Sex is Comedy

Disclamer.. I don't own POT.. The illegal substance or the anime/manga. LOL

Okay.. I just want to say this is a comedy, but I'm going to try and stay in character ( I grill people for that all the time). After reading most of the fics in this thread, I've realized there are too many WAFF or angst stories. So I wanted to make some thing rather wacky and make people laugh. Though having a stalker is serious.. this isn't. I got the idea for the stalker from an old Kid's In The Hall episode. You'll see what I mean later.. Oh and I disclam Kids In The Hall*. If you haven't seen this show.. you should, very funny.(( Has David Fowley.)) Oh One more thing.. About the title.. I know I borrowed it from a movie, so I disclaim the title too. DAMN!! LETS JUST GET TO THE STORY!

~ Sex Is Comedy ~


It seemed like any other normal school day for Ryoma Echizen. A boring day at school and the typical tennis practise after. Tho things seemed like normal, Ryoma felt rather paranoid. Some thing that was really out of his character.

It was like some one was following him. He would feel some ones eyes on his back. When he would turn around and look, there was no one. He felt like some one was trying to drive him nuts on purpose. So he was really frustrated.

" Hey.. Momo-senpai.." He walked up to his fellow team mate, glaring at him. Momoshiro looked down at his young friend. " Oi Oi.. Echizen.. can I help you with some thing.. or heh.. want to tell me some thing important? Like Your secert crush, wow!!" Momo bent down to get a better look at Ryoma's face.

Ryoma frowed his brow, " You, love to jump the gun on things don't you." Momo-kun rolled his eyes, " why can't our conversations be interesting. It's always tennis this and tennis that.. Or a hamburger every once in a while. Your right, I did jump the gun. Who would be interested in some one like you?"

Momo could see Ryoma hold back his anger, " Psh..I guess I came to the wrong person for advices." Ryoma turned on his heels, and started to walk away. " I'll just ask the captain."

Ryoma felt Momoshiro's hands on his shoulder, " Well.. I take it back, okay.. what is it.. Since you started this I want to know now." " Your nosey too.. figures," Ryoma turned around.

Just as Ryoma was about to tell Momo about his weird feeling. He saw some one from the corner of his eyes. There was a some one hiding in the bushes. He fixed his focus on the person.

" Momo..Don't turn around.. I think my problem has just revealed it self." He cautioned with his hands. " Huh?" With out taking what Ryoma said seriously he turned around to look," what are you talking about?"

The person popped out of the bushes and started to run across the parking lot. the person could be made out more clearly in the light. It was a man with a mask, khaki shorts and a pink shirt*. " What the hell.." where the words that slipped from Momo's lips.

" Baka.. I told you not to turn around.. now you scared off my stalker!" He looked at the other boy, with shock, " What the hell!" Ryoma Just looked at his senpai with distaste, but also worry.

He was about to explain for a second time what was going on. When Tezuka yelled out to them, " What are you doing slacking off.. you still have ten minutes left of practise! twenty laps now."

With out a second thought the two boys bolted off. " Look at what you've caused now.. Echizen.." Momoshrio grumbled as they ran. " My fault.. God.. I why do I even bother."

Tezuka sighed as he watched them run off. " I wonder..* he rubbed his chin, looking off in to the direction of the parking lot.* why they were getting so excited." Fuji practices his swings, and stopped to look at his sweet heart. " Hmm.. It was some man, maybe a spy?"

" By there reaction, I would think so." Tezuka looked at his watch and saw that it was time to clean up. He order the freshman to get to it. The place was ready to go, before they knew it.

Fuji walked up behind Tezuka and whispered in his ear. " Are we good.. for tonight?" Tezuka looked over his shoulder at him. " My Grandparents will be out this even, so thats a yes."

Fuji flashed his beautiful blue eyes, adding a cute smile. He walked past his captain in to the club house. Tezuka crossed his arms, still watching his two team mates finish up there laps.

