Evangelion Ressurection: Hell on Earth

Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took so long to post, between AFF being down for a while, moving (Just got the net back after about 3 months without it) and work. However I plan on trying to post them Wednesday or Thursday of every other week again now that things have settled down.

Shinji stepped out of the shower, no matter how hard he scrubbed he couldn't seem to get the smell of blood off of him. Maybe it was only his imagination about the blood smell, but it only seemed to be getting worse the longer he spent sitting in the LCL. He looked back at the shower stall and managed to get a small laugh as he began to dress, -Figures the only place I get any feeling of disconnection from the Eva is when I'm showering. Maybe Misato is a little wiser than I thought she was.-

Once full clothed he sat on the benches, his elbows resting on his thighs as he spent some time alone with his thoughts. His eyes were open, and he did nothing but stare at the floor for several minutes. He had been told by Ritsuko that his mother, Yui, hadn't died but had actually disappeared into the Eva. For some reason since he'd woken up that morning, it was all that filled his head, thoughts of his mother. -What was mother like? I don't even remember her.. If it wasn't for the picture I keep of her, I wouldn't even know what she looked like. I hate to admit it, but there is one thing in this life that I actually envy my father over, he actually knew mother.-

Finally he closed the locker and stood, and caught sight of his reflection in the mirror over a sink. Taking a moment to tuck in the black t-shirt he wore, and leave the white dress shirt untucked and unbuttoned he turned towards the door and walked out. Taking a moment to check his watch he saw that he had nearly twenty minutes until he was supposed to meet with Asuka, he figured he had enough time to make one stop.

Quietly he set off, Kensuke hadn't been seriously injured in the previous battle, so Shinji was guessing they would keep him in the infirmary, especially since they had no governmental backing it would be pretty odd to have someone suffering psychological wounds sitting in a hospital. Several minutes later he knocked on the door to one of the several hospital rooms that made up the infirmary, and opened the doorway.

Kensuke was sitting on the bed his attention fully on a book that lay across his lap. Shinji moved closer, and caught sight of the first picture, it would have to be a military book to keep him so interested.

"Hey Kensuke, feeling alright?"

Kensuke jumped at the sound of the voice coming from next to him, and looked up at Shinji before he let out an exaggerated breath, "Don't sneak up on people like that Shinji!"

"I didn't exactly sneak up, I mean I knocked and got no answer.. sounded the air raid sirens and had Asuka screaming at me loud enough that you probably could have heard it down here."

Kensuke got a laugh out of the joke, but immediately he winced. Kensuke leaned back onto the propped up pillows, and stared at the ceiling for a minute, "Sorry, Rei gave me this book to look at while I was in here. Guess I got too caught up in it."

"I see it still hurts though, one of the biggest surprises about piloting the Eva in actual combat though Kensuke. You feel the Eva's pain."

"Yeah I found that one out the hard way. I passed out as soon as I felt the stabbing. Never did find out what happened, no one would talk about it."

Shinji nodded, it was understandable that no one would talk about it to Kensuke while he was still in serious pain. There were other things to consider other than just the battle that had been fought. After a brief smile Shinji managed to give his friend the results without going into detail, "I can sum it up in two words.. we won."

"Well no shit Sherlock Holmes. Tell me how, details man, the details!"

"Alright alright, don't get your bandages in a twist Kensuke. I'll give you the details of the story."

Several minutes later he had finished recounting the battle, seriously downgrading his own part in the story. Kensuke listened at rapt attention to the whole thing, at one point Shinji could have sworn he saw drool coming out of Kensuke's mouth as he heard about the battle. When it was finished Shinji checked his watch again, then stood, "Sorry I have to cut this so short. I have to meet someone for a tour of the new SOUL properties."

"What do you mean new SOUL properties? The only place SOUL owns other than Dogma is a surface building which is just a front for the elevator. There's nothing to tour."

"Huh? Are you sure that Entry plug flight didn't scramble your brain Kensuke?"

