The Bad Adult Anime Fanfic

Chapter IX: Negima no-no!

Disclaimer: Ken Akamatsu created Negima, but I just CANNOT STAND that motherfucking bitch Asuna! She is just a total twat! Oh, I\'m not making any money off this either. PLEASE DON\'T SUE ME!! (A)

Summary: Marty Stu comes to Mahora academy and all the girls want him. He joins Negi\'s class w/o explanation. He bangs Nodoka and Fei Ku at the same time. Asuna & the girls kill him. Bamfing oni makes everyone talk in chatspeak.
Pairings: Marty Stu/Fei Ku/Nodoka, others to be determined. (B)

Marty Stu bamfed into the Mahora academy. He was outside class 2-A. The bell rang and everyone forced Marty Stu into the class. \"Ah, nice of you to come. You must be that American chap I sent for.\" Negi said.
\"American chap?\" Marty Stu asked.
\"Yea. You were going to talk about the differences between American and British English.\" Negi said.
\"Oh - okay.\" Marty Stu said.
\"Man, who is that guy? He is hawt!\" Setsuna asked.
\"He looks like he\'s our age too.\" Fei Ku noted. (1)
\"So are you going after him? Fuka asked.
\"I might... things with Negi-sensei aren\'t going my way now.\" Fei Ku said.
The class president stood up. \"It is time to begin. Stand.\" She odored. (2)
The class stood up. \"Bow.\" The class president said. They did so.
\"Good morning, sensei.\" They said in unison.
\"Good morning.\" Negi replied.
\"Isn\'t that cute?\" Marty Stu said as the girls sat down.
\"Class, we have a special guest. Say hello to... uh, what was your name again?\" Negi said to Marty Stu. (3)
\"Marty Stu. What\'s yours?\" He asked.
\"Negi Springfield.\" Negi replied. \"Well class, we have a special guest. Please heed Mr. Stu as you would me.\" Negi said.
\"Okay... well, there are a few minor differences between British and American English. Most of the differences are in the slang and in words or phrases.\" (4) Marty Stu said. \"What the British call a torch we call a flashlight. What the British call rubbers we call erasers. What the British call condoms we call rubbers.\" Marty Stu said. An embarrassed giggle from the class ensued.
\"Class, behave.\" Negi said sternly.
\"Well, in Britain, a bird can be a young woman or an avian. In America. (5) A bird is just an avian. We call our leader Mr. President, and they call their leader Mr. Prime Minister.\" Marty Stu added. \"The differences are similar between Kanto Japanese and Kansian Japanese.\" Marty Stu lectured them further on American slang.
\"In America, slang is divided by region and in some cases by sex. Where I come from in Texas, slang is common to both sexes. In California, for example, slang is segregated between the sexes. Males speak a subset of English slang known a surfer dude. Females speak a subset of English slang known as valspeak.\" Marty Stu said.
\"He\'s really smart and cute too.\" Konoka said. \"I wanna kiss him.\" Nodoka merely blushed, her face turning red as a beet. Marty Stu noticed this, and came up to Nodoka.
\"Is there a problem, Miss...?\" Marty Stu asked Nodoka.
\"Uhn... no, Marty Stu-sama. There is no problem.\" Nodoka said.
Marty Stu smiled slightly. \"Good. Stay after school then. You need private tutoring.\" Marty Stu said. Nodoka, already blushing, nodded.
\"Ooh! Keep me after class too! Fei Ku said. (6)
\"And me!\" A chorus of girls said.
\"Hey! I thought you all liked me!\" Negi said.
\"He\'s hotter.\" Setsuna replied.
\"Come on, girls, there\'s enough of me to go around.\" Marty Stu said arrogantly. \"But one of you should go with Negi-kun(7) so he won\'t be lonely.\" Marty Stu said.
\"You know, in canon I\'d point out that the -kun suffix is for close friends only and that you should have used -san. However, this is a badfic, so I\'ll just let it slide.\" Negi said.
