The Killer in You

Chapter 59: Surrender


He wandered alone down the dark corridor. His steps reverberated against the metal walls, the sound creating an eerie, somewhat claustrophobic atmosphere. Which, considering his current mood, suited him just fine.

He got to the elevator and descended a few levels. When the doors opened at the main investigation room, Matsuda glanced up at him from where he sat in the armchair, brows raised in surprise. It was the middle of the night, everyone was supposed to be asleep in their quarters; only one man was always left on guard to watch the terminal and the shinigami.

“What is it, Ryuzaki?” the young officer asked.

Ryuzaki ignored him and instead looked at Rem. The shinigami stood in her usual place, in her usual slouchingly-limp position. She could stay like this for hours – unmoving, saying nothing, shut off; he suspected it was a shinigami’s equivalent of sleep. At first it gave them creeps – a big monster hovering like that in the main room was unsettling to say the least. Now they had mostly gotten used to it. Actually, Ryuzaki thought wryly, it was less unsettling than if the shinigami suddenly decided to take a nap, lying on the couch, covered with a blanket.

At the moment Rem wasn’t dozing. His arrival apparently had stirred her into attention. She stared at him, not even trying to hide the hostility in her gaze.

“Matsuda-san,” he said. “Why don’t you take the night off? I remembered I had some work to do, so I can as well replace you.”

Matsuda frowned skeptically. “B-but I already spent half of the night here, you know. I’ll be sleepy in the morning.”

“You can take a free morning as usual.”

“Oh?” The man’s face lit up. “Very well then.” He closed the book he was reading and got up. “Then I’ll be off.” Not waiting even a minute longer, the policeman retreated to the elevator, passing L on the way. Ryuzaki stood there, giving him a reserved smile, until the doors swooshed closed and the lift moved up.

He wiped the forced expression off his face and moved to the terminal. A comm connecting him with Watari’s room activated before he got there.

“What is it, Ryuzaki?” the old man asked.

Of course, Watari had his own ideas on keeping an eye on things. He stayed up almost every night, usually going to sleep in the morning, when the team began to gather. As much as it could prove very helpful, it definitely wasn’t good for his aged body.

“Nothing special,” he said leaning over the microphone. “We will talk later, alright? For now I am turning the cameras off.”

A momentary pause. Then: “Are you sure it’s all right?”

“Yes, I am sure. Take a rest, Watari. I told you not to strain yourself like that.”

Another pause, and then a sigh. “Very well, sir.” And the comm snapped quietly when the Englishman disconnected.

He stood over the panel, glancing down at it for an instant, still slightly hesitant, then he shifted his hand over the row of camera switches. Flicking them, one after another. He moved his hand to another, shorter row and did the same with the sound recorders. Until there was not a single device surveying the room.

He felt Rem’s curious glance on his back but ignored it. He turned and walked to the huge table in the center of the room. It was their main storage area. It was piled with various stuff: papers, video cassettes, CDs and DVDs – recorded and blank… two old boxes of donuts, mostly emptied. There was also a plastic container holding the Death Note. It was locked, but through its transparent lid the black notebook was clearly visible. Ryuzaki bit his lip, looking at it, then, taken by an impulse, moved his gaze to Rem.

“Light Yagami is Kira and Misa Amane is the Second Kira,” he said, looking straight at her. “There is no point in playing games any longer. I know it. Light told this to me tonight.”

Her only visible eye widened and she stirred minutely, but said nothing. He gestured at the panel behind him.

“The surveillance is off. We can speak freely.” When she was still silent, he sighed. “I see, you don’t believe me. How about this? You gave Light my and Watari’s names. He said you found a way to contrive the rule. He came to me saying that he is Kira and that he will write our names unless I give him the data of the convict and close the investigation after the 13-day rule is tested.”

She stirred again. Her face changed, distrust now replaced by understanding – at least he supposed so; he wasn’t too good at reading shinigami’s facial expressions. Seeing this, he continued:

“I am very curious why you did it. You repeated all the time that shinigami don’t help humans and it seems to be true. So why? Why did you contrive shinigami’s rules to help Light?”

She looked around, still somewhat distrustful. Her gaze slid from one camera to another, checking if they were really off. She once again glanced at the terminal. It seemed she really wanted to say something.

