Towers of Silence

It’s my first fanfic so and I have written it to the best of my knowledge and I would be veery happy to receive something..ANYthing from you. Anything you would like to tell me about it, whether it was good or bad or just crap.


-Important: The story takes place after the completion of their mission. Somehow they finally made it so they have settled down somewhere in the woods and now occupy a little cottage (In case you should wonder about that, Goku will appear later on in the story).-

Finally I want to thank my beta-reader most sincerely^^
Now please enjoy!


Towers of Silence
- Visions in red

---------

He was standing there in front of me, not moving at all.

Well, he wasn’t able to move. He was tied to the wall with cuffs, heavy black cuffs that were cutting into his flesh and restricting his blood circulation, but he didn’t complain. He was naked except for his arm warmers, which remained on his arms like a bad joke, and his bare feet were touching the cold wooden floor. His hair was wet from his sweat and his breath came in jerks.

From time to time he twisted and struggled to break free from the metal chains but it was hopeless. His stomach, feet and ass were decorated with still bloody, burgundy lines, which probably came from the rough treatment with the whip. His face was a mess; there was still some blood trickling down from the corner of his mouth and he had bruises all over his cheeks.

Not very serious, but maybe frightening for someone who didn’t know the whole situation.

His mouth was filled with a black gag made of plastic and he was grimacing, maybe because of the awful taste of it.

Or maybe because I was sucking him off.

Despite the gag in his mouth muffling his cries, he was moaning and his hips jerked violently in the rhythm in which I was licking the most delicate part of his body. It didn’t take me long to make him come, he was already erect from the flogging of his ass. He pushed forward and I took his full length into my mouth.

When he had spilt his last drop of semen into my mouth, I got up and removed the gag. Roughly, I took Sanzo’s head and kissed him in a brutal way. While biting his lips I let the semen drop from my mouth into Sanzo’s who was shivering because of the bile taste of his own seed. When I was satisfied with teasing him I took a few steps back to enjoy the sight.

A harshly breathing, powerless Sanzo priest was hanging there in his chains, looking at me with a murderous gaze.

"If I free you now, will you kill me?"

He just hissed and continued to stare daggers at me. I felt kind of amused that I had gotten him into that mood.

"Are you alright? Sanzoo."

"Ch"

"If you beg me nicely I’ll fetch the key for the cuffs."

I was smiling, friendly-like but with a hint of triumph.

"Fuck you."

"I said beg, not curse."

He tried to struggle again to break free with all his power but of course he ended up more exhausted than before, leaning against the wall.

"GODDAMN FREE ME NOW, you got what you wanted from me!!"

Aw, he was getting angry, I really liked teasing him.

"Under one condition."

He was grinding his teeth but he didn’t have a choice at all. So he gave in and spat out, "What do you want me to do you goddamn cocksucker."

I was smirking and by swinging my hips in a sexy way I strolled towards him.

"Yooouuu... will wear the black and red tights for me. Just a yes and I will free you."

He sighed in annoyance.

"Yes..."

I knew that he didn’t like wearing them, maybe because he associated them with women and he was afraid of showing too much of his feminine side. Perhaps he feared that he might start liking them... I don’t know. So I took the key from my pocket and released him.

He was soothing his arms because the cuffs had made them swollen and numb and I laid an arm around his shoulders. He glanced up with an evil expression.

"You get fucking turned on when I’m walking around in those uncomfortable tights, don’t you."

I smiled.

"Yes, you’re a real turn on with those things. I wouldn’t even get half as hard if someone else wore them. It’s you who makes it special."

He bent his head to hide the little smile that escaped because of my compliment.

"Well then let go of me, I keep them in my room."

So I left him and went to the table to get my lighter and fags. While I was standing at the window Hakkai entered the room and when I turned around he stopped in the middle of the room.

"What’s the matter, Hakkai?"

"I just came from the city, you know, buying some important things. Here are your cigarettes, and if Sanzo shows up, please give them to him."

He was handing me the stuff just at the moment when Sanzo arrived at the doorframe. I noticed him and Hakkai turned around as well. I knew that he had never seen him with those tights on and I chuckled because of the expression he must have worn.

"Oh, Hakkai... did you get my fags?"

Poor old Hakkai was standing there in the middle of nowhere not knowing what to do.

"Erm... yes, Gojyo has them..."

Sanzo flaunted towards Hakkai and I knew that he was up to something. He put his arms around Hakkai’s shoulders and lifted a leg to knee him lightly in the groin. With the leg remaining there and with Hakkai tensing up he nuzzled something into his ear that I couldn’t understand.

"What??!"

Sanzo shifted his leg a bit and Hakkai opened his mouth to let out an uncontrolled groan. He flushed delicately, and Sanzo whispered again into his ear, now a bit louder so that I was able to hear it this time with my excellent youkai senses.

"You want to join us and be the housemaid? We will pay you for your service."

He bit his ear and Hakkai jerked away, he could be so prudish. His face was red like my hair and he smiled in embarrassment.

"No… thank you... but I hope... you have fun..." And with a quick move he turned and hurried out of the room.

I was grinning in a pleased way and Sanzo was licking his lips as he pulled the suspenders a bit higher.

"Sanzo... now he’s afraid of us, poor Hakkai."

"He isn’t. He was semi-hard when I was touching him there."

"No way."

No, not Hakkai.

"He was. Go and convince yourself of that."

"I believe you. You see? You look twice as sexy with those things on. And for me, three times
sexier than usual."

"You pervy kappa."

"Come here, I want to grope you... you are still my virgin."

He really came over to me, reluctantly, slowly, enjoying every second of my attention. He had the mind of a snake, false and pretending and ever so intelligent as to know how to behave so that I felt just what he wanted me to feel.

"I’m gonna kill you if you make such a theater like last time. "

He stood in front of me, his arms round my neck and his tongue circling my nipple. I gasped and cried out loudly.
He worked on it until he felt the coppery taste of blood in his mouth and then he turned to tease my other nipple. I was standing there motionless, enjoying the feeling. I just had to look at his pale alabaster skin to feel the heat pooling in my stomach, it gave me such a nice thrill like you can feel when you take a trip on a roller coaster. Looking at Sanzo was just like a roller coaster with doubled speed, back and forth at the same time. I only felt like that when I was watching him, I didn’t react like that when I saw other men... or women.

Now he was rubbing his thigh against my bare leg. He was aware of the feelings that he caused by doing that.
I couldn’t fight the lust rising again in me and if he didn’t stop right now I would have come a second time without even being touched there.

I felt embarrassed when I noticed that my prick was actually digging into Sanzo’s other thigh and I tried to make it limp again with my sheer imagination.

Didn’t work, just as expected. Traitorous thing.

I couldn’t help riding his smooth skin, desperately hoping he wouldn’t notice. But I would have shot myself if Sanzo wasn’t aware of my cock rubbing against his leg and I was right. He let go of my other tormented nipple to peer at me with narrowed eyes.

"Hey… Gojyo… I haven’t even touched you there… and you’re as hard as a rock."

"Thanks. I know."

I was looking away from him, avoiding his eyes.

This was the only situation that could make me feel nervous, I was really vulnerable when it came to that tights fetish with Sanzo. He took my head into his hands and turned it so that I was staring straight into his warm eyes.
With a soft voice he tried to calm me down.

