Unlocking My Love

Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: bad language
Author’s Note: Ah, well, we are back! My muse has been very busy lately with completing a FAKE story (finally!) so Gravitation has had to take a backseat for a time. However, now we may be able to see what is in store for Shuichi and Yuki. I know that some readers feel that things aren’t moving fast enough between these two, but try and keep in mind that this is now only the fifth day after the events that occurred at the end of ‘The Key to My Heart’. That’s only five days after Shuichi’s full memories returned. So I don’t think either Shuichi or Yuki would be rushing towards talking about everything just yet, it’s going to take a little bit of time for them both, especially Shuichi, to get a few things straight in their own heads first. Thank you for your patience and I trust everyone had a pleasant festive season.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creator of ‘Gravitation’.


Unlocking My Love: Chapter 8


Shuichi yawned widely, mouth open so far that his tonsils could be seen dangling at the back of his throat.

“Big night, was it?” Hiro asked with a smirk in his voice, innuendo positively dripping from every word.

“Not like you think!” Shuichi retorted quickly, glaring at his friend.

Hiro just laughed, amused by his friend’s defensiveness. “So how come you’re so tired then?” he pressed.

“I don’t know. Probably just because we’ve been at it for so long that as soon as I relax a bit I just crash.” He yawned again. “I can barely seem to keep my eyes open.”

“Well, you had better be certain to get enough sleep before we start the tour.” Hiro warned. “We can’t afford for you not to be in top form.”

Shuichi waved his concern aside. “I’ll be fine,” he reassured him. “There’s still a couple of days yet, and you know that I’ll sleep on the bus.”

“Okay.” Hiro allowed the subject to drop as he poured himself some water. He made his way back to sit down next to his friend. “So how was the film?”

“Great. What I saw of it.” Shuichi grumble.

“Oh, ho! So just what were you doing to make you miss it? No, don’t tell me, that’s too much information!”

“It was nothing like that!” Shuichi declared vehemently. “I fell asleep.”

“A likely story.”

“It’s true!” Shuichi tried to say. “I got about half way through it and then the next thing I knew was that the movie was over!”

“Some date you are!” Hiro said. “So what did Yuki say about that?”

Shuichi flushed with embarrassment “He told me off.” He shrugged. “I can’t really blame him. It wasn’t particularly good of me to agree to meet him and then go to sleep, especially when he let me pick the movie.”

“So was he really mad at you?”

“I….don’t think so.”

Hiro raised an eyebrow. “You don’t think so? Couldn’t you tell?”

Shuichi flapped his arms in frustration for a moment. “You know how hard he can be to read! I don’t know for sure!”

Hiro leant back then, face calm. “Well, you’re still in one piece, and you haven’t been bawling your eyes out so I presume the night ended okay. Which probably means that he wasn’t that mad with you after all.” He eyed his friend with humour. “Though if it had been me, I probably would be if my date had fallen asleep on me!”

“It wasn’t a date.” Shuichi automatically denied.

“Yeah, yeah, what ever you say.” Hiro picked up the papers before them. They were supposed to be studying the layout of the venues where they would be playing during the tour to ensure they were familiar with not only the stage set-up but also the overall location in case of emergencies. K was very big on safety – not that you would think it the way he waved those guns of his around!

Shuichi thought back to the night before and wondered. Had Yuki been mad at him? He had certainly been frowning when he had first woken up.

He remembered coming to slowly, drawing out of sleep, feeling warm and comfortable. There had been the sensation of being cradled, held lightly but firmly in arms that made him feel safe and protected. His eyes fluttered open to find the lights in the theatre on and the screen blank and silent. His head had been resting against something hard, digging into his cheek and when he had shifted away he realised that it had been Yuki’s shoulder he had been leaning on.

“About time you decided to surface.” Yuki said curtly, shifting away also and stretching his arms, obviously working the kinks out.

“Uh, sorry, did I fall asleep?”

Yuki stared at him for the stupid question he had just asked. “Well, unless you call it being awake with your eyes closed and drooling down my shoulder.” He stared down at the afore-mentioned portion of his body and Shuichi, following his gaze, looked guiltily upon the distinctly damp patch visible on Yuki’s jacket. He flushed and didn’t know what to say. Sorry hardly seemed adequate in this case.

“Has it been over long?” he asked instead, looking over the balcony and seeing no one.

“For a while,” Yuki replied, standing. “I told them to leave us alone.”

Shuichi felt his face warm a little again. “They’re going to get the wrong idea, you know,” he said.

Yuki shrugged. “And whose fault is that?” He held a hand out to Shuichi and hauled him to his feet. “Hurry up so we can get out of here.”

“Ah, okay,” Shuichi took a few steps towards the door when Yuki’s voice stopped him.

“Are you intending to walk out like that?”

Shuichi looked over his shoulder, puzzled. “Why?”

Yuki dropped his gaze to Shuichi’s feet pointedly and he looked down also. His face flushed brightly and he felt like he was seven years old again and just been scolded by his mother. He tried to hide his bare feet, a feat in itself as there was no physically possible way he could do so, then hurried back to his seat, leaning over to pull his previously discarded shoes on. He was breathing a little quickly when he stood again to see Yuki just staring at him.

