Unlocking My Love

Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: bad language
Author’s Note: Well, it wasn’t such a long wait this time at least. Thank you to the reviewers taking their time to tell me how they feel about the story, and everyone else reading. I trust you continue to enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creator of ‘Gravitation’.


Unlocking My Love: Chapter 9


Yuki snarled as he slammed the car door and strode angrily towards the lift. Who the hell did they think they were?!, he thought viciously, stabbing at the floor button. His patience was at breaking point so even the few seconds delay for the doors to close was enough to make the last vestiges of calm vanish.

“Come on, you fucking piece of shit! Shut!” He kicked out hard, feeling the sole of his foot connect solidly against the wall under the control panel as the doors began to slide closed.

He fumed as it slowly climbed its way to his floor and it was fortunate that it did not pause to collect further passengers. Fortunate for them that is with Yuki’s foul mood at this time. Anyone who might have been unlucky enough to encounter him would mostly likely have ended up with a tirade of verbal abuse and, dependent upon what else occurred, there would be every chance that it would escalate towards the physical.

The ascent was taking too long to suit him so was doing nothing for his temper. He had spent most of the day closeted with his publishing company. At first he had thought it was nothing more than the normal routine meetings that he was forced to endure at times so had attended, albeit reluctantly. However things hadn’t quite turned out as he had expected.

He stomped down the corridor, reaching his own door and cursing under his breath as it seemed that the key refused to smoothly enter its lock. When it finally did click and the handle turned freely, he yanked the key out and thrust the door back with such force that it connected with the wall that would be bound to leave a mark.

He strode through, a swift kick from behind slamming the door with a vibrating thud, then shoes were kicked off violently to lie randomly where they fell. Hard footsteps carried him to the kitchen, jacket thrown over the couch in passing.

He immediately reached into the darkness at the back of the opened cupboard, fingers searching before finding their goal, wrapping around the neck and drawing the bottle to light. A glass was set firmly on the counter top next to it, ready and waiting.

Yuki poured a liberal amount of scotch into the glass, tossing the first one down in one gulp, ignoring the burning sensation down his throat and into his stomach as he immediately refilled the glass.

This day had turned to complete shit!

*************

He had awoken in a good mood that morning, stretching in his bed, thoughts of the night before still giving him a pleasant warm glow though he would never admit it to anyone.

The last two evenings had left him feeling very pleased. Even though Shuichi had fallen asleep at the movie he hadn’t considered that detrimental to their, well, whatever you could call that they had. It wasn’t a relationship that was for sure but it was still something a lot more than just passing acquaintances.

He could still remember how it had felt to hold Shuichi in his arms, the other’s body warming his own. That had felt really good, and muscles that he hadn’t even known had been tense had slowly relaxed. For the first time, in gods know how long, it had felt like he had finally been able to fully let go.

So, yes, he had considered that night a very good night. They had talked, traded barbs, ate and drank together, and it hadn’t ended in harsh words or tears. In fact, it had unexpectedly ended in a kiss.

He felt his face grow hot with that thought. He could hardly believe that he had done that. He certainly hadn’t planned to do so but it had seemed like the only thing to do. Standing at the cab had been damn awkward. How else were they supposed to have said goodbye, shake hands?

Still he felt extremely embarrassed about the whole thing. It was something that he would have expected Shuichi to have automatically done once and yet, now he thought about it, he had probably instigated just as many kisses back at the start of their relationship. Hell, their very first kiss had been his move so he should hardly have anything to be embarrassed about!

He threw back the covers and made his way to the bathroom, stepping under the shower once the water reached a comfortable temperature. But what had been even better was last night. It had felt like they had actually talked, although they really hadn’t said that much at all.

That stupid couch! Shuichi had been really hung up on that. But then, he let the water run over his body, if he hadn’t been then he wouldn’t have said anything more either, and Shuichi had seemed very pleased to just even get that much out of him. He tipped his head back, running a hand across his face and pushing his wet hair back from his eyes. Stupid idiot!

He lathered the shower gel all over his lean body, slim fingered hands running smoothly over flat stomach, down long legs, bumping over nipples that hardened a little at the silken touch of suds. That slight touch sent a reaction straight to his groin and he groaned. How he wished Shuichi was here, right now! They had often showered together. At least they did when neither of them had a commitment to be somewhere at a particular time and had to be rushing off. That was because they would inevitable get side-tracked, and what should have been a quick wash would become a whole lot more. He could imagine Shuichi here with him so clearly, he didn’t even have to close his eyes. Shuichi’s hair plastered around his face, dripping; skin slick and flushed with the heat of the water…

He shook his head hard, growling at himself. Stop it! He scrubbed the shampoo through his hair, digging fingers into his scalp almost hard enough to hurt, trying to erase those thoughts although his body was aching to respond.

It was getting so fucking hard to not want to be with Shuichi intimately. Every time he saw him he wanted to kiss him, own him, possess him all over again. He wanted to lock him away in the bedroom and drive him insane with sex so he cried in ecstasy and couldn’t walk. He wanted to know that Shuichi belonged to him and only him. His inner lust was clawing at him seductively, sliding sensuously through his mind, whispering bewitching words of desire, tendrils of temptation creeping through his soul enticing him to act and act now. Every part of him wanted to do just that, but one small portion of rational thought stood firm against this alluring inducement.

He rinsed the shampoo from his hair thoroughly and then ruthlessly turned the temperature to cold, remaining under the needle like pinpoints of iciness that rained down on him, teeth gritted together. He felt his ardour cool a little, which really wasn’t surprising. It was fucking cold!

He turned the heat back up, sighing with relief as his chilled body began to warm up once more. He felt that he was a little more under control but all those emotions of need, want, desire and possession still bubbled just below the surface, just waiting for the moment to break free completely.