"Yup, so who exactly was supposed to take you on this tour?"

"Err.. well Asuka."

"Ohh, that explains everything. Say no more Shinji, have fun."

"Wha?! Wait a second, you mean she set me up?"

"Looks that way, maybe she just wanted to get the chance to talk to you alone.. since you've been back you've seen pretty much everyone again, but have talked with her the least. Even though she doesn't like me and Toji a whole lot, she still came to see me as a fellow Eva pilot at least."

"What the hell?! She never once visited me when I was in the hospital!"

Kensuke put on a false air, and puffed out his chest a little bit as a joke, "Maybe I'm just special?"

Shinji gave a mocking glare at Kensuke before he managed to laugh a little bit as he turned, "Yeah, that's what everybody says. That Kensuke Aida sure has 'special' needs.. That Kensuke Aida is a 'special' guy. Anyways, I'll see you when you get out Kensuke."

"Alright, you take care Shinji."

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The glow of the undercity outside of Dogma had Shinji shaking his head as he took another drag off the cigarette. His eyes went from one towering "skyscraper" to another, there wasn't really a sky to scrape so Shinji had to wonder whether they were roofscrapers, or maybe some other more obscure name. However the view of a city suspended upside down above him is what had him so captivated. He had seen it all before, but when you were fourteen you never really had the frame of mind to think of all the whys and hows of modern technology, it worked and that was all there was to it.

Minutes later he heard a voice off to his side that made him jump a little bit. He had been so spaced off he hadn't heard what Asuka had said, so he looked at her and shrugged, "Sorry, I was kinda spacing out there, what did you say?"

"I said are you ready for the tour."

"Uhhh about that, what's this Kensuke tells me that SOUL only has Dogma and the building on the surface which is little more than a front for the elevator down to Dogma?"

Asuka's cheeks flashed a deeper shade of red than her hair, and she had already turned away from him. Shinji watched her for a few moments later, then returned his gaze to the undercity. Instead of having her be embarrassed the entire time, he changed the subject and gestured in the direction of the city with his cigarette, "Since when exactly did this place get built? I mean there were plans for it when I left but I didn't know they would carry through with it."

Asuka turned her head looking towards the city, "Geez Shinji, don't you know anything? The undercity was started two years ago. Just like they managed to build a city of twenty million in a matter of fifteen years, the managed to build a half of a city with no population in a matter of two. It's all office space. Cheaper real estate prices, and all the companies have to do to make people think they're above ground is put a holographic system into each window."

Shinji flipped the cigarette to the ground and crushed it under the heel of his shoes and shrugged, "Maybe I don't know anything. Sometimes Asuka I wonder about that though. At what point does a person in that situation consider himself deceived?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I kind of liken it to our situation. Do we pilot the Evas or is that just an illusion of control? When I'm in the entry plug I no longer think that I'm in charge, but I think I'm a conscience for the Eva, nothing more. After Unit 01 went berserk so many times, I knew I wasn't controlling the Evangelion."

"Shinji, uhh, you're kind of scaring me.. since when did you get into the philosophical?"

"While I was on my own, I came to wonder something... people believe that God is a benevolent being, that he's something to hold yourself up to for standards. However, if God was such a nice guy, why the hell is he sending his so called Messengers, the Angels, to destroy humanity? Are we deceived about God in this aspect?"

Asuka looked at Shinji in silence, she hadn't ever thought of things in quite that way. Her arms crossed as she looked out at the undercity, her mind whirling with the myriad of possibilities. -Shinji, you really have changed. He must be sick of hearing that though by now though.-

"Shinji you say that it was while you were on your own you became philosophical and had time to think about these things. But what's happened to you? I last remember you being nothing more than a shy little boy, until you snapped at me.."

