There and Back Again

They’d been in the orchard for hours. Ever had come to Light in the library that morning wearing his hat and coat, dragging Light’s jacket behind him. He’d mildly scolded the boy for getting his jacket dirty, but he knew in the long run it was fruitless to scold Ever. The child would do it again and again. It was his way.

“I take it you want me to bring you outside.”

Ever nodded in that solemn, serious way of his.

“Now, they were walking under the apple trees. Ever seemed to have a particular destination, so Light was simply following where the young boy led. He wasn’t sure why, but being in the orchard always made him nervous. He knew Ever must be sensing his apprehension since the boy kept glancing up at him and tightening his grip on his hand.

Finally, they came to a tree at the far edges of the orchard. There’s something strange about this tree, Light thought. Ever motioned for Light to sit down. As he sat close to the trunk, he realized what made the tree odd. There was absolutely no fallen fruit on the ground. Even if an absurd amount of small woodland creatures ventured out to raid the orchard, they wouldn’t focus on a single tree. Light frowned as he watched Ever staring up into the branches, nodding or shaking his head every so often. It seemed the boy was focusing on a particular spot, but when Light kneeled next to him and looked up, he saw nothing.

“What are you looking at, Ever?”

Ever simply looked at him and pointed toward the tree top.

“There’s nothing-”

He was interrupted by a notebook falling to the ground in front of him.

“What on Earth?” Light said, reaching out and picking it up to examine it more closely.

Pain exploded behind his eyes the moment his fingers made contact with the black material. He screamed as all the memories came flooding into his mind. He, once again, remembered everything. Finding the book, passing judgment over evil doers, meeting Misa and Rem, confronting L, seeing L, loving L, confessing to L, and giving up everything for L.

He remained there, eyes closed, on his knees drawing deep breaths into his lungs. He held tightly to the notebook, not knowing if he owned this one or if he would have to write a name. He heard the annoying chuckle of a shinigami above him, but still refused to acknowledge it. Instead, he looked to where Ever stood, trying to unsuccessfully to hide behind the apple tree.

“You can see him, can’t you?”

A nod.

“I want you to run as fast and as far as you can. Go to the house and stay away from me and this place. I know you might not understand, but I’m not safe right now. Will you do this for me?”

Ever nodded once more and without a backwards glance, ran in the direction of the orphanage. Light watched him go for a moment before lifting his gaze toward the heavens.

“You’re a liar, you know that?”

“I got bored,” Ryuk said unapologetically. “Besides, it’s no fun just hanging out in the trees. You’re always s good for some entertainment. I figured you’d be out here eventually.”

“You never intended to keep your promise, did you? You’re still going to kill me no matter what I do.”

“Yup. Not anytime soon though. I’m pretty sure you’ll be just as entertaining as you were before.”

“Oh, really? What makes you say that?”

“Well, that’s a new Death Note. New for you anyway. So, you won’t lose your memories if you’re not holding it. Plus, you’ve got two people around you with ready made shinigami eyes, so you’ll be able to get the names so much faster.”

“You forget that one doesn’t talk and the other hates me.”

“Yeah, not my problem. That will only make it more interesting for me. On a side not, I do agree with L. Telling her was pretty stupid of you.”

“No one asked you.”

“Oh, I should probably mention one thing. You already know I’m going to be the one to write your name, but this time I’ve added my own little twist. I’m so proud of myself for thinking of it. If you should fail to entertain me . . .”

“Yes? What?”

“Let’s just say that keeping me entertained is in L’s best interest,” Ryuk chomped down into an apple and chewed noisily. “Oh look. Speak of the devil,” he said before cackling.

Light looked behind him to see L running toward him. Light rose from his knees still clutching tightly to the book. L slowed down the closer he got. He saw Light, features calm, but obviously shaken if the grip on the book was any indication. Above him was Ryuk, perched like some grotesque vulture. L stopped five feet from them.

“Light.”

“L.”

“Kira.”

They simply stood there. For as close as they were, the space between them felt like a great chasm. Neither one knowing if they could cross it.

******

He didn’t know how long they stood before he spoke.

“Where is Ever?”

“With his mother. We bumped into him on the way to you.”

“He’s alright? I think I scared him.”

“I’d imagine so. We could hear you from the house. He’s fine.”

