Something to Live For

Something To Live For
By Savivi

Edit 08-28-05: Trying to figure out why there are all those wierd typos... They\'re only there on the site. Hopefully, they\'re fixed.

Notes: I wrote \"Something to Live For\" a very long time ago... I think in 2001, and put it up on fanfiction.net before they got rid of the NC-17 rating. Needless to say, it was deleted, and I hadn\'t really tried to put it up again anywhere until now. So, here it is. I updated it a little, and for a first lemon I\'m proud of it. I still think it needs work.

This story takes place the night before Gene\'s duel with Lei long in the American version. I remember him about to fall asleep on his bed/cot/shrink\'s sofa, when there are footsteps walking up (or down) the metal staircase. He closes his eyes and the scene changes. Now what were those footsteps? I say they\'re Melfina. And I say they\'re coming up.

Also I truly think this scene would never happen during this time line. After the last episode, for sure, but before then Gene\'s a TOTAL pervert, and he pretty much distances himself from Melfina, not because he doesn\'t think she\'s attractive, but pretty much because she\'s so innocent and Jim would take a sledge hammer to him if he ever tried to take advantage of her. Not that he hasn\'t tried before ::snicker:: This makes it an alternate reality fic, then, I suppose... especially with the fact that in the original Japanese version the scene that was cut from the episode really makes this one obsolete.

Anyways, I didn\'t want to make this thing a mindless sex game, or completely WAFFY, so I hope there\'s some substance here that makes it flow. So you don\'t get the lemon scene until (gasp!) five pages into the story! And I know that they\'re out of character somewhat, but pfft. It\'s my story, right? Mel would never in character gather up the courage to do something like this so soon... but... ah vell.

BUT I do not own the rights to Outlaw Star. I\'m just borrowing the characters for a little bit. Enjoy! Feedback is very much appreciated!

* * * * * *

He was going to die. Those were the words that ran through his head over and over and over again, festering in his mind, chiseling down his ego, breaking apart that confidence he was hated for. Of course he wouldn\'t let the others see it, that would be weak, that would be wrong, that would be telling the truth, and he just couldn\'t take that right now.

But there were two things that took up his thoughts that night, as he lay down, staring at the skyline of the barely sleeping city. The first thing was the image of the gun pressed into his chin, of that skeleton of a man inches from his face, playing his game. It was all Gene could do to keep from shaking, and yet somehow, through it all, he had keep that smirk stone still.

The second thing was the knowledge that there was no way in hell he\'d be able to win this duel. No way at all. He\'d be dead, bleeding out his dismal life, this life that meant nothing at all, that wouldn\'t amount to much in the years to come. Not like it would matter to anybody... Well...

Suddenly he heard the quiet clicks of steps coming up the stairs, and his heart jolted. Her. Just like Melfina to worry for him, to come and try to speak some encouraging words. Well, he didn\'t need them, because they were useless anyway. What were words when a gunshot could tear through them with only it\'s sound? But when the metallic steps changed to the quiet shuffling on a carpeted floor, he found his throat tightening, and he swallowed slowly, silently and closed his eyes.

\"Gene?\" she whispered. Such a soft voice. So quiet, so caring and warm. Warmer than a human\'s. He didn\'t know what she saw in him, but it must be something only machines could find... something with a higher intelligence... or a higher heart. \"Are you still awake?\"

He kept his eyes closed, maybe shutting them a little tighter than normal, and hoped she would leave him alone to wallow in his depression. Unfortunately, he knew that wouldn\'t happen when he felt the thump of her knees against the ground, and the whisper of wind as her hand hesitated above his head.

It was all he could do to keep from flinching when her fingers brushed against his fire red hair. The touch was so light and sweet it made his heart ache.
\"I know you are,\" she whispered. \"I can read your breathing patterns.\"

Gene sighed heavily, and turned over to lie on his back. He kept his eyes locked on the ceiling, staring at the pattern the window blind\'s shadow made, and marveled at the way he could still see her eyes even in his peripheral vision.

