I Want You

I Want You


Disclaimer: These beautiful Weiß boys are not mine, no matter what the voices in my head insist upon. They belong to Project Weiß and Koyasu Takehito. “I Want You” is recorded by Savage Garden. This is my first song-fic. Absolutely no spoilers, strictly PWP. Originally completed as a Valentine’s Gift 2005 for my Muse; revised on July 27 to satisfy my obsessive/compulsive nature.


**Every time I need to see your face I just close my eyes
**And I am taken to a place where your crystal mind
**And magenta feelings
**Take up shelter in the base of my spine
**Just like a chick-a-cherry cola

It’s early morning; much, much earlier than I am normally conscious, but something has been stirring deep inside me for a while now; something which has driven me to wake at this awful hour for the past week or so. Refusing to budge this early in the day I light a cigarette, burrow back into my pillows and listen. I can hear you, quietly moving around the room next to mine, hushed sounds flowing through the paper-thin wall, sending a delicious shiver up my spine. I picture you in my mind’s eye, readying yourself for the day’s activities. I can see you as clearly as if you were standing right in front of me; all alabaster skin, fiery red hair and shadowed violet eyes. My breath shudders through me as I glide a hand down my chest and across my stomach, ghosting over my growing erection. A soft moan escapes my lips as I imagine how good it would feel to have you rubbing against me in place of my own palm. Running the tip of my tongue across a dry lower lip, I wonder how you would taste; if you would be as sweet as I imagine. With such a dour personality, I’m adamant that something about you has to be sweet. My money’s on those tantalizing lips and that flawlessly breathtaking white skin.

We have been playing this game for some time now; dancing around each other like moths to a flame. Do you even realize what you do to me? Do you even care? After a moment I gasp, choking down a huge gulp of air as my brain finally remembers to tell my lungs to breathe. I am so close to the edge I can almost see it. That’s when I stop torturing myself. I have had enough. This cannot go on. Mindful of the insistent throbbing in my crotch, I crush out what’s left of my cigarette, toss off my covers and swing my legs over the side of my bed. You may just slice me into a million tiny bits with that katana of yours, but damn it, this cannot go on.

**I don’t need to try to explain I just hold on tight
**And if it happens again I might move so slightly
**To the arms and the lips and the face
**Of the human cannonball
**‘Cause I need to, I want to

Sliding on a pair of red silk pajama pants, more to protect your modesty than my own as I prefer to sleep unencumbered, I grab a small bottle from my nightstand, cram it into my pocket then stride purposefully out the door of my room and straight through the door to yours, locking it behind me. “Hn,” is your only acknowledgement, as you don’t even bother to look up from one of your morning rituals, methodically smoothing down the sheets of your bed. In two strides I am next to you and without further thought to self-preservation, I wrap a hand around your forearm, spinning you around to face me, more roughly than even I had anticipated. You jerk back, body tensing, the palm of one ice-cold hand shoving against my chest, violet eyes clouding with rage and confusion. “What the…” you hiss, only to be cut off by my lips sealing against yours in the first kiss I have been dying to share with you. You struggle, briefly, almost half-heartedly, before melting into me. I wrap an arm around your waist and draw you in tighter to my chest, grinding my hips into yours, as your eyes widen, shocked, frightened, like a deer caught in headlights. I whisper to you, calming, soothing until the panic ebbs, the fear subsides and your eyes slide closed. Taking your lower lip between my teeth, I bite down, causing you to gasp. Ever the opportunist, I use this moment to slide my tongue into the moist cavern of your mouth, finally tasting the honey I knew I would find there. Your body stiffens in my arms for a moment then, hesitantly, I feel your tongue awkwardly echo my explorations, the kiss deepening until I hear the soft cries issuing from your throat. I move from your lips to your neck, lavishing attention onto the smooth, pale column being offered to me. You’re so soft… I’m intrigued. I would never have guessed. I trail small bites and kisses from your ear to your collarbone, the entire way marveling at your softness. Your head lolls back and your moans grow more insistent as my tongue discovers the hollow at the base of your throat. Well, well… who would have imagined getting such a positive response… from YOU? I chuckle softly, the vibrations of the laugh eliciting a heady sigh. My mind is reeling, intoxicated by you. I’m going into sensory overload already and we’ve barely just begun. Drawing back to gasp for air and collect myself, I cradle your face in my hands, tenderly, threading my fingers through the long tendrils of fine red hair, the pad of my right thumb running over your soft lips now swollen from the force of our kisses.