He stepped out and rubbed himself down, wrapping the towel tightly around his hips and made his way out to the kitchen for his morning coffee. He had to keep control of himself. He couldn’t rush things though this slow cautious approach was driving him mad. He was used to just taking what he wanted, ignoring what he didn’t, and always getting his way. This…courting, trying to coax Shuichi to spend time with him and return to him was just plain exhausting, both physically and emotionally. He tossed down his medication, washed away with a glass of water. He was sure that the reason his damn ulcer was still playing up was due to the stress of having to hold back all the time!

Still, as he poured the now ready coffee into a mug, picking it up to return to the living room in search of his cigarettes, it had still been a good night. He recalled the brush of Shuichi’s lips against his cheek. Shuichi had actually kissed him back, that had been a surprise in itself. Perhaps he was getting a little bolder? Perhaps he wanted to be back with him again? Ah, who knows at this stage. And the damn idiot was going to be gone soon on tour.

He sipped his coffee, in between drawing deeply on his cigarette, feeling his stomach churn. He grimaced. Yeah, that fucking ulcer was definitely Shuichi’s fault, he was sure of it! Just the thought of him going away and not being able to see him for some time made his guts clench in anxiety. He didn’t want Shuichi to leave! Was that so difficult to understand?! But he also knew that he didn’t have any right to demand that he stayed either.

But things seemed to just be starting to get sorted between them. He was sure he could say there had been progress, if the mutual kiss last night was anything to go by. Okay, it was more a kiss between shy first graders or something just as stupid but it was still mutual. What if Shuichi changed his mind when he was on tour and didn’t want to see Yuki when he got back? Yuki was sure that if he kept Shuichi close he would be able to convince him to return to what they had before, he was positive of that. He would make damn sure he convinced him! But what if Shuichi was out of his sphere of influence? They hadn’t made any sort of commitment or spoken of any kind of decision so there was nothing to bind Shuichi to him during his absence.

Yuki stubbed the cigarette angrily out, scowling. He couldn’t have that. He had to try and get some sort of…something out of Shuichi before he left. A promise that they would continue to see each other and talk when he got back. Something - anything.

***************

Yuki sauntered down the street, moving with the flow of people on the sidewalk. He wasn’t in any particular hurry, there was still time and he was only meeting Mizuki. He reached his destination and glanced around, spotting his editor at a table in the corner. She looked up just then from the book she was reading, a bright smile spreading across her face as she waved him over. She did not call out his name; that she would never do in public. Mizuki was always discrete and would be wary of inciting any type of disturbance by announcing to all and sundry that the novelist Eiri Yuki was present.

He sidled between the crowded tables, finally reaching the vacant chair opposite, and sitting. A waiter appeared immediately to take drink orders which Yuki left Mizuki to deal with. She knew precisely what he would want. She passed him a menu with another smile, then opening the other before her.

“Punctual as always, Yuki,” she said. “I hope you are hungry. I’m famished!”

Yuki lifted his eyes from the menu he’d been scanning. “I thought you only ate like a horse when you were pregnant. Are you knocked up again?”

Mizuki laughed at his bluntness, quite used to it. “Of course not, but believe me the energy you expend in looking after a child is unbelievable! I have to keep my strength up.”

“You’ll look like a hippo if you keep this up,” Yuki replied, a gross exaggeration as Mizuki had returned to her normal svelte self soon enough after the birth of her child almost a year ago.

“As charming as always, my dear author,” she responded quickly. “I swear I’m going to buy you that book on etiquette and manners one day.”

“It’d be a waste of time,” Yuki said, looking up as the waiter returned with their drinks. “Are you ready or not?” he queried her.

“Of course, I decided before you had even arrived.” She smirked at him. “You’re the only one holding us up.”

He frowned at her and rattled off his order then waited for Mizuki to do the same. She hadn’t been kidding when she had said she was hungry, ordering nearly twice as much as he. Perhaps it did take a lot of energy to look after a kid, although he couldn’t see how. When they are first born all the squalling brats did was eat, sleep and shit. How hard could that be?

“So what is this about?” he asked, picking up his drink. Mizuki was the one who had asked him to meet her today which was unusual in itself. Although they had been together for a number of years now it wasn’t as though they made it a regular thing to have lunch together, at least not without a purpose.

He saw her frown a little, playing with the napkin resting on the table before her. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I was only told about this meeting yesterday myself.” She looked up at Yuki. “You know there’s been some changes happening?”

Yuki knew what she meant. The publishing company he used was currently in the middle of a ‘merger’, which could mean any number of things in the business world, most often than not a ‘take over’. As far as he knew nothing had been finalized and he had been waiting for some time to be asked to sit down with them to hear what was occurring. He had been surprised that it hadn’t happened before now.

He nodded in reply to her question and she continued. “Well, I guess that something has finally been sorted out and they’re ready to tell us now. I must admit that I’m unsure why I have been asked to come along with you today. Generally they keep the discussions very separate between we, the editors, and the clients.”

“Is that all it is?”

Mizuki shrugged. “As far as I know. They’ve been keeping this all very quiet so I don’t know anything more than that.”

“Hmm,”

Their lunch arrived then and they both began to eat quickly.

“By the way,” Mizuki said, pausing to take a sip of tea. “I’m still getting a lot of queries coming in from the USA. There’s a big demand over there for you to return and do a full book signing tour. Of course, if you went everywhere you’d be over there for years but a select tour route could cover a fair bit of the country and ensure that most people had a good opportunity to see you if they wished.”

