Unlocking My Love

Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: bad language
Author’s Note: Thank you to everyone still following the trials and tribulations of these two perennially mismatched lovers! I hope you continue to enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creator of ‘Gravitation’.


Unlocking My Love: Chapter 7


Shuichi let out his breath in a loud whoosh, feeling his heart still pounding. He looked at the shaking hands that held the phone he had just hung up after finishing the call and couldn’t help but laugh at himself. Anyone would think he was going out on his first date or something!

He chuckled again as he threw himself back in the couch. Well, he was really. The first date of the new Shuichi Shindou and Eiri Yuki! What a momentous moment!

He flung his arms up towards the ceiling in a shoulder snapping movement, laughing again. How could two grown men act like such idiots, he wondered. Yuki had seemed just as nervous on the phone, asking if he could pick him up so he wouldn’t be late. It almost sounded like he was afraid Shuichi wouldn’t turn up or something but that couldn’t be right. The Eiri Yuki he remembered would never be bothered by something like that! If anything, it would be Yuki that would just arbitrarily decide that he couldn’t be bothered going because it was all too much of a hassle! And not bother to call so Shuichi would be the one left standing around!

Yeah, that is how it would have gone in the past, so he must have mistaken Yuki’s reason for offering the ride. Anyway, Shuichi had felt a little uncomfortable at the idea as well. It had felt a little too much like he was the girl waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up. It’s not like he couldn’t get there on his own if he wanted to! He didn’t need to rely on Yuki for a lift everywhere, he’d managed fine up till now without him!

Yet still, a smile creased his face as he remembered lunch just the day before. That had been quite….startling. They hadn’t argued, they hadn’t fought in any way, it had been…comfortable, happy, even the banter thrown between them had seemed…..nice. He had truly felt happy just being with Yuki, being able to share something as simple as lunch together.

He felt his cheeks flush a little as he remembered the rest as well; the touch of Yuki’s hand over his, the soft caress, so light yet it had sent tingling fires racing up his arm from the tips of his fingers. He had felt a warmth spreading throughout his body at that touch and he couldn’t help but respond, yet at the same time he was a little unnerved by it. He knew that he and Yuki had been in a relationship before, his body obviously remembered too, but each time it responded to the other’s presence it still caught him by surprise.

Because of that he never felt fully capable, or in control, of his own reactions and he didn’t like that feeling much. It reminded him too much of that ‘lost’ sensation he had experienced when he had first awoken in hospital after the accident and was greeted with nothing but a blank mind yet the world continued to go on around him and he was forced to just keep up with what was happening. Yes, he had learnt to adapt quickly to those circumstances and soon got used to it, but at the beginning it had not been a pleasant time. He really didn’t like feeling that his life and his body were not under his complete control again.

So, although he had really enjoyed being with Yuki, just being with him caused a lot of other conflicting emotions. When he was in Yuki’s presence he was never certain how to go about things or what he really should be doing. He still couldn’t even say if he knew for certain what he even wanted; from himself, from Yuki, or from any form of attachment, relationship, call it what you will, but whatever it was most times it made no sense to him at all. Whenever he made a move forward he got frightened as it took him into uncertain realms, he couldn’t say unfamiliar because unfortunately his body indicated quite clearly just how familiar it all was, but for him now, it was all new. So each time he found himself saying something or making some move along those lines he would panic and immediately want to flee.

He chuckled without humour. At least one thing hadn’t changed at all and that was his heightened sense of self-perseveration, honed after so many years of having K as a Manager!

He scrubbed his hands through his hair, lifting the longer length at the back so it was no longer caught in his collar. Things always seemed to go so much better with Yuki when he didn’t try and force it, like lunch yesterday. He was so rushed that he didn’t have time to worry about being with Yuki or what to say or do and he’d had a really good time. Yuki seemed to as well, although the man was much harder to read than most people. Perhaps that was what he had to do in future? Try and actually relax around the man and not go out of his way to try and actually do anything.

He had been extremely nervous making the call to Yuki just now. How could he, someone who didn’t blink at a stadium filled by thousands, baulk at making one phone call? If that wasn’t absurd then what was?

