Primary Gain

The long-awaited chapter seven has arrived! I hope it's everything you hoped it would be. Thanks always to the reviewers. Every time I get a review in the mail I think about primary gain, it really is great motivation and I read each and every one. For those of you who don't know PG updates are being posted on my Wordpress account. I get a lot 'pleeeease don't let it die' e-mails. If you're worried just go check the account!

Thank you to Hawk my awesome, awesome beta. She's the reason you guys are getting such an awesome chapter today instead of a not so awesome chapter many weeks from now.

Chapter Seven

It was nearly four in the morning by the time Lelouch made it home. Suzaku was waiting on the porch, watching as a familiar dark motorcycle came up the driveway and parked. He killed the engine and Suzaku could see the smile on his face even in the dark, his hair mussed by the wind. Suzaku felt like he’d come back to an entirely different person, again, but this person seemed to be more of a culmination than the scrap Prince that Lelouch had become. He had no idea if Lelouch had actually changed, but he allowed himself to hope when the man turned around, saw him waiting, and smiled a little.

“Did Kallen make it home or is she still here?”

Suzaku shook his head. “She wants to talk to you about something, but it’s been long enough that she’s probably passed out on the couch.”

Gino’s bike pulled up and he and Rolo got off. Gino gave a little salute and then disappeared into the garage, dragging the boy behind him. Lelouch walked a little closer and Suzaku caught the flash of the gun beneath his coat, smelled gunpowder, and didn’t comment about the little black specks on the man’s cheek. The blood would wash off. Lelouch sat next to him with a sigh before asking, “Do you have your knife?”

Suzaku grabbed the backup blade stuck in pocket and handed it forward. He’d had to change back into his jeans and t-shirt. His jacket had just barely managed to stay together during the ride back to the house, but it had fallen apart a couple steps inside. He hadn’t had time to worry about that though, with Sayako getting out a thread and needle for his cuts. He watched as Lelouch took the gun out of his holster and opened the knife.

Very, very carefully, Lelouch etched two lines on the barrel of his mother’s gun.

“Thirty-four,” he said quietly, handing the blade back. Suzaku didn’t ask, because he didn’t need to. Honestly, he was a bit surprised that it was only two tallies. Lelouch had looked angry enough to empty his clip.

And Suzaku really had no room to talk when he’d already killed three. It had just been Bradley’s bad luck that he’d chosen possibly one of the lowest moments in Suzaku’s life to challenge him to a duel. By all rights Suzaku should have been dead drunk by the time they showed up, but every time he grabbed the bottle he felt Lelouch’s thin wrist inside his hands instead. It wasn’t long until he couldn’t drink at all.

“There are ten men who owe their life to you,” Lelouch said quietly, sheathing the weapon. “And in Britannia blood debts are powerful things.”

“Thank you for not killing them.”

“You’re welcome.”

The silence wasn’t tense, but it was full, thick with all the questions Suzaku wanted to ask but couldn’t bring himself to say. He wanted to know if Lelouch’s wrist was bruised, wanted to know why he’d ridden out to pick Suzaku up, wanted to know if he was sick for not caring that five men had died.

Instead Suzaku said, “I can’t believe you own a pair of jeans.”

Lelouch’s head dipped forward and he followed the long silence with a small laugh.

“I can’t believe they still fit.” Lelouch’s voice was soft, different than Suzaku had ever heard. “The last time I wore this outfit I was about to graduate.”

“From college?”

His head tilted to the side and Suzaku caught the barest bit of gleam of his eyes.

“High school,” Lelouch huffed. “Maybe Sayako just got the same clothes in a different size-”

“You looked like that in high school?” Suzaku laughed. “It suits you better than, um-”

“Actual suits?”

“Yeah.” Suzaku ran a hand through his hair, tired and very amused. “You looked like you were about to give someone a serious ass-kicking or pistol-whipping or something. Standing there with your gun-”

And looking absolutely, fiercely gorgeous with a different sort of self-confidence, looking like a leader, a protector, instead of a ruthless conspirator. It was as if some warped glass had been removed to reveal Lelouch for the first time and turn the whole world a little more vibrant. But what had been taken away that would make such a drastic alteration in Lelouch’s character?

“Suzaku.” Lelouch’s voice was a murmur just loud enough to cut through his wonderings.

“Yeah?”

“You like women, Suzaku.” Lelouch looked up at him. “Not men.”

Suzaku swallowed, feeling very cold as Lelouch stared insistently, but softly.

“It’s been a while since you had an intimate emotional relationship with a man. You’ve probably never had a best friend when you were growing up. Just girlfriends, because it’s easy to be with them and you understand exactly what they want from you, you know what to say to them, how to act-”

It was Dr. Lamperouge’s words, his careful, even cadence, but not his tone. There was an underlying emotion that Suzaku couldn’t quite grasp because he was too busy trying to understand what Lelouch was saying.

“-and the only way you really know how to interact with other men is through violence. That’s not bad or good, it’s just how things work for you…and after so many years behavior like that becomes pretty permanent.” Lelouch sighed softly, but it was there. “What you’re feeling now is a kind of dissonance between the two. It’s possible to be close to a person without sex getting involved, which I’m sure you understand, but it’s new to you. It will take some time, but soon enough things will settle between us… Maybe you’ll be able to make space for a male friend or maybe you won’t but-”

Suzaku identified the emotion: disappointment, regret and holding it all together-

Lelouch didn’t fight against him, but he went very still and entirely non-responsive except for the hand that was slowly, but gradually pushing Suzaku away as Suzaku tried to kiss him.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Suzaku whispered breathily. “Say whatever you want to make yourself feel better but I’m pretty sure the last time you let someone get really close to you was never. If you don’t want me like that just say so. You don’t have to feed me psycho-babble to spare my damn ego.”

Lelouch didn’t say anything, but the pressure on Suzaku’s chest disappeared as Lelouch fisted his t-shirt.

“You like girls.” The smooth confidence turned into exasperation and Lelouch leaned back to look him in the eyes. “Suzaku…you like breasts, and I’m not going to grow a pair any time soon.”

“Obviously.” Suzaku skewed the phrase intentionally. “You just don’t want to take a chance. What are you scared of, Lelouch?”

It was the wrong thing to say. Lelouch swallowed and turned his face as Suzaku thought, Schneizel.

What Suzaku wanted to say, would bleed to be able to say, was ‘I won’t hurt you’, but that obviously wasn’t true anymore.

“I’m going to steal a kiss,” Suzaku said softly, “And tomorrow we’re going on a date.”

“Excuse me?” Lelouch had no problem making eye contact again. “Suzaku, don’t say stupid things.”

“Don’t call me stupid,” Suzaku groused back. “You said it yourself. It’s new for you, it’s new for me, so we’re going to take it slow.”

“Take what slow?!” Lelouch shoved him away, with an odd, uncomprehending look on his face. “Suzaku there’s nothing to take… A date? You’re crazy! With everything else going on you’re actually going to suggest-”

Suzaku stole his kiss. He leaned forward and caught Lelouch’s mouth, raising one hand to touch the slope of his face and using the other to pull Lelouch close. It was a hold that Lelouch could dissolve with another sharp push, but after a moment tense full-body frustration Lelouch gave in, rolling his eyes and putting and arm around Suzaku’s neck. The moment Lelouch began to respond Suzaku pulled back, making a face.

“You know, maybe you’re right,” he said, nose scrunched as Lelouch stared up with wide eyes. “That was the worst kiss I’ve ever-”

Lelouch scowled, grabbed a fistful of Suzaku’s hair and pulled him back down. And, well, Suzaku had been expecting something similar to what happened during their first real kiss. It was supposed to start with half-crazed grasping before gentling into something else, but Lelouch pulled him down until they were both horizontal, holding Suzaku’s head in place to control the pace. One second they’d be kissing deeply, desperately, and the next Lelouch would be biting at his mouth, canting his hips up to run one of his legs against Suzaku’s side. Suzaku felt like he was playing some sort of hormone-laced game of chicken as Lelouch switched up the level a higher notch just as soon as Suzaku was getting comfortable. He could only brace his forearms next to Lelouch’s shoulders and follow his lead.

He’d been serious when he said he was just going to steal a kiss, take things slowly, but they were only a few minutes in as he was sitting up, his back leaning against the door as helped Lelouch strip out of his holster and jacket. It was almost shocking to see his arms bare, to feel how soft his skin was as Suzaku ran his fingers down to Lelouch’s wrists. Suzaku felt possessed, honestly out of control, when he grabbed Lelouch’s left arm by the elbow and licked his wrist, right where he had hit the nerve. He kissed the bare skin of Lelouch’s wrist, licked the bump of the bone, bit lightly on the curve and Lelouch… Lelouch shuddered, biting his bottom lip as he stared, his free hand running through Suzaku’s hair, sliding his thumb against the sensitive skin behind his ear.

Then, because he had always liked it when girls did it to him, Suzaku dragged his teeth lightly up Lelouch’s palm and took one of those long, elegant fingers into his mouth. Lelouch froze, staring, trembling and Suzaku sucked, gently moving his tongue against the tip.

Whatever constraint that Lelouch had been using to remain in control broke. He made a noise that could have been a word but wasn’t, pulled his hand away, and caught Suzaku’s mouth in a deep, moaning kiss. He heard himself making a noise in return but Suzaku’s focus was on getting Lelouch closer, feeding that burning thrill by grabbing the man’s thighs and-

He yelled in surprise when those long fingers grabbed him at the crotch, caressing in time with the rhythm of their mouths. There was a certain twist and Suzaku was helpless, incapable of doing anything but baring his throat as he panted, shook, and did everything he could to keep Lelouch close. Lelouch’s shoulder was moving slightly, he was breathing roughly, but all of his attention was for Suzaku and the sounds coming out of Suzaku’s mouth. He would move his hand one way only to turn it suddenly the other, making Suzaku groan and cry out just as soon as he was gaining some kind of control over his vocal chords. Suzaku finally just gave up trying to stem all of the pathetic little whimpers and tones.

“You’re beautiful,” Lelouch breathed, barely even a whisper, in an odd, absent way…as if he wasn’t really hearing himself.

“God,” Suzaku gasped at the look in his eyes, an unflinching desire as he caught Suzaku’s mouth again, murmuring things Suzaku couldn’t even hear for the haze of quickly mounting pleasure. The hum of Lelouch’s words, the sweet smell of his skin when Suzaku pressed his face in the crook of Lelouch’s neck, the steady caress of his fingers through Suzaku’s hair, the rhythm of his hand increasing…it was too much to contain. It was just too much.

