Starvation

Hi! there really was no excuse for me to leave the story hanging like that. This chapter has a bit more of a resolution, but not much more. You see, this chapter is the last one I've previously completed, because I like to have one chapter more finished than I've posted. The next installment may be a little while in coming, especially since I'm working on two chappies at once, and Ch. 9 is making me a bit horrified at myself as a writer. I cannot believe that Hakkai's breakdown is causing me to write the way I am for an upcoming chapter. He does crack and it is UGLY, just want to warn. Anyhow, I am pleased with my reviews. Gretel_Chan's input is always welcome and I could not be more flattered at Aislin's comment that I actually won her over. I'd be pleased to offer my thanks to any more reviewers! Please review and thanks for reading.

**Hakkai's thoughts or stuff that should be in italics**

##Chin Yisou/Hakkai's emotions turned in on himself##

Chapter 7.

“Sanzo . . .” the demon’s voice held both warning and surprise.

“Come on, now. I know Gojyo found you nearly gutted, but I never figured you for gutless.”

“No.”

##Such pretty, pretty skin. So fair. My, and so much of it, too. You could bite him right above the heart this time, suckle his nipple like a baby. I’m sure he’d like that.##

**I’d like that,** Hakkai admitted to himself.

##You have the power to do what you wish, Gonou. He’s practically handing it to you.##

“Those are fang marks,” the monk pointed at Gojyo’s neck. “They look cleaner than that raw bruise you put on Goku. You’re not stabbing me with blunt teeth.”

“Take his top limiter off. He doesn’t go full youkai, but he gets the fangs then,” Gojyo purred at Sanzo. “If you’re so inclined, monk, it’s wicked sexy.”

“Gojyo! What the Hell are you doing? Don’t goad him into it!”

Sanzo had closed his fingers over the cuff on the top edge of Hakkai’s ear. “Sexy, huh? That’s all you, you twisted kappa, but if this is the only way for me to keep from getting mauled . . .”

Hakkai felt the silver clip pulled away again, feeling helpless. Now, he met his transforming body with resignation. They wouldn’t learn, why wouldn’t they? His demon nature was not a toy to be played with. This was not some kind of trick. The
fangs and claws were his, the thirst was his. He was not going to let anger guide his craving this time, but neither was he going to allow his conscience to stop it.

Sanzo would become the target of Hakkai’s thirst in its most honest form. As dangerous as it was, their leader deserved that much. Not the passion he’d shown Gojyo, nor the reluctant consideration he’d given to Goku, but the honest truth, uncomplicated by emotion. It fit Sanzo.

Hakkai took off the second limiter himself. If the others were not prey to the truth, they at least deserved to see it. This would unleash more of the thirst, would even let Hakkai’s demon markings show up on his skin. He knew it would make instinct cloud his judgement, but the others deserved to know. It was only fair that they actually see what
he was.

He refused to take off the third. That final clip would release not only his ability to uncase his wings, but every bit of his thirst, his undiluted qigong powers, his demon strength. No, the last limiter had to remain so he could retain at least some sense of
himself.

##You’re a coward, Gonou. Aren’t you going to let them see all of it? Unfold those lovely wings of yours, and your prey will beg you to take them. You remember their colors, don’t you, bright green and paler, and the cream of your skin . . .##

The healer denied the voice even as he relaxed into the changes. His ears lengthened even more, his skin crawled as the deep green vines wrapped his limbs, twined over his torso, crept up his neck until a tendril crossed his face. Hakkai could feel it in the roots of his hair, something that made the chocolate strands lengthen, as well, and bristle a bit, like an agitated cat’s fur. The images and colors in the room sharpened, even as the excessive light made his pupils narrow to slits.

“So pretty,” Gojyo’s low words came to Hakkai as through a thick blanket. He felt the air before he noticed the reaching hand, smelled the enticing mixed-race scent before sensing either. Hissing, he lashed out with his claws. They did not quite catch flesh. After the surprised cry that brought, Hakkai pulled his arm in, gripped his own wrist to keep from
striking again.

Panting, Hakkai managed to find his voice. “I’m sorry, Gojyo. You startled me, that’s all. Stay back until I calm down.”

“Like Kougaiji. More like him than the thugs we see almost every day,” Goku assessed. “Gojyo’s right. You are really pretty.”

“don’t touch me,” Hakkai noticed his tones were lower than his usual pitch, and rougher. Finally, he straightened, and made a request of Gojyo and Goku. “If I take too much, if he’s in any way afraid or in pain, pull me off him.”

Sanzo even parted his knees to accomodate Hakkai’s frame as the youkai knelt before him. Hakkai bowed his head, as if he might at a statue of the Merciful Goddess. Hakkai felt as if he couldn’t meet those amethyst eyes, but neither was he willing to look at Sanzo’s exposed skin. He would refuse to be lecherous. Hakkai was reminded by the promise to be true to his instincts when Sanzo’s voice broke into his ears. “None of that shit, Hakkai.”

