I Live For You

Okay, here's another story. That was quick wasn't it?

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Chapter One – Idiot To Asshole

Shuichi (POV)

It’s been three years since Yuki broke up with me. Well, he didn’t actually break up with me. He threw me out after one of our arguments, and I never went back. I finally had enough of the cold-hearted bastard.

It’s weird, whenever I used to go to Hiro’s after Yuki threw me out, I always said that I was going to break up with him, and Hiro would laugh. He said I didn’t have the guts to break up with Yuki.

I was in shock that my best friend would say that to me, so I never spoke to him again. The night I left, I caught a plane to America and that’s where I’ve been for the last three years.

Unfortunately my life is completely screwed up. I thought I could make it on my own, but I was wrong. I fell in with a bad crowd and started taking drugs. At first it was only pot, but then I started taking some harder stuff.

I’m addicted to cocaine, ecstasy, and I’m a damned alcoholic. I’m also addicted to cigarettes. My personality has also changed. I don’t bounce around, and I’m not a whiny baka anymore.

But I don’t think I’ve grown into something I like. I actually hate what I’ve become. I started cutting myself about a year ago, and I can’t stop. Every time I think about my shitty life, I get depressed and cut myself. It makes me feel alive, seeing my blood pour out of a cut. I have about twenty on each arm, and about thirty on each leg. I even have a few on my chest.

My dress sense has changed dramatically also. I never wear bright colours anymore. I live in black. Mostly black jeans, and long T-shirts, or shirts to hide my cuts. My once pink hair is also black.

I have black wing tattoos on my shoulders, and a dragon on my arm. I have my ear pierced twice, my tongue, my eyebrow, and my left nipple. Man…that hurt like fuck.

I live in an apartment with three other guys. They’re bastards, but they’re a laugh. We’re in a band together called Angels of Death. We haven’t got a record deal, but we don’t actually want one. We play in clubs, and we love it.

So for three years, I’ve basically fucked up my life. I don’t talk to any of my friends back in Japan. I still keep in contact with my family, but I hope I never have to go back. I don’t think my parents would be able to take my appearance. But I don’t care. I’m 24 years old now. I can do what the fuck I like.

When I first arrived in America, Tohma tracked me down, but I always managed to give him the slip. I’ve become very crafty and stubborn. I don’t want to dwell on my past. That’s where it’s going to stay.

But you can’t run away from your past. It always finds you and bites you in the ass when you least expect it.

As I’m in my room, working on some lyrics, my cell phone rings. I don’t bother to check the caller ID, only my family know my number.

“Hello.” I answer in English.

“Shuichi, it’s mom.”

“Hey mom, what’s up?” I ask, reverting back to my native tongue with ease.

“Honey…I have some bad news…” I hear her voice crack, and she starts sobbing.

“Mom, what is it?” I ask, getting worried, my heart beating a mile a minute.

“Give me the phone, I’ll tell him…” I hear my dad say in the background. “Shuichi. There was an accident… and you’re sister was killed.”

“Oh Kami-sama…” My voice cracks and I break down. This is the first time I’ve cried since I left.

“The funeral is in two days, you will come wont you?”

“Of course I will dad…I’ll catch the first available flight, I’ll call you soon.”

I hang up the phone and let out some heart wrenching sobs. The door to my room opens, and Alex walks in.

“Shuichi, what’s the matter?”

“My sister’s dead…”

Alex holds me as I cry. He just sits with me until I finish.

“I have to pack. I need to get back to Japan.” I say as I pull away from him and start packing my bags.

“I’m sorry Shuichi.”

I smile at him, and take the joint offered to me. After a few drags, I feel my body start to relax…man, this is good stuff. Alex leaves me to it. I phone the airport and manage to book a flight that leaves in an hour and a half.

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After saying goodbye to the guys, I caught a cab to the airport just in time to catch my flight. I start to feel nervous, an emotion I haven’t felt for three years. I hope I don’t have to see anyone I know. But I know I will. Hiro knew Maiko, so he’ll be at her funeral.

It’s weird, even though I cried for the first time earlier, it’s like I haven’t got any tears left. I ran out of those along time ago. I snort. No wonder I haven’t got any left. I was always crying over something when I was with Yuki.

Just thinking about him is making my heart race, but I’ll never go back to him. Even if he proclaimed his love for me, and walked across hot fiery coals for me. I never want to feel vulnerable again.

That part of my life is over and I can never go back. Maybe it’s time I forgive Hiro and patch up our friendship. I miss Hiro so much. But I doubt he’ll like the person I’ve become. Hell, even I hate me.

This is going to be one long flight, so I close my eyes. I might as well catch up on my much-needed sleep.