“Yes, yes,” Lelouch’s low whisper solidified in the excess, “Just like that, Suzaku… Just like that-”

And his voice was almost a touch of its own, a tender caress, a stroke…a kiss… Suzaku gripped Lelouch’s thighs hard and squeezed his eyes shut, biting his bottom lip in a last desperate bid for discretion. For a moment there was nothing but that moment and Lelouch’s closeness, shaking, relentless pleasure and those murmuring whispers.

Then there was Lelouch’s warm embrace, his whispered hush while Suzaku hugged him close, as close as he could, and said, “Lelouch…Lelouch… -”

Suzaku opened his eyes at the gentle caress of fingers combing through his hair and a soft kiss on the forehead.

“Don’t leave me,” Lelouch whispered, pressing another chaste kiss. “Just don’t do it, Suzaku.”

“I won’t.” Suzaku could barely catch his breath, still caught in humming, gentle pleasure. “I won’t.”

“Promise.”

“I won’t leave you.” Suzaku pressed their lips together. “I promise, Lelouch. I swear.”

Lelouch smiled and it was slow, sincere, and sad… That smile turned into a caress as Lelouch drew his thumb against Suzaku’s cheekbone, running through a thin layer of sweat. He was suddenly cold, chilled from the pre-dawn air and shivering into the warmth of Lelouch’s hold. He was so careful, so gentle and unrushed that Suzaku forgot that there was supposed to be two sides to passion.

Lelouch smiled then, a sharp little smirk as he rose out of Suzaku’s lap.

“I think we can skip that date.”

Then he opened the door and laughed when Suzaku fell limply through the doorway, his head hitting the floor. Lelouch nudged his hip a little with the toe of his shoe.

“You’re hopeless,” Lelouch chuckled, disappearing into the dark of the hallway. Suzaku just stayed where he fell, catching his breath and trying to work up some sort of energy to move after a brain-melting orgasm. After a few moments he heard footsteps and sighed, letting his eyes close, grateful that Lelouch had come back to help.

There was a giggle.

Suzaku winced and then reluctantly looked up into Kallen’s face-splitting grin. She laughed at him again, eyes sparkling in pure joy as her body trembled. After a moment she finally caught enough breath to blurt, “Fag.”

“Godamnit,” Suzaku groaned, feeling his face burn in an enormous blush. “Kallen-”

“You’re a fucking fag,” Kallen repeated, gleeful, her whole body shaking with soundless laughter. She had to put a hand against the wall to keep herself propped up.

“Your heterosexual status has been revoked,” she elaborated, gasping. “Jesus… I’ve never heard you make so much noise-”

“Shut up, shut up,” Suzaku groaned, levering himself up through the staying power of absolute embarrassment. If only he could get away, he wouldn’t hear anymore-

“-the neighbors are probably jacking off.” Kallen kicked him back down, socked foot on his chest. “That was porno, Suzaku, the good kind… Even I’m a little-”

Kallen made a face of utter joy and cut herself off, yelling, “Gino!”

She started to scamper off and all Suzaku could think to do, still half out of his mind, was yell-

“No sex in the house!”

***
“You have to come out of the room sometime,” Lelouch said, sounding far too composed and smiling a little as he handed Suzaku a piece of toast.

“No I don’t,” Suzaku mumbled through a mouth of crumbs, glaring. “I’m sick. I have the flu.”

Lelouch snorted, staring down with familiar, narrowed eyes.

“Well, Gino and Kallen caught the same flu, apparently.” He smirked. “Sayako found them sleeping half-naked on the lawn. One of the neighbors called saying she didn’t think her child was quite old enough for sex ed.”

Suzaku pulled the comforter over his head, groaning.

Then Suzaku remembered something important and pulled it back down just enough to peer at Lelouch from under the edge, hiding his blush.

“Um. Last night,” Suzaku was dreadfully grateful that Lelouch couldn’t see his face, “I finally made it upstairs, and…you were in the bathroom.”

Suzaku felt better when Lelouch’s cheeks flushed a little as he glanced away, apparently finding the lamp fascinating.

“Well, I’m not made of stone, Suzaku.”

Suzaku laughed, tried to stop and ended up giggling. Stone, the dumb little voice in his head informed, was hard. Ha. Lelouch got over his blush and glared.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?”

“Sorry.” Suzaku blushed a little. “Not about that. About the other thing.”

“My erection?” Lelouch glared, caustic and biting. Just hearing the word come out of his mouth, blatant and in the bright light of day-

Suzaku retreated under the covers and did a little more giggling.

And then he was being smothered.

And somewhere in between Lelouch trying to kill Suzaku and Suzaku trying to get him to stop there was just a little too much wiggling of Lelouch straddling his lap. Then they were having an entirely different game…struggle… Whatever it was had a lot of Lelouch’s grouchy smiling and Suzaku just grinning as they switched positions and Suzaku pinned his wrists on the bed.

“I wanted to help out,” Suzaku said, not worrying about his blush. Lelouch was just as flushed, giving his cold glare a slightly petulant look that had an odd, unexpected symmetry on the man’s face. Suzaku laughed, teasing, “Don’t pout at me, Lelouch.”

Suzaku leaned down to kiss him and Lelouch’s mouth made a sharp, hollow sound as he lunged forward, snapping his teeth. Only his carefully honed reflexes kept Suzaku from getting his face bitten. He was slightly shocked, slightly grumpy, and fully aware that he should have anticipated such a succinct reaction. Still, just like Lelouch said, Suzaku couldn’t help himself. He pressed his lips into a pout, leaning forward just out of reach, and crooned-

“I’ve been awake fifteen whole minutes…and you won’t let me have a kiss?”

Lelouch rolled his eyes so hard it probably hurt. He tried to bring his knee up but Suzaku was pretty solidly seated and it did nothing to help. Lelouch, Suzaku realized, was about as physically dangerous as a kitten. He thanked god that the man at least knew how to aim a gun.

“God,” Lelouch growled, trying to free his wrists from Suzaku’s pin. “I should have known you’d get sappy.”

When Suzaku grinned Lelouch’s face molded into a plain, easy stare which usually signaled that Suzaku was about to get a verbal whiplash.

Worse than that, Lelouch said, “You know, I think I’m getting an erection right now.”

The words came out so calmly and so straight-faced that Suzaku didn’t comprehend until after a few moments of witless staring. Then he blushed, eyes wide and very nearly let go of Lelouch’s hands to back away from the sudden reality of what he was doing and who he was doing it with. At night, caught up in adrenalin and defiant lust, it had been easy to touch Lelouch. But, in the morning, simply playful and awake, the reality was slightly startling.

Which Lelouch obviously meant to use as his advantage. Instead, Suzaku gathered every bit of courage, stubbornness, and love for the man together. Suzaku leaned forward, and murmured, “Oh?”

Because he’d seen the initial flinch Lelouch wasn’t prepared to meet Suzaku’s slow, wicked smile as he leaned forward and blocked the sun, giving them the privacy of a light shadow. Lelouch’s eyes widened and his mouth opened just the barest bit as his breath started to puff against Suzaku's mouth in shallow, hot exhales.

“Yes,” Lelouch murmured, sounding a little unsure as he pushed himself deeper into the mattress. He was unable to flinch and Suzaku thought as those violet eyes widened in the slightest alarm, ‘Be careful what you wish for.’

“Then maybe I’ll finish what I should have started last night.” Suzaku backed away a little, smiling coyly and grateful when that hint of fear was gone from Lelouch’s stare. Suzaku shifted his weight and let fingers slide lightly down the man’s arms, looking for and finding what was becoming a familiar heat beginning to gather in his eyes.

And then Suzaku was shouting in shock, holding his ears as Lelouch shoved him off and took three great strides to the door. He opened it and stood just enough behind it, Suzaku would think later when his head wasn’t ringing, just far enough to hide everything below the waistline. Lelouch was scowling when Suzaku finally sat up, entirely scandalized that Lelouch would have the nerve to box his ears like some unruly child when Suzaku was offering him at the very least a nice make out session. Ungrateful. Suzaku scowled back, purposely ignoring his own fading bulge as Lelouch gave it its own (but slightly less fierce) glare.

He finally met Suzaku’s face again, flushing as he yelled, “Get out of bed!”

Lelouch slammed the door behind him but it instantly swung outward as he offered a last volley.

“No sex in the house!”

He didn’t miss the opportunity to slam the door again.

Suzaku’s anger and disbelief switched into wondering bemusement. Was it possible that Lelouch had some kind exhibition thing? It would explain the bizarre rule. He threw himself back on the mattress, sighing deeply, and reluctantly prepared for another bright, sunny day spent planning a war.

*

Suzaku descended the stairs and through a barrier of thick silence, eerie after the last few mornings of animation, if not joviality. Instead Suzaku found himself pausing at the last three steps, staring down to look at Lelouch standing with his arms crossed and staring with a bright, intense fury unlike any Suzaku had ever seen. He’d thought he’d seen Lelouch angry until he walked down the corridor that morning, but the look on his face made Suzaku wonder if what he had thought were temper tantrums were Lelouch’s equivalent of a sigh. He couldn’t understand what could possibly turn what was looking like he set-up for a friendly conversation into a showdown.

Then he peered around the corner and saw who was standing in the doorway, smiling softly, almost warmly, as if he hadn’t a single care in the world.

“Suzaku.” Lelouch didn’t even look in his direction. “Don’t.”

Suzaku looked down, realizing for the first time that he was holding his weapon in a tight, furious grip. It stung but Suzaku did as he was told.

Schneizel smiled. “Good boy.”

“Fu-”

“What do you want, Schneizel?” Lelouch cut him off with a short glare before turning back to his brother. “I don’t remember inviting you to my home.”

“And I don’t remember receiving an invitation.” Schneizel smirked and Suzaku wanted to kill him so very, very slowly as the man held out a hand, saying, “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

Schneizel’s left hand was extended but three of his fingers were tucked in, revealing only the forefinger and the thumb. When Suzaku only glared Schneizel looked down at his own hand, pantomimed a look of surprise, and then extended every finger in succession like some macabre magic trick. It was only Lelouch’s glare that gave Suzaku the stomach to clasp that hand in his own, wishing that he had thought to put his own gloves on. Schneizel was wearing warm leather and it felt far too much like real skin.

The handshake was firm and lasted far too long for any kind of comfort. The grip was too tight and unsettling. Suzaku remembered doing the same with Rolo and grimaced.

Schneizel looked at him and said, “Oh, what a face. I can see why you’ve taken to him Lelouch.”