~ In The club house~

" Hoi.. Ochibi.. and Momo .. what do you guys think?" Eiji pulled his jersey over his head. " They seem close.. like.. you know what I mean.. there always talking to each other."

Oishi thought for a second placing a finger to his lip. " I don't think so.. They just don't seem like it. You know people can be just friends, and still be close." The vice-captain knelt down, putting his shirt in his bag.

" Well.. Thats just sad then.. and boring. I was hoping we could like go out like a group or some thing, heh, couples dating." Oishi frowned, " god, like thats some thing I'd be able to handle. You really need to stop with such scared ideas.. they'll be the death of me." " But you love it.. you know it! Heh" Eiji winked at his boyfriend.
Well they talked, Inui looked threw his note book. The title on it was personal data. " Hmm.." The noise caused both Eiji and Oishi to look at him. " There's a fifty percent chance that they are or will.. they just need the right factors to push them." He closed the book. " But there are also many factors that can cause a different result."
" So.. there basically unpredictable? Wow.. Even Inui doesn't know for sure." Kaidoh hissed as he walked out of the shower. " Not every ones a faggot like you two.. there just a slacker and an idiot.. who cares." His rough voice trailed him as he walked to his locker.
Eiji Face turned red, " Jerk!! What did I say about using that word.. so insensitive. Is thats how you treat your friends?!" He shook his fist and started to charge at the Viper. Oishi grabbed a hold of him just in time.

" Hey now.. Thats just how he is.. remember. heh..he still cares. Don't yea Karou..say sorry.." Oishi winced as Eiji nibbled on his arm. All he got out of the snake was a low key hiss.

Inui smirked looking in his book again. " There is over a ninety percent chance that Kaidoh is over compansating..when he makes such statements." Kaidoh stopped what he was doing, and shot Inui a glare.

" HOI HOI, the truth comes out!" Eiji stopped his struggling and placed his hands on his hips. " Why.. such a high percentage.. Inui-kun." A cat like smirk came to the red heads lips.

"Well.." Inui adjusted his glasses. Kaidoh looked like he was about to pounce if Inui said any thing he'd live to regret. Inui's cheeks seemed to turn a dusty pink. He was about to say some thing when Fuji and Kawamaru walked in.

" I'd stop while your ahead.." The prodigy laughed as he opened his locker. " We don't want blood shed so late in the day. Tezuka would be rather cross with all of you."
Eiji pouted and sat on the bench. Every one else went back to what they were doing. " what was every one talking about, any ways?" Fuji started to un-zip his jacket and remove his shirt. " Its better off not repeated.. I think Fuji.." Oishi chimed.
~ Back outside~

Tezuka frown,d as Ryoma and Momoshiro made there way over. " Now can you explain your selves.. and why you were yelling at each other on my courts?" His voice was well tempered, no hints of anger what so ever. " I wasn't yelling.." Ryoma spoke and looked away. Momoshiro just gave the runt a slanted glare. " You did.. but thats not really the issue here.. now is it. " "forget it.. I can handle this on my own.. okay..I bet it was nothing." Ryoma sighed deeply. " Heh.. you got us both in trouble for this.. you should tell him!"

Tezuka eyes went to Ryoma hoping for an explanation. Ryoma with priced lips, just shrugged, " Its nothing." Momoshiro was at his limit, " I don't get you.. earlier you were shaken in your hat to get help.. and now that you have our attention.." Ryoma frowed his brow and tilted his head to one side.

" Your such a brat!" Momoshiro clinched his fists. Tezuka got between them, " I think you need to cool down.. so just get ready to go home.. Your dismissed." " But.." " Leave it too me.." Momo nodded, giving Ryoma one last glare, then walked away. " I'm just worried is all..You and your pride.. there going to have to take a back seat one day."
" tsk..who's he to give a lecture.." Ryoma pouted, Tezuka closed his eyes. " He's your senpai..and deserves a certain amount of respect. This isn't the first time you two have been caught fighting or slacking off.. thats going to change, understand me?"
Ryoma looked his captain," You should be telling him that." " I will," Tezuka was getting rather annoyed. " But I'm talking to you.. so have we come to an understanding?" Ryoma looked down and nodded solemnly. " Good.. just do what you have to. You two bicker like your married.. I don't want to see that here." Ryoma lifted his head," God.. I don't need to hear some thing like that."

