Be My Knight

Be My Knight
A Code Geass fan fiction story
Written by Archangel
Edited by Comixgal

Chapter 9 – Dreams and Nightmares

{Author’s Note: This chapter is dedicated to Sven Dular. The music suggestion for this chapter is “Lazy Summer Days” by Cornandbeans. It may be found on the Newgrounds Audio Portal, submission number 89792. Further notes at the end. Enjoy, and please provide feedback! RATE and/or REVIEW, please!}


It shouldn’t have woken him up. It was almost inaudible, even mere inches away. I guess I’m just that attuned to her, Suzaku thought as he opened his eyes. Moisture greeted his touch as he ran a finger across her soft cheek.

“I’m sorry…” came an agonized whisper from the darkness.

“Wake up, love.” Suzaku kissed her forehead tenderly, his hand slipping around to rub her back. “I’m here. Don’t cry.”

A sleepy murmur: “Suzaku?” Slim arms wrapped around his neck, hugging him desperately. “Oh thank God… hold me!”

“What’s wrong, Euphie?” Suzaku cradled his lady lovingly, rubbing in a gentle rhythm through the silk of her nightgown. “Please, let me help.”

She shivered in his embrace despite the heavy covers enfolding them. “I couldn’t sleep for days after you were hurt last month…” Euphemia Li Britannia explained haltingly. “When I finally did manage to sleep, I started having this same dream over and over. It won’t go away!” Her sob was muffled by Suzaku’s shoulder.

“Shhh… It’s alright, beloved. Everything’s okay now,” Suzaku soothed. “Tell me about the dream.”

“I—we’re back in that alleyway. I see the man stab you with the sword. Every time I try to cry out, to move to help you, but I can’t do anything! He pulls the sword out of you, brings it up to strike—and then this huge gun appears in my hand, and I shoot the man. He flies away from you, and blood goes everywhere.” Euphie shuddered. “Time stops for a moment and I see him lying there in a heap. Then everything goes black and I just see his face in front of me. He doesn’t look like a monster anymore, he doesn’t look mean. The man… he just looks so sad, so confused! He asks me why I killed him… I try to explain that I wanted to save you, but I can’t speak! I can’t explain, I can’t apologize!” Euphie’s voice was rising to a hysterical pitch. “And then his face melts away and his skull comes rushing towards me—!” She broke down completely, sobbing into Suzaku’s shoulder.

Suzaku held Euphie tightly in the darkness, stroking her hair. When her tears began to subside, he nestled her comfortably against him and began to speak in a calm, gentle voice.

“Euphie, you killed somebody. Right or wrong, justified or not, your mind will always punish you for taking another human life. These dreams are your subconscious telling you that what you did was wrong. I’m not yelling at you,” Suzaku added firmly as she started to protest. “You did exactly the right thing.” He kissed Euphemia’s flowing fuchsia hair. “But you never forgive yourself for taking another life. Your soul makes you pay penance.” Suzaku sighed and ran his palm tenderly over her cheek. “I’m so sorry it came to that, my love. I never ever wanted you to face this pain.”

“You want to take all the pain on yourself?” Euphie asked.

“Yes,” Suzaku answered simply.

Euphie spent several minutes pondering Suzaku’s words. “Do you dream about the people you’ve killed?” she finally asked.

“Yes…” Suzaku whispered. Faces flashed across his closed eyelids. “Yes, I do. I remember each face that I saw before… before the end. I pray for each one every night.”

“Does that bring you peace?”

“No.”

A despairing whimper escaped Euphie’s lips. “Will I have this dream every night for the rest of my life?”

“It’s possible,” Suzaku answered honestly; there was no point in lying to her. “I asked some Japanese soldiers about it after my… first time. They told me that the dreams come less and less in time, but never go away entirely. My mentor told me: ‘you never forget your first kill, and anyone who doesn’t have nightmares about it is a demon.’”

“Demon?”

“Just the way he talks. I think the technical term is ‘psychopath.’ These nightmares are a good sign,” Suzaku told her comfortingly. “They mean that you have a conscience.”

