A/N: I don’t own
Gravitation.

Gloaming

This is my
favorite time of the day, when the shadows grow long and the daylight fades to
gray. Now my life can begin and my soul
awakens. Now I can leave behind the
daylight hours where I exist in uncertainty, flinching at harsh words or a
raised hand. My lover can be cruel and
unyielding to my pleas, degrading and demeaning and filling me with
self-loathing. How could he possibly
love me when I despise myself so much?
But this holds true only with the sun; as dusk returns, so does my
self-worth and I once again am validated.

I live with
a monster, that much is true, a Jekyll and Hyde to torture and pleasure
me. He doesn’t acknowledge the
atrocities he may have committed, doesn’t notice a split lip, or a bruised
cheek. As the light wanes his hard eyes
filled with hatred and loathing soften and change.yes\"> He may look confused for a moment, disoriented, and then he
smiles as if I’d just arrived.

In the
gloaming he speaks to me, sees me – values me.
We share some wine as he prepares a meal; our conversation is light and
pleasant. As I wash vegetables he may
come up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kisses me lovingly on
the back of my neck. I’ve learned with
much practice not to flinch at his touch – it troubles him to think me
afraid. I’ve learned to lean into him
gratefully, enjoying his heat against my back.

Every night
we spend together like lovers after a busy day apart, even though I haven’t
been anywhere else. He keeps me home,
won’t let me leave, and assaults me with cruel words and impatient fists.style=\"mso-spacerun: yes\"> Sometime he takes me, too roughly, bent over
his desk and I let the tears slide silently down my cheeks.style=\"mso-spacerun: yes\"> At night he doesn’t notice the bruising, the
tenderness. I pretend too, to a certain
extent. Part of me chooses to forget
the daylight hours spent in despair.

As the
darkness deepens so does our intimacy.
Every night is filled with passion and love.yes\"> It’s as if he uses his mouth, his hands, his manhood to erase the
evils he’s committed. My body forgives
him, melting against his caresses and loving him feverishly in return.style=\"mso-spacerun: yes\"> Then I allow myself to doze in his loving
embrace. I allow myself to feel loved.

I stay
aware of the passing of time and the coming dawn, while trying to not squander
a second of my beloved darkness. If
sunrise catches me unaware I fear for my safety.yes\"> I’ve become such a light sleeper.yes\"> I leave his bed before dawn, wrapping myself in the memory of the
previous night like armor. I’m willing
to endure the torture for the sole promise of another sunset.

I’m sure
there may come a day when I may not live to see the gloaming, but I have made
my choice. I’ve sealed my fate.style=\"mso-spacerun: yes\"> My darling Yuki, for you I have sold my
soul.