Je Ne Regrette Rien

Suggested Listening: Come To Your Senses by Lesley Roy; Fallen Angel by L'ame Immortelle (I was listening to this on repeat as I wrote.... hehe.)

Chapter 7: Brackish

~Matt~

There was complete silence around me after I spoke. Honestly I hated how they all seemed to be waiting for me to crack, or acting like I couldn't handle it. Well, maybe I couldn't handle it... but there was no choice really, was there?

Watari looked ready to say something as L transferred the file to my laptop before playing it on the main screen. I wondered if he expected me to storm off after this. I hadn't exactly reacted well with the last video...

And if not for my royal fuck up it would have been the last video.

The moment the video began to play you could tell it had been edited, the quality was worse than before and I was used to spotting tampered videos.

Mello was curled up on the dingy floor, holding his stomach. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be purposely ignoring the people and the camera. He still had some fight in him. Thank god for that.

This was the last video that was taped in that location, there would be no new clues from this, unless they happened to leave a convenient neon sign with their next location. The screeching of the door came as well as the sounds of footsteps.

Mello's head jerked up wearily, eyes peering across the room. We couldn't see anything except Mello so there was no clue to what he was watching.

“There we go, like an animal deprived of food, his sense of smell has grown stronger.”

I swallowed harshly as I watched Mello unconsciously uncurl himself and sit up, eyes trained on whatever was beyond the camera, though by the captors choice of words is was most definitely food.

That meant they had been starving him.

I felt a pool of anger begin to grow deep in my stomach. He'd already had eating issues that he was trying to break himself of, that made him weak, and now he was being starved? I hardly noticed that I was crushing my cigarette between my teeth until the bitter taste of the filter hit my tongue.

“So detective, will you beg for your food?” Mello froze, in his half seated position, as if finally noticing what he had been doing. When had they started depriving him of food if he was already at this stage?

Mello gave a soft gravelly cough before answering. His response neither made me feel happiness nor sadness. “No. I'd rather starve.” his captor laughed, though they were still off camera.

On one hand it proved they hadn’t broken him, on the other, his treatment could be worse because of it.

“You say that now, but you will cave. Your primal survival instinct will override your senses and make the decision for you.” Mello's fists clenched tightly by his sides and he seemed to be struggling with something before he turned his back to them.

A slight skip in the tape showed the food, previously out of the camera's reach, now closer to Mello. Every few seconds his eyes would flicker to the food before he seemingly tore them away from the sight.

I knew that this was taking place over hours or even days, but to see him like this...

The tape skipped again and the food was even closer. I was practically chewing on my cigarette at this point.

“You win...” he whispered. I ground my teeth together. But I couldn't find it in myself to be angry. He needed the food, and I knew the only reason he'd held on as long as he did was because of me.

He didn't want me to see him like this.

“What was that?” a second voice asked.

“I said you win. I want... I need... please let me eat.” he bowed his head, letting his hair hide his expression.

But I was seeing him like this.

“I don't know, it doesn’t really sound like you want it.” the second voice, a woman I think, laughed. I saw Mello's shoulders sag ever so slightly, not enough for others to notice, in defeat.

He forced himself onto his knees and began to crawl over to them; from there I could see a manacle on his left foot dragging behind him.

His arms quivered, looking like they might just give out on him as he continued to crawl.

“Please...?” Mello's shoulders shook and I prayed he wouldn't crumple to the ground, it would please them far too much.

“Good boy.” his captor laughed and patted him on the head. I had never been one to want to kill anyone for any reason but right now if I had a gun, and I found them, I wouldn't hesitate.

Mello had a slightly manic glint in his eyes as he was finally given the food and I winced as he tore into the soft pastry and devoured it like a starved animal.

“Is everyone watching this? This will happen to all of you who stand in our way. We will slowly break you. We will destroy you. And then we will rewrite justice. We are coming for you L.” the last part I wondered about, we were the only ones to have the tape, so why say 'everyone'?

The tape ended after that and I pulled the abused cigarette from my mouth and tossed it in my cold coffee. I honestly wasn't sure how to react to this tape. It was in a way, less violent than the last. Cruel, but less violent. He hadn't been beaten or almost drowned in this.

But how would Mello see it? Would he have preferred those to the lingering hunger? To the humiliation he had endured for a small bite of food....

“The actual tape is being tested for fingerprints, as is the rest of the house. Though by how thorough they were I doubt any will be found.” L's stated quietly while half chewing on his thumb.

So that was it?

We we're back to square one?

How fucking fantastic.

“Matt?” I turned my head to Watari questioningly. He didn't say anything, but gestured to my hand. Apparently, I had been digging my fingers into the coffee cup. If it were made of anything less than ceramic it probably would have cracked.

Funny, I couldn't even feel it.

Standing up, after detangling my fingers from the cup, I walked over to the door. “I'll be back later.” I didn't really care what they thought I would be doing in my room, though I could guarantee they wouldn't be right.

I was going to call someone who I should have called more than a week ago. Someone who was going to be pissed. Though in my defense, I had been preoccupied.

