The Bad Adult Anime Fanfic

Summary: A parody of what really hacks me off in fanfic. What do characters do when they know they're stuck in a badfic? Parody, Inc, n/c, M/F, M/M, F/M+, M/F/F, F/F, Tent, Mpreg, UST, VOY, WIP, WAFF.

General Disclaimer: I do not own any of the fandoms portrayed in this series of stories, but I do wish my fellow writers would be more organized on these fandoms.
Chapter disclaimer: I own nothing! (1) Well, I own Marty Stu, but nothing else.

A/N: This parody is to show what really hacks me off in badfic. The main points will be footnoted with numbers thus: (1) we've already had one. The only recurring character will be an obvious Marty Stu named (of course) Marty Stu. I will take a trip into some of the fandoms that I'm familiar with, and tear them to shreds, just like badfic writers do. It's a parody, remember that.

Chapter I: In U what!?

He stood at the side of the well. This bishonen man was everything a woman could ever want in a man. He was clad in the latest fashions and sported an indestructible katana that he wielded expertly. In fact, anything he did he was better at than anyone else was. He was so perfect it made the average person want to puke. Every female wanted him and every male wanted to be him. His name was Marty Stu. (2)
Marty Stu traveled from world to world helping out whom he could. In his wake, he left a mess of defeated bad guys and broken-hearted women. He had fallen down a well in Tokyo and ended up in a strange land. He could have teleported back, but he felt he had to help someone here.
InuYasha and Kagome had, at best, an I hate you/I like you relationship. Well, that all changed when Marty Stu bamfed in. (3)
"Hi there. I'm Marty Stu. What's the problem here?" Marty asked. Kagome immediately went into a swoon.
"Oh my... he is HAWT!" Kagome said. "Normally I'd want to kick his ass, but since this is a badfic, I'll be demure and submissive just like all badfic writers make me."
"So, I see you have the Tetsusaiga, InuYasha. So who got it for you?" Marty Stu asked.
"What the hell are you talking about?" InuYasha asked.
"Well, the Tetsusaiga had a spell on it saying that no person except your one true soulmate could remove it from its resting place in your father's grave." Marty Stu said.
"Well, in normal canon I'd ask you how the hell you knew that, especially since you've never been in our world before. However, since this is a badfic, we'll just let that gigantic plot hole lie." (4) InuYasha said.
"Wait a minute. I removed the Tetsusaiga. Are you saying InuYasha and I are soulmates?" Kagome asked.
"Nope. You just said it." Marty Stu replied. (5)
"Well, normally I'd get all mad and start yelling at you, but since this is a badfic, I guess I'll just stay submissive! Kagome and just smile." Kagome said as she smiled.
Suddenly Sesshumaru entered, and looked angry. "Brother, your time has come! Submit yourself to me!" He then pounced on top of him and tore off his tunic. (6) "I'm going to do you good!" Sesshumaru said.
"You know, normally I'd be fighting Sesshumaru and trying to save InuYasha, but since this is badfic, I'll just stand by and look horrified since I'm just submissive! Kagome." Kagome said.
"Normally I wouldn't allow my brother to rape me, but since this is badfic, I guess I have to submit to this act of incest." InuYasha said. He bent over and took Sesshumaru's cock into his ass.
"Hey, shouldn't we lube up first? After all, the anus doesn't produce natural lubricant." InuYasha asked.
"Well InuYasha, you get a choice here. We've got sour cream and chive dip, peanut butter, dried coffee, glue, or bamboo shoots." Marty Stu replied. (7)
"What the hell kind of choice is that!?" InuYasha asked.
"Only the kind found in bad fanfics." everyone else replied simultaneously.
"Well fuck. I'll take the sour cream and chives dip. At least that has some semblance of being a fluid." InuYasha said.
Sesshumaru put some of the dip on his cock and then shoved it back up InuYasha's ass.
"Hey Mr. Marty Stu, aren't you supposed to be saving the day?" Kagome asked.
"Oh, well, my author, quamp, did a survey about what kind of Marty Stu was the most annoying. Everyone agreed that the bratty! wangsty! Marty Stu was the worst. So you have to beg me to help as I dive into some pretentious wangst." Marty Stu said.
"Oh please, Marty Stu-sama, you've got to stop this." Kagome said as Sesshumaru came inside InuYasha's ass.
"A bit late for that." Sesshumaru said. He merely walked away.
The next day, InuYasha felt queasy inside his stomach. Therefore, he and Kagome went to the doctor with Marty Stu.
"In real life, I would be severely traumatized by that raping by my brother, but since this is bad fanfiction, I can just shrug it off." InuYasha said. (8)
"That description of them fucking was totally lame-ass." Kagome said. "I'll be damn glad when I can get out of this bad fanfic." she added.
Marty Stu followed them over to the doctor's office. They got to see the doctor immediately.
"Boy, something like that would never happen in real life." Kagome noted. After doing a thorough examination, the doctor pulled InuYasha, Kagome and Marty Stu aside.