\"Can\'t fool you, can I?\"

\"Nope,\" she said, her voice a little louder now. He could tell she was smiling. \"Never try to keep secrets from an android.\"

There was a long silence after that, and a stillness that seemed even longer. She had retracted her hand when she knew for a fact he had been awake, and Gene found his hair ached to be touched again.

\"Do you want to talk about it?\" she asked finally. He groaned and covered his eyes with a careless hand.

\"What\'s the point?\" His voice sounded whinier than he liked, and he stopped himself. \"There\'s nothing to talk about.\"

\"Really?\" she asked, slightly hurt. \"If it was me, I\'d have a lot to say. Or do you think an android won\'t understand?\"

He shot up and quickly took her hand, planting his legs on either side of her so she couldn\'t evade him easily. He sensed that things were going very wrong very quickly, and right now he wouldn\'t dare drive away the one person that could actually comfort him. She tensed as he stared at her, his eyes burned with an intensity that anyone could have seen in pitch-black darkness. It unnerved her to see him like this, so quick to reassure, so afraid to displease.

\"No,\" he said vehemently. \"That\'s not it at all. You know I don\'t think that about you, Melfina.\"

\"Then why won\'t you just tell me?\" she pleaded, holding his hand tightly. \"You can trust me, can\'t you? What\'s torturing you, Gene? What aren\'t you saying?\"

\"Melfina.\" He halted, and licked his lips, hesitating. \"Melfina... I\'m going to die tomorrow.\"

Her eyes widened, and her free hand flitted to Gene\'s face, pressing her palm to his cheek.

\"Don\'t say that. You know that\'s not true.\"

He laughed painfully as his eyes slid closed, and he leaned into her hand. \"Now you\'re the one telling the lies.\"

She bit her lip and searched for something to say, something to reassure him, something to ease the fear that was welling up in both of them. She shook her head suddenly, willing the thoughts of impending doom out of her mind, and scooted closer to the sofa, closer to him, near enough to feel the air shiver around him as her quiet breath reached his skin.

\"I think...\" she said faintly, staring into his eyes. \"I think that you need something to live for.\"

\"Something to live for,\" he echoed, his voice strangely tight. \"I have stuff to live for.\"

\"You do? Like what?\"

\"My job, the ship-\" He started listing off other things, random and trivial, and as he rambled, Melfina felt the terror in his voice even with the quake of laughter and faux amusement coating it.

\"Don\'t joke, Gene,\" she said quietly. He did stop, but hid his embarrassment under a smirk. \"I wish you wouldn\'t handle your life so carelessly.\"

\"I\'m not,\" he protested, and sighed. \"Believe me. I\'m not.\"

\"Where am I going to go if you think you\'re going to die? You\'re the only one with the strength enough to help me find out who I am.\"

\"And is that all I am to you?\" he asked bitterly. \"Just an aid?\"

She shook her head. \"You know that\'s not true. I know you do.\" There was a long pause as they searched each other\'s faces, and finally she tore her gaze away. \"What am I to you, Gene?\"

The question caught him off guard, and his eyes snapped to her downcast form. Feeling his eyes on her, she lifted her head up, only slightly, to stare at his chest, and didn\'t dare find out what his look could mean.

\"I think that\'s the question I\'ve been asking lately. Not just \'what am I?\' but \'what am I to Gene?\' An android who doesn\'t know her place in this world, a girl who\'s nice and can cook really well but not useful for much else... or...\"

He hooked a finger under her chin and lifted her face, his eyes shifting from her trembling lips to her pale marble skin tinted blue by the night. The air seemed to thicken, and Melfina breathed in deeply as Gene\'s thumb brushed over her smooth lip, tracing the cherry smooth surface and was amazed to find them slightly chapped.

\"You ask the most unnerving questions,\" he breathed.

She rose slightly, and brought their faces closer together. Their breath mingled in the millimeters between them, but it was a car horn in the distance that made Melfina jump. Gene quickly placed a hand behind her neck, reeling her in the rest of the way. When their lips met, she relaxed completely, and flattened her hands on his tense shoulders. Every now and then when Melfina\'s eyes fluttered open, she saw through her double vision that he was frowning, concentrating.

