Saiyuki: Reborn

Still going. >^.^< No major warnings for this chapter, just lotsa
angst.

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Chapter 8

Goku was pressed against the window, watching the streets pass
excitedly. After a while he finally realized where Lan was taking
them. \"We\'re going to the temple, aren\'t we,\" he mock accused.

Lan glanced at Huyen, seated in the passenger seat, and smiled. \"Yes,
we are,\" he replied easily. \"The one with the large gardens. There\'s
practically a small woods within the grounds. It\'s very lovely.\"

Goku leaned over the seats, poking Lan in the side of the
head. \"You\'re tricky.\"

Huyen glanced at them only briefly before turning his gaze outward
once more. He\'d never been to the temple they were going to, and he
was a little anxious about it; he\'d never been very religious, and he
hoped the pair wasn\'t expecting anything of him. \"Is there something
there especially?\" he asked vaguely, resting his chin on his hand.

Lan nodded. \"A few scrolls, actually. They\'re very old.\"

Goku frowned, dropping back into his seat. \"I don\'t want a history
lesson,\" he said flatly, then grinned. \"I don\'t need it.\"

The eldest of the group chuckled. \"Of course. I just thought...it
might be interesting.\"

//Thought so.// The past few days had seemed almost perfect; taking
it easy as Goku recovered, spending time with Lan and Hakkuryuu--it
was easy to see how they had all once been so cloHe hHe had even
begun to remember a few things, like dinners shared at taverns, or
bits and pieces of conversations, or even a few fights. Nothing...too
significant, though, and nothing of the lives Lan had said he must
have had. He liked that he\'d been given the chance to remember on his
own terms. And then Lan had suggested a field trip. He\'d had a
feeling it had to do with their past lives, and he was nervous.

Lan led them through the temple easily, taking his time. Luckily, the
area of the temple that held the scrolls he was looking for was
empty, and he ushered his friends in. Goku was rather reluctant,
glancing at the rolls of glass covered paper with a frown. \"Come on
now; this will be interesting. It\'s surprising how much information
has been passed down through the legends.\"

Huyen shoved his hands in his pockets as he approached, taking it all
in. \"Looks like a history lesson to me,\" he muttered, though he was
admittedly interested. Or...mixed interest and apprehension. \"So,
what are we looking for?\" he asked, pausing in the room\'s center. \"I
can\'t read any of this stuff.\"

\"Come look here.\" Lan waved them over to one side. \"This part talks
about the journey taken by a priest and his companions.\" He
smiled. \"Sound familiar? It even has all their names.\" Lan pointed
out the different characters. There was a small illustration below
the words, depicting four men. One was hunched in front of the other
three, a tail curling behind him.

Goku leaned close, staring at the drawing. \"I don\'t have a tail,\" he
reported bluntly, pointing at the image.

Huyen\'s eyes thinned as he studied the images. \"Is that...really us?\"
he asked, not sure if he should be excited or intimidated. He reached
out hesitantly, but pulled back the moment his fingertips touched
cool glass. \"We were really that important...?\"

\"Damn right,\" Goku snorted, moving further down the case.

Lan ignored him, nodding in response to Huyen. \"The truth is actually
closer to the legend than what everyone claims is history.\" He
continued down the lettering as he spoke. \"Genjo Sanzo was charged
with retrieving a sacred sutra, and his three companions went with
him. In here, they only mention that Goku was a demon, but from what
I can recall, Hakkai was also a demon, and Gojyo was half demon.\"

\"He was a water nymph,\" Goku interrupted, voice low. \"But he couldn\'t
swim, except in bed.\"

Huyen frowned. //That sounded familiar.// But he shook his head and
tried to focus instead on what Hakkai was saying. \"So, you were once
a demon,\" he surmised, \"and Wen Jin….\" He moved down the scroll, but
he wasn\'t any good at reading such old writing, and he wasn\'t able to
make anything out. \"I...wasn\'t, was I?\"

\"Sanzo?\" Goku laughed. \"He was a priest, silly. He killed demons.\"

Lan flinched a bit. \"Some demons,\" he corrected gently. \"But Sanzo
was a priest--the highest rank of priest, actually, who could
communicate directly with the immortals.\" He moved to another
part. \"This part talks about how Sanzo found the Monkey King.\" He
glanced over at Goku with a smile.

