Cinnamon and Jasmine - Aftershock

Title:
CINNAMON AND JASMINE - AFTERSHOCK
Original Author:
Samurai Champloo (c) Geneon.
Summary:
Jin has been dealing with things by himself for years...but can he face this alone? Third in the
Cinnamon and Jasmine series.
Rating:
Yaoi/Lemon/Shonen-ai, Flashbacks of NC/Rape. Language, violence. Disturbing images.
Pairing(s):
(Mugen/Jin), Flashbacks NC (OC/Jin)
Disclaimer:
I don’t have anything to do with the series...God help us if I did.
Authors Note:
It would be best if you read the other two stories first...but this stands on it’s own a little. Takes
place a few weeks after the second story, “Freestyle Love Affair”...Enjoy!
_______________________________________

CINNAMON AND JASMINE - AFTERSHOCK
CHAPTER ONE

“You guys wanna stop at an inn?”

“......”

“How about food?”

“......”

“Nhh, cockfight?!”

“......”

“Grr, that’s it!” Fu stopped in her tracks, stomping her feet. “You guys have acted like statues
ever since we left that place! C’mon!”

“What’s your problem?!” Mugen glared.

“The silent treatment? Sound familiar?”

“Heh, I ain’t got nothing to talk about.”

Both stared at Jin who blinked, turning away.

“This is hopeless!” Fu put her hands up in the air. “Here...” She began counting out some coins.
“Take this, I’ll be in town. When you two decide to start talking again, and stop fighting, I’ll be at
the Red Cow.”

“You gypped me! This is short!” Mugen played with the money angrily.

“You’re in no place to complain, you wasted half of it on squid! Maybe you should spend some
time alone. We’re always in each others faces so much, maybe we just need a little break?”

“Yeah, yeah...fuck off.” He sighed as she took the left path muttering about him being an asshole.

Mugen stared quietly at the cash, before holding out half in his hand. Jin gave him a look that
would kill, before walking past him.

“What the fuck?! Don’t you want it?”

“I’ll never spend any of that cursed money.” The ronin stopped, back to him.

“Cursed?”

“You know how we got that...I have nothing more to say.”

“You are so fucking confusing, you said you wanted to!”

“I never said those words.” He turned to find Mugen was very close.

“Maybe not, but you agreed.”

Jin frowned, trying to keep his quickened breath and pulse hidden. “And that is my sin to bear.”

Mugen sighed, shaking his head. Running a hand through his hair. “I don’t see why this is such a
big-assed deal.”

“Mugen...” His voice sounded unusually shaken. “We sold ourselves...”

“So? You think it was the first time I did that?!”

The ronin looked away, shutting his eyes with a defeated sigh. “Let us just drop it. Do what you
will today, but I will not take that money.” He turned beginning to walk away.

“Fuck you then, more for me. Maybe I’ll get a whore since I can’t seem to afford you!”

Mugen didn’t see the rock until it cracked him in the head. Grabbing his temple, he looked around
angrily, seeing Jin running on the right path.

“You little bitch!”

- - - - -

//This is bad.//
Fu though while she sipped her tea.
//I know what we did was wrong, but we had no choice! Those yakuza would have killed us if we
didn’t pay up...and it was good money.//
She couldn’t help but laugh quietly.
//They haven’t talked to me since we left the brothel.//
Sighing, she began eating her food.

- - - - -

“Something troubles you, my dear.”

Jin froze as the creepy voice called to him. He turned to see an elderly woman at a fourtune
telling stand.

“Save you predictions for those with money.”

“Something’s are more important than monetary value.”

Despite his annoyed state, her words and eyes drew him closer. Taking a slight look around so no
one would see him in such a ridiculous place.

He stared at her determined. “What do you want?”

“What do you want?”

He frowned. “I’m leaving...”

“You run because you do not know. The fish swims away when faced with the unknown, yet
returns to take the bait.”

“Your point?”
//Not this fish thing again...//

“Only when you know what you seek, will you know when you have found it.”

He changed his eyes to the ground.

“Your spirit is torn. You hide your feelings in fear of loss. This will only hurt you both.”

“What?!”

“You place too much faith in planning. Fate is fate, no matter what you expect. Now, you’re
blocking my stand. Off with you!”

Jin stared for a while in slight disbelief, before walking away aimlessly.
//How could she possibly know that? I must be losing my mind...//

- - - - -

//Red Cow my ass! This place is like a damn graveyard.//
Mugen wandered around the small room Fu rented. He didn’t exactly want to talk to her, but
being alone felt worse. As he lay on the futon laid out, his mind drifted to Jin.
//If he didn’t want to do it, why the hell didn’t he say so?//
He growled lightly.
//Why is he always saying one thing and doing another?!//

Mixed signals seemed to be an understatement when concerning the ronin. Mugen knew most of
their fights, came from the fact he didn’t know Jin was against something.
//He goes through with it, and then gets icy to me because he didn’t want to.//
The tan body rolled to his side.
//How the fuck is that my fault?! If he wasn’t so damn up on being all spiritual and
mannered...maybe he’s really let go.//
A playful smile passed his lips as he opened his eyes.
//He screams, he cums...but his eyes. He’s still holding something back. I’ve fucked him retarded,
but never that soul shattering high...like when he fucked me. He’s still a wall of ice, even when
wet and dripping; it’s still a solid wall. Maybe it will never shatter. I still don’t know shit about
him, or what’s making him so weird lately. It’s that cathouse shit, but something else too...He’s so
quiet, even when he talks...//
He sat up, rubbing his hair, laughing slightly.
//But he’s still so damn sexy.//

- - - - -

“Watch it, will ya?!” An oafish man shouted at the pale form that ran into him.