Mmm, some days it’s just good to be me.

**Come stand a little bit closer
**Breathe in and get a bit higher
**You’ll never know what hit you
**When I get to you

Regaining your composure, somewhat, you push back from me, head lowered and body shaking. “Stop,” you beg; the word not much more than a whisper. “I can’t,” is my reply as I reach for you once again, enfolding my arms around your trembling frame and drawing you toward me. As cool to the touch as your demeanor implies, I wrap myself around you, sharing the heat that has been radiating from me like solar flares. Your arms loosely encircle my waist, hands sliding coolly up my back as you bury your face against my shoulder, your lips brushing lightly against my neck, sending jolts of ecstasy throughout my body.

“Why, Yohji?’ you murmur against my throat, a sense of anguish in your voice, the feel of your lips brushing over my sensitive skin making me giddy with the rush. The question and your tone clutch at my heart for a moment. Do you still think yourself unworthy of love? After all of this time… after all that we have been through. I place a hand under your chin, tilting it toward me so that I can gaze into your eyes, those stunning violet eyes that have seen too much pain, too much loss, too much sadness in so short a time. The same eyes that are now staring at me through too-long strands of red hair, partially glazed yet still perplexed. “Oh, Aya,” I groan, finding it suddenly difficult to breathe again, the words I’m searching for escaping my brain before I have the opportunity to verbalize them. Ah, well… let me show you then.

**Ooh, I want you

Your body nervously contours itself to mine as I glide my hands over your shirt. I consider tearing the offending garment off you, shredding the fabric into tiny pieces, since it is what I consider to be one of your least attractive shirts; which isn’t saying much since you, Aya, love, have no fashion-sense whatsoever. I quickly reconsider after gauging our proximity to your katana. This morning has been progressing ideally thus far; I see nothing positive coming from getting myself killed now. My fingers move back up to toy with the long gold post dangling from your left ear before I comb through your flowing sea of red, reveling in the feel of your hair as tiny sounds continue to escape from your throat. At the very least, I now have my answer. You want this as much as I do.

**I don’t know if I need you

Your breath hitches in your chest as you tremble within the circle of my arms. I can feel the hesitancy, the confusion, the fear in the way you continually tense then relax under my touch, your indecision steadily driving me mad. I slow my movements, against my body’s rather compelling arguments. In an effort to calm you I begin to caress you, stroking your satiny skin much like one would pet a kitten, willing you to relax as I do my best to allay your fears. It’s okay Aya, love, I won’t hurt you. I promise you I won’t hurt you. We stand together next to your bed like this for what feels like an eternity, as the war for your soul rages on in your mind. Suddenly, without warning, you finally move. This time the kiss is instigated by you, hot and wanting, panting into my mouth and melting against me like butter. You’ve broken through some barrier within yourself, haven’t you? I smile as I reap the benefits of being in the right place at the right time. We can take the next step now.

**But, ooh, I’m dying to find out

With an arm around your waist, I bend you backwards, pressing you to the unyielding slab you call a bed as I fall with you. You put up a brief struggle, which you abandon as soon as I roll over and draw your defiant body across my chest. Issues with being on the bottom, Aya? I’ll have to file that fact away for future reference. Okay, back to the matter at hand. “Gods, Aya, this thing is a rock. How the hell do you sleep on it?” I grumble, awareness finally seeping into my brain at just how uncomfortable your bed really is, so unlike my own opulent nest. You sigh heavily, mumble something unintelligible and begin moving away from me. Baffled, I stop you with a firm grip on your arm and you turn back to look at me, violet eyes gazing sadly into mine. It only takes me a moment to figure out what an idiot I am and to come to the realization that we could be doing this on the frozen concrete floor of the Koneko and it wouldn’t matter at all. All that matters is the mostly willing body draped across me. Threading my fingers through your hair, I raise my head and draw your decadent mouth to mine for yet another passionate kiss. YOU are what matters, Aya… only you, nothing else.