"Hey... there’s nothing wrong with it, I won’t despise you just because you love to see me..." He was petting my hair with his forehead. "’cause you're a twisted bastard who loves to see me wandering around in these things."

He really understood me and knew what to say to calm down my mind. I loved that about him.

He sighed and let go of me, took a step back and smiled at me. I took a deep breath and watched him standing there for a minute.

"How about some coffee?"

"If you..."

"Yes, I will. But let’s see Hakkai and his fading smile. Man, I love it when he looks shocked like that."

"Yes, that sight is unique."

Laughing, we left the room and headed for the kitchen, but Hakkai wasn’t there. He must have fled to his room.

Sanzo took the coffee and put a pot with some water in it on the hot plate.

"I love this instant coffee... but the real thing from Hakkai doesn’t taste bad either."

"Mmh."

I was hypnotized by his movements, my eyes drinking in the sight of lean muscles stretching and relaxing. But I gave it up and bent my head to look at the newspaper instead because I didn’t want him to see me lurking after him like that. So I was just sitting at the table, examining the newspaper.

"Hey, that’s my job!"

I looked up from the paper and was surprised when my mouth met his. The kiss was warm and welcoming, and after a little fight for dominance he put his tongue into my mouth, aggressive and demanding and I couldn’t resist moaning. We kissed each other until the water was already boiling so Sanzo hurried to the oven to pour it into the cups.

And the coffee was as good as ever. He really knew how to impress me. I was thinking about something else just to be busy with something when he asked me.

"Have you ever met your father?"

I was surprised, not to say even shocked about that question now.

"Why are you asking me that now?"

"I just thought about it."

"No, I never got to know him."

Frowning, I studied his face.

"Mh."

He looked sad; I didn’t know what I should do now. It was strange.

"Sanzo, is something wrong?"

He looked up at me.

"No. Nothing’s wrong."

He continued to drink his coffee.

Then I remembered; after sex he was always either on cloud number 7 or he was depressed to hell. Mostly he was on the cloud but sometimes his thoughts went dark and he even had to fight back the tears. It was always the same. I don’t know why, I had never asked him about that, and I wouldn’t, I could just guess.

Perhaps his mood was changing because he was questioning his personality again. He often did that when he was forced to lose control, to give up his common sense and let himself drown in the flow of ecstasy and pure instinct.

What he saw then frightened him; he wanted to close his eyes, to avert them from inescapable truth, he didn’t want to enjoy his own ruthlessness so much. He feared becoming a complete asshole, someone who was always looking for the next pleasure and caught up in his thoughts about himself, nothing but a self-centered and cold-hearted bastard. When he was in a bad mood he was conscious of that behaviour, and he disgusted himself.

There was nobody who would listen to him, nobody who wouldn’t tell him to visit a psychiatrist but he didn’t need a doctor, he damn well needed someone who would silently take him into his arms.

He felt so lonely, such hopelessness, and the wish to die because it wouldn’t bother anybody to see him dying. Nobody would cry after him because of his bad behaviour, of his way of treating others. He was alone, broken, and lost in his grief.

Another cut in his shattered soul and in the end, when there wasn’t enough space for another disappointment, he would have taken the razorblade and slashed his wrists until he felt himself really drowning and fainting in his blood. It would be the price for his life of sin.

Nevertheless it couldn’t be paid off that easily, it was gutless to run away from life and he dealt with it by getting all numb concerning his feelings. He had already given up on running away a long time ago. He accepted being a coward and was searching for death now. He was longing for it like he had been longing for an understanding touch, for some comfort, or craving for a warm welcoming smile before.

But no one had been able to give him what he was dying for so he tried to suffocate the painful feelings and needs, which only ended up hurting him even more.

He was decaying, rotting, it was ripping him apart from the inside and he had to fight a constant battle with his reason to remain sane and to appear normal to other people.

But he had failed.

I knew what he was suffering from. I could read his soul like an open book; his tortured mind had found a way to attract my attention through his actions, just little gestures, and the desperate signs he was giving me without his knowledge were as obvious for me as they could be.

He was always searching for my chest, my hand, or whatever he could get when he was sleeping. He would watch me longingly when I pretended to look out of the window or something like that. He would just come out of his room, sit down on the couch where I was lying and lay his head into my lap to watch whatever stupid film I was watching. He was searching for some feelings, didn’t matter to him which ones, he would happily accept every one of them when I was playing with his hair and staring into his droopy violet amethysts.

He used to shine, to make you feel conscious about yourself with his own self -confidence. His eyes used to have a decisive gleam, an expression of his strong will but now... there was a look in his eyes like black holes in the sky.

Make me whole... fix me... use me for whatever you want, just be with me...

Please...

Please... I can’t stand it any longer...

He looked up again, a world dying beneath his floating purple pearls.

"Have you ever felt used by me?"

"What?? What the fuck do you mean by that?" I was staring at him, shocked by his words.

"I am an egoistic and hypocritical bastard." He seemed absent minded, staring off into the vacant air.

I was getting really worried. I almost knew everything about his moods, and I knew that when he continued to ask such questions, he would soon turn into that depressed and worn out wreck he became, just like when it was raining for days.

"Sanzo, please..."

Please what? Please stop thinking?

I couldn’t save and protect him from his dark thoughts; I could just try to console him whenever he was suffering from them. It was horrible whenever he would fall into that dark mood and he was well on the way towards stumbling there again.

"Sanzo, what do you mean? What are you thinking of? What’s wrong?"

"Nothing..."

And there it was, like a demon forcing him to lose his mind and fall into a dreamless sleep.

Like… dead but dreaming.

I couldn’t let him fall, not this time. I got up and grabbed his arm and he suspiciously turned his head. I pulled him up and dragged him towards the cosy couch and the television and I didn’t even bother about his attempts to defend himself from my rough treatment. I dumped him down there, switched on the TV and looked for something nice. Then I sat down next to him and invited him to lie down on my chest. We were always watching TV like that and I loved to hold and pet him. I felt him relaxing and I think that he was just longing for my touch. Longing for anything from me.

Even if I was to be his toy, to be used for his happiness, I was willing to be his.

His.

"Sanzo..."

He was playing with my pubic hair, winding it up around his fingers and lightly touching my more and more vivid cock while rubbing his head against my chest, obviously gaining deep pleasure from the touch. I petted his head and he growled in deep contentment and relish.

After some silent, pleasant minutes he had fallen asleep. So I carefully bent down to remove the tights. He was chuckling in his sleep. Happy to hear those sounds from him I watched his face. It was decorated with a smile so deep and honest that I was ready to let go of my composure and start crying right then and there for god’s sake, I just felt like it. And I wasn’t the one who was ashamed of his own tears, I was proud that I could still cry and show my feelings.

He was so cute when he was asleep, like a sleeping beauty that would never wake up again.

I spent the afternoon lying there on the comfortable couch with Sanzo purring in my lap and watching silly films.
I think he liked that; the television gave off a constant stream of sounds that were lulling him to sleep. When the sun was slowly fading and soft darkness was filling the room I carried him to bed. I was looking forward to closing my eyes because they were already burning from overstraining them but I didn’t find quiet comfort. I had to think about his words all the time...about whether I had ever felt used.

