Canti

Disclaimer: I do not own Demon Diary.


Canti
By 11


Chapter 09


Strong arms held him closely. So nice and warm, he didn’t know what time it was, but for the moment it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he had this. Just for now…

His hand loosely gripped the dark silky strands of hair. Slowly blue eyes opened and he moved, just slightly to look up at the older youth. Eclipse’s pale face, a soft rare smile on the older youth’s face.

Raenef had been sure his eyes were open already but he opened them again somehow now. The warmth around him was just his blankets, Eclipse was turned on his side towards Raenef, but he wasn’t awake, wasn’t smiling. Raenef just watched him a moment.

He had a nice dream. The sunlight falling into the room illuminated much of the older youth’s face, he had never seen Eclipse sleeping before… he looked so relaxed right now, Raenef’s fingers unconsciously stroked at the hair he held in his hand. Eclipse’s eyebrows drew together, the blonde’s hand withdrew from the hair back beneath the covers. -That was so wrong…-

The other’s dark eyes opened and Raenef met them with his own, “Good morning Eclipse,” he said after a moment, not being able to break eye contact decided on speaking, conversation was a reason for eye contact.

“Good morning Raenef,” Eclipse replied. His voice was so husky this early in the morning, Raenef at up to hide the visible shudder at that, standing up and looking outside, the wood from the bonfire still lay in a sandy pile higher up on the beach. No one was outside though.

“Wonder if anyone else is up,” Raenef said, then turning back to Eclipse, “If they are they’re either in their rooms or eating breakfast.”

Eclipse stood up, and after they both got dressed headed down to the kitchen area. But when they got in hearing distance of the room, “No! Krayon, you lousy little-!”

“Erutis, this is my place, so what if I happen to have a key to your room.”

“So what if you have a key to my room? My and Leeche’s room! We’re girls!”

“So? Nothing happened.” Krayon shrugged.

“Not this time, I’d be so embarrassed if-!” The redhead cut herself off when her brother and Eclipse walked in the room. “Oh, good morning Raenef, Eclipse.”

“Sorry are we interrupting something?” Eclipse asked, as Raenef looked around at the four faces. Krayon looking slightly annoyed and bored. Erutis flustered and angry; Leeche, concerned and Chris puzzled and bored with the argument, it must have been going since they left their room.

Erutis shot a look at Krayon before sitting down with her back to the dark blonde. “Of course not,” she answered picking up her piece of toast and taking a large bite, so as to end the already brief conversation.

Eclipse walked over and sat down by Krayon, Raenef wanted to follow but instead opted for sitting at the counter by Leeche, the girl and Chris being a barrier between himself and his currently irritated sister.

“So what happened?” Eclipse asked his friend.

“You can ask Erutis, I’m sure she has a better idea of the story,” Krayon said watching Erutis’ back, a sour look on his face. “Isn’t that right, Erutis?”

“I’m sorry, Leeche, did you hear something?” Erutis asked loud enough so that Krayon could hear what she said to the younger girl.

Krayon’s jaw set and he sighed falling back on the chair, “I give up…” he groaned. Then after a minute with Eclipse still awaiting his answer; “Okay. This is my place I let us all use right? Well naturally I have keys to every room and closet and stuff. I went into Erutis’ room this morning to wake her up, and after she found out I had a key she got mad. Something about privacy.”

“Did you even know Leeche was in the shower at the time! That would have been so rude if she had come out and you were just standing there gawking!” Erutis snarled over her shoulder.

“First off I didn’t know she was in the shower, but I heard it going and didn’t go in there, I saw you in bed and went over there. Leeche never even got pulled into the mess your making this out to be,” Krayon told her, but Erutis had gone back to ignoring him. With another sigh, “I’ve been telling her this all morning and she’s still mad… I don’t get women, I really don’t.”

Eclipse only nodded. No he had no idea what was going on, basically Erutis was mad at Krayon for girl reasons or something… and such… um yeah… the theory would work till now. If it managed to blow over fairly quickly everything would be peachy again. Peachy all for…

He glanced over at Raenef who was sitting at the counter next to Leeche. It was weird this morning, when he woke up and the younger boy was there he thought how much the boy had looked like a scared deer in the headlights, it had only been for a moment but it still made him wonder if the boy was feeling alright.