“Please don’t be angry,” Hakkai murmured. He dipped his head and licked into the pale man’s navel. Sanzo twitched but otherwise did nothing. It was only when Hakkai started sliding his way up Sanzo’s body that the priest fell back onto the bed.

Sanzo was moaning under his mouth. Who knew such an outwardly vicious creature could be so sensitive? Hakkai had always thought Sanzo had been wounded, was protecting himself, but for him to protect himself from this pleasure felt wrong. **Sing in delight, beautiful priest. Please answer me when I call. Be free to accept what I give you, because I must also take.**

His mouth teased Sanzo’s nipples until they were ripe in their hardness, rosy with blood. The others didn’t move to stop him, so he assumed shock held them in place. He could not bring himself to damage such perfect little buds, so the youkai did as his dark voice had instructed. He bit the left above the areola and enclosed both wounded flesh and that nipple into his mouth, sucking. Sanzo arched up toward his seeking lips, and he rewarded the blond by letting his chi feed pleasure into those veins.

**Light.** Genjo Sanzo’s blood was full of light. The thirst was not only being pacified; the beast within him was being burnt alive. He could barely taste the iron and salt for all the blinding brightness. It was so powerful that there was pain, ripping into his throat like a stream of tiny razors. **My liege, to obey, to care for, to protect. Savior, to chase away my darkness, while my mate reminds me how to love. Another piece of my soul and my clan. Mine. Mine.**

There was turmoil here, too. Screaming inside this radiant aura. Hakkai’s hands tightened over Sanzo’s shoulders. ##Gonou, don’t take this blood! Does it not hurt you? The damn priest is using it to bind you in his light!##

##Gonou!! Kill the priest, Gonou, he’s . . .##

And the demon voice that sounded like Chin Yisou within Hakkai’s mind was silent. The thirst was not, but that voice was gone.

Hakkai carefully restricted the flow of blood from the punctures, just as he had done with Gojyo. He felt Sanzo’s hands on the back of his head, both of them clutching him, more demanding than the kappa. The demon felt his hand drift over the crotch of the monk’s jeans, felt the other man’s hips grind against his palm. Just like Gojyo and Goku. ** Is it instinct that feeds the desire into him? No, it’s unasked-for care. I didn’t do this to the other demons, the voice was right in that. Better to cause pleasure than pain.**

**Or is it? He’s pure, I can feel it. I shouldn’t do this.**

**He is my liege, and he needs this,** broke Hakkai’s indecision. He undid Sanzo’s belt, the button and zipper, and freed him. Sanzo wriggled out of the encasing fabric, feverishly kicked the jeans the rest of the way off. His sandals preceded them to the floor with a loud clunk.

Hakkai stroked the blond’s cock briskly, utilizing the ample wetness already there. His hand moved independently of his mind, which was trapped elsewhere. Consciousness could not focus on smooth, steely flesh when it was being drawn down into the monk’s very core.

The silky crimson on Hakkai’s tongue had seized him, was pushing his mind down. He was forced not into the priest’s own mind, but into his chi, his vital energy itself. It was strong, and sharp-edged as he traveled through it, much of the chi untapped. Everywhere was feeling of brightness, partially from the Maten Scripture, which destroyed the dark, partially from Sanzo himself, his being.

The demon came upon a dark corner, or, more accurately, a dark circle. Chi swirled around and around in it, stagnating. The energy had washed over and over itself for too long, a cross between a fetid pond and a whirlpool. It could kill Sanzo if it stayed that way.

Hakkai used his own power to give it a gentle push, so it would go its way, circulate. The taint of the stagnation would remove itself in time. Joy flowed through the wave of energy as it rushed past him. Freedom . . .

The rush of chi coincided with a wracking orgasm spilling the blond’s seed on the demon’s fingers. Hakkai was jolted back by that liquid warmth, and he released Sanzo’s nipple. He let Sanzo’s sticky organ drop from his hand, staring dumbly at the monk. He was terrified until the blond man regained his breath. “You’d better be glad you got me off,” Sanzo panted. “I would have killed you if you’d left me that hard.”

Hakkai nodded, smiling in relief, and licked his fingers. The taste of semen wasn’t dissimilar from blood, and he enjoyed every drop. The thought of sucking Gojyo’s cock, with his limiters on to avoid the danger of his fangs, ran through his mind and seethed between his thighs. He tried not to let this blatant arousal show when he beckoned Sanzo forward to heal the wound in his chest, then motioned for the other two to come forward so he could fix the marks of their bites, as well.

Then, Sanzo’s pupils dilated, and he curled in upon himself. The monk was making an awful noise, sucking in air in tiny gasps. It sounded almost as if he was about to launch into a coughing fit. His head was hung so his yellow hair partially obscured his features. It was only when the warm wetness dripped onto Hakkai’s fingers that he recognized what was happening.