Lelouch said nothing but his lips thinned together. Suzaku did his best to ease the tension by pulling himself together and remember his training days and his own seething hatred for his drill sergeant and managed, “May I ask why you are here,” he faltered for a moment and settled with, “Your Highness?”

Schneizel looked at him with an amused expression that began to feel like it wasn’t an expression at all, just a pleasant, perfect façade. When he dropped Suzaku’s hand Schneizel tapped his own together in a strange, almost delicate motion before looking back at Lelouch. A clap.

“Is this the part where you give him a treat?” Lelouch took two quick breaths and Schneizel hummed, searching in his own pocket before pulling out a small candy bar.

Lelouch went white and stopped breathing entirely, his body going stiff as Schneizel said, “I brought this for you, brother, but Seven’s performance has been much more admirable.” Schneizel stepped in close, leaning over gracefully in a move that turned him into a looming figure. He was a large man and, like most of the royalty Suzaku had met, Schneizel seemed larger in person than he did on a television screen. His force of personality alone was smothering and Suzaku didn’t dare refuse the ‘reward’ Schneizel pressed into his palm.

Schneizel said, “Lelouch has always been too emotional for his own good,” and Suzaku felt like he had lost a small battle just standing there silently, not knowing what to do, or simply what he as allowed to do. He stood there feeling like an idiot before pocketing the treat, uncomfortable as he remembered the look on Lelouch’s face when it was exposed.

Meat, Lelouch had hissed, a dog of Britannia. Suzaku finally understood why the man had felt so betrayed.

“But you don’t seem to have that problem, do you?” Schneizel started to look a little bored, taking a quick glance around the house and settling again on Lelouch. “At least our esteemed Knight of Seven knows when to take advantage of a favorable opportunity.”

“A personality trait we seem to share, Your Highness.” Suzaku’s voice was thick with disgust, there was no way he could disguise the emotion. It seemed to buzz about his skin, electric and undeniable. For once he understood how Lelouch could hate so fiercely because Schneizel, the sick bastard, laughed, his eyes narrowing in what Suzaku assumed was a brief glimpse of actual emotion.

Lelouch flinched a little and Suzaku felt his adrenalin spike as Schneizel drawled, “Puppies always have the sharpest teeth. It’s a shame that their bites only sting.”

“What,” Lelouch breathed, “the fuck do you want?”

Schneizel looked at him - only a glance - but Suzaku could read the look in his eyes: You’ve lost your edge. Lelouch read the same message and flushed, looking very suddenly young as his arms slipped and hung loose at his sides. In that moment, a single look, Lelouch’s fortifying anger was gone as if it had never been. Suzaku’s stomach dropped in sympathy as Schneizel glanced away to stare at Suzaku as if his brother wasn’t even there.

“I need an extra Rounds member and you’re the closest,” he said, slipping a hand into his coat to reveal a slim phone. He consulted it for a moment before saying, “Weinberg has an annoying habit of obeying the driving laws. He’s fifteen minutes away and I need you now.”

Suzaku looked to Lelouch, but he was already striding away into the kitchen, the sound of shattering glass following in his wake as he gave into his temper.

“Like I said,” Schneizel turned on his heel and Suzaku, wearing his smart uniform of white and gold, could only follow, finally paying the price.

*

They parked on the side of a gravel road, close to the grass under a green slope shaded by large, ancient trees with roots as thick as limbs and spreading out like long, twisted fingers. Suzaku could imagine them deep in the ground and was unsettled by the thought of seeking roots piercing through the ground under nearby headstones. Did the ancient coffins shatter? Or after so many years, enough to wash deep etching into small, moss-covered furrows, did the coffins even exist? He was stopped briefly by the thought of bones and roots entwining deep in the earth.

When Suzaku finally looked up from the closest weathered headstones, he found that Schneizel was waiting, watching with a pale, solemn face. Suzaku was startled to realize that he had been under such intense focus and had never even felt the touch of Schneizel’s regard. In the FBI Suzaku could sense just a glance. But those had all been predatory glances from hardened criminals. Schneizel was certainly a criminal but his eyes were not set into a glare, not even in mockery.

Schneizel, murderer of hundreds, the ruin of so many lives, stood simply and peacefully reverent under a dappling of sunlight. He was like a carving, beautiful but frozen in time, only to be admired but never understood.

Suzaku looked away reflexively, as if he had caught the man naked, bare instead of simply waiting. He only glanced back again at the gentle sound of soft treads in the grass. In his unease Suzaku wanted to demand why they were there, why Schneizel could possibly need him in a sea of tombstones but it was that same thought that stopped him. Loud demands in such a quiet, peaceful place when Schneizel was being the epitome of graceful manners seemed wrong, maybe even barbarous.

It struck Suzaku once again what a different world these men and women were bred in, and what it meant to be a prince. That moment didn’t make Suzaku despise the man any less - that disgust and hate were still roiling and churning inside of him - but it was suppressed by the silence.

Suzaku crested the hill to see Schneizel already crouching below, staring intently at a simple, unadorned tombstone. His long white coat was spread out behind him along the grass and there was something unsettling about seeing Schneizel’s bare hands out in the sunlight reaching out to just barely brush his fingertips against the weathered stone.

His two white gloves were set against the long, slim black box he had brought with him and Suzaku looked at them, just those gloves, and experienced a sudden, irrational wave of terror. It had only been a dream, but he could still remember walking into his kitchen and getting a glass of water, and then turning slowly to see those gloves lying limply in the center of his table, a shining silver nail running through them. Suzaku remembered bolting out of bed, sweating and shaking as he threw his bedside drawer open. He had turned the whole thing over, grasping wildly for his gun.

Suzaku stepped back and he must have done something, made a sound because Schneizel was suddenly pressed against the headstone, searching the terrain with sharp eyes and his weapon in hand.

“It’s not-” Suzaku looked down, pressed a hand against his clammy face. “Don’t. It’s just a thing.”

Schneizel stood and gave him a strange look as he holstered his weapon. He glanced down at the box and his gloves and that look intensified, as if he was back to staring at the tombstone and ready to reach out.

“Get over here, Knight of Seven,” Schneizel commanded, crouching back down.

Again, Suzaku could do nothing but obey, fisting his hands tightly in his coat pockets and trying not to tremble. He didn’t believe in fate or destiny and found the ideas ridiculous. But those fucking gloves. It was almost too much, Suzaku almost walked away, and he didn’t manage to catch the gloves when they were suddenly tossed in his direction, even though Schneizel was close and had tossed them lightly.

Schneizel wasn’t watching as Suzaku snatched the gloves off the ground like they were burning but Suzaku knew Schneizel had seen his fear. At that moment Suzaku wanted nothing more than the safety of Dr. Lamperouge - his cool office, his uncomplicated encouragement, the way he played with his pens and smiled softly - but that man was gone.

Another prince had been in Dr. Lamperouge’s place long before Lelouch, Suzaku realized in one sickening surge. Suzaku replayed those moments in the foyer over and over again. Schneizel smiled with that same waiting face, he carried himself with smooth, simple gestures and made them elegant when compared to his stinging wit. The deep quiet and calm of Dr. Lamperouge seemed to be the same center of Schneizel, the epitome of a professional manipulating the minds around him with ease.

Suddenly the memories of Suzaku’s sessions with Lelouch took on a frightening turn.

“Please inform me if you’re having some kind of a mental breakdown.” Schneizel raised his eyes. “I’m afraid I require your mind at full capacity, however limited that may be.”

Suzaku ran a hand through his hair and took a deep, steadying breath.

“I really fucking hate you. You know that, right?”

Schneizel stood with the black box in the crook of his arm and stared for a long, long time.

“I hate you more,” Schneizel said, and his face was grim, his cold eyes narrowed and suddenly dark as he turned away. His rage was nearly palpable and entirely unearned. They hadn’t known each other more than an hour, the space of a few sentences, and Suzaku now felt every bit of his sizeable enmity being returned with just a glance and a gesture.

Suzaku stood, speechless, feeling as if he had been punched in the gut, suddenly bereft of breath. He could only watch, stunned and confused as Schneizel strode deeper into the recesses of the cemetery. He had watched hours and hours of footage of Schneizel along with the rest of the task force, but he had never seen even a glimpse of those angry eyes.

For a moment Suzaku wondered how close to death he had been since their first meeting, oblivious to that rage. He had been too busy hating to think that Schneizel might feel. He followed the bright flash of blonde hair off into the distance, wondering what he had gotten himself into and how deep a hole he had already dug.

The irony of wondering this in a cemetery did not escape him.

*

Suzaku found Schneizel sitting on the base of a statue, an angel watching from above with outstretched wings and welcoming arms. There were roses scattered at his feet in a haphazard manner. Some of the blooms had been trod on, petals looking like scattered drops of blood in Suzaku’s morbid state.

“I feel the need to remind you of your station, Seven,” Schneizel said, frowning at a sheaf of papers, his legs out and crossed at the ankles. “Our conversation is to be relayed to no one unless I give you permission. I know it will be difficult but you’ll have to keep that pretty mouth closed when you are in private company, kneeling before our passionate young prince.”

The implied scenario was not one Suzaku had truly considered before. He’d mouthed Lelouch’s fingers but whenever Suzaku was thinking about kneeling and mouths, something he had so far avoided, mostly, it was never Lelouch that he was thinking about. To have the image forced on him for the first time out in public, with Schneizel, was disturbing and embarrassing. Schneizel was entirely composed and Suzaku was flushing, ready to jump out of his skin and trying not to think of mouths and penises and princes and whatever disconcerting combination might spill out of the mix of all three.

“When I said I hated you I was being a little vague.” Suzaku pulled himself together out of sheer spite. “I won’t talk to you behind Lelouch’s back and I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. You’re a murderer and a pedophile and I’d like nothing more than to put a bullet into your rotten brain-”

“-But you wouldn’t want to deny Lelouch the pleasure of getting to do it first.” Schneizel was sounding bored again and it only made Suzaku madder. Schneizel shifted a page and tried to flatten it against the marble of the angel’s base with an odd look of intense, childish concentration.

“You know, if you take that chocolate bar and squeeze it in your hand the caramel leaks out.” It seemed like a bizarre segue until Schneizel added, “If you drip the mixture on Lelouch’s cock and then suck him off he screams like he’s been shot.”

Schneizel smirked, raising his perfectly straight papers as Suzaku’s mouth fell open in shock, and added, “You have to get the really thick caramel, warm. He likes it when you fuck him with it too. On your fingers, not your dick. I did both at the same time once-” Schneizel shook his head a little and murmured, “Simply amazing.”