After class, Nodoka, Setsuna, Asuna, Konoka, Fei Ku, Negi and Marty Stu were walking down the sidewalk towards the dorm rooms.
\"Well, I don\'t really have a place to stay, so I was hoping one of you hot babes would let me stay at her place.\" Marty Stu said, eyeing Nodoka.
\"You can stay in my room, Marty Stu-san.\" Fei Ku said.
\"I don\'t mind either.\" Nodoka said. (9)
\"Great. Thanks, Fei Ku-babe.\" Marty Stu replied.
\"You know, in canon I\'d complain that this is a violation of school rules, but since this is a badfic, I\'ll just let it slide.\" Asuna said. She then paused for a moment. \"God, I hate being submissive as much as Kagome did.\" At that point a nasty-looking demon appeared.
\"BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!! I AM THE DEMON OF BAD SPELLING!!! YOU ALL WILL NOW SPEAK IN CHATSPEAK!!\" The demon said as he cast a spell. Marty Stu quickly reacted, drawing his sword and slicing the demon\'s wrist. However, the demon dove out of the way faster than Marty Stu could react for a second blow. The demon bamfed out.
\"Whut teh hell?\" Asuna asked. (10)
\"Thiz luks bad.\" Fei Ku said.
\"Were stuk spekin chatspeak.\" Negi said.
\"Thiz iz teh suxxor!\" Fei Ku added.
\"Hmm... perhaps the answer to your predicament lies within the library.\" Marty Stu said.
\"Hei, how cum you no speak in chatspeak?\" Asuna asked.
\"\'Cuz hez Marty Stu.\" Everyone but Marty Stu replied. (11)
\"Lez go thar.\" Negi said.
So they went to the library and looked around the place. It was Negi who found the book that contained the dispelling spell. However, he needed Marty Stu\'s help in casting the spell, as talking in chatspeak wouldn\'t let him cast the spell right. Marty Stu recited the incantation while Negi worked his magic.
\"Whew. Thank God that\'s over.\" Asuna said. \"I hated sounding like a three-year-old.\"
\"I agree. Well, we should return to the dorms and study before dinner.\" Negi said.
So they went back to their respective rooms and hit the books. In Fei Ku\'s room, Marty Stu helped her and Nodoka study.
\"I think you just haven\'t had the proper motivation to study, Fei Ku.\" Marty Stu said. \"So what\'s something I could reward you with for getting the answers right?\"
Fei Ku smiled for a moment. \"Well, in canon, I\'d probably say something like give me lots of yen, but since this is a badfic, how about you give me a kiss?\" She said.
\"I want one too.\" Nodoka said nervously.
\"Then that\'s what you two shall get.\" Marty Stu said.
So they sat juxtaposed on the couch and started studying. Fei Ku started understanding things very quickly. Marty Stu then quizzed them on the items. Fei Ku got the first answer right and the first kiss. (12) Marty Stu had one arm around her and the other arm around Nodoka. Fei Ku and Marty Stu were filled with passion and felt absolutely wonderful kissing each other. When they came up for air, Marty Stu asked Nodoka a question that she got rite. (13) Marty Stu gave her a passionate kiss as well. After several questions, Fei Ku then decided to sit in his lap. Nodoka followed suit, and they each sat on one of Marty Stu\'s legs.
\"Marty Stu-kun, I really hate to tell you this... but it\'s dinner time.\" Fei Ku said.
\"We should have a good meal before tonight. Let\'s go to the cafeteria together.\" Marty Stu said.
So they sat with the others and had dinner. Negi asked Marty Stu if he could return tomorrow for another lecture.
\"Sure. I\'ve got nothing else to do.\" He replied. \"Except maybe bang me some babes.\" He thought. Fei Ku, Nodoka and Marty Stu sat next to each other as they ate. Marty Stu alternated placing his hand on the creamy inner thighs of Fei Ku and Nodoka. This only served to get them aroused.
