Want it. Take it. Love it. Keep it.

CHAPTER 8
TWISTED

Since the start of his relationship with L, Mello had felt himself calming a little. He felt relaxed enough that getting top scores and beating Near didn't seem quite as important as it had before. So, with his thirteenth birthday just two weeks away, he was thinking mostly of finishing his assignments as soon as possible to go spend another evening with his boyfriend (L had scoffed at the term at first, stating that he himself was a man, not a 'boy', and they most certainly were not merely 'friends', which had made Mello blush at the time). This is why he almost ran straight into Matt, who was rushing down the hall, goggles flapping around his neck for once instead of hiding his intense green eyes.

"Mello!" Matt got out, before putting out a hand on the wall to steady himself while he caught his breath. Matt was certainly never involved in sports like most the other children. His antisocial nature often kept him indoors, so he was not used to running. Also Mello suspected that his friend had taken up smoking, since he often smelled like some of the instructors that had the same habit, and was always chewing gum or popping mints whenever Roger was nearby.

"Breathe, dude. That's extremely hazardous to your health by the way."

"Yeah, a good run will do you in." The redhead had finally caught his breath and was bouncing with uncharacteristic excitement.

"I meant the smoking. Don't you know how many people die every year from lung cancer and Emphysema? Where are you getting them from anyway?"

"Mello! Jesus Christ, I come to bring you the greatest news of the century and you're trying to out me in front of all these nice, honest, Roger fearing people." Matt paused, reaching into one of his many pants pockets for a pack of gum. He chewed the piece for a moment before continuing. "And I'm not getting anything from anywhere."

"Uh huh. What's up Matt? I have a shitload of work to finish before classes tomorrow."

"Maybe I'll just keep it to myself." Matt pulled his goggles back over his eyes (Mello had always suspected that they served as some sort of security blanket), though his friend had already read the signs of the bad mood brewing there.

"Just spill, now, before I kill you right here."

"You're amazing, Mello, but even you can't kill me with just a look. And you're smart enough not to do it in front of this many witnesses."

"My bookbag is quite heavy, and you're starting to piss me off. You should know better than anyone that I hate this guessing game shit."

"/Fine/. I just wanted to tell you that you scored over Near. You pwned his ass in almost every subject."

He could have kissed his roommate right there, if there wasn't an L waiting for him, just a flight of stairs and a fews doors between them. But there was, so he could forget this whole Near business, leave it until tomorrow. However, he had missed his friend, who seemed so very...proud of him right now. An odd thing that, considering that the other boy was supposed to be in competition with him. He suspected Matt was just naturally brilliant however, just happening to be third because he refused to put forth the effort. He'd obviously had never considered the position was of any great importance.

And Mello was right. Matt knew how much Mello wanted this. He knew how important it was to him, how much it hurt to see someone like Near, who never seemed to care much about anything always get the better of him. He'd decided a long time ago that he would would much rather be the best friend of number one, than earn the position himself (And Mello was exceptional beautiful, they way his eyes would light up due to a victory over near...). Besides, he couldn't see himself being the next L. Not in a million years. He was far too lazy for that kind of pressure. He'd never understand why anyone would actually /want/ to carry the weight of justice on their shoulders.

Matt sighed. Mello was spacing out again. Maybe he was just overwhelmed with joy. So he did what any good best friend would do. He grabbed the blond's hand, pulling him down the hall to where the scores had been posted. Final exams had yet to be finished, but so far Mello had crept slightly above his rival in scores this time around. By only four points but, hey, four points was four points. The younger of the best friends always looked forward to these times when the usually second ranking teen crept into first place. He'd memorized the reaction, it was the same each time. First came shock, which was quickly masked because of course the genius wasn't surprised at just how amazing he was. Then came smug satisfaction at beating the little 'albino abomination'. Finally, there came the sincere, tranquil smile of a boy who was for a moment, at peace with everything in the world. Something so silly like test scores brought so much /joy/ for Mello.

This time, however, the blond just shrugged. It was nice, but he'd managed to discover something that made him feel so much better. So much more...important. For the first time in his life, he felt needed. Wanted. And there was no competition so he hadn't had to nearly kill himself working to achieve it.

"It's really real. I watched Roger post it this morning. Must be all your extra work with L really paid off." Matt observed the peculiar, hazy smile that spread across his friend's features at the mention the codename. "C'mon, Mell! Why aren't you celebrating? Or chasing down Near to rub it in his face. Not that that's such a nice thing to do, but seriously Mello, I'll go get him if it'll wake you up. You're really creeping me out dude." Mello sighed.