“How many people have you killed?” Euphie whispered.

“I’m not sure,” Suzaku replied. “Not many, I think. But if you’re asking how many faces come into my dreams—seven. I only fought six of those kids face-to-face, and then there’s…” he trailed off, pressing his face into Euphie’s neck.

“Your father,” the Princess finished softly, holding him tight. “Oh my. I shouldn’t whine about my guilt while you have to deal with—”

“—Oh, hush,” Suzaku cut her off gently, catching Euphie’s soft lips and kissing her breathless. “With your help, I think I can atone,” he told her when they parted. “Together, we can make a real difference in this world.”

Euphemia smiled adoringly, slipping a hand under Suzaku’s shirt. The heavy scar tissue felt a little different, but it was still Suzaku. Euphie was getting used to it. “You really mean it, don’t you?” she murmured. “You really think you can change Britannia from the inside out.”

“No, I can’t,” Suzaku whispered softly, shivering under her warm touch. “But *we* can.”

The Princess giggled at his reaction. “I believe in you, Suzaku,” She breathed into his ear. “You can do it. I know you can.”

“Not without you,” her knight replied.

“I used to think that changing anything about Britannia was hopeless. The arrogance, the violence, the cruelty and oppression…” Euphie mused aloud. “But when I met you—you gave me hope. You believe so strongly, and I believe so strongly in you…” She trailed off. “I’m not making sense, am I?” Euphie asked rhetorically. She leaned in and nibbled playfully on Suzaku’s earlobe.

Suzaku laughed. “I understand, angel.”

Euphie rolled over, pressing her back against Suzaku’s chest. His arms came around her automatically, evoking a happy sigh. Truly, this is heaven, Euphie mused to herself. On a sudden impulse, she began to sing very softly:

There’s a new world somewhere
They call the Promised Land,
And I’ll be there someday,
If you will hold my hand.

I still need you there beside me
No matter what I do,
For I know I’ll never find
Another you.

There is always Someone
For each of us, they say,
And you’ll be my Someone
Forever and a day!

I could search the whole world over
Until my life is through,
But I know I’ll never find
Another you.

It’s a long, long journey,
So stay by my side.
When I walk through the storm,
You’ll be my guide,
Be my guide.

If they gave me a fortune,
My treasure would be small.
I could lose it all tomorrow
And never mind at all.

But if I should lose your love, Dear,
I don’t know what I’d do.
For I know I’ll never find
Another you.

It’s a long, long journey,
So stay by my side.
When I walk through the storm,
You’ll be my guide…
Be my guide…

Euphie’s gentle Soprano trailed off, leaving Suzaku entranced for a minute or so. “Where’s that from?” he asked.

“It’s an old sailing song,” Euphie replied. She sighed softly, feeling the steely cords of muscle under her boyfriend’s warm skin. “I always feel so safe when you’re here,” the princess murmured.

Suzaku blushed invisibly in the darkness. “Thank you. But I’m not enough, as we learned.”

“Yes, you are! You saved me from over a dozen assassins single-handedly!” Euphie protested.

“And I damn near got myself killed in the process,” Suzaku replied with a grunt. “What if there’d been one more, Euphie? You’d be dead now.” He kissed her forehead softly, his hands stroking her sides. “I need people who can back me up. You’re far too precious to lose. That’s why we’re finally going to go ahead and form the unit.”

“Huh? What unit?”

Suzaku blinked twice. “Didn’t she tell you? Princess Cornelia has authorized me to form your personal guard.”

“Oh.” Euphie smiled in some bemusement. “I’d forgotten all about that. My sister has her Glaston Knights, but I’m no good at fighting so I figured one elite knight would be plenty.”

“No, especially not once you become Viceroy,” Suzaku responded with a shake of the head. “Just as I will be the core of your knights, so they will be the core of the Army forces under your command. Nominally you’ll be the commander of the unit, but it’s up to you how active a role you want to take in actually running it.”