“Are you right now?” he asked with a touch of sarcasm.

“Ah…” Shuichi hurriedly glanced around the area and, spotting his jacket, also snagged that before it was forgotten. Not seeing anything else he turned back to Yuki. “Yeah, I’m ready.” he said with a touch more confidence.

“Humph,” Yuki half snorted, leading the way briskly from the theatre. Shuichi scrambled after him. “You’d forget your head if it wasn’t screwed on.” he said.

Shuichi refrained from replying because his recent performance hardly dispelled Yuki’s statement. “I was still half asleep,” he said in a small voice, a token attempt at defence.

Yuki just raised an eyebrow at him without saying a word and Shuichi subsided, trying hard to ignore the stares, smiles, whispers and giggles from the theatre staff still present.

Yuki paused on the pavement outside. “Want a lift?” he asked, hand immediately disappearing into a pocket only to return in a moment holding cigarette packet and lighter.

Shuichi thought about it for a moment, tempted to say yes, remembering Yuki’s body warmth which still seemed to permeate his clothes. He flushed again. No, not a good thing. He was tired, still feeling a little sleepy, and liked that feeling of being close to Yuki just a little too much for his peace of mind just now.

He shook his head. “No, thanks. I’ll grab a cab.”

“Suit yourself,” Yuki said. He raised a hand and waved a passing taxi down which pulled in. He opened the door as Shuichi stepped closer, tyring not to feel like Yuki was treating him like a girl. He paused, one foot in the cab, the open door between himself and the other man.

He looked up at that expressionless face, watching the wisp of exhaled smoke drifting from the corner of Yuki’s thin lips and upwards. Damn, he looked good, was the unconscious thought that crossed his mind.

“Ah, well, thanks for the evening.” he half mumbled, feeling awkward. “It was a good movie.”

“How can you say it was good? You slept through most of it.” Yuki stated bluntly.

“Well, the sleep was good then!” Shuichi retorted.

Yuki shrugged. “At least your snores didn’t drown out the dialogue so I could hear the rest.”

Shuichi rolled his eyes. “Anyway, thanks for tonight.”

He began to turn away when Yuki spoke again. “Are you free tomorrow?”

Shuichi paused and looked back. “Uhm,” he thought over his schedule. “Not during the day and it could be a late finish as well.”

Yuki looked off to the side, as though there was something immensely interesting on the other side of the road. “Then why don’t you come over to my place for coffee after?” he said abruptly.

Shuichi felt his heart thump hard, pounding in his chest. Could he be hearing right? Had Yuki really just invited him to his home?

“Sure,” he managed to get out breathlessly. “I could do that.”

“Fine,” Yuki dropped the cigarette to the ground and trod on it, grinding it into the pavement. “See you then.” He suddenly leant forward and brushed his lips across Shuichi’s cheek, before turning and walking quickly away.

Shuichi’s hand flew to his cheek, feeing the spot of warmth under his palm, eyes wide and staring in shock after Yuki’s retreating form. He couldn’t even speak, words caught in his throat as the blood pounded through his veins. He turned and almost fell into the taxi, his knees almost buckling under him. He recalled feeling breathless all the way home and sleep eluded him for some time that night – hence the tiredness today.

He smiled even now, feeling a little please and yet embarrassed. The kiss had been nothing more than a touch, fleeting and gone in an instant. His hand crept up to caress his cheek lightly.

Hiro looked on in amusement. He didn’t know what had happened between his friend and old partner but what ever had, had put a permanent smile on Shuichi’s face all day which was always a good thing. It felt good to see him behaving more and more like his old self, and the best thing about his friend had always been his smiling face.

“Come on, slacker,” Hiro said, whapping Shuichi over the head with the papers in hand, startling him out of his happy trance.

“Ow!” Shuichi glared at him, swatting back.

Hiro was unconcerned. “Don’t try and pretend. That didn’t hurt a bit. However,” and now he fixed his friend with a steely gaze, “if K finds you not paying attention to this you are going to be worm food!”

“Fine, fine, give it here!” Shuichi snatched some of the papers from Hiro and laid them on the table before him, leaning over and trying to make himself concentrate only on them and not on the lingering soft touch of lips against his cheek.

************

Yuki yawned widely and stretched again. He was still lying in bed, although it was past mid-morning which was unusual for him. He may not have been a morning person but he actually wasn’t a sloth either. He just wasn’t as hyperactive as Shuichi in bouncing out of bed at ungodly hours in the morning, whether it was for work or not!

He wriggled around a bit, draping one long leg over the side of the bed, enjoying the touch of the cooler air on the skin. He wasn’t in any particular rush to get up at the moment. He had nothing urgent that required doing so he allowed himself the luxury of just lying there a little longer.

Suddenly the peace was shattered with a sharp, determined knock on the front door. He opened his eyes in surprise. He certainly wasn’t expecting anyone and there hadn’t been any messages on the answering machine about any visitations.

The knock came again, shaper this time, and he scowled. Forget it, he snarled to himself. He wasn’t going to get up.

