Make me feel

Make me feel
by Foxfeather

Yami no Matsuei isn’t mine, but Yoko Matsushita\'s. If it was, Watari’d be the main character, but he isn’t so duh.

This is Hisoka/Watari (I mean that as I wrote it). And Tatsumi/Watari. And implied Tsuzuki/Hisoka. Lots of pairings? You bet. *g*
Read and be romanced.

„NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!“
Hisoka abruptly sat up in his bed, drenched with sweat from his dream, shaking like a leaf from the memories of _that_ night. Again.
At first he had hoped, after Kyoto, after Muraki’s death, that everything would be over now, but the curse was still there, visible on his skin, so Muraki had to be alive, too, and nothing was alright. Night after night he woke up screaming his lungs out, dreaming again and again what Muraki had done to him that fateful night three years before his (official) death.
Hisoka curled himself back under his covers, still shaking, and tried to find anything that would banish the memories of his rape and curse.
Tsuzuki was his first thought. He could go over to Tsuzuki and ask him if he could sleep over at his place. But Tsuzuki still had his own demons to fight with, his own memories, his own curse and,, knowing Tsuzuki, he would do everything in his powers to make Hisoka feel better. And would make himself feel worse because he would not be able to banish the memories, to make the cursed signs on his skin vanish. As much as he needed Tsuzuki, burdening him with his problems would simply not do.
Hisoka turned to his other side. Tatsumi was the next that came to his mind. Tatsumi was strong, controlled and nice. But Hisoka couldn’t imagine the stern secretary watch over his sleep and comfort him when his nightmares made him cry. Tatsumi just wasn’t that kind of person. He was uncomfortable around emotional people. Not that Hisoka was emotional, anything but, but these last nights…
Hisoka sighed deeply and turned to lay on his back. He tried to think of other things to make the last traces of memory that haunted him, even now when he was wide awake, go away. Things like… paperwork. Yes. Maybe if he started to work now, even if it was only two in the morning, and worked the whole day through, he’d be tired enough to make it one night without those damned dreams. He got up, slipped into his clothes, grabbed two slices of bread without bothering to put anything on them as a snack and walked over to the Enma-Cho.
The smell of the ever-blooming cherry blossoms seemed to be even more prominent at night than it usually was. The large building of the Juo-Cho was dark, except for one window at the end of one block. Hisoka stopped and looked at the light. Watari’s laboratory. What was the scientist still doing here? Hisoka shrugged and entered the building. He sat down at his desk and grabbed the pile of papers lying there, opening the first file. It was eerie, sitting in the office alone. No Tsuzuki arguing with Tatsumi, no sounds of Tsuzuki munching whatever he had found now behind a file, no excited blabbering from Watari and no subdued curses and arguments from Terazuma and Kannuki. Hisoka caught his thoughts drifting away from the papers he was reading and back to Muraki’s face, the mad light glinting in his right eye…
He closed the file with a bang, grabbed the pile of papers and marched over to Watari’s lab. Maybe the scientist would tolerate him sitting in a corner and reading while he was working on whatever he was working on.
Watari’s lab was strangely quiet. Hisoka knocked and waited. Nothing. Maybe Watari just had forgotten to turn the lights off. Tatsumi would have his head for that, penny pincher that he was. After another unanswered knock, Hisoka opened the door to turn off the light.
But Watari was there, sound asleep with his head on his desk, surrounded by heaps of paper, beakers, test-tubes and bottles and Erlenmeyer-flasks with strangely-colored substances in them.
Carefully, Hisoka put down his papers on the floor underneath a chair, the only free space he could find and walked over to Watari to wake him up. The way he was slumped down over chair and desk would give him a hell of a migraine the next morning.
“Watari?”
No reaction. Hisoka slowly reached out an touched the scientist’s shoulder, careful not to touch bare skin so his empathy wouldn’t kick in. This time it worked.
Watari shot up in his chair; the chair, a swivel chair with wheels, rolled back and dumped it’s inhabitant unceremoniously onto the floor.
“Watari!”
“Hoot?” 003, Watari’s pet owl, had woken up, too and glanced with one eye down to her human.
“I’m fine, I’m fine! Ouch, my back! What happened?”, Watari babbled, trying to use the swivel chair to push himself up from the floor, but the chair didn’t comply.
“I thought you had forgotten to turn out the light, and when I found you asleep like this, I woke you up”, Hisoka explained, dazed at the flurry of movement and chaos his touch had caused. Without thinking he reached out and grabbed Watari’s hand to help him up.
A flash of emotions hit him, sleepiness, spiced with embarrassment that turned quickly into curiosity as Watari noticed the time. But the basic flavor of Watari was a bubbling cheerfulness and energy, that made Hisoka eager to do _something_, whatever it was.
Watari let go of the boy when he was standing securely on his feet and brushed the crinkles out of his lab coat.
“So, I was sleeping here, huh? And what are you doing here in the middle of the night, Bon?”, he asked and raised one eyebrow questioningly.
“I couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d do some paperwork.”
“Ah. So ka. Here?“
„The office was... creepy. If you don’t mind me reading here while you work…”
“No, I don’t mind. But I don’t think I’ll work anymore tonight.”
“Oh.” Disappointment crept into Hisoka’s voice. “You’re going home, then?”
“Er, no. I have a futon in the chemical storage room. Sometimes I have to watch an experiment the whole night through, and so… I’ll be there and get some shut-eye. You can read here, if you want to. I don’t mind. Just don’t mix anything, neh?”
Hisoka shuddered. “Never! I’m not Tsuzuki!”
Watari just grinned and vanished into the adjacent room. Hisoka heard him rummage around there. He sat down at the desk Watari had slept at earlier and carefully pushed the flasks and beakers out of the way to make some safe space for his files. He started to read. After some minutes the sounds in the storage room decreased. Some time later Hisoka noticed that the writing on the piece of paper he was trying to read became blurry. And that he was feeling sleepy. And better, actually. Calmer. And content. He thought about that. After a while he found out that Watari was projecting the feelings he was sensing. It seemed strange that a man so bouncy and chaotic as the blond scientist would emit calmness, but he did.
Slowly, Hisoka stood up and walked over to the partly open door of the storage room. Watari was lying curled together on a rather large futon, apparently sleeping. Hisoka stood in the door and watched him for a time, then sighed and turned to leave.
“Bon?”
“Huh? Did I wake you?”
“Nah. Was still awake.”
Hisoka tried to suppress a huge yawn and failed. Watari chuckled. “If you’re tired you can crash here. ‘Nough space for two.”
“But…”
“No buts. I don’t bite. Only if you sleep on my hair.”
Hisoka eyed the futon critically. It was really big enough for two people. Without the danger to touch each other.
“Uhm…”
“Then, come on.” Watari slid over to the side and patted the warm spot in the middle of the bed he had vacated. “Pre-heated.”
Hisoka slipped out of his shoes and shirt and crawled under the covers Watari had lifted for him, clad in his jeans and t-shirt. Watari tamed his long hair by braiding it loosely so that the boy wouldn’t get tangled in it, then curled up again, his back to Hisoka.
“Night.”
“Night, Watari.”
Hisoka settled himself and felt Watari’s presence seep through his shields again. Calm, content, happy. He didn’t remember when he felt like that for himself before. It took only minutes until the boy fell asleep.