His heart jumped, remembering the last time this happened. “M-my apologies.”

“Fuck you...bitch samurai...”

The ronin let the comment slide, he was too deep in thought over the woman’s message. Ignoring
the mans rants about dropped food, and wandering on. Feeling a little nauseous about the deja vu
of the day. Finding a tree on the outskirts of the town, he sat. Not realizing how far he had
walked.
//I really need to stop this, I’ll get lost...That will go over nicely.//
Sighing his eyes focused on his bracelet.
//How can someone not plan ahead? It’s lunacy...It goes against everything I believe...all
logic...yet...//
His mind flashed to the tan swordsman.
//I doubt he has ever planned anything in his life.//
He opened his eyes, just absorbing the movement and hustle around him.
//My body is nothing more than a vestal for other’s pleasure. I love Mugen, but...since that man,
I’ve found it so hard to enjoy it. I hate myself for it, but I’ve started to fake with Mugen. A few
moans and such...I don’t want to worry him, or worse, chase him off.//
Slowly he stood, feet moving again.
//How long can I keep denying myself his touch?//

Everyone gasped a little as a sudden rain storm began pouring down.

“Like I needed another sign...”

- - - - -

“This is bullshit...” Mugen stood in the doorway, as rain fell in heavy sheets.
//Hope they’ve got enough sense to get out of the rain...//

Not that he was worried about Fu, but Jin seemed to be haunting his mind. He remembered the
last time the ronin had gone missing and shivered, rubbing his bare arms. He was about to put on
his coat and go back inside, when blue caught his eye.

“Jin?! You baka, get in here!”

The wet form looked up, blankly. “Mugen?”

“C’mon, you trying ta kill yourself?! It’s freezing!”

A small smile crossed the shivering lips.
//Well, he’s certainly concerned.//
Taking his time, he was already soaked, he made it to the room. Ringing his ponytail before
stepping in the doorway.

“Haven’t you ever heard of a roof?”

“I had nowhere to be...” Jin stood in the doorway, dripping.

“You can wear this.” He held out his red haori. “Take those wet bastards off.”

Without saying anything he took the clothing, beginning to disrobe.
//Why do I feel so numb? I want to kiss him, to feel him...but...something keeps getting in the
way. What is this emotion?//

“The little bitch is still gone. This place only had two beds, so who knows what she’s doing.”
Mugen watched him carefully, noting the dazed like manner his love was moving in.

“Hnn.”

“There’s some food on the table, it was here when I got here.”

Jin let his hakama and undergarment fall, wrapping Mugen’s coat around his waist.

“Okay, how fucking long is this gonna go on?! You got a problem then spill it, or else I can’t do
anything about it.”

Jin sighed, carefully gathering his clothes, walking over to a corner. He haphazardly hung them to
dry.

“Jin?!” Mugen said in pure frustration.

The ronin continued his task, as if he never heard him. The Ryukyuian rushed over, grabbing his
wrist hard.

“Muthafucker, answer me!”

“I have no answer Mugen.” He turned shooting cold onyx eyes to him.

“Nothing’s wrong? You’re just being a dick then?”

“That is your opinion.”

“Maybe it’s me? You don’t wanna be with me then just say it, don’t fucking ignore me! I thought
you had more balls than that.”
Jin turned to face him, tightly wrapping his arms around the shocked form. “Mugen...it’s not
you.” He lay his face on the bare tan shoulder.

“Eh?” The tan one blinked in confusion.

“A lot of things are going on...in my head. I haven’t sorted them out yet myself, that’s why I have
no answer for you.”

“What kinda things?” Mugen began running his hand up and down the damp back.

Jin closed his eyes, laughing quietly. “Stupid things.”
//I wish I knew...//

“So? What is it?”

“...I don’t know. I...I don’t feel like my body belongs to me anymore. Heh, that’s insane but...it’s
the closest thing to a vocalization of it.”

Mugen looked down at the sweet, worried face. “Why do you feel like that?”

“I don’t know.”
//It was Kakuzo...and the brothel. I’ve never not been in control...even when I’m with Mugen, I
know I can say stop...They, they wouldn’t...//

“Jin?” Mugen noticed the ronin in his arms was shaking now.

“Can we not talk about it right now? Right now I wish only to be near you.”

“Yeah, sure.”
//Feelings aren’t exactly my thing anyway.//
He released his hold as Jin moved.

“Mugen?”

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me?”

Without responding, the mango lips pressed against the rose ones. As he deepened the kiss, he
carefully removed the leather band he bought; freeing the wet coal locks.

“Mugen...I love you...” Jin sighed, leaning his head back, as the tan ones kisses traveled to his
throat. “I’m so sorry I’ve been so-”

“Shh...just chill.” Mugen kissed him chastely, before sampling the delicious collarbone again.

//Relax? Sure...//
Jin tried to obey as he felt his lovers mouth gently surround his nipple.

//He’s like a damn tree, stiff as a log.//
Tan hands began rubbing the tense shoulders.
//What the fuck is going on?//

“Jin, this will never work if you don’t open up to me.”

The ronin raised an eyebrow, opening his eyes lazily.

“I can kiss and fuck you lifeless, but it won’t feel good unless you let go.”

“I let go for you.”

“Almost. I’ve got you a few times, but lately...it’s like I can’t reach you at all. Are you even
cumming as a release or out of what I’m doing to your body?”

The ronin blushed slightly. “What?”

“You can fuck an invalid and make them cum, but they don’t feel anything.”

