The Cardboard Box

Notice! I am not going to update this story for a while. There are way too many things going on here, and I want to focus on one fantiction now. Which aren’t any of the ones I actually have published here. There is a deadline to get this one finished by, so as you might have guessed, I am just going to work on that. If anyone would like to beta read this, you can. Also there are more chapters up on my egroup then here.


Response to review by Teff

Quote 1: “ The idea is pretty good. Yet, the way you went about writing it is not so good. Your grammer needs some brushing up “

The word is spelled grammar not grammar. Looks like your spelling needs a bit of brushing up.

Quote 2: “ Also i think you should watch or reread Gravitation once again to get a true idea of the way the characters act. All of the characters, especially Eiri Yuki, extremly are out of character. “

The word I is always capitalized regardless of its placement in the sentence, and that word is spelled extremely not extremly

I have read Gravitation and seen the anime series, several times. I know exactly how all the characters are suppose to act, and do not need to refresh my memory. My fanfiction, however, is an alternative universe one, so doesn’t follow the attitudes or plot of the actual series religiously.

Quote 3: “Maybe, you should get a beta reader and have him/her check for grammer mistakes.”

I have tried to get a beta reader. Regardless of what many people think, they aren’t that easy to find. Also, I have checked over my grammar with a grammar checker. As well as doing the same with a spell checker. It’s not like I just through this thing together and uploaded it.

Quote 4\" Also maybe you could use some more description to flesh out all those one liners”

I don’t like being too descriptive because then people don’t have to use their imagination as much, besides to many adverbs and adjective mucks up a story.

Quote 5\" and let things progress a bit more slowly. Suguru fell in love too quickly and it just seemed improbable You could of stated what little things about Akio attracted Suguru. I hightly doubt Suguru would fall in love with someone just because they asked him out.”

I think you meant highly not hightly there.

If I let things progress any slower then the fic would be much longer then I intend for it to be. This isn’t the only fic I am working on, nor is it one of the more popular ones. Therefore I am not going to go back and rewrite it just to suit a few people. Beside I don’t see what it’s so improbable for one character to fall in love quickly when another one did it.

I didn’t write that Suguru fell in love with Akio because or as soon as he asked him out. It is possible to go out with someone and ever fool around a bit sexually without actually being in love.


Quote 6 “ Also if Akio really wanted revenge he wouldnt have progressed things so quickly.”

You forgot to put an apostrophe in wouldn’t. Wouldnt is not a work.

So you are an authority on revenge timing? If you actual read my story you would have realized the reason he went forward with his place so quickly was because he was pissed off about Jun being pissed at him. There are also other reasons, but those aren’t in the story yet:

Quote 7 “Another thing, you could of delayed Akio\'s true intentions so as not to ruin the plot for readers.”

The reasons why Akio tortured and raped Suguru is not the main plot of this story. Therefore, I didn’t ruin anything for anyone.


Quote 8 “ Despite all this, I must give you kudos on the plot idea. Its actually very well thought out and plausible. [Except, i think naming the brother Kyuichi is in bad taste and shows lacking of creativity]Good luck with the rest of the fic”

I do not see how the name Kyuichi would be in bad taste, or how it shows lack of creativity. If you mean because it is similar to Sakuma, Ryuichi’s name, then that wasn’t my intention. I wasn’t even thinking of him at the time. Not that it is relevant to the story, but the character is named after a Japanese bobtail my brother owns. How I happened to be watching at the time. Besides I don’t have time to muse over names of minor original characters anyway.


You review was rather amusing, but I think you should work on your own grammar and spelling before judging others people’s.



Andiee: Yes it\'s cute now, but this is a very angst filled fic.


Anya: Akio isn\'t in the series he\'s an original character. I couldn\'t use any of the cannon characters for his part.