A red moon, a man, bathed in the red light, something glinting, the man turned and one of his eyes gleamed strangely. ‘He has murdered her! He stabbed her!’ 13-year old Hisoka stood frozen for a minute, then turned and ran. But he wasn’t fast enough. The man caught him by his robes, making him trip and undressing him in the process. Then he felt those hands wander over his body, caressing him, touching him in places he had never been touched before. And his thoughts… he wasn’t able to block out those thoughts and emotions, cold, cruel, lusting, hating and loving at the same time, and so cold, so terribly cold… and then the pain of the curse filling his body, burning on his skin, into his skin, eating him alive, burning and freezing him…

“No, please… no…”
“Bon?”
“Don’t… please…”
“Shhhh, Hisoka. It’s over. You’re not alone.”
Watari watched the small and fragile body next to him thrash around under the claws of his nightmare. Tentatively, he reached out to touch the boy, sending out calming emotions, comforting, caring.

A star started to gleam in the sky above him, changing his surroundings, turning the red light into warm greenish-yellow hues, turning night to day, turning the cold to warmth. The hands were gone. Only a ghost of pain danced over his bruised skin, and he could feel the bruises healing. The small boy sat up and looked around. He was in a beautiful park, butterflies danced in the sky and birds sang. The nightmare was gone.

Hisoka calmed down, slowly, still shaking, still making small noises like a frightened animal, then relaxed more and more under Watari’s touch, finally falling back into a deep, and for the rest of the night, dreamless, slumber.

The next morning Hisoka woke up by the smell of fresh coffee.
“Hi! It’s morning!”
Watari bounced in, managing not to spill a single drop of the two rim-filled cups with steaming coffee. He handed one to the still sleepy Hisoka.
“Wakey wakey?”
“Hmmm.”
“Somebody in there?” Watari made a knocking movement in front of Hisoka’s face, careful not to touch the boy.
“I’m awake.”
“Slept well?”
Hisoka looked up. “I had a nightmare… but then…”
Watari sat on his heels on his side of the futon and grinned widely.
“You… It was you. The star…”
“Huh? Star?”
“What did you do?”
Watari sobered. “You were thrashing around, moaning and crying in your sleep. I… tried to comfort you. I touched your hand. Then you calmed down and slept on.”
“There was a star, and it’s light changed… everything.” Hisoka looked up and smiled shyly. “Thank you.”
“Waaaah!”
“What? What happened?” Startled, Hisoka sat up straight and hissed as the hot coffee spilled over the blanket on his lap.
“He can smile! That’s a day to remember! Hisoka has learned to smile!” Watari’s eyes were glowing in amusement.
“Phhhh. You… baka!”
“He, he.”