Yet, for all his nervousness, when he had heard Yuki’s voice it had automatically brought a smile to his face, and although his heart had been in his throat the whole conversation, once the time and place of their date had been agreed upon he had felt tremendously relieved. It was all organized now so it just remained for them both to actually turn up. Perhaps that is going to be the test? Shuichi refused to acknowledge the little wriggle of doubt in the back of his thoughts that Yuki wouldn’t show at all.

He heard the sound of the door opening and stretched his head back, almost slithering over the back of the couch so his head was hanging upside down.

“What are you trying to do, make all the blood rush to your head or something?” Hiro questioned, eyeing his friend’s flexible position. “You know it won’t make you any smarter.”

“Nah, just getting a new perspective on the world!” Shuichi said airily, straightening up as Hiro walked round to sit opposite him. “What are you up to?”

Hiro picked up a magazine from the table between them. “Getting away from the current argument between Suguru and K about the stage lighting for the third stop.” Hiro flicked absently through the pages obviously not reading any of it.

“Again?” Shuichi questioned. It had been a sore point for some time between the two mentioned antagonists. Suguru felt that the lighting was overdone and poorly arranged at that particular venue which would cause problems for them being able to see well when moving about the stage with it glaring directly at them, not to mention making them sweat copiously in having to cope with the heat they generated. He was also concerned that he would have problems with this due to his keyboard becoming slippery and he worried that he would be more likely to make a mistake during the performances. The fact that Suguru had never made a mistake when playing was beside the point.

Hiro grimaced. “Yep,” He then smiled at Shuichi. “Want to make a bet who’ll win?”

Shuichi considered it for a moment then shook his head. “Nope, I know who will.”

“Who?” Hiro sat back, forgotten magazine resting on his lap.

“Suguru, of course.” Shuichi stated quite firmly.

Hiro raised an eyebrow. “I thought you’d go for K,” he said. ‘Why Suguru?”

“Because that little sod is more stubborn than all the artillery that K could muster, and he’s Tohma Seguchi’s cousin to boot!”

“That’s true,” Hiro agreed with a laugh, tossing the magazine on the table before standing and stretching. “It’ll be good to finally get this tour on the road!”

“How do you feel about going on tour again?” Shuichi suddenly asked his friend.

Hiro looked at him in surprise. “Huh?”

Shuichi picked at some invisible lint on his jeans as he spoke, “Are you really glad to be going? How does Ayaka feel about it? Won’t she miss you?”

“She’s fine,” Hiro replied, looking down at his friend and wondering where this train of conversation was leading. “She knows it goes with the job, and it’s not like I’m away all the time. We always make certain we make up for it later.” He walked over to the window, turning and leaning back with his hands on the sill so he could still face Shuichi. “Why do you ask? Are you still worried about performing?”

Shuichi waved the last comment aside, shaking his head. “No, nothing like that. I feel pretty good about it all and I’m really excited.” He smiled broadly at his friend. “It’s going to be a real buzz!”

“Sure it will!” Hiro grinned back, enjoying seeing his friend so happy and looking like he used to.

“But,” and Shuichi’s voice dropped a little, some of the joy fading. “I was just wondering what the people we leave behind feel about it.”

“Do you mean Yuki?” Hiro asked bluntly, not beating around the bush.

“What makes you say that?” Shuichi retorted quickly although the slight flush on his cheeks said more than any words.

Hiro chuckled at his friend’s discomfort. “So are you worried that Yuki will forget you or something?”

“Don’t be stupid!” Shuichi snapped. “As if he’d forget me after only a few weeks when he didn’t for more than a year!”

“Ah, so you’ve finally figured that out.”

“Eh?” Shuichi paused.

Hiro came and sat opposite again, leaning forward to look at his friend seriously. “You’ve finally realized that Yuki couldn’t just ‘forget’ you. Like you said, he didn’t even come close to forgetting you when you were missing, so just a simple tour isn’t going to suddenly change that.”

“Uhmm,” Shuichi began to look a little uncomfortable, turning his head to one side so he didn’t have to meet Hiro’s eyes.

