Stone Cold

Summary: A fight between Gojyo and Sanzo, causes both to have heavy hearts and feelings. A small amount of time alone lets both reflect, but neither has any idea why it happened to begin with.

Disclaimer: I don\'t own either of them or Saiyuki for that matter. First fic with an angst ridden theme. First fic that deals with Saiyuki, so I hope you enjoy it. Not making any money on it so it goes without saying; suing me, is definitely not an option. ^^
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//What is going on here?//

I asked myself that question, because it seemed to be the right thing to do. My head, too heavy to lifd myd my limbs were like dead weights at my sides. I could faintly feel hot salty tears oddly coursing down my cheeks.

//How can one man bring feelings such as this, to the forefront. Especially with me. This is absolutely ridiculous//.

I thought, as they found an instant pathway onto my lips.

I could still hear the door slamming, echoing loudly in my head. Sitting motionless for what seemed like, well eternity, since the angry fire of an engine and the squeal of tires as Gojyo drove away. Taking Hakkai\'s jeep and no way of knowing when or if he\'d be back. The outbursts we sparred off at each other, earlier, seemed petty and un-important now. Or was it just me wanting to be in his arms again? I didn\'t know. All I really did know was that my clothes now loosely hung on me with some areas slightly torn.

Studying the small space, I noticed a broken glass on the floor by the front door and it instantly stirred a painful hazy memory of my throwing it at him. I didn\'t want to hit him with it, but almost did. I wanted so much to touch the pointed shards now, feel the sting and draw blood. Physical pain goes away, eventually. But emotions, for some reason, seem to hang on. It\'s like they want to taunt you for being weak. Rubbing it in, is more like it.

For some re, I , I can\'t seem to remember why we were even fighting in the first place. Even though I\'ve tried, the memory of it escapes me. Strangely, I can only remember us shouting. The torrents of harsh angry words, which now managed to leave a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. A passing thought corners itself within my head. And I\'m now realizing that the floor is cold and I know I should get up. Do something. Pick up the fragments of glass but I don\'t have the will. Breathing, alone is taking too much effort.

Lately, for whatever undefined reason, it seems that I always feel this way after we fight. Sometimes, it\'s just disagreements. But, as equal, it is like this.

//Is there always this desolation, this incredible despair?//

I ask myself. Not really wanting to know. I doubt seriously that I would believe it, even if I did have the answer. This feeling that maybe we weren\'t meant to be pops into my head uninvited. I feel a lump form in my throat at the mere thought of that notion. Maybe we really are better off apart. The tears once again threaten to rip me a part.

Sudy, Iy, I hear footsteps and I somehow know they\'re his. Slowly, I drag my head up and wait. The click and squeak of the hotel room door opening. Soft footsteps carefully enter and then I\'m staring at him with slightly blurred vision. I didn\'t realize the tears had indeed begun to fall again. His expression is heavily guarded. Almost like he\'s unsure whether the fight is over. As am I. A deafening silence gathers within the small room. And I wait for him to speak fir It\ It\'s at a stalemate. He\'s waiting for me to be the one make the first gesture.

The silence is too much. He\'s only at the door but feels miles away. I want him to touch me, scold me, yell at me again. Anything. But he doesn\'t. Finally, I give in and open my mouth letting my thoughts flow out unchecked. \"Is it supposed to be like this?\" I ask with a noticeably tear ridden voice.

The cautionary wall that he had up around him, suddenly shifts and I catch a glimpse of sadness. \"I don\'t know. Sanzo.\" He says and carefully leans back against the now closed door behind him, \"I don\'t think so.\" He hasn\'t moved towards me yet, but somehow feels closer.

I say bringing my right hand up to my face, wiping away the tears that relentlessly continue to invade me. \"I can\'t keep doing this.\" My voice is choked and I know he he notices it. \"I don\'t know if I can do this anymore. It hurts too much.\"

He pushes away from the unit behind him and slowly approaches me. No longer guarded. I can see soft affection in his eyes. In his expression. \"It was just a fight, Sanzo.\" He slides down the wall to sit beside me, taking my hand in his and our fingers entwine automatically. He adds looking down at the floor we sit on. \"Couples fight all the time.\"

I try to smile at him but halfway there I feel my face crumble. His arms instinctively close around me and he holds me as those god awful tears begin to flow again. His fingers are a soft caress through my hair. His chest is warm and solid against my cheek.

He says quietly. \"You feel way too much when you\'re around me.\" My arms tighten around him. It\'s the truth and I know it. More sobs rack my body, robbing me any of breath and the ability to speak. \"It\'s alright.\" He whispers the whole time, e loe low and soothing. \"It\'s alright baby, let it out.\"

And with his coaxing, I do. The tension. The frustration. The hurt. It all pours out until his shirt is damp. My head still rests on his chest as the tide slowly begins to level out. I take in deep cleansing breaths. Feeling my body stop quivering. Myself calming.