The day passed as any other day at the Enma-Cho did. Chief Konoe shouting around, Tatsumi scaring the living daylights out of Hisoka because his shields were to strong for him to sense the secretary’s presence behind him, Tatsumi reprimanding Watari about the costs of his lab, Watari begging Tatsumi for more funds, Tsuzuki trying to sneak around his work and piling the folders under the stack already lying in Hisoka’s inbox, thinking he wouldn’t notice, Tatsumi grumbling at Tsuzuki because of his high food (mostly sweets) bills, Konoe bagging Tsuzuki’s stack of sweets, Tatsumi looking at the chief until he divided Tsuzuki’s sweets equally among the whole staff, Terazuma brushing against Hisoka and tuning into Kagankokushungei, wrecking his office and being led out to cool off after being turned back into human form by Kannuki, Tatsumi hitting the roof because of the costs (which would be paid off of Terazuma’s paycheck, of course). And of course, Watari blowing up his lab. Again.
Finishing his paperwork, Hisoka got up and walked out of the office.
“’Soka! Where are you going?”
“Helping Watari clean up his mess. I’m done here.”
Tsuzuki jumped up and stared at Hisoka as if he had grown a second head.
“You really dare to enter that lab? It’s a very dangerous place, Hisoka! Last time I was there, it exploded! Boom, just like that!”
“Because you mixed two chemicals together that didn’t like to be mixed.”
“Didn’t.”
“Did!”
“That was you, Tsuzuki?”
“Er, hi Tatsumi…”
Hisoka took his chance and slipped out of the room, wandering to Watari’s lab. He had seen the blond last time in the morning, or better, heard him arguing with Tatsumi. He made a little detour to the cafeteria, opened the safe that held the rest of the cake (Would you let it stand around with Tsuzuki around? See!) and prepared a plate with apple pie and chocolate cake. He assumed that Watari would be quite hungry by now, for he had not left his lab the whole day long. When he reached the lab, Watari opened the door before he could knock, startling the hell out of him.
“Oy, Bon! What are you doing here? Is that cake?”
“No, it’s owl-food. Of course it’s cake. I thought you might be hungry by now.”
“Oh, I am, I am! I was just on my way to find something to bite. Come in!” Watari opened the door wider to let Hisoka enter, then hesitated. “If you want to eat in the midst of chemicals and stuff, that is.”
Hisoka shrugged and stepped into the room, scanning for an empty surface to set his plate down.
“Wow! You cleaned up.”
“He, after that explosion, I had to”, Watari laughed and tried to find two empty chairs.
“There we go, not too stained, burned or whatnot.”
He walked over to a Bunsen burner sitting on a small table in a corner. “Tea?”
Hisoka stared at the burner, one eyebrow raised critically, then slowly nodded. “But you drink it first. For all I know, this could be you infamous gender changing potion.”
“Nah, Bon, I’d never try it out on you. You’re pretty enough as you are.”
Hisoka tensed, then scanned Watari’s face for any signs of amusement. And found many.
“Pah.”
“You want the apple pie or the chocolate cake, Bon?”
“I already had some, eat.”
Watari dug in, eyeing Hisoka thoughtfully.
“Foh, vhy aah wuh ‘eer?”, he asked, his mouth full.
“Pardon?”
Watari swallowed a few times, then tried again. ”Why are you here?”
“To bring you some cake.”
“Nah. That’s not it. You never brought me cake before.”
Hisoka hid behind his tea-, er, beaker.
“It was just the cake, really.”
Watari set the plate down on his lap and tried to catch Hisoka’s gaze.
“You came because you wanted to ask if you could sleep here again. Because you are afraid of your dreams, right?”
“I… no!”
“Think about it.” He took another bite of the chocolate cake and held a few crumbs out to 003, who came fluttering down form her perch to gently nip them up from his hand.
Hisoka looked down to the floor. “Maybe you’re right. I have avoided to think about home the whole day long…”
“Does Tsuzuki know?”
“That I’m sleeping with you? Er, I mean, here in the lab? No.”
Watari chuckled at Hisoka’s slip. “No. I meant, does he know about your dreams?”
“Yes.”
“’Yes, he knows I have dreams’ or ‘yes, he knows that I’m afraid of going to sleep because of them’?”
Hisoka remained silent.
“Bon, he’s your partner. You should tell him.”
“I can’t, Watari! He’s been through so much already! I don’t want to dump my problems on him! I know that he’ll try to help me, but he won’t let me try to help him, so…” Hisoka raised his hands helplessly. “I don’t know what to do. The only way I can help him is to leave him alone with… this.”
Watari nodded. “I understand. And yes, I’ll stay here tonight and yes, you can crash here again.” And very softly he added,” And yes, I’ll protect you again, too.”
Hisoka didn’t look up and just nodded his thanks to his friend.

They spent the evening cleaning up the rest of Watari’s lab until Hisoka was practically asleep on his feet.
“Bon? Here, they’ll be to big for you, but it’s much better then to sleep in jeans and a tee again.” Watari threw a pair of pajamas at the boy who barely had the reflex to catch them.
“You keep pajamas here?”
“Watari shrugged. “Most of the time I sleep here and not at home. But don’t tell Tatsumi or he’ll cut my money to save the rent and make me live here all the time!”
“Oh, come on. He might be a bit tight on the money, but he’s not that bad.”
“No, he isn’t.” Watari stared at Hisoka, lost in thought for a moment. The he grinned. “But he’d threaten me with that nonetheless. You can change in the washroom.”

“Watari?” , came Hisoka’s voice from under the blanket as Watari emerged out of the washroom and crawled to his side of the futon.
“Yes, Hisoka?”
“Uhm, would you mind if I…”
“If you what?”
“fhjsk?”
“Huh? Speak louder, I can’t understand you.”
“Uhm… cuddle?”
Watari froze, remembering Hisoka’s empathy. “Are you sure? You would touch me.”
“That’s the point.”
“Uhm. Okay. But don’t hold me responsible if you dream about potions and chemicals!”
“I won’t. Just… be my star if…”
“Sleep, Bon.”
Hisoka rolled over on his side and tucked his head under Watari’s arm, slinging his arm over the scientist’s stomach.
“Is this okay, Watari?”
“Sleep.”