"You are now pregnant, InuYasha." The doctor announced. (9)
"What the fuck!?" InuYasha asked.
"Well, a fic that encompasses most of the most popular fanbrat devices has to have a guy get Mpreg." Marty Stu announced.
"I just hope I don't have an assbaby." InuYasha said. A brief silence followed. Marty Stu looked very uneasy and sweatdropped.
"You don't mean - Oh God NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" InuYasha screamed.
"Would you rather it burst out of your chest a la Alien?" Marty Stu asked.
"I'd rather be out of this stupid fanfic! Wasn't it bad enough that I got raped by my own brother!?" InuYasha shouted. "Why couldn't you have made me dreamboat! InuYasha like those other badfic writers do instead!?"
"Because I'm Marty Stu, not Mary Sue. She's my sister." Marty Stu said. "Besides, you're asshole! InuYasha. That's even worse."
"God damn motherfucking asshole!" InuYasha said.
"Would you rather be mowing the lawn again?" Marty Stu asked.
At that, they left the doctor's office and walked home. Once there, Miroku, Sesshumaru and all other guys in the InuYasha cast were there.
"Bukkake on Kagome!" Miroku shouted. Everyone undressed and Kagome lay down.
"You know, in normal canon, I'd be kicking your ass for suggesting this Miroku. God, I hate being submissive! Kagome." Kagome said as the guys started masturbating. They pulled on their stiffening rods until they got hard. Moaning abounded from the guys as they pulled their pork. Kagome merely lay naked and sighed. "Why do I have to be so freakin' OOC?" She sobbed.
"Because this is a badfic." The guys responded in unison.
Kagome sighed. "I should have seen that one coming." She said.
The guys masturbated and then finally came one at a time. Miroku came first on Kagome's shoulder. By the time they were done, Kagome was covered in jism.
"I want a regular shower now!" She shouted. Kagome stood up and rushed into the bathroom.
"You know, in badfic, a woman would have enjoyed that." Miroku noted.
"We had to give her one concession to get her to do this." Marty Stu replied.
Later on, Marty was helping the very pregnant InuYasha around with Kagome. He was smoking a cigar.
"Aren't you worried about hurting your unborn child with that cigar?" Marty Stu asked. InuYasha responded by blowing smoke in Marty Stu's face.
"I fucking HATE being male and pregnant!" InuYasha said. He felt like a drunken walrus waddling around.
"Just think of the little bundle of joy you're going to give birth to." Marty Stu said.
"HI THERE!" Kagura said as she came in. "Say, we've got a hot new hunk here!" Kagura raced over to Marty Stu and glomped him. The two fell to the ground, and Kagura was on top of Marty Stu.
"Oh man, you are so HAWT!! C'mon and kiss me here!" Kagura said.
"What the hell? Kagura is nowhere near that slutty!" InuYasha said.
"This is a badfic. Kagura is always slutty in badfics." Marty Stu replied.
"You know, in canon, I'd kick your ass for turning Kagura into a slut like that. However, since this is a badfic, I'll just remain submissive! Kagome." Kagome said.
InuYasha merely grabbed Marty Stu by the shoulders and pulled him away from Kagura.
"Aw, c'mon, InuYasha!" Kagura whined.
"This is all your fucking fault! You're the author disguised as a character, and you got me into this mess!" InuYasha said. "Kagura, you are not a slut in cannon! You don't fall in love with the writer!"
"Not completely true. I am an idealized version of the writer. The actual writer appearing in this story would be a self-insertion." Marty Stu said.
"This fucking sucks!" InuYasha screamed at Marty. Then InuYasha felt the baby start to come. Marty Stu bamfed him and Kagome to the doctor's place. They had InuYasha put into a comfy bed and prepped him for birth. When they had finished, InuYasha was grimacing in pain.
"I wish we were in canon here!" He shouted. Marty Stu, Kagura, the doctor and Kagome stood by, watching. Kagura was all over Marty Stu like a cheap suit.
"This is like watching a nasty train wreck. I don't want to look, but I can't stop myself." Kagome said.
"THAT'S NO FUCKING COMFORT!!" InuYasha screamed in pain.
"Ooh, kiss me now, you hot hunk whose name I do not know and I would never have anything to do with normally." Kagura cooed into Marty Stu's ear.
The baby's head popped out of InuYasha's ass. He screamed in pain.
"This is like passing a fucking mansion!" He shouted hoarsely.
The rest of the baby came out. InuYasha gave birth to a son. He was moved to tears. The tears of joy from Kagome, that is.
"Oh... he's just sooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!" Kagome said.
"Good. You raise him." InuYasha said.
"What? How can you say that about your own son!?" Kagome asked.
"What do you expect? I'm asshole! InuYasha. He reminds me of my brother raping me. I'm out of this!" InuYasha said.
"Sit, boy! If I have to suffer through this crapfic, so do you!" Kagome said. InuYasha found himself kissing the dirt.
"Fuck." was all InuYasha could say. "I was lying on a bed and somehow I got thrown to the floor."
Marty Stu wisely bamfed out at this point.
"Man, that royally sucked, and I didn't even get to have a pretentious wangst speech." Marty said. "I really wanted Kagura too."