The knocking persisted, becoming more rapid, almost to the point of pounding.

Fuck it!, he fumed, throwing the covers back and standing, grabbing his yukata from the back of the door as he stalked out, muttering dire threats to the person on the other side of the door.

He unlocked it, yanking it open, to be confronted by a face that matched his own, right down to the scowl. Mika glared back at him, hands on hips.

“What the hell do you want?!” he snapped, wanting to just slam the door closed again though knowing better not to. Mika had a mean right hook when she wanted to and Yuki had felt it more than once in his hoodlum days although it hadn’t made much of an impression back then. Except to give him a healthy respect for his elder sister for a whole new reason.

Mika sniffed delicately and tossed her hair back over her shoulder. “Well, hurry up and invite me in,” she said briskly. “I have no intentions of remaining out here and making a spectacle of myself.”

Yuki was tempted to say something but wisely bit his tongue, holding it in, as he reluctantly stepped back and allowed Mika to enter, although he made certain to slam the door behind her to indicate his displeasure. That didn’t seem to have any effect on her.

Mika made her way directly into the lounge room, seating herself elegantly on the couch. “You can make me a coffee,” she stated, placing her handbag on the table before her. “And don’t make it too strong!” Yuki glared at her back and stomped into the kitchen, grumbling under his breath. It wasn’t that it was really putting him out, he would have made the coffee anyway as it was always the first thing he did, but he hated being bossed around like this. Mika sometimes seemed to forget that he wasn’t a kid anymore!

As the coffee brewed he moved back to where his sister sat and looked around for his cigarettes, spying them over on top of the TV. He made a beeline for them and immediately lit up. As he turned around he saw that Mika had done the same and was now leaning back on the couch, just looking at him.

“What?!” he growled at her, truly beginning to wonder if something was wrong.

“So what are you going to do when Shuichi goes on tour?” she suddenly asked, startling him.

“Huh?” was the unintelligent response that dropped from his lips. Gods, he sounded like that idiot!, he thought.

Mika sighed, “What are you going to do when Shuichi goes on tour?” she enunciated each word very carefully and slowly as though he was hard of hearing or worse.

He glared at her, teeth clamped around his cigarette. “I heard you the first time,” he snarled.

“Then you should answer instead of playing dumb.” She tapped the ash from her cigarette lightly into the ashtray. She looked up at him. “So?”

“I’ve no idea what the hell you’re talking about,” he said, turning away and opening curtains and windows. Immediately the room was filled with the distant sound of traffic. “He’s just away working for a few weeks. I’ll see him when he gets back.” He turned around to look at her again. “Besides I’ve always got things I can be doing. This isn’t anything special.”

Mika just looked at her obstinate brother and was desperately wanting to throw something, preferably something very large and heavy, at him. Either that or stand up and stamp her feet and scream at him. Instead she settled for taking a deep breath to control such urges and tried again.

“I know you have been seeing him over the past few days,” she said.

“How…?” Yuki began and then pressed his lips together. Of course she knew; Tohma would have told her.

He saw her nod with his understanding. “Yes, Tohma has been keeping an eye on things because he doesn’t want Shuichi upset and unable to carry on with the tour. This is really important to the band.”

“And to him!” Yuki growled.

Mika tipped her head to one side and half shrugged. “Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be? This is his business, of course he wants it to go well. But,” and she stubbed out her cigarette fully. “that doesn’t mean that he is not also concerned for Shuichi’s welfare. There’s a lot happening just at the moment and Tohma’s concerned that it might be too much for him to handle all at once.”

“So what are you saying?” Yuki eyed his sister with wariness. He wasn’t sure what this conversation was really about.

“I’m just here to see how things have been going for you two. Are you okay?” Now she sounded concerned for him.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He turned away, refusing to look at her. Although he couldn’t see her face he did hear her sigh.

“Come on, Eiri. Talk to me. I just want to know that the two of you are getting along all right. I don’t want either of you hurt again.”

Yuki looked over his shoulder to see her gazing back at him with complete sincerity and concern in her eyes. He let out a deep sigh himself and felt his anger begin to crumble. He knew Mika loved and cared about him. Her affection had always been a constant in his life, no matter what he did. And he also knew that she did actually have a soft spot for Shuichi as well.

“Things have been going fine,” he grudgingly said, running a hand through his hair. He hated talking about his private life with anyone, especially where it concerned his family and Shuichi.

“Are you and Shuichi back together?”

He looked at her, drawing on the last of the cigarette before walking over to deposit it in the ashtray. “What do you mean by ‘back together’?”

“Are you sleeping together?” Mika asked bluntly.

Yuki coughed as the smoke he had been exhaling caught in his throat. He spluttered for a moment more before he could speak again. “What the fuck business is that of yours anyway?!” he exploded, feeling his face getting red and that making him angrier.

“I gather that is a ‘no’,” Mika replied calmly. “That’s probably good. I think it would be too early.”

“Who’s asking your opinion anyway?” Yuki stalked into the kitchen and poured his coffee, and after a moment’s hesitation poured one for his sister also.