A few days later, Hisoka burst into Watari’s lab. Everything was dark.
“Damn. He’s not here! Why is he not here?”
Hanging his head, Hisoka turned on the lights and looked around. No bubbling experiments, the tea Bunsen burner was not lit, the rest of tea in the beaker long cold.
Then Hisoka remembered that Tatsumi had sent Watari on an appointment that morning. After a car crush, the soul of the killed driver hadn’t found it’s way to the world of the dead and Watari had to find her and bring her on her way. Or, in more simple words, kill her.
“Damn, now that I really need him, he’s not there.”
Hisoka kicked a pencil that was lying on the floor against a wall.
“But I don’t want to remember! I don’t want to!”, he screamed to the empty room, then sunk down along the wall and started to sob.
Finally he stood up again and changed into ‘his’ pajamas, the ones Watari had given him that second night and the one he had used whenever he came back into the lab, late at night, running away from his dreams. He set up the futon and crawled over to his side, then thought again and slung his arms around Watari’s pillow, hoping that the faint scent of his hair would help him keep the memories at bay.
It was almost midnight when Watari finally came back.
“Bon? What are you doing here?”
“Watari!” Hisoka, who had turned from one side to the other, not daring to fall asleep, jumped up, hugged the scientist to him and started to cry into his shoulder.
“Hey, hey, hey! Bon, calm down! Did you have another dream?”
“No. It… something worse happened.”
“Huh? Muraki returned?”
“No. Tsuzuki…”
“Tsuzuki returned?”
“Stop interrupting me!” Hisoka pushed himself away from Watari and glared at him.
“That’s my Bon.” Watari grinned and patted Hisoka’s hair. “So, why don’t you make us some tea while I shower and change and then you tell me, calmly, what has happened.”
With that, Watari vanished into the washroom. After staying here so many nights, Hisoka had found out that one of the closets in the washroom hid a shower. Probably from Tatsumi. He sighed, slipped into some slippers and shuffled into the lab, lighting the Bunsen burner and preparing an Erlenmeyer flask of tea. When he came back into the storage room, carrying the flask and two smaller beakers, he found Watari fighting with his long hair. It was completely dry, but standing on end as if it’s owner had stuck his hand into a socket.
“He, I tried to invent an instant hair dryer, once. It dries, but I don’t know how to get out that… that silly side effect.”
Hisoka couldn’t help but smile at the sight.
“So, come here, sit down. And now, from the beginning to the end, tell me what happened.”
“Tsuzuki tried to kiss me.”
“Oh.” Watari was stunned. “Go on.”
“That’s all.”
“And that’s why you’re crying? I know how much you like him. So, what’s the problem?”
“The problem is Muraki.”
“Huh? Now you’ve lost me.”
Hisoka started to cry again.
“I… I don’t know what to do! I can’t handle this!” He buried his head in his hands.
“Now, now. What did you do when he tried to kiss you?”
“I ran away,” came the muffled answer.
“Because you didn’t know how to react.”
Hisoka nodded miserably.
“And what has Muraki to do with this, Bon?”
“He was the first one who kissed me. And I hated it! I hate him! I’m afraid that, when somebody, when Tsuzuki kisses me, that I will feel what I felt then… and that I feel what Muraki felt when he kissed me, or just what Tsuzuki feels and I don’t know what _I_ am supposed to feel and I don’t make any sense, don’t I?”
“You make very much of a sense, Bon.” Watari took the beaker out of Hisoka’s hands and hugged the boy to him. “You are afraid that you can’t tell apart if the emotion you’re feeling is yours or the others. Right?”
“Hm-hm.” Watari could feel Hisoka nod against his chest.
“And since you love Tsuzuki, don’t be so shocked, everybody knows you do, you want to be sure that what you feel are _your_ emotions, not Tsuzuki’s. And you are afraid that your memories of Muraki will turn everything into a perverted parody.”
“H… hai.”
“You’re right. That definitely _is_ a problem.”
Watari slumped down a bit and started to rock Hisoka slightly.
“But, Bon, you know Tsuzuki, right?”
“Hm-hm.”
“And you know how he, er, _feels_ like, empathically, I mean.”
“Yes.”
“Don’t you think you could tell his and your emotions apart?”
“Maybe. Yes… yes, I think I can.”
Hisoka’s eyes filled briefly with hope, then clouded again.
“But…”
“.. there’s still Muraki,” Watari concluded his sentence.
“Maybe…”
“Do you have an idea, Bon?”
“Yes! Maybe, if I learned how it is to just _feel_, just the sensations, without any emotions, maybe that could somehow erase Muraki. Then I’d know how it’s supposed to be, fill it up with Tsuzuki’s and my own emotions…”
“But how do you want to accomplish that?”
“Can’t you teach me?”
“Huh?”
“Can’t I just make you _feel_ and you project it back to me? I know that you are stronger than Muraki!”
“Make… me… _feel_?”
And with a wild look of fierce determination in his eyes, Hisoka leaned forward and kissed Watari full on the lips.
The scientist sat there, too shocked to react. Hisoka sat back and looked pleadingly at his fellow shinigami.
“Watari, please! If it’s you who feels, Muraki can’t taint it. I’d know how it’s supposed to be.”
“But… but Bon, why me? Why not Tsuzuki?”
“With Tsuzuki… it’s too much. And he’s tainted by Muraki, too.”
Watari hesitated.
“I… I’m sorry, Watari. It was wrong of me to ask that of you.” Hisoka looked down and slowly crawled off of the bed.
“No. Wait. It’s just… you’re so young… are you sure?”
“I’ll be this young when I’m a hundred years old, Watari. And… this is the only way I can escape Muraki.”
“And if it won’t work?”
“It’s the only chance I see right now. And… and I can’t ask anybody else…”
“Hmm. I… okay. But you promise me to stop whenever you want. No matter what I… want. This is about you. Promise me!”
“I promise.” Hisoka stared at the hand Watari held out to him, then carefully took it.
Watari’s emotions washed over him again: a bit of fear, determination, hope to help him, and anticipation.
“I’ll try to just… feel. No emotions, just sensations, okay?”
Hisoka stared at their clasped hands, then moved forward to kiss Watari again before he’d chicken out. Watari sank back against the pillow and pulled Hisoka down with him until the boy was lying partly on top of him. And he projected: the comforting weight of Hisoka’s body against his, the sensation of the kiss and the invitation to deepen it. Hisoka felt the anticipation to taste his own taste in Watari’s mouth seep into his thoughts and, still a bit unsure of what was going to happen, opened his mouth. Watari mimicked his movement and nudged the boy on by letting his tongue flicker over his lips. Hisoka reacted and deepened the kiss, explored Watari’s mouth, experiencing the invasion of his tongue to that mouth through Watari’s feelings as well as through his own. He felt their pulse quicken and moved his kisses away from Watari’s mouth and down to his neck, to search for his heartbeat there. When he reached a spot under he scientist’s ear, he felt a flash of arousal shoot through their bodies. Obviously he had found one of Watari’s sensitive spots. Wanting to experience that sensation again, he started to nibble there. Watari turned his head to grant him better access and buried his hand in Hisoka’s hair to keep him in place. Hisoka could feel Watari’s member wake up against his body, at the same time he sensed he scientist’s body getting more and more sensitive to touches not only there, but everywhere. The friction of their pajamas against the blond’s skin, the tickling of Hisoka’s hair against his face and neck… Hisoka felt other sensations creeping in on him: his own reactions, his own arousal. Briefly, Muraki’s mad eyes flashed up before his inner eye and he concentrated back on Watari’s feelings. To make Watari feel good was all that mattered now. His own emotions where unimportant. He moved his kisses away from Watari’s neck, evoking a disappointed whimper from the blond. Without leaving his trail around Watari’s neck to his collarbone, Hisoka straddled his legs, brushing their members together in the process, which made Watari buck up against him in shock. With shaking fingers, Hisoka unbuttoned Watari’s shirt and let his fingers and mouth explore the smooth white skin he encountered. Watari reached up to get rid of Hisoka’s pajama top but the boy slapped his hands away. “Don’t. Just feel.” Watari moaned loudly as Hisoka found his nipple and started to lick it. Sensing what felt best, the boy’s mouth and fingers worked magic on Watari, made him gasp and writhe under him, his moans and small cries urging the boy on even more than the feelings that washed over him. The further down Hisoka moved, the more vocal Watari became. Hisoka found it an impossible task to keep him from moving around, bucking and rubbing against him, trying to undress him. Something behind them caught his attention shortly, but when Watari pulled him up for another kiss and wrapped his long legs around Hisoka’s body to press their groins together even more intimately, the movement was forgotten. “Want to feel… you, ‘Soka…,” Watari panted, then, before Hisoka could protest, pulled the pajama top over his head. Hisoka cried out in shock as the sensation of Watari’s feelings magnified when their skin touched, then frantically tried to remove both their pajama bottoms at once to get even more of that overwhelming mixture of sensations. When their bodies met this time, Hisoka froze, then exploded in what was the first voluntary orgasm of his life. Watari held him close as he shuddered and cried, stroking his sweat-drenched hair as he bucked against him in the last tides of his climax. When Hisoka came back to his senses, he could feel Watari’s arousal pulse through his body. Nothing was solved, the tension was still there. Groaning in anticipation of another wave of wonderful feelings, Hisoka slid down Watari’s body to examine what was causing the tension. Without warning he grabbed Watari’s erection and took the tip in his mouth. His body seemed to explode again from the sheer sensation of it from Watari’s side, but he himself had to try not to gag. This was much more difficult that it seemed to be. It had looked so easy when Muraki had done it… No. This was not about him. Never about him. Hisoka sobered quickly and sat up abruptly. Watari whimpered in frustration and looked down to him pleadingly, but his eyes softened when he noticed the look of panic in Hisoka’s eyes. “It’s okay. You don’t have to do that. Just… please?” Watari’s voice was husky, deeper than usual and Hisoka sensed his need for release wash over him. He bend down over Watari’s erection again, this time only massaging it with his hands and licking the tip instead of trying to swallow him. It felt good, Watari’s reactions told him exactly how good it felt, especially… there… He could feel Watari’s climax building, he considered leaving him at the edge, teasing him even more, but in the end it was him that couldn’t stand it any longer. With a flick of his tongue at the exactly right place at the exactly right time, he pushed Watari over the edge. The intensity of it, combined with his own second climax that night, made him loose his consciousness.

