A Visitor

Gojyo glanced up as Max and Sanzo came down to breakfast. Max looked exactly the same as she had the day before: her short brown hair was disheveled, she wore no makeup on her roundish face and her maroon shirt and black slacks were rumpled as if she had slept in them. She seemed to be quite… chipper, though. It was almost as if the previous day had never happened to her.

Sanzo, on the other hand, looked grouchy as hell. He tried to push past Max and sit down before her, but as he passed her she reached out and poked his side. The most esteemed monk jumped about two feet in the air and a high-pitched grunt escaped his lips. Max smiled and positively nose-dived into the seat next to Gojyo. Sanzo glared at her before taking the seat between her and Hakkai.

“I see that you two had a good night,” Hakkai said sarcastically with a smile. Goku had passed out the minute his head hit the pillow, but Hakkai and Gojyo had sat up talking for a long time. Gojyo had been sitting by the wall that his room had shared with theirs, listening for any noises that would prove that the monk knew how to have fun and instead heard things like, “Don’t you fucking dare!” and “Will you shut up?” He and Hakkai had debated going over there and banging on the door, shouting for them to shut up while having sex, but he had the feeling that he’d end up eating lead.

Sanzo shot Hakkai a glare, but Max smiled a beautiful smile that lit her whole face. She said, “Well, Sanzo tossed and turned for hours until I started singing lullabies one after another. Eventually he managed to pass out from exhaustion. I always sleep like the dead.”

Gojyo draped his arm around the back of Max’s chair and leaned in close. “Well, that doesn’t explain the very interesting noises that we could hear through the wall,” he breathed in her ear.

Clearly Max knew how to deal with men who forced their way into her personal space. Her left hand patted Gojyo’s inner thigh before grabbing a small hunk of flesh beneath the pant leg and pinched. Gojyo jumped and scooted his chair back. Max removed her hand from his crotch and pulled back as she said, “I was scaring the shit out of the poor guy. He converts his fear into anger and either shouts, hits, or shoots. His gun was too far away and I was out of reach, so all he could do was yell at me. Unfortunately for him, I can yell louder.” She grinned over at Sanzo and batted her eyelashes at him. Sanzo pointedly ignored her by burying his nose in his newspaper.

Gojyo smirked at the monk even though the other man wasn’t looking at him. He was thoroughly impressed that this little lady was able to scare the normally stick-up-the-ass stiff monk. The previous day she had been able to intimidate their little fighting force, picking up Sanzo and dragging Hakkai along. She had been able to get her way quickly and effectively with a wit and an amazingly strong sense of self that Gojyo envied.

Max loaded up her plate nearly as high as Goku’s and started to chow down. That was another interesting thing about her that he noticed the previous day: she ate a ton of food. She had loaded up their plates as if she was feeding them two meals, and she had cleaned her plate. Considering all of the acrobatics that she’d been able to do so effortlessly, plus that beautiful chi spell that Hakkai had envied, it wasn’t too surprising that she was just as big a pig a Goku. At least Max had better manners.

“So, Gojyo, how did you sleep?” Max asked after swallowing a bite of food. Gojyo snagged a bite off of Goku’s plate while the monkey wasn’t looking before he answered.

“I slept pretty good,” he said.

“So why were you having so many problems?” Max asked as if she hadn’t heard his answer. “How late did you stay up?”

“I said I slept pretty good!” Gojyo said. “Why do you think that I had problems sleeping?”

“Because you lied,” Max said simply. “Some lies I allow, but lies like this are pointless. Why did you have trouble sleeping? Was your bed uncomfortable?”

“I slept on the floor,” Gojyo said.

Max leaned her head to the side and pinched the bridge of her nose the same way that she had the day before. “That isn’t quite true. So…” she looked at him with a piercing gaze that was a little bit unnerving coming from such dark brown eyes. “…you can’t levitate when you sleep. Did you sit on the floor and lean on the bed to sleep? That’s pretty uncomfortable.”