Sanzo was crying. “What did you do to me? Damn you, Hakkai, what did you do?”

At first, Hakkai was afraid he had overstepped his boundaries by giving Sanzo an orgasm, but he realized that wasn’t the problem. “Taking your blood was different than taking Gojyo’s. I was pulled into your body through your blood, and some of your chi was slowed and pooling inside you. (1.) I just encouraged it to move, Sanzo. It would have killed you eventually if I hadn’t.”

“Then you should have left it. Anything’s better than letting them see me like this.” he began sobbing openly, leaning his face against Hakkai’s chest.

“I was only trying to help.” Not knowing what to do, Hakkai stroked through the pale blond hair, applying light pressure to Sanzo’s scalp with his fingertips. He carefully made sure his claws didn’t cause any accidental injuries.

“I forgive you.”

“Holy shit,” Gojyo’s quiet obscenity was filled with awe. “I’ve never heard that from you before. You’re a human being after all.”

“Weak. I’m so fucking weak,” he let his breath smooth out. He sat back, not even realizing that he’d been clutching Hakkai.

“Everyone cries, man. I bet you haven’t in years,” Gojyo laid a brave hand on the monk’s shoulder.

Instead of knocking his hand away with a slap of the fan or his own hand, Sanzo reached back and grabbed the half-demon’s wrist. He slid his fingers down and clutched Gojyo’s hand tightly. Anguished violet eyes looked over at his charge, fully expecting to see disappointment, disgust.

Goku was smiling instead. “Is this all you needed to do, Sanzo?”

Goku’s arms slid around the priest’s waist and the blond stiffened. “I can’t talk about it. I can’t talk about why.”

“You don’t have to,” Hakkai found his voice had softened again, sounding more human. Sanzo took this as a cue to lean in toward him once more. “If you need to go back to blocking what you feel from us, we’ll understand. I always knew it was something like this. I think the others did, too. I just never knew it was this bad.”

“’Hold nothing,’ Sanzo began to quote, but he couldn’t finish. He broke again. He lay cradled on Hakkai’s chest, with Goku’s arms around him, and his hand in Gojyo’s, until his sobs became panting, then until his breathing evened.

“Hold nothing, and there’s less chance of getting your heart broken,” Gojyo mumbled, but the monk did not acknowledge he’d heard.

“If you want to hold nothing, fine, but it doesn’t stop your chances of being held by someone else, “ Goku ran his cheek against the back of Sanzo’s neck.

“Sometimes being strong consists in knowing when to let someone support you, Sanzo,” Hakkai continued sifting through the monk’s hair.

“Huh,” there was a snort into the dark-haired man’s nightshirt. “Pot, kettle, black, you stupid demon.”

Hakkai chuckled, and even though he felt remorse, he truly saw the humor in this situation, too. He didn’t have to force himself to laugh. Instinct told him that the thirst had not quite finished with him, but he felt more stable, even in this form. “I suppose you’re right. It doesn’t mean I don’t fear for you, though.”

“Tch, as long as you don’t fuck around with my chi again, I think I’ll survive.” Sanzo stretched. Now that his false stability was beginning to return, he didn’t seem to remember that he was very naked and looked stunningly debauched. Or, perhaps, he did know, and was just daring the wrong hand to land on him.

Despite the apparent re-emergence of his cynicism, Sanzo seemed less hostile toward the rest of them now that the source of much of his anger had been pushed into motion. Even though those iris-toned eyes were hardening, a tension had released itself from the priest’s body. He even allowed Goku to pull him back, landing against the boy’s chest. Reluctant acceptance radiated from Sanzo, as if he was simply too tired right now to be angry.

**He would be, after that,** Hakkai thought. **What did you give me, Sanzo? I’m still thirsty
but his voice is gone. What price did you pay for that?**

Goku was beaming, his hand resting on Sanzo’s head, much the same as the priest’s only affectionate gesture to Goku. The youth was far more reverent about it, though, swirling his fingers over the golden hair in what looked like absolute wonder. Sanzo was making no attempt to evade him, though he wasn’t outwardly enjoying the contact. Then, something illuminated the amber eyes. Goku rubbed Sanzo’s shouders a little, then eased him down on the pillow as if he was a china doll.

“Hakkai, you have to finish,” Goku crossed in front of Sanzo.

***

End Ch. 7.

(1.) Author's note: I have a book of traditional Chinese medicine, which I've libearlly used throughout this story. It's said, in this book, that an excessive accumulation of anger, especially anger from long-repressed feelings, is due to a stagnation of chi. (Though my explanation is greatly simplified.) If anyone is in this condition, it's Sanzo. Hence, his outburst when the chi is pushed into motion.