Missing Sanity

Hello Assassins Kiss here and I wanted to put up this story so badly that I broke my promise to myself… I had promised myself that I wouldn’t put up any new stories until I finished some of my old stories but I couldn’t help it. Anyway what I wanted to say is I don’t own Fruits Basket and this story is mine.

I’ve fallen in love with the concept of Haru and Kyo together so this is their story. I will probably end up deleting this on the March 31st but until then I hope you enjoy.


Also Kyo’s memories come in random spurts so sorry if it seems confusing when you can’t untangle his memories from his reality. The song in this fic is ‘Missing’ from Evanescence, which fits Kyo’s circumstances perfectly. Oh well I hope you like it and if you want this to continue then review lots.

Missing Sanity

‘Drip…’

‘Drop…’

‘Drip…’

‘Drop DRIP drop…’

No matter how he tried to squeeze his eyes shut and curl his body into a tighter ball, it could not silence the sound. The constant dripping that drummed down insistently on the tin roof, amplifying the storm raging on outside. It seemed to drain him with each explosion of water resonating through the air into his very bones.

The howling and whistling of the wind crashed violently through the trees and eased its fingers into his cage. A splatter of rain fell onto the dirty floor before changing direction to beat at the other side of the prison. Part of him vaguely wondered, as his cage shivered and groaned, if it would lift him up and take him away.

Away from these dirty walls that barred him from the world outside. It was frightening being truly alone like this. All those other times he sought out sanctuary when he was living with Shigure were never truly being alone. He had always known when he climbed onto the roof or trained in the woods that there were people waiting for him at home. But now… now he only had the ghosts of past cats like him keeping him company through his days. Knowing that he wouldn’t be the first or last that would suffer, this fate of his was irksome to say the least.

Bruises and cuts littered his shivering body as he sat in his little corner trying to draw his knees closer to himself. His body had started to lose weight a week or so ago at his lack of motivation to eat or move around. He had given up training a while back, when he realized that training would be pointless when he had no chance of challenging Yuki again.

No he just sat there with his stomach growling at him in protest. This noise had become the only slightly comforting sound in the usually quiet cage that was his home… the only companion. He didn’t even bother to consider his weekly visitors that came to jeer and add new bruises to his growing collection.

Chin resting on his knees, he eased his eyelids open slowly, crimson orbs the color of drying blood stared drowsily ahead of him. Sleep was insistent on dragging him down and he would have gladly allowed himself to fall except for the rain. It was as if the heavens had ripped open to shower tears of pity over Kyo’s already tearing soul.

His fingers slowly fumbled in his cargo pants for the razorblade that he now kept, a graduation present from Akito. A bitter smile glided onto his lips as he danced the blade across his fingertips, barely wincing when it nicked him occasionally. The cold blade would at times illuminate when lightening flashed through the barred windows.

“I’ll give you something useful,” he murmured to himself remembering the words that Akito had breathed into his ear as he was taken away. ‘He has said nothing but the truth,’ he thought bitterly to himself. He stopped playing with the razor to glide the unusually sharp blade across his forearm. The line of blood blossomed from his paling flesh as he tried to focus on the pain.

Anything was better if it kept him from thinking about the memories that washed over him, leading him up to his current home. His reality seemed to slowly meld with his dreams and memories as the days ticked slowly by. ‘They didn’t even protest for me… only Tohru and Kagura,’ he thought vehemently, his eyes slowly filling with angry tears.

Please, please forgive me,
But I won’t be home again.
Maybe someday you’ll have woke up,
And, barely conscious, you’ll say to no one:
"Isn’t something missing? "

His fingers found themselves resting his razor down on the ground, so his fingertips could skim over his black and white rosary beads encircling his tan wrist. He remembered too clearly how his mother insisted on checking them everyday. Sometimes once or twice a day, no matter what season, she rolled up his sleeve to look at the simple beads.

‘I love you sweetie… I want you always to be close to me… No I don’t think you should go outside… Ignore them sweetie, they are only jealous cause I have you,’ she murmured these words sweetly, like a mantra.

He knew that he was different even at a tender age. Hell he even knew that a lot of his cousins were different. But he was the most unusual of them all as others soon came to bluntly point out. And although he knew this… he had always wondered what he did wrong to deserve such treatment at being chosen as the ‘monster.’

‘Was it that I upset God in another life? Or was it that I had a distaste for leeks? Because if that was all it was then I’m willing to change,’ he had found himself thinking this over and over again. Wanting to prove himself to the Sohma family so that they could accept him. But he wasn’t even really sure if his mother accepted him.

‘Was she lying when she said she loved me? I mean if she really loved me why did she have to check my wrist everyday. Was I so much of a monster that even my mother had to lie to me?’ he thought to himself bitterly.