Shinji's head bowed and he contemplated the words. She was asking how it was that he had changed, what it was that had changed him so much in the time he was away. Finally he sighed and spoke quietly, "It was only the third month of my being gone, and winter had set in. I was walking down the road shivering because I hadn't even thought that far ahead. If it hadn't been for a family that was passing by, then I'm certain I would have frozen to death."

"So a family saving you is what made you change?"

"I'm getting to that Asuka, you still haven't learned the true meaning of patience. Anyways, they gave me a ride even though it was little more than a car about to break down. And they welcomed me into their home. The father who's name was Hiroyuki explained to me that their daughter, their only child, was slowly withering away before their eyes. He hadn't hoped to turn me into a son or anything like that. When they saw me on the road, about the same age as their daughter, Hiroyuki felt sorry for me and wanted to offer me a place to stay until winter passed.." Shinji paused, trying to prevent the pain of that situation from coming into his heart and mind again.

"Go on Shinji, I want to hear what you have to say."

"It hurts.. it hurts to recall these memories, but I stayed until winter passed. Hiro as he had me call him, was more of a father to me than mine ever was. He had told me of their daughter, and that they had told her of me. She wanted to meet me, but couldn't leave her bed, and I was too afraid to go see her. Time passed for three months I lived with them, growing close to them and feeling like they were truly a family. Then Keiko, their daughter... she passed away. I was there in the final moments of her life, and it was then that she said something to me.."

"What is it that she said Shinji?"

"She said, 'I've heard so much about you Shinji, and since you've been here I've never once met you. You are someone that even though I don't know I feel like I have known for many years. Father always said you were quiet, withdrawn, and shy. I feel like I have missed out on not knowing you personally in this time, but I don't fault you.. you are who you are, but is that truly who you want to be?' Then she went on to talk to her father for a moment, and died. The next day I found out what had caused her ailment and I left. It was because of her close contact to an Angel that had caused her condition. When Bardiel tried to infect Rei's Eva, Keiko had been splashed with whatever it was. It infected her body more slowly because it wasn't Angel or Eva, and for a year and a half she suffered.. because of her condition I wanted to fight, and destroy the Angels." The anger was quite evident since he'd started talking about Bardiel, he'd gone from almost being in tears to what sounded like a vow of anger towards the Angels.

"That reminds me of something I heard once a long time ago... he who would seek to slay monster should beware, lest he become the monster. Can I ask you a question now that you've explained this to me?"

"You just did, but go ahead."

"You didn't even know Keiko until moments before her death, but she touched you in a way that is different than anyone else, how?"

Shinji's arms wrapped about his torso for support, he felt cold and drained by the conversation but he had said he would answer. It wasn't one of those questions he could just pop off an answer to, but Shinji finally came to a decision, "It's because when I was piloting Eva, it didn't matter if buildings were destroyed, people were injured.. at that time they were nothing more than numbers on paper. Take Toji's sister for example, until he hit me I didn't know anyone had been hurt. When I was forced to come face to face with someone innocent that had been injured, and for all intents and purposes felt like a sister to me and acted like one even though I'd never met her, something burned inside me. I wanted to make her happy, I wanted to live by her words telling me to live how I want, and it really forced me to open up to people and be more free with my opinions."

"You had already started on that road the night you left Tokyo 3.. tell me why you left?"

Shinji looked pensive at the question. He'd been afraid it was coming, and had tried his best to prepare for it but all his preparations came tumbling down. Shinji leaned back against the wall of the building, not just for support, but because he needed to find somewhere to lend strength from and the stone walls offered a small amount.

Asuka wasn't relenting now, it had taken her a while to work up the nerve to ask him that particular question, and now she needed an answer. Her blue eyes tried their best impression of Shinji's when the'd been in the elevator the previous night, and she stared hard at him. She needed to know the answer to the question, she had to know the truth.

