Hell and Healing

SPOILERS: All manga, all anime, L's true name, Another Note, Law and Right, Truth and Justice, Motive and Mayhem.

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Hell and Healing

Chapter 9: Acceptance

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Near was sitting at a console, looking at data that seemed little more than gibberish to Mello. He came close, lowering to his knees next to the chair, keeping his gaze lowered as he awaited attention.

A moment passed before Near tapped a few keys and turned slightly to look down at Mello. "Finished?"

"Yes," Mello replied softly, looking up at Near.

"You wish to find boundaries," Near nodded to himself, sitting back in the chair and twirling a bit of hair around a finger. "Do you wish for the relationship to be sexual in nature?"

"I wish for it to be whatever you want it to be," Mello said, rubbing the back of his neck a little. "Matt and I... we never really had this talk, so I don't know..."

"Then I will make the decisions," Near agreed softly. "You have the right and the obligation to voice any disagreement with any of my decisions. I expect you to do so tactfully and in private unless it cannot be helped. This will not be a sexual relationship, but you will still belong to me completely and constantly," he reached out, touched the collar. "You will wear this unless in disguise for a case. You will not, for any reason, have sexual intercourse without my express permission, but you may use any other method to relieve sexual arousal. Is that agreeable?"

"Yes," Mello replied softly. "What do you want me to call you?"

"Master will be fine in private. Near when there are others around," he said, reaching down to run his hands through Mello's hair. "We'll develop a relationship over the next few weeks, and go to the orphanage for Christmas. Matt will not be there."

"Yes, master," Mello said, and a soft smile rose on his lips, his eyes closing as that hand traced through his hair. It felt so good, to have hands on him again, to have that security of a master, of someone who was committed to him, who would protect him and care for him.

Near smiled softly. "I'll learn to read you, as well," he muttered as he took a few minutes to simply explore Mello's hair, watching the way it slid over his fingers. It was much softer than his own, straight and golden where his was a mess of curls and kinks as grey as an old man's.

"It's not too difficult," Mello replied, shifting closer to drape himself over one of Near's legs. The other one was tucked up against Near's chest, of course.

"You're so affectionate," Near mused. "Is it because you trust me now?"

"Yeah," Mello agreed, closing his eyes and relaxing.

A few moments later, Near chuckled softly. Mello had fallen asleep so rather than waking him, he reached out and pulled the console closer, returning to work. Every now and then, a hand absently drifted down to toy with that silky hair that would soon become a bit of an obsession for him.

The rules were simple. He was permitted to do nothing but serve Near while he was awake, and had to ask to take care of any basic needs that arose. He asked to go to the restroom, to have a drink, to get Near a drink when he mentioned he was thirsty. He asked to order dinner, to plate it, to serve it, to eat it, to do anything but breath and sit at his master's feet. An enforcement routine, Mello knew, to help his mind put Near in the position of Master more firmly.

It was, Mello knew, a good move. He spent most of his time sitting at Near's feet, resting his head on one of Near's legs as the white-haired man worked. He'd grown up, tall and stringy as L was. They were so similar, and yet so different. Mello often found himself simply smiling as he looked up at Near, as he settled comfortably into the life of a pet.

For two days, he managed to obey flawlessly. It was on the third night that he made his first mistake. He woke in the middle of the night with an intense urge to pee, so of course he got up and took care of it.

Without waking Near.

At least, he hadn't known he'd woken Near. Until he opened the bathroom door and saw his master standing there. When he realized his mistake, his face darkened as his eyes diverted to the floor. "I'm sorry, master."

"You will be punished," Near replied softly. "Then you may apologize."

Mello nodded softly and followed Near into his bedroom. The closet door slid open and there was a pair of cuffs bolted to the metal closet wall. He walked into the closet, turning to face near and placing his wrists in the cuffs. Near secured them and closed the door. leaving Mello in complete darkness.

He hung his head once the door was closed, giving a quiet sigh and closing his eyes. He should have known better, should have thought to wake Near, but he hadn't. He stood there silently, kicking himself for his disobedience and waiting patiently for the punishment to end.