" Now.. any thing else you want to tell me.. Echizen?" He looked at him seriously, putting his hands on his hips. " Nope.." Ryoma rocked on his heels, He was most differently ready to go home. Tezuka looked away, " Good.. But if you feel the sudden need to change your mind..and tell me.. you know how to reach me." Ryoma nodded and walked away.

~ A little while later~

Every one was basically cleaned up and ready to leave by the time Ryoma hit the showers. He could hear every ones chatter as they pulled out. " Echizen.. I'll just leave you the spare..okay?" Oishi said, his voice was just audioable over the shower water. " Yea.. we don't have all night to wait," yawned Eiji. " Make sure he gets it back on Monday," Tezuka added.

Ryoma lathered the soap on his head, " gotcha." Before he knew it, he was surrounded by silents. He rinsed off and made his way to his locker. Then He began to have that weird feeling. The one he had felt all day.

His eyes got large and he looked around. He saw no one, he shook his head and opened his locker. He turned to grab his school uniform, and was met with a falling tennis ball. It bounced off his head. " Huh, how did you get here?" He looked at the tennis ball, but there was some thing different about it. There was a black skull with cross bones. In English writing under it, it spelled, " Eradicator."

" Nani?" He face was full of confusion," I think its spelled wrong." Just then He heard a loud crash. He twirled around to see but no one was there, again. Ryoma's heart was beating so hard in his chest.

He got dressed as fast as he could, and made his way home. As he walked down the street the paranoid feeling returned. " Why am I getting scared.. this is so stupid." But he was getting caught up in it. He had never had some sicko chase after him before.


Finally he got the nerve up to stop. " OKAY!!! I've had enough.. face me and lets get this over with!" He held up his tennis bag as if it was a weapon. " where are you.. come on.. I hear you.. now get out here!" He gritted his teeth when no one came out.

" Thats what I thought! heh, chicken.." He walked a little bit farther and soon he had reached the park. " I knew If I just faced 'em they would back off." He sighed and took a deep breath.

Just then he heard a noise, and it made him jump. He looked around for the source, taking out his tennis racket slowly. The noise was coming from a rustling bush. He couldn't make out the noise over his pounding heart, so he approached with cation.
He was so close to the bushes, so far nothing had happen. So he made the choice to attack first, " Banzai!" He shouted charging in to the bushes. Swing his racket around, he hit some thing and heard a shout. " STOP.. Don't hurt him!"

Echizen did what the voice requested, but that voice sounded so familiar. " Kaidoh-senpai.. is that you..?" His eyes tried to adjust to the poor lighting.

What he saw shocked him. Inui was on top of Kaidoh, and well both were half naked. Inui rubbed his head ruefully, " owwww." " I told you this was a bad time.. but do you listen! No! Now were in for it." Kaidoh moved over and shield Inui from any more attack." Please..who ever you are...it's not what you think." Said Inui, holding back on to Kaidoh.

Ryoma was shocked beyond words. He had no idea he's team mates, epically Inui and Kaidoh, were like this. This was far worse then running in to a stalker." OH MY GOOOOOOOODDDDD!" Ryoma turned and ran as fast as he could, picking up his tennis bag in the process. " My eyes!!!" He whined as he took off down the street.

They both popped there heads out of the bushes. " Was that Echizen?" " I think it was." They both looked at each other. " This is going to cause complications," noted Inui. Kaidoh looked at Inui. " But.. you protected me. I guess I can take that as a yes?" Kaidoh looked angry but the blush said other wise. " I can't go home like this.." was his replay. " I have a prefact place for us to spend the night then." Inui smirked," It better not be another bush." Inui smirked, " I promise."