It was very gratifying to L to see the flicker of relief that passed over Light’s face.

“Give me the book.”

Light hugged it closer to his chest.

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll write his name,” said the shinigami. “And then yours.”

“Ah,” Li sighed. “So that’s the way of it this time.” L sat down upon the grass. “Whatever shall I do?”

Light blinked. That non-chalant attitude was not what he’d expected. Sadness, shock, dismay, even fury had seemed to be reasonable reactions. He’d been so sure L would be upset with him and if not, at least angry with the shinigami for lying. He looked up at Ryuk. The shinigami looked just as confused as Light felt.

“L?”

“Yes, Light?”

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing, Light. I am sitting here and doing nothing.”

“Why?”

“Because Light, I’m tired.” To illustrate his point, L lay down and turned his head to the side to continue looking at Light. “I’m tired of this whole ridiculous mess. Murder notebooks, bored gods of death, Kira. I’m done with it all. If Ryuk there wishes to kill me, then there’s nothing I can do to prevent it. All I request is that it’s not too horribly gruesome a death. Or, perhaps, you could be the one to do it.”

“What!” Light couldn’t believe what he was hearing. L couldn’t just be lying there, on the grass, accepting death . . . asking for it.

“You heard me. You’ve got the notebook. All you lack is a pen, which I just happen to have.” L reached into his pocket and extracted a single ball point pen. He stared at it for a moment and then tossed it at Light, who caught it between his fingers.

Light was dumbfounded. This wasn’t happening. L wasn’t there on the grass asking Light to kill him. Ryuk wasn’t above him in a tree, and he wasn’t standing in an orchard holding a death note thinking about all the good he could do in the world with it. He wasn’t thinking about being a god. And he certainly wasn’t thinking about how the only way to be that god was if L didn’t exist anymore. He looked at the notebook. He didn’t remember opening it, but there it lay, open in the palm of his hand, the pen in the other.

“L, what are you doing? Why do you want me to kill you? Willing victims aren’t any fun or very challenging.” Oh my god, he thought, did those words actually just come out of my mouth?

L smiled slightly. “There he is. There’s Kira.” He turned his face toward the sky. “Why am I doing this? I’ll tell you. I’m doing this because it’s easy. It’s easy for me to quit and it’s easy for you if I quit. If you kill me, the shinigami gets nothing. If you kill me, I’ll be able to forgive it. I’ve forgiven you already. If I were in your shoes, I can’t say I wouldn’t write a name down to save my own life. We are all human, we are all selfish, and we all want to live. And, this is only about life. Not about judging, or pretending to be a god. It’s about keeping one of us alive and at this moment, I am defenseless while you are not. So,” he said looking once more to Light, “are you going to do it?”

Light continued looking at the blank page before him. Was he going to do it? Could he? Did L truly want to die? Did he want L to die? He didn’t think so.

“You’re L! You’re can’t quit!”

“This L can.”

“No, you can’t! What’s the point in being a worthy adversary if you’re just going to lay there and let me kill you!”

“I’m not doing this to be your worthy adversary. I don’t give two figs about Kira. I don’t even care about catching him anymore. What I do care about is Light.”

“We’re the same!”

“Yes and no. He’s buried inside of you, he’s apart of you, but he’s not you. He sometimes claws his way to the surface. He did when he confessed on that rooftop and he did when he asked about Ever. Kira would never have confessed or cared if he’d frightened a small child.”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t have.” Light narrowed his eyes. “You think you’ve got us all figured out, don’t you? You think you know your Light? You don’t. Don’t you realize that I’ve always been here, inside him? The notebook only brought me to the forefront, but we’re the same. Light and I are one. I’m not some entity this book created. When you’re talking to me, you’re talking to Light. When Light says he loves you, I’m saying it too.”

“I do understand that, I do. And, while that notebook may not have created you, it makes you possible than you ever could have been. I also understand that fighting against the power of that book takes a great strength of will and character.”

“You think I can’t do it again?”

“I think I can’t ask you to do it again. You, Light . . . you gave up the world for me, misguided though that world may be. I won’t ask you to give it up twice.”

Light felt the notebook and pen slip through his fingers. His ears barely registered the sound they made upon the grass. He lowered himself to the ground and buried his head in his hands.