Yuki didn’t respond. Since returning to Japan, Mizuki had broached him on this subject a number of times. It seemed that the little set up that Tohma did back at that book store in New York had been the catalyst for since then a number of prominent book store conglomerates had found a whole new market in his translated novels. Having his picture plastered through a number of papers had also apparently helped boost this interest. There had even been some offers from other publishing houses in the USA itself trying to get him to change to them. He had to admit that the offers were good but their condition was that he moved there also, something that he had no intention of doing.

“I know you don’t want to go over there to live, but it could be extremely beneficial to you to at least go for some kind of tour, even just a short one.” Mizuki added.

Yuki looked at her intently. “Why are you so insistent I do it?” he wanted to know. It wasn’t like Mizuki to push him so much about something she knew he didn’t want to do.

She sighed, setting her chopsticks down and looked back at him seriously. “Yuki, it’s just that things are a little slow here for you. There was a big gap between your last few books, due to what occurred. And you haven’t been around a great deal either. It will take a little time to regenerate the same interest. However, over there, that interest is already at a peak, with them clamouring for more. If we worked that it could escalate not just in the USA but perhaps spill over into other countries. Your books are now being translated into a number of languages so it could be an ideal time to look at promoting yourself more internationally. That way, if your popularity wanes here at homek, you will still have a number of years left on the world-wide market.”

“I’m not interested.” Yuki stated. “I hate that crap.”

Mizuki leant forward, maintaining eye contact with him. “I know you do, but this could be a very good move for you, career-wise. Can’t you put aside your dislike of such things just this once? I’m only thinking of your future.”

Yuki knew that she was, however the mere thought of not just having to go through that debacle but leaving Shuichi made his stomach knot so badly he thought he would throw up. No, he was not interested in going anywhere!

He shook his head. “No,” he snarled, fixing her with a fierce look.

She held his gaze for a moment and then sighed again. “Okay,” she said quietly, resuming eating. “I won’t raise it again.”

“Good,” he said, and the rest of the meal was finished in silence.

“So do you have any ideas for your next book yet?” She asked him as they walked to his car. He had agreed to give her a lift to the meeting as she could easily return home directly from there as it was close to the station.

“Give us a break,” he grumbled, lighting a cigarette. “The other one hasn’t been out that long.”

“Oh, I know, I just wondered if you’d had any ideas yet.”

“No,” was his simple answer.

She grinned at him. “Try and be nice in this meeting, Yuki. Not every one will be as understanding as me, you know.”

“Humph!” he snorted, not really caring.

Mizuki just shook her head as he opened the car door for her to step in. She kept her smile hidden though at his action. Sometimes Eiri Yuki could be a real gentleman, but he would hate it if it was pointed out to him.

The drive to the office wasn’t that far and fortunately reserved parking was available to them which alleviated the problem of trying to find somewhere to leave the car. They were directed to the top floor where the board room was located. That wasn’t surprising considering this was obviously an important meeting being held.

As the lift rose Yuki gazed out the glass side of the elevator, watching the ground draw further and further away as they climbed higher. He hoped this meeting wouldn’t take very long. He wanted plenty of time to go shopping after. He had already decided on what he was going to cook for Shuichi tonight. It was a meal that a fair portion could be prepared beforehand and so when he called all Yuki had to do was add the finishing touches and it would be ready. That meant that it didn’t matter how late it was Shuichi wouldn’t have to be waiting around to be fed. The only worry was that he would be so tired that he would decide to cancel again as he had last night. Well, he supposed he could always go round to his place again, and take the meal with him.

He frowned. He didn’t want to do that. He wanted Shuichi to come to him tonight. He wanted to make a nice meal for him and remind him of all the times they had eaten together just like that. Perhaps just doing that would make him feel at home again and he might start to think about moving back in. That’s what he was hoping anyway. Or if things really went well, perhaps the night wouldn’t end with just dinner either. That thought put him in a very good mood.

However those pleasant thoughts quickly evaporated when, upon entering the boardroom, he was confronted by at least twenty people, far more than the normal grouping he was used to dealing with.

He cast a quick scowl at Mizuki who raised her brows to indicate that this was a surprise to her also. He snorted quietly to himself. Yeah, Mizuki probably didn’t know anything about this, he thought, stalking over to one of the two empty chairs whilst she made her way to the other, directly opposite where he sat.

The meeting opened ordinarily enough, with the usual round of introductions, polite bows and nods, exchanging of business cards and polite pleasantries which Yuki forced himself to endure. He may have hated such formalities but he was not so stupid as to completely ignore tradition and immediately alienate these people. He tried to always ensure that he maintained as best as possible a civil working relationship with any business associates.

During the course of these proceedings he found himself being introduced to a number of new names and faces. Further discussion clarified that the ‘merger’ that he had heard about had actually gone ahead and was now a done deal. So these people were now the majority of the personnel that he would have to soon be dealing with on a regular basis.

Now he didn’t like surprises at the best of times, and changes to his work and livelihood even less impressed him. He didn’t like feeling that suddenly this was all sprung on him with no warning and it was obvious from the shell-shocked expression on Mizuki’s face that she too knew nothing about this. The way these events were unfolding made him feel that there was something more afoot, an attempt to put him at a disadvantage in some way, and that just made him angry.

Mizuki caught his eye and made a small discrete motion with one hand, a motion he easily interpreted as telling him to calm down. She would be able to pick up the small tell-tale signs of his disgruntlement even if no-one else could.

Fine, he stifled his ire and tried to remain just focused on the presentations being given about how wonderful the new company would be, blah, blah, blah. He sat back and schooled his face into blankness, letting it all flow around him, ignoring everything.

“As you can see, there are great initiatives in store for the Company and we are all proud to be a part of this new direction as we aim for a grand future.” the new Director was saying.