“Not very,” Euphie responded with a giggle. “I guess I’m going to have to trust my right-hand man to run things for me.”

“As you wish, My Lord,” Suzaku told her just before delivering a tender kiss.

Euphie sighed happily as she kissed back, tugging Suzaku’s shirt up and over his head. “What are we calling my unit, anyway?”

Suzaku smiled. “I was thinking ‘the Dover Knights.’ You are the white princess, after all.”

“People call me that? I never knew.”

“The Elevens do. Some in admiration, some sarcastically.” Suzaku shrugged. “Lots of people still think you’re just a figurehead.” He snorted.

“Well, I am, aren’t I? I’m only sixteen, and being Sub-Viceroy doesn’t exactly give me vast powers.”

“Euphie, I’ve never known you to back down once you decide to do something. Like hell you’re a figurehead.”

Euphemia Li Britannia thought for a moment, then smiled. “Alright, then. The Dover Knights. White knights to oppose the Black Knights, hmm?”

“That thought had occurred to me as well,” Suzaku answered. “If I can find people with good hearts, who we can trust not to be brutal and corrupt like much of the military, then I think we can set an example for everyone in Area 11. I’m also going to recruit both Britannians and Elevens.”

“My sister won’t like that. Neither will my father,” Euphie warned.

Suzaku nodded. “I know. But all recruits are going to have to prove themselves to ME before they become Dover Knights. Everyone’s going to have to meet the same standards.”

Euphie thought about it for a moment, then nodded. “Where are you going to pull them from?”

“I’m going to pick out promising raw recruits of both categories from the regular army, as well as a few Britannians of good family from that face book the Viceroy gave you.”

Euphie giggled again. “The list of acceptable candidates to be my knight? That was a waste of paper,” she told Suzaku lovingly. “I knew who I wanted.” She pressed her face into Suzaku’s neck and began teasing with her tongue, licking beneath his mandible.

This had the usual effect of driving Suzaku crazy. He slipped his hands beneath Euphie’s nightgown and tickled her sides in retaliation.

“Hey! Stoppit!” A brief tickle-war ensued, followed by many minutes of kissing and stroking.

“This is about when we make love, right?” Suzaku eventually asked Euphie with an impish smile.

Euphie shook her head. “Snuggle,” she told Suzaku firmly, nestling up against Suzaku’s side and hugging him like a teddy bear.

Suzaku laughed softly, enfolding her in his strong arms. “Yes, Your Highness.”


{More Author’s Note: The thrust of the first part of this chapter came from “On Killing” by Dave Grossman. It’s an absolutely fascinating book, and I can’t recommend it highly enough. It’s surprisingly readable for a psychological study. Anyway, I am *not* making up the idea of your mind punishing you for killing someone. There are about 2-5% of people who do not feel guilt over killing. They are delicately termed “aggressive psychopaths,” if memory serves.

The mentor Suzaku speaks of is, of course, Todoh.

The song that Euphie sings to Suzaku is “I’ll Never Find Another You” by The Seekers. I *vastly* prefer the cover by Schooner Fare, but they’re slightly obscure. It’s part of a medley of Seekers tunes that Schooner Fare cooked up. To the best of my knowledge it’s not an actual sea shanty, but it certainly sounds like one, and Britain *is* a seafaring nation. I’ve been known to sing the song a capella now and again. ;) Musical taste aside, it’s an amazing love poem. I think it would sound quite beautiful in a nice soprano like Euphie’s.

If you haven’t noticed, I’ve tried to maintain white as Euphie’s thematic color throughout “Be My Knight.” This is partly to match Suzaku, the white knight, of course. But it also represents her purity of spirit. If you really haven’t realized it yet, the name “Dover Knights” stems from Dover, England, home of the White Cliffs. I know that Britannia has been forced to abandon the British Isles for North America, but most of their names are still after places in England. For example, Glaston is a small village in the Midlands or someplace. I forget exactly.

“Mandible” is the formal name for the jaw bone. And the jaw bone’s connected to the… head bone… ^^

See you next week! Same Angel time, same Angel channel!}