He wanted to rip off his beads and watch the hard, little black and white spheres fly across the room. He yearned to hear the sound of them knocking against each other and the dirt floor before they lost their momentum. But then he too hated what he became when he took those beads off.

The look of horror and disgust on people’s faces were as clear as day as he transformed into that vengeful spirit. At the thought he buried his fingers into his orange hair that was slowly growing out from lack of a haircut. Fingernails biting into his head as he tried to ignore the memory of his mother’s funeral.

Of the loud whispers murmured from person to person as he stared at his mother’s urn. ‘That is mommy,’ he thought vaguely, not able to picture it fully. How could someone who had called him her special guy… who hummed to him when he was sleepy and made him cat shaped rice balls be a bunch of ashes? No matter how he tried he could not grapple with the situation, not now and not then when he was a small boy.

“He’s the one who killed her… Poor thing to live with a monster like that… They should just put him in the cage early… Look he’s not even crying for her.” He could hear the voices of yesteryears echoing in the room so that he had to wordlessly murmur his protests.

His teeth sunk into his bottom lip as he rocked violently back and forth, trying to keep the tears at bay. ‘I didn’t mean to do it mommy… I didn’t mean to kill you,’ he thought as tears spilled down his cheeks. His ears filled with the sound of the world crying along with him.

You won’t cry for my absence, I know –
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?

And as his thoughts tried to pull away from his mother they fell on thoughts of his old home. Knowing that while the wind howled and the rain beat against the walls Tohru should be serving Shigure and Yuki's dinner right about now. Her ditzy, little smile in place on her face before it was taken over by a worried look at the fact that the damn rat’s ‘secret base’ may be in danger.

She would probably try to venture out in the howling rain if Yuki didn’t kindly stop her. His politeness grating on Kyo’s nerves as the only one that really loved him, other then his Shishou fell more in more in love with his enemy.

‘Yes… I know you will get over me Tohru…’ he thought bitterly.

Even with the tears she shed. Even as he was being slowly led away he watched as she drew close to Yuki for support. Her arms, wanting to wrap around Yuki to be comforted by him, were only kept still because of the curse. And he could feel his heart breaking… Why couldn’t they see it as they silently watched him being taken away?

Would they even notice how quiet it was without him there? Would they thank Akito for the peace that now settled over the house because the accursed cat wasn’t there to argue with Yuki? That there was no immediate demand to get milk because he couldn’t live without it now that he was gone. They needn’t worry about whether to serve leeks or not. The house wasn’t victim now of falling apart at Kyo’s failed attempts to fight the damn rat or escapades to escape Kagura, now that he didn’t roam its halls.

Even though I’d be sacrificed,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?

He can vaguely remember himself feeling bitter as he looked at his fellow classmates. Some shifting nervously as they turned in their chairs to see their parents and family members, waiting proudly to see them walk across the stage. He could even remember an eye or two turned curiously towards him at the bitter look he wore as they waited one by one to receive their diplomas on the nicely cropped lawn of the school.

“Cheer up Kyon Kyon," chirped a male classmate happily.

"Yeah cause this is our big day. Can you believe we’re graduating?” came yet another male voice.

"Tch I was pretty sure you wouldn't have made it..." trailed off the first voice before letting out a squeak.

Kyo could only roll his eyes as one friend put another in a headlock, muttering threats until he looked away. But then all of a sudden they all decided to converge on him to muss up his hair. They laughed, amused as their grumpy friend scowled at them thinking it all in fun to tease him just a bit.

“Shut up alright! My name isn’t Kyon Kyon and of course I know what day it is,” growled Kyo, batting their hands out of his hair. He had dreaded this day coming but had found as his time as a free man came to an end that it didn’t matter. That he could never beat the fucking rat in time to save him from his miserable fate was undeniable.

“Oh whose a grumpy kitty cat,” cooed Uo mockingly as she pat his head like he was a young child. She had even tried to pinch the fiery zodiac's cheeks but Kyo had barely managed to weasel out of that one.

“Damn Yankee I’m not a—” began Kyo in irritation. ‘How the hell am I suppose to dwell on my fate if they keep trying to comfort and tease me,’ he thought bitterly, his ruby red eyes flashing with anger.

“Shut up you stupid cat and sit down properly,” snapped a voice in irritation.

He found himself turning in his chair to glare at Yuki behind him who said that. Not only was that dumb rat the president of their class but he was also the fucking class valedictorian. He had gladly tuned out his speech that the gray haired mouse had been writing for the past month or so. No his thoughts were on the here and now and how, because of Yuki, he was going away.