When he woke up again, he was nestled into Watari’s arms.
“You alright, Bon?”
“Hm-hm.”
“So… did it work?”
“Hm-hm. I think I can do that without thinking of _him_ now.”
“Good.”
“Watari?”
“Yes, Bon?”
“There’s one more thing, though.”
“Oh?”
“Back then, he… did… what if… it hurt so much, Watari! Is it supposed to hurt that much?”
“If I ever get my hands on him, I’ll kill him!”, Watari grumbled. Then added softly: “No, Bon. It’s not supposed to hurt. You were what, thirteen, back then? You were too small… Gods, I hate that man!”
“Don’t, Watari… your emotions…” Hisoka curled up in Watari’s arms.
“Sorry, Bon, sorry. There, I’m calming down. Feeling better?”
Hisoka felt a wave of warm affection run over him and felt himself relax under it.
He turned back to Watari and snuggled closer.
“I take that as a ‘yes’, then. About… that… you have to be prepared, use… stuff… lotion or lube. Then it’s… good.”
“You did it before?”
Watari blushed. “Yes. Ages ago. When I was still alive. The guy dumped me a week later. But that’s another story.”
“Watari… can you… teach me?”
“What? No. Bon, I could never do that to you. Not with what happened to you.” Watari shook his head energetically.
“I know. That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh? Oh! Uhm…”
Hisoka leaned forward and nibbled gently at Watari’s ear. “I don’t know if I have find the courage to ask you that again…”
Watari groaned low in his throat. “That should teach me not to do stuff again with an empath! You surely know how to persuade someone…”
“Does that mean ‘yes’?”
“Ooooh, yesss!” Watari hissed as Hisoka’s fingers found his reawakening erection.
Hisoka sucked in his breath as Watari’s feelings sucked him down.
“Bon… vaseline, shelf to the right…”
Hisoka stretched up to get the small glass of Vaseline Watari pointed at. The blond used the distraction to maneuver him between his opened legs.
“What do I do?”
“Coat your finger. You’ll know when you’re doing it right.”
Hisoka stared first down at his salve-coated fingers, then, shyly at Watari’s invitingly opened legs.
“You won’t hurt me, Bon. Promise.”
Still not very sure about this, Hisoka slid his finger down between Watari’s cheeks. He sensed that Watari was anticipating something. Slowly, he slid his finger into his body, still not knowing what to expect. He felt the sensation of his intruding finger tingling in his own body. Then Watari moved slightly and a flash of hot white sensation shot through him.
“Yessss! Bon, that’s it. Again! Please!”
Hisoka was shaking under the assault to his senses. He remembered that his powers magnified when he touched more of Watari’s skin and so he started to slide his fingers in and out of his friend to make him ready for what he now couldn’t wait to feel.
“’Soka! Now! Please!” Watari’s voice was shaking almost as hard as Hisoka’s body was.
Hadn’t Watari held out the Vaseline to him again, he would’ve forgotten to prepare himself. Hastily he coated his erection with the salve, then moved to enter the body beneath him.
He felt Watari/himself stretch under the intrusion, but, as Watari had promised, it didn’t hurt. It burned, yes, but not nearly as much as it had back then. When he brushed _that_ spot in Watari’s body again, Hisoka lost the rest of his already fragile control. With an almost agonized cry, he thrust deeply into Watari’s body, drowning in the sensation of both being the intruder and the intruded. He wasn’t sure how long it took, but it was much too short a time until he came and took Watari with him.
Somehow he managed to roll off Watari’s chest and curl up in his arms before they both fell asleep.