“You…” Suzaku took an aggressive step forward, aghast. “You...fucking-”

“Pedophile?” Schneizel snorted and tossed a photo in Suzaku’s direction. He glimpsed Lelouch’s face and aborted his lunge to collect the paper instead of throwing a punch.

The picture was of Lelouch, young and surly, holding up a numbered sign and standing next to a series of lines. It was a mug shot. Lelouch had been arrested.

“Has Lelouch ever mentioned anything about pedophilia? No.” Schneizel tossed another photo and Suzaku had to run after it in a gust of wind. It was a somewhat blurry photo but Lelouch was certainly in it, slighter and shorter, and in a passionate clutch with another very much older man. “He was FBI, by the way.”

Suzaku’s examination took a sudden turn as he looked down to the man’s exposed badge. He had worn his badge in the exact same place and suddenly Suzaku was there in the stranger’s place touching Lelouch, kissing him slowly and deeply in the dark. In a guilty flush, Suzaku looked away and Schneizel glanced up, a brief smirk on his lips.

“I admit, Lelouch was only sixteen,” Schneizel reminisced, stretching out his legs. “But, while attempting not to adhere to a certain stereotype, Lelouch was a very mature sixteen. A very mature sixteen with an automatic.”

Suzaku opened his mouth to reply and Schneizel looked up holding another sheet with a waiting stare and a raised eyebrow. Suzaku shut up.

“I can understand his disquiet after being exposed in an incestuous relationship and revealed as a prince in one blow. I have to admit that I would also be unsettled were I in the same situation.”

Suzaku waited but Schneizel didn’t continue, simply sitting. He just kept looking at his pages, shifting them until he found one that he just stared at, his eyes going far away and hazy until he left it drift and flutter from his hand.

“I am only simplifying this situation because you seem very dim.” Schneizel said, boneless against the angel’s legs, and then he shifted his gaze back to Suzaku.

The picture fluttered facedown and Suzaku picked it up carefully, almost afraid of what he might find. In the end he was afraid, but not in the way he expected to be, not horrified or disgusted.

Lelouch was looking out of his window, leaning on one elbow as his other arm dangled a little, his long narrow fingers curled and lax. His tie, usually cinched so tightly was entirely loose, close to slipping, and his hair was mussed by the wind. Suzaku wondered what it would feel like to trace that glimpse of collarbone with his lips, to slip his face into the unbuttoned slit of Lelouch’s rumpled work-shirt, if he might have enough room to make Lelouch sigh as Suzaku teased one nipple with his teeth.

But there was a reason these thoughts drifted through Suzaku’s mind, making him flush. It wasn’t just that Lelouch’s body was loose and relaxed in a way it almost never was.

In that picture, looking out his office window, Lelouch was entirely and undeniably happy. From the shine of his eyes to the slight lift of his lips Suzaku could see it, he could see Lelouch was content. Suzaku wanted that, he wanted to hold him like that, make him happy like that all of the time. The fact that it was the FBI that had been his haven, and that it had been ripped away… Suzaku’s rage grew and he took hold of his gun, but when he looked up Schneizel was already watching and a look on his face, in his eyes…

The picture crumpled in Suzaku’s hand as he realized the world as he knew it had been twisted out of recognition.

“You didn’t do it.” Suzaku watched Schneizel glance to the ruined photo and he took a step forward. “You didn’t plant the disk. You didn’t plant it.”

“I’m out of candy,” Schneizel murmured dryly. “Will a pat on the back suffice?”

“Don’t you fucking touch me.”

Schneizel glanced back, looking Suzaku straight in the face. For a moment Suzaku could only think that he’d never seen eyes so brilliantly icy blue. Then Schneizel smirked, giving Suzaku a slow look up and down, before asking, “And what exactly would you do to me if I did touch you?”

Suzaku began to feel the weight of his gun like an anvil on his hip as Schneizel, added, “But I’m content to molest you with a metaphor, Seven. Cavemen went out of style millennia ago and I feel no great urge to start a revival.”

“Lelouch seems to like me just fine.” Suzaku couldn’t help himself, his anger seething. He was watching for a reaction, a flinch, but Schneizel simply grinned.

“Yes, I’ve heard there is something of a thrill when ‘slumming it’.” Schneizel chuckled, looking back to his papers again. “But I have to admit I hadn’t expected the boy to enjoy rough trade.”

Suzaku felt his mouth drop open again, his hand dropping to his side as he tried and failed to manage a comeback. Schneizel sighed, looking suddenly tired.

“I’m done with this,” he said, slipping down from his perch. “Set up a meeting with Lelouch and remind him what it means to feud. And consider what it means, Seven, when a boy of fifteen has the respect of seasoned killers. I know exactly who I was fucking, but I doubt that you do.”

“Wait.” Suzaku stood in his way and Schneizel watched, his head tilted down slightly to peer at Suzaku. For the first time Suzaku felt the full weight of his regard. Breathless, Suzaku’s hand touched his gun and he very nearly took a step back. Every part of Suzaku’s instincts whispered, ‘run’, the same urges that demanded ‘fight’ understood what was looking down at him and it wasn’t safe to be around. The demand on Suzaku’s tongue died as his mouth went dry and his heart began to race. When Schneizel reached out and grabbed him by the jaw, it was everything Suzaku could do to not jerk away.

“All mockery aside,” Schneizel murmured, his grip tightening until Suzaku winced, “I do believe you have the potential to be an excellent member of the Rounds. But there is only one person I allow to address me in such a manner and it is not you. You will speak to me with respect or I will have your tongue.”

The statement ended in a bright flash of pain as Suzaku watched the Prince’s hand rise and forced himself to stand still. Suzaku came back to himself sitting on the grassy knoll, his face aching, watching Schneizel walking through the maze of headstones looking unperturbed and elegant.

And, the bastard, he’d left his gloves right in Suzaku’s lap.


*

Kallen got a look at Suzaku’s face and hissed, “Jesus, Kururugi, do you go out looking for fights?”

Lelouch stalked out of the kitchen looked at him and demanded, “Did you deserve it?”

“Um.” Suzaku batted Kallen’s hands away. “No…and yes.”

Lelouch turned on his heel and disappeared back into the kitchen. Kallen gave him a look before whispering, “What the hell, Suzaku? Lamperouge’s been running around looking like his favorite kid went off to war.”

It was an appropriate comparison and Suzaku told her so, adding, “I got snatched by Schneizel for a Rounds duty.” He put a hand up as her mouth gaped open. “That’s not something I can refuse, Kallen. It was a legitimate request and I mouthed off like I was you.”

“Then you probably deserved it.” Kallen sighed and looked over her shoulder to the kitchen, a small frown on her lips. “I hope you got in some doozies though.”

“Not really.” Suzaku took off his jacket with a grim smile. “He insulted my intelligence, my looks, called me a lap dog and compared me to a gay prostitute. I told him he was an asshole.”

Kallen put a hand to her mouth and choked, “Schneizel Britannia called you a hooker. A stupid, ugly, gay hooker.”

Lelouch peeked back around the corner, his eyebrows nearing his hairline. His violet eyes were as wide as Suzaku had ever seen and his cheeks were flushed too, nothing like the pale scowl he’d been greeted with.

“That about sums it up.” Suzaku sighed as Lelouch’s face disappeared and seconds later Gino’s voice asked, “What’s so funny?”

Kallen had both hands over her face and her shoulders were shaking slightly and she seemed to be making an actual effort not to laugh in his face but when Gino started laughing in the kitchen he took her along until finally Suzaku found himself the butt of the joke. Again.

“It’s like all my birthdays came at once,” She snorted, heaving for breath. “Fuckin’- a, Suzaku-”

But Suzaku wasn’t worried about Kallen. He took a few quick strides to the kitchen where Lelouch was staring out the window with an odd, wondering look in his eyes and something that seemed like a caught smile, not a grimace and not a grin. Slowly he began to bite his bottom lip, letting it slip back into place in a wet, pink slide. Lelouch sighed and Suzaku touched him between the shoulder-blades, moved his hand up to palm the slope of his neck and leaned forward. Suzaku kissed Lelouch on the cheek and when Lelouch turned to let him Suzaku kissed Lelouch on the lips, slow and gentle and easy in the afternoon light.

That moment felt like their first kiss. The one they were supposed to have instead of the crazed half-betweens in the middle of the night. Sweet, soft, and for once Lelouch let Suzaku take charge, angling them both with a hand on Lelouch’s hip to lean against the counter and just kiss him. When they pulled away Suzaku had a hand on Lelouch’s neck, his fingers drifting up into silky hair.

“That bad, huh?”

Suzaku smiled as Lelouch’s cold fingertips traced the contour of his bruise.

“Yeah,” Suzaku whispered, leaning in close, “but that’s not why I kissed you.”

“Hm.” Lelouch murmured in return. “Tell me why.”

Suzaku smiled even though Schneizel had made sure it would really hurt. He smiled because even though the day was shitty, questions were bouncing around in his skull, and he wanted to just scream, it was still all stored up inside him. Just watching Lelouch be beautiful in the sunlight was enough to make Suzaku give Lelouch that smile in a kiss, to pass it over. His ploy worked.

“Just starting my life of crime,” Suzaku teased. “Thought I’d steal a few kisses.”

A short silence settled over the room and for a moment Suzaku imagined Lelouch rolling his eyes and walking away with an exasperated sigh. But when that moment ended, Suzaku found himself pulled against Lelouch as the man stole his own kiss. It was long and lovely and Suzaku could have pressed him against the counter indefinitely as each kiss turned deeper, slower… But, a cleared throat brought them both back to the real world where making out took a back seat to politics.

“Hey, pillow-biters!” Suzaku’s humor died as his head jerked around and he blushed red hot to be face to face with Cornelia Britannia. She was giving him the same look from when they’d first met, as if she didn’t know whether to smile or be ill in the roses.

“Yes, Sister?” Lelouch’s demeanor was pleasant, unassuming.“May I help you?”

“Sure.” Cornelia raised a finger in a crude salute. “Go fuck yourself and die, you little prick.”

“It’s lovely to see you too.” Lelouch’s smile had an edge. “I do so enjoy family members dropping by unannounced to harass me.”

“Oh, poor baby.” Cornelia pouted, putting her hands on her hips with a crooned, “Can I kiss it better?”

“Thanks but no thanks. I’ve used up my kissing allotment for the day.”

“Yes, I noticed.” Cornelia made the face again. “Watching you suck face is like eating shit, shitting it out, and eating it again. Baby shit, like with corn and fucking-”

Suzaku looked at Lelouch, already feeling woozy. “I’m leaving now.”

“-mucus-”

“Lucky you.” Lelouch sighed, his face white. “Go see what Kallen wants.”