His hands balled into fists imagining already how he’d like to wipe that smile off of Yuki’s face. His movements froze only because he saw something ahead of him catching his attention. Those demonically dark eyes were watching him in mild amusement. The promise of total damnation locked in the dark orbs of one Akito Sohma as he sat there with Hatori, an occasional cough coming from his pale lips.

Please, please forgive me,
But I won’t be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
Shudder deep and cry out:
"Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me? "

His thoughts were scattered and sporadic as he zipped from memory to memory. One minute zeroing on a moment with Shishou, the next minute zooming out to a fight with Yuki. Sometimes the memories lasted for a few seconds or other times it stretched out; honing on one particular event like his departure.

Kagura was crying then… he remembered how she hugged tightly to that dumb backpack of hers; the one that she had created with her own hands with the red buttons for the orange cat’s eyes. He had always teased her about having that around with her but at that moment… at that moment he did something uncharacteristic.

He had drawn her into a hug and muttered something along the lines of, ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t love you like you wanted me to.’ The slight brush of his lips against the soft flesh of her cheek gone in an instant before he quickly followed Akito. There was no use in upsetting the God at the beginning of his prison stay so he didn’t even bother. Didn’t even notice how Kagura stood their frozen, tears leaking from her eyes as she breathed his name softly under her breath.

Shigure was a vague memory, as he stood there not saying anything. The laughter and mischief in his eyes were gone for the moment as he watched his charge enter that black car. He watched silently as Kyo swung his pack over his shoulder with a few books, a bento box of rice balls from Tohru and some other things over his shoulder.

Hatori was in the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel as he looked stoically ahead. He knew the dragon tried to tune out what was going on. Tried to ignore both Tohru and Kagura, sobbing as Yuki tried to murmur comforting words to the both of them.

And Haru… Haru, he didn’t even know how he ended up at Shigure’s house. But all he did was look vacantly ahead like he always did. He had ignored that as he clutched a useless roll of paper in his free hand. Kyo might as well have thought of it as the deed that had sealed his fate but it was in fact his diploma.

It lay now slightly tattered at the fringes on the dirt floor; lying their innocently enough in the farthest corner away from him as he bemoaned his fate. The back of his hand scrubbed roughly across his eyes to wipe away the tears.

Even though I’d be sacrificed,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?

It seemed that they all came to visit him at some point in time in the first two weeks of his imprisonment, but he didn’t care. Not when he knew Shigure only came just to avoid his editor as he chattered about Sohma gossip. And when Tohru came it just tore him more up inside as he heard her hiccup and sob trying to force herself to talk cheerfully.

“And… and Sohma-san’s ‘secret base’ is flourishing nicely… The strawberries are coming in so it will be ready to harvest sooner then expected and… and… Kyo are you cold in there? If you want I can bring a blanket,” she cut off to stand up. He could sense when she had clutched the bars and looked inside.

But he had decided, as soon as she came, to curl up in a ball on his thin and soiling futon; his meager blanket was thrown over his body as he tried to tune her out. His mind tried its best to think of different fighting moves his Shishou had taught him over the years.

‘Why does she come here? Doesn’t she know it hurts… hurts because I can’t have her? Give up on me… please,’ he wanted to say to her. He knew he was hurting her by doing this, but she was hurting him more by staying. It came with a bitter relief when she stopped showing up entirely.

And not even Yuki, coming for his first and last time to curse him for hurting Honda-san’s feelings, could sway him. He just sat there cross-legged on his futon and looked right through Yuki, a look of complete nonchalance rolling over his body, eclipsing him as he prodded the fresh cut from his bleeding lip with his tongue. It was a token of one of the family members paying him a visit at Akito’s orders just yesterday.

‘What would you do Yuki if you had Akito visit you at all hours of the day? Have his pale lips close to your ear whispering to you that you are useless and that you deserve to die alone. Then he’d send others to kick at you until your outsides match your insides. Until you were just as broken as a jigsaw puzzle,’ he thought. His mouth remained a thin line, never parting to speak or shout, until Yuki finally gave up and left.

And if I bleed, I’ll bleed,
Knowing you don’t care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t something...

He grasped the razor tightly in his hands once more as he tried to push his memories back at arm’s length. The cold metal bit into his flesh until a bit of blood dribbled along the blade. He sliced once more at the line he had created earlier before aborting that to press the tip along his wrist.

It was as if he could feel Akito behind him, leaning over him like a conspirator. Feel those pale lips whispering in his ear to do it. Sever the veins in his wrist until he was washed in pain and then peaceful freedom. ‘Rid me of this damned life.I'm nothing but a stain on the Sohma's name,’ he thought bitterly as his lips set in a grim line.

He was done with crying as he pressed the tip harder against the end of his wrist ready to slice quickly down it before something interrupted his suicidal thoughts.