“How did you…?” Gojyo asked. Sanzo interrupted his question.

“She can read auras. Hakkai can learn something from her.”

Hakkai stared at Sanzo with surprise, but Gojyo put his suggestive leer in place and said, “Aw, how cute! Somebody broke through the bastard monk’s barriers and made him respect her. This is somebody I definitely want to go on a date with!”

Max rolled her eyes but Sanzo said, “She’d love to. Now scram.”

“No,” Max said.

“Yes,” Sanzo said, although Gojyo found it funny how Sanzo wouldn’t put down his paper. He got the feeling that if Sanzo did make eye contact with Max he would lose this battle of wills in the most disgraceful way possible.

Max quickly gobbled up the last three bites on her plate – Gojyo hadn’t even seen her eat the rest – she was so fast – and grabbed Gojyo by his sleeve. “This is not a date, but I need to run. Come with me.”

Gojyo felt himself being pulled to his feet and he started running in order to keep up with the short girl who was still pulling on him. They went outside where it was still raining and they just ran. They ran down random streets, Gojyo chasing Max. He didn’t know when he started chasing her, but every time he lunged in to grab her she skipped out of his reach and turned down a side street. Eventually she led him into an alley that was blocked off with a brick wall. As Gojyo went to grab her she leapt up onto the wall. Gojyo just stared up at her, breathing hard. Was it just him, or was she not breathing? She wasn’t gasping for air the way he was.

“Just so you know,” he said between gasps, “this is a crappy date.”

“I told you that it wasn’t a date,” Max replied calmly. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Talk? About what?”

“Sanzo and Hakkai,” Max said as she settled herself on top of the stone wall. She looked as if she were sitting on the most comfortable throne. “I want to set them up with each other.”

“What? Why? If they want to get together then they’ll do it themselves,” Gojyo said.

“Funny, I thought that you were more relationship-savvy than that,” Max said with an evil look in her eye.

Gojyo cocked his head and looked up at the feisty little girl above him. “What are you thinking?” he asked.

“Hmm… I suppose I’m thinking that Sanzo is gay, not a virgin, and attracted to Hakkai. I’m thinking that although Sanzo is not a virgin he has very little experience in the sex and relationship departments, respectively. I’m thinking that Hakkai is attracted to Sanzo, but he had very limited sexual and relationship experiences, especially since he’s only boinged that girl that Goku said committed suicide in front of him. I’m thinking that they both have a lot of emotional issues they need to get past, and they can probably help each other out with that. I’m thinking that they’d make a very attractive couple.”

Gojyo felt himself agreeing with Max’s assessment. He had noticed how the other two men eyed each other when they thought that no one was looking. He had actually envied Sanzo a little bit for attracting Hakkai’s attentions. And then he thought about what a pretty pair the two of them made and he let go of his bitter emotions. “So what do you want to do?” he asked.

“Well, I’m not sure exactly… I just need your help to create a romantic atmosphere.”

“Do you think that they would just sit down at a candlelit dinner without complaining about it or asking questions?” Gojyo asked.

“How did you know that I was thinking about a candlelit dinner?” Max asked. Then she shook her head dismissively. “Anyway, I have a plan. I figure that we can hang out here for a while together, and then go back to the inn acting all clingy like a couple. Then you can go around and plan a fancy shmancy dinner for two. Then you and I can get into a fight, and you’ll dejectedly have Hakkai and Sanzo share the dinner. Voila! Insta-couple!”

“I think you’re a little optimistic about this,” Gojyo said, scratching his head. “What about that stupid monkey? He’s attached to Sanzo like a good woman is stuck to me.”

Max looked around. “I don’t see any women stuck to you.” Gojyo sneered and she chuckled a cute little laugh. “This was just a basic plan. When I have my fight with you I’ll probably end it by storming off. I’ll think of a reason to take Goku with me. It’ll be public and humiliating, and I won’t mean a word of what I’ll say to you. If it all works out, you’ll get to sleep in a bed tonight!”