Yuki hid a yawn with great difficulty. He still couldn’t figure out why he and Mizuki were here. They were the only author and editor present, the rest comprising of the old board members, minus a few faces, and the new board. Since there were no other clients present he gathered that the next stage of the meeting would be specifically aimed at his own involvement within the company. He didn’t see why it was taking so long to get to the point. He didn’t care what went on behind the scenes as long as his books were published and he was paid. That’s all that mattered to him. Who ran the place and what they wanted to do with their company didn’t concern him in the least.

“Now, Mr. Yuki, I wish to thank you for taking the time to come today. It is a pleasure to have you here.”

Yuki bit back on the rude retort he was tempted to make and settled for just a sharp nod.

“As you have seen there have been a number of changes already, with further ones to come over time as we continue to develop the growth of the business. One of these major changes is that we are looking at the reassignment of staff and we feel that you would be best served with another editor. You will find in the file before you the person we have chosen to represent you. I’m sure you will be pleased with them. They come highly recommended and have been with our firm for a number of years. Now,” the Director looked down at the pages in his hands.

“Wait a minute,” Yuki snapped, stopping the man from continuing.

“Yes?” the Director looked up, surprised at being interrupted in such an uncouth manner.

Yuki scowled at him, eyes narrowed. “Just what do you mean, another editor?”

“There is no need to be concerned. They are very good and their work is always of a high caliber. You’ll have no worries with them. Now let’s move onto the next point.”

“I said, hold up!” Yuki slapped a hand down flat on the table, the sharp sound making more than one person jump. He could see Mizuki trying to frantically motion at him to calm down but he ignored her.

“I don’t care who the hell you have picked out of your little cadre, Mizuki is my editor and has been up till now and I have no intention of changing that!”

“I’m sorry but our policy is that we allocate editors to the clients based upon our requirements.” The man tried to end the topic again, but Yuki was not having any of it. After all this time there was no way he would separate from Mizuki, not after all the loyalty she had shown him, especially getting him through the difficult past year. That sort of loyalty didn’t come from a business arrangement. That came from between friends, and there were too few people that Yuki called ‘friend’ and there was no way he would turn his back on that. And he had no intention of working with some stranger that he knew nothing about and having them becoming intimately aware of his private life. That was just not going to happen!

“I am not working with anyone else except Mizuki. She does a damn good job and that’s all I need.”

The Director looked down his nose at Yuki, almost sniffing with disdain. “Mr. Yuki, you don’t have any say in this matter.”

“Oh, yes, I do!” Yuki snarled, leaning forward and glaring right back. “I work with Mizuki and no-one else or I don’t work with you at all!”

Yuki saw Mizuki hide her face with her hand, obviously in great pain or despair, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t doing this just to impress her or anyone else. He sincerely had no intention of working with anyone else. It had taken a number of years for the two of them to develop the easy, comfortable working relationship that they had and he wasn’t going to go through all of that awkwardness again.

“Are you threatening us, Mr. Yuki?” One of the other board members spoke up.

Yuki leant back in his chair, radiating icy calmness. “I’m just telling you exactly how it is. I work with Mizuki, that’s all there is to it.” He didn’t give a fuck if they were pissed off with him.

“That is quite forward of you, sir, when you have yet to sign the new contract?” the member said succinctly.

Yuki scowled at him. “What new contract?”

“It is in the folder before you - if you had bothered to look.” There was an evident sneer in the tone of voice now which was making Yuki twitch.

He flipped the folder open and saw the document they were referring to. He felt his blood beginning to boil, the rage intensifying. Mizuki was also scowling now, a look that seemed completely out of place on her usual calm countenance at this heavy handed approach.

He slammed the folder closed again. “I have no intention of signing anything until my lawyer checks it.”

“You are required to sign it now if you wish to continue to work with us, sir,” the Director stated firmly. “The prior contract is null and void due to the company changes.”

“That is not my concern,” Yuki said. “I have a valid contract until the new contract is signed. There is no clause in the previous contract that allows you to cease its validity without due notice.”

He saw the Director’s eyes flick to one of the other men at the table who Yuki recalled had been introduced as the new legal representative. This other man gave a small grimace. Ah, he thought with satisfaction. So he had been right after all. He actually couldn’t remember everything that had been in his previous contract but he had hoped that there had been such a clause. Nice to be right now and then and pull one over the bastard lawyers!

“That may be so,” the Director said, “but according to your prior contract you have been breach of the requirements in that.”

“In what way?” Yuki growled, causing the people sitting on either side of him to uneasily shift their chairs aside a little.

The Director gave him a false smile which made him want to immediately wipe it off his face. “Firstly, during the long sabbatical you had you were not able to fulfill your requirements of attending the mandatory number of follow-up interviews and other promotional activities as set out. Secondly, you were well in breach of the indicated timeframes as stated in producing your latest book.” The man smiled again. “I think this shows quite clearly that you have not met your current contract.”

Yuki ground his teeth together, his jaw almost aching with the pressure. How he wished Tohma was here with him. If anyone could cut through this kind of bullshit it was him. The Director continued to smirk at him as were some of the other men at the table.

Keep smiling, assholes, he thought darkly. Tohma would gut you and hang you with your own intestines before you even knew what was happening, and all with a smile on his face! You think you’re so good? Hah! You don’t have a clue. Compared to him you’re all amateurs!

However, unfortunately his brother-in-law was not present so that left Yuki to deal with this mess on his own.

It was obviously going to be a long day.

*************
“So is everyone clear on what is required?” K asked in a loud voice.

A row of vigorous nods answered him, possibly having more to do with the fact that he was tossing his Magnum nonchalantly from hand to hand than that the people concerned really did understand.

