Lyrics of the Third Impact, or Beast of Sadness

Lyrics of the Third Impact, or Beast of Sadness

Author: Kaworu aka Severus Snape
Genre: some fluff, some angst... lime...
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kaworu x Shinji
Summary: Shinji meets someone after the Third Impact...
Date written: 2001
Translated: 2001

Disclaimer: Not mine. Alas. These guys belong to their respectful owners. (Even if I've stolen my nickname from Anno-sensei //_^)

(Shinji)
I awakened after the Third Impact as I believe. And everything was suspiciously... like reality! Like as nothing happened. Maybe nothing happened in the end? Maybe all those Angels, Evas were just my dream...
I smirked. No, it wasn't a dream. On the edge of my hospital bed there slept Misato. Actually, she was sleeping on a chair with her head on the bed. She woke up feeling my gaze.
- Oh, Shinji-kun! At last you're awake!
I smile embaressed and don't answer to her. She's talking about the Third Impact but I listen with half an ear, actually I recall all that happened like rewinding a video tape stopping on some scenes. A shot: I and he are on a sea shore. A shot: we are in his room... Again I regret about all that wasn't. The next shot: I fight Asuka's Eva and he's watching me... I've never thought that it was possible to see so much sorrow in one pair of eyes. The next shot... No! I don't want to remember this...
"Imustn'trunawayImustn'trunawayImustn'trunaway..." The usual "prayer" for moments like this. At last, I can't take it anymore, I burst out crying on Misato's chest. She's trying to soothe me telling something but I don't hear it.
***
Days crawl like a caterpillar on a mountain's slope. Slowly, tediously... I've just finished school but I feel like I'm decades older. And this work... Why can't I quit NERV? I smmirk at my helplessness. The same loser as always... But now I'm even more sorrowful. What if I could not kill him?...
That's it! Enough is enough. I need some shaking.
- Anou... Misato, I'll come back late. I have... some business.
She smirks and nodds. Of course she knows where I'm going.
I dress up quickly. Maybe some make up to my lips? No, that's a bad idea. Anyway, who would look at my lips?
***
I sit at the corner table drinking juice. I just can't bear alcohol... Well, now that girl with lots of makeup is smirking at me. Ooops! I mean... I forgot where I was.
A guy with bright makeup comes to me.
- Do you want to dance?
I nod.
We move with the music, our bodies touching. He's holding wy waist lightly and I feel that I blush.
- Anou... Do you know what's this music? It seems to be very old...
- This is Gackt, "Cube", - whisper in my ear. - Don't you like it?
- I do... I like it... I guess Gackt was popular before I was born.
He smirks and pulls me closer, now our bodies don't lose contact. Am I as red as I think? Or maybe even redder? The song ends and we return to my table.
- Do you want something to drink?
I nod modestly and he orders beer. Shit, I hate alcohol! But tonight I want to forget everything...
After umpteenth glass of beer I, for my own surprise, begin to tell about myself. About me piloting Eva, about my hatered for father... About Kaworu. Shit! I wanted to forget JUST this!
- Did you love him? - his smile is strange, devillish and beautiful.
- Well... I don't know... Maybe... - and more in that style of mine. As always turning my eyes down and hiding my hands.
He pulls my face up and smiles. I think I'm going crazy of this smile. Oops, I think I said it aloud...
- Do you like it? - the smile turns even more devillish, eyes with bright makeup shine with strange light. - This is Lucifer's Smile, I borrowed it from one musician, Sugizo. Do you know who is Sugizo?
- No... I don't...
- He was popular earlier than Gackt, before you were born. We can go to my place, listen to Sugizo. If you want to...
I agree.
***
Hot hands all over my body. Broken breath in my ear. Sugizo's music somewhere...
Lucifer's Smile, pain in uncomfortably turned neck, thrusts... Strange combination of sorrow, happiness, hopelessness, pleasure, pain...