**Ooh, I want you

Eons later, we fall apart from one another, breathless. You sit up, straddling my hips, hands on either side of my ribcage and I know you can feel how much I want you through the thin covering of silk I have thrown on, solely for your benefit. Studying you with a mock-scowl, it dawns on me that you’re still fully dressed. Something needs to be done about that. I work at your buttons, leisurely, deliberately as I feel you tremble slightly at my touch. Despite my brain’s vehement protests, I take this as slowly as possible. I want you to know everything I’m feeling Aya, love. I want you to experience this morning to its fullest. And for purely selfish reasons, I want to savor every second I can of this extremely unlikely situation you and I find ourselves in.

Buttons finally undone, I peel the black fabric away from you carefully as though I am unwrapping a very precious gift, which, in a way, this is, isn’t it? I wonder, am I your first? Your body says, “No,” but… I’m not so sure. This is YOU, after all. Regardless… whether I’m your first or not, from what I’m already feeling, something tells me that after today… I’m gonna wanna be the last.

**I don’t know if I need you

Suddenly, you surprise me with your assistance, as you grab the bottom of your own shirt and tug it free from your jeans, letting the material glide down your arms to pool behind you, across my legs. Geez, Aya, you work with flowers all day. Ever notice they come in something called COLORS? What is it about you and the semi-goth wardrobe, anyway? Don’t you own any clothes in some color other than black; and I’m not talking about that hideous orange sweater you refuse to part with? I seriously think a trip to the mall is in order… later… if you don’t kill me first. Huh… now I’m mad at my mind for wandering off on such a weird tangent when I’ve got you sitting astride me and willingly removing your clothes. Concentrate, Kudoh!

**But, ooh, I’m dying to find out

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I turn my mind back to the task at hand. With the shirt gone, your chest is finally exposed to me, heaving and panting under the strain of my ministrations. You are so beautiful I can barely think and I once again forget to breathe. I want to tell you everything I am feeling, yet every time I open my mouth to speak, the words evaporate and I’m forced to fall back upon my more familiar adage of actions speaking louder. Drawing you to me once again I roll us onto our sides. I feel the panic start to rise in you immediately. I stop moving for a moment, allowing you a few precious seconds to calm yourself. Damn, Aya, I’m not going to hurt you. What the hell happened to you that makes you so skittish? You stop struggling; probably when you realize I’m not going to flip us all the way over. Propped up on one arm, I gaze down at you, still not believing my luck. I run a hand over your body soothingly, glorying in the feel of your flawless skin, finally unimpeded by cloth. I just can’t get enough of the way you feel, your pale skin so soft beneath my palm, your taut, smooth stomach, your finely muscled chest, your delectable throat and neck and your face… gods, Aya… these angular, yet delicate, almost feminine features. Gods, you’re beautiful. My chest tightens at the mere thought as I lean forward and latch onto a dusky nipple; my hand teasing your other one. This earns me another moan from you, deep and husky as your body arches toward me. Ah, found one of your switches, did I? I smile, my brain filing this information away for future reference as well. Good… some guys don’t like this kind of attention. I’m thanking the gods you’re not one of them as you throw one of your legs across my thigh, your hands clutching at my chest. As I lick and nibble at you I watch your face in utter fascination, the entire range of human emotions crossing your porcelain-like features. Your eyes are closed but your lips, swollen from our kisses, move wordlessly. Reaching up to tangle my fingers through your hair, I call to you, “Aya, love. Look at me.” When I receive no response I try again. “Aya… open your eyes, love.”

**I’m the kind of person who endorses a deep commitment
**Getting comfy, getting perfect is what I live for
**But one look and then the smell of perfume
**It’s like I’m down on the floor
**And I don’t know what I’m in for

Slowly, your lids glide upward revealing deep purple eyes that have glazed over entirely with the heat of our passion. Unfocused, you watch me, or at least try to. As you lay there, I tighten an arm around you, clutching you flush to the heat of my chest and tucking your head beneath my chin, I bury a kiss in your hair, the scent of roses finally working its way through my beleaguered consciousness and I smile again. Roses, huh, Aya? Yet another layer of sweet beneath the sour. I should have guessed. Oddly, it is the scent of roses on you that drives me further toward the edge. I bring your mouth to mine once again, crushing our lips together and being pleasantly surprised to realize that your tongue is taking some initiative and is cautiously brushing against mine. With a groan I sit up, dragging you with me. That’s it… these jeans have got to go. Without breaking the kiss, I fight with first the button, then the zipper on your jeans as you somehow manage to wriggle your hands into my waistband and, in the process, begin sliding the flimsy piece of red silk down my hips. In the middle of this progression we both seem to decide it may be easier and much quicker if we just removed our own articles of clothing instead. This leads to what looks a lot like a wrestling match on top of your bed, ending in a very loud crash.