“Dumb cat I know you’re in there so come out and fight!” slurred a voice through the racket of the storm.

Kyo found himself jarred form his morbid thoughts at the sound of a bottle being smashed against the side of the wall outside. His cat ears able to pick up the sound even pass the howling of the wind. He allowed his fingers to lay his razor on the ground, but tried to ignore the noise. ‘My imagination,’ he thought gruffly as silence reigned for a moment.

“Come out damn it. I know you are stronger then this so stop fucking hiding behind walls!” howled what sounded a lot like Haru.

‘Stupid cow doesn’t he know it’s the middle of the night nearly and it’s raining cats and dogs out there,’ he grumbled to himself.

“Is it that you want to become Akito's lap dog? Is that why you given up so easily? Do you roll over for him and spread your legs to take in his—” sneered Haru before he was violently interrupted.

"SSSSHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTT UUUUPPPPPPPPP!!!!" screamed Kyo, his eyes flashing with anger as his teeth gritted together. He shot to his feet so quickly that it left him almost dizzy as he turned around to face his accuser. ‘Why can’t he fucking leave me alone,’ he thought vehemently as he glared passed the bars of his cage.

“Hey… where is the door? Or did they lower the kitten in from the roof or something?” Haru laughed as he wrapped his gloved fingers around the bars. He tried to rattle them apart but there was no use. So he leaned forward to peer inside to see Kyo glaring at him in the poor lighting of the room.

“Asshole the door is on the other side,” hissed Kyo in disgust. He was ready to slink back into the shadows but Haru wouldn’t let him. A headache already started up as he kept his eyes reluctantly on the cow.

“Home sweet home, huh?” the bovine asked in mock interest before he turned his head on the more interesting Kyo. “So are you going to fight me or not?” he asked raising an eyebrow.

“You fucking ass you are soaking wet in this… I don’t even know what that is all about out there,” Kyo growled waving his arms at the freak storm outside. “And all you can ask is if I want to fight. Do I look like I want to fight!” he yelled, panting with the effort. He was too tired to argue but here he was doing it.

“Coward,” shot out Haru vehemently. His arm lay casually on the small ledge of the barred window as he continued to look inside. His gloved hand began to roam up and down the cold bars sensually slow.

It was growing obvious to Kyo that this was indeed black Haru, along with the fact that he was terribly drunk. His nose wrinkling in disgust at the strong smell of sake on his breathe that puffed into his cage. “Fine if you want a fight then get me out of here first,” huffed Kyo knowing that the dumb cow could not deliver.

“Fine,” Haru said with a shrug before disappearing from Kyo’s sight.

Kyo thinking this was his way of saying he gave up had seemed to relax. His body was weak from the effort in trying to argue with such damnable weather outside. But just when he was ready to curl up on his cold futon to try to go to sleep he heard and felt his cage shutter.

“What the fuck?” he cursed as he sat up from his futon. The razor he had managed to find was dropped as he saw Haru’s face peer at him from the barred window before the cage shuttered once more from a blow. “What do you think you are doing?” he ranted at the cow.

“Getting you out. So shut up and back away from the wall,” came Haru’s grunt before another slam.

Kyo was about to say something but kept silent as he watched as the wall slowly crumbled in. It took nearly twenty minutes before the sledgehammer that Haru was using broke a big enough hole through the wall. It was large enough that Haru could walk through if he stooped his head a bit.

“This is fucking unbelievable,” the cat mumbled aloud to himself. He vaguely thought about how no one didn’t come rushing outside to stop the crazed bovine but realized that the storm had muffled the sound of the sledgehammer demolishing part of his cage.

“You’re free now!” waved Haru loftily to the pouring rain outside. “So are you going to fucking fight me or not?” asked Black Haru impatiently. He kicked away at a piece of rubble, his sledgehammer slung over his shoulder.

“Dumbass,” Kyo breathed rolling his eyes as he slowly stumbled to his feet. He took a hesitant step forward before he found himself falling. His world sliding into darkness as he slowly lost consciousness. His body trembling, unnaturally warm in the cold room as Haru quickly scooped him up in his arms.

“Kyo?” asked white Haru suddenly. He had transformed back to his normal self without really knowing it as he cradled the sick Kyo in his arms. The sweat on Kyo’s brow apparent as the lightening illuminated the room. The blood branching down the short-tempered boy’s arm dripped onto the dirt floor from the cut he opened before he poofed into an orange cat.

“Shit!” Haru cursed before hurrying out of Kyo’s prison with Kyo’s small body clutched to his chest; the rain beat against them both.

Even though I’d be sacrificed,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?

The End?

A/N: This will probably end up being a one-shot… but if you don’t want this to be then please review.