“Mugen...” Jin looked away. “I enjoy what you do.”
//I’m just afraid to let go anymore. I know you would never hurt me, but-//

“I enjoy eating, sleeping, but it’s not enough to satisfy me as a whole.”

“I was satisfied until you stopped.” A thin eyebrow twitched, and he made a pouty face.

“Shit, you were as tense as Fu around a bra.”

“Then perhaps you need to remove my tension.”

“Yeah, but how?”

“Heh, your tongue?” The ronin smiled wickedly, looking away.

“Baka.” Mugen rustled the silky bangs. “I know that...is that all the tension thought?”
//Man, he’s dangerous when he smiles like that!//

Jin sighed. “For now.”

“Fine...Right now, it’s all about you. My tongue, ne? And where do you want it?”
//Looks like I’m getting nowhere tonight.//

Jin blushed slightly, biting his lip. “You know...that one thing.”

“Ohh...” Mugen played dumb. “You mean you want me to lick you ass?”

The look on the ronins face was like air for the tan one. Embarrassment mixed with want and lust.

“If you must make it sound so vulgar.”

“Not really a pretty way to say it.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Lay on your stomach.”

Jin felt his heart skip a beat as Mugen’s hands pushed him forward. No state of mine could change
the fact he loved sex with the Ryu-kyuian. Especially when he was the focus.

He tensed a little as the tan ones lips began kissing a slow, wet trail down his back. Taking a deep
low breath to still himself. Without further teasing, Mugen grabbed the pale mounds playfully,
beginning his forbidden kiss.

Instantly the ronin felt his pulse quicken. It was so soft, so intense and concentrated. Despite his
efforts a small sigh slipped through his bit lips.

//That’s it baby...let it go.//
Mugen began swirling his tongue rhythmically. Adding a teasing mount of depth.

“Uhh...damn you...” Jin smiled laying his head down on folded hands.

//Impatient are we?//
The swordsman inched in further, snaking slightly side to side. Reaching under to play with the
neglected sac.

“Mugen...” The ronin closed his eyes, allowing himself to melt into the thin mattress a little.
Arching his hips farther into Mugen’s control.
//It's so good, how could I not want this?//

Distracting the ronin with his ministrations, the tan one began sliding his free hand up to assist.
Easing his index finger inside the near panting form.

//I want to cum, I want to let go...//
Pale hands gripped at the bedding.
//Why do I still feel so anxious?//

Mugen poked around farther until he found what he was looking for.

"Ahh! Kuso..." Jin jolted, covering his head with his hands.
//It's doing it again...why?! I like this, why do I feel this way?!//

"Mmm, you sound so sexy." Mugen cooed, laying his face against the ronin's back, building a
steady circular rhythm.

"M-mugen...I-"

"You're gonna cum? I know, just relax." He sped up, adding another finger.

"T-that's not-"

"I said relax. Flow with it, let it build from deep inside you; until it explodes."

Jin uncovered his head, sitting up some.
//I can't take this, what is going on? I almost feel sick now...//
"Mugen, please..."

"That's it, beg for it."

As Mugen slid another finger in, hitting the spot, Jin yelped.

"Stop, stop now! Just stop...please!" The breathless ronin shouted, almost kicking the tan one,
scurrying away from him.

"Eh?" Mugen sat up, completely confused. He stared hard at the panting form, whose back was to
him. Awkwardly re-wrapping the haori around himself. "Mind telling me what the fuck just
happened?"

Jin covered his face with his hands, trying to still his rampaging heart and lungs. The
overwhelming sense of fear washing over him like a wave.
//Why? I don't want to feel this when I'm with Mugen...I trust him, I swear...//
The pale one jumped nearly out of his skin when he felt the warm hand on his shoulder.

"What the fuck is up with you?!" The Ryu-kyuian furrowed his brows in concern.

"I'm...sorry." He refused to turn around.

"For what? Fucking your own self out of an orgasm? I just want to know what's making you act
like this." Mugen took the pale chin into his hands, forcing the black eyes to meet his.

The ronin wasn't sure what sickened him more; not knowing what was happening to him, or
feeling like he was about to cry. "Thank you."

"For?"

"Stopping when I said stop." Jin crawled forward a little, holding on to Mugen’s waist.

"I know I don't usually say this shit, but talk to me...c'mon...say anything that's in your head, I
don't care. Even if it's about shoes, or food, or anything fucking thing."

//What do you have to lose? If you scare him off you scare him off. If you keep quiet he'll become
frustrated and leave anyway...//
"...I'm scared."

"Why?" Mugen wrapped his arms around him, as Jin buried his face against the tan chest.

"I'm afraid if I let my guard down it will happen again."

"What will happen again?"
//Is he talking about...that fat guy?//

"I mean what I say, I don't like it when people go against my wishes. I hate it when carefully
made plans become nothing more than a pile of ashes...when you're forced into something you
don't want."

"Look, if this is about the brothel...I really didn't know it bothered you so-"

"I screamed...I screamed, and begged, and cried like a woman. I've never done that ever, or
since..." He took in a shaky breath. "It...it hurt so much."

Mugen blinked a little before tightening his arms embrace. "Kakuzo?"

Just the mention of the mans name, the name he was forced to scream, made him shiver. "I'm
sorry, this is insane. It's none of your concern." Jin tried to sit up, but Mugen wouldn't let go.

"It makes you feel like a soul floating around in a cage...It's no longer a body, just some fleshy
shell after that."

Jin looked up at him, a little confused. "What?"