“I can’t . . . I can’t kill you. I don’t even want to anymore. I used to, but not now. Not to save myself.”

“You’d better do something or the shinigami will.”

Light looked up at Ryuk. “Don’t you have a heart at all?”

“Nope. And, while this dramatic little interlude is interesting, it’s going to get pretty boring soon. So, I suggest you start with the name writing.”

“No,” Light said softly. He watched L for a moment, his chest slowly rising and falling, the way his hair fell into his eyes, the way his fingers twitched when he was nervous. He knew what he had to do. He smiled, picked up the pen and notebook, and began writing. When he’d finished, he moved to L’s side.

“L, I want you to promise me one thing.”

L propped himself up on his elbows.

“What would that be?”

“I want you to promise not to tell me what I’ve done.”

“What have you done?”

Light handed the book to L. His hand trembled as he read the newly written entry.

“Light,” he gasped, “You can’t take this back.”

“I know. It’s what must be done. It’s the only way to end this all. You should burn it and the others. Ryuk won’t be bound to you after they’ve been destroyed.”

“Huh? What?” the shinigami asked. “What did you do?” He flew down from his perch and looked over L’s shoulder. “Hey! No fair!”

Light shrugged. “You win some, you lose some.” He looked at L. “I give up ownership of the Death Note . . . again.”

Light pressed his lips gently to L’s.

“I’ll miss you, L,” he whispered against the others lips. The kiss was soft, almost shy. L felt the exact moment the memories of the death note left Light. Light had paused slightly, but L took the opportunity to pull Light closer to him, deepening the kiss as he did so. Light pulled back slightly but L refused to loosen his hold. He could only imagine Light’s confusion. One moment he’d been under a tree with Ever and the next he was being kissed and held tightly by L. Light eventually managed to push L away gently.

“Not that I don’t enjoy this,” Light whispered, “but when exactly did you get here?”

“Recently.”

“Recently,” Light said raising a brow. “Really.” He looked around. “Where is Ever, L? And why don’t I remember you showing up here? Did something happen?”

“No, no, nothing happened. Everything’s fine.” L stood up, held his hand toward Light, pulling him to his fee. “Ever’s back at the house, where I suggest we go. I am cold.”

“It’s your own fault for not wearing a jacket.”

“I don’t like them.”

When they arrived at the house, they were faced with a very worried looking Alta. Her eyes flicked to the space above L’s head and sighed in relief. The hours had become years once more. She looked to Light and paled visibly.

“L? Wh . . . what happened? Light . . .”

“Later, Alta,” L said as he pulled Light inside.

“But . . .”

“I said later.”

“There’s no call to be rude, L,” Light said. “She was probably worried about Ever.” He turned to Alta. “I’m very sorry I lost track of him. I’m not usually so irresponsible.”

She just stood there, wide eyed and open mouthed for a moment before she realized she was supposed to say something back.

“Oh, yes, well, no harm done. He’s fine and has somehow convinced the other boys to build a fort for him in his room.”

“If you need any help . . .”

“I’ll let you know. L, I’ll see you later.”

L didn’t say anything, but tugged impatiently at Light to follow him. As they made their way to the stairs, L muttered, “Why must you be so damn proper all the time?”

“Why must you not?”

“It’s part of my charm, damn it.”

“So says you.”

L looked at him from the corner of his eye. Light smiled.

“Okay, it is. You win.”
********

October 31, 2005 (12:45 am)

“And that’s what happened,” L said before biting into a biscuit.

“Isn’t there anything you can do to stop it?”

“No, Alta. I’ve already tried.”

“Tell me what to do. I’ll do anything I can to make this not happen.”

She was not happy to have been summoned for this. The white shinigami narrowed her eyes before answering.

“There is nothing that can be done. All but the last rules are true. You already know this. A person can write their own name and they will die. As it is written, so it shall pass. You are not like so many of the other humans. You are not stupid. He wrote his name and now will die.”

“He was coerced! He saw no other way out of the situation! There must be some way!”

“Didn’t Light Yagami coerce many as well? Hasn’t he caused pain and heartbreak for others? Why should you be any different in that regard?”

“You’re speaking of Misa.”

“Yes, I am. She grows more despondent everyday, though I know you do not care.”