Hiro sighed in some despair at his friend’s evasiveness. “Shuichi, when are you just going to talk to Yuki properly and sort this all out? You still like him, don’t you?”

Shuichi mumbled and shrugged, not admitting anything.

“Oh well, that’s your problem,” Hiro said, standing and heading for the door. “But I wouldn’t wait too long you know, it’s just going to get harder.” He flashed a smile over his shoulder. “I think I’ll go see if the battlefield is clear and who’s the victor.”

“I’ll go with you!” Shuichi said, jumping to his feet. He exited before his friend and looked back at him. “Bet it’s Suguru!” he said, grinning.

“No takers,” Hiro said. “You didn’t want to make a deal with me before so no trying to rig things in your favour now!”

Shuichi stuck his tongue out and set off at a run. “Last one back buys dinner!” he called out.

“No fair with the head start!”’ Hiro called after him, lengthening his long legs and quickly catching up to his smaller friend as they set off in earnest to reach their destination, neck to neck.

***********

Shuichi looked at the clothes hanging in his wardrobe and frowned. Time was ticking on and he was getting a little fidgety with his indecision. He hadn’t got home that long ago and hadn’t particularly rushed to do so as he had thought he would have plenty of time. However, he also hadn’t taken into account that he would be standing here for this long trying to make up his mind what he was going to wear!

He gazed that the choice before him, weighing each up in his mind as to style, colour, fashion, and would it look any good on him at all. His indecision came from the fact that he didn’t want to wear just any old casual clothes so it looked like he hadn’t bothered to make any effort, or was treating tonight as nothing special. However, at the same time, he also didn’t want to look too dressed up as though he was trying too hard and therefore looking like someone completely unlike himself. He knew he wouldn’t feel at all comfortable like that, and he only owned one good suit anyway.

He pushed some hangers around, chewing on his lip as he co-ordinated each item once more in head, shirts, jackets, pants, still undecided. Why couldn’t he just pick something! They were only going to a movie for gods sake!

He eyed the multiple jeans hanging and contemplated them once more. He usually wore jeans now when he was just hanging around, whether it was at the studio, going to the shops or just around the house. They were all nice jeans, not to mention expensive as well. He had discovered that he did like wearing some of the top designer labels and since he had the money to be able to afford it he hadn’t seen any reason to deprive himself of that luxury. So there was nothing wrong with the jeans that he owned, they were certainly an option.

But for some reason jeans just didn’t seem suitable - not for tonight. He was certain Yuki would be his usual immaculate self. He wouldn’t be wearing jeans, of that he was sure. He pulled out a couple of hangers holding crisply pressed dress slacks, one in a jet black, the other in a light beige. Both looked good on him, tailored especially for him after he had returned to Japan. Tohma had insisted that he upgrade his wardrobe and he had quickly agreed as he was no longer able to wear the shorts he was once prone to almost live in. Tohma had even gone so far as to arrange the appointment with the tailor, who had let slip that he made everything for Tohma’s wardrobe. No wonder the man always looked so damn perfect!

He held the slacks against a couple of shirts then jackets, determining which combinations looked the best. He oscillated between not wanting to dress the same as Yuki knowing that he would most likely be dressed in slacks and jacket, to wanting to try and look as good as the other. Thinking back it had always been Yuki who had had the better fashion and sense of style. Shuichi hadn’t cared about any of that and would have been happy to wear a burlap sack, although he would probably have complained about the chaffing in sensitive areas!

But that was then. Now he wanted to show that he could do better. He might not be the greatest in the fashion stakes but he wasn’t completely obtuse either. He followed the articles in the various magazines that commented on Bad Luck’s style, both on and off the stage. He had also paid attention to when they attended gala evenings and other events as guests or performers and what other people would wear. Slowly, all three members had begun to slightly up-market their wardrobes, although Suguru was probably the only one who hadn’t had to change too much as he had already dressed immaculately.

Shuichi looked at the clock on the dresser. Damn it, he’s going to be late! He reached out and just grabbed some articles, throwing them to the bed as he began to strip and head for the bathroom. That would just have to do – and he hoped that Yuki wouldn’t laugh at him!

*************

Yuki paced again, cigarette clamped tightly between his lips only to prevent him from taking it in his fingers and crushing it in his agitation.