Goku snorted. \"The one nick-name that ended up sticking.\"

\"Communicate with...?\" Huyen shook his head--this was all too
strange. \"That doesn\'t sound like me at all,\" he muttered, shoving
his hands back in his pockets. \"A priest? Talking to Buddha? What a
laugh.\" He glanced at Goku. \"But \'Monkey King\' sounds about dead on.\"

\"Hey!\" he protested, sticking his tongue out. \"That\'s not very nice.\"

\"Now now,\" Lan said gently, setting a hand on Huyen\'s
shoulder. \"Here, look at this.\" He led Huyen over to another
section. \"According to this, Sanzo was the one who released Goku from
being sealed in a mountain, which is how they met.\"

Goku fell silent on the other side of the case, staring down at all
the characters. He could read them easily, and the old writing was
both comforting and unnerving. //I wonder how people know that about
us.// He frowned. //Must have been those damn monks--they were always
so nosy when it came to me and Sanzo.//

Huyen frowned down at the case, and a tiny chill went through
him. //The mountain...and Goku....//

He shuddered suddenly, and clutched at Lan\'s sleeve when his balance
faltered. //He was cng fng for me. Calling for so long, because--
// \"Goku--\" His skull throbbed as the images tried to return,
flashing across his sight and making him shake even if he still
couldn\'t focus too long on any one of them.

Goku glanced over, and his first impulse was to hurry forward, but he
paused as Lan quickly supported him. //Huyen...you\'re remembering,
aren\'t you.// He...wasn\'t sure how to feel about that. Lan sent him a
sharp glance, though, and he obediently came closer to replace his
elder friend. Goku gently held his lover, touching his head. \"Huyen?\"

Huyen groaned softly, slipping an arm around Goku\'s shoulders to help
support him as he waited for the pain to pass. But it wasn\'t, and he
took several deep breaths. \"I...almost remember,\" he murmured,
rubbing at his eyes. \"Shit, how can it hurt so much when I can\'t put
together a single scene?\"

//I don\'t want him to hurt.// \"Just relax,\" he said, supporting Huyen
with one arm as he ran his other fingers through soft blond
hair. \"Don\'t worry about it right now, okay? You don\'t have to
remember.\" Goku held him close, nose against his cheek. \"Just calm
down, okay?\"

Lan frowned. //It...shouldn\'t hurt that much. It never bothered me as
much as that....//

\"I\'m all right.\" Huyen took a step away from the scrolls, and after a
long moment the tension eased. //I\'m sorry, Goku. I know it\'s
important to you.// He licked his lips as he straightened. \"I\'m gonna
get some air. But I do want to see the rest.\"

Lan sighed quietly. \"All right. Take your time.\" He glanced at Goku--
he wasn\'t looking.

Goku stuffed his hands in his pockets, kicking idly at the
floor. //Damnit.//

\"I\'ll be right back.\" Huyen lowered his gaze as he wandered out of
the hall, breathing in cool, fresh air. //I\'m sorry.// With a sighed
he wandered down the stone path.

One he was gone Lan turned back to Goku with concern. \"Goku. I\'m
sorry--I know you\'re probably frustrated. But we need to talk about
this.\" He slid a hand idly over the glass case. \"Remembering
everything has never been easy for me, but it\'s never been like that.\"

Goku glanced back, but he was quick to look away again. \"It\'s always
been hard for him,\" he muttered, not wanting Huyen to
hear. \"I...pretty much stopped talking about...everything...after the
first few days. I didn\'t want him to be hurt.\"

Lan nodded thoughtfully. \"I was a little surprised when we met,
actually, that you hadn\'t told him more, but I guess now I see why.\"
He sighed softly. \"I think...there might be something wrong with how
he was reincarnated,\" he said quietly. \"You must have noticed it--
even more than me. It\'s definitely our Sanzo, but something\'s changed
him.\"

\"Yeah....\" Goku kicked at a small stone that had gotten onto the
temple floor, watching as it bounced across the wood. \"He acts
different, too,\" he went on hesitantly. \"He\'s a lot
more...affectionate...than Sanzo was....\" He could feel his cheeks
heating, but he had to be honest with Lan.