After dinner, Fei Ku, Nodoka and Marty Stu went back to their room and sat on the couch again. They put their arms around each other and held each other close. Marty Stu went in for a three-way kiss. He felt absolutely wonderful having two sets of soft, feminine lips on his. Fei Ku and Nodoka felt wonderful as well, and tongues merrily played with each other. When they came up for air, Marty Stu placed his hands on their tits, cupping the firm, ample bounty of two very hot babes, caressing one tit on each of them. Nodoka pulled Marty Stu\'s hand away.
\"I don\'t like my boobs being felt up.\" She said. Marty Stu then placed his hand on her soft, tight, firm bottom.
\"That\'s better.\" Nodoka said as she reached for Marty Stu\'s tee-tee maker(14).
They all undressed and saw each other naked for the first time.
\"Oh wow... you\'re a lot bigger than Negi-kun.\" Nodoka said.
\"I\'m not too sure I want to know how you know that. Let\'s just get to the fucking, o.k.?\" Marty Stu said. They all lay down and got into a circle of 69. Both babes parted their legs and offered Marty Stu a pussy each that no man had been inside before. Marty Stu put his tongue on Nodoka\'s pussy first, and Fei Ku eagerly took his stiffening stick into her mouth. Nodoka placed her tongue on Fei Ku\'s slick slit. Everyone started moaning softly as they were in this circle of 69. The girls got wet with love lube as Marty Stu\'s throbbing rod achieved its full length. Everyone felt extreme pleasure as they did the 69. Marty Stu got the full taste of Nodoka\'s tight, wet cunt, and really liked it. Nodoka couldn\'t get enough of Marty Stu\'s long tongue inside her. Fei Ku loved sucking Marty Stu\'s 31.75 cm of pussy-taming meat. She ran her tongue up and down his shaft while Nodoka licked her snatch. Everyone moaned and gasped as they did this. Marty Stu hummed on Nodoka\'s clit, sending her into a screaming, creaming frenzy. (15) Then they switched positions. Now Marty Stu tasted Fei Ku\'s tight tunnel of love. It was just as sweet and as tasty as Nodoka\'s. Nodoka blew Marty Stu very well, teasing his turgid tool with her tasty tongue. None of them wanted this to stop, and they did it for a long time. Well, after a good while of blowing him, Nodoka turned around and guided his condom-coated cock into her caressing cunt. (16)
Nodoka gasped as she seized his boner with the vise between her legs. Nodoka gasped as she started going up and down on him.
\"Ooh yes... it\'s soooooooooooooooooo big!\" She squealed.
\"Oh yes!\" Fei Ku echoed Nodoka\'s sentiments. This was because Marty Stu started humming on her clit too. Nodoka fucked Marty Stu for a long time. Just when she thought she couldn\'t take anymore, Nodoka came. Then she came again; Marty Stu had given her multiple orgasms. Nodoka had three of them, and then collapsed next to Marty Stu. Fei Ku then moved around and then guided Marty Stu\'s hard cock deep inside her pussy. She clamped onto him juast as hard as Nodoka did. Meanwhile, Nodoka put arn arm around Marty Stu and held him close. Fei Ku and Marty Stu rammed each other for a very long time. Just when Fei Ku thought she couldn\'t take anymore, Marty Stu shot his warm, foamy load of love deep inside her tight tunnel. This caused Fei Ku to achieve her first orgasm. She had multiple orgasms as well, culminating in a third one that was her climax.
Fei Ku collapsed on the other side of Marty Stu from Nodoka.
\"Mmm... that was the best sex I\'ve ever had.\" Fei Ku moaned into Marty Stu\'s ear.
\"I loved it too.\" Nodoka added.
\"It\'s about damn time I got to come.\" Marty Stu said.
\"You know, I\'d be pissed as hell in canon now over that remark, but, since this is a badfic, I\'ll let it slide. (17) Hell, there\'s no way I\'d do you in canon anyway.\" Fei Ku said.
\"So what do we do now?\" Nodoka asked.