He hated this, he really hated this. He saw the people entering the cinema, watching couples enter arm in arm, bright smiles and happy voices and they just made him angrier. He looked at his watch and then resolutely thrust the hand back in his jacket pocket. He refused to keep doing that.

Standing here, waiting for Shuichi to appear made him think too much of how similar it had been to that first meeting in Quebec, the uncertainly and nerves eating away at him. It was almost enough to make him nauseous.

He shouldn’t be this nervous but he was. He had tried to convince Shuichi to let him pick him up but Shuichi indicated that there were things he had to do first, so Yuki reluctantly backed down, not wanting him to feel that he was crowding him. Instead they had arranged to meet here at the cinema and it was already nearly past the agreed time. It was not looking good.

Yuki leant against a billboard and puffed silently, listening to the traffic hum past. He looked sideways at the picture advertised and snorted. It depicted a scene from the movie they were supposed to be seeing, an all out action movie, Shuichi’s choice as he agreed it could be.

He had been a little surprised for some reason at the choice, he had thought Shuichi would go for something a little more subdued, but then again perhaps this was better after all. Complete mindless drivel might be the better way to go. In these types of movies it’s not like you have to actually think at all, and you certainly didn’t bother looking for any hidden meanings, or most times even a plot.

He half chuckled, amused despite himself. He often derided such movies and it wasn’t like he frequented the theatre that often, but deep down he didn’t really mind action movies. He had to admit there were times even he got an adrenalin rush from watching some of them.

He caught himself about to look at his watch again but stopped. Gods, what if Shuichi didn’t turn up? What did he do then? He could picture how he must look to others, a tall man left standing forlornly at the front of the cinema, obviously stood up by his sweetheart. Even he had to admit that he would look a pitiful sight. At this rate he was going to have enough sappy material to write another entire book without even thinking! What the hell was wrong with him? He began pacing again, unable to stand still and feeling as though the eyes of every stranger were resting on him, pityingly.

He suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder, the unexpectedness surprising him so much he spun around with an oath, cigarette dropping from his open mouth, to find himself facing a smiling Shuichi, casually dressed in slacks, open necked shirt and jacket.

The sight made Yuki gape all the more. Hell, the idiot looked almost grown up! Yuki still felt unnerved every time he realized that the time they had been apart had wrought many changes, not least that in the space of one year Shuichi had seemed to have become an adult.

Shuichi pushed one hand casually into the jacket pocket as he continued grinning at Yuki. “Geesh, anyone would think you had just seen a ghost!” he chuckled. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” Yuki managed to find his voice as he fell into step beside Shuichi. “You owe me a cigarette.” he grumbled.

“You can’t smoke in here so live with it,” Shuichi retorted.

Yuki just glared at him and Shuichi seemed to relent. “If you’re good I’ll buy you a packet.” he added.

“What do you expect me to do?” Yuki wanted to know as Shuichi spoke quietly to the lady at the counter and collected something.

“Oh, that’s something you’ll just have to figure out for yourself,” he said as they both followed an usher.

They were lead upstairs, away from the mainstream crowd entering the multiple doors on the ground floor and Yuki wondered what was going on. They were taken into a small section raised above the general seating below. The seats were like curved booths with an armrest between, a small table and cup-holders on either side for convenience. The usher motioned them forward with a smile and left the dimmed room, closing the door behind her.

Yuki looked around him. They were obviously in the premier lounge, special seating set aside to view first releases and other special occasions.

“Not many people,” he observed as they were the only ones present.

“There shouldn’t be,” Shuichi said, throwing himself into one of the seats with a laugh. He looked up at Yuki with mischief in his eyes. “I booked out the whole area. There are some perks to being famous.” He smirked at his cleverness.

Yuki raised an eyebrow at this forthright answer, trying not to read too much into Shuichi’s answer. It was probably so he didn’t have to deal with the stares and other annoyances from fans, not to mention the obvious speculation at seeing them both together. It wasn’t so he could just be alone with Yuki.