"I dunno. I mean, well I was kinda raped a few times in my life. That's how it made me feel...use
to at least. Until I decided fuck people, if they want to use you just use them back. Flesh is flesh,
and cash is cash. If one can get the other, then why not? There's always the pride thing too. 'Oh I
let this happen', or 'I couldn't do anything', but that's all bullshit. Anyone can be fucked, it's a scary
situation. Swords are useless if you're too freaked out to use them."

"I was tied up, or else I would have done something."

Mugen sat up some smiling at the serious face of his lover. "I know that. Ya know, that's part of
the reason you being on top was such an issue...but you're different. I love you."

Jin smiled weakly at him. "I love you too. You are different as well...that's what sickens me. I
know you would never hurt me, I know you won't take advantage of me in a distracted state.
But...ever since it happened, I've felt that way. When I had to work at the brothel it felt like being
raped all over again. I didn't want to do it, and no matter what I would have said...it was life or
death. I had to do it."

"Jin, I'm sorry. If I would have known you were going through this shit...I would have worked
extra guys, I wouldn't have let you do it." Mugen reached a hand out to stoke his face.

"Mugen, I don't want you to suffer because of me. We all racked up that gambling debt. It was all
our price to pay."

"You're scaring me. I've never seen your eyes looks so...defeated."

Jin looked away. "Is it really that obvious?"
//So much for keeping it hidden...//

"It's obvious that I should have made that fat bitch suffer a lot more before I offed him." The tan
one tried to smile.

"Can we just go to sleep?"

Mugen carefully watched the pale face as he nodded. Keeping his eyes on him as he crawled over
to the futon, curling up on his side.
//He's really freaked out...//
The tan one followed suit, making sure to get as close to his love as possible. Wrapping an arm
tightly around the small waist. He closed his eyes sighing and was about to try drifting off, when
he felt the form next to him begin to shake.
//Is he?!...//
"Oi? You okay?"

A muffled sound was his response, followed my a long sniff.

"It's all right...don't try to hold it in." Mugens slender hand began to soothingly rub the convulsing
back.

"I, I haven't cried in a l-long time." Jin rubbed his eyes, inwardly scolding himself for his lack of
control.

"Shh..."

Mugen closed his eyes, wincing mentally as each strangled sob escaped Jin's lips. The ronin
reached back and took the tan arm, holding it close to himself.
//I don't know what's happening Mugen...there's too many emotions coming at once. I don't know
what to do...//

"Shh...just let it go..."

"I'm so sor-"

"Shh..."

The ronin shivered as he let a few louder cries be voiced. In some strange way it was helping. He
had tried desperately to push all of this anxiety and turmoil down, deep down where he kept
everything else he regretted. However it seemed the more he tried the more it bubbled and grew in
power, each tear was like a thousand drops of rain on a desert floor. It took the edge off the
emotions that were making him feel closer to breaking at the seams.

The shaking form turned, and clung to the tan body. "T-thank you..."

"No prob." Mugen opened his eyes, glaring blankly at the ceiling.
//I wish I could bring that pig back, just to torture him to death! Anyone who causes him act like
this should die! Dammit this pisses me off so fucking much!//
He bit his lip to keep from growling, not wanting the ronin to get the wrong idea. He half
heartedly ran his fingers up and down Jin's shoulder.
//I let someone hurt him...I let someone make him fucking cry! How?! This whole thing is my
damn fault. If I wouldn't have acted like such an ass, he would have never walked off like that in
the first place. There's nothing I can do...//

Mugen continued to stare at the plain ceiling as Jin sobbed.

- - - - -

"There you are you jerk!"

Mugen fell to the ground, a sharp snap in the back of his head taking him down.

"The fuck?" He jumped to his knees whirling around, only to be met with Fu's angry face, sandal
in hand. "What the fuck is your problem?! You wanna die or something?"

"My problem?! Mind telling me why the woman at the restaurant won't let anyone in?"

He sweatdroped, rubbing the back of his head. "Heh, so?"

"You robbed the place! She said you ate almost everything they had and then skipped out on your
bill. The whole place is shut down for the day, it was the only vendor in town! What am I
supposed to do now?!"

"Easy...back off." Mugen got to his feet. "I had a lot to think about, I needed a distraction."

"And now your thinking, ne? What no brothels around?"

"Go to hell! I don't need any fucking whore, you got that?!"

Fu backed up a little at his murderous gaze. "S-sorry...I forgot...you and Jin...That's right, where
is Jin?"

"He's at the inn, sleeping."

Her face instantly paled. "Is he sick? What's wrong, he never sleeps in?"

"He's not sick, damn. I dunno," The lanky form crossed his arms behind his head calmly. "I think
he took his money and got hammered last night...fucking drunk."

"He's been spending an awful lot of money on alcohol. Do you think he has an addiction?" Fu
chewed her lip in thought.

"Shit, him? No way, he's way too uptight to be dependent on anything. You worry too much.
Anyway, let's get back to the inn, so we can get the hell out of this town and to somewhere that
has decent food. That place sucked."

The two began walking casually down the semi-busy street.

"It did kinda smell in there..." Fu sighed, holding her growling stomach.

- - - - -

The shuffling and voices grew louder and louder. A deep robust laughter and a 'shh'ing sound
pulled the pale one awake. Immediately he found his eyes refused to open, they ached, and felt
unusually hot. As he blinked trying again, he realized they were swollen almost shut.
//What?//

"You're gonna wake him up, shhh!" Fu whispered loudly, laughter still in her voice.

Recognizing the voice he forced himself to sit up, looking around sleepily.

"Good morning...well, afternoon." Fu sang, marveling in the disoriented form. "Looks like you
had a rough night."

"Fu." He sat up, trying to at least appear composed.

