This is the life

When Mello came home, it was quiet. Quietly he put down the bag with the promised clothes for Matt and took a look into the bedroom. He had to smile when he saw Matt sleeping. Slowly, he pulled off his shoes and sat down beneath his boyfriend.
“I’m sorry I didn’t helped you earlier.”, he thought.
Not until now he realized how emaciated Matt was. Oh Matty, what have you done?
At least his boyfriend seemed to be able to sleep.
Sometime Mello’s eylids became heavy and he had to yawn. The clock showed quarter past one, and after all he’d been up at 7, not as usual around 12.
Finally he decided it as time to lay down himself. Slowly he stood up without waking the other one and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

When he put on the light he screamed: “What the… Oh Fuck!” Beside the tub still layed Matt’s injecting equipment and the small spoon he had cooked on his drug at.

Matt woke up when Mello yelled at him and shook him: “Damn shit, Matt, what were you thinking? Do you want to kill yourself?”
Mello, beside him, was absolutely in rage and despair and to a large part, in fear. He had seen it way too often, the painful way of drug- addicts in the mafia, and now his only friend, his only love, took drugs himself.
Matt gulped when he realized what Mello spoke about.
“I… I thought… I thought it may help against the pain and once isn’t that bad and…”
His excuses were put down by the loud smack Mello’s hand made on his cheek.
“How stupid do you think I am? No one carries a syringe and the other shit with him just in case! Fuck, Matt!”
Matt held his cheek. It didn’t hurt as much as the realization Mello now knew about what filthy dirt Matt was now. Yet something in him felt like defense.
“It’s not your fuckin’ business! You have chosen to leave me, you did not have any interest in me anymore, now why should I worry about what your opinion on it is?”
Mello gulped. “You’ve been addicted for a while, haven’t you?”
Matt pushed him away. “I’ve already told you I owe you nothing!”
Mello put a hand on his shoulder. “I can help you, Matty… Please, let me help you, we…”, he started quietly but Matt shoved him away, to ground and against the wall.
“Mello!”, even Matt was alarmed by what he had just done but the blonde just rubbed his head an sparkled at him. “You’ve got the right to be angry with me Matt, if anyone has it, it is you, but please… Please do let me help you. It’ll break you, Matty, the stuff will kill you!”
“I… Mello I wanted you to find me. I’ve been looking for you for allmost 2 years, but… But it’s too late! Can’t you see? It’s too late Mello. Too late.”
Now, mello was angry again and he jumped back to his feet.
“And why were you looking for me? In order to show me how well you did yourself in bringing you to danger without me? Well done, Matt.”
Something broke in Matt when he heard how hurt Mello’s voice sounded.
“Wha… Why don’t you just let me? Why can’t you just let me die, you thought a crap about me and…”
Mello let his eyes circle.
“I love you, Matty, I love you over all and I never wanted you to go through this shit. I didn’t want to endanger you, that’s why I left you. Matt, please… You are the most important to me, I don’t want to let you kill yourself…”
Now Matt’s resistance broke down completely. He covered his eyes with his hands because he was ashamed to cry again.
“lease help me, Mello… Please, I… I cannot… I…”
Mello gulped down his anger and hugged the redhead. “I know, Matty…”, he whispered, “We can do it together, okay?”
“But… I don’t know how, I… I need the stuff, I really…”
Mello shook his head. “It won’t be easy I know that. But together, we’ll make it through, alright? Now we’ll throw the rest of it away and you eat something. You’re hardly here, anymore, you know?”
Matt nodded.
The blonde tried to smile and took Matt hand, sqeezed it and kissed him on the forehead. “I missed you so much, Matty… We will make it. We’ll make it cause I’m here now, ok? You’re not alone, we…”
“Why? Why do you do that for me? I… I mean, look at you! You could have…. You are… And I… I’m the last piece of shit…”
“Schsch… I love you, Matt… No matter what happens, ok? I do love you-“
“I’m not good enough for you, I never have been and now…”
“No, you aren’t. You’re the best ever happened to me. You’re just sick, ok? And I will help you to beome healthy again.”
Matt leaned against the blonde. “I… Thank you… Thank you, That you’re not…”
Mello shook his head. “We’ll make it.”, he said softly again.