Suzaku looked to the side to see Kallen staring, her eyes a little glassy and a smile playing on the edge of her lips. She snatched his arm as he strode out and between her and Cornelia he very nearly tripped over himself down the hall in the middle of Cornelia’s revolting monologue.

“Forget what that bitch said,” Kallen whispered. “You guys could make some serious bank if the Britannian thing doesn’t work out.”

“If the Britannian thing doesn’t work out I’ll probably be dead.”

Suzaku rolled his eyes before Kallen took up the comment with, “Well, some people are into that too. You’ll make a pretty corpse, Suzaku.”

“I can’t even make a pretty living person.” Suzaku pointed to the half of his face that was turning colors. “And there’s no way I’m going down without a fight.”

Kallen dragged him into a side bedroom, waving her hand in the air. “Let off, would you? I’m smothering from the testosterone.”

Gino was already there, standing in the middle of the room and staring at a sea of metal bars, bolts, and various fabrics with an expression of despair. His hands were up in the air, his eyes roaming as he seemed to try to decide where to start. Suzaku counted multiple mattresses, at least two dressers, and too many pillows to count, most of it in eye-blinding red. There were also lamps, vases, mirrors, carpet and a sundry of mysterious brown boxes. He barely knew how she had gotten it all in, let alone how she expected to set everything up.

“It looks like Pier One puked in here, Kallen.” Suzaku looked to see her smile turning into a manic gleam. “What the hell?”

“I don’t know about puke,” Gino gave him a look, “But Prince Lelouch went a little green when he got the bill.”

“Why are we still talking about disgusting bodily functions?” Kallen glared and attacked the nearest sealed box. “I just ate, goddamnit.”

Gino gave Suzaku a look, his blue eyes wide and mouthed ‘Still?’ and Suzaku could only shake his head, wincing when it pulled at his cheek. For a moment Suzaku peered at the man, feeling as if something was off. Generally when achieving the particular feeling in female company Suzaku checked hair color, length, jewelry, and breast size. Suzaku was staring at Gino’s chest before he realized the method didn’t apply. When he looked up Gino sighed and leaned over, patting his shoulder in a pleasant but condescending manner that made Suzaku feel about five.

“You know, it’s practically an honor to get smacked around by Schneizel.” Gino grinned. “He even insulted you. I don’t think that’s ever happened before. I feel like I should make you a badge or something.”

“Yes, I’ll wear a little medal over my heart,” Suzaku bit out, blushing. “Number one whipping boy, Britannian royalty tested and approved.”

Kallen snorted in the corner and Gino sighed. “I’m not wearing my uniform.”

“What?”

“You’re looking at me funny.” Gino slung an arm over his shoulder. “I’m in civvies.”

“Right.” Suzaku put a hand to his pounding head. Since when did Gino in normal clothes seem strange? “So, an honor, huh?”

“Yup.” They both watched Kallen disembowel what looked like bunk bed pieces and Gino murmured, “Is there anything I should know about?”

“Sch-“ Suzaku cut himself off when Gino’s grip tightened. “Prince Schneizel told me not to inform Prince Lelouch,” Suzaku scowled, “But yes, I think this may be something you need to know. If that’s allowed.”

“Anything you or I know can be relayed to the Emperor if requested.” Gino frowned, looking uneasy. “But if we’re in the middle of a feud… There really are no set rules. We are permitted to fight for a prince, but only when they’ve claimed terms. Neither of the princes has engaged in talks yet so-” He shrugged. “It’s up to you, but if it’s Schneizel I really wouldn’t fuck around.”

“Obviously,” Suzaku sighed, but Gino cut him off.

“Suzaku, listen to me.” The taller man looked Suzaku straight in the eye. “When I said it was an honor to get smacked around by Prince Schneizel… What I meant was that it’s an honor you were still around to tell about it later. He’s a predator; when he strikes he goes for the kill. He must think highly of you not to strangle you on site.”

The look in his eyes, that animal cold, turned in Suzaku’s mind again. The way he walked, the way his smile always reached his eyes, his voice, his body, but still never felt right… Gino was right. The man was in essence simple and easy to understand. It was the shell that confused and caught the eyes in an illusion of humanity. Suzaku realized that the hate he held in his heart for the man had turned reticent and strange with fear.

“Oh.” Suzaku stared at the window, distracted as the voices in the kitchen rose into a fevered pitch before slipping into silence again. Cornelia’s voice was all jagged edges, a fiery hiss, and Lelouch was simply loud, but pitched in such a way that said he was losing control, and quickly. He was almost glad he couldn’t make out the words as another thunderstorm of volleys started up again.

“Alright.” Suzaku gave up and shrugged out of Gino’s hold. “What can I do to help?”

“You can both stop whispering like enormous girls,” Kallen looked up at Gino, “And come help me make the ridiculously cushiony bed I bought with Lamperouge’s credit card. Apparently it’s made from NASA alien fat, but that’s bullshit. Everyone knows it’s the CIA with all the aliens.”

Gino looked down at her and Suzaku saw it for the first time: the way his eyes shaded with fondness, his slow smile as she cursed and attacked a metal tube with a metal handle.

“You know, most Rounds rooms are pretty simple,” Gino said, “Most times I just camp out on the sofa-”

“Shut the fuck up.” Kallen glared back with an angry pout, pushing hair out of her eyes. “This is a Prince’s house right? Lamperouge has a reputation to maintain. He’s not going to want any Numbered guests staying over and leaving immediately for the chiropractors, so shut up about it, Mr. Knight of Three.”

“Odysseus only has a pull-out bed,” Gino pointed out, scanning the room with a fond sigh. “But I suppose since it’s all bought-”

Kallen grinned and snatched a bag from behind an enormous looming box and made it do a dance in the air, long strips of lace and ribbon spilling out the top.

“Wanna see what else I boooought?” she teased, pretending to peer inside and then pantomimed a moue of surprise.

“Yes.”

Suzaku blushed, clearing his throat as Gino gave him a look.

“Force of habit.” Suzaku put his hands up and backed away. “Also, head wound.”

Gino just rolled his eyes and took up Suzaku’s cue.

“Yes, I would, lovely lady.”

Suzaku shut the door on his way out but not before he paused, grinning against the slick wood.

“Hey, don’t forget,” He laughed through the door crack, “No sex in the house.”

*

After skirting the disaster of a conversation the two siblings were intent on having in the entire neighborhood, and not just the kitchen, Suzaku made his way up to the second level of the house with Cornelia’s volley of “…And you’d be worse than dead, you ungrateful little-” still ringing in his head. The amazing thing about Lelouch’s room was that with the door shut the rest of the house faded into silence. All of the bedrooms had been soundproofed with Nunnally in mind. That Suzaku didn’t have to hear Cornelia Britannia defending her older brother was only a blissful coincidence. The downside was that Suzaku was left to his own thoughts. After long moments of replaying the morning encounter with the man, Suzaku couldn’t decide which was worse: hearing Schneizel be lauded and defended, or realizing over and over again in a helpless loop of disbelief what should have been obvious.

Just because Schneizel was on the tape didn’t mean that he had planted the evidence, but Lelouch had seemed so sure and Suzaku had been so devastated that he’d followed without question. He’d taken Lelouch’s lead and where had it gotten him?

Every bruise and cut seemed to sing out at all once as his body reminded him what his brain had been blocking out. Suzaku hurt, body and pride, and was left barely able to keep his head above water in a community where death was commonplace. In the FBI he would have had a dozen helping hands, but in Britannia…?

Gino was strange, like a boy who’d grown halfway and decided to stop there. He knew all the rules, he functioned as well as or better than any other adult, but he found the world simple. It was as if he was caught in a child’s cocoon where the world went all the right ways because they were the only ways he knew. Everyone else Suzaku had met seemed deliberately distant, watching the stranger from the corner of their eyes despite wanting to wield the power Suzaku represented.

Suzaku thought about these things. Then he thought of Schneizel. Then Suzaku fixated on the way Lelouch’s jaw had tensed when his brother had disregarded him as easy prey.

And then Suzaku thought of Lelouch’s eyes and how they looked at him: sometimes cold and calculating, furious and exasperated, challenging and pensive.

No one had ever looked at Suzaku like Lelouch did, with every emotion liquid and tangible, as if he could taste happiness like honey on his tongue and feel rage like hot sand against his skin. Not one person had ever looked at Suzaku and thought mine. Suzaku, sitting on the side of Lelouch’s bed, had to wonder if he would be cursed to tie himself, docilely, to anyone who had the most use for him. Suzaku touched the edges of Schneizel’s blow. It had hurt like hell, still did, but Suzaku had a feeling that if he’d liked Schneizel could have done far worse damage than a bruised cheek. He could have gone for his mouth, crushed his cheek against his teeth, or his eye and obscured his sight, and just from the one swing Suzaku knew that the man was capable of shattering bone.

There was something frightening about Schneizel so casually reining in that much strength and measuring it out in single doles. Perhaps that was what kept the Britannians bowing in terror, the fact that every bullet and every strike was meted out according to Schneizel’s focused will. There was no mercy without rage and there was no rage in that man. Despite what he said, Suzaku even doubted his ability to hate. Suzaku was forced to wonder if there could be happiness without anger, and he had to wonder why Schneizel even cared about or for Lelouch enough to take pictures from afar.

Suzaku wondered why Cornelia was downstairs defending her brother when it was clear that Schneizel would never offer up an impassioned plea for her.

Suzaku looked at himself, fingered his uniform with fingers encased in dark gloves, and wondered what he would do if Lelouch died and it was no one’s fault.

Suzaku collapsed backwards and stared at the ceiling.

Schneizel extending his gloved hand, one, two, three, was the last thing Suzaku saw before falling asleep. The rest was lost in dreams.

*

“I cannot believe you waited an entire day to tell me Todoh wanted to meet,” Suzaku hissed, the back of his neck burning from the stares. Kallen appeared oblivious and rolled her eyes with a sigh as she flashed her badge and presented her keys to the security guards. “I’m telling him it’s your fault.”

And it was her fault. It was Kallen’s fault that Suzaku had to go through the morning rush clothed in his knight’s garb, and that his hair still tousled from the ride over on Lancelot. It was her fault that every voice had hushed into unsettling whispers that slowly gathered into the sound of wind rushing through dead leaves. It was eerie and Suzaku hated it, but when asked, the agreement had been unanimous. He was only allowed back into the maw of their sudden-enemy in his whites, a gun close by his side.

