”

She sat up straighter and pulled him close, now she was the one cradling him. “It’s not your fault, Mark. You can’t be held responsible for actions when you were under the influence of the drugs. And nobody would blame you. Society has come a long way from the days when we believed that drug addicts could make choices about their addiction. We know that once you’re addicted it’s like a disease.

“And remember, Mark, only Jason knows you better than I do. Nobody on G-Force would blame you, nobody would believe you had a choice.”

Mark looked pensive. “Jason. Yes, Jason would understand,” he said softly.

“Mark?”

He shook his head and caressed her face, softly kissing her lips. “Sorry, just thinking there. Perhaps I was wrong not to have Jason here. He’d understand about drugs. And probably the rest as well.”

“What on earth are you talking about, Mark?”

“Forget it. I shouldn’t have said anything. Ask Jason. It’s his to tell, not mine.”

Princess looked at him in horror. “Mark, are you implying that Jason…”

“Don’t put words into my mouth, Princess. I’m not saying anything, except that Jason would understand. Do you want me to go on or not?”

“Yes, I suppose so. Oh, Mark! I wish so much that you turned down the mission. I wish..”

“We can’t change the past, Lexa. All we can do is learn from it, and move forward. I’ve learned a lot from what I’ve gone through, and, to be frank, I wouldn’t want to unlearn them. I’ve realised what Jason always knew – that the world isn’t black and white. It’s all shades of grey. I believe I’m a better leader – a better person – for what I’ve gone through. Isn’t that worth it?”

“Who the fuck gave you that claptrap to spout?”

“I don’t understand?”

“You heard me. Some psych has been messing with you, trying to make the hell you’ve been through into some great learning experience. Sure, you’ve learned, but nobody should have to go through hell to learn a lesson. You learned the hard way, you would have learned those life-lessons no matter what you had gone through.”

“You’re right. But it’s not psych crap. It’s something I do believe. Now, at least.”

“I don’t believe you, Mark. Not a hundred percent. I’m just finding this harder than I thought it would be. But then, I wasn’t expecting this.”

“No. You were expecting that I’d deserted you like father did to my mother.”

She blushed and nodded shamefacedly. “Yes, I was. I couldn’t actually think of any situation where I would forgive you for leaving.”

“I can understand that, Lexa. But then this wasn’t exactly a normal situation. And I didn’t initially go willingly. My formal statement should be on file.”

“It is, Mark, but we thought you were just, well, saying it.”

“Lexa!”

“Look at it from our point of view, Mark. I went to bed with you, and woke up alone. Anderson refused to tell me what was happening, and there was no note, nothing from you. I honestly believed that you had deserted me. Us. The team. Me.”

His kiss was fervent. “Trust me, Lexa. I never intended to desert you. I meant to be back within a month. I didn’t want – mean – to hurt you, darling. Ever.”

“Mark.”

“Let me go on, please,” and she nodded reluctantly. “You know how Spectrans like to humiliate their enemies, well the favourite kink was for them to have sex with slaves dressed as us.”

“Of course,” she said dryly. “The only way they can dominate us.”

Mark blushed. “Domination wasn’t exactly on the cards a lot of the time. You’d be surprised at just how many of them wanted, well, you can guess.”

“Oh Mark, don’t tell me that you…”

“Usually, they wanted me as the Condor. They had a very popular Eagle,” he looked chagrined. “Very popular. I was terrified that I’d be recognised, but let’s face it, nobody would expect to find the actual Eagle dressed as the Condor as a sex slave.

“Until their Eagle killed himself. He was lucky. He managed to get hold of a knife and killed himself. Then they had a very special guest. He wanted the Eagle to humiliate. And there was no Eagle. The next thing I knew, they shoved me in the “uniform” and I was on.”

“Mark, no!”

He nodded. “It was Zoltar, and yes. He recognised me. Oh, not at first. It actually took him a couple of weeks before he realised.”

“Weeks?”

“He’s their ruler, Lexa. Basically, he wanted some long-term humiliation. You must have really kicked his arse.”

She thought. “About eight years ago? Yeah, we did, actually. We managed to destroy their main base on Earth as well as their mecha factory. Oh and we killed Mala. “

“Shit. That explains his temper.”

“Well it wasn’t as if we knew he’d go right back and start doing you over, Mark!” She was indignant and had forgotten that they weren’t talking about a normal mission. They looked at each other and laughed. Laughter of genuine amusement, laughter they had once shared on a daily basis.

“Lexa, Lexa, Lexa! How I’ve missed you. Missed laughing with you, going on missions with you,” and he looked at her in the eyes. “Making love with you.”

“Mark, no! You’ve got a one-track mind.”

“Only where you’re concerned, Lexa. I need you, sweetheart.”

She wavered. “Not now, Mark. I need to hear the rest.” She didn’t realise what she was saying, but he did and his heart leapt.

He still had a chance to win his Lexa back.

“As I said, it took a few weeks. Yeah, they kept the drugs up, but for somebody who knows me, seeing me dressed as the Eagle would start to ring bells.

“Then, one night after you’d defeated him again, Zoltar decided that more personal humiliation was in order. They gave me some different drugs; I’d say they were psychotropic, because when he bought in the “G-Force team” I truly believed that they were you.

