Levi's Recollections

“You dumb fuck.” I kept saying over and over. “You big dumb fuck.”

I was on top of him, riding his cock. I told him if he moved a single muscle, I would kill him, and I wasn’t joking.

He complied.

He had no choice. I had his one arm tied to the bed rail. He was unshaven, deathly pale, and his cock wasn’t as big or hard as it normally could get, but it was understandable considering all the blood loss he had. Still, he had felt really good. I put my hands on his chest and leaned over him to lick his bruises and scars.

“Consider this your punishment for being stupid,” I panted.

When they brought him in, passed out, blood everywhere, missing a damn limb, my heart dropped in my stomach.

I remember I kept asking “What the hell happened?” yet no one could give me a straight answer.

It finally happened. I thought. I finally lost him.

They took him to Trost where a doctor operated on his arm.

But they said he was barely breathing even though he lost a lot of blood. I wasn’t sure they could save him. They did, but he didn’t wake up for two days. I questioned Armin and he gave me his perspective. One minute he was trying to rescue Eren then he saw Erwin’s squad riding up from the side. Then out of nowhere, Erwin was dangling from a titan's mouth then next he sprang up, armless, and cut Eren from Bertholdt’s grip.

I was confused and sick.

Everything hurt.

I thought I would never see those blue eyes look at me again. It was painful. Crippling. Almost as painful as losing all my friends, my squad, my mother, but it felt worse than that. There was panicking fear in this pain. I didn’t want to feel this. I wanted to be numb. People always say that when something horrible happens they always feel numbness. I never feel numbness. Just sickening fear and debilitating misery that I have to push back.

The people around me could sense it. It frightened them, so they stayed away from me. The scouts had been decimated and when I learned that Mike went missing, I felt sadness. I knew he was gone. I knew the scouts were done for, but I couldn’t give them all my grief because I was too focused on Erwin. I couldn’t give my fallen comrades all my sympathy or the remaining ones my strength because I felt like if I didn’t put all my faith into him waking up, it wouldn’t be enough.

 God, I’m a horrible captain.

He was the big brains to all this. He needed to wake up. He couldn’t leave us. He couldn’t leave me yet.

Hange and I were in Ehrmich, sorting out the details of the botched mission and wall cult shit when someone announced that he had opened his eyes.

Next I blinked, and I was in Trost.

He was alive, but barely. And I mean barely.

Hange, I, Commander Pixis, Nile, and the Commander-in-Chief Zackly were by his bedside. He was speaking in weak whispers about what happened.

Chief told him no need to speak about it now, wait until he was recovered, but Erwin insisted on telling them because he didn’t know if he’d wake up again.

For a moment, he glanced at me with round fading blue eyes. It was like a ghost was looking at me. For as long as I had been with the scouts, I was hardened at the sight of carnage, but looking at the bloody stump that was wrapped in bandages almost made me vomit. The pain he must have felt..

We all listened to his voice going in and out as he gave his report about the mission, and his and Armin’s report almost matched. His charge towards the armored titan while leading a swarm of abnormals behind him, and one took his fucking arm off. Then by some stroke of luck, he freed himself and rescued Eren from Reiner and Bertholdt.

His plan was reckless. Suicidal. Fucking stupid.

After he was through, he glanced at me knowing, exactly what I was thinking.

“You big…dumb….stupid…fuck.” I threw my head back and groaned.

“I know,” he replied.

After he reported his mission he went back to sleep until the next day. I stayed by him, watching him lie still, his chest faintly heaving up and down. That stump. I ran my fingers over its bloody bandages and my chest tightened.

This stupid fucking….

He wouldn’t feel any guilt about it. No remorse. The plan worked that’s all that mattered. He wouldn’t care if he lost half his head and balls as long as the plan worked.

I was the only one there when he woke up the next evening. He was breathing better and some, not very much, color returned. He could sit up on his own, and someone had a tray of food ready for him.

“Hey,” he said to me, weakly, but I said nothing.

He eyed the tray of food next to him then reached for it with his missing arm then the look of realization suddenly appeared then disappeared from his face.

“Oh yeah..” His mouth turned up in a faint grin.

I was shaking with rage.

“You’re so stupid,” was all I could say. “So…so…stupid..”

There was no guilt in his eyes.

Right there, I stripped from my clothes. He didn’t look surprised or express any kind of emotion, but his dick was hardening from under the sheet.

I took out my belt and got on top of him. I tightly restrained his good arm to the rail. It didn’t matter because he couldn’t move too much anyways, but I did it to hurt him.

Then I rode him.

My knees spread, balancing on the balls of my feet, I rode him hard. He got paler as his remaining blood drained down to his cock and his breathing became unsteady. His tied-up fist gently clenched and unclenched with every slam of my ass on his rigid cock, and his head groggily hung down as he just sat and watched where we were connected.

He had always liked fucking with me on top, him ramming up into me, with both hands gripping my hips.

“This is your punishment,” I said. “You aren’t allowed to touch me.”

I moved rough, throwing my head back and moaning so loud. I spread my knees wider and rested my hands back on his knees. My hard cock leaked precum on his bandaged torso. He grunted, maybe with pain or pleasure. I didn’t care. I kept up my rough pace. No matter how much I wanted to cum, I held back and rode him raw for about 30 minutes.

I felt his hips move slightly.

“Don’t move!” I commanded. “You’re not allowed to move or touch me! You big stupid bastard!”

He chuckled to himself. It was a tired and unsmiling one. I almost didn’t hear it.

“It’s funny….." he said, his words coming out in single shallow breaths. "I can….still feel…..you with…..my other hand.”

I thought I was gonna start blubbering. Because I could still feel it too. His strong hand was on my hip, gripping and squeezing. Then it's fist closed around my sensitive cock slowly coaxing me to orgasm. I felt it roam up my chest to tease my nipples, circling and pinching them. Next his fingers found their way into my mouth to dance with my tongue and play in my saliva. It felt so good. I was gonna cum like crazy. "Erwin..you fucking idiot!" I cried out, roughly impaling myself on him, teetering on the verge of my orgasm.

I was loud in his quarters. The bed squeaked and rocked against the wall, I groaned his name and called him stupid over and over, but I didn’t care who heard us. I wanted everyone to know that I was happy that he came back to me.