Suzaku was at least grateful that he didn’t have to kill anyone to prove his loyalty but the spectacle was a bit much. A round of gasps spread through the line as he placed his weapon on the conveyer belt. It was shining and beautiful, a gem amidst plain government-issued glocks. If the uniform and humming motorcycle hadn’t proved his allegiance to Britannia the weapon did, and the guards manning their station stood straight when Suzaku looked them in the eyes, pointed a finger, and said, “Do not touch.”

In the silence Kallen snorted, but her rolled eyes and sigh didn’t relieve the tension as Suzaku carefully placed his weapon in the provided lockbox, staring hard as he took a slip in return. An agent was already standing by, looking at the case with a buzz of apprehension and Suzaku changed his mind. He snatched the case and gave the guards the key.

When they protested Suzaku glared, a fire of possessiveness welling suddenly and fiercely as he snapped, “Go ahead. Try it.”

Suzaku knew exactly how many ballistics tests could be performed in an afternoon and there was no way he was giving the FBI the fingerprint of his gun.

“Agent-”

“Sir.” Suzaku let the cold of command replace his rage, determined to make sure that after he left the building no one would think to call him ‘Special Agent’ again. “Or Lord, if you prefer.”

Suzaku had been startled when Gino informed him of his exact, formal title, but not unpleased. If he was going to put up with Britannian bullshit he’d do it with distinction. As he saw it, ‘Lord’ was no different than ‘Colonel’ and that was in essence what he had become.

“Jesus, Kururugi,” Kallen hissed under her breath, shifting and as nervous as Suzaku had ever seen. “Let up a little, would you?”

Suzaku didn’t answer and the man, equally uncomfortable, settled with, “You may take your case, but it must stay locked at all times.”

If Suzaku was truly a Britannian, he was going to act like one.

“I understand and will comply. Thank you very much.” Suzaku smiled politely, and graciously, vindictively added, “And have a nice day.”

Kallen started choking, a sure sign of laughter gone wrong. In the elevator she murmured, “You goddamned self-righteous fuck.”

Suzaku rolled his eyes. “Stick it up your ass.”

After a long, tense pause she added, “That was fucking brilliant.”

They grinned at each other in the mirrored walls and Suzaku added, “I know.”

She peered at him, raising an eyebrow, and Suzaku peered back, and when the elevator finally opened on their floor Suzaku was laughing so hard he could barely breathe as he and Kallen wrestled over the little black case. They only stopped when the closing doors were stopped by a foot. When Suzaku looked up, case clutched tightly to his chest, it was to see that Todoh was very much not amused.

It might have had something to do with the bright red panties stuffed down Suzaku’s shirt and the riding gloves stuck down hers.

They really had been the best partners ever.

*

“Lamp-” Todoh stopped, his eyes sliding to Suzaku, who nodded. “Lamperouge has asked for our assistance, but he hasn’t the right or reason to demand recompense.”

Todoh seemed to be addressing the entire room but the rest of the room was staring at Suzaku like they were wild animals and he was an exotic specialty bleeding profusely all over the conference table. Suzaku ignored them and watched Todoh intently and politely, his little black box firmly in reach. Todoh continued.

“We acted according to protocol and while the situation may have been mishandled, I believe we can come to the conclusion that both parties acted inappropriately.”

Suzaku had never once heard Todoh speak like so carefully and had to wonder if the man was reading from a script. He looked at the far wall to check, but there were no scrolling words there.

“I have been approved to offer a truce. Lamperouge gives up any revenge he may be contemplating and we’ll forget that a man was brutally murdered next to the water cooler.”

After a long silence Suzaku realized that they were waiting for him. He colored a little before taking his turn with a nod as Todoh sat down. He was realizing that he was on his first mission, representing Britannia and the emperor as a mediator to the only authority actually capable of going after them and doing damage. The task force wasn’t doing it very well, but they were close to making a solid foray into an attempt.

“Both men belonged to Britannia,” Suzaku started shakily, having to talk over an immediate interruption. He silently thanked Lelouch and Gino for the obsessive coaching. “We removed two moles from your organization and the general policy, even with you, is that we take care of our own. Bradley stepped out of line.”

Todoh, sharp-eyed, asked, “Stepped out of line for whom? The FBI or Britannia?”

“I’ve answered the question.” Suzaku’s anger flared. He wanted to take on the opposition, but he’d never been known for winning a war with words. They should have sent Gino if they wanted eloquence, but Todoh knew that and had requested Suzaku.

“Then I’ll ask another; Lelouch Lamperouge concealed his intimate connections to Britannia and we responded accordingly. What right does he have to demand our allegiance or threaten our agents?”

That was a good question, but a measure of Lelouch’s limited power in the upcoming feud was tied up in the FBI. Even Lelouch had begrudgingly agreed that he had lashed out instinctively. Even with that concession it was up to Suzaku to save the day on his own, he had said, and it was only the look in Lelouch’s eyes that told him there was actually a way. Suzaku was being tested on all fronts.

“Prince Lelouch sends his apologies for the incident and agrees that he acted without thinking. He asks for your pardon for the volatile events.”

Suzaku stared hard at Todoh but he couldn’t make the man speak. The tension in the room ratcheted almost unbearably as he finally clenched his jaw and said, “We accept the Doc - Prince’s apology and extend our own for the incident.”

“Wonderful.” Suzaku smiled and the air lightened until he added, “But you guys are still on the hook.”

It seemed to be fate that Todoh’s stumble in titles had sparked an epiphany in Suzaku’s mind. Lelouch had been a doctor at the FBI and he’d been very good, very prized, and always busy. For all the men and women who had walked through the office and into a jail cell Lelouch had given advice, testimony, and psych evaluations with pinpoint accuracy.

A general whispered uproar spread out from where Todoh sat, his hands clenched into fists. Suzaku looked at him and in that moment knew that he had also figured out, long before their meeting, that they were still tied to the prince.

“Doctor Lamperouge has given testimony and diagnoses for hundreds of cases.” Suzaku enjoyed that there was no surprise in Todoh’s eyes. He still respected the man despite everything. “The appeals alone would put the FBI back for years if anyone were to connect that he was also a prince and connected,” Suzaku gave Todoh a chastising glance, “intimately to Britannia.”

“That might happen anyway,” Todoh shot back immediately. “Someone is bound to put it together eventually now that Lamperouge has become high-profile.”

Suzaku actually felt a little sorry for him and sighed, propping his head up with a hand as he let formality slip away.

“He was a prince for years before he was your loyal employee.” Suzaku smiled wryly. “And no one forgets that face.”

Then while they mulled on the statement, some reddening and some growing pale, Suzaku added, “Do you have any idea how many men have gone off to jail knowing that secret? Some of them have multiple life sentences and you never even heard a whisper that he was a prince. It’s one thing to know; it’s another thing to be allowed to know. Britannians keep their mouth shut and they have enough heft to make sure everyone else does too.”

“Out of fear.” Todoh nodded. “But you, Suzaku, do know who it is that they fear?”

Suzaku stared into Todoh’s dark, dark eyes and said, “Get on with it then.”

Todoh took out a remote and said, “There’s a reason why we’ve been looking for the eleventh prince.”

*

A young man ran a hand through ashy blond hair. He was pale and tapping his fingers nervously against the table, and then blurted suddenly, “Yeah. I fucked up. I blew it. God damnit, I had no fucking idea-”

“Just tell us what happened,” a deep voice instructed bluntly. The man ran his hands through his hair again, trembling as he laughed weakly, astonished, disgusted, “I swear to god, I thought he was at the very least eighteen.”

The second voice instructed him to continue and Suzaku worked on keeping his face placid as his heart dropped into his stomach. The nagging sensation that had started with the tape turned into recognition. He could still see the picture in his mind of the man holding Lelouch close, entwined and exposing his badge like the idiot he appeared to be.

“I just… We were kissing, just kissing…and then fucking Schneizel was there taking a fucking picture.” The man shook his head, his eyes dimming. “Just standing there, that bastard.”

The man shook his head, holding it up with weary hands and for a moment Suzaku thought he was going to start crying. “And that kid, whoever the fuck he was, turned it all around. I don’t know what he did, but you should have seen the look on the bastard’s face.” The young agent looked up suddenly with a manic, vindictive grin. “Like someone’d gut-punched him with a steel bar. I’ll never forget as long as I live-”

“And then what?”

That manic grin softened suddenly and his laugh was soft. “That kid… ‘Princes shouldn’t play with hearts,’ was what he said, ‘And neither should the FBI. Tell your superiors it ends here’.”

“That’s all he said? That’s everything?”

The man stared at the camera for a long time, his smile turning back into the manic grin as he shook with laughter. Through the noise Suzaku heard, “‘That’s my first kiss. It was nice,’ is what he said.” The man’s laughter spiked in pitch. “That boy bested Schneizel… Fuckin’ first kiss-”

Todoh stopped the tape and lights turned back on. He slid a folder Suzaku’s way and Suzaku had an eerie flashback of doing the same thing in his own last interrogation, violet eyes staring back coolly.

“Thirteen years ago the FBI couldn’t identify the kid in question, but we dug it up after the incident. The picture came in anonymously just as we were bringing Schneizel in for questioning.” Todoh nodded and Suzaku opened the folder. A photo. He smiled, nearly laughed, and said, “You won’t believe it but someone gave this to me the other day. It’s definitely better with the story.”

Todoh ignored him.

“The investigators at the time kept getting reports of a young man fitting the description in the weeks before and after, at hospitals where everyone conveniently forgot his face and areas marked Britannian territory, specifically reserved for those higher up in the food chain. At one reported sighting location there were nearly two dozen dead of a rival gang. The local cops took blood samples from the scene and we dug them out. One matched Lamperouge.”

Todoh grabbed a tape recorder that was offered up and pushed play. There was the immediate sound of gunfire and something that could have been speech, screams and groans, until it focused on Cornelia’s voice, “How mad will Brother Dearest be when he finds out this was your doing?”

There was a low curse before a young, but familiar voice snapped back, “Tell him and I’ll fucking kill you.”

“You don’t think Schneizel would be proud?” Cornelia cooed after the sound of three loud gunshots. “His little protégé, the baby prince, all growed up and showing off his first massacre like some fucking macaroni necklace.” She pitched her voice lower. “Oh, yes, it’s very pretty. You’ve done very well…” Her voice raised in a laugh, “I can see it now. He’ll put the newspaper clipping on his fridge and everything.”

“And mess up his perfectly white-” The voice changed, sharp with a curse and more gunfire, “He’s hit.”

“Schneizel?!”