Sakano pushed his glasses up his nose and looked at the three members of Bad Luck, a frown of concern on his face. “It is extremely important that you follow everything exactly the way it has been planned. Every effort has been taken with security at each venue, both on and off stage, but you will still be required to take great care.” He wrung his hands as he said this and Shuichi rolled his eyes at this habitual nervous gesture.

A cold tap to his temple made him freeze in place, eyes wide as he heard a click that seemed almost deafening it was so close. “It would be wise for you to take heed of what is being said,” K said in a quiet voice, leaning closer, pressing the barrel of his gun a little firmer against Shuichi’s head. “If the ticket sales are anything to go by each place will be packed to capacity with more of a crowd gathered outside in the hope of scoring a ticket sold by scalpers, or willing to hang around in the hope of gaining a picture or autograph either before or after the show.” He removed the weapon and crossed the room to lean back against the table behind which Sakano sat, looking at the three of them seriously. “Because of that it’s going to be difficult enough with security. I’ve got my top people lined up and ready to go but you three are going to have to be careful.”

“Come on, K,” Hiro said, leaning back and lighting up a cigarette, moving over to open the window for the comfort of the others. He sat there, propping one foot up on the sill and making himself comfortable. “It’s not like this is the first time we’ve been on tour or anything. We do know what to expect.”

“So you think,” K said a little ominously. “But the interest that the public is showing in the band at the moment, mainly due to Shuichi’s new make-over and your new sound, is tenfold to what it had been previously. Tohma’s told me to make certain that nothing goes wrong,” He fixed each of the band members with a hard look. “And I don’t intend to let anything mess that up.”

Suguru quirked an eyebrow and cast a quick glance at Hiro, meeting the other’s eye, then exchanged a similar look with Shuichi. So, Tohma Seguchi was insisting on this tighter security, that was a surprise. Did that mean that he knew something that he wasn’t telling them? Or was it just general precautions? Who knew? Tohma always did what Tohma wanted, and everyone made certain that what Tohma wanted Tohma got.

Shuichi sighed, leaning back in the couch. “Okay, fine. Look, we’ve gone over this stuff a hundred times, we know what we have to do. Besides,” and he grinned at the other two men. “You’ll tell us if we get it wrong anyway!”

K suddenly grinned evilly, making Shuichi’s eyes widen and he shivered in fear. “Oh, yes,” K said almost sibilantly, “I will definitely make certain to tell you.”

Shuichi gulped and saw Suguru was looking a little queasy as well. Oh, boy, this looked like it was going to be a long, long tour to come.

“Anyway,” K suddenly stood and made his way to the door, Sakano behind him. “We’ve still got some things to finalize with Tohma so we’ll see you later.”

“So are you getting excited yet?” Hiro asked Shuichi as the three of them exited the room also and turned in the opposite direction.

“Yeah!” Shuichi replied enthusiastically, eyes sparkling. “I am! This is going to be just great!”

“Only if we get everything done on time and you finally get that last song right. You keep coming in a beat too soon, no matter how many times I tell you.” Suguru said sharply, pushing open the door of their destination and making his way directly to his beloved synthesizer.

“I’m not!” Shuichi denied hotly, following.

Suguru frowned at him. “Even after I played it back last time and compared it with the recording you can still say that?”

Shuichi stuck his tongue out at the other and Suguru just rolled his eyes. “Oh, yes, very mature!”, turning back to the keyboard and running a quick scale.

Hiro made his way over to his guitar, slinging the strap over his shoulder, smiling at his two bickering band mates. “Shu, you know you are coming in too soon so let’s just work on it, okay? You just seem to get so caught up in the song that you forget to wait that half beat.”

Shuichi grumbled as he flicked through the music sheets, not that he really needed it to read the words, or the notes for that matter, but it might help him keep the beat a little better perhaps. “Fine,” he muttered. “We’ll start with that one then.”

Without further ado, Suguru hit the opening chords, Hiro’s guitar blending immediately and Shuichi closed his eyes as he waited for a moment for his cue to sing.


“Yes! Finally!” Suguru cut his playing off sharply as he lifted his hands from the keyboard and Hiro played out the last few notes on his own.

“You did it!” Hiro said happily, walking over to give Shuichi a slap on the shoulder. “Congratulations!”

Shuichi beamed back at him, tired but pleased. It had taken them nearly two hours of practicing just that one song, and not even the entire song each time, before he finally managed to hit it spot on as Suguru insisted. He stretched his back and rolled his stiff shoulders, rubbing at the small of his back.

“Let’s have a quick break and then run it through from the start one last time,” Hiro suggested, slipping out of his guitar and setting it securely in its stand. “Who wants a drink?”

“I’ll have a cola,” Suguru said quickly, stretching his arms and wriggling his fingers.

“Coffee for me,” Shuichi said with a small yawn. “I need to try and wake up a bit.” He suddenly looked around him. “Damn it’s got dark quick.”

“Well, turn on the lights,” Suguru stated pragmatically.

Shuichi bit back the retort he was tempted to make as he made his way to the light switch. He flipped it and the lights overhead came on, all but one which gave a wavery flicker and then fell back into darkness.

“Oh, great!” Shuichi muttered, noting that it was the one directly above his microphone. Without it working the others would only throw his own shadow across the music stand.

Suguru also looked up at the black spot on the ceiling. “We should call someone to fix that.”

“That would take ages,” Shuichi said sharply. “I don’t want to have to just hang around waiting for them to turn up. I would like to actually leave here before midnight you know!”

“Why?” Hiro said as he re-entered the run, drinks in hand. “Got a hot date?”

Shuichi felt his face blush and turned away quickly, hoping that the shadows around the blown light would hide the colouration of his face from his friend. “I just don’t want to be here all night if we don’t have to be!”

“So what do you suggest we do?” Suguru asked practically, hands on hips, looking at him.