The punishment seemed to last for hours as he stood there, shifting slightly, moving his hands once in a while to get comfortable. He was restless and uncomfortable, and the closet was beginning to get stuffy despite the ventilation that was sending a soft breeze through.

It wasn't until he got an itch in a place he couldn't reach that he realized what he was doing wrong. He was squirming, fussing and generally obsessing with his own discomfort. It was like the dog cage and the cereal had been. Only once he let go of his pride would his suffering end. He sighed heavily when he realized it, shifting slightly and standing at attention.

He remained as still as he could, eyes closed as he turned his thoughts away from himself, to Near. He focused on Near's goals, his desires, and considered how his actions had gone against what Near was aiming for. He remained still as he explored the reasons for his actions, and why they were undesirable.

He was running his mind through the process for the third time when the door slowly creaked open. Mello opened his eyes slowly, lifting his gaze to meet Near's.

"You may speak," Near said softly.

"I apologize for ignoring your authority and taking it upon myself to make a decision for you," Mello replied, shifting his gaze back to the floor as a blush rose on his cheeks. "Thank you for punishing me." He shivered softly when Near reached out, ran a hand along the side of his face.

"I accept your apology," Near whispered, reaching out to release Mello's wrists. "You may return to bed now. Remember to wake me if you need to do things during the night."

"Yes, master," Mello replied. "Thank you."

Near stepped aside and Mello crossed into the room, heading to the door to return to his own room. He paused in the doorway, looking over his shoulder at Near.

"Master?"

"Yes?" Near was pulling back the sheets of his bed, slipping under the covers once more.

"Why do we sleep in separate rooms?"

"You must earn a place in my bed, in my arms. When you have successfully completed your training, you will sleep in my bed," he replied with a soft smile. "Good night, Mello."

"Thank you. Good night, master." Mello returned the smile, then retreated to his bedroom for the night.

The weeks passed by slowly, and as each one passed, the number of mistakes and punishments decreased. There was a small whiteboard that Near kept on the wall, tracking Mello's progress. Every week that disobedience decreased, he was rewarded. The weeks when it increased, he was given an additional punishment.

It was a simple system and after six weeks of training, Near announced that Mello was done with the first phase of training. He no longer had to ask for bodily necessities, like food or bathroom use. He was given more responsibilities and permitted to sleep in Near's bed, but only if he laid at the foot.

That phase turned out to be a quick one. Soon Mello had found his normal with Near and was sleeping next to him in the bed. Even when Near didn't hold him close at night, his sleep had returned to something like normal, he gained a bit of weight and lost some of the hardness in his face.

Still, not an ounce of the relationship was sexual, aside from the prohibition on sexual intercourse and asking Near for permission to rid himself of arousal. Matt often entered his mind, but there was no more bitterness or sadness there. He felt no more grief from the memories, no longer wished to run and hide from them.

Christmas would be upon them soon, and Mello was allowed to begin working on cases again, taking a small portion of the profits as an allowance. He spent it mostly on chocolate and Christmas presents as the season intensified and the Christmas spirit seemed to take Europe by storm.

Christmas morning, Mello sat beneath the small tree he'd bought for the base, set up and decorated with the trimmings Near had bought. He wore a big, red bow on his head, as per Near's orders, and held a gift box in his lap as he waited for Near to finish in the restroom and come downstairs.

When Near came down, he smiled when he saw Mello beneath the tree, walking over to kneel in front of Mello. "Are you my present this year?" he asked, amusement threading through his voice.

"One of them, master," Mello agreed, a nervous smile rising on his lips as he offered up the box he was holding. "This is the other."

Near took the present, settling it on his own legs and carefully unwrapping it, slipping the box out of the paper and pulling off the lid. What he saw inside made him smile as he pulled it out. It was an outfit for winter weather that would actually fit him. A white, faux fur lined parka, a white sweater made of the softest yarn Near had ever felt, a pair of thick, white corduroy pants and white snow boots with chains over the soles for grip.

"Thank you, pet," Near said softly, reaching out to slide his hand through Mello's hair, tugging down the bow as he did so and leaning in to kiss Mello's forehead. "I'll wear it today when we go to the orphanage."