“No, shit, Six. Six is down. Just…” Suzaku could almost see Lelouch crouched, amping up his courage as he yelled out “Three! Cover me!” and darted out into the battle. Cornelia cursed vividly, a frightened tone giving it an edge as she yelled, “You little idiot! He’s got a knife!”

And in all the melee, cursing, and general turbulence another voice entered, deep and deadly calm and eerily matter-of-fact.

“If he dies,” Schneizel said, clear as a gunshot, “I will slaughter you and yours like pigs.”

There were a few more shots and then an enormous explosion that practically made the machine jump on the table and the line went dead.

“That’s when our agent in the Chinese Federation went down,” Todoh said, secreting it away. “Luckily his equipment was left whole.”

Suzaku stared at the recorder for a long moment before saying, “Alright. I admit I didn’t know that about Lelouch. Now what?”

“Lamperouge has been taking us all on a ride,” Todoh pointed out. “What makes you think you’re not part of his plan? You’re an excellent agent, Suzaku, with a spotless military record. What makes you think that acquiring you wasn’t his plan all along? He was bound to rejoin his family eventually. Why not take you and our secrets with him? Lamperouge is an excellent manipulator, certainly on par with Schneizel as his ‘protégé’ and you have to agree with the possibility that you’re being used.”

Suzaku sat back with a sigh, staring sightlessly at the far wall as he watched them watch him and dissected it all over again in his mind. There wasn’t a doubt that Lelouch hated his brother, and Schneizel , Cornelia, Gino and even Lloyd were being honest in who they were, Suzaku knew that much for sure. And Lelouch…Lelouch had kissed him once and blushed furiously afterwards, had followed Suzaku’s orders, albeit reluctantly, and Lelouch had said that night, surrounded by the stink of dead bodies, he’d said-

“There you are.” Suzaku sighed again, exhaustion beating down on his shoulders. “I’m always being used by someone, right? Why not Lelouch and the Britannians?”

“You’re not meant to be with those kinds of people, Suzaku, cold-blooded killers.” Todoh leaned forward, suddenly intent with a strange look in his eyes, a look much closer to pity than worry. “Work with us on this and afterwards you’ll be welcomed back with honors.”

“I killed my own father when I was eleven.” Suzaku smiled wanly and stood, taking a sick sort of pride in the sudden expressions of shock around the table. “I think these are exactly the people I should be with.”

Todoh stood quickly, leaning forward. “We’re not done. Hear me out, Suzaku.”

“We are done.” Suzaku grabbed his case and gave a small nod. “The next time I contact you, it will be at the Prince’s bequest.”

Turning, Suzaku felt as if he was finally cutting himself away for good. A closed door would feel more real than a signed resignation, but he paused for a moment before shutting that door, looking up at the assembled group and their varying expressions of disgust and horror.

“Don’t mess with Schneizel,” was all Suzaku said, warning them for his own conscience. “He’ll eat you alive.”

And Suzaku was thankful that from the look on their faces, they already knew that fact as truth.

Suzaku caught himself and paused, smiling wryly as he added, “And consider that Lelouch… Prince Lelouch is probably the only person to take Schneizel on and win before you make your decision whether to give backup or not.”

A deep silence followed Suzaku into the corridor and Suzaku was satisfied with a job well done. From the look on his face Todoh had finally realized that the enemy they knew couldn’t possibly be better than the one they didn’t. The FBI would give Lelouch assistance and it wouldn’t be because they were being blackmailed.

It wouldn’t be the first time the US Government facilitated a coup, and it definitely wouldn’t be the last.

*

Suzaku was concealing his weapon when he looked up, discretely told Kallen to leave, and thought ‘speak of the devil’. On the far wall near the doorway, a tall blonde man in a white knee-length coat was leaning up against the wall, peering down at a book in his hand. He could have been inconspicuous if not for the three agents standing around him in a circle, staring with their hands close to their hips. Suzaku knew the men and pushed through the group, his heart pounding and his jaw clenched. He stood in front of Schneizel.

The three of them knew enough not to make a scene. A majority of the room hadn’t even noticed Schneizel and everyone knew things would work out better without a mass panic. The agents walked away towards the security lines with scowls and Suzaku turned, irritated and exasperated, to Schneizel flipping a page, muttering, “My hero. Those great big government lackeys were terribly frightening.”

“Is there anything I can assist you with, Prince Schneizel?”

Schneizel’s blue eyes darted above his paperback for a moment and Suzaku had to wonder what Security was seeing as they stared at each other silently.

“Anything at all?” Suzaku sighed when the man continued to say nothing and began to slip his riding gloves back on, stretching his fingers in the cold leather. They weren’t worn in properly and were just a little too snug until warmed up. Yet another unpleasant reminder of his current status in life.

Concentrating on the constriction of his gloves distracted Suzaku from the feeling that he was being sized up for the kill. He’d managed to keep the words tucked away as he made to leave the building, but being stuck in between Schneizel and the FBI… Suzaku lost his grip and kept hearing ‘protégé’ in Cornelia’s smooth voice over and over again in a maddening loop.

“May I ask you something, Your Highness?” Suzaku looked up and Schneizel closed the book one-handed, dropping it in a nearby planter before nodding silently. Suzaku looked down, saw that it was some sort of torrid romance novel with two half-naked people attractively mauling each other on the cover and asked, “Are you really left-handed?”

Schneizel stared at him with a placid, genial mask and then gestured Suzaku to follow with a small, chastising look before sweeping out of the automatic doors.

Yeah, Suzaku rubbed the bridge of his nose, stupid question.

Left or right, either way standing in Lelouch’s foyer, his hand extended in greeting, Schneizel had been fucking with him. It really didn’t matter how. Just like how it didn’t matter as Suzaku followed the prince out into the sunshine that he was very likely walking into some sort of trap.

Suzaku snatched up the book on his way out. If he was going out it was going to be with a good laugh.

*


Somehow - and Suzaku was both impressed and appalled by this - the authoress of Schneizel’s book managed to use the word ‘member’ fifteen times on the same page, ‘organ’ twice, and ‘manhood’ no less that thirty-two times in the first chapter. Suzaku got done counting, a little flushed from how ridiculously pornographic it managed to be, and looked up to see Schneizel staring at him again in a manner that continued to be disturbing but was gradually taking on many deeper separate levels of unsettling in Suzaku’s mind.

Suzaku wanted to say, ‘What the hell?’ or ‘Is this really yours?’ or maybe even ‘My god, how can you read this and still look like you’re made of ice?’. If Schneizel’s bizarre personality hadn’t been fully established before, it was in perfect order as Suzaku stared out of the limo window uncomfortably, not entirely sure whether to chuck the stupid book or keep reading.

Suzaku thought about these things because otherwise he kept hearing the tapes: protégé, protégé…nearly two dozen…if he’s dead I’ll…at least eighteen…he said-

“That picture you showed me. The one with the FBI agent…” Suzaku glanced over into Schneizel’s stare, straight into the sun it seemed, making him blind. The words from the tape seemed eerily probable as Schneizel continued to regard him without expression. Cornelia was his sister, and loved him, but Schneizel still would have killed her. The worst part seemed to be that Cornelia loved him still despite all of that.

Schneizel seemed to expect something more from the conversational cue, but waited an uncomfortably long amount of time before saying, “Feel free to complete your thought. I can wait indefinitely.”

Clenching his teeth tightly, Suzaku ground out, “Would you like to know what the prince said to the FBI agent in the photo you gave me, Your Highness?”

Schneizel’s stare faltered for a moment and Suzaku saw the jump in Schneizel’s mind from ‘here we are’ to ‘back then’. There was an eagerness in Schneizel’s eyes, a hunger in his lifted chin and tensed shoulders. Suzaku felt the limited space between them turn into an interrogation room and wondered what would happen if he drew out the question and made Schneizel follow him into a conversation of Suzaku’s own making, outside of Schneizel’s cool bubble of superiority. How far would Schneizel play along to feed his need for information? Not all people had a breaking point, but Schneizel’s was there, if only for a moment, in his suddenly searing eyes.

Lelouch was the key. Lelouch was always the key, and he was the only button on Schneizel that Suzaku could push. He was the only way to slip into Schneizel’s armor and Suzaku felt at that moment if he were to dangle his piece of information long enough Schneizel might just sit down and beg.

A sort of wildness entered into Schneizel’s expression. Everything went tight in him as he realized the same thing perhaps, or just that Suzaku had glimpsed his weakness.

Suzaku remembered the young ash-blonde man from the tape, laughing wildly as he described the look on Schneizel’s face. But Suzaku seriously doubted that the man would do more than grimace if he’d been shot, since Suzaku had to read his emotions in the barest of twitches. It didn’t make any sense that Schneizel would seem so obviously affected just by the sight of his brother kissing another man. Jealousy would have manifested in anger, but what the agent had described would have sprung from another emotion and despite his brain thinking it was impossible, Suzaku’s instincts slid all the parts together into a conclusion.

Suzaku remembered ‘that was my first kiss…it was nice’ and said, “Oh my god, it’s Lelouch. You’re in lo-”

Schneizel’s eyes snapped up and Suzaku stared, his heart pounding hard in his chest as he finally realized how much danger he was in, cornered in a limo, and at arm’s reach of a cold-blooded killer. His hand moved towards his gun but Schneizel was already gripping his own. In a matter of seconds Suzaku was shoved hard against the back of the door, his mouth snapped shut and the whole length of his throat exposed as Schneizel bruised the flesh under his jaw with the muzzle of a gun. Suzaku felt Schneizel’s hand as it slipped into his jacket and pulled out Suzaku’s own weapon and patted Suzaku down, and could do absolutely nothing about it. One jostle could mean the difference between a lot of pain and no pain at all when Suzaku’s skull splattered over the limo’s ceiling.

Suzaku’s cell phone joined the gun at Schneizel’s side, along with his wallet and keys as Schneizel searched him from hair to boot sole for any extra weapon. The searching, invasive touches contested to why he had survived whole and healthy in a community of criminals. It also explained why no one had ever managed to wear a wire in his presence and get away with not being returned to the FBI in a body bag.

Then, when Suzaku’s backup weapons had all been found and discarded, they sat. Schneizel wasn’t breathing hard but Suzaku caught a few sharp exhales, hot and humid up against the skin of his neck. He shivered and Schneizel laughed, really laughed, in honest amusement that made Suzaku wonder how long he had left to live.

Suzaku’s life did not flash before his eyes. In its place was his father’s hard, disgusted stare, condemning and, for the first time, smug. It was then that Suzaku decided he had to live. He’d rather cling to existence than risk facing that man in the afterlife. It was one thing to throw himself into the fray, confident in his own skills, but another thing entirely to sit and wait like some sort of cornered prey. Suzaku had stopped being prey the night he picked up that butcher’s knife and not even Schneizel’s predatory dominance was going to change that.