"Matt, you ever think how it's kind of fucked up?"

Matt raised an eyebrow and frowned. "You and Near? Yeah, I guess. It's always been like that, though. You were fighting over whose was the best fingerpainting."

"No, not that...You do realize that L has to die for any of this to really matter? That's what a successor does. He takes over when his mentor is not longer able to fulfill his duties, either by retirement, or...death." Just the thought of it made Mello's pulse quicken and his stomach churm.

They all knew it. How sick it was, twisted even, that there were several kids competing to replace someone who hadn't even died yet. Someone who they lived with, ate lunch with, received Christmas presents from. Some of the newer children avoided the man when he walked through the halls. It didn't help that he already looked like the walking dead (not that Mello minded or anything). It was understood that this whole place had been created to prepare a fortunate boy or girl to take the throne when, not if, the great L finally lost a battle. There were children there who believed the man was cursed. They would not look his way, would not even sit in a chair he'd occupied. With this on everyone's mind, Mello and Near always fought their small battles. They both sought approval from the very soul who had to die for either to win the war.

"You never said any of this before."

"Well, I'm saying it now. I don't want to be L. I want to be w-" he'd almost outed it right there. He had to stop being so damned emotional. He and L had talked about this before, and strangely enough, it was Mello who'd wanted to keep their relationship a secret. L didn't seem to care either way, unaffected by the knowledge that most people whould not accept them. He took several deep breaths, cleared his throat. "I want to work with him. Then there'd be no need for successor." Again, his stomach turned. The longer it went on, the more terrifying the conversation became. Suddenly all he wanted was to make sure L was alright. To see for his own eyes that L, his lover (was that the right word? They had not gone so far as to make love yet, though the thought of it made Mello's spine tingle and his heart race), was alive and breathing, fully intact.

"You've been obsessed with this for years, Mello. I should know, I'm the one that's been on damage control every time Near beat you. A couple of study sessions and you just don't give a shit anymore?"

Matt wasn't stupid, and despite his lack of effort (much to both Roger and Watari's disdain) everyone knew it. They wouldn't have kept him at the institution if he was anything but brilliant. Yet for weeks he didn't see the signs. He didn't question why his friend was spending more and more time with their mentor. He ignored the way Mello's eyes brightened at the mention of the detective's name, all the while fighting the jealously that was subconsciously growing in his own thoughts, trying to brush it all off as something else, though he couldn't, for the life of him, figure out what..

A few weeks prior, the children had had to partner up for a science project. Mello's partner had been picked for him, since he and Matt working together often ended with disastrous effects. Some girl with the hots for Mello had been the lucky name drawn. Matt watched her try to sneak contact with the blond, 'accidently' brushing his hand when reaching for something, staring at his ass when he'd worn a pair of jeans much tighter than ones he usually did. Matt had decided a long time ago that he was indeed gay, though never before having a serious crush on anyone. It must have been true about absence making the heart grow fonder, since he seemed even more enamored with his best friend the more time they spent apart. The few fleeting moments each day that they spoke were both exciting and heart wrenching at the same time.

As of late, after it finally dawned on him, he had been working up the courage to ask the blond if he could ever feel the same way. The older boy seemed to be teasing him intentionally now, what with the tighter clothing, even going to far as to apply eyeliner around his cat-like eyes. He'd always been beautiful but, never.../sexy/. And Matt had dreamed that this sudden extra grooming could be a possible invitation to him. But he /knew/ it was for someone else. It hurt like hell but, deep down, he knew it. Mail Jeevas was anything but stupid.

"Do I have something on my face?" The blond frowned, running a finger under each eye, checking to make sure the liner hadn't smeared out of place. "Matt, you're staring. It's freaking me out." He waved a hand in front of the orange tinted goggles.

"You better head up there, he'll be wondering what's keeping you. I don't want to be the one in the way," he said, shocked by his own bitter tone. Bitter. That was a new emotion for him. Though he'd been experiencing a lot of new feelings lately so he really shouldn't have been surprised.

Mello layed a hand on his friend's shoulder. A gesture that had taken some time to be accepted during their long friendship. Matt had a thing about touching, much like a lot of the other kids at Whammy's. Why, was something Matt didn't care to discuss so Mello left him to it, fully understanding. There were plenty of things he'd rather not share himself but despite it all, he had forced Matt to allow such comfort, knowing his friend really needed it and was just denying himself out of stubborn pride.