"What happened to your eyes?!" She crawled closer to him.

"Nothing..."

"You're eyelids are the size of sashimi! Were you drinking sea water?"

He shut his eyes, eyebrow twitching as a hand rubbed his temple. "What?"

"Nah he was probably drinking that cheap upper east beer. It aways taste salty, right?" Mugen
walked over, making a slight signal to the ronin.

He blinked but nodded. "Yes, that was it."

"Sheesh, you'd think with what we did to get the money, you'd have at least done something worth
while." Fu sighed, falling ungracefully on her butt, sitting.

Mugen watched the barely noticeable hitch in the ronin's breath, wanting to punt the girl across the
room for mentioning it. "Oi, why don't you go see if we can stay another night?"

"What?" She gawked at Mugen. "But you were the one who wanted to leave."

"I changed my mind, damn. Can you do it or not?" He scoffed, turning his nose up.

"I guess, I'll have to go over our money again..."

"Here ya go." Mugen plopped the cloth bag in her hands, pulling her up from the floor.

"Hey!"

"It's enough, I know it...just go, get lunch while you're out too!" He quickly pushed the resisting
form out the door.

"But-"

"See ya." Mugen undid the string, letting the straw mat fall to cover the entrance.

"Rrr...you jerk." The girl gripped the money huffing off angrily.

Only after he heard her leave, did the Ryu-kyuian sigh, finally breathing again.
//Good, now that she's gone for a while...//
His eyes traced the room to Jin, who sat eyes closed.

//Mugen must have covered for me, how careless of me to oversleep in her presence. It's bad
enough what you did last night, without everyone knowing you're weak.//
The ronin mentally beat himself up.
//I don't even remember how the night ended...I was crying and then-//

"Oi?"

The deep, husky voice snapped him from his thoughts. "Hnn?" He opened his sore eyes.

"Here..." The tan hand held a cold, wet cloth. "Lay back..."

"Mugen, I-"

"Just lay the hell back, puffy." He smiled running a hand through his hair.

Jin sighed, body feeling like laying back too, as he returned to the bedding.

"Close your eyes, this should bring down some of the swelling." He lay the cloth over said eyes,
smoothing it down some.

"Thank you."

Mugen looked lovingly down at the pale body.
//It scares me how much I love him...//
"You cried almost all night, that can't feel good to your eyes."

The ronin swallowed.
//I must have cried myself to sleep. That explains it.//
"You told Fu I got drunk?" He had to smile slightly.

"Heh, what was I supposed to tell her?"

"Thank you."

"You gotta stop thanking me. I know you don't want anyone to know...it's all right, I wouldn't
tell."

A pale hand reached around blindly, finding Mugen's and gripping it.
The Ryu-kyuian slowly stroked the coal bangs back, massaging the temples.

"You're probably tired. She should be gone for a while, you should sleep."

"Mmmhmm..." The idea was already in affect at the soothing touch and coldness. Only slightly
did his mind think he should get up and they should leave.

//He's so beautiful when he sleeps.//
"I'll wake you up when she's almost here, I'll look out."

He wanted to say okay, but the warm velvet curtain of sleep had already covered him.

- - - - -

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A gut wrenching scream filled the room.

“But darling, why do you scream?”

“Bastard!!” Jin screamed hoarsely through clenched teeth and the gag. Tears rolling from each
eye.

“You don’t like it?” Kakuzo raked the sharp long nails down the already bruised and marred
back.

“Stop!!” He clenched his eyes shut. Shrieking, black tinting his vision from the intensity.

The large man stepped back from the shaking pale one. He admired the sight of Jin tied, face
down on the bed. Back torn and bleeding from whip marks. His ass, legs, and thighs bore the
same deep lacerations.

“This won’t do. How can we play again if you don’t respond?” He smiled as he untied the gag.

The ronin choked; spitting and gasping for air, before throwing up on the bed.

“You shouldn’t appear so unclean, dear.” Kakuzo rubbed a bloody whelp.

“Ahh! Please!!” The ronin was broken. Hours of rape and torture snapping even his spirit and
determination. Laying face down in his own vomit.

“Say you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry.” He cried more from lowering himself to obeying. But the pain was unbearable.

Kakuzo let go. “That’s better.”

“Let me go...I won’t tell, please?” He begged, just wanting to die where his body wouldn’t be
defiled after death.

“I could never let you go. Not until I’m done with you, Jin...”

Jin...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Jin?” Mugen shook the pale one.
His eyes snapped open and he gasped.

“Woah, watch it. Hurry, Fu’s on the way.”

“W-what?” He looked around in horror as his heartbeat continued to make him pant.

“Fu.” Mugen narrowed his eyes, scanning the others mood.

“There was only a noodle cart, and we can stay till tomorrow morning...You’re still in bed?” Fu
looked up from her bag as she seen Jin on the futon, still only wearing Mugen’s haori.

“Uh...” He had no response, blinking dumbly. Mugen looked at him, same reaction.

“Well lazy, hungover ronin’s don’t get any food. At least get dressed before we eat.” She
narrowed her eyes, looking away, setting the food out.

Jin nodded standing a little unsteadily, exiting the room with his clothing.

“I know...” Mugen got up stretching. “Thinks he can loaf around all da-”

“All right, spill it!” She grabbed Mugen by the shoulders, shoving him into the wall.

“The hell?!” He looked at her in shock.

“You said Jin took his money and got drunk.”

“Yeah...”

“But when I counted it, all his was there. He didn’t spend a single bit. I used it to pay for the room
and food. So, what’s really going on Mugen?!” She loosened her grip, standing back.