They nearly overslept the next morning had not 003 woken them. They both showered quickly, Hisoka first, hurrying to his office to be on time. Watari showered after him and cleaned up the room before he went to greet the day. Of course he came too late for the morning meeting, but he just got a glare from Tatsumi. Hisoka was too nervous to pay much attention to the meeting, Tsuzuki was trying not to fall asleep again and Watari finally had an idea what about his instant hair dryer wasn’t working as it should. Tatsumi finally gave up on them and shooed them to their respective desks. The day moved on unusually quiet. It was late in the afternoon when Hisoka came bursting into Watari’s lab again.
“Waaaah! Bon! You startled me!” Watari cried out, desperately trying to catch a (thankfully already closed) bottle with a yellow powder in it.
“I did it! Watari, I really did it!”
With a sigh, Watari finally got hold of the bottle and set it carefully down onto the table behind him.
“What did you do, Bon?”
“I kissed Tsuzuki! I apologized and then I simply did it. And it was good! Not flashbacks! It worked, Watari!”
“Who-hoooo!” Watari jumped up from the chair he just had sat down on, banged at the table, the bottle dancing around on the tabletop, balancing on the edge and crashing to the ground.
“That’s great, Bon! My rats from Congo!”
“Huh?”
“Congrats, Bon!”, Watari explained laughing.
He hugged the youth and crushed him to his chest.
Hisoka sobered suddenly. “I… I wanted to apologize to you.”
“Huh? Why? What for?”
“I used you. What I did was so wrong…”
“Hush. You did no such thing. What we did was about friendship. I wanted to help you. That’s what I did and why I did it. Nothing to apologize for.”
Hisoka looked up into Watari’s caring eyes.
“Go to Tsuzuki. You need one another. Shoo.”
“Watari…”
“Go.”
Hisoka smiled at him. “Thank you.”
Watari made a waving motion with his hands as if he didn’t want to be disturbed. Hisoka all but danced out of the door.
“Care to enlighten me what that was all about?”
“Waaah! If I weren’t already dead you’d surely give me a heart attack, Tatsumi!” Watari panted, his hand on his chest. “I helped Hisoka with a problem, to answer your question.”
“Some kind of problem,” Tatsumi muttered under his breath.
Watari eyed him suspiciously. “Why do you ask if you already know?”
Tatsumi’s head shot up and he stared at Watari incredulously.
“A-ha. So I _was_ you.” Watari snapped his fingers as he saw his suspicions confirmed when Tatsumi turned an interesting shade of red.
“You… know?”
“I noticed that _someone_ was watching us. But I wasn’t sure who.”
Tatsumi flinched.
Watari picked up the miraculously undamaged bottle and leaned back against the table. “So. Why are you here? To kick my butt for seducing a minor? If so, then why didn’t you stop us? Hisoka maybe sixteen, but as he himself said, he’ll be still sixteen when he’s hundred. And just so you know, it was his decision.”
“Watari stop it. That’s not why.”
“Then tell me!” Watari threw the bottle against the wall. It bounced off and rolled back, stopping at his feet.
“Why are you so angry?” Tatsumi stared at a spot about one meter right of Watari’s shoulder.
“Why am I… What do you think? Wouldn’t you be angry, too, if somebody spied on you in one of your most intimate moments? What I did for Bon was special, both for him and for me. I didn’t tell you to show yourself last night because I know how Hisoka would have reacted. He would have died in embarrassment. I had to hide my anger at you from him the whole time and NOW YOU ASK ME WHY I’M MAD AT YOU?” Watari yelled the last part at the top of his lungs, watching in angry amusement how Tatsumi flinched.
“Why did you stay and watched anyway? Why didn’t you just leave us alone?”, Watari asked in his normal tone as if nothing had happened.
Tatsumi hung his head and stared at his shoes.
“I wanted to talk to you when you came back last night. You didn’t stop by the office and so I thought I’d see if you were still in your lab. When I arrived there, everything was dark. But then I heard you cry out and I though that you might be hurt and then I saw… you and Kurosaki-kun… and… and I.. just couldn’t move. I just… couldn’t.”