Hell no, of course not, I just felt… love when I looked at him, nothing about being used or any shit like that...

I didn’t want to touch him, fearing that I would wake him up but he was already searching for my contact like always so I moved closer to his body and embraced him. He was murmuring something and nuzzling against my chest.

Relaxed, content, happy...

But still… sad.


------------------------------------------

Sanzo opened his eyes.

What he saw was a completely different room but he knew it just like you know everything in a dream.

There was a table in the middle of the room and a huge beautiful carpet that looked very expensive. The decoration on the table consisted of a pair of candles, four plates with silverware, four glasses for wine and a pair of wine bottles, one for red wine and a smaller jar for white.

He let his gaze slide through the room; the walls were made of stone and he could feel the cold air they were sending out into the room.

On the right side there was a fireplace with an open fire, rather old fashioned, but also very romantic. On the left side of the room was a bed but he had never seen such a thing in his whole life: On the metallic frame were dangling four cuffs; on each side of the bed were two pairs and they seemed pretty heavy and uncomfortable, absolutely different from the ones he was used to using.

The normal sheets of the bed had been replaced with sheets made of latex and he could even smell the scent of the fabric from meters away. He had never been a fan of that but it wasn’t bothering him either. Besides, the bed was amazing.

Suddenly the door slammed open and two people entered the room.

It took him a while to recognize his two travelling companions, Gojyo and Hakkai, who were wearing black leather which, he had to confess, didn’t look all too bad on Hakkai either.

They ignored him completely and sat down at the table, talking about things Sanzo didn’t understand. He felt really confused and he didn’t know exactly what to do so he kept sitting there on the cold floor.

After their little talk Hakkai got up and walked towards Sanzo, bent down, roughly grabbed his arm and pulled him up. It was then when he realized that he just had on his black shorts, his chest was bare and his armwarmers were also lost.

Hakkai dragged him to the table where he dumped him down next to Gojyo, who now took a rope from seemingly out of nowhere and used it to tie Sanzo’s feet together. Sanzo was too confused and paralysed from the cold to do anything against it.

How is this going to end...?

Now Gojyo took the bottle of wine, uncorked it and advised Hakkai to do something. So Hakkai got up, positioned himself behind Sanzo and violently shoved his head up so that he was forced to look at Gojyo. Soft violet eyes stared up into red, lusty and mind-blowing eyes. He didn’t like what he saw there… pure malignity and threat.

Gojyo took the flask and violently thrust it against Sanzo’s lips. He couldn’t help but open his mouth with a gasp and swallow all the wine Gojyo poured down his throat.

By half of the bottle Sanzo began to feel angry and disgusted from the sour alcohol. He tried to jerk away but Hakkai held him in place as Gojyo continued to feed him with wine. When he had finally emptied the bottle he felt nauseated and weak and with a feeling almost like panic he watched Gojyo taking the second jar filled with white wine.

What the fuck… they can’t do that to me! How can they dare to...

He tried to protest against Hakkai's iron grip, he even screamed and twisted in blind panic but that only made him feel sicker because now Hakkai was squeezing his neck until he began to see golden spots appearing in his vision.

When Gojyo attempted to break through his lips again, which he held firmly together, Sanzo raised his hands to grab those of his tormentor but he was already too weak to stop Gojyo from fulfilling his plan. He was forced to drink another load of that disgusting wine and under spasms and shivers he closed his eyes, concentrating on not giving them the pleasure of seeing him throwing up. He coughed and intended to sink down on the floor but Gojyo now took his neck and pulled him up into a kneeling posture. Hakkai stood next to him and smiled in a way Sanzo wasn’t used to seeing from him.

When Sanzo turned as carefully as possible to look what Gojyo might want to do next, in order to maybe flee or try to avoid it, he suddenly felt a hard punch in his stomach. Electrifying sharp pain was spreading from his abdomen and his vision went white for a few seconds.

Gojyo released his neck and Sanzo doubled over, dizzy and sick to death from the wine and the attack. He tried to curl up into a ball and forget about he world but Gojyo pulled him up for the third time. A cry escaped him when Gojyo shoved a finger through his lips and touched him in the back of his mouth to tease his gagging reflex.

Sanzo felt so disgusted but he wasn’t able to raise his arms, he felt weak enough to fall on the floor and pass out. It didn’t take Gojyo long to reach his aim because Sanzo had already been sick from the punch to his gut and under tears and coughing he started to vomit.

What are they doing to me...this is so wrong...

Shaking all over his body from the spasms of his stomach he saw the wine pouring from his mouth into one of the four glasses and from that sight he got even sicker.

When he had filled the glass up Gojyo mercilessly placed another one under him. He wasn’t able to think anymore, he just wanted to faint and to die while he was desperately trying to stop himself from gagging and shaking. He had never felt so humiliated, he was disgusted with himself, he felt like a disgrace and he didn’t want to live with that any longer at the moment.

After finally filling the four glasses, Gojyo let go of his neck and he immediately sank to the floor where he didn’t move. He was weak, sick and his whole body was sticky from the mess he had thrown up.

"Fuck..."

Half conscious, he turned his head to see Gojyo and Hakkai enjoying the sight of him while drinking from the glasses he had filled with the wine. A broad smirk plastered their faces just like they wanted to tell him something like "Get what you deserve" but Sanzo didn’t give up that fast. At least not in cursing them.

"You goddamn twisted bastards, you son of a bitch!! You fucking..."

He was getting short of air. Of course Gojyo and Hakkai weren’t the ones to ignore that, so Gojyo got up, taking the empty bottle with him. He headed towards Sanzo, who was attempting to sit, but Gojyo spoiled his efforts and sent him back on the floor with a kick to his jaw, which was hard enough to draw blood from Sanzo’s mouth. He swallowed and spit out blood and saliva.

"Hey, you are ruining our carpet, ass boy," Gojyo told him in a quite amused voice.

"Fuck you…"

The blood didn’t stop trickling down from the corner of his mouth.

"On the contrary."

Smirking, he put his naked toes into Sanzo’s mouth and turned them around, forcing him to turn his head and gag again.

"Bite me and I will rack your brains."

He wanted to die because of the shame, he felt miserable. Now Gojyo was pushing them further into his hot mouth, obviously enjoying the feeling of dominance and the forced submission. Sanzo couldn’t speak, he just made choking noises, and he was on the edge of panic from the suffocating feeling.

Gojyo lazily pulled his now coppery coloured toes out and rubbed them against Sanzo’s cheeks and eyes to smear the blood, which was sticking all over his face. Coughing, Sanzo writhed beneath him.

After some moments of peace Gojyo kicked him in the side so that Sanzo turned over to lie on his belly and he didn’t even dare think about what Goyjo might be up to. He gasped when he felt something hard and cold touching his ass and let out a startled cry when he felt the thing pushing through his tight ring of muscles.
When he realized that Gojyo had just shoved the bottle of wine up his ass he couldn’t stop from groaning and shaking.

Although it had been empty, he felt liquid welling out from his backside and also flowing to the other side, filling up his stomach and thorax, which made it hard to breath.

By now he was feeling so deeply desperate; he hated them, he was disgusted with them both and it annoyed him to no ends that he didn’t even know the reason for this wicked game.