Shuichi thought about it for a moment. “There should be a maintenance closet some where on this floor,” he finally said. “All we need is a ladder and a globe. We can fix this.”

“Uh huh,” was all Suguru said, not sounding at all convinced but following Shuichi’s mad dash out the door nonetheless whilst Hiro trailed behind.

“Here,” Hiro handed over Suguru’s cola to him.

“Thanks,” Suguru took it and gratefully began to drink.

Hiro stopped and leant against the wall, sipping his own drink. “We may as well just wait here,” he said, grinning at Suguru. “Shuichi will let us know if he finds anything. There’s not much point in all of us running around madly now, is there?”

“You have a point,” Suguru replied, taking his cue and leaning back on the wall next to the taller man. “We may as well conserve our energy.”

“Now you’re getting it!” Hiro grinned at him.

Just then a joyous cry echoed down the corridor and Hiro turned his head in that direction before looking back at Suguru. “What did I tell ya? Shuichi would let us know if he found what he was looking for!” He headed off in the direction of the voice.

“Yeah,” Suguru sighed, also moving. “But he’s probably let every other person in the building know it as well!”

They turned the corner to see Shuichi struggling with a ladder under one arm, the end dragging noisily on the floor and leaving deep gouges, and a box marked ‘fragile’ slipping precariously from under the other.

Suguru and Hiro both made a dive forward, Suguru rescuing the box just before it met its demise on the floor, whilst Hiro scooped up the other end of the ladder whilst Shuichi still supported the front.

“Thanks, guys!” Shuichi said a little breathlessly, still smiling and looking very pleased with himself. “See, I said I’d be able to find the stuff!”

Suguru rolled his eyes and stood, settling the box in his arms a little more securely. “You could have waited till we got here before trying to move anything.” he stated as they began to make their way back to the room.

“You were taking too long,” Shuichi said, looking over his shoulder.

By this time they had returned and Hiro immediately set up the ladder beneath the blown light.

“I’ll go up,” Shuichi said, clambering up the first few steps. “You pass me the light, Hiro.” he instructed.

“Have you ever changed a light globe before, Shuichi?” Hiro asked, a little amused at his friend’s eagerness.

“No,” Shuichi replied, looking down. “How hard could it be?”

Suguru was beginning to look a little alarmed, although Hiro didn’t seem to be that concerned. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to just call Maintenance and have the professionals do it?” he said, getting a bad feeling about this.

“It’s fine,” Shuichi said, as he now stood on the very top step, reaching upwards. “Stop being such an old woman and hand me up the light.”

Suguru passed the new globe to Hiro who extended his long arms upwards as Shuichi bent down grab it.

“Shouldn’t you take the old one out first so you have your hands free?” Suguru called up, beginning to feel anxiety build as he watched his colleague balanced precariously and trying to undo the original fittings whilst not dropping the new light.

Suguru glanced towards Hiro, who was now leaning casually against the ladder, smoking. “Shouldn’t you be doing something?” he prodded him, pointing up at Shuichi.

Hiro just shook his head. “Don’t sweat it.”

Suguru took a step back and then determinedly turned his back on the scene. If he didn’t look he might save himself from getting an ulcer. A sudden clatter broke his resolution and he spun around to see the old light fitting come free, dangle by one end for a moment as Shuichi tried not to drop the new light, before it dropped directly downwards. He held his breath, waiting for the shattering crash as it impacted with the floor, but instead it fell into the ready and waiting hands of Hiro below. He let his breath out with a whoosh of relief.

Hiro grinned at him. “See, told you it would be fine!”

Suguru frowned at him. “Well, I think you’re pushing your luck!” he said emphatically. Hiro just laughed and set the light over on a table, well clear of everything before moving back to his position at the base of the ladder.

Just at that moment the door opened and Sakano walked in, staring at a sheaf of papers in his hands. “Ah, Shuichi, there were a few…..”

His voice trailed off as his eyes rose to take in the scene before him. His eyes flicked first to Surguru, standing to one side, arms crossed over his chest. Then to Hiro, where he smoked with one foot resting on the lowest step of the ladder. Then, slowly, his eyes traveled up the ladder to the very top where he could see Shuichi standing almost on tip-toes as he struggled to fit the new light into the recently vacated fitting. The papers fell from his nerveless fingers in a fluttering rain of white to lay forgotten around his feet as his face blanched to match.

“Shindou! What are you doing?!” He all but shrieked in horror.

Shuichi looked down briefly. “Oh, hi, Sakano. Be with you a minute.”

“Shinnnnndouuuu!” Sakano wailed, arms flapping as though he was attempting to try and fly to where Shuichi stood.

Suguru and Hiro watched the antics for a moment, Sakano was always good for amusement value, then Hiro turned back to Suguru. “So have you got any plans after the tour?” he asked the younger man.

Suguru shook his head. “Nothing really. I just want to get this over and done with and know that we’re back on top.”

Hiro exhaled. “Yeah, I admit that it will be a relief to have this first step out of the way. It’s been a bummer having to put so much effort into it.”

“That’s only because it’s cut down on your time to be all lovey-dovey with Ayaka!” Shuichi called down from his position above their heads. “You haven’t been able to do all your kissey-kissey!”

“No comments allowed from the peanut gallery,” Hiro said calmly, not even looking up.

“Who’re you calling a monkey?!” Shuichi declared as he almost swung by one hand from the light fitting, feet scrabbling frantically to grab some purchase on the ladder as it swayed precariously for a moment whilst Sakano danced around frantically below, arms out in an attempt to catch Shuichi if he should fall.

Hiro simply raised one eyebrow, looking up, and said, “Need you ask?”