Tatsumi was standing in the dark doorway, not believing his eyes. Watari, lying on his back, his long hair spread around his head like a halo, his legs wrapped around the slim waist of Kurosaki, kissing him passionately. He watched as Watari pulled Kurosaki’s top over his head and saw with shock how the dark red curse marks stood almost glowingly against his creamy skin. He could only stare as Kurosaki made short work of both their pants and as their aroused bodies met. He felt the blood rush down to his groin when Kurosaki came hard, just by touching Watari’s naked body. Watari gently rolled the boy off of him to let him get some air, touching his flushed skin and pushing his hair out of his face. The action allowed Tatsumi a perfect view of Watari’s body. Slim and muscular, the skin porcelain white in the dim glow of the storage room’s light. Tatsumi’s gaze wandered down from Watari’s flushed face and his swollen lips to his chest, noticing how hard his nipples were, down over the taut stomach to linger on his erect manhood. Watari was aroused, and very much so. Tatsumi struggled to suppress the urge to step forward and take the engorged flesh into his mouth, to suckle on it until Watari exploded. His decision whether to follow that urge or not was taken from him, when Kurosaki moved again. Tatsumi flinched in sympathy as the boy took the flesh he was lusting after into his mouth. And he was struggling not to kick the youth into the next century when he abruptly sat up and left Watari hanging, or rather, standing. He finally started to understand what was going on when he heard Watari’s soft words. This was about healing. He had to struggle to remain silent as he watched Kurosaki push Watari closer and closer to the edge, wanting nothing more than to be in his place, wanting to be the one who made Watari moan, cry, writhe and squirm. His knees buckled under him as he came with Watari, just by watching him fall over the edge.
Trying to stay on his feet, trying to pant without making a noise and blushed to the roots of his hair, Tatsumi sneaked back into the lab to lean against the wall and catch his breath. He was feeling guilty for what he had done, both for watching the two and for his own, unexpected feelings towards Watari. He tried not to listen as he heard them talk and was on his way out of the lab when he heard Watari moan again. Almost involuntarily, Tatsumi walked back to his spot behind the doorframe. No. That could not be. How could he let Kurosaki do _that_ to him? Aching inside, and again aroused to the point of pain he watched as the youth slid his finger in and out of Watari’s body. Tatsumi gritted his teeth as he watched the frantic movements of the boy, as he hastily prepared himself, then slammed home. He bucked his hips, mirroring Kurosaki’s movements, gripping his fingers around the doorframe, his other hand finding his hard member through his dress-pants and squeezing tightly. This was too much. Watari was his! Angrily, Tatsumi pushed that thought away, watching how Watari thrashed around under Kurosaki’s assault, how he froze, his mouth opened to a silent scream and how they both slumped together afterwards, Kurosaki cuddling up to the blond, how they fell asleep within seconds. Tatsumi watched the sleeping angelic face of his friend; then, with a suppressed sob, fled the room. He barely made it to his office before he sank down onto his knees, yanked his member free from it’s constraints and brutally kneaded it until he climaxed. Ashamed and guilty about his loss of control, he cleaned himself up, and walked home, the wet spot from his first orgasm discomfortingly cold against his skin.

“Why? Do you have a thing for the boy, too?”
Watari’s still angry voice brought Tatsumi back to reality.
“What?”
“Did you like to watch him? He’s such a pretty thing.”
“No! This is not about him!”
“Is it?”
Angrily, Tatsumi stepped forward, grabbed Watari’s shoulder and threw him against the wall. Pressing his whole body against Watari’s he kissed him hard, almost brutally opening the scientist’s mouth with his tongue, rubbing his newly awakened arousal against the blond. Watari didn’t react. Shocked about his own behavior, Tatsumi let go of him and stepped back.
“Oh, Gods, I’m sorry! I don’t know what… I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He buried his hands in his face and turned his back to the still stunned scientist.
If he hadn’t had his back turned to Watari, he’d have seen the palette of emotions that wandered over his face: stunned shock, the dawning understanding and finally amused mischief.
“So… you watched _me_?”
Tatsumi nodded miserably.
“Why?”
“What, why?”
“Why did you watch me?”
“Because… I don’t know. Don’t ask me that.”
“But I want to know.”
“I already told you, I don’t know. I’m sorry for what I did. I… will not bother you again.” With that, Tatsumi started to walk to the exit of the lab. Watari ran past him and blocked the door.
“Ah-ah. I want my answer first. Why did you want to watch me?”
Tatsumi evaded his gaze and didn’t answer.
“What did you feel when you watched me?”
“Stop torturing me, Watari, please.”
“Torture? Answer me and I might let you go.”
“I… I wanted you. I wanted to be in Kurosaki’s place. Are you satisfied now?” Tatsumi was embarrassed and angry. “Now let me go.”
“One more question. Do you love me?”
Tatsumi’s head snapped up and he finally met Watari’s amused gaze.
“I…”
“You…?”
“I think… maybe…”
“Maybe you’re in love? I never heard of somebody being maybe in love.”
“Heck, yes! I think I love you. Satisfied now?” Tatsumi snapped at Watari and raised his hand to push the blond out of his way.
“And what are you going to do about it?”
“What?”
“What are you going to do about it. Maybe you could win me over.”
Tatsumi stared at Watari, not quite believing his ears.
“Well, I don’t know you well enough to love you, but I like you. Very much so, that is. So… maybe if I got to know you better…” Watari wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Tatsumi just stared at him.
“Maybe if you invited me to dinner tonight… it would be a nice start, neh?”
“Dinner? You… want me to… court you?”
“Well, I think that’s what you do if you want to win somebody’s heart. Or at least that’s what I heard people did around the time you died.”
“You… like me?”
“Stop parroting me. So, dinner tonight at eight. At your house. And you cook. Pasta? Fine. That’s settled then. I’ll be punctual. And now, to quote my favorite secretary, let’s get back to work.” And with that Watari pushed the stunned secretary out of the lab and closed the door firmly behind him.