I finally raise my head and meet his eyes. They too are misty with tears. My heart aches again. This isn\'t easy for either of us. Moving his fingers under my chin, he tilts my head up and softly brushes his lips against mine. My eyes close briefly.

He says sincerely. \"I\'m sorry, Sanzo.\" His breath feathering itself across my lips. I\'m lost within the whole atmosphere.

\"I\'m sorry too.\" I answer leaning in and kiss him back. This time, pouring my heart and soul into it. Letting my mouth say what I verbally can not. His lips cling to mine, our tongues entwining. I drink him in, tasting him and wanting more. We press as close to each other as our awkward positions will allow, kissing deeply. He slowly allows a hand to stray downward until I feel his caress through the white pants that I wear. When a touch becomes a gentle kneading, I break the kiss, panting.

\"This isn\'t the best spot for this.\" I say aloud. I\'m out of breath and the words are an immense effort.

\"I\'d say not.\" He slightly smiles. Then drops another kiss on my mouth as his hand continues it\'s slow assault. I moan and can\'t help the movement of my hips. He asks nodding his head towards the bedroom. \"Shall we?\" My agonized breathing makes speech impossible. So I merely nod.

After reaching the tiny rented room, we fall onto the bed and his lips find mine again, instantly. Desire courses through me, hot and rampant. His fingers diligently work at the buttons of my shirt and soon his lips find my chest making me moan and writhe. His tongue trails patterns of fire over my skin. So hot, in fact, that I expect it will leave heat marks on me.

His hands move slowly down until they are at my zipper making me want to scream. No. This is beyond want. This is need. The scrape of it, then the white material is removed and I am released to his hands. Soft pressure and caresses through my briefs. His lips move against my stomach and I hear him speak. \"What were we fighting about? I can\'t remember.\" The swipe of his tongue just above my waistband. My hips buck.

I murmur carelessly. \"Damn it. I don\'t know. I don\'t care.\" There\'s too much longing in my voice and I am actually pleading. His breath burns through the thin material. Making me long for more intimate contact. He tugs the waistband down until I feel the kiss of cool air on the tip of my cock.

\"Come on, try.\" He whispers nonchalantly then drops a kiss on my bare, too-sensitive skin. I moan lifting my hips in invitation.

I answer solemnly. \"Please. Gojyo. It doesn\'t matter now.\" My head pressing back into the pillow. My own voice sounds alien to me now. Too needy. It\'s way too wanton to even be mine. He inches my briefs lower until they are completely off and I am fully exposed. Warm puffs of air from his mouth feather over my straining flesh. I am dying.

\"Should we forgive that moment then?\" He asks for us both. Then follows the question with another wet flick of his tongue. I shudder violently at the brief touch.

\"Yes - anything - please. I beg you.\" Now, that is a new one. I don\'t ever recall having done that before. Finally the hot wet velvet of his mouth surrounds me. And I moan aloud as he takes me in. I am completely incoherent, lost in the slick glide of his mouth and tongue over me. I force my eyes open to watch him, finding him watching me in return. His gaze is a gentle, physical touch as he brings me closer to the edge. Every sensation of his mouth on my cock is intensified by having those spotlights of soft red eyes turned up at me.

My hands involuntarily grab the bed frame behind me. Many emotions invade me at all once. Some are incoherent thoughts as they ravage my head. Ones that I\'ve never even considered before. And they rattle themselves off. I am a lover. A star. A slut. A god. I am his. I am all these things. Because he makes me so. In a strange amusing way, they make me feel both superior and low at the same time.

Releasing the frame, my hands fall downwards until cle clenching the sheets as an intense rush begins to bring itself forward, causing my already worn out body to allow it to conform around me. My eyes squeeze shut. I can feel spasm arising and it is an ache that is very sharp. Just as Goyjo slides his mouth down me once again, it unfurls without delay and a strangled cry of his name escapes my lips \"Goyjo!\" then that incredible burst of intense pleasure replaces another weak quiver.

And he takes whatever I have left to offer. Suckling and pulling, carefully doing so for all its worth. At last, my breathing begins to slow, and my chest stops heaving. Moments, that feel like hours. Days. Months. Years. glide by, before he moves up to lie next to me, resting his head in one hand, looking at me. My face is burning. I am sweaty. My blond hair is softly matted to my face and I as well am burning hot. I feel thoroughly debauched. Yet he\'s regarding me with such utter adoration that I\'ve never felt more beautiful.

He kisses me softly. Slowly. Like I\'m delicate and fragile. And that\'s exactly how I feel. He slides his arms around me pulling me into a comfortable embrace. It\'s just what I\'ve needed. Unspoken words of I love you move through us with just that single solitary touch of our arms. I sigh contently, Listening to the sound of his heartbeat and steady breathing as they lull me into a peaceful sound sleep.

-End-