The Giving of Gifts

Hellsing belongs to Kohta Hirano, not to me. No copyright infringement is intended or implied.

Thank you very much to dreadnot and dasaod for betaing.

The Giving of Gifts

Sir Integral Hellsing stood by her bed, swinging a slender gold chain in her hand. Her mind was too active to let her sleep. She had lost so much, so quickly, and now she was puzzling over how to pick up the pieces.

Walter had been the first person that had died. When she realized that Millennium had turned him, she had known that someone would have to destroy him. There was a consolation there, that he would have wanted it done, that indeed she was certain that she had seen gratitude in his eyes when he died. And she had not had to strike the final blow herself. That task had fallen to Alucard, who had stood over Walter\'s body with a look of no triumph whatsoever.

But then Alucard had fought \"her,\" the ancient nameless vampire Millennium had protected and kept. And he had swallowed her as before he had swallowed so many. But he could not control her. She had begun to try to control him instead. Integral saw it in his eyes immediately, when he looked at her with a hatred that Alucard never would have felt towards her. As little as anyone knew him, she knew that.

So Integral had done what she had feared she would have to do since the age of thirteen. She had used the power of the seal against Alucard\'s unlife and struck him down. This was a task somehow greater than watching Walter die, perhaps because it destroyed the Hellsing legacy, but she had recited the words necessary calmly and he had fallen. Even his corpse was destroyed, and \"her\" along with it. And she did not have the comfort that he would have wanted her to do it, because who could know that? However, she did tell herself that he would not have wanted anyone to hurt her. That much seemed certain.

Time had passed since these horrible events, and she had settled into a routine. Seras and the men still fought what little vampire activity there was. Hellsing still had its uses; they had fought twenty years without Alucard and they could do so again. Sometimes Integral sat alone at night and wondered if she missed the company of the monster who had once brought her tribute. Other times she called for Seras or one of the captains for tea and conversation. She had never been much for socializing but after so much had been taken from her she felt a need to hold on where she could.

Now she looked at the chain in her hands, and the cameo that hung from it. She traced the carved profile of a woman with her finger, then nodded, her decision made. With a determined _expression on her face, she walked down the corridor and began descending the steps to the basement. What she was about to do would be difficult for her, more difficult and more foreign to her nature than killing a vampire. But it was something she needed to do.

Arriving at Seras Victoria\'s room, she knocked gently on the door. It was a night off for her, as Integral knew, but as usual she was spending it in her room. Seras had had a loss of her own when Captain Bernadette had died, and then again when she had felt compelled to free his soul from her body. She answered the door quickly and smiled at Integral with a slightly puzzled look.

\"What brings you here, Sir Integral? Why didn\'t you just call me upstairs?\"

Integral wondered whether she had never told the girl not to call her \"sir,\" but decided not to address that now.

\"I have something for you. A gift,\" she said to Seras.

The vampire\'s eyes widened. \"A gift? For me? Whatever for?\"

Integral stepped into the room and shut the door.

\"It\'s this,\" she said, holding out the cameo.

Seras took it in her gloved hand. \"It\'s beautiful. But I\'m afraid I still don\'t understand why you want me to have a gift.\"

Integral suddenly realized she was going to have to tell Seras more than perhaps she wanted to. \"It\'s almost a long story.\"

Seras sat on her bed, still holding the locket, and gestured to an empty chair. \"You can tell me.\"

She sat down and began speaking.

\"That was carved in Italy, specially commissioned by the a member of the Hellsing family six generations ago. It\'s very intricate, unlike the simple cameos that have become quite common. He gave it to his bride on the occasion of their engagement, and they decided to give it to their son to give to his wife when he married. That custom was kept up, until no son was born. My father became ill not that long after my birth, and my mother realized that I would be the only child. Of course in the end she died first, but before she did she gave me the cameo. I was very young, but she explained to me what it was, and told me to treat it very carefully, which I did.\"

She looked up at Seras. \"I suppose you\'re thinking I must have been as serious as a child as I am now. Well, in a way I was.\"

\"I\'m sure it\'s not for me to say, Sir Integral,\" said Seras.

\"Integra, please. After all this time I think we are more than just superior and subordinate.\"

Seras nodded. \"Thank you, Integra.\"

Her voice sounded warm and sweet as she said it, and Integral wished she had done all of this long before.