Close to eight o’clock, Tatsumi found himself cooking spaghetti bolognese in his small kitchenette. He mentally kicked himself. Watari wouldn’t come. It had all been a joke. He looked down at the table he had set for two and the candle in the middle. Well, then he would made himself a lonely, but stylish evening. Precisely at eight, the bell rang. Tatsumi needed a second to comprehend what had happened, then hurried to the door and opened. Before him stood Watari. For once not clad in his lab coat, but in black pants and a white shirt with a black vest. He grinned as he noticed the stunned look on Tatsumi’s face. “What, didn’t you believe me?” Watari wandered around the apartment, scanning the interior and every room. “Hmm, black silk sheets. Who’d’ve thought!” He chuckled as he saw Tatsumi blush at that. “Cat got your tongue?”
“Dinner’s ready.”
“Ahhh.” Watari sat down at the small table and watched Tatsumi light the candle.
“This is sooo romantic. A candlelight dinner. You’re gaining points, Tatsumi.” Watari grinned, then helped himself to some pasta.
“He, and you even know how to eat spaghetti!”, he quipped when he spotted the fork and spoon next to his plate.
Tatsumi noticed that his nervousness vanished, the longer he talked with Watari. All the awkwardness that had accompanied him the whole day long slowly seeped out of him and he found that he really enjoyed the weird scientist’s company. He relaxed around him, even joked with him and noticed how pleased Watari seemed with the direction the evening was taking.
They both cleaned the dishes in silently enjoying the other’s company, then Watari turned to him and smiled.
“You know something, Tatsumi?”
“What?”
“I lied to you when I said I liked you.”
Tatsumi’s heart cramped together in pain. He knew that Watari was a jester, but this seemed too cruel.
“I love you.”
“Huh?”
“Very eloquent, Tatsumi. I said, and I quote: ‘I love you’, end quote.”
“You… love me?”
“Yes, and now shut up and kiss me.”
Tatsumi snapped his mouth shut, blinked owlishly at Watari, then, a smile creeping over his face, he leaned forward and complied. The kiss was soft, almost careful, then Watari pulled away.
“That’s sweet of you, Tatsumi, but I thought of you watching me the whole afternoon long and now I want to feel you, dammit!” With that Watari pulled Tatsumi’s face down to him and kissed him hungrily. His hands started to roam over the shadow master’s back, tugging the shirt out if his pants. Tatsumi felt his body react almost violently to Watari’s attack, slung his arms around his lithe body and teleported them to his bedroom. Using his powers over the shadows, he had them both stripped down with in seconds and pushed Watari down on the bed.
“Whoa! You sure know what you want, eh?”, Watari panted, excited by the sensation of Tatsumi’s body pressed full length against his.
“Am I too fast for you?”
“No. Please, don’t stop! You have no idea how much I want you right now.”
Tatsumi obeyed by sitting up, moving down to the end of the bed and, with one swift movement, swallowed Watari’s erect member. Watari’s eyes grew wide, then he clawed his hands into Tatsumi’s shoulders and arched off the bed, desperately trying to keep his senses.
He cried out loudly as Tatsumi set up an urgent pace, alternatingly sucking hard and letting his tongue circle softly around the hot flesh. It was a matter of seconds until Watari exploded into Tatsumi’s mouth. Watari slowly felt himself spin back to reality when he felt something cold nudge his opening. He felt Tatsumi’s coated fingers slide into him, quickly, carefully avoiding to touch that hidden spot. Still bonelessly relaxed from his climax, he watched Tatsumi move into place and carefully slide into him. Watari wasn’t sure what was better, the feeling of being filled by the man he loved, or the expression of love on his face as he gently began to move inside him.
Tatsumi watched Watari’s eyes change from fogged up to questioning to loving as he started to make love to him. He forced himself to move slowly, to take in every nuance of Watari’s face, set up in it’s halo of golden hair against the black sheets. He watched Watari’s face flush, his eyes getting cloudy as he rubbed over his prostrate again and again, he watched how his skin started to gleam with a light sheen of sweat. He loved to hear Watari starting to whimper and moan and to hear his moans getting louder when he leaned down to take one of his nipples into his mouth.
“Tatsumi… please… stop teasing me…”
Tatsumi grinned and slowed down even more. Watari lifted his head and glared at him. Then he teleported them. Tatsumi suddenly found himself lying on his back, Watari kneeling over him. The scientist lifted Tatsumi’s knees to support himself, than started to lift him self up, slowly, teasingly, never breaking his eye contact to the secretary, then he slammed down forcefully, making Tatsumi cry out. The pace Watari set was quick and hard, making both men pant and gasp with the sensations. Tatsumi grabbed Watari’s erection and started to knead it, his grip harder than intended because of Watari’s movements. Under the double assault, Watari was the first to come, his muscles cramping down over Tatsumi’s erection and milking him, because he never stopped to move. Tatsumi howled his climax to the world, grabbing Watari’s head and pulling him down to him, kissing him hard, wanting to taste him while he shuddered under the waves of his orgasm. Watari collapsed onto him, not bothering to let slide Tatsumi out of him.
Smiling Tatsumi pushed Watari’s hair back from his face when he noticed that the scientist had fallen asleep on his chest. Reluctantly, he let himself slip out of Watari’s body, groaning at the sensation, and turned to his side, holding Watari pressed against him. The blond moved, then snuggled closer. Tatsumi used his shadow magic to pull the light comforter out from under them and covered them up with it. His hands buried in Watari’s silken locks, he allowed himself to fall asleep, too.

Hisoka moved unusually bouncy when he entered the office the next morning. To his surprise, Watari was already there, as was Tatsumi.
“Watari! Good morning. It worked!” He winked at the scientist and smiled (his third smile in this fic! Wow!). Then he stopped, confused at what he was sensing.
Tatsumi looked different today. More relaxed. But, as always, his shields were too strong for Hisoka to read him. And Watari… Watari almost bubbled with excitement. And… love.
Hisoka’s eyes grew wide.
Watari grinned and nodded. “Yep. But don’t tell Tsuzuki. I wonder when he’ll find out.”
“You… _you_?” Hisoka burst out.
“Shhhh. You’ll wake Tsuzuki from his early morning slumber.” It was almost nine. “And my congratulations. It was about time that you confessed your feelings to each other,” Tatsumi remarked.
“Look who’s talking.”
“Yeah, Watari, look who’s talking.”
Both men looked at each other, then at the still stunned Hisoka and burst out laughing.
“Shhh. Here he comes. I say he needs until this evening,” Watari said.
“Nah. Next week. Earliest.”
“Tatsumi! He’s not that dense!”
“Not normally, Watari. But… he’s in love…” Tatsumi sighed dramatically, then grinned.
“Okay. If I win you have to eat my cooking. And I will win if you don’t stop grinning like that. You don’t grin.”
“I do.”
“Do not.”
“Morning, guys.”
“Morning, Tsuzuki.”
“Isn’t it a wonderful day today?”

Fin!!!!!