“If you don’t believe me about the cameras, you can check everything for yourself.”

“It’s alright. I believe you.”

He nodded, feeling a twinge of satisfaction. He stuck his hands into his pockets and moved to the armchair where Matsuda had sat. He leapt into it over the armrest and took a seat.

“So, shinigami?”

“I wasn’t helping Light. For him I wouldn’t lift a finger. I was helping Misa.”

He raised his brows at her, questioningly.

“Originally Misa was the human I stayed with. I care for her. I don’t think she deserves what awaits her once she is convicted.”

“How come?”

For a few more seconds she stared at him silently, as though still unsure whether she should talk to him. Finally her skeletal chest moved in something that might be a sigh.

“All your theories so far – about Kira’s identity, passing the ownership, losing memories, writing on the cut-off pieces of the notebook, all this is true. Yes, Light Yagami is Kira. Misa Amane is the Second Kira, and Higuchi was also Kira for a while. However it is Light who should be considered the mastermind of all this. Misa is just his pawn, just as Higuchi was. Light was the one who doctored the plan with clearing himself through losing and regaining the ownership. Misa is just a girl who fell deeply in love and tried to gain love in return.”

“That doesn’t justify her murders,” he pointed out.

Rem shook her head. “The reason why I said that she doesn’t deserve punishment is different. It is the impact the Death Note has on human psyche. It is claimed that finding the Note is a great misfortune for a human. It is so, because of that notebook they lose their true self. It makes them kill.”

He twitched, hearing this. The impact of the Death Note on human psyche… Yes, wasn’t it what he himself was suspecting? He had been thinking about it since he’d seen how Light and Misa both changed all of a sudden back then, when they lost their memories. As much as someone like Higuchi wouldn’t surprise him as a potential murderer, Misa completely didn’t fit the picture. He remembered the sweet girl she had been when she lost her memories. Sure, somewhat obsessive, trying to pose as dark (which didn’t work the slightest bit), but all in all she was just a young, cheerful, carefree, and completely harmless girl. Would someone like that kill a single person if something hadn’t affected them? It also cast a bit more scientific light on the fact of losing the memories. If detaching from the notebook was a psychological shock, it could indeed result in memory loss. He felt a shiver of excitement. To suspect it was something different than to actually hear it. To find out that his suspicions were correct was always his favorite kind of excitement. To find that this suspicion was correct… He leapt up from the armchair and started pacing, unable to contain himself.

“Are you telling me that the notebook owner is unable to control their actions?”

“No, I can’t say that. They do control their actions, they are not insane. There were several cases of people owning a Death Note in the past, and a part of them did resist killing. But it was a tiny part. Two, maybe three people. And I don’t even know whether it was before they initially tested the notebook, or after it. But most of the owners killed, repeatedly.”

He stopped and glanced up at her.

“You mean that there are cases of Death Note owners in the past?”

“Yes. Several.”

“How come history didn’t note any past Kiras then?”

“Because there were no Kiras before. None of those past owners came up with the idea that Light Yagami did. They killed out of personal interests – their enemies, people who stood in their way, people whose death could bring them profits, or simply people they didn’t like. Usually a few times during the whole period of owning a notebook, when need arose. In fact Misa and Higuchi also killed egoistically. Misa started acting as Kira because she wanted to meet the original Kira, and Higuchi acted as one only because it was Light’s condition for him to be able to use the notebook. Light Yagami is the first one who is using the Death Note like this. He is very… inventive, I must say. On one hand his intentions are noble. He is the only one who doesn’t use the Note for his private purposes. I saw what Higuchi did, I heard much of the others, and I can assure you, some people are really disgusting. Light believes that he serves a higher goal, that he is creating a better world. On the other hand, no one before him had become a mass murderer.”

“Yes,” Ryuzaki murmured, dropping his gaze. “A mass murderer.”

He felt a strange sting at those words, almost a physical pain right under his ribs. If Rem had said that the Death Note owners didn’t control their actions, it would have been easy. He could ascribe everything to the outward power, there would be no guilt. But as it was… even considering Rem’s revelations, it couldn’t be denied that Light Yagami was a mass murderer. The man he’d come to… love? was a mass murderer. If there was one true Kira, it was Light. Misa Amane on the other hand… L never doubted in Rem’s words about her, they matched his own observations too well… and in that case Misa should indeed be pitied rather than punished.