\"Well, you see, there is no one to pass it down to now. When I was younger, I thought I would give it to a son or perhaps to a daughter. It\'s hardly an engagement present for a husband. But now I never intend to marry or have children.\"

\"But you\'re still very young!\" protested Seras.

\"I know, but marriage never interested me much. It\'s too much of a power struggle with another person.\"

\"Well that\'s a rather old-fashioned attitude. I\'m sure most men today don\'t expect that.\"

Integral smiled. \"I didn\'t necessarily mean that he would be the one to end up with the power.\"

Seras laughed, then looked serious. \"But who will take over Hellsing after...\"

\"After I die? Now that the family doesn\'t need to seal Alucard and control him, it really doesn\'t matter. I can promote one of the more dedicated captains, or choose a worthy candidate some other way.\"

\"Then for a while I thought... well, I hate to admit this, but there were times I thought Alucard himself wanted to make me a No-Life King, and the idea was tempting to me.\"

\"I\'m sure he did want that. And there might still be a way...\"

Integral shook her head. \"After I saw what happened with her, when she took over his body... it was a lesson to me. It reminded me of how the power of a No-Life King can be destructive to everyone, not just enemies.\"

She held up her hand. \"Don\'t get the wrong idea. You are under a lesser seal that can be transferred to another person, and in any case I trust you implicitly. I know you will keep working for Hellsing when I am gone. But I don\'t want the temptation of all that power. I have no regrets.\"

Seras was still looking at her, the red of her eyes matching her uniform. She had never acquired Alucard\'s love for the dramatic or the grotesque; she still looked like a beautiful young woman.

\"So if I had done that, I would have worn that cameo myself. I suppose it would have been a bit more appropriate for a vampire than this cross. But now... I want you to have it.\"

\"I\'m honored, really,\" she replied. \"But why me?\"

\"You\'ve been very loyal to me, and you\'ve protected me. I never really thanked you. And there were times I wanted... I wanted to be closer to you, and I couldn\'t bring myself to do anything about it, so I thought that I should give you that, to show you that you are more to me than just another soldier.\"

Integral was not sure she should say anything more. Perhaps it had been a mistake to tell her so much, though surely Seras suspected most of what she had said. She was not sure what she had expected to happen when she gave her the cameo, but now it was over, and she should leave.

Rising from her seat she said, \"Feel free to wear it or not as you please. But I hope you will keep it. I rather like the idea of your having it throughout your long life.\"

She was headed for the door when Seras came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder.

\"That\'s it?\" she asked.

Integral turned to face her. \"Pardon me?\"

\"You come down here to tell me you care about me, and to give me a gift the Hellsings give to their brides, and you\'re just going to leave?\"

Integral couldn\'t help being nervous at those words. Seras had in fact, figured out what she was trying to say to her. She touched Seras\'s shoulder in turn.

\"Do you think there is any way there could be something between us?\" she asked almost awkwardly.

The vampire moved closer and ran her hand over Integral\'s cheek slowly. Integral couldn\'t remember the last time she had been touched, and though Seras was moving her hand slowly and gently she felt the reaction in her body. This was what she had wanted, as much as she had told herself that she was not certain, that she was not going to lower her guard.
\"Don\'t you know how beautiful I think you are, Integra?\"

She reached out then and took Seras\'s face in her hands, and kissed her gently on the mouth. Integral had little experience with kisses, and was surprised at how soft and pleasant the feeling was, the way she needed to be closer to Seras. Slowly, she put her arms around her and began to deepen the kiss. She had never held anyone in her arms like this, never felt the delicate places inside a person\'s mouth, but she found that she enjoyed it.

Seras was stroking her hands through her hair now, a feeling that was relaxing and stimulating at the same time. Integral pulled away slightly to take her gloves off and continued kissing her. She was surprisingly warm, which was even more arousing.

After a while Seras removed her own gloves and kissed Integral near her ear. \"How far are we going to take this?\" she asked.

Integral hadn\'t even considered that when she had planned the evening. But she found that she really did trust Seras, enough to want to be vulnerable to her. \"How far do you want to take it?\" she asked.

\"I\'ve been wishing I could do this with you for a long time,\" admitted Seras.

\"Well then, no sense in half measures,\" said Integral with a small laugh. She was nervous, but she wanted to know how this would feel.