~ Back to our escaping tennis champ~

He had run all the way home never stopping.He closed the door behind him. trying to get his breath back, he called out for his mother. He didn't get a replay, He called his cousin even his father. All he could find was Kurupin.

He looked down at the cat and petted him. " Where are they.. when I actually need them." He finally found a letter from his old man, ' We couldn't wait for you any longer! So we went to the movies with out you. JEESH.. your slow, boy.' He crushed the note in his hand.

" I really do hate that man. Mada...." Before he was able to finish, the phone rang. He walked up to the phone and answered, " Echizen residents." Oh the other end of the line, there was an errie silents. " Hello?" He asked again. " ERADICATOR!!" was the answer he got in return. Ryoma slamed down the recever, backing away slowly.

" I'm not safe here!!! Where can I go.. who.." He felt dizzy. " Momo-chan.. No.. He'll just get under my skin.. like last time." He thought hard. " Tezuka.. I'll go there..I should phone him." He picked up the phone again and dialed the number. He got no answer," come on.. pick up!" He hung up the phone.

He all of a sudden started to feel his age. He bit his bottum lip. The house made its normal noise, but to Ryoma it could have been the stalker. Other then the hall way light every thing else was dark. The shadows also started to play with his mind.

" I can't stay here any more.. I'll just head over there!" He was on his way in a flash.

~ Tezuka's house~


When Fuji Syuusuke asked to come to Tezuka Kunimitsu house, He was hoping for a more appealing night. So far they had dinner, talked about there families, and looked at some tennis books. That was all good, but boring. It was typical for one of there 'dates' to be this hummble. Fuji was starting to think Tezuka didn't get the point, of not having any adults around.

" Kunimitsu-kun..what do you want to do now.." He leaned in closer to him. Flashing those baby blues of his. " Oh I know.. Lets watch a movie!" He grabbed a black case from his bag, before the captain could answer.

" Thats not what I think it is.." Fuji smiled, "I know how you reacted to it the last time.. I liked its effect." "I was hoping for a more.. relaxed evening with you Syuusuke. I'm still getting used to.. well all of this." Fuji crawled back over to his friend, touching his face softly.

" So thats whats been bugging you. How long have we been friends? For a long time right." He removed his glasses, and nuzzled his nose. " Right.. over three years." Tezuka's eyes looked in to Fuji's eyes. " You like me.. I like you.. So its only natural.. right..to experiment." " I do belive we've had this conversation.. Syuusuke.. We should pace our selves."

Fuji rolled his eye's, " we've paced our selves enough.. we both know we like it." He kissed Tezuka's lips, exploring his mouth. He could sense his mood in the way he kissed back. ' Finally he's loosening up, thats a good thing. Maybe we will get to go all the way this time.'

The theme music for the movie began to play. Tezuka's body began to loosen under Fuji's demanding touch. Fuji withdrew his kiss," What is it.. about this song that gets you so hot?" His hands travaled to Tezuka's belt, un buckling him.

" I don't know.. It's just.. Some thing about David Bowes voice.. Its kinda creepy actually." he closed his eyes as Fuji lefted his shirt to kiss at his naval. " I think its amazing..your body turns to instant jello." Fuji's kiss contuied there way down. He slipped his pants down more as he went. " maybe its the way your touching me?"

Fuji looked up, " I think that would be even better." Tezuka face felt red and hot already. " Keep your eyes on me..Kunimistu..I'll show you some thing really sexy." He completely removed his pants and under garments. Eyeing Tezuka's growing errection. He got close to it and blew on it. Then He licked his lips," Ready set.. here I go."
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I had to stop it here.. I'll have more up soon. I hoped you liked it thus far. Theres more crazy antics to come. I'd love to hear what every one thinks so please, comment.