Just as this thought crossed his mind, Rem suddenly wobbled. A tremor ran though her body, shaking her skeletal limbs, and the projections on her shoulders started… falling apart. He turned to her, staring at it incredulously. It suddenly looked as if she were made of sand, too dry to hold the shape.

“Rem? Shinigami, what’s happening?”

The answer was even more surprising, uttered with something that looked like a smile.

“It looks like I saved her aft–” Her jaw fell off its hinges, her nose broke off, then her head and the rest of her body followed, crumbling and breaking away, until all that was left of her was the mound of dust.

He took a hesitant step towards it.

“Oh–” he managed. “What…?” He couldn’t even find words. Articulating seemed silly. What had just happened? What did those last words mean? Could it be Light? No, but why? How? And could a human kill a shinigami? Hardly possible. So perhaps… consequences of breaking the rules? He shook his head. No, guessing without premises was pointless.

He blinked when he noticed a little black object sticking out of Rem’s leftovers. It looked like… he came up closer. A notebook. A Death Note. Yes, didn’t she say that shinigami were carrying those things? Funny that it wasn’t destroyed with her. He bent down to it on impulse, but then stopped. If he picked it up, would he become its owner? He didn’t want to become an owner of such a thing. And even if he gave up his ownership he would lose his memories… wouldn’t he? He couldn’t allow himself to lose anything he heard here. Someone else would have to take it.

He scratched his head, wondering what to do. He supposed Watari was already asleep. What a luck, just when he’d sent him to rest… It only confirmed the words that the old man always told him. Every Batman needs his Alfred, every L needs his Watari. He snorted at the thought with bitter irony and produced the cell phone from his pocket. A moment later Watari’s somewhat sleepy voice sounded in the receiver.

“What is it, Ryuzaki?”

Ryuzaki rubbed his nose. “Watari, I am very sorry, but I need you here.”

* * *
When in the morning Light entered the main room, his father and Mogi stood at the table, examining some paper. They raised their heads to greet him, then immediately went back to reading. Ryuzaki sat at the terminal, typing quickly. He ignored him completely, but it was nothing unusual. Aizawa and Matsuda were nowhere to be seen. Aizawa usually came later, as he drove here from home, and Matsuda had a free morning after the night shift with Rem.

Light instantly felt the agitated atmosphere that hung over the room. At first he got nervous. Had Ryuzaki told them anything? No, hardly possible. If he had, they would have acted differently. They wouldn’t have just stood there, discussing some paper.

On reflex, he looked around. And noticed one significant change. Rem wasn’t in the room either. Feeling a shiver of anxiety, he came over to them quickly.

“What’s happening? Where is Rem?”

Mogi glanced at him from over the printout. His face wore a unique expression of stupefaction. Instead of answering, he pointed his finger at the table. Light looked down and only now noticed that there was one new container sitting in front of them. It was full of… dust?

“What’s that?” The moment those words left his throat he realized. It had to be… He felt his eyes going wide. “Are you telling me that this…?”

“Last night Rem… passed out, Light-kun,” offered Ryuzaki from his place, swiveling in his chair to face them. “I guess that’s the only way to call it. That’s what is left of her.”

Light’s heart jumped in his chest at the sudden understanding, but he forced the very proper surprise-mixed-with-disbelief mask on his face.

“Died? But how is that possible? Do shinigami die? Why?”

“We don’t understand it either, Light,” his father spoke. “We made a chemical analysis, but just like with the notebook, it is giving us no clue.”

Ah, the paper his father and Mogi were studying so meticulously.

“Where is her Death Note? She said she had one. Was it destroyed with her?”

This time Mogi’s finger turned to the container holding the first Note, and Light noticed that now there were two notebooks inside. Of course the container was locked. Oh well. Not that he needed Rem’s notebook for anything.

“So how did it happen? Why isn’t Matsuda here? He should tell us…”

“Matsuda-san wasn’t here when it happened, Light-kun.” L got up, poked his hands into his pockets, and walked over to them slowly. “I was. And all I can tell you is that she suddenly started falling apart, changed into dust, just like that.”

The detective stopped next to them. Those huge eyes that only now, in good light, were gray instead of black, met Light’s gaze and held it inflexibly.