“They put me in one of their glass boxes, and then made me watch as the team was gang-raped.” His voice broke again, and he was crying once more. “They had a child, Lexa. Dressed as Keyop. They raped him, and I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t get free in time. And then they pulled me out, and, oh God, Lexa, they made me rape them. They made me stay in their fucking uniform, only let my cock out, and they made me rape them. “ He flung himself away from her and started to pace.

“I could hear them scream, begging me to stop. But I couldn’t, Lexa. I couldn’t stop hurting them.” She could hear the agony in his voice, and moved behind him, wrapping her arms around him, wishing she was in birdstyle to offer the comfort of wings. He turned and buried his face in her shoulder, sobbing. “I was so high, so drugged that I didn’t have control of myself. Oh, Lexa. I called your names out.”

“That was when all the pieces must have slipped into place and Zoltar recognised me. He dragged me off, and then the other torture started. More drugs, this time truth drugs. I betrayed you all, Lexa. I told them who we were.” His sobbing was become higher pitched, and Princess realised he was swiftly moving towards hysteria.

She moved them towards the bedroom and eased Mark onto the bed, holding his hand as she sat next to him. She smoothed the greying hair off his forehead and soothed him as she would one of her children.

“Mark, they’ve had a fairly good idea for years now who we are. You know that they’ve know who Jason was since almost the beginning.”

“But they were never sure, Princess. And they could never pin us to him.”

“Don’t be so sure of that,” she said. “They’ve had us all in civilian form at one time or another, and I can vouch for the fact that they knew who I was, and who Keyop was when they had us. The only two they weren’t certain of were you and Tiny.

“Your betrayal wasn’t as complete as you believed, Mark. You probably told them nothing more than they already knew. And for the last ten years or so, whilst we’ve been recruiting and training the fledglings, we’ve been fairly open about it.”

“But the rapes..”

“Weren’t us. It wasn’t us, and you know it. It’s dreadful what they forced you to do, but, from what you’ve told me, they were all pleasure slaves like you were. They would have been playing assigned parts.”

“The child. Princess, the child.”

A look of regret flickered across her face. “Yes, that was regrettable, Mark. But remember, you had no control over your actions. None.”

He sat up. “You’ve gotten hard, Lexa. You wouldn’t have said that once upon a time.”

“Life makes us hard, Mark. I’ve also had to learn about the shades of grey, just like you did to survive, so did I. I’ve been more fortunate than you, though. Jason is a much kinder teacher than you had.”

He fell back. “I can’t anymore, Prin. It’s too hard. Can I tell you the rest later?”

She nodded. “I’m exhausted, Mark. Emotionally as well as physically. And I need to get home to my family. But yes. I need to hear the rest.”

“I want Jason.”

“Pardon?”

He grinned suddenly. “Mind out of the gutter, Lexa.”

“It wasn’t there to start with, Mark.” Her voice was lofty, but she was smiling. It was good to be able to joke with him. She missed that, missing their in-jokes. “Why Jason?”

“Because the next part, I want him to hear with you. He’s the only one who’ll understand. I realise now he should have been here from the beginning.”

“He won’t be happy, Mark. He doesn’t know I’m here,” and she looked down. “I lied, Mark. I lied to him about where I’d be, what I was doing.”

“Who you were with.” His voice was steady. She nodded.

“Why the hell did you lie, Princess? You know it’s against the rules.”

“I’ve told you why. Jason wouldn’t have let me come alone.”

“He’s going to kill me. He’s going to take me fucking apart. And not just for hurting you, but because of me, you lied to him.”

“I’m sorry,” she said in a tiny voice. The years had spun away, and she was, once again, the young girl being chastised by her Commander for doing something foolish. “It’s not your fault. I’ll take the blame.”

“You can try, but Jason won’t accept it.” He sat up wearily. “Looks like no sleep for me yet. I’ll take you home.”

“No! I told you, I’ll take the blame. Not yet, Mark. Please, stay away for a little longer. Please. I.. I need to tell Chris about you. Prepare him and Vivian. Please, Mark. “ He could hear the desperation in her voice and reluctantly agreed.

“But, Lexa, if Jason tries to hurt you, then..”

“He won’t. He’ll be angry, and we’ll yell at each other, but he’s never ever raised a finger against me or the children.”

Mark was shocked. “I should hope not! I didn’t mean to imply he would. I know that Jason wouldn’t hit anybody he loved. I meant that if the fight gets nasty, and you know exactly what I mean by that, then you bring the children here.”

She looked at him, at the worry he had in his eyes. Yes. He knew exactly what Jason could be like when he was upset. But she couldn’t do what he suggested. She knew Jason now even better than Mark, and knew that if she did what Mark suggested, Jason would be the one to fall apart.

And she couldn’t cope with both of the men she loved being broken.

As she left, it was her that initiated the kiss. In her heart, she knew the inevitable would happen, sooner or later. For her own sake, she wanted it to be later.

How could she love them both. She had to make a decision. Mark, her husband, or Jason, her partner of almost a lifetime.

If only she didn’t love them both so completely.

As she drove away, she realised that she had forgiven Mark. The words hadn’t been spoken, but she knew it for a truth. And she knew that, once they knew the truth, forgiveness would come from the rest of the team.

It would take time for them to become a team, a family again, and she wasn’t sure that it could happen. Her decision, whatever she decided, would tear them apart again. And two hearts would be broken, never to be fixed.