Bad Case of Loving You

Disclaimer: Yeah, not mine. With the exceptions of Tadame Sei and Reiji. Please don’t steal them. I may let you borrow them if you flatter me enough. :P

A/N: OMFG I am so sorry I haven't updated this story on AFF. I feel horrible. It's been finished for a while. I'm gonna go ahead and through up the final chapters all at once. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. You all were very kind to me. Thanks for a few who pointed out some grammatical errors. I’ll go back and re-edit that later. I appreciate you all giving me decent criticism. Oh, and sorry no lemon in this chapter either. Once again, no where to put one, but don’t worry there are other things to make up for it.

Chapter Eight

Once again Reiji found himself alone on a Saturday night in a busy gay bar without his best friend. Usually an occasional night by himself at a club or bar wasn’t so bad. He’d come to accept that Sei’s sexual appetite kept him to busy sometimes to hang out with Reiji. But never had Sei been in this kind of relationship with one of his sex toys. The uke was used to his friend playing around for a day or two and then coming back to Reiji. But Umeda had captured Sei’s attention and completely diverted it away from Reiji. It was upsetting and saddening to feel so alone with the added feelings of losing his best friend.

He felt like an idiot for blurting out his love confession to Sei like that. He had a feeling he had scared his best friend away for good. Sei was known for being skittish as soon as someone got to serious on him. Fear that he made things horribly awkward between them twisted his gut. He didn’t know what he’d do if he lost his best friend. For years, they had stuck together. If Sei abandoned him now...

A strong hand settled on his shoulder, making his jump and nearly fall off his stool. He swung his head around to Sei grinning at him. Instantly, a wave of relief washed over him. He resisted the wild urge to glomp his friend as Sei sat down next to him.

“I thought you’d be with the doctor tonight,” Reiji remarked casually as he could manage.

Sei sighed. “Nah.” He gestured to the bar tender to bring them both drinks.

“Why not?” his friend couldn’t keep the blatant curiosity out of his voice.

“We broke up,” Sei looked over at the uke with a smile.

Reiji could barely keep the relief off his face. “You finished it?” he breathed.

“Yeah, we were just sex buddies,” Sei shrugged.

“But that’s what you like,” Reiji stared at him in surprise.

Sei nodded. “Yeah, I did. Then I realized you were right. I was getting serious about him. I also realized I didn’t have a chance with him either. Maybe I would have been persistent otherwise.”

The conversation paused as the bar tender set down to glasses of beer.

“No chance at all?” Reiji took his drink and twirled his glass around on the table top.

“Not against the competition I had. I was out classed,” Sei grinned. “But I don’t mind to much.”

Reiji nodded as he took all this in carefully. He took a gulp of his beer and then remarked nonchalantly, “So it’s back to hunting again?”

“Nah,” Sei said with a rueful smile. “I’m done with that. I want something with meaning now. The doctor made me want that for myself. Just sex buddies can only last so long. I want something more permanent.”

“If you’re done hunting then how are you gonna find someone to be with?” the uke asked in confusion.

“I don’t have to go hunting. I know exactly where to find him. He was near me all along, I just didn’t know it at the time,” Sei replied in a sort of riddle.

Reiji swallowed hard. He dared to hope that maybe this was going in the direction he prayed. He kept his feelings in check though. There had been to many times he’d hoped only to be let down. He had become more cautious with his feelings. “Who is he?”

Sei shrugged lightly. “He’s an old high school friend. I’ve known him for years. We’ve always been very close. He was always there for me when I needed him.” He gave Reiji a small, sly smile.

Reiji felt his heart pound louder. This couldn’t be true. It was to good to be real. He hardly dared to breathe as Sei leaned in close to him.

“He was right here with me all the time and I took it for granted,” Sei whispered, reaching out to clasp the back of the uke’s neck gently. “Will you give me a chance to make that up to you?”

Reiji felt a sob hitch in the back of his throat as he pressed his forehead against Sei’s. “Yes,” he gasped. “Oh yes.”

Sei angled his mouth to the side and kissed his best friend in a soft, tender press of lips full of promises. The quiet little moan Reiji let slip brought a smile to his friend’s face.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to realize the truth,” Sei murmured.

“I would have waited forever,” Reiji admitted almost inaudibly.

“I won’t make you wait like that ever again,” Sei promised even though it was foolish. It didn’t matter, because he’d found what he wanted. He was going to keep his promise to Umeda to be happy. No regrets. He’d look to the future and hope.

H.A.N.A K.I.M.I.