He held it out for her, ensuring she had a firm grip before releasing his hold. “All I’m saying it that both of you have gone through a hell of a lot lately and this is all new again to Shuichi so I don’t want to see you both rushing anything if there’s no need to.” She sipped her drink. “Besides, Tohma doesn’t want his head getting too muddled.” She sipped again. “Well, no more than usual that is.”

Yuki snorted, taking a large swallow of his scalding drink. “That idiot’s hardly got enough brains to muddle!” he grated out.

Mika chuckled lightly. “So you always claim,” she replied. “However you know perfectly well that Shuichi has brains, he just uses them in different ways to the rest of us!” She took another swallow. “Though I will admit that he seems to have calmed down a little from what he had been like before.” She gazed into the distance for a moment, a small smile tugging at her lips. “I guess he finally has grown up.”

Yeah, Yuki thought, drinking his coffee. He has grown up, and he still didn’t quite know what he was supposed to do about it.

“Why don’t you go with him?” The sudden question brought him out of his reverie.

“Huh?” He focused back on his sister and she frowned at him.

“Have you left you higher thought processes back in bed or something?” she glared at him, rolling her eyes. “You’ve hardly been able to put a coherent sentence together the whole time. Anyone would think that you had swapped brains with Shuichi!”

“You can leave any time.” Yuki snarled at her.

“Humph!” she sniffed. “Well, shall we try that question again? I did only use words of one syllable for you. Why don’t you go with him?”

“Now what the hell are you talking about?”

“Go with him!” Mika snapped with frustration. “You said that you haven’t got anything better to do so why don’t you take this opportunity to go on tour with Shuichi. You never have before so why not see what it is like? It would also give you more time to spend with him.”

“What the fuck have you been smoking?!” Yuki roared in complete disbelief. “That is completely insane! I am not some ‘groupie’ that is going to trail along with some pathetic boy-band! What the fuck do you take me for?!”

“Eiri, you are an idiot!” Mika shouted, jumping to her feet and glaring right back at him. “Stop thinking of your bloody image and try thinking about what is best for you, and Shuichi!”

“What the hell has that got to do with it?!” he shouted back, leaning forward so the two of them were almost nose to nose

“Don’t you think that Shuichi might like to see you take an interest in his work for once?!”

“Stuck with that idiotic bunch of people that he hangs with is not something I would ever do voluntarily!”

“Who cares about them?! This is about Shuichi!!” Mika had grabbed the front of Yuki’s robe by this stage and was shaking him in her anger.

“What makes you think that he wants me to even do that? He hasn’t said a word to me!”

“And why would he when you’ve never done it before?” Mika gave him another shake. “This is about trying to start afresh so get your head out of your arse and do something!”

“I am not doing it!” He slapped her hands away, stepping back out of reach.

Mika glared at him, real anger in her eyes. “Jerk!” she said sharply, turning and stalking to the front door, every step vibrating through the wooden floor boards so Yuki could feel them under the soles of his bare feet.

She turned as she opened the door and look back at him one last time. “You are sometimes the most selfish person I know, Eiri,” she said in a low but penetrating voice. “Why Shuichi wanted to be with you so badly and put up with all your shit is sometimes completely beyond me.”

She stepped out and, as the door closed behind her, Yuki heard her say, “You don’t deserve him.”

He remained where he stood for a moment longer, staring at the closed door, hearing those last words echoing around in his head. He sank into the couch with a groan, dropping his head into his hands.

Perhaps she was right; perhaps he didn’t deserve Shuichi. He was honest enough to admit that he had put his lover through hell when they had first hooked up. He had been so screwed up it was a complete surprise that he had been able to hold any sort of relationship together, but that was mainly due to Shuichi’s persistence and perseverance. His ability to bounce back from almost anything, his completely positive outlook on life, his utter faith and determination in what he wanted, were all things that had kept them together.

Without Shuichi’s presence by his side back then he didn’t think that he would have got better. He would have still been locked in the horror of his forgotten memories on a one way path to self-destruction. It was because Shuichi forced him to face his past, to conquer his demons, and give him something to strive for in his future that he had been eventually able to break free of the devastating cycle he had locked himself in. That had all been due to Shuichi.

And what had he given him in return?

He threw himself back in the couch and sighed. Well, he had given him the ring, and Shuichi seemed to have realized just how much that had meant. The idiot had just about been impossible to live with for the first few weeks after, he had been so giddy! But now…

He glanced down at his own bare hand. He had taken the ring off a while ago, back when he had thought that the best thing would be for him to let Shuichi go. It was safely tucked away in a drawer, wrapped in silk to protect it. There was no way he could have thrown it away. He rubbed his finger over the slight mark on the skin, a faint discolouration that showed that a band had once circled that digit.

They no longer had that sign of their commitment any longer. Shuichi’s ring was forever gone, a tiny molten lump buried amongst the rubble of the crash. Yuki’s heart hurt still to think of that. He tried not to think of it as some sort of sign; a sign that the two of them were over, that their bond was forever broken, lost.