She took her jacket off, removed her gold cross necklace, and let Seras lead her to the bed. The two women lay down together. Integral drew Seras close to her again, loving the softness of her body. She ran a finger down Seras\'s neck and followed it with her lips, tasting the smooth skin and awkwardly beginning to unbutton the uniform. Seras helped her, and sat up so Integral could take off her bra.

Integral just looked at her for a while, at the pale skin of her ample breasts. She thought of how soft they must feel, and almost shyly began to touch them. When her fingers reached the hardness of Seras\'s nipples the vampire moaned softly.

Seras smiled and undid the tie around Integral\'s neck. Integral felt suddenly different, and free.

\"You can do this,\" she told herself as she helped Seras with her white blouse and serviceable bra. \"You can enjoy yourself with someone who is loyal to you. You can make love.\"

Then she thought only of the way Seras\'s hands felt as the touched her breasts. Her fingertips ran over Integral\'s skin like water, and she could feel that Seras was trembling slightly. The vampire leaned down and took Integral\'s nipple in her mouth, licking it. The feeling of pleasure washed through Integral and centered between her thighs.

\"I was worried that you would be afraid of my mouth,\" murmured Seras.

\"I\'m not afraid of you. You know that.\"

Seras moved her mouth to her other breast and Integral lay back on the bed, running her fingers through the vampire\'s blonde hair. She needed Seras\'s touch on more of her body, and she began to unfasten her pants. Seras pulled them off, and reached to pull her knickers down as well. She then sat for a moment looking at Integral.

\"Your skin is so lovely.\" The vampire was blushing slightly.

Seras began to touch her legs and Integral watched the other woman\'s pale hands on her own dark skin. She parted her thighs, and as Seras stroked her lower lips she felt herself becoming wet. Closing her eyes, she gave herself over to the sensations.

Gently, Seras slid one finger slightly into her. \"Is this all right?\" she asked.

Integra gave a breathless yes as Seras\'s finger began to move. This was filling her, answering her need. When Seras slid a second finger into her she arched into her touch. The vampire began small thrusts of her hand and Integral rocked with her movements.

Bending her head to Integral\'s breast again, Seras began to suck on her nipple. She shifted her hand so that the palm was rubbing Integral\'s clit and moved it faster. The feeling was so intense that Integral felt like she was about to break, but she didn\'t want this to stop.

Seras drew her wet fingers out of Integral and moved them up to her clit, rubbing it quickly. Integral\'s legs were trembling as she felt the wonderful tension rise to a peak. She worried for a moment that she was losing control, but found she almost wanted that. As the pleasure overtook her and she came she gave into it, throwing her head back and moaning softly.

She put her arms around Seras and lay her head on her shoulder. There didn\'t seem to be proper words for this moment.

Integral wanted to do something for Seras now, and not simply from some idea of it being her turn. She reached for the vampire\'s skirt and eased it down.

\"Don\'t do anything you don\'t want to do, Sir... I mean Integra.\"

She laughed. \"I want to give you some pleasure.\"

Laughing slightly at herself, Integral finally removed her glasses. As she helped Seras lie down and eased her knickers off, she thought of the relatively little she knew about how to please a person sexually. But she remembered to be confident, and after a moment began kissing Seras\'s thigh, gradually moving higher. When she reached Seras\'s curls she ran her tongue through them.

She had wondered what this would be like, and when she gently parted Seras\'s folds there was a pleasant, almost sour taste, and then Seras\'s inner walls were hot around her tongue. When she cried out, Integra thought only of doing anything she could so that she would make that sound again. She moved her tongue rapidly and felt gratified when her partner moaned her name.

Integral then ran her tongue up to Seras\'s clit, circling it and licking it. The vampire was murmuring under her breath, pleading for her to continue. Integra had no thought of stopping. It was thrilling to her to be able to satisfy this woman. She began to suck gently at her clit and then Seras thrust her hips up as she climaxed.

Seras pulled Integral down onto her and held her close.

\"Thank you,\" the vampire said.

\"Don\'t thank me for that,\" said Integral.

\"For the cameo then,\" laughed Seras.

Integral closed her eyes. She had done something that she had never done before, she had reached out for someone physically and emotionally, and now she was happier than she had been since the war. Sighing, she kissed Seras\'s cheek and rested against her body.

\"I do want you to have the cameo,\" she said. \"Wear it, and think of me.\"

Seras kissed her. \"I don\'t think I could stop thinking of you now.\"

Integral was pleased. Someone would think of her now, and would share the comfort of touch with her. She had given a gift, and she had received one in turn.