She marveled at how gentle Gene could be when he wanted to. When one breaks down that shell of a cocky, carefree man who cares about no one but himself, one finds he is in reality soft, tender hearted and very careful not to hurt those he does, in fact, care for.

Somewhere between a minute and an hour, their kisses deepened, and her hands moved into his hair, ensuing a low moan from the back of his throat. She backed away slightly, not quite sure what that meant, and stared as Gene\'s eyes watched her every movement with an intensity she had only seen when he piloted the Outlaw Star.

\"Gene?\" she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. Sensing that he was straining his neck, Melfina rose all the way up. Gene wrapped his arms around her waist, and pressing her close to him, buried his face in her soft body. She smiled hesitantly after the small wave of shock subsided and ran her fingers through his hair, petting him almost like a child.

\"Damnit,\" he cursed, muffled by her shirt. Gene loosened his hold and looked up at her with the saddest eyes she had ever seen. \"We shouldn\'t have started this.\"

\"What?\" She was baffled at his words, and felt herself go numb when he gently took her hands from his hair. \"What are you doing, Gene?\"

\"Go back to bed, Melfina. I\'ll see you in the morning.\" He turned away to lie back down on the sofa. She trembled slightly, and began to turn away, but suddenly heard his voice in her mind begging, begging to stay.

\"I know what you\'re trying to do,\" she said to him, turning back, but the fear crept up into her voice. \"It\'s not working.\"

\"What isn\'t?\"

\"You kissed me, Gene,\" she stated. \"That means something.\"

\"I\'ve kissed a lot of girls, Mel.\" He didn\'t look at her, though, and her heart fluttered.

\"Not like that,\" she murmured and hovered over him, her hair spilling over to surround them both. Her eyes were dark and intense, and filled him with a fear he had kept away far too long. \"I don\'t think you\'ve ever kissed those other girls quite like that before.\"

He tried to look away, but his eyes couldn\'t move. \"I\'m not naïve, Gene. I know there are a lot of things you\'ve done that you aren\'t comfortable doing with me... but those weren\'t girls you kissed, Gene. Those were women, right? Well, maybe a few girls-\"

\"Stop it, Mel.\" She was torturing him. \"Come on.\"

\"You\'re only human,\" she said quietly and straightened. \"Maybe not the most committed one out there, but I understand that there are some things you\'ve needed that I...\"

\"We were never together.\"

\"Did I ever say that?\" she asked faintly. There was a long silence before she got to the point. \"You\'re trying to protect me, aren\'t you?\"

\"Damnit, Melfina,\" he hissed and sat up, grabbing her wrists. \"You don\'t want me.\"

\"That\'s not true,\" she said. She was calmer now, a little more optimistic because he hadn\'t said _I don\'t want you_. \"Ever since I healed you from the poison those pirates gave you I\'ve felt something inside me grow. I can\'t... I can\'t stop thinking about you... and if you die tomorrow, without knowing how I feel, without me knowing how you feel...\"

\"I don\'t want to hurt you.\"

\"I need to give you something to live for, Gene.\" She moved closer to him, and climbed onto the sofa, sitting on his lap, her legs tucked in and hugging his sides. She felt him harden against her inner thigh, and her unnerving excitement grew with the knowledge that she wasn\'t wrong. \"You\'re only going to die because you think you are.\"

\"You don\'t need to give me anything,\" he said, his throat tight. He swallowed. She easily pried her hands out of his grip and placed them on his face, tracing the scars that lined his cheek. \"Get off of me, Mel. Before I do something I know I\'ll regret.\"

She kissed him this time, because she realized that nothing she could say would ever register in his mind. He was a man of action, not too keen on subtlety, and words of love and affection were only lies in the world of an outlaw. He did what he meant, and all the while let deceptions drop from his mouth like pearls.

