Past in Present

The world was blood and bodies.



Light had toured war-torn countries, had seen cities that had been battlefields before, but there was something far more chilling about this massacre. Blood and mud and rainwater streaked the streets, and as darkness fell it was impossible to tell the difference. The very silence of the town was sinister, though it should have been reassuring – the town had been secured. Still, it would be so easy for someone to have hidden, with a gun. The dozen guards they had were small comfort.



L looked disturbed, next to him. Even in his rage at the detective he could see that. L’s shoulders were hunched more than usual, his hands fisted and shoved deeply into his pockets.



“The perfect suicide.” L murmured next to him, shaking his head.



Light hissed under his breath. “Call it what it is. A bloody massacre.”



L nodded, turning the corner with Light. “There they are.”



Several police cars lined the street, lights flashing. Medical helicopters waited in the fields. So many people to help – but it was far too little, far too late. The police were rushing around everywhere, corralling survivors, wrapping blankets around them in the rain. Light ran his eyes over them, looking for Tenma.



The fool. The utter fool.



“Shit.” L’s curse dragged Light’s attention back over to him, noting how the detective had straightened a little, staring at a gurney being pushed by a paramedic. The patient had blonde hair that shimmered in the streetlights.



“That’s him.” L’s voice was faint. “Johan.”



Light narrowed his eyes, watching him. He looked almost like a doll… porcelain pale skin, faintly pink lips, pale blonde hair. But his face was streaked with blood, a bandage wrapped around his head.



The loaded him into the helicopter, immediately working to keep his heart beating, his lungs moving. Light growled under his breath, taking a step to stop them.



“He’s been shot, Light.” L’s voice was quiet. “You want to find Dr. Tenma, right?”



Light snarled, turning on him. “You want me to spare him?”



“No.” L met his gaze directly. “He is dying. That was a bullet wound. Go find the Doctor, before they arrest him.”



“And what makes you think I don’t want him arrested?”



L frowned deeply. “What happened, when you saw him?”



Kira gestured around. “He refused my help. This is his fault!”



L shook his head slowly. “You know that isn’t true. You also shouldn’t feel guilty.”



“I don’t.” Light grit out, completely focused on L. “Don’t presume to know me.”



L shook his head. “I would. I do.” He turned his eyes back to the scene before them. “But does that matter now?”



“You just want your lover back, don’t you?” He knew his voice was dipping into dangerous smoothness. Was L truly this shallow? Or had he simply lost sight of right and wrong. Whatever his disagreements with Kira’s vision, Johan was a murderer. He deserved to die.



“There’s more than fucking in this world.” L rounded on him, rage leaking out through the cracks in his usually perfect mask. “You believe I’m thinking about sex right now?”



Light snorted but his answer was lost in the commotion that erupted near them. Medics running, and they could hear them calling for Doctor Tenma.



“He’ll save him.” L said quietly. “And I don’t want to simply stand here uselessly.” He spun on his heel, stalking off. Light watched him angrily, but didn’t stop him.



----



Hours later – so many hours that it might have been days or he might have just pushed himself past the point where he had any concept of time, L found himself once again with Light, in the observation room adjacent to surgery.



Tenma was there, suited up, gloved hands covered in Johan’s blood. Struggling to save his life. It was a marvel to watch the doctor work – he had read all the reports of course, the word genius applied so liberally to Tenma that he seemed the very definition of it. Hyperbole, L had always figured.



Except it wasn’t. He moved with precision, certainty. An economy of motion that was the very definition of graceful. L was no brain surgeon himself, but he could see the beauty in the surgery, even amidst the gore.



And he did it for hours, a feat that would have been impressive even without the horror that had been the day. He worked with a single-minded determination that left L breathless, wondering, and wanting something else with a sudden, keen-edged need.



Kira stood on the other side of the room, arms folded, jaw clenched tightly, angrily.



Watching him, L finally decided to break the silence. Needed to, or in that too-silent room, he felt like he would go crazy. “Look at him. Does the world need us?” His voice was quiet and grave and small, even to himself. It was a wonder Kira heard him, turning to look at him with molten honey intensity. “Does it really need us… or does it need more of him?”