And of course he was feeling disappointed and betrayed because he and Gojyo had sworn never to hurt each other on bad purpose. He loved him, how could he do that to him, how could he be so cruel and reckless...

Now he couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down his sore cheeks and his cries and sighs where the only noise which filled the room. It was such an unfriendly, cold and hostile air that he was wondering what he could have done wrong and just like they could read his thoughts they answered him in unison.

"That’s how you treat your fellows, they are just dirt to you, like any other man."

Desperately he croaked something like, "That’s not true... I don’t treat him like dirt, I lo..."

But he wasn’t able to end his sentence because Gojyo had kicked him in the throat, which made Sanzo cough and clutch at his throat in pain.

"You don’t love him, he is just a toy for you, a toy that you use to calm your mind and soothe your wounded soul."

"Noo... please… stop it..." His face was contorted with pain.

Gojyo was getting more and more furious and he was already screaming.

"You use him for your pleasure, irrespective of his feelings and needs. You abuse him."

"Shut up!!"

He was crying and covering his eyes with his shaking hands, now throwing up the rest of the disgusting substance mingled with the blood that still came from the hard punch to his belly.

"You filthy piece of shit, you don’t deserve him. He is too pure and innocent for you."

The lake of blood and wine grew bigger and bigger, until it was threatening to choke him.

"That’s what you deserve, shitty priest. Every minute. You are really the last thing on earth I would like to have as my friend, you hypocritical egoistic asshole."

Weakened from those evil words and his spastic stomach, he finally passed out in the lake of wine and his own blood...


------------------------------------------

With a sudden start my body tensed up. I was sitting in the bed, confused about why my Sanzo wasn’t kicking me anymore with his latex high-heels, but I quickly found the reason for my rude awakening.

It was 2 a.m. Sanzo was writhing and screaming beneath me, turning from one side to the other and clenching the sheets. He was wet from his sweat and panting unsteadily, kicking the blankets away and giving me a glimpse of his hard twitching cock.

Damn but that was an erotic sight... just delicious. I couldn’t suppress my thoughts, as much as I tried. That scene oddly turned me on... until my sleep foggy brain registered the whole of the situation and I felt dirty about being pleased by him shaking and suffering from some fucking nightmare.

He must have been dreaming about something that turned him on in a wicked way because he never was hard when he had nightmares about Komyou and that youkai attack and things like that. Maybe they were raping him, humiliating him or hurting his pride or even...I didn’t dare think about it.

Sanzo was still screaming like mad, it didn’t get better at all. I didn’t know what to do so I tried to wake him up but that made it worse, he started thrashing and kicking under the blankets and I couldn’t do anything but watch him in the hope of a quick end of that bad dream.

It seemed like hours to me, he didn’t stop moaning and tears and sweat were running down his body. Then after about 5 minutes when I had already turned to stare at a wall - carefully avoiding the painful sight of him - he jerked up with a death-keening desperate scream, shaking and sweaty. With an irritated gaze he looked around the room.

I was worried to hell and wanted to take him into my arms to console him. But when I touched his shoulder he threw his head around to stare at me with big eyes full of angst and panic and he moved away from my touch.
He swallowed hard; his tears didn’t stop streaming down his face. It must have been one hell of a dream for him to be acting like this now. I had never seen him so lost and confused.

We stared at each other and then he hurried to get up from the bed but I caught his hand in a reflex and he turned around to look at me with frightened, bloodshot eyes.

"Sanzo...what did you dream?"

I knew that if I didn’t ask him directly now he would never answer me.

"Tell me, what did you see."

He moaned in misery.

"You..."

Tears were flowing down his cheeks. I hated to torment him with my questions but it was damn important to know what he was suffering from in order to be able to console him in such a situation.

"You...giving me what... what I deserve."

He suddenly jerked away. I wasn’t prepared for this move because my brain was busy trying to get the meaning out of those words, so he broke free from my grip and stumbled out of the room. I quickly got up to follow him but the last thing I would see of him for 3 days was his hand shutting the door of his room. I started running towards the door but the very instant I grabbed the knob he had already turned the key in the lock.

I was hammering on the door like a madman, calling his name, shouting for him to open the door and to talk about it, to sort out this wicked thing... but the door remained shut.

Sometimes he can be such a freak... one bad dream... about me... and he was totally ruined. But when I remember my own nightmares I can understand him better. Nevertheless, there was a big difference between us; I never had anybody who would console me when I was young, whereas Sanzo would have gotten every part of me to make him feel better.

Maybe he had a bad dream about...that shit...what he was talking about during our coffee break. I hoped not.

I sank down in front of the door and heard another door being opened. I turned my head to see Hakkai coming down the aisle, coming to ask what was going on.

Hakkai was never angry with us when we were much too loud during the night. He was just worried about us and every time he put his head through the door slit asking whether everything was okay I felt annoyed but also happy that we were able to call such a good-hearted man our friend.

"What’s going on here? I heard doors opening and closing and ... moans... different moans than those you... usually make… Well, what’s going on here?"

"It’s Sanzo… he’s had a pretty rough nightmare."

"I thought he’d already gotten used to his nightmares... How cruel that must sound, but..."

"I know what you mean… but this one was different, he was moaning and kicking and punching and… calling my name… desperately... And when he woke up his eyes were full of panic, he didn’t even let me touch him, Hakkai."

He was still looking a bit sleepy and now he was frowning, I suppose he was worried about the fact that Sanzo didn’t even let me touch him.

I was knocking lazily on the door again, now hopeless that he would open it before dawn. Dejected, I got up and went to my room, leaving Hakkai alone in the dark corridor and Sanzo shivering and curled up in his bed under the blankets…

-------------


There’s a silence surrounding me
I can’t seem to think straight
I‘ll sit in the corner
No one can bother me
I think I should Speak now
I can’t seem to speak now
My words won’t come out right
I feel like I’m drowning
I’m feeling weak now
But I can’t show my weakness
I sometimes wonder
Where do we go from here.


--------------

8:10 a.m.

Morning... The sun was floating through my room like syrup, making my thoughts almost visible. Sighing, I kept lying there, it was comfortable to dream in that state of mind, half asleep but also half awake… nothing could bother me and everything was alright.

At 10 a.m. reality hit me hard.

I got up, just to avoid Hakkai’s call that breakfast was ready. I was tired because I hadn’t found much sleep last night and Hakkai was doing his best to cheer me up with his worried statements that I look terrible and that I should eat and sleep more and so on.

I let myself fall on the chair at the table while Hakkai was pouring some steaming coffee into my cup. Sanzo’s cup remained empty. I got sad when I looked at it so I turned my head and took out a cigarette from my pocket.

Why doesn’t he trust me, why had he run away like a mad animal, what had he seen?

I knew that Hakkai would sigh like he always does when we smoke at breakfast but I didn’t give a damn about it, my head was too busy straightening out my thoughts to worry about his fucking comments. So when he breathed in to tell me not to smoke at breakfast I bawled out that he should shut the fuck up. He was pretty stunned by my harsh comment and silently sat down. We quietly had our breakfast, although the atmosphere wasn’t as warm as it usually was and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

After I had finished my still hot coffee I got up to try to convince Sanzo to open his door. I wasn’t one to give up that quickly either.