Umeda leaned against the school wall of Osaka High, feeling somewhat like a delinquent teenager as he smoked his cigarette. It was lunch time for the students and time for a well earned break for the doctor. So he had gone outside for some fresh air. He needed some time to think about everything that had happened since last night. Why did it seem like everyone was slowly leaving him? Life never had been kind with him and the relationships he tried. Ryoichi had found someone and Umeda was left in the other man’s wake to wonder what had happened. His quick, fierce fling with Sei had been only sex at the start. He would admit, albeit, not out loud that he had grown attached to the kid. He had more passion than most people dared wish to have...save Akiha.

“Umeda-sempai!”

Speaking of which, thought Umeda with a heavy sigh. He looked up through his bangs to see the photographer striding over to him. He let his eyes trail over Akiha thoughtfully. Things between them had definitely taken an interesting turn. One, Umeda never would have guessed would happen only a few weeks ago. The blond’s hair seemed to shine brightly in the sunlight and his cheerful smile was a surprisingly welcome sight. Then again, maybe Umeda was just feeling lonely. Loneliness always made people look different. Made them act desperate too. Oh, God, he couldn’t be getting that desperate already, could he?

“Ohayo, Umeda-sempai!” Akiha stopped in front of the doctor.

Umeda sighed. “Ohayo. What do you want?”

The photographer shrugged and smiled brightly. “I sensed that you were in inner turmoil and needed me to make you happy.”

The doctor stared at Akiha in surprise. How the hell had he figured that out? Intuitive people were so irritating sometimes. “Sei dumped me last night,” Umeda told the photographer bluntly as he flicked away some of the ash on the end of his cigarette.

“He did?” Akiha was stunned. The kid had seemed determined to hang onto Umeda..

The doctor nodded, taking a drag of his cigarette. “He decided he wanted to date his best friend.”

“That’s good for him,” the photographer remarked. He was relieved to hear it. He had never felt ill of the kid. He had seemed like a good guy. But Akiha would always be jealous of anyone who caught Umeda’s attention besides himself. “Why?” he found himself asking.

“He realized I was never going to be serious with him. He finally decided he was done messing around, thanks to me,” Umeda answered.

“What about you? How do you feel?” Akiha asked gently.

Umeda shrugged. “I’m glad for the kid. He deserved better than to be a rebound. But I was getting used to having him around.”

Akiha pointed out. “I’ll still be here.”

“You wouldn’t go away even if I wanted you to,” the doctor remarked dryly.

The photographer grinned. “Exactly! So you always have someone to rely on!”

“Or abuse,” Umeda murmured.

“I’m sorry about Sei,” Akiha said.

“It’s alright. I’ll miss him,” the doctor admitted quietly.

“I’m sure he’ll miss you too.”

Umeda snorted and shook his head.

“What? I bet he will,” the photographer insisted.

“Shuttup,” the doctor said, but with no real bite to it. He turned to go back inside and paused on the first step. He hesitated before looking back. “Would you like some tea?” He had no idea what had possessed him to ask. Maybe he really was that lonely already. Or else that meant he just wanted to actually spend some time with Akiha. That thought was a little frightening. He decided to shut that away for now.

Akiha lite up like someone had just given him the best gift in the world. “Yes!”

Umeda turned and walked up the steps. He could hear the photographer practically bouncing with joy behind him. He sighed. He really had to be possessed.

H.A.N.A K.I.M.I.

Umeda didn’t know why he went that bar tonight. Maybe because it was such a strong tradition that had been up held for years that it was hard to break away from it. For years, he and Ryoichi had met here on the third Friday of every month. Sometimes one or both of them had missed a day but in the end they never went long without meeting here eventually. It was their place in a sense. The place was a meeting ground between them. The owner knew them by name and face and treated them with friendly respect. Now though it felt bitter sweet. It was hard for him to sit there at his favorite place at the bar. Everything he changed so much in only a few weeks. Sometimes it all felt so surreal and hard to believe. Especially when he was sitting here drinking like nothing was different. So it shocked him to speechlessness when he saw a familiar body slid on to the stool next to him.

“I didn’t think you’d ever come back here,” Ryoichi spoke first after several long, silent, and tense moments.

Umeda kept his eyes fixed on his drink. It took him another minute or two to find the will to speak. “I don’t know why I did.”

“Me either,” the fortune teller admitted. He took an anxious drag off his smouldering cigarette.

The tense silence fell between them again. This time it was stronger and fraught with uneasy. Umeda had no intentions of instigating an kind of conversation. Ryoichi had always been terrible at starting one–not to mention keeping it going. The doctor was not going to be sympathetic of that. If Ryoichi wanted to talk, he was going to have to put himself out there. Kami, knows Umeda had done it enough for him.

“I was hoping to see you,” Ryoichi finally managed to say.