Merely shutting my door, as I had nothing to hide with this call, I searched around the room until I found my deserted cell phone. There were no missed calls and by that alone I knew it would be an interesting conversation.

Dialing the familiar number I let it ring longer than six times as I lit yet another cigarette. I would need more soon, I was already on my emergency pack. And I had brought a lot.

“Well look who finally decided to call. What do you want J?” before this call, I had decided to be patient with him, but it all went out the window at his tone. And not all the nicotine in the world could have stopped me.

“Fuck you! I'm sorry calling you wasn't on my fucking to do list but I was preoccupied with searching for Mello!” there was a small bout of silence before Jasper snorted into the phone.

“You couldn't take five minutes to call? Oh, and bang up job you did of finding him. The second video was just released on the web.” so that's what they had meant by 'everyone'.

“Yes, what a great fucking job I did. I know. If I had taken a closer look at the first broadcast than L's agents wouldn't have just walked into an abandoned mansion, one that until two days ago held the Organization and Mello.” I was shouting by now, and I honestly didn't care who heard me at this point.

“Can we get passed my awesome fuckup and maybe talk some business?” I ripped my goggles off and threw them into the wall and ignored the angry tears that fell. Call it a delayed reaction...

“Matt I-”

“Don't. Let's just get on with the conversation.” I heard Jasper give a tiny, shaky, sigh. I took it as a sign to continue. Sitting heavily on the bed and hunching over, I wiped at my eyes and took a deep breath. I was a complete mess, falling apart, at the worst of times.

“How have you been doing on your own search for him?” it would have been idiotic to assume that Jasper wasn't looking. He may not have the resources we have, but he did know a different set of people. And at this point I would have worked with jack the ripper if it meant finding Mello.

“Not far, but it's only been a week. And I’m about to go to one of my least favorite people and ask for help. God knows what he'll want as a favor. But considering it's Mello he might do it for free.” the last part sparked my anger again. There were so many things I still didn't know about Mello's past.

There were only so many things L had documented, and I doubt even he had the full story of what went on in those days.

“Matt, you said your found their previous hideout, where was it?” I wasn't sure how that was relevant now but I told him anyway.

“Off the coast of Spain. I'll send you the exact coordinates when I get back to my laptop.”

“It's more information than we had before. Maybe the location will prove to be a clue in itself.” if Jasper were in front of me right now I bet he would have been shrugging a shoulder. I would much rather be working with him than L. At least with Jasper he would force me to push all of my issues to the side and focus on what was important.

Here... I felt like I had to hide everything. It was tiring.

“I was calling to see what you had on the case. We are stumped, as much as I hate to admit it.” I told him honestly. “I figured as much. It's not like I’m doing much better on my end, but as I said I have a few things to try first.”

“I'll send you what we have, what little there is. Keep in touch, even if you don’t have much. I want to know what you are up to.”

“Right. I'll contact you via e-mail since I don't want to interrupt you if you're in the middle of something important.” I smiled bitterly at that. Something important? Well hadn't I already failed at that?

“Thanks Jasper...” I paused, unsure of what exactly I was wanting to say. “I'm sorry for not being able to keep him safe.” I clicked end and the call was dropped.

Dropping my phone to the bedspread I walked into the bathroom and appraised my appearance. I hadn't cried much so my eyes weren't red besides being bloodshot. Turning the tap to hot I splashed my face a few times and tried to relax a little.

I had things to do, many things to do, before I could sleep and being tense was just taking up too much energy. Though I wondered how long it would be before I was forced to rest. I knew my body better than they did, and if I felt I could still work I would put up a fight. Though at the moment, getting some sleep might be a good idea, while things were still slow...

Shutting the water off I exited the bathroom, retrieved my goggles and headed back for the computer room.

The atmosphere was.... well, beyond tense. Either it was because of the video or because they had heard me yelling. Deciding it was better not to know, or to even think about it, I turned my attention to my laptop.

First things first. I had stuff to send to Jasper. I made sure everything was secure, and that even if this somehow ended up in the hands of the Organization they wouldn't be able to trace it to us.

Once everything was sent I was at a loss for what to do. There was no point in analyzing the new video and we had nothing more to go on, again. All of us were stuck until the next video was found or broadcast.

Because without a doubt there would be another video.

I could think of hundreds of ways to torture a person, but I would never be able to prepare myself for seeing Mello being tortured. And I held no doubt that the videos, if we couldn't find him in time, would get increasingly violent as they searched for their answers and used him as an example.

Even if they broke him, and I prayed they didn't, it would not be in the way they expected. Knowing Mello... even if his mind collapsed they wouldn't gain an ounce of information on L or the rest of us.

The longer they had him, the more damage was done not only physically but mentally. We had to find him, and fast.

The only problem. Call it a feeling, or maybe I was just being pessimistic... But I didn't think we were going to find anything in time to stop another video.

-End Brackish-

AN: Wow, this chapter practically wrote itself, though it is smaller than I had hoped. But in the end it fits. Also, Matt's next chapter may also be under 3,000 words. But I’m sure you'll forgive me once you see what comes in between.

Or maybe you wont? 0_o

Review? Reviews make me happy.....