"Sanzo...do you hear me? Sanzo! Sanzo!!! Are you alright in there?"

I felt a hand on my shoulder; it was Hakkai, who else?

"I’m sure he’s alright...he will need some time to clear his mind."

"But I could help him, I could take him into my arms, I could... help him..."

The more I was thinking about Sanzo the more I got depressed... I needed a smoke.

"Hakkai... please... let me go."

"Of course."

His hand disappeared and I walked into my room to fetch my new packet of cigarettes. I went to the balcony to smoke outside, because I just felt like it. The cold, rainy weather was a welcome balsam for my soul. I was leaning on the wooden parapet lighting my smoke and my face turned unwillingly to Sanzo’s terrace. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing there; it was Sanzo, standing next to one of the columns, his gaze empty and his body lax.

I can save you... I can redeem you.

But somehow he must have felt watched and he turned his heavy gaze with his shaded eyes to look at me.
It freaked him out so much to see somebody standing there that he made a jump in the air.

"Sanzo!"

He turned to flee into his room but I didn’t want to let that happen.

"Wait! Just a moment! FOR GODS SAKE WAIT!!"

But it was too late; he had already shut the door and didn’t hear my desperate calls. It was like he was fleeing from me, from my presence, and it was fear that he felt when he looked at me. I couldn’t imagine what I might have done wrong, I just wanted to console him, but he refused everything from me.

--

I spent my day lying on the bed, smoking one cigarette after the other and drinking alcohol. I faintly noticed Hakkai talking to me at about 5 p.m. about things like I shouldn’t drink and smoke so much. I was so drunk that I even pushed his hand away when he touched my cheek gently but he didn’t take it personal, he was used to my moods when I was drunk.

"You haven’t seen Sanzo or heard him… have you..."

I was tilting my head so that it landed on his hipbone, I couldn’t coordinate my movements anymore. He started to pet my head like I was an animal but I liked it. Sanzo often had done this when we were lying there curled up in a ball and trying to fall asleep. I missed him so much although just one day had passed since his escape. Every time I was drunk I got so sentimental and suddenly I could feel hot tears flowing down my face.

He didn’t trust me.

Hakkai was holding me but his comfort wasn’t quite the same as what Sanzo was able to give me.

"Are you alright?" His voice was caring and so worried.

"Yes, I’m...I just miss him and his touch, I’m sorry Hakkai..."

"It’s alright. Never mind."

With a sigh I leaned back into my pillow. Everything was flowing and floating around and I wasn’t able to think clearly after emptying 2 bottles of whiskey. Hakkai flew out of the room and suddenly the sun was blinding me and it hurt like hell because I wasn’t used to getting much sight of the sun in our eternally darkened room. I remembered the words that said that Sanzo’s hair shines just like the sun and that he will be everybody’s sun, a sun for anybody who would ever need one in their life.

But I claimed that sun for myself, and for myself alone. My soul was dark enough to be happy just having him around.

It was difficult to raise an arm to shield my eyes from the horrible sun and it didn’t stop shining. Just when I thought that it would last there for the night in the same place in the sky my eyes were finally closing.

I didn’t sleep very well; I woke up in the middle of the night and felt sick from the alcohol. I got up and grabbed my jacket to take a little walk in the dark. Some fresh, cold air would help me to get over that terrible feeling the alcohol was causing.

When I felt the cooling haze of the winter caressing my face my mood changed. I felt a bit happier now, my room had been like a prison and I felt free now, but still missing something important like the warm touch of an arm around my waist. Or down in my pocket firmly grabbing my ass. I had to smile about that; he never let go of any opportunity to show me that I was his.

I decided just to circle around the house because I was really tired and still insecure on my feet from the booze. So I lit a smoke and started to make some new tracks in the fresh snow.

When I came to the window of Sanzo’s room I couldn’t hold back from peering into that dark space but I didn’t see what I expected to see. No darkness, no night there. I saw a pair of violet eyes, imperceptibly glistening from the light that the snow was reflecting from the moon. Eyes half closed but still awake.

He must have leaned on the low windowsill like he always does when he is thinking about something.
The rest of his face was invisible; the light was not even enough to let me see his beautiful mouth and cheeks.
Staring into my eyes, he didn’t bother to run away this time and I was very happy to see him, at least parts of him...

His marvellous eyes, mirrors of the wide sky or the endless ocean... never-ending forgiveness and peace.

---

Why won’t you talk to me
You never talk to me
What are you thinking
Where do we go from here.

-----

He lit up a smoke and his eyes slowly disappeared, fading into the dark. Along with his eyes even the light of his cigarette wasn’t visible anymore.

After some moments of confusing thoughts I continued my walk and when I came back to my room I didn’t regret that I had left my cosy bed for the cold, biting nocturnal air.

The next day started pretty rotten because I woke up with a terrible headache and everything else typical of a hangover. The first thing I did when I finally managed to get up from the bed was to find my way to Sanzo’s door. I hoped that he would open it because of that scene last night, but I was wrong, it remained quiet behind that goddamn door.

I can still recall my breakfast that day but then I must have fallen asleep while still sitting at the table. Hakkai, that idiot, let me sleep there on the most uncomfortable thing in the world for sleeping on, and as a result I felt a sharp pain in my back when I woke up. I was complaining about that but Hakkai didn’t say anything, he just went behind me and was so good as to give me a long massage.

Sanzo would have had a quarrel with me, exchanged some punches and blows and then he would have kneaded my back like some cake dough in order to make me quiet and flinch in pleasant pain.

If he didn’t open that door soon I would go mad. Maybe he was underestimating me but I really needed him.

Another day passed without any sign of dear Sanzo and I was starting to suffer from the withdrawal of his presence. I even felt embarrassed and depressed when I caught myself in the very act of masturbating while thinking about his light touches and his welcoming gestures. His face was enough to make me hard.

I couldn’t deny anymore that I was addicted to him and that I couldn’t live without him, I needed my daily Sanzo dose and I had come in default. I would take the annoyed Sanzo as well as the lecherous one, the murderous Sanzo as well as the calm and considerate one...I would have taken them all.

That was when I remembered the last time we spent together. I was Top and he acted the Bottom, which was a rather rare situation, but nevertheless I was enjoying it immensely, just like him. He loved it when he was totally out of control, when he was tied up and couldn’t move either his arms or his feet. Feels like real freedom, he told me every time, and he was right, it feels like paradise to let yourself fall and let someone else take care of you, even when they are hurting you. I knew that he fully trusted me in those situations, because he knew that I would never really hurt him on bad purpose and we had never needed a safeword.

I was pretty proud of our relationship concerning the sex because it couldn’t have been better. He trusted me when I was whipping him and he had confidence in me even when I was hurrying into the kitchen to fetch a knife. But he was still not sure about the non-psychical things like friendship, reliance or confidence. It didn’t matter to him if his body got hurt but when it came to these things he always got very careful. Maybe because he had been disappointed so often; his parents wanted to drown him in a river, the monks in the temple called him names and finally his master Komyou - who was like a father and a mother to him - had to die in front of his eyes... I can understand him and his feelings about trust and friendship.

I had to show him that I was serious about it, that he need not fear the day I would leave him, because this would never happen as long as I live. Never.