He broke his eyes from Kira’s, instead watching Dr. Tenma as he worked, hands stained with blood in a way that his would never be, in a way Light’s would never be. Saving lives, healing without judging.



Kira didn’t say anything, and L was glad of it. He was too tired for this, for any of it. He leaned forward, pulling his hands to his chest, hunching his shoulders around himself and rested his forehead against the cool glass.



“Kira destroys the capacity of us to forgive, to move on.” The words came out as a murmur, he barely realized he was saying them. “I want…”



“What. To forgive? Or forgiveness?” The other’s voice was cold and sharp and L sighed deeply, opening his eyes once again to watch the doctor work, sure about every movement. He missed feeling that sureness with a dull ache. The only thing he was sure about anymore was his exhaustion, the weight of everything he’d done and been and become pressing down into him so that he could barely breathe.



“I don’t know.” He took a breath and pressed himself back to his normal slouchiness, turning back to Kira. “Are you going to execute him?”



“Wouldn’t you?”



L remained silent. He would have, without hesitation. There was no question that it was the right thing to do, but… he glanced over his shoulder again, looking at the sliver of pale face that was visible. Shrugging finally.



“It’s not my world anymore, Kira. What I would do is now irrelevant. But I wonder… why have you not, yet?”



He didn’t look back at Kira, who let out a soft, frustrated breath. Silence fell in the room until the door closed and L was alone.



Alone. He watched Tenma working for several more minutes before taking the chance.



----



He paced down the hallway, furious but also… twisted inside, somehow. Somehow L’s words had touched a place in him he didn’t think that he had.



L was right, of course, though he would never admit it to the smug bastard.



Johan. Vivid blue eyes and blonde hair looked up at him, tiredly. He stopped in his tracks, for a moment seeing the bastard before realizing it wasn’t him. It was the sister, sitting in one of the banks of chairs near the operation room.



“Ms. Fortner.” He practically stumbled over the words.



“Kira.” Her voice was cool, tired. Wary in the way Tenma-sensei’s voice so often had been. It spurred him to go take a seat next to her, out of some sort of obstinacy that he didn’t want to look at too closely. He also did not want to



“Are you all right?”



Her lips quirked a little, thinly. It wasn’t really a smile, but there was grim amusement in it. “As well as can be expected.”



“You’re waiting for Tenma-sensei?” It was the reasonable assumption. One would have to be blind to miss how she leaned on him, how she wanted him. Light was far from blind, and he had to keep tight reign on his jealousy.



“I’m waiting to see if my brother lives.”



Light felt his eyebrows draw together in bemusement. Nina, of everyone, he had expected to want justice for her brother.



“You.. want him to live?” He couldn’t be sure that was what she meant of course, but somehow, he felt it.



She regarded him for such a long time that he wasn’t sure she would speak again. “I was a law major, in Heidelberg, before all of this. I studied Kira’s philosophies in depth.”



“And?” He frowned deeply, disliking the way the conversation turned, already.



“And although, perhaps, I would have agreed as a student, removed from the situation.… now I cannot.”



“Why is that?”



“Because killing Johan would not be justice.” She pushed herself up, standing, looking down at him.



He couldn’t keep the incredulous scoff out of his voice, and her eyes narrowed, again sharpening to the focus he imagined would have been present in Johan’s.



“Do not presume to sit in judgment, Kira. They may believe you are a god. You may even yourself. But you are not, and pretending so is…” She broke off, frustrated and coldly angry, shrugging sharply. “I’ve seen the damage playing God can do.”



He was caught, unsure what to say, looking into her eyes, fierce and bright.



“I have no say in your influence. But if you ask my opinion, I will give it to you. Kira is unnatural in this world, and will harm it more than can be imagined.”



A door opened behind her, Nina’s eyes jerking away from his to stare as the light for the operation room turning off. Nurses filed out, grey-faced and exhausted. Other doctors. None of them made eye contact with either of them.



Tenma stepped out after what seemed to be a strangely long moment, his eyes immediately finding Nina, nodding to her gravely.



The girl let out a deep, shaky breath and immediately went to throw her arms around the doctor. He held her tightly and Light, with his heart dry in his mouth, found he couldn’t do anything but slip away, allowing them their moment.



Perhaps he needed one himself.