After a few minutes with the feel of Schneizel’s soft hair against his cheek, Suzaku managed to overcome his instincts and bring his trembling hand up to Schneizel’s wrist. If he hadn’t known better Suzaku would have thought that Schneizel had fallen asleep, but the pressure on Suzaku’s jaw was constant and excruciating. Schneizel didn’t shake him off but he didn’t relent his hold either and Suzaku wished he could see the man’s face, wished he could know for sure when he was going to pull the trigger.

Suddenly, terrifyingly, Schneizel let the tension drift away in degrees until Suzaku was no longer taut from trying to keep above the muzzle of his gun. They ended up still slumped against each other, Suzaku sitting with Schneizel’s wrist in one hand and his other hand on Schneizel’s chest, feeling the erratic beat of his heart as Suzaku pushed him away millimeter by agonizing millimeter until they were both separated on opposite seats. Once Suzaku had separated his gun from him finger by finger and carefully placed Schneizel’s hand in his lap Schneizel relaxed and looked out the window as if the lunge had never happened, and as if Suzaku’s things weren’t in a pile on the floor, the first preparation for a body-dump.

It was then that Suzaku remembered, adrenalin making his entire body tremble noticeably, that you could never predict a man in love. Because that’s what Schneizel was: He was in love with Lelouch. Trying to predict what Schneizel would do in such a state would surely lead Suzaku into insanity. He understood then why Schneizel had said ‘I hate you more’ that day, surrounded by death and stone angels.

Closing his eyes, Suzaku realized that Lelouch had absolutely no idea, none at all, if he could automatically assume that Schneizel had the ability to rip him violently from his place of peace, exposing himself and Lelouch for everyone to see. Schneizel would never allow anyone, let alone Lelouch’s colleagues, to see even a moment of that weakness in him. Schneizel hadn’t even let Lelouch see and Suzaku was wracked trying to decide if Schneizel’s reason was pride, caution, or this softer thing that Suzaku didn’t even want to contemplate.

“I won’t tell him,” Suzaku whispered, still trembling helplessly, but from more than adrenalin. He finally opened his eyes, and Schneizel looked back with a single raised eyebrow with his hand still slack on his lap as if he had put it there himself, as if Suzaku hadn’t had to put him together again. As if Schneizel hadn’t let Suzaku, Lelouch’s assumed lover, live despite everything. Schneizel gazed back out the window as if he hadn’t fallen apart, entirely, wholly, if only for one devastating moment.

“Right.” Suzaku was terrified that he had fallen so deeply into the man’s mind. “You know that already, don’t you?”

The recent, brief glimpses into the past flew through Suzaku’s mind for the rest of the ride, drifting behind his closed eyes, threatening a torrential overload if he opened them again.

“Do you want to know what he said?” Suzaku asked, weary, hoarse, and hoping he’d at least managed to re-spark Schneizel’s general mask of normality.

“Tell me.” Schneizel’s voice was deep, nearly uninterested and Suzaku almost started laughing at the sound of a turning page.

So Suzaku did tell him and later, after a sea’s-worth of rushing paper shifts, Schneizel replied, “Do you want to know who planted the disk?”

Suzaku nodded, desperate to know what intrigue had pulled them all together with such force.

It was worse, worse than he could have ever imagined and Suzaku nearly cried then, even in front of Schneizel’s assessing stare, because Lelouch couldn’t ever, ever know how they had all been pulled together but Suzaku would have to see him every day, touch him, hold him, and know the truth.

For a moment Suzaku went back in time to the boy he used to be; the one who had reached for a knife instead of a telephone and achieved a lowness in his soul that he hadn’t thought possible. Suzaku reached again, and the words in his mouth had the tang of blood and blades. It was the hardest thing Suzaku had ever done to swallow his pride, fear, and absolute disgust, but he finally managed to give voice to what had become the inevitable in only a few moment’s time if he was to keep Lelouch safe and ignorant of the truth that would surely break him.

“I will follow your every order, Prince Schneizel, and yours alone. I vow it on Lelouch’s life.”

Suzaku flinched at the first touch of the heavy muzzle on one shoulder, and then on the other. At the final caress he understood what was happening.

“I Knight you, former Knight of Seven, as the only Knight of the Round belonging to the new reign,” Schneizel said, and though it wasn’t a solemn sound there was no mockery or disdain in his tone, and it wasn’t in his usual placid voice, his mask. The words sounded just like the ones from the cemetery, final and sure. “A better breed than any of the Numbered Knights before you.”

Suzaku opened his eyes to see that the butt of his own gun was being handed back to him.

“I knight you, Suzaku Kururugi, as my Knight of the Round, Knight Zero.”

The gun, loved, was suddenly foreign in Suzaku’s hand and almost too heavy to bear after Schneizel’s words, but he took it with resolution and a deep degree of gratefulness that he was able to take it at all.

There wasn’t much room between them in the limo but Suzaku knelt down anyways, bowing deeply before sitting back and putting his weapon away.

“Knight of Zero…” Suzaku sighed after a moment’s contemplation and then met Schneizel’s eyes, smiling ruefully. “That’s about the chance I have of living through this, right?”

And when Schneizel laughed, a dark smile of agreement on his face, Suzaku could see the discord between the man who looked at his brother with hurt bare in his eyes and the man who, by all rights, should have just pulled the trigger.

Suzaku could also see that his eyes were just like Lelouch’s only lighter, a pale violet, because it was the first time Suzaku managed to look into Schneizel’s eyes without an urgent fear running up his spine.

That color… They really were brothers. But, Suzaku was quickly learning that family meant very little to the rightful heirs of Britannia.


*

The little house was startlingly picturesque when Suzaku stepped out of the limousine. Suzaku had expected the world to change as he had changed, but everything was still bright and blooming. The walkway was made of flat stones, the grass was green, and the single rogue dandelion was blooming brightly at the base of the single rose bush. The roses were still buttery yellow with edges darkening into a deep red. Suzaku didn’t stop to smell them as he walked up the porch. The thought was almost obscene.

Lelouch’s pale face flashed once through the glass and when Suzaku reached for the door handle the door opened on its own. The house still smelled the same, familiar voices were drifting through the rooms, and Lelouch was the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on. Fondness, wonder, and desire called for Suzaku to reach out and cling to him, but that thought was obscene as well.

Suzaku’s skin was slick and putrid with lies.

“I expected you hours ago,” Lelouch hissed, peeking out the door before pulling him in by the lapels. “What the hell are you doing with Schneizel again? Did he abduct you?”

Suzaku looked back to see Schneizel smiling, a white flash before he slipped on a pair of black sunglasses, looking ridiculous and suave. Suzaku really just wanted to break his legs, vow or no vow, because while Lelouch scowled fiercely his eyes were riveted to Schneizel’s retreating form.

“I’m supposed to remind you that a blood feud actually requires feuding.” Suzaku scowled, reciting the memorized lines. “And feuding requires terms and terms require an actual meeting between adults and not psychic waves of killing intent from the closet in your bedroom as you cry on your flower-scented diary.”

“That…fucking-” Lelouch was white and suddenly frothing. Suzaku had thought himself prepared for the onslaught, but he was nearly bowled over as Lelouch tried to surge through the doorway, probably hoping to end the blood feud right there on his lawn. Suzaku was willing to handle that, forgive and forget for the sole reason that Lelouch was still in the dark, unaware of the terrible secret looming over him, but then Lelouch grabbed Suzaku’s gun. He’d had it taken from him twice already and a third time was not going to happen while he still had all of his limbs.

Suzaku grabbed Lelouch by the wrist and twisted his arm back in a textbook move that had the man quietly cursing in pain. He’d used the move on massive thugs and on Lelouch it was almost ridiculously easy to bring the beginnings of an actual fight to a standstill. Suzaku couldn’t let Lelouch shoot at Schneizel now that he knew the truth, now that he understood that from any other man it would mean nothing, but if it was from Lelouch a bullet would truly kill the prince… And Suzaku was a new knight now, Zero, and he had been ordered to protect Lelouch in every way and punish by his own discretion.

Lelouch grunted as Suzaku slammed him up against the door, the breath rushing out of his lungs, cutting off every curse as Suzaku took back his weapon.

“Do. Not. Ever. Touch my gun without permission.” Suzaku kept his attention on Lelouch even though he knew they were visible from the street. Twisting around had slammed the door into the wall and the noise had surely caught Schneizel’s attention. “I don’t like this Lelouch, I don’t.” Suzaku heard himself, the stress and desperation of the last few hours making him shake, making his voice choke. “Don’t put me in this place.”

They stood in silence longer than a moment, longer than Suzaku liked because his blood ratcheted with anger and frustration every second, only to collapse when Lelouch had finally gone still, not limp, and murmured, “Alright, Suzaku. Okay.”

“Okay?” Suzaku heard his own disbelief and accepted that maybe he had been given something he didn’t need, didn’t like, didn’t want, but would take anyways because he loved that Lelouch was still capable of that steady, caring sound in his voice. Suzaku let him free from the punitive hold.

“Okay,” Lelouch whispered, and when he moved closer Suzaku felt himself falling forward, all of the courage fleeing him as he was caught between Lelouch’s reality and Schneizel’s. It was like he was in some sort of purgatory where it didn’t feel safe to know either of them until Lelouch clasped him close.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Lelouch whispered into his ear, “I know you don’t.”

Suzaku thought of Lelouch furious, raging, out of control, and how he knew this scenario would play over and over again as Suzaku was forced to save the man from the prince every day for the rest of their lives.

Suzaku thought about how much he had given up in the last week and wondered if he would have been able to do it again when knowing as he did, what Lelouch really was behind those smiles; a kindness and gentleness that seemed to last through everything and the rage, vicious cunning and darkness that ran just as deep.

“I love you,” Suzaku finally whispered, long overdue. “I really do.”

And for the first time, when Lelouch returned the sentiment Suzaku believed that it could be true.

Then he heard the car door slam shut and Suzaku wondered how much Lelouch’s love was going to cost him, cost them all. Lelouch backed them out of view and kissed Suzaku breathless with adoringly light, caressing touches, gentle in his passion instead of kissing like they were in battle, kissing like he kissed Schneizel. Lelouch’s mouth belonged to Suzaku, his warmth, and the small sounds that made Suzaku forget that he had secrets that would eventually shred every precious moment when Lelouch realized how deeply he had been betrayed.

When that happened, Suzaku knew, all Lelouch would have room for was rage.

And rightly so.