I missed his golden shining hair so much, his holy skin, his divine face... but most of all I missed his rare smiles and, well... yeah, his cock, too. He could rock you into the mattress; it wasn’t Sha Gojyo alone anymore who had the right to break your back while fucking you hard, because Genjo Sanzo was a growing competitor in that field.

He could rape you like he was the devil himself looking for your soul and even the hardest and toughest man would have whined the next morning when he got up. He knows how to pull the strings; he can make you desperate with a few words, and he can make you want him with a few poses. You can’t really see through him.

Fuck. The more I though about his abilities and habits the more I went crazy down in my pants. By the time I was busy with thoughts about his sweaty face and how he would swing the whip over my ass, my cock was having its fun down there in my now much too tight pants. I knew that I wouldn’t have gotten much sleep that night so I rose from the bed to take a cool shower. I was becoming a specialist concerning those things.

But this didn’t help at all. Whenever I took a shower I would be thinking about him because the shower tub is just the perfect place for some masturbatory acts. My cock was throbbing now, demanding some attention from me so I leaned against the cold wall to move my hand down my chest. I was pumping my cock with my left hand, teasing my nipple with the other, pinching and stroking it until I couldn’t hold back those little sounds of pleasure any more. I’m sure that Hakkai must have heard me but I didn’t give a damn about that, he knew that I was longing for Sanzo, psychically and physically.

My picture changed and turned into that one with him lying under me, bound to the bed, arching up from my touches to his sweet spot, drunken from lust and in ecstasy, on the edge of losing his control over everything.
With a loud scream and a spastic jerk I came, still violently pumping my cock, releasing into the cool waterfall of the shower.

I couldn’t stop myself and I kept coming until exhaustion was creeping into my muscles and brains and with a final sigh I landed on the floor with pure happiness and agreeable tiredness spreading in my body. I fought to get up; I was so exhausted that it was hard to stand. After coming for longer than I usually was able to manage, it was a wonder that I was even able to stand up again at all.

I went to my bed, tired, my hair dripping from the water. I wasn’t patient enough to dry my body or hair and I couldn’t catch a cold since I was a water sprite. That night I slept much better than the last night; I had a dreamless sleep, which I appreciated.

----

The next morning I was confident to meet Sanzo. I got up to put on my pants. Damn it, my hair had curls because I had dried it on my pillow without caring about it, but shit like that’s not important. When I appeared in the kitchen to drink my first coffee of the day, I met Hakkai’s gaze and he flushed when he looked at me. I smiled back and sat down, enjoying the coffee, which helped me to wake up.

After the breakfast I got up and positioned myself in front of his door. With the loudest voice I could manage to scream with in the morning I let him know that I was sick of his mood.

"Either you open that goddamn door by yourself or I will cut my throat! I’m not joking, you know that I’m never joking about serious stuff. Here’s the knife."

And with the knife from the kitchen I was knocking on his door.

"I'm gonna give you ten seconds to get up and turn the key."

Hakkai was slowly approaching me, a more than worried look on his face.

"You're really gonna..."

"Shut up, I will. Sanzo!! Listen carefully! One..."

"Two…"

"Three…"

"Four…"

"Five…"

Hakkai took a step back, and then he turned around because he was expecting the worst.

"SIX…"

"Seven…"

I was sure that he wouldn’t risk losing me. I trusted him.

"Eight…"

And the lock clicked.

To be honest I was relieved that he decided to turn the key; I was a bit frightened to cut my own throat.

So I threw away the knife, opened the door and entered the room. Closed the door behind me.

There he was standing dumbfounded, staring at the floor, his face hidden by the shadows and his hair. His appearance was like redemption, and my bad mood faded. He was like a true angel standing in front of me.

----

It doesn’t have to be like this.
All we need to do is make sure we keep talking...

------

I started to walk towards him to take him into my arms and he bent his head further down.

"I didn’t want it to end like this."

I stopped and looked at him in curiosity.

"Gojyo...please ...forgive me, I’m begging you."

I was surprised.

"There is nothing to forgive at all."

I didn’t mind any more after I had seen him again. I began to walk towards him but soon stopped when he started to talk again, but now with a high pitched voice like he would start to cry every now and then.

"I had a nightmare… you and... You and Hakkai were giving me what I deserved. You told me that I treat you like dirt, that I use you just for my own pleasure, that I abuse you and that... I don’t take care about your feelings and needs."

He fell down on his knees.

"I don’t deserve you, I spoil your pureness and innocence. That’s what… you told me."

His face turned to the side when I slapped him on his cheek.

"That might be what you said, but not me. I can’t remember ever visiting you in your dreams, you idiot."

Sanzo didn’t dare look at me; he slowly stood up and stumbled to the bed where he let himself fall down on the pillows. His head moved to the side and his hair was falling down, hiding his eyes. He must have felt horrible but also glad that he had me back, just like I was glad to have him back.

He must have known why I slapped him. He knew that I didn’t like it when he spoke like that, that I wanted him to trust me in every situation; I wanted to be a true friend... and even more. And he had hurt my feelings, he hadn’t trusted me, he had run away and tried to solve his problems on his own like he always did. It would be difficult to change his habits but I was sure that he would be able to do it with my help.

As if he could somehow read my thoughts, he confidently raised his head... just to tilt it back down.

"I’m sorry that I hit you, Sanzo... I was just so stunned and... angry that you were talking like that again. I thought you would have learnt something since the last time we had this discussion. I was sad when I heard that you were suffering because of that. I’m sorry."

I spoke very carefully so as not to make any false words.

"And you can’t spoil any pureness or innocence where there isn’t any."

Smirking, I thought about our sex and sexual habits.

"And neither do you treat me like dirt nor do you use me for your own pleasure. And even if it was like that I wouldn’t complain because I would fucking enjoy it, pervy kappa that I am."

Sanzo lifted his head a bit and tried to smile but the cheek where he had been hit must have hurt him too much because he quickly gave it up.

"But I wish nothing more than for you to come to me when you have a problem, no matter what. I will always listen and give you some advice if you want me to. But why do you reject me? Is there something you don’t like about me? What am I for you? Some stranger whom you met on the street and after a nice night you tell him to fuck off? Is it so difficult to trust me, to open your heart to another person? What do your fear? That I might reject you because of your problems and mistakes and your weakness, or is it just that you haven’t ever experienced an honest friendship? I 'm not somebody who will use you for my own amusement just like you would never use me for your own pleasure; I am intent on your happiness. And if you fear to be left by me one day... then let me tell you that this won’t happen as long as I can breath."

My voice got even sadder.

"I missed you so much, every part of your beautiful body and your wrecked soul... for me, you're like the sun coming out from the clouds when you’re smiling. When I’m sad you always make me happy… when you smile with those kind eyes. Although you act the bitchy prick most of the time I still love your attitude so much. If you have a problem, why don’t you tell me about it? I will share the pain with you; I will suffer all alone if you want me to sort out your problems for you. And I will be there whenever you need me. You can wake me at midnight if you feel thirsty, you can wake me at 2 in the morning when you can’t sleep and need someone just for listening. You can wake me at 3 a.m. and I will carry you to the balcony for a nightly cigarette and you can wake me when the rain is keeping you awake with your old painful memories and… I will try to console you as long as you let me close.”

