Mercy

Hellsing and Hellsing: The Dawn belong to Kohta Hirano, not to me. No copyright infringement is intended or implied.

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Mercy


June 18, 1947

The war has been over for years but our war still goes on. The undead are a threat forever. I killed a vampire and twenty ghouls last night: whipping the wires, watching the pieces fall. This one was easy. I am good at what I do. They are proud of me, and tell me I have grown to be a man, which I suppose is true.

I think I like reading. I may not have gone to school much but books interest me. I live in a bizarre world already, with the walking dead. It\'s good to look at other strange worlds. And the real everyday world, which might as well be Mars.


June 21, 1947

They tried to set me to polishing the silver today. I think they were angry that I was laughing all morning with one of the maids. Maybe she was Arthur\'s maid? I told them the task was beneath me and they got a bit angry, but I reminded them that they have no soldiers as good as I am.

They are sending me to Scotland to hunt a family of vampires there. Sir Hellsing smiled when he said it, as if risking my life were some treat that I should accept gratefully. But I would never say no, even if offered the choice. Sometimes I am still shocked at the blood and flesh my wires leave. But I\'m excited too, as I stand there knowing that moving the wires a centimeter will bring death to the enemy. And they are my enemy, because they are Hellsing\'s.


June 22, 1947

Alucard will be accompanying me to Scotland. I cannot believe this. I\'ve hardly seen him since the war. When he doesn\'t fight he keeps to himself. But he appeared in the room as Sir Irons announced the plan, looking up at me and laughing. He still looks like a dark-haired woman, and he still wears white. It\'s difficult to remember to call him \"he.\"

I am not happy about this. Alucard is a mystery, and one I don\'t want to pry into. And when we were in Europe... I have no wish to write this, but he would touch me at times, for no reason. My arms, or my hair, sometimes my back. And I let him, because ... I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it all too much.

To be blunt, his touch made me hard, and that is why I would rather not go to the Scottish countryside alone with him.

I hope no one ever finds this diary, because God only knows what they would think of me.


June 24, 1947

The vampires live, so to speak, on an old farm. They\'re known to prey on travelers. They seem to offer hospitality but in the end they drain the traveler of blood and bury him in a field. It\'s like a legend or a fairy tale, but it\'s real. It was a workman finding bones that was the first clue. But the family doesn\'t know we suspect them. I think this should be simple.

Alucard teased me about writing in this diary. He said he didn\'t know I even knew how to write. I asked him if he knew how to write, and he made a rough sound and didn\'t answer. But I know that he does, because of who he once was.

I think about that sometimes, Alucard as a prince and ruler. The man who intimidated a country. I know he did not look like a girl then. I don\'t mention any of my thoughts to him. His past is something that scares me, and sometimes I think it even scares him.


June 25, 1947

We are in Scotland now and he has insisted that we share a room. He will be sleeping in his coffin, alone. I drew the line there. He has an odd smile on his face most of the time, and I am afraid to ask what he is thinking.

Tonight, I lay looking at the ceiling, thinking of the mission and eventually thinking of Alucard touching my body. I was imagining his hands and mouth on my bare skin, wanting this and dreading it at the same time. Suddenly at that moment he said, \"Does it make you hard?\"

My eyes flew open and my heart pounded. What did he know and how did he know it? He went on speaking though.

\"Battle, blood, ripping bodies with wire... do those things make you hard?\"

This question was a bit safer to answer.

\"Sometimes,\" I said. \"What about you?\"

He answered, \"Always, my dear Angel of Death, always.\"

There were centuries of darkness in his voice just then, and it was hard to remember that was the feminine and other-worldly creature in white that I knew.

In the middle of the night he went out, and returned with his clothing and mouth stained with blood. I know that Arthur permits him to feed, but I can\'t help wondering who died tonight. A woman? A man? Had Alucard lured him in some way or simply jumped on him in the darkness? Did the victim feel anything besides the fangs and the chill?