L nodded. “No, right now, I don’t.”

“Perhaps that is your folly and your own shortcoming. I will not say I regret I cannot help you. I do not. Perhaps this is truly the Justice you seek.”

Rem spread her great wings and flew through the walls of the Vault. L threw her death note against the steel that lined the walls, a scream of frustration echoing around him.

“This isn’t Justice!” he shouted to the air. “THIS ISN’T JUSTICE!”

“You’ve tried everything? Are you sure?”

L looked over the rim of his teacup.

“Yes.”

“And he doesn’t know?”

“Correct.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“He asked me not to.”

“Oh.” She rotated the empty teacup between the palms of her hands.

“I suppose you feel somewhat vindicated now.”

She looked up sharply.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Now, I will have lost someone I care about to Kira.”

“That’s not what I wanted. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

“What did you want then?”

She muttered something unintelligible.

“Pardon? Didn’t catch that.”

“I said . . . I wanted Kira to kill you.”

“How lovely,” L drained the remaining tea from his cup. “I suppose, in a metaphorical sense, he’s done that too.”

“L, I’m so sor-”

“No,” L cut her off. “I don’t want to hear that from you. Not now, possibly not ever. He is not dead yet. I still have twenty two days with him.”

**

L closed the bedroom door softly behind him, the slight click of the latch barely a whisper. The light from the moon was the only illumination the room received. After the events of the day, he knew he would be able to sleep for a few hours at least. The best part of his insomnia though, was getting to watch Light sleep, so he didn’t complain.

He shuffled quietly to the bed and bent down to pull back the coverlet when an odd movement gave him pause. He pulled the blanket down to see Light sleeping and Ever snuggled next to him. This will not do, L thought.

“Hey,” he whispered, poking the sleeping toddler’s cheek. “Wake up.”

Ever sat up slowly, blinking and yawning before turning toward L.

“You’re in my spot, little man.”

Ever smiled sleepily and looked at Light.

“Light . . . will be leaving us soon,” the little boy said softly and carefully.

L sat next to him on the bed.

“Yes, he will. I see you’ve decided to speak again. May I ask why?”

“She worries too much, my mother. Talking will help her, I think.”

“She’s worried before. You didn’t speak before. Why now?”

“I want to be able to say goodbye.” Ever crawled into L’s lap. “I’ve had a mother, three fathers, two grandfathers, and more brothers and sisters then anyone could hope for. I want to be able to say to all of you that I love and goodbye when you leave. I never had the chance to say goodbye to my first father. But, I can say goodbye to my third one.”

L was never one to care much for sentimental drivel. Nevertheless, he felt tears springing to his eyes and fall slowly down his cheeks when Ever spoke of saying goodbye. He held the small boy tightly.

“I don’t want to say goodbye,” L whispered.

“”Me either. But, it won’t be forever. It’s never forever.” Ever pulled himself out of L’s embrace and proceeded to pull the covers back over him. “Besides, he’ll wait for you. I can tell.” Ever then closed his eyes, yawned and snuggled once more next to Light.

“Happy Birthday, L,” Ever said before falling asleep.

L sighed and pulled the blanket to his chest. The little brat was still in his spot.
********

August 4th, 2002

Her eyes were the same. He’d been a little put off by that fact at first, but he’d grown used to them. He gulped the tea before him. He enjoyed the way it burned, traveling down his esophagus to his stomach. She called it his sugar sludge.

“You seem anxious today? Anything wrong?”

Beyond glanced at the girl. Had he been acting anxious? He was a bit more nervous about this one. She was so young, and her eyes . . . well, they reminded him so much of . . .

“No, nothing’s wrong. I suppose just being alone with you makes me nervous. I keep thinking your mother’s going to walk through the door any second.”

“Oh, that,” Quarter Queen giggled. “She always leaves me by myself. She has since I was seven. Plus, she out of town for at least a week. I think she has a new boyfriend.”

“Still . . .”

Quarter rolled her eyes.

“Stop being like that. You’re just my friend and we’re not doing anything wrong. It’s not like we haven’t hung out tons before.”

“You’re right,” Beyond said. “I apologize.”