“I can be whatever you want me to be for you, no matter whether you need me as a narrator, as a listener for your problems, just as a fuck buddy, as a servant or slave, as a toy, as a lover or as a friend. I don’t want to hurt you and when you tell me just to be your friend I can even live with that as long as you are happy with it."

He was sitting on the bed, his back leaning against the wooden headboard, his head bowed down so that his hair was hiding his eyes. From time to time he was sighing and jerking and I knew that he had already been crying after the first sentences.

He looked so pitiful, so helpless and confused that I took a few steps towards him. He didn’t move, he wasn’t sensing me anymore; he was lost in his thoughts.

At this moment I realized how cruelly I had been talking, how terribly honest it was to tell him that I would lick his boots if he ordered me to do that. I was hesitating and wondering whether I should quickly leave that room and go to my own to think about my stupid words but this wouldn’t help either of us.

Sanzo was just leaning there, not even daring to move into a more comfortable pose. I finally decided to wake him up from his dark daydreams and carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. The mattress dipped under my weight and made Sanzo fall towards me so I spread my arms and hugged him. He didn’t resist at all, he quietly let it happen, desperately searching for the human touch that he had been craving for… just like me.

I forgave him, I forgave him everything, I would even forgive him if he left me and then came back again to search for comfort. There was no need to say anything anymore, words were meaningless, it felt just right to sit there and enjoy the feeling of the other.

But I couldn’t resist opening my mouth, I never could and I hated myself for that.

"Just a few days but they seemed like an eternity. I really missed your touch, Sanzo."

"Me too..."

I was quite stunned when I heard him talking because I didn’t expect him to answer me, at least not in his current mood. His voice was a mix of excuse, regret and longing and I couldn’t but smile at him and his way of getting along with the world.

I embraced him tighter to show him how much I appreciated his words in those hopeless times. He responded and for the first time after 3 long days he was raising his head to look straight into my eyes.

Seconds, which seemed like hours, were lost in his drooping but clear purple diamonds filled with curiosity, relief, a glow of affection and even a hint of lust. I bent my head until the tips of our noses were just millimeters away from each other and waited for the world to end.

The room was quiet, filled with anticipation.

All of a sudden he moved his head, took my lip into his mouth and sucked hard. Everything was forgotten, the grief as well as the anger and sadness and he pulled me down but moved aside so that I was lying under him with Sanzo -how could it be different- on top of me. Always in control of the situation, never incautious, just like Sanzo.

Nothing had changed.

My thoughts were interrupted by a harder bite on my lip, which drew blood, and I pulled back my head in a reflex action. Nothing had changed indeed; he was staring at me like a lurking panther, just waiting for the victim to move so that he could play with it before he would end the game.

The dream had been forgotten and all that mattered now was this, me submitting to him.

I swallowed and bent back my head, just like a dog showing his owner his most vulnerable spot, and he leaned in and rained teasing bites over my neck down to my collarbone, where he stopped and laid down his head, closing his eyes.

I was wondering about the brief game but all he needed now was comfort.

Comfort like only somebody who understood him would be able to give him, so I put my hands on his chest and lifted him up a bit so that I could bury my face in his hair and smell the all so familiar scent of it. The last thing I remembered was his hand lazily drawing patterns over my lower belly and the bulge there, which was unwillingly growing bigger in my pants.

---

When I woke up I didn’t open my eyes at first. I could still feel him resting on my chest and I shifted a bit, careful not to wake him. But he was already awake and now turned his head to see whether I was shifting in my sleep or just woken up. I smiled at him and caressed his cheek, still and forever fascinated by his pale, smooth skin which was glowing a light gold in the faint afternoon sun.

"The nightmares have stopped", he told me in a low voice, "It was beautiful."

With a smile I responded that I was glad to hear that, and then it freaked me out when I saw him raising the corners of his mouth, an expression that always gave his face the look of a kind-hearted and rare beauty.

Just now the door cracked open and Hakkai came running in; he always had a rotten sense of timing.

With his eyes closed and that perpetual smile on his face he asked, "Do you want some tea? Or coffee? Something for lunch?"

But we were shocked from the sudden attack, trying to calm down our pulse and not saying anything so he opened his eyes to stare at us.

"Hell, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to disturb your... ahm... you..."

He didn’t move at all.

"Hakkai, don’t you have something better to do than to stand there and stare at us like we raped your pet?" Sanzo spat out in his usual annoyed voice.

"Well... sorry," and with an embarrassed smile he turned and hurried out of the room.

I was still wondering how he could have loved his sister when now he couldn’t even turn his face away from two men embracing each other. Sanzo put an end to my amusing thoughts with a sigh.

"He still believes that he can turn us from coffee lovers into old tea drinkers. Ridiculous."

"Right."

We both smiled at our accordance and got up to go to the kitchen and enjoy our beloved coffee.

It was a nice feeling to drink coffee with Sanzo again; it tasted so much better than yesterday. When he had finished his coffee he grabbed my hair, dragged me up und ordered me into his room without a word. Hakkai had been sitting there and staring like an idiot and neither did I manage a better gaze.

I still had my cup of coffee in my hand when he told me to sit down on the floor but Gods… the view was fantastic.

Sanzo was stripping down in front of me, freeing his already hard cock and I couldn’t but smile at the fact that he had been hard all the time while drinking his coffee so silently. Always in total control.

He stood in front of me, his swollen member just centimeters away from my face.

"Do you want to be Top or Bottom?"

I was quite surprised by that question because he had never asked me before which mood I was in - not that it had been a problem but...

"I don’t care. I’ll be the part you want me to be."

"Well, then you are Bottom."

"Just as usual. I love it when you are so demanding and bossy, Sanzo-chan."

I knew that he hated this name and that it would annoy him to no ends.

"I planned to let you suck me off but considering this now…"

With a sudden movement he kicked my head back so that it slammed hard against the floor, causing a throbbing headache and black spots and his foot remained possessively on my throat.

"I will treat you like dirt and I don’t give a shit whether you are satisfied with that or not."

"Go ahead."

I was so glad to have him back. I stared at him in anticipation and I was already getting hard form the imagination of what he wanted to do with me tonight because his plans were always interesting and he never left me down.

"I hope you like that, otherwise you will suffer from it quite a lot."

He was smiling at me in an unhealthy way (for me) and I knew that he would give his best to make me feel good tonight after such a long time without any touch from him.

First he tied me up with our cuffs then he made me knee in front of him, and I could almost smell the delicate scent of his cock. His hand reached out and he held me at the back of my head.

"Open your mouth."

I was wondering what he was up to; I could almost imagine how he wanted me to feel humiliated. I did what he wanted me to, so he took his dick in his hand and then shoved it in until the tip of it was touching the back of my mouth. Even I wasn’t quite used to such an attack to the inner parts of my mouth and I couldn’t avoid letting the reflex make me gag.

Innocently he peered down at me.

"Is there any problem?"

Hell but he was devilish tonight.

While I was looking up at him tears were starting to roll down my cheeks, must have come from that reflex and that satisfied him even more - I could feel his cock twitching inside my mouth. I was glad when he pulled back a bit just to let me suck in some air and then with a force that I hadn’t expected he pushed in again so that my head rocked back and forth. He was such a pervert.