In the frantic shedding of our clothes we have somehow managed to work our way to the edge of, then right off the side of your bed, winding up in a tangled heap of beddings, clothing and limbs on the floor. Actually, I should have thought of this sooner, since I swear the wood beneath me is far more comfortable than your bed may ever be. I gather you into my arms once more, breathing in your rose-tinged scent and sighing happily. Your naked body rests fluidly against mine and I’m in heaven. Laughingly, I ask, “You okay?” stroking your hair, brushing it away from your face so that I can watch you as you look up at me and nod, almost imperceptibly. Your fingers toy with a strand of my hair, your touch intoxicating, the feeling so sensuous that I close my eyes, almost wanting to purr. Suddenly the hypnotic feeling stops and my eyes snap open as I frown at the loss of contact. You’ve drawn back, watching me almost suspiciously, indecision written clearly across your otherwise gorgeous features. Shit! I thought we’d gotten past this. Okay, let’s try again. “What is it, Aya, love? What’s wrong?”

I can’t read your face anymore as your emotions are racing by too fast for me to decipher. Wow! I’m actually awed by what I’m witnessing. We been known to go through days at a time when no one ever really notices you having even a single emotion and here I am watching an entire kaleidoscope of them rush by me. And I’m the cause of it. Damn, I’m good! You shake your head, either in a vague response to my inquiry or to clear it, I can’t tell. “I don’t know.” I’m not certain I actually heard that, as quietly murmured as it was. Maybe it was just my imagination.

“What is it, love?” I press again. Tucking your hair back from where it has fallen in a red curtain obscuring your face, I want you to look at me. Weary violet eyes connect with mine as I finally hear you repeat, “I don’t know.”

“Don’t know what, Aya? What’s wrong?”

A shudder and a sigh later you finally answer me. “I don’t know what I’m doing here, Yohji.”

Closing my arms around you in my pathetic attempt to make you feel safe and wanted, I whisper, “You’re allowing yourself to be human for once.” At the puzzled expression I receive regarding this little observation, I elaborate. “You’re always so wrapped up in your own tidy, strict…” the word “anal” goes through my mind here, but I bite my tongue to keep it from slipping out, “… little world, Aya. You can’t go through your entire life like that, it’s not healthy. You’ve got to allow yourself to break free every once in a while. Have fun. Do something wild, something crazy… something un-Aya-like.”

After several moments in silent contemplation, those elegant eyebrows of yours arch severely then knit together in a frown. “I can do crazy.”

Without thinking I snort, “Sure you can, love.”

There is a heartbeat of hesitation before I hear your soft, rather bemused reply, “You’re still alive, aren’t you?”

In the face of insurmountable evidence, the prosecution withdraws its allegations.

I’m sure the look on my face is priceless considering the fact that you, our usually tacit Aya just cracked a joke; regardless of the fact that it was at my expense and not to mention the additional fact that you did it while lying naked on your floor sprawled across an equally naked me. Stunned speechless might not even cover what I’m feeling right now. That is, until your hands take this opportunity to do some exploring of their own and my brain shifts into overdrive.

**Conversation has a time a place in the interaction
**Of a lover and a mate, but the time of talking
**Using symbols, using words could be likened to
**A deep-sea diver who is swimming with a raincoat

Less talk, more action. Your hands on my body feel like heaven, as your palms brush lightly over me, your touch not much more than a cool whisper caressing its way across my inflamed skin. I can barely stifle the groans fighting to force their way out of my throat, biting into my lower lip just to keep them in check. I need you, Aya, love. I need to be near you, inside you. I need to feel your heartbeat against my chest, your hot breath against my neck. I need to know what you feel like when you come and I need to know what it feels like when I come with you. And I need to know all of this NOW.