\"I\'m going to sleep. Let\'s fall asleep holding each other close.\" Marty Stu said. Well, since Marty Stu always gets what he wants, he slept that night holding two very hot babes close.
The next morning, Marty Stu, Fei Ku and Nodoka woke up together. After a three-way kiss, they parted and stood up.
\"We need to bathe.\" Nodoka said.
They threw on robes and grabbed shower gear. They went down to the baths, disrobed, and entered the water. The three of them took turns soaping each other up and rinsing off. Afterwards, they dressed and went to breakfast together. After that, They arrived at the school together.
That Morning, Marty Stu met up with Negi and Asuna. \"Negi-kun, I have something important to tell you. I know where your father is.\" Marty Stu said.
\"Really? Where is he?\" Negi begged.
Marty Stu pointed at Asuna. \"There. Asuna-chan is your father.\" (18)
\"What the fuck!? That\'s the stupidest thing that I\'ve ever heard.\" Negi said.
\"None the less, it is true.\" Asuna transformed into Nagi Springfield.
\"I like watching naked girls, and I thought this would be the best way to do that. I\'d really like to know how you figured that out. However, since this is a badfic, I\'m not going to get my hopes up for an explanation.\" Nagi said.
Negi-kun was in tears. \"Dad, how could you do this to me!? I loved Asuna-chan!\"
\"My guess is that the author is trying to make the audience go \'What the fuck!?\' It sure isn\'t working, though.\" Nodoka said.
Nagi turned back into Asuna.
\"You took all those tests and failed! This doesn\'t make sense!\" Negi sobbed.
\"Oh, well, I just test poorly.\" Asuna said.
\"Another glaring hole in the plot has been covered rather stupidly.\" Marty Stu said.
After the morning, Negi passed out a pop quiz. It was a short quiz of 10 questions.
\"Let\'s see how much you\'ve learned up to this point.\" Negi said.
The class took the test. The two that seemed to have the easiest time were Nodoka and Fei Ku. They finished first and turned their tests in. The others finished and turned their tests in.
Negi and Marty Stu graded the tests. After They finished, Marty Stu announced the results.
\"I\'m proud to say there were 10 perfect scores in the class.\" Marty Stu announced.
\"They are as follows: Linshen Chao, Satomi Nakase, Nodoka Miyazaki, Konoka Konoe, Yuna Akashi, Ayaka Yukihiro, Kazumi Asakuri, Chisame Hasegawa, Natsumi Murakami, and Fei Ku all got perfect scores.\" Marty Stu announced.
\"Baka Yellow got a perfect score? No way!\" Fuka said.
\"Most of you passed. A few of you did not, however. The lowest score was Asuna with a 20.\" Negi said.
\"Looks like baka red strikes again.\" Ayaka said.
\"What the hell!?\" Asuna said.
\"Oh, well, the writer doesn\'t like you, so he\'s going to have you suffer a lot of misfortune.\" Marty Stu said. (19)
Asuna stood up. \"I\'ve had enough of this shit. Adeat!\" She said. Marty Stu was barely able to deflect the sword that appeared in Asuna\'s hands. While he and Asuna clashed swords, Setsuna came up to them and thrusted her sword deep into Marty Stu\'s chest. Blood gushed like a fountain from the wound as Marty Stu went down.
\"But... why?\" Marty Stu asked.
\"Marty Stus should always die a horrible, tragic death. This badfic is almost over. Besides, you\'re just too fucking perfect.\" Asuna said. \"Then there\'s that crap about turning me into Negi\'s dad. What the hell were you thinking!?\"
\"Damn... I wanted the happily ever after ending with Nodoka-chan...\" Marty Stu said as he continued to bleed. Shortly thereafter, Marty Stu bled to death. (20)
\"Aw man. He gave great head too. That humming thing made me gush with pleasure.\" Fei Ku said.
\"It\'s for the best. He was too fucking perfect. You probably would have ended up shacking up with Nodoka-chan and him, despite that being OOC.\" Setsuna said.