His fingers tightened around his hand, squeezing hard, although he was unaware of the growing pain. No, he wouldn’t take it as a sign of that. He would simply re-forge those bonds, reinforce that commitment he had made to Shuichi. He would do it!

He yawned again, feeling weary. Gods, that visit by his sister had just exhausted him. He glanced at the clock and grumbled. There wasn’t much point him trying to go back to sleep, or even to just lay here on the couch for a bit. He got up, taking the still almost full coffee mugs into the kitchen before heading to the bathroom. Well, he may as well get ready for the day. He had some emails to attend to, some notes he wanted to make and also some shopping to do. After that he had Shuichi coming over this evening so he had better make an effort to clean the place up. It wasn’t that the place was actually that dirty but he did want to make sure it was all perfect.

He frowned at that thought. He didn’t particularly enjoy things like housework but he was house-proud so he did it to perfection. That would no doubt take the rest of the day.

He stepped into the warm shower. It would be good to see Shuichi again.

**********

Shuichi walked wearily into his apartment, dropping his bag at the door and slipping out his shoes, leaving them lying untidily directly in the hall.

With dragging feet he made his way to the lounge room, falling lengthwise onto the couch with a deep sigh. It had been a long day for Bad Luck, long and tiring and he simply had no energy left at all.

He glanced at the clock and sighed once more. It was late. He pushed a hand into his pocket and removed his cell phone, staring at it for a moment. He didn’t want to make this call, not one bit. But he also knew that he would be far worse off if he didn’t.

Another sigh accompanied him flipping it open and pressing the speed dial number, bringing it to his ear to listen to the rings. He was half wishing that it wouldn’t be answered, that it would simply flick to the impersonal message bank where he could quickly say what he had to say and leave it at that. The phone continued to ring and his hopes were rising that that would be the case but then there was click as the call as answered and his heart plummeted as a voice answered, “Yeah?”

Shuichi licked his dry lips and spoke. “Yuki?”

“Well, yeah. Who else would be answering my phone?”

Ah, yes, good point, Shuichi thought tiredly. He rubbed a hand over his eyes.

“It’s late. What’s up?” Yuki’s question came to him curtly.

Shuichi sighed softly again. Yuki was right, it was late. He had better get this over with. “I just wanted to call and tell you that I can’t make it tonight.” There, he had said it. Now he held his breath and waited for the explosion.

The silence stretched. “Why not?” was all that Yuki said.

Geez, Shuichi thought despairingly. Now he wanted a full explanation. “I’m….” Oh, how lame is this going to sound! He almost cried but took a deep breath and continued. “I’m really beat. It’s been a really long day.” Now the explosion would come, he thought as he steeled himself to hear the ‘Idiot!’ that would no doubt roar down the line any moment.

“Where are you now?” Yuki’s question was sharp but Shuichi was still surprised that there was nothing else added to it.

“Um, at home.” he replied a little hesitantly.

“Have you eaten anything this evening?”

“Er…” Shuichi thought about it a moment. “Actually, no, not yet. I hadn’t thought about what I would do about that yet. I’ve just got in the door.”

“Then don’t.” was the short response through the phone. “I’ll be there shortly and bring something.”

“Oh,” Shuichi’s tired brain was trying to curl up into a sleepy ball while the rest of his senses were running away screaming in terror at the startling turn of events.

“See you soon. You had better have the coffee ready when I get there.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

“Good,” and the phone went dead in Shuichi’s hand.

He continued to stare at it in shock for a moment longer. Yuki hadn’t seemed mad at all, he hadn’t yelled at him once. Perhaps Yuki was really tired too, he thought as he reluctantly sat up and stretched before making his way into the kitchen. Yeah, that must be it. Yuki was also really tired which is why he hadn’t showered him with abuse for cancelling. But that didn’t explain why Yuki was coming over here, and bringing dinner as well. Although, he looked at the time once more, it was closer to a midnight snack.

Ah, who knows? He made his way to the bathroom. It would take Yuki a little while to get here so he had time to at least take a shower and hopefully that would wake him up enough to try and hold a reasonably decent conversation when the other arrived.

*************

Yuki parked and looked up at the building, chewing on his bottom lip. The car was filled with the tantalizing aromas of what used to be Shuichi’s favourite dish which Yuki only hoped still was. Did having amnesia change your tastes? He had no idea.

He stepped out, gathering up the bags from the passenger seat, locked the car and checked the piece of paper in his hand. Yes, it was definitely the same address. He looked up at the building again, wondering which window belonged to Shuichi. He’d had this small slip of paper tucked in the back of his wallet for a long time, a piece of paper with an address written on it in Tohma’s elegant scrip. But for the all the length of time he had had it, he had never been here before.

He was now feeling extremely nervous about this visit. He had spent the entire evening pacing and smoking, waiting impatiently for Shuichi’s call. He knew that it was likely to be late, but as the hours had continued to pass by his smoking had increased. Had Shuichi decided to blow him off? Had he done something wrong last night and scared him off? He couldn’t think of anything, except maybe that kiss at the end, but surely that wasn’t enough to have pissed the idiot off?!

