Past in Present

“Fine, let’s talk about the future.”



“Let’s. Are you going to kill me?” L’s voice was crisp, almost businesslike.



“If you don’t stop talking about useless things, I might.”



After a tense, breathless moment, L leaned his head back and laughed under his breath. ”There is only one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide."



“Camus.” Light grit out between his teeth, feeling his headache spiraling out of control. Philosophy again. “L, do you want me to kill you?”



L’s eyes were unfocused and inward – one of those mindless expressions that Light hated. “I don’t really know.”



“I could you know. Easily.” He leaned closer, and slid a hand down L’s arm slowly, tightening around his wrist and dragging his arm up, ignoring the fact that he must have been causing pain. “What is this?”



“A sign.” L sounded tired, but also something similar to hopeful, and it made Light give him a hard, guarded look.



Light scoffed softly. “A sign? Are you converting?”



That wrung a wry smile from L’s lips “Who says I wasn’t already Catholic?”



“Are you?” He grit out tightly.



“No.”



“Goddamnit. L…” Light hissed at him, so utterly sick of his mind games he contemplated just choking him right then and there.



“It’s a sign of faith, Light.” His voice was calm and collected, and despite himself Light found himself cooling down just a little.



----



L fingered the rosary. Of course it wasn’t a proper rosary. It was a code, and based on the symbolism, he could say with certainty who left it.



He had come here simply to do some thinking, to make his decisions. He’d already guessed the orphanage would be abandoned. It was a precaution that he had always warned them to take in the event of his disappearance. He hadn’t guessed that there would be a message left for him.



The necklace looked almost identical to a normal rosary, to the untrained eye… which Light certainly was. There were only four beads before the centerpiece. The very first one was missing. The next three were all still there.



L missing. His three successors all alive and well, at least when this was left.



Most of the rest of the beads represented the Wammy’s children. All were safe and accounted for. The top of the rosary held three beads, separated from the rest. Two missing. Kira two and three, he could only assume.



They were out there, and they were taking up the fight. By the rosary, and the news Light had told him days before… they were winning.



He couldn’t explain his relief.



“Faith my ass.” Kira’s voice was harsh, and brought him back to focus.



“I know what happened to the other Kiras, by the way.” He let himself drop into a light sing-song, knowing that it would drive Kira crazy and not caring.



Sure enough Kira’s hand tightened on him, bruising, bone-crushingly tight, but it didn’t bother him. “Oh…” Kira’s voice had dropped to that dark-honey dangerous tone and it made L’s head spin, feeling like he was playing a particularly heady game of Russian Roulette. “Yes. We did need to finish our conversation about that.”



L grinned, knowing that his expression had turned a bit maniacal. “It really is quite simple. What you have always failed to see, Light, is that L is a title as much as a name – in every sense.”



“Be less cryptic.”



“It is an inherited title.” L said slowly, as if talking to a child. “I may have been the first, but the position has always had heirs… and now they are hunting Kira. They’re hunting you.”



Kira sucked in a breath, eyes darkening, wrapping his other hand around L’s throat and pressing him back firmly. “Then we’ll just do something about it.”



L shook his head, swallowing, realizing he had just enough room to breathe and talk. “Before you decide to force me to write the names… I should warn you that even I myself do not know them.” L allowed himself to look bland, bored even. “I haven’t seen them in years and for security purposes none of us ever knew each other’s real names.”



”You expect me to believe that?”



“I don’t actually care if you do or not.” L let out a deep breath. “I am retiring, effective immediately.”



Kira smirked, bringing his mouth down to L’s ear, nuzzling. “You think you have a choice in that..?” Purring the words dangerously.



“Of course I do.” He smiled, realizing that he didn’t affect him anymore. “It doesn’t matter if you let me go or kill me. Have a public execution if you like. L is dead.”



“Why don’t I just have a private execution here?”



L shrugged. “You could. It would take the pressure of making a decision off of me.”



Kira laughed harshly. “And what decisions are left to you, L? You are no longer a free agent.”



“Yes I am.” L finally moved, pushing Light’s hand off his throat firmly. “I told you already, L is dead. You will not re-imprison me. You will kill me or let me go.”



“Let you go. So you can run off and join your heirs?”



L raised an eyebrow, smiling a little. “You think that is the only thing I might wish to do? On the contrary, I believe it is best to accept my defeat in this instance and retire from formal detective work altogether.”