He only struggled slightly before giving into her gesture, sliding his hand to her back, grasping her shirt, pulling it back a little to have her curves press against the tight cloth. His other hand glided along her thigh, taking her gray tights with it. He was astonished at how smooth she was, at how soft and receptive she could be to his touch. Melfina\'s muscles jumped with every brush of skin against skin, and Gene groaned and pressed her hard against him, his lips almost crushing against hers, but being sure to hold back.

He gently urged her to open her mouth, and she did willingly, but was startled when she felt his tongue slide in and flick against her own. She squirmed and broke the kiss off quickly, only to be quickly ashamed at her uneasiness.

\"I\'m sorry,\" she stammered and tried to continue the kiss, but Gene held her back with a touch to her cheek.

\"Why?\" he asked, his eyes twinkling with amusement. \"Still new to this kind of thing?\"

\"You\'re mocking me,\" she said, pouting. \"I know how it works...\"

He became serious. \"I\'m sorry.\"

\"Gene, I want to do this,\" she whispered. His eyes softened as he watched her fear and eagerness mix to create a hauntingly beautiful expression.

He nodded his head and kissed her nose. \"Okay. We\'ll do this.\"

\"And please don\'t treat me like a child.\" He licked her lips slowly, and felt her breath catch. He guessed that was better.

She tried the last kiss again, this time more prepared, and in simple gestures he taught her how to play the game, although she thought it was a little odd to have another\'s tongue invading her mouth. After a while, she sighed, ready to go on to the next level, and Gene had to laugh. She frowned slightly, but he reassured her it was only because she was so cute, and began to trail slight kisses down her fresh neck before stopping his mouth at the pulse nestled in the dip of her collarbone. She shivered and sighed in contentment as his kisses moved sideways, his fingers carefully pushing away her suspenders and moving away the loose fitting shirt to get to her shoulder.

\"Should I be doing something?\" she asked, breathing in deeply, and felt him stop and move to face her. She scooted back a little, and pulled his shirt up with more than a little difficulty. They both laughed after the struggle was over with his skin tight tank top defeated and on the floor, but her laughter subsided, leaving only a faint smile. \"So many scars,\" she murmured, tracing the memories of slashes along his arms and chest. \"They give you character. Like tiger stripes.\"

\"A tiger, huh?\" His smile darkened impishly. \"You like them?\"

She locked eyes with him. \"I love tigers,\" she murmured and dipped her head, almost shocked by her boldness, tracing a scar on his chest with her tongue. Gene shuddered, and dove a hand into her hair.

\"God, Mel,\" he groaned, and she hummed in pleasure that she was doing something right, and he laughed at the sensation, uncomfortable with how light her touch was. He just wasn\'t used to this kind of treatment, to be handled so carefully. In fact, the entire situation unsettled him. Not that he minded at all, because... oh, God... it wasn\'t such an unexpected idea, him and Melfina. Together. In the same bed. But he had always imagined her being timid and scared, with him being the one to sooth her fears, trace her curves, send her over the edge on a hot wave of overwhelming ecstasy. Gene wasn\'t supposed to be the one handled like a china doll, like porcelain with a few cracks in it already.

He tugged at her hair a little, bringing her back to meet his eyes.

\"Am I doing something wrong?\"

\"Of course not.\" He kissed her and leaned forward, taking the advantage of unbuttoning the first few buttons of her shirt. \"You couldn\'t.\" He slipped the fabric down her arms, and watched, mesmerized, as the cloth caught onto the swell of her breasts before falling around her waist. He half moaned at the sight of her moon white flesh, and cupped one hand around her breast, his callused hands rasping against the lace of her bra. His thumb ran over the hardened nipple jutting out, concealed from the fabric, and Melfina\'s eyes rolled back as she gasped at the new sensation.

\"It\'s so much different when you do it,\" she murmured and gasped out again when his lips pressed against the lace, his hot breath making her shudder. He stopped, though, when he heard those words, and her eyes widened in realization at what she had just said. He looked up at her in mild surprise, and she blushed furiously, embarrassed beyond belief.

\"So... you\'re not as innocent as people would think,\" he teased, taking her hand and placing it on her breast.

\"Don\'t make fun of me,\" she moaned in distress, tearing her hand away from him.