My needs overwhelm me as my hands roam your body freely, urgently, taking in the silky smooth feel of your skin, still cool to the touch but now flushed with desire. I glide up your arms, across your ribcage, around your back and over your smooth, taut ass, tightening my fingers around the firm globes and pulling your hips deeper into mine. I bite back a moan of anticipation, not wanting to frighten you away. For your part, you retreat to grasp my shoulders tightly, as though unsure of what you should do. Remembering your fear of being on the bottom I sit you upright, bracing your back against the wall. The question in your eyes is answered in the next moment, when I slide between your legs, pushing them up and out, laving my tongue up one milky white thigh and down the other. Your head falls back with a moan, eyes clenched tightly shut as I flick the tip of my tongue fleetingly over the head of your sex. Hands beneath your legs, lifting them up to spread you a little wider, I move in closer, ready to get down to business. I place a light kiss upon your hypersensitive tip, tasting the salty-sweet fluid now coating it, then proceed to roll my tongue around the shaft, careful not to take too much of it into my mouth just yet. As it is, you’ve got a death grip on my hair and your hips start to buck in cadence with my tongue’s caresses. The sounds you’re making are coming faster and faster, as your lower body no longer even touches the floor and your entire frame begins to shudder violently. I dip a little further to press into the space between your cheeks as you moan breathlessly, my tongue pushing inside, gently easing you open. I work you, ceaselessly, as you thrash and moan against me, one hand sliding over your shaft as my tongue slowly makes headway, sinking deeper and deeper into your body.

The sound of your whimpering is music to my ears, especially when I recognize the melody… my name repeatedly falling from your lips, “Yohji.” Just the way you say it has me straining to keep from coming on the spot. I run my tongue along the underside of your erection before finally closing my mouth over the entire shaft, drawing your hardened length as deeply down my throat as I possibly can. As soon as I start moving, letting you slide out then plunging all the way back down to cover you, the fingers in my hair tighten painfully. Oh yeah… I’m pretty sure you’re pulling some of it out, but there is no way I am stopping now. Not when we’re so close… so close. Just a brush of one mischievous finger over your hidden little pucker and you explode in my mouth, your body rocking with the force of the shock, shouting my name so loudly I’m positive our friends down the hall have heard it and, if they weren’t awake earlier, they certainly are now. I don’t care. There is much more fun to be had here and I will not be denied.

I drink in every last drop of you before I move up and latch myself to your lips once again, bracing your body against mine as your current boneless state threatens to have you sliding down the wall and pooling into a puddle of mush across my lap. You can taste your own essence in my mouth and your eyes widen in astonishment, though your body remains limp in my arms, languid, spent and sated. Not for long my love, not for long. No rest for the weary, as they say. I have granted you the first taste of fulfillment… now it is my turn.

My fingers are plumbing the depths of your mouth before you even realize that I’ve pulled my lips away. I nearly come just from the sensation of your tongue rolling around them, sucking and licking, savoring them as you might a lollipop or Popsicle.

Once you have thoroughly laved my fingers, I withdraw them from between your lips, eliciting a petulant sound of disappointment from you until I once again cover your mouth with mine. Mindful, at least as much as I can be at this point in the game, of your on-again, off-again uncertainty, I slowly work my hand around your delectable ass to brush against the tiny treasure hidden within. As deliberately as my lust-addled brain will allow, I place a single digit at the muscled ring secreted there and lightly but insistently push it in. After stopping briefly to allow you to adjust to this new intrusion, I press further, sliding the finger in to the knuckle. Your face registers pain and I stop once again. I will not hurt you. “Relax, love… trust me,” I whisper into your ear and thrill to the response when I feel your body loosen slightly. It’s now or never, I decide, slowly withdrawing from your clenching body to search frantically through our discarded clothing. Finally, I find what I am looking for, popping the top on the bottle of lube and pouring a generous amount on my fingers, spreading the gel to coat them liberally. Your flagging erection is already starting to recover from our earlier play, so I wrap a hand around it. Distraction is a beautiful thing. I keep you so absorbed by what is happening in front of you that you almost forget what’s going on behind your back. Before you have time to realize it I have already slid the initial invading digit back into you, closely followed by a second finger, slowly stretching the tight muscles in preparation. Now I can finally do this properly. The pain is back on your face, but not for long. Curving my fingers slightly, I brush against that secret spot hidden deep within you, making your eyes go wide as you choke out my name. “Shh, love,” I whisper in your ear, tugging on a crimson eartail with my teeth as your body settles back down against mine. I start moving my fingers then, cautiously sliding in and out, occasionally scissoring them, getting you accustomed to the sensation of being stretched and filled, every once in a while brushing against that special spot and soaking up every response I can wring from your beautiful body. A third finger is added to the mix, until I’m certain you’re ready for me. Of course, it’s at that moment when you decide to once again startle me with something completely unexpected.