A/n: I want 3 rave reviews before I publish Chapter 2! It'd hurt my feelings if you don't review! 1!!1! Me wants reviews!1!!!!111!ONETHOUSANDONEHUNDREDELEVENTYONE!!!11! *Wants reviews* (11)

(1) WAFF. This fic doesn't really give a WAFF, but that's one of my peeves. Some badfic writers promise stuff and don't deliver. The disclaimer is just bad. That says you are lazy. When I see this, I think "does that inlcude a brain?"
In addition, don't you find the "Summary inside" thing very annoying?
(2) Obvious Marty Stus (or Mary Sues) are just so damn annoying! I think in real life nobody would like a Marty Stu.
(3) Marty Stus/Mary Sues that bamf in to save the day are just stupid. It's also not in character for Kagome to go "He is just so HAWT!" OOC, sadly, will be a recurring theme here.
(4) It's damn annoying when an author doesn't explain a plot hole this big, isn't it?
(5) *rimshot* *Crickets chirping* Little is worse than a joke that just isn't funny.
(6) Who's tunic? We'll never know because of the ambiguous language. Not only that, The other manages to have sex somehow without removing his clothing.
(7) What a horrible choice of lubes! The best lubes are petroleum-based products. Peanut butter, sour cream and chives dip and bamboo shoots go in the mouth, not the other end! (O.k., I admit I got the list from a different message board.)
(8) Rape is a very serious crime. It hurts us all. My mother was raped about 25 years ago. Sometimes she will still wake up screaming about it at night. A study I once read stated that not only did the rape victim suffer decreased mental capacity, so did the rapist. It saddens me that everyone takes it so lightly and is pretty blasé about the consequences around here. Oh, and the lame-ass description of the sex is another peeve of mine.
(9) I don't care how much you fangirls want to inflict the pain and suffering of menstruation and/or pregnancy on guys, MEN CAN NOT AND NEVER WILL BECOME PREGNANT!! End of story! Mpreg stories are a dime a dozen out there!
(10) Cigar/cigarette smoking is EVIL!! O.k., some characters can get away with it, but during a pregnancy (even a male one) that's just bad. In addition, Kagura is NOT this slutty!
(11) I really don't care whether you review or not, but every bad fanfic has to have some kind of whiny plea for reviews at the end of the first chapter.