\"I can\'t even begin to guess at what it might be,\" Lan went on
thoughtfully. \"As far as I can recall, I\'ve only met him in a
previous incarnation once since our journey to the west. I can\'t say
the same about him and Gojyo, though Huyen hasn\'t mentioned anything
about it, has he?\" Somehow, he didn\'t think so. \"The way he talks
sometimes...I wouldn\'t be surprised if he\'s lived most of his
incarnations without any of us.\"

Goku nodded. \"I think...you\'re probably right. If you\'ve only met him
once, then it would all be on Gojyo. But I have a feeling they didn\'t
meet that often. I found Gojyo about two or three times, and Sanzo
wasn\'t there for those, so....\" //Huyen...it\'s been really lonely for
you. I could almost understand why you wouldn\'t want to remember any
of it.//

\"I wonder...if it was just that.\" Lan pursed his lips. Could that
really be it? The Sanzo he remembered was so proud, so strong, but
Huyen... \"I suppose it\'s not...entirely a bad thing,\" he thought
aloud. \"The two of you seem to be pretty happy now. But….\" He paused
suddenly, frowning. \"I wonder if it has to do with....\'

He glanced up. \"With?\" Even if he didn\'t *really* mind his new,
gentle lover, he couldn\'t help being curious. \"What are you thinking?\"

La fro frown deepened. \"When he and I met...it must have been our
fourth lives. I don\'t really remember it well, because I died pretty
young.\" He met Goku\'s eyes to convey his seriousness. \"It…was pretty
gruesome, from what clues I have. And I think Sanzo--Huyen was there.
If he was unable to meet any of us after that....\"

Goku\'s eyes dropped to the floor, and it felt like his stomach went
with it. It was a horrible idea, terrifying.... //After all, there\'s
nothing worse than watching your friend die...and die again....// He
shivered. //And again....//

Lan cringed a little; he didn\'t want to worry Goku with all of
this. \"I\'m sorry--it was a long time ago, after all. But that might
be one of the reasons why Huyen\'s having trouble remembering.\" He set
a hand on Goku\'s shoulder. \"It\'s not you, Goku. There may be a lot of
reasons we don\'t know about.\"

//No...no, that\'s not it. That\'s not it at all....// But he couldn\'t
shake off that hand. \"It\'s okay,\" he muttered, eyes still down-
cast. \"Just...I don\'t want him to hurt anymore. I don\'t want to hurt
him....\"

Lan sighed. \"I know. But it\'s really Huyen\'s decision whether or not
he wants to remember.\" He tried to get Goku to face him. \"For now,
he\'s all right. Chances are he\'ll remember us in his next life.
It\'s...really not the same as having Sanzo back, but maybe with time
it\'ll be like starting over.\" He scratched the back of his head. \"I
don\'t really know if I\'m helping, but…\"

\"No, it\'s fi" he" he replied quickly, trying to brighten a bit, if
only for Lan\'s sake. \"I\'m sure you\'re right. Maybe things will be
better next time.\" Inside, Goku felt his stomach twisting into
painful knots--he didn\'t want to think about the next time. He didn\'t
want to think about Huyen dying, about waiting around for the next
incarnation. He couldn\'t just...throw a lifetime away.

\"Huyen!\" he called, bouncing away from Lan. \"Hey! Are you feeling any
better?\"

Lan sighed quietly, but he decided to let it go. Abandoning the
scrolls he followed Goku outside, where they came across Huyen
resting at a bench further down the path. //I\'ll just have to trust
them.//

Huyen glanced up as they approached. He was pretty sure he wasn\'t
supposed to be smoking on the grounds, but it was helping relax his
mind a little. \"Hey.\" He lifted a hand in greeting, but he didn\'t
stand up just yet. \"Yeah, I\'m fine.\"

Goku dropped down beside his lover, leaning close to quickly kiss his
cheek. //Don\'t hurt anymore. Even...if you don\'t remember.// \"So, are
you tired of this place yet? Maybe we could go get a burger or
something.\"

Huyen considered for a long moment. \"I\'d like to see more,\" he said
at last, pushing to his feet. He started to flick his cigarette away,
then paused, realizing again where they were. Frowning, he snuffed it
out on his shoe and slipped the butt in his pocket. \"Let\'s go. That\'s
why we\'re here, right?\"

Goku pouted, though only for a moment. \"Fine fine.\" //I don\'t
wanna.// He followed anyway as they returned to the temple.