That surprised Gojyo. “You’re bribing me with sex?”

“Did I say anything about sex? Get your mind out of the gutter, please! You’ll get to sleep in a bed and I’ll take the floor. Or, more likely, you’ll go to a bar after our ‘fight’ and pick up a woman. Or a man. Whatever.” She shrugged and cocked her head to the side thoughtfully. “I swear there isn’t a straight man in your whole group, except for Goku. He doesn’t have a sex drive yet.”

“You know, you’re amazing,” Gojyo said with a smile.

Surprisingly, Max didn’t smile at the compliment. If anything, her lips tightened with what looked a little like irritation. “It’s nice to know that you like what you see,” she said dryly.

Gojyo’s eyebrows snapped together and he made a face that he figured would look like it belonged on Sanzo’s face. He’d hit a wall that he hadn’t even seen coming, and that bugged the hell out of him. He may never have understood the men in his group, but he totally got women. This one was one wacked-out puzzle. “What’d I say wrong?” he asked gently.

With a subtly conscious effort Max smiled a gentle smile that looked genuine, like one of Hakkai’s fake ones. It looked real, but you still knew that it wasn’t. “You ask me no questions; I tell you no lies.” She scooted backwards a little on the wall. “I’m sorry, but there are just some things I don’t discuss with strangers. God, I sound like a little kid. ‘Don’t talk to strangers!’”

Gojyo smiled, understanding. There were things from his own past that he wouldn’t want strangers to know about. Although, he suddenly had the urge to explain to Max about how his stepmother had beat him because he reminded her of his father’s affair with a human woman. He wanted to confide in her the horror he’d felt when his full-demon half brother had killed his mother in order to protect a young Gojyo, how Jien had always been there to protect him, even sleeping with his own mother to keep Gojyo safe.

“You look like you’re thinking something awful,” Max said. “This world may be called Shangri-La, but you people here seem to be just as screwed up as the people where I’m from.”

With a dry chuckle Gojyo walked up to the wall and jumped up, grabbing the edge of the wall and trying to pull himself up. Max leaned backward and fell off. A moment later he felt a strange tingling in his body as Max walked through him and the wall. Gojyo dropped down to the ground and spun around, just staring at the woman who could carry a man on his shoulder as if he were a huge stuffed animal, dance with the rain, and walk through walls. “I haven’t touched the tip of the iceberg when I talk to you, have I?”

Max smiled demurely. “I’m afraid not.”

“I’m never going to get laid by you either.”

“I am sorry about that, but I do play a mean game of poker.”

Oh, hell yes! “You got anything to bet?” he asked. Poker sounded like fun.

“Give me an hour. I’ll have money,” she said, taking his arm and pulling him out of the alleyway.

“What are you going to do, pick pockets?” he teased.

“No, I haven’t picked pockets for money in, oh… maybe… thirteen and a half years? I haven’t been that hard up for money since I was homeless. No, I’ll do the other things I used to do to earn money after I realized that picking pockets really wasn’t that lucrative.”

“What’s that?”

“I’ll cheat people out of it!”

“What?!”

“I’ll stand at the corner, pick a target, and read their palms. I’ll look at their hands, tell them what the lines and fingerprints mean based off of the rules I memorized when I was four, and tell them destinies that they want to hear using as much fortune cookie wisdom as I can throw in. If that doesn’t work I can do the same thing with tarot card readings or have them play Find the Queen. I’ve noticed that those antics work better now that I’m not eight any more.”

“Oh, do I hear you explaining a bit of your past to a stranger?” Gojyo teased.

“Shoot. Well, there’s nothing to it, then. I’ll describe a piece of my past to you if you describe a piece of your past to me. This’ll even help me scream insults at you later.”

“Gods help me; this’ll be one hell of a fun afternoon!” Gojyo crowed with a laugh.