“We should see the records then,” Light offered. “Her… death had to be recorded.”

“There are no records.” It was his father again. “There was a failure in the power supply when it happened. Nothing was recorded.”

“We suspect that Rem’s death has something to do with it,” Mogi added. “That’s hard to believe that shinigami might be… power supply dependant?… current sensitive?… but the timing is too perfect. Anyway, at the moment it’s the only hypothesis we have.”

Light nodded and turned away, unable to contain himself any longer. He raised his hand to his mouth in a thoughtful gesture, but that in fact only served to cover his smile. Power supply dependant… just to think what nonsense those guys came up with when there was no one around to direct their thinking. True, they didn’t have the clues he had. And for him the explanation was clear. Ryuzaki had come here to get the data Light demanded. He asked Matsuda to leave and turned the cameras off so that they didn’t film how he was copying the files. When he did this, the fate had been decided – Misa and Light would be cleared. And thus Rem saved Misa and died. Ryuzaki had to feign power supply failure to give the others an explanation of why her death wasn’t filmed. Period. Plain and simple.

Light felt his shoulders hop up minimally as a silent chuckle shook them. Without Rem, things were even more convenient. No more questioning, no more tension. Let alone, he got his answer in advance. He already knew what Ryuzaki’s decision would be. What it had to be. His heart was pounding like crazy, he was sweating with excitement. He didn’t know how he would go through the day with a straight face. His mind kept replaying his favorite thought.

I won!

* * *
Of course Ryuzaki came. When Light opened the door, he stood slumped in the entrance, holding a CD in his hand.

“I thought sending something like this by mail wouldn’t be the best idea,” he said.

“That’s what I thought as well.” Light stepped aside and gestured him to come in. Which L did. “Wait,” he caught the other by his arm, “one thing before we proceed.” And when Ryuzaki stopped, he moved behind him and slid his hands over the spindly body, searching it quickly.

“You definitely don’t forget about anything,” L commented.

“Thanks to that we are both safe. And by the by, I checked the room as well and will be checking it regularly, so don’t bother. Alright, you are clean.” He pulled back and held his hand out to L.

The detective gave him the CD without a word, and walked further into the room. He came over to the armchair and took a seat, curling in it. Light cast him a glance – Ryuzaki’s protective pose giving him a twinge of vicious satisfaction – then went to his computer.

The CD contained a picture of a middle aged man – his nerdy, nasty countenance making him the epitome of a criminal, a file with his name and some data Light didn’t really need, but slid his eyes through anyway, and an avi file.

“That’s the recording we got from the prison,” Ryuzaki explained from behind. “I assumed that you would want a confirmation that the data I gave you belonged to the right man.”

Light nodded minutely, glad that the detective had come up with it himself. Without a word he played the file. It was five minutes long – starting at the moment when the man Light had seen on the picture wrote in the black notebook that clearly was the Death Note, and ending when the death of the other convict was confirmed by the doctors. The clock, also displaying the date, was for all the time visible in the frame – the hour and day were of course correct. Light pondered over it. It was hardly possible that Ryuzaki had fabricated something like this within one day, considering all the efforts and risk it would involve and all the reluctance he would meet on the way. If the detective wanted to give him a confirmation, this video served its purpose just perfect.

“Are you satisfied with it?” L asked.

“Not yet. First we’ll run a little check.”

He quickly opened a new mail and attached the picture. Without a name. He sent it, at the same time choosing Misa’s number in his mobile. A few seconds later the girl’s chirpy, enthusiastic voice sounded in the speaker.

“Light! You called me again!” On reflex Light drew back from the receiver, as if it could bite him. “Light must love Misa-Misa very much lately, calling her every night like that.”

“Yes, Misa, of course I love you, haven’t I told you that? Now, I have a request for you. Check your mailbox, I just sent you an e-mail.”

“Yay!!!” she continued chittering. “Light is sending Misa-Misa love e-mails.”

Light rolled his eyes. “Just check it, please, alright?”

“Alright, alright, doing it already.” A moment of quiet, cheerful humming. “Got it!” And then with disappointment. “That’s only a picture of some ugly guy. What is it?”

“I managed to convince Ryuzaki to cooperate with us. That’s…”

He didn’t manage to finish, because a loud, high-pitched squeak sounded right into his ear.