The fact that he’d managed to say this was amazing to Umeda. He was not, however, going to let that sway him in to forgiving the damn man so easily. “Why?” Umeda spat the word out. He wanted to yell it. He really wanted an answer to the ‘why’ for everything Ryoichi had put him through over the years.

“Because you’re my best friend,” the fortune teller said quietly. He said it in that way that always gave away how embarrassed and uncomfortable he was. Umeda was glad. It was killing him to be sitting here next to the man after everything. Ryoichi shouldn’t be having an easy time trying to talk to him. “And I needed to apologize...”

Umeda looked up at him for the first time. He was surprised to find that Ryoichi looked as tired and run down as he did. “Go on then,” he refused to give any sign that he cared.

Ryoichi rolled his cigarette nervously between his fingers. “I’m sorry,” he said at last. It was so simple sounding. It wasn’t nearly enough. But Ryoichi wasn’t done. “I’m sorry for leading you on, for my selfishness, for my complete disregard of your feelings, and for everything else.”

Umeda felt an invisible weight leave from his chest. He suddenly seemed to be able to breathe easier. It was all he needed to hear. It didn’t mean he immediately forgave Ryoichi. It just felt like now he would be able to. It seemed possible that their friendship might be able to survive this mess. They could go back to the way they had been. Perhaps not right now but he could see it happening. That relieved him more than words could say. Umeda dropped his eyes back to his glass to hide the sudden tears.

“Why?” Umeda asked softly. He still needed to know the ‘why’.

Oddly, Ryoichi didn’t need him to elaborate. He understood what the doctor was asking. “I knew you loved me for a long time. You’ve always been my best friend, but I knew I could never love you back the same way,” Ryoichi paused for a moment. He was never prone to long periods of talking. It was probably part of the reason they had gotten into this mess. But Umeda needed to hear this, so he forced himself to continue. “I was selfish. I enjoyed the fact that you were in love with me. It was flattering and empowering. I liked monopolizing on your feelings, because it kept you close to me. But most of all I was afraid if I rejected your love, you’d leave me completely. I didn’t want to lose you.”

It took a moment for all of this to sink in. Ryoichi had never talked so much. But he was still hurt by everything the man had done. “So you dated behind my back, lied to me, and betrayed my friendship?”

“When you say it like that it seems so much worse,” Ryoichi sighed heavily.

“That’s the truth of it,” Umeda said bluntly.

Ryoichi looked away in shame. “I understand if you never want to talk to me again. I wanted to at least apologize. I can’t stand the thought of you hating me.”

“I accept your apology,” the doctor replied quietly.

“And do you forgive me?” Ryoichi asked hopefully.

Umeda shook his head. The fortune teller had always been so selfish. “I can’t forgive you right now,” the doctor answered straight. “What you did almost broke me. But I can’t stand the thought of hating you either. So someday I will forgive you but not tonight.”

“I guess that’s only fair,” Ryoichi agreed with a sad smile.

They sat in silence again for a moment.

“Can I buy you a drink?” the fortune teller inquired.

“Yeah, and give me a cigarette,” Umeda smiled.

The symbolism of normal between them fell into place like a well oiled machine. The two finally felt like everything would be alright between them. They sat in companionable silence, drinking and smoking. Eventually they began to chat again about meaningless things. Ryoichi would never know the hell Umeda had been through. Or about the college kid he’d used as a rebound because of the fortune teller. Ryoichi would never understand any of that. Where as, Ryoichi was careful to avoid any mention of his fiancé. An hour or two slipped by with feigned easy companionship. An under current of hurt was still there but they were good actors. They could hide it or pretend it wasn’t there.

“I heard you have a new boyfriend,” the fortune teller remarked.

Umeda glanced over at his friend and smirked. “Yeah, I do.” he lied. For some odd reason, Akiha popped into his mind. He banished it in shock.

“Who is he?” Ryoichi asked.

“None of your business. All you need to know is the sex is great,” the doctor replied, ashing out his cigarette.

Ryoichi shrugged. “More than I want to know. Though it’s a bit annoying to know that someone else is occupying all your time and thoughts.”

“You’ll have to find someone else to chase after you hopelessly,” Umeda remarked, a tad coldly.

It was beginning to get late, but Ryoichi had something else on his mind. Umeda could always tell that about him. The fortune teller was twirling his glass in that way that the doctor knew so well.

“Look, I know this might be a terrible thing to ask after everything but...,” Ryoichi hesitated.

“What?” Umeda asked a little worriedly.

Ryoichi twirled his glass again. “I’m getting married in a month-.”

Umeda felt a spike of pain throb through his heart, but he hid it.