\"You\'re just jealous because he wanted Fei Ku and me.\" Nodoka said.
\"No. I killed him because Marty Stus are stupid characters.\" Setsuna said. \"He had you giving him a threesome with Fei Ku. How in-character is that?\" Asuna asked. \"Well, he did do one good thing. I now have the inside track in getting Negi-sensei.\"
\"You motherfucking bastard!\" The rest of the class shouted at the dead Marty Stu.
They took his body and dumped it in Tokyo bay. Now Negi had his father back and everyone graduated with honors. (21)

(A) Don\'t make it painfully obvious that you hate a character. Also, whiny pleas about being sued are a no-no. It\'s just inviting the owners to sue.
(B) It\'s not a good thing to let the audience know that you\'re going to write about a character you hate. In addition, knowing who\'s getting what really spoils things. Now that you know who\'s doing it, you don\'t want to read on, do you? (8)
(1) Last chapter, Marty Stu banged the 22-year-old Forte Stollen. Here, he\'s got 14-year-olds falling in love with him, saying he\'s their age. What age is Marty Stu? Well, he apparently changes ages at whim. ?:|
(2) And what kind of odor was it? Why, it was a beautiful fresh, spring scent, of course! :rolleyes:
(3) So he\'s telling *only* Marty Stu that he\'s a guest speaker? Apparently, the class was not supposed to listen to the first sentence, which was directed at them.
(4) This sure narrows things down, doesn\'t it? Marty Stu sure is speaking rather well for someone who came unprepared.
(5) Sentence fragments are bad. Every sentence requires a subject and a verb.
(6) Close your quotes! It\'s like leaving the front door open.
(7) There\'s more honorific abuse here. -Kun is for friends, and Marty Stu barely knows Negi.
(8) Be consistent with your numbering for footnotes. This is something repeated throughout this fic.
(9) Nodoka and Fei Ku are not roommates in canon. (Yue is Nodoka\'s roommate.)
(10) Agh! Chatspeak does NOT belong in a fic!! If you\'re going to type something, do it correctly! If you are reading this, you should be an adult, defined as being at least 18 years old (or whatever;) not 8!
(11) Marty Stu is just too fucking perfect! Now we find out he\'s immune to evil magic? Jeez! Not only that, is Asuna answering her own question here?
(12) So much for Fei Ku being baka ranger yellow. Of course, Marty Stu can *always* work miracles.
(13) Homophones are words that sound the same but mean different things. Don\'t confuse them. Secondly, canon! Nodoka is TERRIFIED of men. Just because you think a character is hot is NO excuse to turn her/him into a slut/satyr!
(14) Tee-tee maker!? If you\'re going to use a euphemism for the penis, DON\'T make it sound like you\'re 5 years old! Also, 70% of women do NOT enjoy having their breasts touched. It\'s sad that many fics have guys fondling women\'s breasts, and this turns them on.
(15) Not all women are screamer creamers, except in bad fan fiction. In addition, are 14-year-old girls (especially ones that have led a sheltered life like Nodoka) really going to know enough about sex to be sex goddesses?
(16) Alliteration is o.k., just don\'t go overboard like I did here. In addition, where did the condom come from all of the sudden?
(17) After play is very important for a woman. Sex is greatly enhanced by having some emotional attachment to one\'s partner.
(18) It\'s not a good idea to make your readers shout \"What the fuck!?\" The idea of Asuna being the thousand master is just absolutely stupid. Secondly, there is NO evidence to indicate that Nagi is a pervert!
(19) Just because you don\'t like a character is NO excuse to to hurt him/her, make him/her suffer through a LOT of bad things or otherwise torture him/her!
(20) Mary Sues/Marty Stus either live happily ever after or die a horrible, tragic death. After this Marty Stu has tortured me writing him, I couldn\'t let him live happily ever after with Nodoka and Fei Ku. (He may have tortured the reader as well; who knows.)
(21) \"Oh, and by the way, I solved all your problems\" is a no-no. Real life problems can take years to fix.