"Asuka.. I won't lie to you, I thought I had nothing left for me here."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

-Alright, just out with it Shinji. If she wants to kill you so be it, things go back to the way the used to be.-

"Other than Misato, no one really seemed to be there for me. I felt so alone in the world, and if that's what I felt I figured maybe I should be alone. Part of it was what I told Misato, I had to know if I was a coward but that was only a small part. When you feel like there's no one left for you, then you just want to be alone. And for the better part of two years I wanted to be alone, even when living with Keiko's family I wanted to be alone."

"Tell me dummkopf what ever gave you the impression that you were alone? And explain to me just how this whole thing proved if you were a coward or not."

"I came back, if I was a coward I wouldn't have come back knowing what I might face. And what gave me the impression that I was alone? My father wanted nothing to do with me, that right there was like a knife twisted in my heart. He was so cold towards me, so uncaring about whether I lived or died, my own damn father. Ayanami at that point wouldn't have cared if a nuke had gone off next to her, as long as my father paid attention to her. And you Asuka, no matter what I did it wasn't good enough. No matter how much I tried to get you to stop complaining about every little thing, it just wasn't good enough. Misato, Toji, and Kensuke were there for me, but it takes more than friends to live life. I felt unloved, unwanted, and because of that I wanted to be alone until the pain had left me."

Throughout his reasonings Shinji's voice grew progressively more quiet and more subdued. Just talking about why he left made him experience those feelings again, and that was something he didn't want. His arms wrapped around his body, and when he looked up at Asuka with a faint gloomy smile he couldn't help but feel that emptiness again.

Whilst Shinji grew more quiet in his speech, Asuka did as well. She hadn't realized just how solitary Shinji had felt, and for some reason she felt wretched because she had contributed to it. Without even consciously realizing what she was doing she had put a hand on Shinji's shoulder and looked into those now haunted eyes, "Shinji I want you to listen because I'm only going to ever say this once. Don't ever feel alone again, if ever you need someone to talk to like I know you talk to Misato, I want you to talk to me. I feel like I owe this to you... because I feel that this, this rift between us was my doing."

The young man stared at the red-head for several long moments, tentatively nodding before she added, "If you ever say I acted like this to everyone, I will kill you. I know what it's like to feel alone, and it reopened old wounds in me whenever I watched your father ignore you, or acted like you were an insect not worthy of his notice."

"Thanks Asuka, it means a lot. Mind if we postpone that 'tour' and go grab something to eat? It's my treat, and you pick the place."

"Sounds like a good idea to me, and I have just the place.."

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Misato walked through the doorway into the office of Doctor Ritsuko Akagi, and leaned against the frame downing a swallow of coffee. Misato had at least gotten a nap that night, and was somewhat refreshed. However she still had to stifle a yawn as she looked over Ritsuko's shoulder reading the computer screen. Ritsuko had fallen asleep in her chair and Misato grinned, "SO Ritsuko just what are you looking at?"

Ritsuko awoke with a start, and probably would have fallen off the chair if it weren't for the armrests keeping her from falling off. She blinked a couple of times to get her bearings then looked at Misato who was leaning against her work desk grinning ear to ear, "What's with you grinning like the cat that ate the canary?"

"Always the cat analogies with you Ritsu.. it just so happens I met our new liaison with the Japanese military earlier."

"Ohh really, so we do officially have the backing of the military?"

"Yep, but that's not the point... Let me ask you something, did Kaji ever tell you anything about his family?"

"Not a word now that you mention it. Why?"

"Because it seems in the last twelve hours I've learned more about his family than in almost fifteen years."

"Really? Oh please Misato, do tell.."

"His father is General Fujiwara Kaji. And his TWIN brother, who is our liaison, happens to be one Colonel Taichi Kaji. Haven't learned anything of the rest of his family."

"Why the hell was our little Ryouji working for Japanese intelligence?"

"He was always considered a bit of a black sheep I gather from the conversation I had. Come on Ritsuko, let's talk about him over some dinner at your place so you can get some sleep afterwards, because you look ready to fall asleep just sitting there. We'll order something on the way."