Apparently overheating to the point of delirium, you roll onto your back, pulling me across your stomach; your hands gripping me as your hips frantically try to connect with mine. I’m confused for a moment, until your insistent whimpers and grinding pelvis clue me in. “Are you sure?” I ask, concerned. You nod, silently. I’m thankful I remembered to bring the lube with me as I hastily slick myself in breathless anticipation. Covering your body with my own, I position myself at the spot where my tongue and fingers have only recently vacated, tentatively, hoping that I have prepared you enough to make this good for you. Pushing past the tight ring of muscle I feel the moment your breath catches and I freeze in place. Furrowed eyebrows and a jerk of your hips urge me on, your hold on my hipbones becoming painful as you try to force me further inside. With a chuckle, I slowly continue moving into you. Once again your breath hitches and once again I stop. You shake your head, pitching your hips toward mine, your grasp definitely leaving bruises though I’m not really caring at this moment. Okay, I get the hint, O Silent One. In one smooth thrust I sink the rest of the way in, burying myself completely in your tight channel. I thought I was ready for anything when I first came through your bedroom door, but nothing could have prepared me for what I’m feeling at this very second. The sensation of your body hotly clasping around me is absolutely mind-bending. Pausing a moment to allow you to catch your breath and adjust to being filled so completely, and for my head to stop spinning, I feel you start to move beneath me, hips once more arching up to meet mine. Well, aren’t WE the impatient one, love? How amusing. I pick up your rhythm… shouldn’t you be following MY lead here... and we rock together, meeting stroke for stroke, until you moan, “I need more, Yohji.” Always willing to comply, I hitch one of your legs over my shoulder as you wrap the other tightly around my waist, forcing me deeper into your body, if that’s even possible; the sensations threatening to be too intense as our new positions maximize them. My hips are tender and throbbing where your fingers have dug into them. I move within you, the clenching heat surrounding me making it nearly impossible for me to even link two sentient thoughts together. But this morning is not only for my pleasure. It is for yours as well. So, I move… slowly, deeply, angling myself to repeatedly bump up against the spot inside you that makes you cry out my name, your head tossing wildly from side to side in abandon, all of that glorious red hair whipping back and forth, then spilling around your face like a pool of blood. I wrap a hand around your weeping erection, thumb sliding over the glistening tip, making you jerk upright with a howl.

**Come stand a little bit closer
**Breathe in and get a bit higher
**You’ll never know what hit you
**When I get to you

Adjusting our positions once again, I sit you in my lap, your body hunched into mine, arms clasped around my neck and lips pressed against my throat, your long white legs curved around my back, tightening painfully around my ribcage as we begin to move. I jump and let out a yelp as your teeth sink into the soft skin of my shoulder. You have just reminded me that there is no pleasure without pain. And it is worth every ounce of pain I have ever endured to have you here; gifting me with the sweetest pleasure I have ever known. You don’t realize that, do you Aya, love? I would endure anything to have you here like this, pliant and willing, wanton and sensuous, wrapped around me as though you would never to let me go. You arch back, trusting my hands around your waist to keep you seated upon me. Reaching toward me from your reclined position, your elegant fingers wrap around my forearms, completing our circuit. For my part, I am starting to feel the onslaught, aching and ready for release, and realize that I am incapable of keeping it at bay for much longer.