“Woow! Light! You did it! You are the best! Soon Misa and Light are going to live together and nothing’s gonna part them!”

Since she couldn’t see him, he didn’t try to hide a wince.

“Yes, Misa, very soon. But for now I want you to tell me this guy’s name. It’s very important.”

“Mmm? Very well. It’s Hinzen Tomagoshi. Is that our guy?”

He glanced at the file on the screen. Hinzen Tomagoshi. Correct.

“Yes, that’s him. One more thing. Send me a reply with this name written. I want to check the spelling.”

He heard a quiet rustle on the other side, as if she shifted positions. “Misa is doing it right away.” Her voice sounded a little muffled; she probably held the phone with her shoulder. “Light, do you remember we’ve got a date tomorrow?”

Huh? A date? Oh, right. He completely forgot that when they talked yesterday, he promised to meet her tomorrow morning. He sighed heavily. Life was hard.

“Yes, Misa, of course I remember, I can’t wait for it.”

“Misa can’t wait either. Now. Sent it.”

“Very well. Thank you. That will be all. Goodn–”

“Huh? Already? Aren’t you going to talk to me a little? Come on, tell Misa something nice.”

“I will tell you plenty of nice things tomorrow. Right now I am really busy. Goodnight.”

“Liiii—” He cut off her whine, pressing the disconnect button, and sighed with relief. Why did she have to be such an idiot?

A window popped up on the screen, announcing that there was a new e-mail in his box. He opened it and read the contents. ‘hinzen tomagoshi. MIsa loves Light!!!!!’ He snorted with irritation. But the spelling was correct.

“You aren’t too nice to her, are you?” spoke Ryuzaki from behind.

Light slowly turned to him. “I guess I am not,” he admitted. “But she is annoying, it’s her own fault. Weren’t she so pushy, I would have treated her better. Now.” He crossed his legs, leaning back in his chair. “Misa confirmed that the name fits the picture, the video also seems convincing. That of course doesn’t mean that I am letting it go without any further checks. Also, if I see the wrong face during the test, if I notice anything wrong during the test, I am immediately sending Misa a signal. I hope you considered all that and didn’t try to pull any tricks with me.”

Ryuzaki closed his eyes and shook his head. “I didn’t pull any tricks. I assure you.”

Light studied him for a moment. The guy sounded honest. And Rem was dead, which suggested that he was honest. Light would of course take a closer look at the convict’s identity tomorrow, it should be easy with all that he already had; for now, however, he felt satisfied. Now was the night and he felt like doing something that had nothing to do with the investigation. He felt his lips curl in a smile.

“I am glad you came to the right conclusion, L,” he spoke. He received no answer. He didn’t expect any. “I hope you realize that what I said yesterday about the… other matter, I meant it.”

L nodded, eyes still closed. Light got up.

“Then come here.”

The detective rose as well and slowly came over to him, gaze cast to the side, avoiding him. Light couldn’t stop smiling.

“I’d rather you didn’t, Light-kun,” he spoke quietly.

Light frowned. “Why this ‘-kun’ all of a sudden?”

“It seemed right.”

Right? Light winced with an unpleasant feeling. The ‘-kun’ meant distance. The ‘-kun’ meant that L was shutting himself off from him. Light didn’t want it. He didn’t want L’s sulking. With a sudden rush of anger, he grabbed the detective’s twiggy arms and pulled him closer.

“Oh, so you are so unhappy with what I want from you, huh?” he hissed into L’s face. “Two days ago you begged me to do it harder, although you were just as certain that I am Kira as you are now. You are a hypocrite, L.”

Ryuzaki turned his head away.

“Two days ago I wasn’t forced.”

It angered him even more. This guy dared to oppose him. Defeated as he was, he was still against him. Ingrate! Well, Light would show him you didn’t oppose God. Light would make him agree. He shook the fragile body in his hands violently.

“You should be grateful that you are alive! You owe me that! I spared you so that you were in my perfect world with me. So that you could see me creating it. So that you could join me! I could have crushed you like a worm, but I didn’t. You should thank me!”

L winced. “Stop it, Light. Please, stop talking like this. You scare me.”

“I am the winner in this game, L. And you are my main prize.”