Yuki sat down next to him and no sooner had he done so when the door opened once more and the usher whisked in, laden with platters of food and two ice buckets which were all place on a small shelf before them. He could see one bottle was wine, while the other was soda. The food was all small finger food size; pieces of pizza, rice balls, sandwiches, chips and other assortments of snacks.

He felt his stomach growl. He had been too nervous to eat most of the day between waiting for Shuichi’s call and then worrying about the meeting to come so he had done nothing except pick absently at leftovers in the fridge. But now his stomach was letting him know it needed sustenance, and soon.

Shuichi heard the loud rumble and laughed, much to Yuki’s chagrin. “Go on,” he waved to the food before them. “Help yourself!”

Yuki was going to refuse when another rumble convinced him he had better do so if he hoped to be able to hear any dialogue what-so-ever during the movie. Standing, he picked up a plate and began placing an assortment of nibbles on it.

“By the way,” Shuichi said lazily. “I’ll have some pizza, thanks.”

Yuki looked down his nose at the young man. “Who died and made me your slave?” he snarled.

Shuichi grinned up at him. “That would certainly be something worth waiting for!” he replied.

Yuki snorted. “What? Me dying or being your slave?”

“Well, I wouldn’t want you dying just yet!”

“I suppose that’s something,” Yuki growled.

“But you being my slave would be pretty good, don’t you think?” Shuichi said, chuckling.

“In your dreams!” Yuki snapped back as he held out the second plate of pizza pieces for Shuichi to take.

He did so with a smile. “Dreams come true, remember?” he said, popping a piece in his mouth and chewing. “I always dreamt I would be a popstar and now look at me?!”

He waved his hands around seeming to forget the plate he held, almost dooming the pizza as it slid dangerously close to the edge. “Oops!” He quickly placed it on the table by his side to avoid further mishap.

“Moron!” Yuki said, biting into a sandwich. Shuichi stuck his tongue out at him which Yuki ignored.

He settled back in the seat feeling it mould comfortably to his taller frame. Many times he found most placed he went to where he had to sit for long periods of time were very uncomfortable as they did not generally cater for people of his taller stature. There were certainly drawbacks to being taller than the average population.

So it was a surprise to find himself immediately feeling quite comfortable now, relaxing, and he couldn’t prevent the soft sigh escaping him as he leant back and stretched out his legs.

Shuichi looked over at him, amused. “Glad you like it,” he said, his tone smug as though he had been solely responsible for the ergonomically designed seating. Yuki just cracked an eye open at him and didn’t deign to answer.

Yuki felt the seat shift and he opened his eyes fully to see Shuichi standing and moving to the drinks. He held a bottle up in each hand, silently questioning Yuki’s choice. He decided to go for the wine, he felt like some alcohol to further relax him and since he was deprived of his cigarettes he had to have something to console himself.

Shuichi poured two glasses and then another of soda, handing a wine to Yuki before taking the other two for himself. Yuki looked quizzically at the two drinks and Shuichi answered the unvoiced question. “I just can’t have wine with something like pizza,” he admitted, wrinkling up his nose. “It just doesn’t seem right.”

“Who would have thought you were some kind of connoisseur?” Yuki said sarcastically.

Shuichi punched him lightly on the arm and picked up his soda, taking a large swallow. “See, you can’t do that with wine!” he said, smacking his lips.

“Oh, you can,” Yuki replied, sipping from his glass. “If you want to throw up afterwards.”

“Bleh!” Shuichi grimaced. “Thanks for putting me off my dinner!”

“Anytime,”

The lights began to dim and Yuki started to fidget to ensure he was comfortable but each time found the armrest knocking his elbow.

“Is that in the way?” Shuichi asked after feeling the bump for the third time. Yuki just growled wordlessly, shifting again. “Why didn’t you say so?” and Shuichi flipped it up so it tucked completely away between the two back cushions so you couldn’t even tell it was there. “See?” Shuichi said, settling back himself and snuggling comfortably into his seat. He spread his hands out wide with a smile. “Make yourself at home!”

Yuki took immediate advantage of the extra space, spreading his long limbs out a little more yet ensuring he didn’t let himself touch any part of Shuichi now that the barrier between them was gone. The lights dimmed fully and the screen soon flared to life.