Eclipse walked over to the counter and got himself some of the eggs and toast that someone had made earlier. They were still warm, so it couldn’t have been cooked too long ago.

“It’s interesting to think about, it feels like we’ve only been here a day or so, but in a few more days we’ll all have to head back to home and then school starts again.” Leeche mused picking at her eggs, no one had finished more of their meal that a couple of bites and maybe one piece of toast. The argument between Krayon and Erutis must have caused the loss of appetite in the tense atmosphere.

“Yeah,” Raenef agreed, taking a bite of the eggs. They weren’t bad but all the taste seemed to have been drained. It was probably him.

Eclipse set his plate down next to Raenef’s, no one wanting to sit by Erutis right now, poor Chris being unlucky enough to be at her one side.

The blonde jumped at the sound of the ceramic on the marble countertop and nearly tipped his own plate onto the floor.

“Raenef, you’re so jittery, you okay?” Leeche asked startled by the sound of plates almost breaking.

“Yeah, sorry,” Raenef said, picking up his plate, he wasn’t all that hungry anyway. He took it and dumped it in the trash. Leeche watched confused as Raenef then exited the room.

“The tenseness must have gotten to him bad…” Chris said, musing in a small voice. Erutis hearing him set her jaw and stood, doing the same with her own meal and starting for the opposite door to go outside.

“Well Leeche, you know her, what should I do?” Krayon asked the blonde girl.

“Um… well she seems pretty worked up over it, I’d suggest backing down maybe… but even then she might still be a little miffed,” Leeche said thoughtfully. “You should probably just wait her out and if she’s still mad by this evening maybe promise not to use the key. Or else keep waiting and don’t try something like that again, though in the period of a week I’m not sure how prone she is to forget.”

“Right, okay,” Krayon nodded, laying his head back again with a sigh. -This really stinks.-

Eclipse couldn’t help feeling sorry for his friend, but if it weren’t for the fact that he was already pretty concerned about something else he might have tried to offer some form of solace. Standing he followed the trail Raenef took back inside.

He heard some loud thumps against the wall somewhere, hurrying a little more down the hall he found Raenef standing by the wall with his hands on the pillar. He dropped them the second he saw Eclipse. A grin replaced the suddenly frightened and unsure look on his face when he first noticed the dark-haired youth just a ways away. The look lasted only a split second, and Eclipse had to wonder at it.

“Hey Eclipse, need something?” he asked cheerily. Raenef noticed the serious look on the older youth’s face; his smile didn’t change but inside he grew cold… did Eclipse figure out…

“Are you sure you’re okay Raenef?” Eclipse asked. Raenef couldn’t keep the slight surprise and relief he felt showing in his eyes, but managed to put it out quickly enough, he hoped Eclipse didn’t recognize that. Of course he probably wouldn’t, he had never seen many emotions on Eclipse, surely he couldn’t read them either. Let alone something so brief. He was glad it was just about the plate though, he felt comfortable enough lying about that.

“Absolutely,” Raenef near snorted, seeming to find this question amusing, “It was just so frigid in there, you know. Sorry if it got me on edge, I didn’t mean to worry anyone.”

-I’m sure you didn’t, Raenef.- Eclipse thought watching Raenef’s face for any sign of the lie he was already sure the other was telling him. Something was wrong, and he didn’t know what it was… but then why did it seem to only appear whenever he was present?

Raenef’s smile didn’t waver, but the brightness waned to puzzlement as to why Eclipse was still watching him with the serious eyes. Raenef inwardly cursed himself, but how come Eclipse wasn’t fooled? It fooled everyone else? Maybe he was off with it for some reason… why did Eclipse always seem to do this, seeing right through the smile…

Eclipse advanced only a couple of steps, and noticed Raenef move back towards the wall. Eclipse took a few more steps, Raenef felt his back hit the wall. This was no good. His smile wavered; “Eclipse…?” he started but was silenced suddenly by the proximity Eclipse was suddenly in with a few more steps. Raenef pressed himself back as far as he could go into the wall, wishing somehow he could melt into and through it…

Eclipse could see the sudden fear that entered Raenef’s eyes when he advanced, the way he leaned as far back against the wall as he could make himself go. But somehow with the way the boy was watching his face and eyes, it wasn’t really the closeness that scared him as much as something in Eclipse’s face and eyes.