Shuichi managed to get his footing secured then stuck his tongue out at his best friend before dropping to the floor in one leap from the top, at which Sakano promptly collapsed in a heap on the floor in a dead faint.

Shuichi went over and flipped the switch back on and beamed brightly as the repaired light flickered into life to match the others. “Perfect!” he said, giving his band members the thumbs up.

“So what did Sakano want?” Hiro queried Suguru, as he fanned the still unconscious man.

The keyboardist glanced at one of the papers he was gathering up from the floor, reading through it and shrugged as he added it to the growing pile. “No idea. He’ll tell us when he wakes up.” He stood and placed the sheaf on the table. “Meanwhile let’s go over that song again and see if Shuichi remembers to get it right.”

“Not again!” Shuichi almost wailed. He looked imploring at Hiro. “Aren’t you tired? Can’t we just finish up now? I’ve already got it right once!”

Hiro just smiled at him, walking over to his guitar. “Then you should be able to do it a second time as well.” he said.

Shuichi slouched towards his place, shoulders slumped. “Damn slave drivers!” he muttered under his breath, taking a sip from his drink as Suguru and Hiro ran through the intro and he launched himself into the first verse.

As he sang his eyes focused on the wall clock before him. It was getting late but if he got this right then he would still be able to get to Yuki’s. He sang on with all his concentration then.

************

Shuichi was breathless when he pressed the doorbell, leaning over to ease the stitch in his side before straightening again. He waited, wondering what was taking Yuki so long to answer the door. He had called earlier as he had left the studio but had received no answer just the message bank, which had surprised him. Still he had left the message letting Yuki know he was on his way.

Now he was beginning to wonder if something had happened. Perhaps Yuki had been called away urgently for a family emergency or something. But surely he would have let him know if that was the case. After all, it was he who had made the invitation in the first place so if Yuki was the one to cancel it wouldn’t he have told him?

He was just thinking that he would leave when he heard a click and the door swung open to reveal Yuki standing in the dark hall way.

“Ah,” Shuichi paused, taking note of the state of the man before him. Yuki’s hair was in a mess as though he had been running his fingers through it constantly, his shirt was half unbuttoned and half pulled out of his slacks, a cigarette dangling from his mouth. He was in bare feet, his house slippers still neatly placed at the door, unused.

“Uhm, is this a bad time?” Shuichi asked a little hesitantly. Something was definitely wrong.

Yuki stared at him for a moment as though trying to place who he was and why he was at his door, then understanding seemed to dawn on him.

“Oh, it’s you,” he grunted and turned and walked away, leaving the door wide open and Shuichi still standing uncertainly in the corridor. “Well, hurry up and get in!”

“Sure,” Shuichi hurried inside and closed the door securely behind him, the place immediately plunging into darkness. Had Yuki been sitting here in the dark? What was going on?

He walked forward, running through his memory of his last visit to this apartment to determine if anything had changed that he was likely to bump into. He managed to make it to the living area, one outstretched hand finding the edge of the couch and he sat down with a small sigh of relief.

“Ah, Yuki, have you got a problem with the lights?” he finally asked, making out the darker shape of the other man standing in the kitchen.

“What?” Yuki snapped, then he moved and there a click and the kitchen light turned on.

There was silence for a moment more as Shuichi waited for Yuki to say something else but he just remained where he was, one hand lifting the glass it held to his lips. Glancing past him, Shuichi could see that there was no sign of anything cooking and there certainly wasn’t any cooking smells either in the apartment. Hadn’t Yuki checked his messages?

“Want a coffee?” Yuki suddenly broke the silence, startling Shuichi.

“Uhm, yeah. That’d be good.”

“Humph,”

Shuichi watched as Yuki slowly moved around the kitchen, setting the water to boil, getting out a mug. The measured movements made him suddenly completely sure. Yuki was drunk. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Yuki drunk before. Shit, he’d seen him drunk heaps of times in fact, so much so that he was throwing up. That wasn’t any surprise at all. But Yuki was actually one of these drunks that seemed to be able to stay in complete control, right up to the moment that they passed out. For Yuki to be having to take such great care with everything he was doing meant that he was quite drunk. When did he start drinking, he wondered.

“Is…something the matter, Yuki?” he asked a little hesitantly, unsure if it was even his place to ask such a question.

“Why do you ask?” Yuki glanced over at him, his face expressionless, as though daring Shuichi to call him a drunk to his face.

“Ah, you just seem a little….out of sorts.” Shuichi scrabbled for something to say, all the time beginning to feel more uncomfortable. “Er, look, if you’d rather be alone that’s fine, I’ll go. We can do this another time.”

He made to get up when Yuki’s sharp voice halted him.

“Sit down!”

Shuichi looked over to see Yuki glaring at him, both hands flat on the kitchen counter. “I’m making you a coffee so you will fucking sit down and drink it!”

Shuichi slowly lowered himself back to the couch, cautiously eyeing the other. The hairs on the back of his neck were beginning to twitch with apprehension. Nothing more was said as the coffee brewed and Shuichi watched as Yuki continued to drink the amber liquid in the glass he held.

Finally he walked over to where he was and Shuichi steeled himself, every muscle tensing up as though he was the prey watching a predator pace ever closer, ready to flee if need be at a moments notice. Yuki thumped the mug down before him, almost hard enough to slosh the coffee over the sides.

“That’s for you,” he said almost sullenly, throwing himself into the opposite corner of the couch.

“Er, thanks,” Shuichi replied, reaching out a little hesitantly to pick up the drink. He really did want a coffee, it had been a very long day.

He suddenly noticed what mug he was holding. It was the one that he had left here with Yuki to replace the one he had accidentally broken. Was it only six nights ago? He looked at the funny figure on it, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. This mug had gone through a lot with him.

“It’s yours,” Yuki suddenly said.