When the phone had rung almost close to midnight he had just stared at it for a time. Was it Shuichi calling? It was so damn late. Finally he answered it and his heart had leapt as he recognized the voice at the other end. Shuichi had sounded very tired, he could tell that even through the phone, but when Shuichi said that he wasn’t going to see him his hand had clenched around the hand piece tightly in anger. He wanted to see Shuichi!

That was when he had made his decision. If Shuichi wouldn’t come to him, he would go to Shuichi. He would see Shuichi this night!

He watched the numbers on the doors he passed, looking for the one that matched that on the paper in his hand. Ah, there it was. He checked again. Yes, it definitely was it.

He shoved the paper into his jacket pocket, moved the weight of the bag in his other hand a little, then raised his hand to knock. It hesitated just a moment as his own inner nervousness tried to make up its mind whether he should go in or just walk away. Pressing his lips together tightly into a thin line as his brows drew down into a frown he rapped on the door sharply before taking a step back to wait.

He didn’t have long before he heard the click and the door swung open to reveal Shuichi.

He saw Shuichi look up at him, a small smile on his face. “Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” Yuki replied in kind.

Shuichi stepped back and beckoned him forward. “Thanks for coming over. You didn’t have to since it’s so late.”

Yuki slipped out of his shoes and turned to face Shuichi. He does look tired, he thought, taking note of the weary expression on the other’s face.

“Come in,” Shuichi stepped further into the apartment and Yuki followed, glancing around.

It was a simple place, rather elegantly styled as well which surprised him. He always thought of Shuichi as being a messy whirlwind for some reason, yet when he thought about it even when they were living together he really hadn’t been. Sure, he tended to leave stuff around a little more than Yuki did but that was more because he just had more stuff. He actually wasn’t a really messy person at all. And the soothing décor was probably just the thing that Shuichi would need after long days of working.

He turned back to where Shuichi was clattering in the small kitchen, placing bowls on the counter so he made his way over there and put the bag on the top, reaching in to remove the three take-away packs of food he had bought.

He saw Shuichi’s tired eyes light up with delight as he opened each and his smile turned greedy.

“Yummy!” he exclaimed reaching quickly for the first and scooping some of the contents liberally into the bowl before him. “This is just what I need!” He belatedly realized that he wasn’t acting the best as a host and looked quickly up at Yuki. “Oh, sorry!. Here I’ll dish yours out too. Just say when.”

“That’s enough.” Yuki stopped him from completely filling his dish so nothing else would fit. “You can have the rest.”

“Great!” Shuichi didn’t wait for a second invite and almost dumped the rest of the container into his dish. Yuki could swear he could see drool gathering in the corner of Shuichi’s mouth as he lifted the bowl to his face and inhaled deeply, eyes closing in bliss. “Oh, this is heavenly!”

Yuki reached out and began to scoop out some from the other containers also as Shuichi hugged his food in ecstasy for a moment longer before noticing what was going on. “Hey, you’re my guest! You’re supposed to let me do that!”

Yuki raised an eyebrow at him and continued what he was doing. “I couldn’t bear to break up such a happy couple,” he drawled. “I was just waiting to see if you were going to propose to it.”

Shuichi stuck his tongue out as he picked up his chopsticks. “Yeah, right. It’s not like you haven’t got enough on your plate!” which was complete true as Yuki was just as hungry.

“Maybe, but you don’t see me swooning over it.”

Shuichi made his way into the sitting area and sat on the couch, already bringing food to his mouth. He chewed for a moment as Yuki joined him. “Just because I appreciate good food.” he finally replied before shoveling some more in.

Yuki just snorted at him and began to eat just as quickly.

There was silence for a moment, broken only by the soft slurping as noodles were sucked up and the clicking of chopsticks against the inside of the bowl as they searched for the last morsels. Finally two bowls were placed on the low table before them, completely bare of any sign of having once been filled to overflowing.

“Ah, that was so good!” Shuichi exclaimed, leaning back and patting his full stomach. He let out a deep satisfied sigh. “Just perfect!”

“You’re going to be sick later.” Yuki said calmly, wiping his mouth elegantly.

Shuichi looked over at him. “Not on your life! There’s no way food like that is going to make me ill.” He suddenly yawned widely then gave a sheepish smile. “Though I think it will put me to sleep so I can digest it!”

“Hmm,” Yuki responded, actually trying to suppress a yawn of his own. It was late after all and he had had a busy day.

“Hey!” Shuichi’s voice broke into his thoughts. “You can smoke if you want, you know.”

He saw Shuichi pointing to the table in front of them and it was now that he noticed an ashtray set at one corner. He looked back up at Shuichi who was grinning back at him.

“I put it out earlier when you said you were coming. I knew you would die if you couldn’t have a cigarette at some stage!”

“Humph!” was all he said as he immediately reached for his cigarettes and lighter. He inhaled deeply, drawing the nicotine into his lungs and feeling himself relax a little, leaning back further on the couch, throwing one arm casually across the back as he looked around the room.

“So what do you think?” Shuichi asked him, noticing his scrutiny.

“Not bad,” was all Yuki said.

Shuichi rolled his eyes. “You know it looks good,” he said a little defiantly. “Anyway, I like it so that’s all that matters.”