- Kaworu... - with that name on my lips I come.
In a few seconds he joins me. We lay for some time holding each other, breathing heavily. Then he brokes silence.
- You loved him.
I don't answer, just lie there on his arm watching ceiling.
***
(Misato)
Ugh! What a day! If it was my choice I would kill Gendo at least for he makes us stay at work till VERY late even on weekends.
And poor Shinji will stay there till late night dealing with those newcomers. Heh-heh-heh... Serves him right! He came back home early in the morning, rumpled, smelling like cheap whiskey bar in closing hours... Yak! And it was me who ran to buy him remedy! If he came to NERV like that, Gendo would choke him with his own hands. He's an emotionless bastard, yes, but father nonetheless... At least, I think that the idea of his son hanging in gay-clubs drinking with hell-knows-who would not please him.
Suddenly I see familiar silhouette under a lamppost smoking a cigarette. I thought he didn't smoke... NANI!?!? No, that's impossible, he CAN'T be here! He's dead!
- Kombanwa, Misato-san.
I have hallucinations. I think it's time to drink less amount of beer.
I try to say something but just can't with my jaw dropped to the ground.
- I know how you feel. I was as surprised as you are now when I was reborn.
I nod dumbly with my jaw still on the ground.
- Sorry, but don't you know when Shinji'll be back?
- Eh... He'll be late, I think. He has a lot of work, - I smile dumbly. - Do you want to come to the flat, Kaworu-kun?
- No, thank you. I'll wait him here, - he smiles politely and lights another cigarette.
I look at the ground and freeze shocked: there's quite big pile of cigarette ends near Kaworu's feet. Janitor would gladly kill him.
- As you wish, - I turn around and go to the doorway.
Another situation like that and I'll go nuts. A bed in a mental hospital waits for me...
***
Why do I *love* beer so much? One more can...
Suddenly the door bangs. With LOTS of noise. There's happy laughter. When did Shinji laugh like that the last time? I really don't remember.
They slam into kitchen, Kaworu pushes Shinji to a wall and they kiss passinately.
- Hey you! Perverts! Don't you mind me being here!
- I am sorry, Misato-san, - Kaworu smiles politely then takes few cans of beer and goes away holding Shinji's waist.
He's lucky that these were NOT the last.
I try to drink my beer peacefully but those two are laughing loudly in Shinji's room. When the hell will they shut up!?
At last!
***
For three hours these perverts are disturbing my sleep! Enough is enough. They'll get it. I knock at Shinji's door.
- Shinji-kun, could you scream LOUDER!? It's not the WHOLE neighbourhood that knows about your way of spending time!
There stands Shinji in the foor frame... Long shirt and nothing more. Bright-red face, embarrassed but still wide grin, few bright marks on his neck.
- Hey, listen! I have work to do tomorrow! And you, too, by the way!
Shinji lets his eyes fall to the flour embarraced, and I can hear Kaworu is giggling from the direction of the bed.
- If I don't get enough sleep tonight, I'll kill you with my own hands! And I won't cover you anymore, - I turn my back to him and go away.
He can do what he wants to. I don't care.
***
I wake up from the cursed alarm-clock, the lack of sleep is apparent, and I'm VERY angry. Shinji, you're dead.
I dress and go to wake the "lover-boy". I bet, he's forgotten to set the alarm-clock.
- Shinji-kun! Get the hell up!
There's something strange inside... I walk in carefully and see Shinji on the bed cuddling a pillow. Alone.
- He's gone... - Shinji has tear trails on his face.
I don't know what to say, so I just stand there.
Shinji smiles sadly and takes huge white feather from the bed.
- Forever...
- Well... Maybe he'll come back. Like this time.
There's hope in his eyes, like he thinks it depends on me if Kaworu returns or not.
- Of course, he'll come back! - I try to look sure. - He'll come back when you don't expect him to! Just like this time.
Shinji smiles.
- I'll be waiting...