The movie wasn’t too bad as far as action movies go. There were some breathtaking stunts, daredevil deeds undertaken and surprisingly it also had a story that was reasonably realistic and able to be followed. Shuichi let himself get caught up in the fast-paced excitement, fixed on the events being played out on the screen before him. At some point as the wine bottle had emptied, Shuichi had put aside his adult persona and slipped back to a teenager, his jacket tossed over the side table and shoes kicked off so he could put his feet up on the seat.

Yuki could feel the seat bouncing under him as Shuichi jumped around as though trying to mimic the stunts being played out on the big screen. He was acutely aware of the man by his side. He was beginning to think of Shuichi more and more as that – a man. Before he had been ‘the kid’, ‘brat’ not to mention ‘idiot’, ‘moron’, and whatever else came to mind at the time. Never before had he thought of him as a man. Shuichi had always seemed so young before as though, despite his years, he refused to grow up. There had always been that perception of innocent youth, completely childlike, completely at odds sometimes with the stage costumes he would wear as lead singer of Bad Luck, but perhaps that is what had been his appeal. Both to Yuki and his fans.

Now however that image had changed. Shuichi wasn’t so innocent, his youthfulness had altered no longer completely childlike. His new stage presence portrayed a slightly harder edge, far more mysterious, far more inaccessible and thus far more alluring than he had been previously. Now his image, both on stage and off, was that of a man very much in control of his life.

As his seat rocked again with Shuichi’s bouncing he couldn’t help but revise that opinion. Perhaps he hadn’t completely grown up yet!

As the film continued Yuki became aware that about half way through Shuichi’s movements were no longer quite as boisterous, and from the corner of his eye he caught him yawning more than once. Obviously he was tired, not surprising really with the countdown to the tour only a few days away. He was trying to avoid thinking about that fact.

Still he was completely startled when he felt Shuichi’s head suddenly fall against his shoulder and a quick glance revealed the closed eyes and sleeping features. Yuki froze, uncertain what to do. Surely Shuichi hadn’t meant to fall sleep on him. If the idiot hadn’t put the arm rest up this wouldn’t have happened.

He gazed down at the sleeping face, the features illuminated in the flickering lights from the screen which Yuki was ignoring completely, all his attention absorbed in his study of his beloved face. Shuichi didn’t look particularly comfortable and he was beginning to worry he would slip from his precarious perch and be jolted awake. Nothing was worse than being startled from a deep sleep suddenly as he well knew.

He reached up an unsteady hand and rested it lightly on the side of the sleeping head, feeling the slightly prickly hair from the mousse the youth had used to style his hair. Holding it lightly in place he moved his body forward a little bringing Shuichi with him and gingerly lifted his other arm up until he could circle it around Shuichi’s shoulders.

He shifted slightly so he was pushed further into the corner of his seat, swinging his legs around so they now stretched out before Shuichi’s side. In this position he could cradle the smaller man better, letting him nestle further onto his chest and shoulder.

With Shuichi’s head resting just below his chin he couldn’t resist letting his cheek lay against it, breathing in the fresh scent of the youth. He could feel the warmth of the body lying against his, permeating through his clothes, heating his own body. He tried to suppress the shiver that coursed down his spine as his arm tightened reflexively around the narrow shoulders, drawing that body closer to him. It had been so long since he had been able to hold him like this.

He nuzzled the hair gently, closing his eyes. If this was what would await him in death he would go to it gladly. How had he survived for so long without this? He tightened his grip again, settling Shuichi in closer. He heard the youth sigh against his chest and for a moment feared that he had awoken him but instead Shuichi simply seemed to snuggle closer, one hand climbing up to rest lightly on Yuki’s chest directly over his heart.

He felt that organ’s beating speed up at that light touch, holding his breath until the need to fill his starving lungs forced him to begin again. Lying like that, with his past lover in his arms, he vowed again that he wasn’t going to give up. There had to be a way to convince Shuichi to come back. He had missed this more than he had realized. Like a starving man suddenly finding a feast set out before him, he wanted to devour it completely.

He was so focused on the figure in his arms he didn’t see anything else, including the credits rolling as the film ended.