Lan watched the two alternately, though...he was glad Huyen wanted to
continue. Once inside, though, he wasn\'t sure where to begin. He
turned to Huyen. \"Well? What do you want to know?\"

\"I\'m not sure...\" Huyen glanced back through the cases, deliberately
avoiding the one that had set him off earlier. \"Something about the
rest of you guys.\" //It\'s when I try to remember myself that it
hurts.//

\"Hmm.... Well, there\'s not much about us,\" he replied, glancing
through the texts. \"It\'s mostly about Sanzo. Though... this part.\"
Lan pointed to a section near the beginning of the scroll. \"This
talks more about Goku, and how he and Sanzo met.\"

Goku rolled his eyes, but remained silent.ou cou could just ask me,
you know.//

\"Oh.\" Huyen frowned slightly; that was kind of what he\'d wanted to
avoid. But he nodded anyway, even if he kept his distance
somewhat. \"Sure. I\'m sure Goku can tell us how accurate it is,\" hddeddded lightly.

Pleased, Lan bent over the texts. \"According to this, Goku was born
from a rock in the earth. His power was so great that even the
immortals had trouble controlling him. The Merciful Goddess had to
place a seal on him to keep him from destroying everything.\" He sent
a grin over to Goku. \"Troublesome, weren\'t you.\"

Goku shrugged, not quite as cheerful as Lan was. //Of course it
doesn\'t mention Konzen and the others. No one...would have remembered
them.//

Huyen touched his shoulder lightly. //This has got to be weird for
him. But I do want to know, and hearing it this way…might be easier
for me.// \"That sounds like Goku. What else?\"

\"Well....\" Lan leaned a bit closer. \"According to this, Goku lost
control of himself and ended up...causing a lot of dectioction. It\'s
not very clear on the specifics.\"

//Like Nataku,// he thought with a small shiver. //I wish...I knew if
he was reborn....//

\"He was again sealed, though was deemed too dangerous to remain in
Heaven.\" Lan frowned slightly. It was different, reading it like this
with Goku in the room. It felt a lot more personal, like he was
prying into something that would have been best left for Goku to
tell. \"Bosatsu had him sealed into a mountain for...looks
like...about five hundred years.\"

//Five hundred years...it\'s almost imaginable.// Huyen was still
nodding along, staying close to Goku as Lan related the history. //I
want to ask him why, but…later.// \"And that\'s when...you met
Sanzo...uh, me. Right, Goku?\"

Goku nodded, though he didn\'t offer anything else. He waved for Lan
to continue.

\"That\'s right. Sanzo found Goku trapped in the mountain and agreed to
let him out.\" He scratched at his neck. \"It says that Sanzo made him
swear to serve him, and Goku was bound to him and under his control--\"

\"No!\" Goku jerked, fists clenched at his sides. //Bound to him?
Controlled me?// \"It doesn\'t say that,\" he denied.

Huyen started at the boy\'s sudden denial. \"Goku, calm down,\" he said
quickly. He didn\'t want them to get worked up over this. \"It\'s just
legends.\" //But…I controlled him? That doesn\'t sound right….//

Lan straightened, watching the boy. \"Goku...we all know it\'s not
completely accurate.\"

\"Well it should be!\" he interrupted, stepping closer. \"If they can\'t
get it right, they shouldn\'t say anything!\" Goku glared down at the
scrolls. //That\'s my life they\'re talking about--all of ours. Sanzo
didn\'t have to \"control\" me--I don\'t need \"controlling!\"//

\"Goku.\" Huyen set his hand down on his arm, trying to calm him. \"It
doesn\'t matter what they think, all right? We have each other, now.\"

\"Exactly,\" Lan quickly piped up. \"They\'re just scrolls. It\'s just the
way history and legend was recorded.\"