“Are you afraid of me?” Eclipse asked in the same deep voice he had used this morning, and Raenef clamped his throat shut tightly to keep a small whimper down.

Eclipse slowly raised a cautious hand and reached out his hand forming against Raenef’s cheek. The younger boy let out a single short breath; his eyes slid shut. Focusing on the warmth that seeped out of his hand, it was soft and Raenef fought not to lean into it. He shook his head slightly, no he wasn’t afraid of Eclipse… but he was always so afraid… of what…

“Then what are you afraid of?” Eclipse asked, subconsciously leaning closer to the blonde boy, he could feel him shaking, his breathing becoming more ragged, did he have a fever? “What’s wrong?” Surely it wasn’t himself that was causing this…

At the sound of Eclipse’s voice so close, Raenef opened his eyes. He was so close… he felt himself shivering, Eclipse couldn’t probably feel him shaking; that was why he was looking so concerned. “I…” Raenef started, if he told Eclipse it’d be over… but Eclipse was probably straight, he may not have a girlfriend, but he was probably straight…

Eclipse… probably wouldn’t be mean about it if he did know… at least that was what Raenef hoped… after what he said that night in the baths, he didn’t seem to have any problems with it… but if Eclipse was straight and rejected him… could he take that…?

“I… I need to go to the restroom,” Raenef said, sliding down the wall just enough to duck around the older youth before rushing down the hall. He didn’t go to their shared room, but he did go to the restroom off the kitchen, it had a lock.

No one else was in the kitchen by this time. Leeche and Chris would have gone off somewhere; Krayon was somewhere sulking if he wasn’t trying to sway Erutis who had gone outside for some time.

Eclipse silently cursed himself… he hadn’t meant to do that when he first followed the boy. But Raenef was shaking like a leaf, and he felt so warm. Not warm enough for a fever though, but he had somehow gone too far. Leaning back against the wall pillar to the side he put his head in his hands, was there even a way to maybe salvage whatever friendship there had been in their relationship?

`

Raenef locked the door behind him once he was in the bathroom and slid down the door to the floor, his knees drawn up under his chin, his head bowed forward.

He actually though about confessing. He mentally hit himself for that. He had almost had the courage to say it. He hit himself again. But he hadn’t, he hadn’t had enough courage. He hit himself again, for the courage. He was silently grateful he hadn’t said something he knew he’d regret.

Yes there was the fact that Eclipse could have been straight… but the worst was that it would have been so wrong to have even asked such a thing of Eclipse. Yet he cherished the warmth on his cheek, it had yet to fade… but he didn’t want it to fade. He hit himself mentally twice, once for enjoying the touch, the second for not wanting the feeling of it to fade. But it brought him out of this feeling of cold, if only just for a moment. He had felt so warm. But now… now he felt so cold. Cold and sick… he wanted to retch, but his throat was dry.

If he had said something, he probably would have deserved it if Eclipse was mean, and didn’t take it well… he himself wasn’t taking it well. He was going to destroy himself with this want. He hadn’t known he was crying until his body drew a shuddering breath, a choked sob coming out instead. Lifting his head to rest against the door he touched under his eyes, his fingers drew away with a light sheen of salty liquid.

A grim smile slid over his features and he buried his had again, he cleared his head in moments, concentrating on one thing. Breathing.

Just keep breathing. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing is eternal. No one is immortal. Everything is forgotten. One day he’d forget this… one day he could be cold… one day…

His smile didn’t fade, and he snorted slightly, he kept saying ‘one day’. One day this would happen, one day he wouldn’t feel so rotten all the time. But with this idea of one day he had to wonder if that one day would ever come.

Eclipse could never see him as that. And that was right. After all, no one wanted this horrible, detestable creature. His sister always told him how cute he was, he never believed her. Even if he was cute, he wasn’t the same on the inside, inside was a rotted soul.

Thinking of Eclipse though… Raenef shuddered again with a sob, the tears starting again anew. It was wrong… but he wanted Eclipse so bad…

His arms lay folded around his legs gripping at his shoulders; just breathe. Concentrate on breathing…

-Then this is all I can do to protect from myself the person I care about most…-

---

Review.

I’ve had complaints about the nonexistent editing…
Someone did try to beta this once upon a time. They were awesome about it but... it didn't work out so well.