“Shit, I dunno. He told me he got drunk, what can I help if it was a lie?”

“That wasn’t even a sentence!”

“Is something wrong?” Jin asked as he stepped into the room, appearing as usual.

Fu glared at Mugen. “Not at all.”

“Let’s eat!” The islander casually walked over to the food.

“Hold on, I’ll split it!” Fu ran to stop him, as he grabbed the largest container, downing it.
“Mugen, you jerk!”

- - - - -

Fu took a deep breath, trying to muster the courage. Jin could tell she wanted to say something,
her whole demeanor sang of awkwardness.

“Jin...are you sick?” Fu finally managed to get out, setting her bowl down.

The two sat silently in the room, Mugen saying he wanted to go for a walk.

He smiled slightly, to ease her fears. “No.”

“I know you didn’t get drunk last night. What happened? You didn’t spend any money...They
even had the oil you usually use on your sword. It’s not like you to pass up something like that.”

He looked down blankly at his half eaten food. Finding it a little amusing she noticed a trivial
detail like oil. “Mugen said that, not I. We got that money to pay the gang, I have no wish to
spend it otherwise.”

She blinked. “Oh...I thought he was lying.”

“I am sorry to have deceived you.”

“It’s okay.”
//Then what’s wrong?//

“Are we still headed to Nagasaki?”
//Of course we are...//

“Huh? Yeah...” Fu was deep in ponder about the pale one before her.

Something was wrong and Mugen was trying to cover it up.
//I should just make him tell me.//
But she knew how private Jin was, and decided it not the best approach. Suddenly Momo came
from her sleeve, hopping the table to sit on Jin’s arm.

He looked at it, a little startled, but eased and continued staring the soba down. The creature
mewed in a questioning way.

“Momo! Get back here, leave Jin alone while he’s eating!” She frowned maternally at the little
squirrel.

It mewed again, looking at the ronin, before jumping back into the sleeve home.

“ I’m so sorry about that.”

“I am quite use to your companion by now.” He offered her another weak smile. “Will you
excuse me?” He stood and walked out, not waiting for a real answer.

Fu smiled, use to his formalities by now. “You sense it too Momo?” She asked as he left.

A muffled mew of agreement came from the pink garb.

- - - - -

“Thanks.” Mugen placed a small vial in his sleeve, walking out of the store. As he stepped out, he
almost gasped seeing Jin at a small shrine.

//Please let these visions leave me. For all I have done, all that I rightfully deserve, I beg you to
take these. I will gladly suffer the others...Do not cost me Mugen, please...I cannot live without
him. I beg y-//

“Oi!” The tan one jogged loudly to him, breaking his prayer.

The ronin bowed, opening his eyes and looking at Mugen. “I did not think I’d see you here.”
//Let this be a sign everything will be okay...//

“Why’re you here?” Mugen looked around awkwardly at the inscents burning in the ronin’s hand.

“Air.” He tossed the stick into the metal tray, and began walking back to the inn.

“Me too.”
//Huh?//

- - - - -

When they got back, Fu was already in her room, sleeping. The two walked in quietly, Mugen
picking up the half done soba.

“You didn’t want it?”

“It was rather bland.”

The tan one shrugged, taking it down in two large swigs. Jin smiled at him, Mugen’s ability to eat
like Fu amazed him. And his ability to be sexy doing it.

“I got something today...”

“Hmm?”

Mugen fished the vial out of his sleeve, chucking it to Jin.

“What is this?” He eyed the dark green bottle carefully.

“Some kinda oil for massage, supposed to have some shit in it to help you relax...I dunno.” He
scratched his head awkwardly.

Jin raised an eyebrow. “This isn’t for me is it?”
//Why is he doing all this?//

Mugen rolled his eyes. “Whatever tightass, you’ll like it. I swear.”

“I’ve heard that before...”

“Have I ever failed to deliver?” His smile swam with challenge and lust.

“No.” Jin smiled back, knowing the tan one was right....to some degree.

“They lay on your stomach over there.”

Sighing more from exhaustion than defeat he obeyed. Taking a deep breath as he settled down.

“Think of it as being for her. If you’re a tense headcase, we can’t get her to Nagasaki.”

“How unusualy caring of you, Mugen.”

//How about I just fuck you instead?//
The tan one got positioned beside him. Easing the gi off, his eyes traced the scares carefully. But
he could not stand to look too much. It made him angry and full of need for revenge.

The ronin closed his eyes as a cold liquid dripped down his back. Firm, callused hands began
smoothing it over the milky flesh.

“You’re made of stone...c’mon this won’t work if you don’t calm down.”

“I’m trying.” He answered honestly, not aware he was tensing.
//Is it the feel of hands on my back? No...//

Mugen half growled, half sighed, using more pressure. Beginning to grow impatient.
//Dammnit, I thought this would work.//

As his hands moved over a large star shaped burn on his right shoulder, Jin shivered.
//Not again...not with Mugen...//

The Ryu-kyuian felt him draw up and removed his hands. “Fuck!” He flopped down to sit a few
inches away. “Are you trying to ruin this?! This is another time you’re not telling me what you
really want! Just say no next time, shit.”

Jin sat up on his knees. “It’s not like that.”

“Bullshit! You know what? I love you, but you can stay locked up in that head of yours! When
you’re ready to let me in, I’ll be back!”

“Wait, hold on...” He got up trying to grab the tan ones wrist. “Don’t leave!”
But the Ryu-kyuian shoved him off, exiting, mumbling about Jin being an asshole.