"Don't touch me!" Mello actually flinched at his friend's unusually harsh tone. Matt was usually so calm, unfazed by the world around him. This behavior was so...foreign. Mello didn't know what to do with it.

"Matt, we're always going to be best friends," he tried but Matt just shook his head, pushing Mello back.

"It's not enough. I don't want to be fucking friends Mello," Matt seethed, but the innuendo was lost on Mello, who for the first time in his life seemed to be having what was called a 'blond moment'.

L had just made him feel so good about their relationship. He'd been assured that there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. Even where his faith was concerned. Now the guilt was back, but for a different reason. How could he have ignored the only other person who really cared for him, the first person to befriend him when he'd come to the house, scared, and alone, and missing his mother and father. And all because he'd been too involved with L. Now Matt thought he hated him, thought he was replacing his friendship with L's. He desperately wanted to explain how the two relationships were different, that there was no reason that they couldn't coexist without complication, but it was still to early to admit the truth to anybody. Even Matt. L had a reputation, and Mello could potentially be kicked out of school. If only he could smooth things over some other way.

Matt was so angry. Scratch that. He was fucking pissed. But this was so, so wrong. He may have hated Mello in those few moments, but he couldn't see him like this. Feeling guilty for something he obviously had no control over. He wanted to hug him and apologize for lashing out. That was the blond's job, though. He, himself hated initiating contact. Hugging made him feel claustrophobic, like being stuck in an elevator with too many people. He was also being selfish. If Mello was happy, then he was happy. At least, that's the way it had always been. The only things he craved were new games, new security systems to hack, and right this minute he really craved a cigarette. Matt sighed.

"Sorry Mello. I'm just being a dick 'cause I couldn't manage to sneak out this morning and have a smoke. Withdrawl's a bitch, you know." Matt exited the building, faking a smile and waving on his way out, leaving his friend very confused, with no chance to respond.

A thought occured to Mello, processing the redhead's final statement. He was feeling some of the very same effects, craving something he knew he shouldn't. He couldn't say whose drug would kill them faster, though he knew which was more satisfying.

By the time he reached L's room, Mello had almost forgotten the strange conversation in the hallway. Too much stimulus in one day had left him feeling ready to curl up in bed, though it was not even dinnertime yet. Maybe a small nap would clear his mind, then L might be convinced to come sit with himself and Matt.

Obviously, L had no intention of leaving the room, the blond quickly discovered. As soon as the door had been shut and locked his back was pressed against it. Five long spidery fingers were twirling in his hair, the other hand reaching to grab his ass. He'd hoped his appearance today would have this kind of effect, though was not expecting quite this much forwardness. In turn, he instinctively wrapped a leg around the older man's waist, bringing their bodies, their hips, as close together as he could. He wondered what his boyfriend had been doing all afternoon, he was obviously already very turned on. His own body responded, pushing his pensive thoughts out of the way, blood rushing out of his brain to assist the response in his jeans.

"What brought this on?" Mello managed to ask in between kisses.

"I was doing some research, and it proved to be rather...stimulating. Not nearly as stimulating as our current entanglement, but stimulating none the less."

"Crime gets you hot?"

L raised an eyebrow, more so at the odd slang than the accusation. He jerked his head towards the computer screen in response. There were several full color images of men similarly 'entangled', though with considerably less clothing, and also not nearly as attractive, Mello decided.

"You pervert. Matt has some of that kind of 'research' saved on his computer. Though I'm pretty sure they call it pornography." Usually this word brought blushes or giggles to the blond, but he'd lately been more and more comfortable with his own sexuality.

"Wammy's collection of books, vast as it is, has little on the subject. And this is not something I'd like to discuss with Watari." An advertisement appeared on the screen then, a woman's voice asking if they'd like to come visit her page, causing both Mello and L to look at the computer strangely before L continued. "Gathering the appropriate information has been a rather frustrating experience for me."

"I see that." Mello said as he wrapped the other leg around his partner's waist as L effortlessly lifted his nearly weightless form into his arms to support him, his back still pressed against the wall. The position ultimately solved the problem that their height differences made, as L no longer had to bend so low to receive the kisses the blond was trying to give.

"Mello is much less prone to embarassment these days." The detective mumbled against the boys lips, unwilling to separate for even a second. He was becoming aware that the friction their bodies made as their hips instinctively moved against one another was soon going to create an early, and not very satisfying end to his planned evening. All of his research would go to waste and that would simply not do.