Mello smiled softly, leaning into the touch. "I'm glad you like it, Master. I was thinking of the time when you came looking for me, and wanted to give you something that would help people see you for the capable person you are," a blush crept up on his cheeks.

"This will certainly help with that," Near agreed with a smile. "Why don't I go fetch your present," he suggested, pulling away and rising to his feet, going to the small closet that he'd forbidden Mello from going into and pulling a small, neatly wrapped present from the top shelf. He closed the door as he came back to the living area. He knelt again, held the present out for Mello.

"Thank you," Mello said, reaching out to accept it and carefully pulled the wrapping off. He gave a soft laugh when he got the paper out of the way to see the box. It was an old tin, made to look like a chocolate bar. He pulled the tin open and the smile disappeared under the surprise that struck him.

It was a book. Not just any book, but a Bible, with a Catholic's rosary. He looked up at Near. "How did you know?" he asked softly.

Near smiled softly. "The handkerchief," he explained. "Whenever you were particularly upset, you would end up in a church. Often, you went for mass, so it wasn't very difficult to piece together. I noticed that you hadn't brought these things with you and felt it was important for you to know that you don't need to hide your faith."

"Thank you, Master," Mello smiled softly and couldn't quite help the tears that were rising in his eyes. When Near embraced him, he let the tears go, hugged him tightly and took the offered comfort until he was able to get his emotions under control. The one thing he'd always kept hidden from Matt had been something Near told him was acceptable.

It was in that moment that Mello knew he was finally going to be able to move on.

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A/N: Ha! You see?! The church scene was significant!

Grin: Yeah, that's going to be an interesting chapter or two, I think. But it's still a little way off. It might not happen for another two or three chapters, depending on how short my next plot point ends up being, but it's certainly going to be a twist. =3

Matilda: No problem, I just wanted to make sure you weren't thinking I was a friend or something and not realizing you read the wrong story or something like that. =3

Yeah, the change of the collar was something I had decided to do almost from the beginning, I just wasn't sure if I wanted to stick Mello with Near, but when I decided to do things this way... I really liked it. He's with Near, still, but not in quite the same way that he was with Matt, and I really think that's the important part. I didn't want Near to become a replacement for Matt, so I wanted Mello's relationship with him to be entirely different.

Awww, well, Mello's in about as safe a place as he can be, right now. =3 And he's quite happy there, as you can see. I don't think he's going to go through anything too traumatic for the rest of this story. It's in the winding down stages now, though there are at least two to three more important plot points I'm going to hit, Mello isn't going to be devastated by any of them. (At least, I'm not planning for any of them to be like that. They might end up that way, but it's not in the outline right now.)

LoLaFrOmSoHo: Awww, thank you! I'm really glad to know that my story is so powerful. I didn't realize it was quite that engaging, but it makes me happy to know that it is!

Yes, Near and Mello's relationship will be a healthy one, and significantly different from Mello and Matt's relationship had been. Though I'm pretty sure this chapter makes that obvious. (And the only reason Mello wasn't allowed in that closet was because Near was keeping his present in there.)

As for Matt being let out of prison, there are several reasons behind it. The first and most important is the fact that the Death Note is gone. The weapon no longer exists and Matt has not otherwise exhibited excessively violent or dangerous behavior while in prison and he hasn’t got any prior crimes on his record. The third reason, and possibly the one that tipped the scales, is the fact that Matt never wrote any of the names himself. He did not commit murder, but rather conspiracy to murder, possibly racketeering, things along that line. I'm also basing this a lot on what little I know of American law and frankly, anything short of murder one doesn't necessarily involve all that much prison time, especially when someone with a good reputation puts in a good word. Matt was in for five years and will be on parole for at least another ten, but if it weren't for L and Light putting in a good word, he wouldn't have gotten parole so early. (Mello did not, in fact, argue for Matt to be released but rather, against it.) I agree that it seems like a light sentence, but often time, that's what criminals get. Especially when you consider there wasn't much forensic evidence. It was a mostly circumstantial case.

And yes, I do watch crime shows far too often for my own good. ;>>