He grabbed the black, unruly strands in his hand and forced L’s head to turn to him again. He crushed the detective’s lips with his own. Ryuzaki pressed his hands against his chest, trying to push him away, trying to free himself, but didn’t put much strength in it, apparently aware that he wouldn’t be able to avoid what awaited him.

“Don’t resist me,” Light murmured through the kiss. “The more you resist, the more painful I will make it.” He bit the other youth’s lip, hard, drawing a gasp of pain from him. “You want this? It can leave marks. It might look very interesting tomorrow.” Only now did Light notice that Ryuzaki was shaking. He truly looked scared. Something inside him twitched in protest, but the other, stronger part got even more angry. And this anger was mingled with satisfaction. Oh yes, just look at him. The great L shaking in Kira’s hands, totally defeated.

He closed their lips together again. And gradually the resistance faded, leaving L slack in his arms, like a rag doll. Feeling this, Light released him and grasped the bottom of the white shirt, jerking it up unceremoniously. L allowed him to pull the clothe off, head turning stubbornly away.

He grabbed the detective again, pulling him into a fierce embrace. He knocked them over to the bed, landing on L, still kissing him. The other’s hands clutched convulsively on his arms, but they weren’t pushing him away anymore; they just were there, like a silent plea for mercy.

Light felt a primal growl in his throat.

I will show you, L. I will teach you. I will make you yield to my will.

He left Ryuzaki’s lips, tracing the line of his angular jaw and down his neck. His hand found the fly of L’s baggy trousers and fumbled with it frantically. Beneath him L drew loud, shallow breaths, and under his palm, Light could feel that his violent caresses didn’t leave L completely unaffected.

“Tell me, Light,” L’s whisper was somewhat ragged. “How many rapists did Kira punish? Does a rapist deserve to die?”

This made Light stop. He lifted himself over the other youth and looked down at his flushed face.

“Don’t give me that, L. This isn’t rape. You knew the deal. You came here yourself.”

“How many of those rapists do you think said the same? Should then Kira kill himself after he rapes me?”

Light’s jaw contracted as he felt a growl of frustration rising in his throat. That guy! For a moment he wanted to slap L’s cheek with all his force, he had a picture of it in his head, and then suddenly… there was distaste and his fury was gone as abruptly as it came. He pulled away from his would-be victim and got to his feet, looking down at him.

“Get up, L,” he ordered. And when the spindly youth reluctantly stood up, he went on. “Undress. You may stay in your underwear. If you need to go to the bathroom, go. I won’t ‘rape’ you, as you put it, but I am not letting you go. You sleep here.”

Ryuzaki heaved a deep sigh, his shoulders sagging in clear relief. He didn’t say anything, he just nodded and quickly got rid of his pants.

A few minutes later Light switched off the lamp on his nightstand and in the darkness found the skinny body in his bed. He wrapped his arm around it possessively. His skin touched the skin on L’s back, bringing the pleasant, cozy sensation he knew so well. He wanted to kiss L’s bony shoulder, but stopped himself. Now that his anger was gone, he felt somewhat ashamed. It was unlike him to act so rashly. Violence was never his way. It was just that L’s obstinacy was so frustrating. If he just went freely… Still, Light was surprised how harshly he had acted that frustration out.

“Ryuzaki,” he started, “L…” He hesitated, suddenly wondering. “What name should I use when we are alone?”

A slight shrug. “Whichever. I am quite used to Ryuzaki. Watari always calls me like that. But L is alright as well.” L’s voice sounded indifferent, flat, but at least it wasn’t outwardly hostile.

“I guess I will call you Ryuzaki then. Or maybe L, after all? Oh well, we’ll see. Anyway, I want to apologize. For my harshness. I don’t know what got into me. I am sorry.”

A moment of silence. Then: “Are you really, Light-kun?”

“What, you think that Kira can’t be sorry? I am. I won’t treat you like that again. And stop with that ‘-kun’ already.”

To that L didn’t reply and soon Light stopped waiting for it. He tightened his grip until they were positively glued to each other and closed his eyes. Slowly, the feeling of happiness poured into him and made him smile. Here he was. The winner. The situation couldn’t have been better. He would soon be cleared of all suspicions, he would be free to build his world, and at his side would be L – his most dangerous opponent who lost just by an inch. Just by an inch. This last thought made him smile too.