**Ooh, I want you

What a vision we must make, sprawled among the mess of fabric we have littered your bedroom floor with. You in my lap, legs locked around my back, stretched back as far as you can go, your fingers digging painfully into my forearms, red hair wild and damp from our exertions clinging to your face, your eyes almost indigo with desire, smoldering at me as they remain locked with mine. And me, shuddering from the force of my impending climax, hands trembling at your waist to hold you steady as I drive deeper and harder into you. Then, I feel the waves start to crash against me. It’s time to let ourselves go Aya, love; time to give in. Time for us to put an end to this maddening dance we have been playing at since the day I found you laying unconscious in my bed. “Aya.” I reach between our straining bodies and give your shaft a final squeeze, sending you over the edge with a shout, your nails digging painfully into my arms, drawing blood as pearly strings of white gush out between your chest and mine. “Aya!” Your clenching muscles in turn force me over the same precipice as I experience the most mind-blowing climax I have ever had in my life. “AYA!” My shout of ecstasy echoes through the building as I let loose the torrent that has been fighting to free itself from the second my lips first touched yours. It seems to go on forever as I clench you to me almost brutally, filling you to overflowing, fluids pooling under us like milk beneath a bridge. Blood runs down my arms and my ribs ache where your legs are clamped in a vise-like grip. There will be bruises, cuts and bruises actually… I know that… on both of us, but right this instant it doesn’t look like either of us really gives a damn. I fall against you and together we collapse onto our sides, still wrapped around each other, both of our bodies sweat-soaked and shaking uncontrollably. After we have settled a bit, I gingerly pull out of you, earning myself a disappointed little whine, though you curl up against me like a small child, lost in this perfect moment, uncharacteristically ignoring the grand mess we’ve made. I wrap my arms around you, wincing a little at the pain, but crushing you tighter to my chest as I lavish kisses upon your damp hair, listening to your frantic heartbeat and labored breathing slow to a more normal pace, much like my own. It’s then that the craving hits me like a ton of bricks and I remember that I left my cigarettes in my room. Damn, gotta remember to bring them with me next time. Actually we’ll have to move this to my room, next time. Next time… I wonder. Languorously, I roll onto my back, feeling your body move with mine. The waking sounds of the outside world begin to drift in on the morning air, but I am too euphoric to move. Somehow, I wish we could just stay like this forever. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Just you and me making love for all eternity. The thought makes me chuckle as I imagine what your response to that would be. Nothing positive, I’m pretty sure. Guess I’ll just have to be a good boy and wait for next time. With the smile still on my face, I open my eyes and look down at you, only to find you already studying me. How ‘bout it, Aya, love? Will there be a next time?

**I don’t know if I need you

The furrow in your brow deepens as your eyes scan my face. Sensing your apprehension, I cradle you to me and whisper, “Gods, Aya… that was… amazing. YOU are amazing.” You look a little flustered by the compliment. “I was? I mean, it WAS!” you softly stammer back as I indulge you with the patented Kudoh charm, laying your head back against my chest, luxuriating in the silky feel of your hair as it spreads out across my skin. One of your hands is pressed to my side, but I distinctly feel the other slowly extend itself across my chest until it reaches the other side. Then, your hold on me tightens, almost imperceptibly at first, until the fog clouding my brain lifts and I realize that I am being hugged. My smile widens as I hug you back, earning a contented sigh and… my gods… was that a SMILE?! Impossible! Not from you! I rub my cheek against the damp softness of your hair, breathing in your faint rose scent. I’m starting to wish we could just go back to sleep as my eyelids start drooping and I hear your drowsy voice murmur, “Mmm… feels nice,” as you nestle back into the crook of my arm, your head tucked against my neck. Oh yeah… I REALLY don’t want this to end. But I can hear our friends moving around downstairs and I know that if we don’t get moving soon this idyllic little world we’ve got going here will be more rudely interrupted shortly.

Laying a kiss in your hair, I whisper, “We should get out of here pretty soon. I think we’ve given Ken and Omi as much entertainment as they could possibly handle for one day.”

Your head tilts back to look at me and the hurt is back in your eyes a split-second after the words leave my lips. You push off from my chest and sit up, shrugging off my hands as I try to draw you back to me. Ah shit, NOW what did I say wrong? I know we’ve hardly said a dozen social words to each other in all the time we’ve lived and worked together, but it shouldn’t be THIS hard. I’m beginning to think I need a damn script just to talk to you. I can see your lips moving but I can’t hear a damn thing you’re saying. Finally, straining my hearing to the point of sheer lunacy, I catch some of your mumbled ramblings, “… suppose this had to end sometime, right… return to reality… forget about it… act like nothing happened… if that’s what you want?” You’re trembling again and I’m using every ounce of strength I have left to resist the urge to smack you upside the head and shake you until you shatter.