“Yeah, there is that.” Yuki tried to suppress the irrational spurt of anger that Shuichi didn’t seem to care about his opinion but he was completely correct. Yuki’s opinion really didn’t count in this at all.

Yuki didn’t know how he felt being here. This was the first time he had come to Shuichi’s apartment and in many ways it was just an apartment, nothing special. Yet, it made him very uncomfortable. For some reason it felt so wrong for them both to be sitting here in this place. He kept finding himself turning his head and expecting to see his own place, his own things. He kept expecting to see Shuichi sitting on his couch, in his lounge room, in his apartment. It just seemed so wrong.

“Did you actually do the decorating?” he finally asked Shuichi, still smoking.

“Yeah, though with some help at times.” Shuichi admitted. “I did some really crazy things to start with!” He grinned at Yuki, drawing his feet up and curling into the corner of the couch so he could face the other, an action that was so heart-wrenchingly familiar that Yuki nearly forgot to exhale the lungful of smoke he was holding. “I tried all sorts of styles and colours at first, using all these things that I thought I would really like to have, only to find that I didn’t!” He laughed at himself, running a hand through his hair. “It wasn’t that I didn’t like all those things, I just found that it didn’t seem to be what I wanted to live with.” He looked around his room fondly. “I found that keeping it quite simple, with just a few touches here and there, really made me feel relaxed.” He turned his head back to Yuki. “Of course, it was only after seeing your place that I realized that that was probably why!”

Yuki frowned at him. “What do you mean?” He reached out and tapped some ash away before sitting back.

“Haven’t you noticed?” Shuichi looked a little surprised and then grinned broadly. “Geez, you are so unobservant! Have a good look around you.”

Yuki let his gaze travel around the room, trying to figure out what Shuichi was attempting to point out to him and failing to grasp it. He saw Shuichi shake his head out of the corner of his eye and turned back to him.

“Yuki, I set this place up almost exactly the same way yours is! Don’t you see? Even though I couldn’t remember any of it, or thought I didn’t, my subconscious must have so it made me create the same setting that I used to live in.”

Surprised Yuki looked again and now he could see it. The way the furniture was arranged was almost the same, and it wasn’t that it couldn’t have been set out differently. Shuichi was right. He had made this place an almost exact copy of Yuki’s apartment. He couldn’t help but wonder if the bedroom was the same also.

He looked down at the couch he was sitting on and noted something else also. “You even chose the same colour for this.” He stated, running his hand lightly over the material.

Shuichi looked as well. “Yeah, I guess I did. That was probably why it jumped out at me so strongly when I was at your place that you had changed it. In my mind I had been expecting to see the same old couch there, just like this one.”

Yuki was startled to see the forlorn expression on Shuichi’s face. Had it really been so upsetting for him when he had seen that Yuki had changed the couch?

He cleared his throat. “It was something that I had to do at the time.” He said a little gruffly.

Shuichi looked up. “Had it got broken or something?” he asked.

Yuki shook his head. “No.” He took a deep inhalation and then blew the smoke away. “It was just….difficult to have it there.”

“I don’t understand.”

Damn it, Yuki growled to himself, feeling his face heating. The idiot’s going to make him actually say it! He leant over and forcefully stubbed the cigarette out, refusing to look at Shuichi.

“I didn’t like having it there any more. It was too…painful to see it.”

Yuki remained leaning forward, elbows resting on spread knees, intently examining the wooden floorboards between his feet. The silence stretched between them but he couldn’t look up. It was just too god-damn embarrassing.

“Do you mean,” Shuichi finally broke the stillness. “That it was painful because you disliked the fact that I used to sleep there?”

“What?!” Yuki’s head shot up and he glared over at Shuichi in real anger. “Don’t be a fucking moron!” he snarled at him. “What the hell made you think that was it?!”

Shuichi jerked back a little away from Yuki’s obvious ire but spoke up strongly, frowning back at him. “Well, I don’t know do I?!” he shouted back. “You never tell me anything! All I know is that I turn up at your place after all that time, the place I used to live and you just casually tell me that you got rid of it! What am I supposed to think?!”

Yuki scrubbed his hands through his hair. “You are such a moron!”

“Don’t call me a moron!”

“Fine then! Jerk!”

“And don’t call me a jerk either, you dumbass!”

“Idiot!”

“Bastard!”

They glared at each other from opposite ends of the couch, both leaning slightly forward with one arm outstretched when they suddenly realized that their hands were actually touching, fingers almost entwined. They dropped their gaze down almost simultaneously before looking up. As their eyes met they both flushed and snatched their hands away, retreating to their corners once more.

They sat there for a moment and then both snuck a peek at the other, meeting eyes once more. Shuichi was the first to begin to giggle at the situation and Yuki couldn’t stop the corner of his mouth twitching in response although he was able to restrain his laughter whereas his partner couldn’t for Shuichi was soon hugging himself with laughter.

“Okay, okay,” Yuki muttered reaching for another cigarette. At least that would keep his hand occupied so it wouldn’t reach out and capture Shuichi’s which is exactly what he wanted to do. “That was stupid of us both.” he grudgingly admitted.

