Want and Need are Two Very Different Things

First I would like to apologize for the very long period of time between my updates. I realize that this was very rude and inapropriate of me and I wish to ask for your mercy. I am already writing chapter 9 and it as well as chapter 10 will be added shortly after this update. My life became very busy with several private matters as well as schooling. I hope you enjoy this chapter and it was worth the wait. I can also assure you that chapters 9 and 10 will be so I hope you review as well as keep looking for the future chapters.

Sincerely,

YaoiLoverVixen







Want and Need are Two Very Different Things

Chapter 8 Everything He Could Have Done


Aya moved upstairs slowly. He looked for Omi, so that he could let him know that Yohji had gone to get Ken and that they would be back soon. He rapped on Omi’s door, across from his own, but received no answer. He tried again and still the door didn’t open. ~Omi must be downstairs working on something.~ before descending down the stairs he decided to go get a different shit, as his was wrinkled from the excursion in the kitchen. He cringed from the memory. ~Oh Jesus, what have I done?~ Turning the knob to his door he found it locked. He pulled at it again but still it didn’t budge. Taking his keys from his back pocket he slipped the key into the lock and turned it. Opening the door, nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.

His feet felt like lead as he rushed into the police station. Yohji informed the officer at the front desk his business there and he was then directed to a small room where he found Ken lying on a couch. He looked so innocent curled up on the small couch, his feet tucked under him and a blanket covering very little of him. Yohji made a mental note to never have to see Ken in this position again. Stepping towards the couch he knelt down and brought his face level with Ken’s. He could see the peacefulness written over Ken’s face. Yohji suspected this is how they all looked when sleeping; being able to let go of it all. The memories of their past and the ever looming idea of no tomorrow hanging over their heads in their wakeful hours. Yohji knew that he himself used his dreamless sleep as his refuge. He hated himself then, looking at Ken and seeing a bandage on his hand and cheek. He moved his fingers slowly over his face, moving hair from Ken’s eyes.
Opening his eyes he found them looking into sad, green ones. Opening them wider all of Yohji came into view . He felt a huge knot in his stomach at the sight of him and quickly closed his eyes and turned away. “Don’t look at me, please.” He said, feeling the tears welling up in his eyes. He could hear Yohji’s soft whisper of his name but he refused to believe that it was out of compassion or pity. This was the last thing he needed right now. For Yohji to see him like this was just the thing to make this damnable situation worse. Yohji’s opinion was the only one that mattered and the one he dreaded the most. Ken was then roused out of his musings be the arms that were now encasing him and lifting him, with the blanket still around him, off the couch. Yohji had pulled him close to his chest and held him like he was cradling a child. This forced Ken to turn his face to Yohji’s and he looked as if living hurt him. ~Yohji please just leave me.~
Ken looked so vulnerable and pain littered his face. He couldn’t bear the sad smile that looked up at him. “You don’t deserve that Ken. You are not dirty or soiled. You are perfect. He didn’t win because you wouldn’t let him.” Yohji tried to let his face show every piece of worry and fear he had felt when he had learned of Ken’s absence. He himself hadn’t realized how much attachment and ….love he had for the small figure he now held in his arms, until he might have lost him. He carried Ken to the car after he got the “Okay” from the officers. The entire ride was in silence and it wasn’t that he hadn’t tried to start a conversation but the words seemed dry and distasteful in his mouth, on his lips. Yohji constantly glanced over at Ken, who was looking out the window, not really seeing anything that they passed, just looking. To Yohji it seemed as if Ken had subjected himself to silence. It was his self inflicted punishment, adding insult to injury. And Yohji had never felt so helpless.


So warm. It was so warm. I could hear everything. I could see everything. I could taste everything. I could even smell everything. But more importantly I could feel everything. I have never felt my senses so acute before, yet so distant at the same time. It felt infinite. This nothingness was the one thing I could believe in to last forever. Peace seemed like an understatement. But then it hit me. It came so fast, I couldn’t ever have time to try to protect myself nor the energy. This intense pain was a fire like nothing else I had ever felt. Burning across my skin and through my insides like unbridled lightning. I don’t think I like feeling all that much.


Omi looked so small. Omi looked so wrong. Aya had thought these before grabbing the small body out of the pool of blood, Omi’s blood, which had gathered around him. Once in the bathroom they all shared Aya set Omi, slumping on the toilet seat. His wrists still dropped a red line across the floor and now left a puddle where they lay motionless at his sides. He couldn’t keep his gaze steady anymore so he set himself to find their first-aid kit. Once found he fumbled with the rubbing alcohol on the cotton and then over Omi’s skin, after tying gauze around his wrists as a tourniquet. He knew Omi would have been complaining and whimpering in pain at the liquid on his skin but his unconscious features showed nothing. They looked almost peaceful. Aya pushed the thought aside at the shudder that wracked his body and went back to his treatment. His fingers were lazy and clumsy with the bandages and then with more gauze he wrapped and taped around Omi’s wrists. He usually never did this. Omi was always the one who treated their wounds. Aya would never usually admit it out loud but it truly was Omi that lead Weiss. Their intelligence and maturity beat by this, boy, who was barely and adult, but more of a man than any of them. Shudders violently regularly shook his body now. Just looking at Omi now made him disgusted with himself. ~Was Omi constantly in this much pain?~ Pushing all his thoughts aside he concentrated on the limp body he enveloped in his arms. Aya carried Omi to his own bedroom and thankfully found it unlocked. Laying him on his bed, Aya pulled the blanket over him, making sure not to hurt his wrists. Seeing his breathing becoming slightly regular, he looked for and spotted a chair in the corner and pulled it up beside the bed. ~I won’t leave you to feel this pain ever again, I promise, Omi.~
After hearing the door and then the stairs under Yohji’s feet, Aya stepped out into the hall, exchanging glances with Yohji. Yohji looked dead. The life that shone from his eyes was gone. They were void of everything but pain. “Yohji,” He turned his head, still holding Ken in this arms that slept, “I’m going out. You can’t stop me so don’t even try. You just need to check on Omi every so often. He…..,” He couldn’t do it. His heart felt crushed and tight. He tried to form the words as best he could. “Omi has … cut himself, on his wrists. They are still sensitive and he lost a lot of blood which currently is in my room and I will deal with later.” Aya went quickly to change into his mission gear and then went to leave as Yohji stepped out of Ken’s room.
“I didn’t even think of it.”
“What?”
“To stop you.”
Now Yohji’s eyes were shining loud and clear. There wasn’t a way on earth that would stop either of them with their revenge. Turning to leave Aya was stopped by Yohji’s voice. It was deep and rich but so cold, Aya felt it in his nerves.

“When you’re done with them, it’s your turn. I’ll be waiting.”

Not able to turn around, Aya nodded then continued his path to the door. Finally looking over his shoulder their eyes met. His heart ached for the first time, before Omi, had seemed like lifetimes. Never since his sister had he held so much guilt and pain as he had felt today. Whatever Yohji will do to him, he deserved with no explanations or excuses. He wanted to know why this pain was so different than before but he already knew. This time there was everything he could have done.