The ronin frowned, looking blankly forward in the silent room. Suddenly it was empty. He
opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t.
//Once again you’ve chased him away. Will he return this time?//
He dropped to his knees. “I can’t lose you.” He let his head lower. Knowing not only did Mugen
leaving affect him, but Fu’s fate. If he left for good, Fu may never find the samurai who smells of
sunflowers.

“Jin? Did you guys have a fight?”

The soft voice startled him, Fu stood in the doorway. Hair down, wearing a white robe.

“I’m sorry if we woke you.” He looked up, sitting properly.

“You didn’t. But Mugen throwing that sign at the wall did.” She entered the room.

“He was angry...”

“What happened?”

“You shouldn’t concern yourself. It’s nothing, he will return in the morning.” Jin rose to retrieve
his gi.

When he turned it was the first real time Fu seen the scars. The first time she had walked in on
them in the act, she had been too shocked to see.

“Did that happen when I was gone? That time...” The rosy lips pressed against her finger.

He knew instantly what she meant. “The older ones were from when we first met.”

“It looks like it hurt.”

A few images of the time with Kakuzo crossed his mind and he shivered. “I do not wish to speak
of it. I’m sorry you had to see them. It must look horrible.” He replaced his clothing quickly.

She smiled sadly as he turned around. “Nothing could ever be horrible on you.”

The comment caught him a little off guard. “You should return. If we must leave in the morning
we should sleep while we can.”

“I’m okay, if you are. I’m not very tired.”

“Fine then.” The ronin sat across from her.

Fu actually felt nervous. Jin was intimidating to her. So quiet and hard to talk to. But after seeing
his back, she felt the need to know more.
//Something like that had to hurt him in more ways than one. That was sickening...//

“You appear deep in thought...you really shouldn’t worry about Mugen. He will return after he
has calmed down.”
//I hope so...//

She smiled. “I’m not, but it sounds like you are.”

He blinked at her warm smile, before sighing. “This isn’t the first time I’ve pushed him away like
this.”

“It’s not?”
//Yeah, Mugen told me that day.//

“I shouldn’t be speaking about this...but the time you left, I had chased him away with my
demands.”

“I’m sure he played a part in it too.”

“Not really.”

Silence. Fu finally felt like she was getting somewhere. He had actually told her something..

“Why did he leave this time?”

Jin looked to his side, taking a struggled breath.
//Just tell her, it’s stupid anyway.//
“...He, he wished to give me a back rub. I reacted badly and it angered him...heh.” He had to
laugh at how comical it sounded.
//To lose him because of that...//
“But...” He continued looking at his hands. “I was not aware...I would feel the way I did.”

“How did you feel?”

He looked away, closing his eyes. “I doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does!” She sat up on her knees. “Reacting badly is throwing him across the room...what
did you do?”

//I don’t know.//
“I wouldn’t relax. He’s become hell bent on that. I don’t wish to say too much, but it reminded me
of something unpleasant. I did not know before hand, he assumed I did and was keeping things
from him...”
//You’re talking too much.//

//Mugen you asshole.//
“How can that be your fault?! I walk up on certain trees or flowers and get flashbacks. It’s not
like I know what’s gonna trigger them, before it happens.”

He gasped a little, staring at her.

“If anything this is his fault. He’ll realize it and come back, I know it.” Fu smiled as warmly as
she could.
//He looks so sad...and lost.//

He nodded.
//She is looking at me strangely.//

Silence.

“...The flashbacks...do they stop, eventually?” Jin asked, keeping his eyes low.

“I don’t know, not yet for me.” Fu sighed. “Are you having flashbacks about something? If you
can remember what they are showing you, I think they stop.”

“I remember all of it.” He swallowed. “Perhaps then they are more a memory than
flashback...dreams.”

“Jin...” The girl frowned. “I’m sorry. Can I ask what they are about?”

“Please don’t.”

More silence, the room seemed to echo the awkwardness, when Jin yawned slightly.

“Heh, if you’re tired I can go.” Somehow the yawn was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

“No. I don’t think I could sleep anyway.” His mind flashed to the dream earlier.
//This is all making me crazy.//

“Um, would you like to try the backrub again?”

“I don’t know.”
//It would be a chance to test something.//

“I don’t know any techniques or anything, but I could do something.”

“I couldn’t trouble you like that.”

“No way, lay back, it’s okay.” Her eyes lit up.
//Could I really get a chance to touch him?//

“If you insist.”
//I hope this isn’t a bad idea.//
Slowly he made his way back to the futon feeling suprisingly shy as he removed his gi. She stared
hard. Jin lay down, folding his hands under his chin.

“This all feels so stupid...” His mind told him to laugh, which scared him.

“It’s not. Now...let’s see.” Fu pressed her lips, noticing her hands were shaking.
//What did that guy do to him? Poor Jin...I don’t know what to do...//
Her eyes tried to take in the many wounds.

He closed his eyes as her hands began to work.
//So far so good.//

Fu had to smile a little, realizing what she was doing. She imagined this so many times, but now
the reality was clear. He loved Mugen, and she would never try to interfere with that. Then she
used her nails, lightly dragging them down his shoulders. The girl felt the form draw up.

“Fu...” His voice sounded rushed and breathless.

She blinked, removing her hands. “You want me to stop?”

Jin took a deep breath. “No, just the nails...please don’t use them?//
//You are insane.//

“Sure.”
//Damn, I’m already messing up.//
She returned using her palms on his lower back.

//So, as I expected. It’s not Mugen, or only males that trigger this.//
The thin brows furrowed.
//What is this?! Why can’t I escape this?//

“Maybe I should stop, you don’t seem to be enjoying it.” Fu backed up.