Eventually I shall have to clear my mind and go to sleep.


June 26, 1947

I don\'t want to talk about tonight, because I will have to remember what happened. But I will write it down, because I have to tell someone, yet I can tell no one. I don\'t understand why either of us did this, though at the time ... Well, I will start with the battle.

We went out in the evening, when the vampires might still be asleep. The area was completely deserted except for their dwelling. Together we approached the farmhouse.

I was about to suggest to Alucard that one of us approach each of the doors, when he ran forward toward the side of the building. I saw orange flame. Alucard had set the building on fire. He ran back to my side and made a sweeping motion with his hands. The fire obeyed his silent command and covered the building instantly.

He was laughing as he saw the farmhouse burn, and laughed even harder when a woman ran out screaming, her hair and clothing on fire. A human never could never have made it as far as she did, but though she was undead did she not stop pleading for mercy.

Alucard gave her no mercy. He ran forward and pushed her, face forward, to the ground. She was still burning and still screaming when he straddled her and bit into the back of her neck. I could see her struggle as Alucard ripped pieces of flesh from her back and chewed them.

Then the other three vampires ran out and I had to deal with them, though I thought of Alucard\'s cruelty as I did it. I cut them down quickly, then cut the parts to make certain they would not get up again. There was no reason to torture them. And I did not want their blood. I am human.

Alucard had basically shredded the woman, and he was covered in blood once again. I am not sickened by such things but I walked away anyway. Within minutes he appeared in front of me.

\"Why did you set a fire?\" I asked.

\"I thought it was a nice touch,\" he replied. He grinned. \"Are you hard, Angel of Death?\"

As soon as I heard his words, I was. I watched as he reached down with his pale hand and began to stroke me through my trousers.

\"What are you doing?\" I asked, but I asked it weakly. I don\'t understand it now but I had no desire to stop him, though my mind was my own. All I could think of was that if he kept going I might come and I needed that desperately.

I didn\'t speak again, not even when he undid my trousers and touched the bare skin of my erection with his smooth, cool hand. When he knelt, I knew what he was going to do, and I still didn\'t care. He pushed back my foreskin and began to lick me. No one had ever done these things. His mouth was still filled with blood and dead flesh. Yet I didn\'t want him to stop, even though this was probably something I would pay a high price for someday.

I closed my eyes as he took me into his mouth and began sucking. The coolness of him, and the very fact that he was a corpse, mattered nothing compared to the sensations of his lips and tongue. His fangs were scraping my skin, and part of me pictured the burning woman. But I pushed my hips forward, needing to be deep inside his mouth. He took me deeper, then moved his head, running his lips over my shaft.

I was panting, and then I was coming, spilling myself into his mouth. It was a release, but there was also the tension of knowing who had sucked me to orgasm so well. I finally opened my eyes and down at him and he grinned up at me. He swallowed my seed, and I wondered if that was his way of getting something from me, since I would not let him take my blood.

Standing, he reached for my hand and tried to guide it toward his crotch. The blood stains had already faded from his clothing. I shook my head and backed away. I was confused enough already.

Alucard laughed then, and parted his robes. I could see his body now, slim but not at all feminine, and his erection. Gazing at me, he began to touch and stroke himself. I remained in place, fascinated, as he stared at me and moved his hand. Part of me did wish it was me touching him. He moved his hand faster, and I pictured what it would be like, taking him in my hand and feeling his skin. When he came, he threw his head back and moaned.

Laughing, he ran away, and I went back to our room alone. He is probably hunting again, though one would think even he would have had enough tonight. And I lie here now, thinking of what I just did... with a vampire, with a corpse, with Vlad Dracul. I have seen him kill and seen him feed, how could I want him to touch me?

I am going to sleep. Alucard will probably not attempt to make further inroads on my body tonight. Just in case, I will sleep with the wires ready. Even I could not stop him permanently, but I could make him frustrated enough to go find an easier target. I only hope I do not dream of what more he could do to me, but I am certain I will.