“Are you nuts?” I growl, jerking upright from the floor, furious that you could even be thinking such a thing, particularly when I’M still basking in the afterglow. “After THAT? There’s no way I’m gonna be able to go back to the way things were and, somehow, I don’t think you’re gonna be able to either. Hell, Aya… I don’t even WANT to. What I WANT is for this morning to never end. What I WANT is for things to stay this way forever.” I consider the next part of my tirade very carefully instead of just blurting it out. I’m getting damn tired of having to pull my foot out of my mouth every time I say more than four words to you. “Why, Aya? What do YOU want?”

Covering your face with your hands, you shake your head.

I grab your hands and yank them away, sharply. “I’m not psychic, Aya. Talk to me. What are you thinking? What’s going on in that psycho brain of yours?” Geez, I may only be a year older than you, but we’re worlds apart in so many respects.

“I don’t know.”

I’ve gotta tell you, it’s getting a hell of a lot harder to keep from shaking some sense into you. “You don’t know. After everything we’ve just done? You don’t know?! You WERE here, weren’t you? That WAS you I was with, right?” Damn, I really need to calm down because I’m getting angrier with you than I really need to be. You know it’s really bad when I have to keep reminding myself not to do anything stupid. You’re leaving me no choice here, Aya. I’m out of options. I don’t know what to say to you… I have no idea what to do. I have NEVER been in this situation before and it’s pissing me off. “Gods, Aya, you are so damn frustrating,” I grumble, as I finally manage to snag your arm and haul you back toward me, tightening my grip to quash your struggles. “Enough!” I hiss, grabbing you by the shoulders and giving you a good shake. Only your breath on my chest assures me that you’re still with me as your head sinks down to rest there.

You stay that way for a while, leaning heavily against my chest, as limp as a rag doll. When you don’t stir, I start to get worried. I only wanted to make you see reason, I didn’t mean break you. I’m just about to express my concern, when you finally sigh, “When you said we should get out of here I don’t know what I was thinking, Yohji. I mean, this is all so confusing. The way you said it, it just made me feel like all this was to you was another one of your conquests. You got what you wanted so I just thought you couldn’t wait to get out of here. Not that I could blame you or anything.”

Self-preservation be damned, this time I DO smack you in the head, “Idiot! I’m not in any rush to go anywhere. I was just stating the obvious, that eventually we’re going to have to get moving since they’re expecting us to work downstairs at some point today. Personally, I happen to be enjoying lounging around on your floor without a damn thing on, in dire need of a shower, with you sprawled across me like this, equally naked and, I might add, Aya, love, in pretty desperate need of a shower yourself. As much as I would love to, if we stay here too much longer, we’re going to be crusted together permanently. But, as far as getting what I want, let me break this down for you again since you didn’t seem to get it the last time. It’s you, Aya. YOU’RE what I want. I want you hot and naked and panting against me. I want you needing me so badly you can taste it. I want you morning, noon and night. I want you on the floor, in my bed, on the kitchen counter, in the greenhouse. And those are just the places INSIDE the Koneko! I want you in every position of the Kama Sutra and when we’re done with that we’ll make up a few of our own! I want to do things with you that haven’t even been thought of yet. And when we’ve done everything we could conceivably do, I want us to go back and do it all over again… and again… and AGAIN! Does THAT answer your question or should I go on?”

**But, ooh, I’m dying to find out

Intense violet eyes slowly rise to meet mine, softening as the anxiety lifts from your face like a veil. You are so damn high maintenance. What hell was I thinking? Then your cool lips press into my palm and the events of this morning replay in my mind. Oh yeah, now I remember. One hand raises from my chest to play with the strands of hair that are falling into my eyes as the look on your face goes from pensive to determined. My breath catches and I wait for your response in thinly disguised anticipation.

Finally, you lightly touch your lips to mine and murmur, “Then, I think we’re going to have to do this again…” our lips meld together in another mind-warping kiss, only to have you draw back and hoarsely whisper, “…soon.”

Oh yeah, it’s good to be me!

**Ooh, I want you
**I don’t know if I need you
**But, ooh, I’m dying to find out