“You’re right, forgive me.”

“No, heh, it was Mugen’s idea anyway.”

As Jin replaced his gi, she stared awkwardly, picking up the fact he was shaking.
“So...I guess I’m going to go to sleep then.” She stood up.” I’ll see you in the morning.”

He put his hand to his throat, trying to find his voice. “Fu?”

“Huh?” She turned.

“Could you...sleep in here tonight?” He sat still, keeping his back to her.
//What a stupid thing to ask! You can’t bother her any more than you already have.//

“Of course. I kinda hate sleeping alone too...been kidnapped a lot, heh.”

The ronin let go of the breath he was holding. Feeling very thankful she agreed. Not that he was
afraid to sleep alone, he was more concerned about someone coming in. With Fu there, the
chances of her screaming and giving him time to attack, would save them both.
//What are you thinking?!//
His eyes were wide at his own thoughts.
//Now you’re becoming afraid of impossible scenarios?//

“Jin?” Fu sat very close to him, concerned when she got no reply.

He stared at her, having no idea what to say, or how to explain any of this. Just knowing he was
afraid, and needed someone’s help. As if sensing his turmoil, Fu went out on a ledge. She leaned
in, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Instantly he froze.

“Fu? What-”

“I’m sorry, when I see someone who looks like you do now, this is all I know to do.” She felt like
crying, too many times she had seen people hurt and could do nothing.

He remained still in her makeshift embrace fr a while before speaking. “I have no...idea what to
do...” The ronin spoke soft and low, almost a whisper against her shoulder.

“You don’t have to do anything.”

“...They just won’t go away...none of them.”

“Who?”

He laughed a little, eyes starting to sting. “I’m sorry...I don’t know what I’m saying.”

“You do...it’s okay. It’s him isn’t it? That guy who...attacked you that time.”

//What do I have to lose?/
Jin nodded, closing his eyes and shivering. “I’m sorry.”

“No no, don’t be. It’s okay...” Fu closed her own eyes as a few tears fought through. She stroked
the silky black hair smoothly.

“No..it’s not okay. I shouldn’t be acting like this...this is why Mugen said I was an uke...” He still
couldn’t bring himself to move from her arms.

Fu laughed. “No it’s not. Everyone has to feel, or else you’re not human. Why do you think
Mugen gets pissed so much? Hell he acts more like a woman than you. He stalks the room,
complaining and grumbling, when you’re gone. He starts fights with anyone who looks at
you...Feeling like this doesn’t make you a bitch, heh.” She seriously hoped he wouldn’t take
offense.

“I’m not use to talking like this...In fact I don’t think I’ve ever done it before...except with
Mugen.”

“If you’re having flashbacks of a brutal rape and horrible things I can’t imagine.” Fu closed her
eyes. “ Then that is perfectly normal...anyone else wouldn’t have survived. The fact you’ve kept
all that inside for so long, just shows how strong you really are.”

He sat up, looking at her in shock. “How did you know...that he-”

“Mugen told me. He was really upset the first day I came back. He told me everything, heh even
stuff I didn’t need to know.” She rolled her eyes, trying to shake it off. “But...he only told me
because he was afraid you would die. He’s very afraid of losing you, that’s why you shouldn’t
worry about upsetting him. Even if you stabbed him, he’d come back.” She smiled.

“Then you know that I am defiled now...” He held onto the collar of his gi, looking at the floor
blankly.

“Jin...I know that someone evil hurt someone I care for very bad; and the one I care for won’t let
anyone know how bad...Right?”

He shut his eyes nodding.
//Now she speaks to me as if I were a child...why am I doing this?//
His spirit told him ‘because you have nowhere else to turn’.
“It taught me things about myself I never knew...it taught me fear...and submission. Unlike I have
ever known.”

“I’m sorry.”
//It broke you in other words.//

“I...I don’t know how I can ever be the same.” His voice cracked a little, and he lowered his head.
//Baka.//

“But you are the same...he just hurt your body. Only you can control your soul.”

Her words felt empty to him, and he knew he was about to do something he would regret. He
never wanted Fu to ever see this but he couldn’t help it. Holding his hand up shakily to cover his
eyes, he let out a small sob. Quickly removing his glasses, and covering his face with his hands.

Fu bit her lip. She had never seen Jin like this before, it scared her. If this was how he felt, how
could she ever hope to help? He was the strongest of all of them in her mind. If he was snapping...
But watching his shoulders shaking helplessly, she regained her sense of loyalty. To help someone
who had saved her life many times...

“It’s all right.” She crawled forward, returning her arms around him. “I’m so sorry you had to
suffer like that, but it’s okay now.”

“Fu...” He almost squeaked, leaning against her. “I’m so afraid I’m going to lose Mugen. I don’t
know how, but he is all that I can think about...I love him. He is my everything now, but...if I
cannot conquer these new feelings I will drive him further and further away.” He took a breath,
trying to calm himself. “I don’t care what happens to me, I just don’t want to lose him...”

Fu sat up. “You won’t. I promise. This is all going to be okay somehow. Mugen understands
more than you think. He just deals with stuff differently. He’s coming back...Okay?” She
loosened her hold, trying to smile through her quivering lips.

He nodded, sitting up as well. Wiping his eyes on the backs of his hands. “Heh.” He looked
nervously to the ground.

“I think we should try to sleep, Mugen knows where his bed’s at.” The girl stretched, yawning.

“Yes.” He took another breath, feeling like a little of his burden was gone. At least now someone
knew he wasn’t crazy.
//Hopefully not crazy...//

- - - - -

END CHAPTER ONE
TO BE CONTINUED...