Shuichi looked over at him quickly, seeing him watching him with a steady gaze that seemed to be trying to peer into his very soul.

“That cup,” Yuki continued. “It’s yours. You always had the stupid thing.”

Shuichi bristled a little at that comment but held his tongue, instead taking a sip of the hot beverage.

“Every time I saw the damn thing I missed you,” Yuki muttered as though talking to himself yet Shuichi could hear every word clearly. “I wanted to throw it out, you know. Along with all the rest of the stuff. But I couldn’t, I just couldn’t do it. I kept waiting for you come back and get it, and I knew you’d be pissed if any of it was missing and you’d just scream and cry and be completely annoying.”

“Well, if you don’t want it I’ll take it with me when I leave.” Shuichi replied, wondering if that is what Yuki was trying to say to him, that he didn’t want to have any of his stuff in his apartment any more.

“Is that your answer to everything?” Yuki snarled, leaning forward so quickly it made Shuichi jump a little. He hurriedly put the cup back on the table, worried he was going to spill it, before turning to try and deal with a belligerent Yuki.

Yuki was leaning closer to him and Shuichi could see his hands clenched into fists. “Is that going to be your answer? Just leave, just take everything away? Are you trying to get back at me or something?”

Shuichi moved away a fraction, not understanding what Yuki was getting at. Whatever was going on in the other’s mind just seemed to be making him angrier by the minute and Shuichi was beginning to think that he needed to get out of here and let him just calm down.

He stood and turned to head for the door. “Look, Yuki, you’re drunk. I don’t know what’s gone on and you’re not interested in telling me so I think it’s better if I just go and leave you to sleep it off. I’ll talk to you tomorrow when you’re more yourself.”

He didn’t hear a thing but suddenly felt a presence looming behind him and he turned quickly to see Yuki right there, seeming to tower over his smaller stature. He backed up quickly only to feel the wall hit his back, bringing his retreat to an abrupt halt.

Yuki crowded in close, one palm slamming hard against the wall by his head. Golden eyes glared down at him as though burning with a fire lit deep inside.

“You think you can just leave me again? Do you know how long I looked for you? How long it took? All the crap I went through, just for get your sorry arse back here?!”

Yuki leant in even closer and Shuichi could feel the heat radiating from the lean body before him as his voice dropped to a low dangerous rumble. “Do you think I’m just going to let you walk out of here without anything? All you’ve done is kiss me, if you could call that pathetic excuse of a thing last night a kiss even! You’re mine, remember? I know every inch of your body; I know every nook and crevice. I know everything that makes you moan and cry out and squirm like a bitch in heat. You’re mine!”


Yuki leant down now, capturing Shuichi’s eyes with his own hard ones, daring him to try and escape him and knowing that he could still easily over power the younger man even if he tried to do so. He was sick of waiting. He wanted Shuichi, he couldn’t hold back any more. He wanted to hold him, he wanted to feel his kisses, he wanted to feel those arms wrapped around him tightly, feel those hands roam over his skin, banking the internal fires. He wanted to feel that warmth, that love. Oh, how he wanted to feel that love!

He pressed in closer, intent on capturing those partially open lips in a searing kiss, to devour that enticing mouth. He would kiss him senseless and just pick him up and take him to bed. He wanted them to at least be comfortable for he intended to worship Shuichi’s body in every possible way that he could.

Their lips were almost touching when Yuki froze with what he saw in those amethyst eyes gazing back at him. There wasn’t any longing, there was no warmth or need or desire or want. What he saw in them was fear, but more than that was anger, and contempt.

He realized then that Shuichi had one arm up, crossed over his chest, blocking Yuki from coming any closer, preventing his body from touching the other, the hand clenched in a fist. He could feel the muscles in that arm completely rigid and those eyes seemed to dare him to try and go any further. Everything about Shuichi was saying in no uncertain terms that he had no intention of letting Yuki do anything else. The only way would be for him to truly force him, completely over power him and subdue him. However, the power and strength that Yuki could feel generating from that arm blocking him made it quite clear that Shuichi was more than ready to take him on and fight back, and it was more than clear that such an altercation would most likely result in injuries to both sides.

Yuki felt like he had been dowsed with a wave of icy water and he half stumbled back, disgust filling his mind as he realized what he had been trying to do.

“I…I….” He began to say but then his drunken anger surfaced again, as he was unable to face his guilt over his actions just at this moment. “It’s your fault!” he snapped instead, his voice cracking, ignoring the other internal voice that was wailing in despair and screaming at him to stop before he destroyed everything. “You sit there tempting me, reminding me of how things used to me, holding everything back and never letting me have it again! It’s your fault!”

Shuichi pushed himself away from the wall, automatically straightening his clothes, his eyes cold as they gazed back at the slumped man before him. “You,” he said in a flat even voice. “Are pathetic.”

He turned on his heels, brushing against the table corner as he side-stepped around Yuki, making his way briskly to the door and left, the door slamming with a finality behind him.

Yuki heard the door close loudly but what captured his attention was the sight of Shuichi’s mug that teetered on the table corner, displaced by its owner as he had passed by. As if in slow motion it rocked twice then tipped, falling from the table edge, liquid raining down wards as it tumbled over, landing with a thud to the floor.

Yuki gazed down at the broken pieces, the cup split almost precisely in half, watching as the last vestiges of coffee drained out of the receptacle. He fell to his knees, shaking hands blindly going out to pick up the remains, cradling them to his chest as he began to rock backwards and forwards. What had he done, he moaned.

A single hot tear splashed down on the two halves. Looking at those shattered pieces he couldn’t help but feel that this was a sign, a symbol of their broken relationship.

And he knew that this time he had been solely and entirely responsible for this utter destruction.