Goku tore away from them both. \"We\'re not legends,\" he
growled. \"Sanzo never forced me to do anything. I *wanted* to go with
him. He was *everything* to me! They can\'t just say shit like that!\"
He turned on the glass cases, staring at their inaccurate drawings,
their false words. \"Damnit, they don\'t even know the truth about us!
They don\'t know what we went through!\" //They don\'t know what I
fought for--what I lost....//

Goku raised his fist in a sudden fit of anger, aiming to shatter the
protective glass and the scrolls underneath. His arm was shaking with
the memories flashing before him, suspended for a long
moment. //Damnit, Sanzo....//

\"Goku!\" Huyen stepped between him and the case and, without thinking,
struck Goku lightly upside the head. \"Will you calm down already? Did
you really think a bunch of arrogant little monks would understand?
This isn\'t about them--I let you both drag me here so I could try to
remember the truth, not their version of it.\"

Goku\'s eyes widened, though they were still trained on the case. He
was breathing heavily--the air was thick, like it was about to rain,
and he shivered. //Huyen, you....// \"That\'s my life down there,\" he
said, nearly a whisper. \"That\'s my life that they\'re screwing with.\"
He glanced up at Huyen, and the expression on his face made his arm
go lax and drop. His fingers curled. //Damnit.// He spun away,
towards the door, and started to march out. \"Go ahead then,\" he
muttered. \"Read it if you want to. It\'s all a bunch of crap.\"

\"Goku…. \" Huyen sighed and sent Lan a helpless look. //I\'m only doing
this for you, after all, so if you don\'t want me to then there\'s no
point.// \"I\'m sorry,\" he said to the elder man, already taking a step
back. \"I know you meant well, but...maybe we should go.\"

Lan glanced at the scrolls, scratching his head in
confusion. \"That...didn\'t work out the way I wanted,\" he said
dejectedly, then sighed. \"Yes, I suppose you\'re right.\" He moved to
set a hand on Huyen\'s shoulder. \"I should be the one apologizing. I
thought this would be helpful for you, and all I did was upset
Goku.\" //As if he needed the extra aggravation when he\'s still
recovering from that wound....//

\"It\'s all right.\" Huyen clapped him lightly on the shoulder before
trotting ahead, trying to catch up to Goku. \"Hey, Goku!\" He fell into
step beside the boy, hoping they could just put this behind
them. \"Hey. Let\'s go get something to eat and forget about this,
okay?\"

\"Thought you didn\'t want to forget,\" he retorted, head lowered. He
regretted the words immediately, though, and Goku sighed. \"Sorry. I
didn\'t mean that. We\'ll go, wherever you want.\"

Lan came up behind them, though houghought it would be best to keep
quiet for now.

\"Goku….\" Huyen shook his head suddenly, his fists curling. \"The only
reason I give a shit is because of you,\" he retorted, shoving his
hands into his pockets. He didn\'t want to get into a fight--he was
just frustrated, and he knew that. \"So...if I\'m going to remember, it
should be what you remember, too. Right?\"

Goku stopped walking and stared down at the ground, hands in his
coat. //I hate this. I don\'t want to argue with him, but....// His
eyes narrowed. //I don\'t want you to remember if it hurts you that
much.// His shoulders hunched. \"Sorry....\"

Huyen stopped as well, and gave him a slight nudge. \"Don\'t. It\'s my
decision.\" But when that didn\'t seem to help anything he slipped a
hand out of his pocket, wrapping his arm lightly around Goku\'s
shoulders. \"Listen, I\'m glad we\'re together, and if remembering the
past means it\'ll be easier remembering this life later on...I\'ll do
whatever I have to.\"

Goku sighed, turning to rest his head briefly on Huyen\'s
shoulder. \"Well...when you put it that way....\" //If that\'s really
his reasoning...then that\'s good. That\'s okay.// He tilted his chin
enough to see the other, and he smiled faintly. \"Cheeseburgers?\"

Huyen smirked. \"As long as I can smoke.\" He glanced back to give Lan
a reassuring look. //We shouldn\'t worry about it so much. If we spend
all the time trying to remember what we had…we won\'t have time for
this life.// He gave Goku a little tug as they started down the path
once more, Lan beside them. //This is enough.//

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