“You’ve been trained to be a detective, L. Didn’t you just say that’s all you know?”



“I am going to do things on my own terms for once.” L felt exhilarated, almost like laughing. “Of course I do have the rights to other detective’s codes and could resume under a different name if I wanted, but I doubt I will. I may have been raised as a detective, but I do not have to be L… and I do not have to catch criminals if I do not choose to.”



“What else does a detective do?”



“Many things. I thought that perhaps I would take up writing.” He nodded to the corner, to a beat-up duffel bag that looked heftier than L himself.



Kira’s eyes followed the movement, narrowing a bit in thought. “What is that?”



“Grimmer’s notes. The evidence he collected on Kinderheim. He will not be able to finish his work… perhaps I can do it for him.”



This seemed to throw Kira, who stared at the bag for several more moments before looking back at L. “Why do you care about Kinderheim?” His voice was disdainful and for the first time in a long time, L allowed himself to feel truly furious.



“Why don’t you?” He asked, sharply. “Do you think the past is content to stay in one spot? Do you think that it does not inform the present?” He rose to his feet, looking down at Kira. “What on earth is to prevent people from creating another Kinderheim?”



“There is no need for a project like Kinderheim in the world I am creating.”



Kira’s ego never failed to disgust him, L realized as he growled softly, under his breath. “You think there is need for a project like Kinderheim in any world? You think your world is truly better than the world we left behind? It is not. Your world is more brutal and savage. No one likes dancing to the whims of a dictator. How long do you think it will be before the people rise up against you?”



Kira scoffed lightly. “Who would dare?”



"Anyone who has been paying attention. Anyone who chafes under the yoke of Kira’s restrictions. Everyone knows that Kira needs a name. What is to stop anyone from secretly raising an army of Johans?” L stepped away while still keeping an eye on L. He leaned to get a bottle of water out of the large bag, sipping it. “It seems that I am the least of your troubles.”



Kira was seething, it was communicated by every tense line of his jaw, his shoulders, the way his hands clenched at his sides. L turned to face him, directly.



“And an expose on Kinderheim is supposed to what, provide me with some protection from this?”



“No.” L said it coolly. “I personally do not care if Kira succeeds or fails. I don’t care if you live or die.”



“Liar.”



“Am I?” L murmured softly, shrugging. “Perhaps. I don’t really know, myself.” He shook his head. “But if you are worried about any potential writing exposing your weak points, don’t. All your important weaknesses are already exposed. But if it makes you feel any better, your censors do control the media, don’t they?”



Kira didn’t say anything, but acknowledged it with a slight nod of his head.



“Well then. I don’t see how I could possibly harm you.” L smiled, reaching to pick up the bag, letting out a breath, straightening under the weight of it. Grimmer had been substantially taller and broader.



“One step out of line…” Kira breathed out lightly.



L half-laughed. “Oh, don’t think I’ve forgotten.” He bowed his head a touch, keeping as much of the mocking out of it as possible. “Good bye, Kira.”



-----



Light stared at the door as it closed. It felt that he saw nothing but closing doors, lately. Literally and metaphorically.



He closed his eyes, mind spinning with revelations.



Perhaps he should kill L now, write his name and be done with it. It would be expedient. It would be sensible. But would it matter, with the new threats on the horizon?



It was gut-wrenching and thrilling and turned all his plans upside-down, at least for the moment.



He would let L go, he decided suddenly, eyes opening slowly. Keep an eye on him, of course, because he really could not trust L’s words. He must be planning something.



Perhaps if he watched him closely enough, L would lead him to the others. He would win, of course. He had to win. The world needed him.



----



L took a deep breath, standing on the steps of Whammy’s orphanage. For the first time since he was adopted, perhaps, the air smelled clean. The world looked fresh. Full of opportunity.



Kira would watch him. Of that he was certain. It didn’t bother him though, because he didn’t plan on doing anything damaging to him or to anyone important. That was done.



For once he didn’t lie to Kira. There was no use in being L, being a detective in that sense anymore. His heirs would clean up the messes he had left and couldn’t fix. He regretted that, of course. He wanted to help his heirs, to guide them as best he could. However, they had been chosen for a reason and he could no longer let that regret paralyze him.



L was, for the first time in his life, choosing his own path. He felt himself smiling, genuinely, as he began walking towards the town.