“Yep!” Shuichi agreed, wiping away tears, still smiling broadly. “Are we pathetic or what?”

“Humph!”

“So,” Shuichi took a deep breath. “So you’re saying that isn’t why you got rid of the couch?”

Yuki glared at him. “What is with you and that fucking couch?” he growled.

“Because it is important to me to know,” Shuichi said, his face completely serious. He fixed Yuki with his amethyst stare, those large eyes gazing back at him steadily.

Yuki let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes briefly. He knew that look. He would get no peace at all if he didn’t answer properly so it was better to just get it over with.

He turned his head away, not able to look at the other as he bared his soul. “I got rid of the fucking thing because it fucking hurt to see it there without you!” he grated out, each word sounding like it was being pulled from his mouth under great duress.

He refused to turn around as the silence extended, the cigarette between his fingers slowly burning down.

“So you really did miss me?” He heard Shuichi ask quietly from behind.

“Yeah,” he almost whispered, still not turning.

“Okay,” and a quiet touch to the back of his hand startled him so his head did swing round to see Shuichi’s smiling face. “That’s good to know.”

Yuki frowned at him, trying to prevent the tears that were prickling his eyes from falling. “Happy now?” he growled, turning to stub out the now burnt down cigarette.

Shuichi grinned back at him brightly. “Yep! Absolutely!”

“Idiot!” This time Shuichi just kept grinning at him.

“And you’re still a jerk!” was his quick comeback.

He saw Shuichi glance at the clock and realised how much later it was. Damn, he would have to go. He didn’t want to. It seemed that they were just starting to get somewhere but he knew Shuichi would have a big day tomorrow. The tour departure date was looming ever closer and Bad Luck had to be ready to go at full throttle and hit the boards running.

He stood and stretched. “I’m going,” he stated, making his way to the door.

“Oh!” Shuichi was startled by the sudden movement and scrambled off the couch, following quickly. “Well, thanks again for coming over.” He said as Yuki slipped on his shoes and opened the door. “And thanks for the food. I appreciate it.”

“No problem,” Yuki said calmly. “Knowing you, you would have just eaten junk food otherwise.”

Shuichi grinned at him and shrugged. “Probably! But you do know I like your home cooking the best!”

Yuki paused for a moment and then quickly said, “So why don’t you come over tomorrow night? I’ll cook this time.”

“It could be really late again though.” Shuichi said a little uncertainly. He really did want to go but he hated imposing upon Yuki like that.

Yuki shrugged. “It’s not big deal. Just give a call when you’re leaving so I can get started.”

“You’re sure?”

Yuki looked down at him with a frown. “I wouldn’t have asked you if I wasn’t!”

Shuichi held up a placating hand to show he didn’t intend to argue. “Okay, that would be nice.” Then he grinned again. “Although I could be so tired that I might fall asleep and drown in the miso soup!”

“Grow gills,” was Yuki’s sharp reply.

“Aw, Yuki,” Shuichi whined, although he was still smirking. “Are you saying you would let me drown? Wouldn’t you even try to resuscitate me?”

Yuki looked at him as though he were examining a rather distasteful specimen under a microscope. “Resuscitate?”

“Yeah, mouth-to-mouth, you know!”

Yuki saw Shuichi’s eyes suddenly widen as what he had said sunk in and he knew that he was thinking the exact same thing that he was.

“Ah, forget that for the moment!” Shuichi added quickly, waving a hand as his face flushed.

“Yeah,” Yuki replied as he stepped into the corridor. He turned around to see Shuichi standing in the door way. “So I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Sure,” Shuichi said brightly, although Yuki could still see his cheeks were red.

He paused for a heartbeat and then leant down a little, uncertain if he was doing the right thing but as Shuichi tipped his head up it gave him more courage.

Looking down into that beloved face, he wanted nothing more than to capture those lips with his own, to plunder that sweet mouth that he yearned for so much. But he also knew that if he did that he would not be able to stop there. That one sweet taste would make him lose all his control and he would ravage the body before him, sinking into those depths, reclaiming his property, taking back what was his. He would fuck Shuichi until he couldn’t walk and make his head spin, ensuring his mind was full of only Yuki and nothing else.

Looking down into that beloved face, he knew that if he did that he would lose everything and so he controlled himself, feeling Shuichi’s warm breath against his lips one last time before angling his head at the last minute so his lips pressed against the soft cheek. As he moved away he felt warm lips brush against his own cheek, trailing over the flesh lightly.

He leant back a little more, looking down into Shuichi’s shyly smiling face. “Good night.” Shuichi said a little breathlessly.

“Yeah,” His own voice cracked a little at the suppressed emotions. He forced himself aware, his cheek still feeling like it was burning from that soft touch, almost completely undoing his iron control.

He turned and began to walk away. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he called back over his shoulder.

“I’ll be there,” was the response from behind, but he didn’t stop and he didn’t turn for if he did either of those things, Yuki knew that he would not leave and destroy everything. There was still time. He could wait a little longer – although it was getting harder and harder.