“I want you to be there,” Ryoichi said quietly.

The doctor swallowed hard. The very thought of watching his former love walk down the aisle with someone else made him sick to his stomach. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Please,” the word out of Ryoichi’s mouth sounded almost foreign. “You’re my best friend. I want you to be there. I want your support.”

“Ryoichi...,” Umeda shook his head.

Ryoichi reached out to touch him but pulled his hand away before it made contact with Umeda’s arm. “I know it’s selfish to ask you. We’ve been there for each other for every major event since high school. I really want you there.”

“I’ll try, Ryoichi, but I can’t promise,” Umeda softened, feeling his shoulders slump with defeat.

Ryoichi sighed. “Alright.” There was another moment of long hesitation before Ryoichi finally clasped a hand around the back of Umeda’s neck. The fortune teller loved the doctor like a brother. He should never have hurt the other man the way he had. He leaned forward until their foreheads touched. He felt Umeda’s breath flutter against his face as the doctor’s pulse pounded beneath his fingers. “I really am sorry I hurt you.”

“Ryoichi, people are watching,” Umeda protested softly.

The fortune teller shrugged. “So what?”

Umeda let the tension slip away and pressed his forehead against the fortune teller’s. “It might have been easier to hate you.”

“I’m glad you don’t. Best friends still?” Ryoichi inquired.

Umeda smiled, trying to hide the sudden urge to cry again. “Always.”

H.A.N.A K.I.M.I.

Umeda stared across his office without seeing anything. He was to lost in thought to focus. When students came in for help, he worked on autopilot. It was perhaps the only time he’d never yelled while at the school. He didn’t notice the tense looks students were giving him through out the day. They seemed to be waiting for him to snap at any moment. His eerie silence was more disconcerting than anything he’d ever done before. Even Mizuki, when she dropped by, couldn’t get more than acknowledging nod.

Needless to say Akiha was totally put off when he came bounding in to a completely still and silent Umeda. The doctor didn’t even flinch or yell when the photographer threw his arms around the Umeda’s neck. That was when Akiha knew something was very wrong. It had been a few weeks since the doctor’s last big break down. What could have possibly happened now to cause a relapse? At least back then, Umeda had reacted with anger after a little bit. This strange, distant behavior was something the photographer had never seen before.

“Umeda-sempai?” Akiha asked worriedly.

“Hmm...?” Umeda hummed.

The photographer sat down on the edge of the desk facing his love. “Sempai, did something happen with Ryoichi?”

At the mention of that name Umeda blinked and seemed to come out of his daze a little. “What?”

Akiha patiently repeated the question but Umeda didn’t answer. He was quiet for so long that the photographer was about to repeat it.

“I met him at the bar last night,” the doctor’s voice startled Akiha.

“What happened?” Akiha asked with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

Umeda sighed softly. “We talked and made up. I didn’t forgive him. I can’t yet. But he apologized.”

Akiha felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He had been a little apprehensive that the doctor had repeated the same mistake as last time. Really, he should have known Umeda was smarter than that. “But that’s good right?”

“Yeah,” Umeda agreed distractedly. “I am happy about that.”

“Then what else is bothering you?”

There was another long stretch of silence.

“He wants me to come to his wedding,” Umeda answered finally. His voice broke a little as he spoke.

Akiha felt sympathy overwhelm him. “That was very selfish of him to ask.”

“It was and he knew it. But he really wants me there,” the doctor told him.

“What did you tell him?” the photographer couldn’t help but inquire.

Umeda dropped his head into his hands. “I told him I’d try, but I didn’t promise.” He swallowed hard before admitting aloud what was hurting him. He didn’t know why he admitted what he said next. “I don’t think I can watch him vow to love someone else. It hurts to much to even think about it.”

“I understand. You shouldn’t push yourself. I don’t want to see you hurt again. You deserve better than that,” Umeda scowled at the thought of Ryoichi. The man was unbelievable.

Umeda let his hands fall back to the desk and smiled sadly. “It’s hard to just let him go. I don’t want to.”

Akiha’s shoulders dropped in equal sorrow. He knew better than anyone what that felt like. He couldn’t condemn Umeda for it, because he was doing the same thing. Sei was right. He wasn’t any better off. “If you decide to go...if you want I’ll go with you,” Akiha offered suddenly. He didn’t know what possessed him to say that. But it had felt like the right thing to do.

Umeda looked up in surprise. “Why would you do that?”

“To support you. I’ll be there for you,” Akiha replied.

“I’ll think about it,” the doctor said, then shocked Akiha further by saying, “Thank you.”

It was better than Akiha had hoped for. It was enough.

H.A.N.A K.I.M.I

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