\"I\'m not... you just never seemed to be the kind of girl who would-\"

\"I haven\'t been with anybody else,\" she protested.

\"I know you haven\'t,\" he said, and her flush turned crimson when she caught that look in his eye. That incredibly deep and barely controllable shimmer. She squirmed in his lap, and he moaned in an almost agonized pain before she stilled.

\"Careful,\" he said, his voice ragged. \"It\'s hard enough to stay in control without you helping.\"

She murmured an apology, and he ran a hand through her hair, hooking some strands behind an ear.

\"So what else have you done?\" he asked, almost severely curious, but knew he went too far when she turned her head away. \"Hey... hey, Mel. I\'m sorry.\"

\"No, don\'t be,\" she said, and hid her face in his neck. \"I mean... you\'ve...\"

\"Hell, yeah,\" he said, tracing her spine with his hand. \"Everybody does. If they don\'t, there\'s something seriously wrong with them.\"

\"I just wanted to be sure... that everything worked.\"

\"I know what you mean.\"

They both laughed and Gene kissed her tenderly. She returned with unbound appreciation. Carefully, he pushed the lace away from her form, and breathed in deeply when he saw the rose colored circles emerge. Melfina slipped the rest of her shirt completely off her body, and as she arched her back to unhook her bra, Gene buried his face between her breasts and inhaled her scent. Intoxicating.

His hands roamed her back, supporting her as he kissed over her skin, and then lingered at a soft peak, tracing his tongue around an erect nipple, feeling the rise and fall of her chest as she inhaled sharply when he took it between his teeth and began to gently suck.

\"God, you\'re gorgeous,\" he said between heated kisses, and she moaned in the way he had tried to get her to do since they first touched. He stilled somewhat, and thought about that, before smiling wickedly and licked the skin between her breasts. \"Beautiful.\" Again, that cry that set his nerves on fire. \"Divine.\"

\"Gene,\" she whispered, and struggled to straighten. He helped her up, and watched as she unbuttoned her skirt, and pulled it over her head, not wanting to get up, and then she was only left in her underwear. Cotton. He touched her hip, feeling her shiver, exposed to the air, and his fingers dipped in under the elastic, running along her porcelain skin, right above the small triangle of coarse, wiry hair that seemed so sacred.

Melfina\'s hands roamed across the hard and lean muscles of his stomach, but before she could go any further, he twisted his body, placing her on her back in his place as he stood and tugged at the drawstring to his pants, letting them fall to the ground. He stepped out of them, his arousal obvious behind the loose boxers he wore.

The fact was she had seen him naked before. Not exactly in this situation, of course, but in another that was a little more hectic and disastrous, where he had to open his heart to her, or die. Maybe that was why she had felt such a longing for him, to open his heart to her again. But that had been completely different. Right now, with him walking towards her, his eyes half closed in anticipation, a sudden lurch in her stomach took Melfina by surprise.

As Gene lowered himself on top of her, he sensed her uneasiness, and kissed her lips as gently as he could, before tracing her jaw line and neck, down to her collarbone, around the curve of her breast, to her stomach, and lower, lower until...

\"Gene,\" she gasped as his fingers brushed the cotton, and her nerves aroused as she lifted her hips to have his hand cup her firmly. He groaned and buried his face in her neck, inhaling deeply. He hooked his fingers onto the elastic, and dragged the last remaining barrier from her body. His thumb heatedly parted her flesh and pressed into the small bud of nerves as his index finger slipped into the soft opening, but stopped, shocked at the feel of her slickness.

It was synthetic, artificial, though anyone would never be able to tell. And that was what made the fury inside him build. It was shocking, having the reality come crashing down again, and he could feel her anxiety, as her muscles clenched around his finger, as her arms stilled their caresses on his back.

\"You\'re angry,\" she whispered, and felt his shoulders tense. His ragged breath was all she could hear as he lifted his head and Gene looked straight into her eyes.

\"The bastard,\" he murmured, and slid his finger out, bringing it up to see him taste it and grimace. It was right... the taste was exactly right.