They passed the next few hours companionably. She chattered on and on about her friends at school, the boy she had a crush on, how she hoped she got a cell phone for her birthday next year, normal teen girl nonsense. Beyond hated every excruciating second of it. Although, sometimes it reminded him or another’s teen chatter. He glanced at the clock. The drug he’d slipped into her drink would be starting to kick in. Sure enough, Quarter’s eyes were drooping.

“I’m getting kind of tired. You wouldn’t mind seeing yourself out would you?”

“Of course not.” Beyond stood up and watched as she struggled to her feet. She was swaying and very unsteady. Just as she started to fall, Beyond was behind to catch her. She looked up at him, blinking slowly.

“Something’s wrong,” she whispered before closing her eyes.

“Yes,” he said, knowing she couldn’t hear. “Yes, there is something wrong.”

He cradled her in his arms and held her for a long moment. This one was going to be the most difficult. He wished he had decided to strangle her instead of Believe. But, he knew with her, he had to shock, had to make a statement. Beating in a child’s head would certainly make a statement.

He lay her on her bed and kissed her forehead before turning to open his bag and cover the room with plastic. This was going to be messy and he needed to take extra precautions to ensure he left no evidence behind.

He was glad the drugs were quick. He didn’t want to hurt her, just kill her. Once more, he found himself wondering, were they already supposed to die, or had their deaths been sped up because they had met him?

All this just to get one man’s attention. L. Beyond knew, deep in his heart, that this was folly, pure and simple. But, he couldn’t stop what he’d begun. L, to him, was a harbinger of his own destruction. He imagined L was most likely a harbinger of destruction to anyone who loved him.

Only after he’d committed a murder could he admit it. He loved L, loved him because L was who and what he wanted to be. You could only do this for someone you loved. Loved him from a distance.

“God help anyone who ever truly loves L.”
********

November 15, 2005

It wasn’t until the sixteenth day that Light became suspicious.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

L looked up from his apple crostata.

“I wasn’t aware I was. Should I be cruel instead?”

“No. I’d just like to know what’s going on. You haven’t picked a single fight for a while. And you brought me here,” Light gestured around the small café’ they were in. “I’d just like to know why.”

“You don’t like Rome?”

“No, it’s not that at all. I’ve had a wonderful time.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“You’ve just not been . . . yourself.”

L took another bite and chewed thoughtfully. “Perhaps I have been trying to be more of a ‘people person’.”

“You? A people person? Riiiiight.”

“You don’t enjoy my company?”

“Ryuzaki, of course I do. It’s just I don’t see you ever becoming a people person. Besides,” Light lowered his voice. “Wouldn’t it be a bad thing for L to be a more social type?”

“Coil could be social, or Danuve, and Ryuzaki most certainly has been.”

Light sipped his coffee. “I still think something’s afoot.”

“I assure you, nothing is ‘afoot’. I simply felt restless and thought you might want to travel with me. Was I wrong?”

Light sighed softly.

“No, not wrong. I think I’d like to return home now though.”

“Do you miss them so much?”

Light stared at his hands clasped together tightly. Did he miss them? And if he did, could he even admit it? He’d never even mentioned missing his own family in Japan. Missing people, becoming attached to them, it was weakness. He couldn’t admit to a weakness. He hadn’t noticed when L left his chair to crouch beside him. L placed his pale hand over Light’s darker ones. He looked into Light’s dusky eyes for a silent moment before saying, “I miss them too.”

“Can we leave soon?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I want to get back as soon as possible.”

“Any reason for the urgency?”

“I can’t explain it. I just feel as though I should spend as much time with you and them as possible.”

“Even Mello?” L asked with a small twitch of his lips.

Light smiled, something he rarely did. Light smiling gave L a more victorious feeling then his solved cases ever did.

“Even Mello.”
********

A/N: Kudos to whomever can pick out the movie and the tv show moment. I couldn't help myself. I've already started working on the next bit, so there shouldn't be a huge wait. I'm seeing, at the most, 3 more chapters until the end which makes me sad, and also happy. I haven't finished anything I've ever written (aside from the oneshots) so it's exciting for me. What's upsetting me the most though is that I wanted a nice happy ending . . . and it's looking more like it'll be a bittersweet sort instead. Maybe next time I can conjure up the joy and joyness needed for a happy Death Note story. Enjoy XD.