\"What?\" she was terrified now, and confused as he clutched her hips, and then her breasts in an almost scientific way. \"Gene... what are you doing? This isn\'t funny.\"

\"You\'re perfect,\" he muttered, dragging a hand down her thigh, and lifted it at her knee, tipping her hips up. \"God.\"

\"Isn\'t that a good thing?\" she asked, and shuddered as he dragged his body against hers, as he eyed her, checking their fit. \"Gene?\"

She couldn\'t have been made for... no, definitely not. She seemed too important for being some...

\"Gene?\" She called to him again, and brought him back to her. They locked eyes. His face softened immediately, and he kissed her in apology but she could tell he held back. \"What\'s going on?\"

\"I...\" He hesitated, but then went back to his place on her shoulder. \"It\'s nothing... I\'m sorry... Do you want to keep on going?\"

\"I don\'t know,\" she said, biting her lip. \"You ruined the mood at little.\"

\"I know.\" He cursed, and she smiled, if a little shakily.

\"You\'re ready, though, aren\'t you?\" Melfina shifted slightly, and knew by his groan that she was right. But she was put off guard when he lifted his head again and glared down at her.

\"I\'m not like that, Mel,\" he said, his voice harsh. \"I would never do that.\"

\"I-I know that, Gene.\"

\"You believe me, right?\" She nodded his head, but his scowl would not leave. \"Tell me you believe me.\"

\"I believe you.\"

\"I don\'t want you to think I\'m using you like some toy.\"

\"I don\'t. Gene, please. I don\'t know what\'s wrong.\"

He stopped and realized what he was doing to her, as he pinned her to the sofa, their bodies pressed together in the most intimate way. He was scaring her. Scaring her to death with his anger and, yes, guilt. And now, as their eyes locked, he was waiting for her to shove him off of her, have him sprawling on the ground as he watched her run away, and never look back at him again. But he saw her eyes melt as he realized she wasn\'t the only one who was scared.

\"God, Melfina,\" he whispered. \"You\'re something to live for.\"

In that final kiss, he barely felt her hands remove his boxers, and shuddered when her legs wrapped around his waist. He guided himself into her, and closed his eyes at her warmth. She was fresh, with every movement she made he knew she was innocent. It was his name she whispered as he thrust deeper into her, and that was all that mattered.

He was gentle with her, gentle with himself as they moved, each thrust slower than the last, deeper, more excruciating. They muffled their cries so as not to wake the others, but soon it was harder to control the rhythm, and his mind slipped away to leave only emotion. But his instincts still left a tenderness, a carefulness to the pleasure, where with any other woman he would have continued with reckless abandon.

Her hold on his back tensed suddenly, the muscles that sheathed him clenching, and her silent cry into his neck was the last thing he knew before the sensations he had held in check exploded, a super nova, blinding him. He collapsed on top of her, gasping for air, feeling her lungs expand with her own ragged breaths, and before he crushed her under his weight he lifted himself, taking his weight on his arms that were on either side of her head.

She held him back when he began to slip out of her.

\"Please,\" she whispered. \"Stay... I feel complete with you...\"

He smiled and nodded his head, carefully descending again, their skin molding against each other. Amazing how right it felt to have skin against skin... it was a sensation she couldn\'t put into words, and she pressed him closer to her.

After a while, they separated, and switched positions, Melfina\'s head resting on his chest, Gene\'s fingers making patterns along her spine. At a timeless hour, he realized she was asleep, her breathing low and regular, the repeating simplicity of it made it harder for him to keep his eyes open, and finally he closed them, his dreams mixed with Melfina, duels, and death.

When Gene woke up again that morning, she was gone, the voices in the kitchen reminding him that the dreaded day had approached. He got up and stretched, put on his clothes, and made his way down the stairs, back to reality, not quite sure if the night before was a dream.

When their eyes met, though, as she set the plate of breakfast down in front of him, she smiled at him, a new smile that held secrets only they shared, and Gene smiled faintly, prepared to win, and prepared to live.

FIN.