"Are you enjoying your time down there?"

Of course I was, his cock tasted as marvellous as ever and I was hard as a rock from the humiliation. He was fucking my face now, hard but careful not to break my neck, he would have been able to do that in his ecstasy, I was sure of that. When I tasted pre-cum on his cock he stopped for a moment and leaned down to whisper into my ear.

"I want you to bite down on my tip when I’m coming, as hard as you dare."

And then he continued his punishing rhythm; my face was wet from my tears and with some violent thrashes he finally released into my mouth...

I bit down like he ordered me to do and he nearly doubled over from the sensation, he had to get hold of my head not to fall on the floor. He screamed and twisted, cried my name and scratched over my whole face and when he had enough of it he pulled out his cock. I immediately fell down and coughed like I was choking on something -which I actually had been - and I gagged like there would be no tomorrow. I already felt weak and spent after that but Sanzo mercilessly kicked me in the side.

"Get up you fucking bastard and lick me clean, there is semen everywhere."

He was so different from our other sessions but I began to like that relentless side of him. Maybe he had seen that he was already thinking in that pattern and he was enjoying it so much that he could come from it... I adored him for that.

I straightened my back and took his cock into my hand to lift it up a bit so that I could reach his testicles with my tongue. He chuckled again from that other sensation and I was making sure that I was teasing the hell out of him while slowly cleaning him up.

I took his balls into my mouth, gently suckling at them, squeezing them as hard as I dared and then releasing them only to take them once again into my warm cavern. Above me Sanzo was desperately trying to hold back those little moans and cries of pleasure to show me that he wasn’t enjoying this at all and that he was as a Top in control of the situation. But he successfully failed and writhed beneath me with an almost painful expression on his face, and under moans and screams he complained,

"Fuck...you are doing this... on purpose."

I stopped for a moment and let his already stiff cock fall from my mouth.

"I’m just doing what you tell me to do. I can’t do anything about it if you’ve lost some of your stamina since the last time we did it."

That was an insult that he couldn’t just pretend he hadn’t heard.

"You are getting really nasty, you know? I think I will have to flog you..."

And we both felt good as hell that he was saying out loud what I had been wishing for the whole day.

"Get rid of your pants and sit down on the bed with your back to the room."

After those words he disappeared and I did as he had told me. I felt so curious about what he was up to this time but I was sure that he wouldn’t disappoint me. He never did.

I didn’t hear him entering the room again but I gave a little cry of surprise when I felt him touching my back with his cold fingers.

"Sit straight, I won’t allow you any other posture. You got me?"

"Yes."

It was really strange. And it was hard to stiffen my back and remain in that position but that was the thrill he wanted to give me. And I absolutely wasn’t prepared for the stinging hard lash of the whip that hit my back with its full force.

I cried out and tensed but he didn’t wait for me to catch my breath and laid even more power into the next strike, which also made me scream even more. After the fifth strike I didn’t have the power to sit straight anymore; I let my shoulders hang down but I immediately was punished with a strike from Sanzo which was three times harder than the others.

"I told you to sit straight."

"Yes, I… didn’t forget about that but... my back is killing me, Sanzo."

I was honest, it really was and I couldn’t do anything against it so I risked searching for a more comfortable posture but Sanzo didn’t show any mercy.

"Fucking brat… did I allow you to move on your own?"

"I can’t stand that any more."

I was starting to get desperate.

"Well, that is the sensation and thrill of it."

But he must have seen that it was impossible for me to sit straight anymore with my sore back; the lack of sleep and the smacks of the whip were doing their best to ruin it. He put the whip down and licked over the bloody stripes the strikes had formed on my dark skin. My hair was hanging into my sight, it was sticky and wet from my sweat and Sanzo put it away from my eyes. I caught a brief look of his face and saw that he was breathing heavily; his skin glistened in a light sheen of sweat and his hair stuck to his eyes as well.

Then he reached out to touch my hard nipples, first lazily stroking them, and then painfully pinching them until I was flinching under the pain. Smirking, he whispered into my ear "You damn half-breed... denied me my pleasure for almost 3 days...I should really teach you some manners."

I was still trying to sort out the breathing thing when he quickly reached down and placed a ring on my hard cock. I gasped because it was cold and much too tight for my dick now.

I didn’t need this. I was able to control myself pretty good when it came to the not-coming-first thing. Believe it or not, when we didn’t share the same opinion about something more or less serious we always sorted out the problem with the sex fight game.

"You are hard. Don’t you want to come?"

With a smile at that intelligent comment I looked into his eyes without realizing the trap.

"I’m just waiting for you to make me come."

"So you want to come... well, that’s good because I don’t want you to come. Problem solved."

I was sighing, annoyed of the fact that I wasn’t used to that ruthless behaviour of his and to make it worse I couldn’t stand the feeling of my cock anymore. It felt like it could have burst any second, so I tried a new strategy.

"Sanzo... look, I can’t bear this feeling anymore, it’s really getting painful down there… especially with your cock ring which actually made it worse."

"Did I ask you to tell me about your situation? I can’t remember asking that. You are pretty reluctant tonight."

Sanzo reached out, much too quickly for me to understand what would happen next.

The slap hit me hard and I struggled to remain seated on the bed.

"An eye for an eye. And a tooth for a tooth."

And with a self-pleased smile he moved in front of me while I was still perplexed by what had just happened.

Sanzo bent down to tease the tip of my cock and I writhed in pain, it was unbelievable what an uncomfortable torture that little ring could be. But Sanzo wasn’t satisfied yet. His plans for the night were much more subtle.

He grabbed me by my neck and threw me on the floor so that I was lying with my face down in the dirt.
He treated me like a toy that he didn’t need anymore because he had found a better one.

"Teheh...how do you like this."

I heard some sounds, I suppose he was lubing himself up and I was wondering why he was doing that now when he still had to stretch me.

Wrong idea.

He firmly gripped my hips and thrust into my tight hole with all the power remaining in him after coming almost twice from my skills. I couldn’t have told heaven from hell, above from beyond and right from left when he broke through my body, ripping me apart from toe to head and all the time he was laughing that goddamn self pleased chuckle which forced me to realize my helplessness.

I had a really different Sanzo riding me this time, I hated and loved him for that. Actually I just loved him because my hate was the result of the pain he caused me to feel. My throat was sore from screaming and taking him into my mouth and all I could manage as an expression of the mind-killing pain I was feeling was a hoarse cry, which was quickly drawn from me because he was riding me so hard and pressing my lungs to the floor so that I couldn’t breathe normally.

He hadn’t even waited for me to adjust; he took advantage of my surprise and rocked me to the floor so violently that I felt the skin peeling from my hipbones. He was fascinating when he had given up on holding back his sadistic side.

Another attempt at a desperate cry...

"Sanzoooo... could you… ah... hhhhah… wait a sec… hrhhh a second..."

I didn’t hear my own words because the humming in my ears, caused from the exertion, was so loud that all I could hear were just the faintest of sounds. I wasn’t even sure whether he had noticed me.

But he really stopped for a moment in his wild thrusts to reach for my hair and painfully pulled at it so that I was forced to look at him head foremost.

"What’s the matter?"

What a smug bastard he actually was, he knew very well what the matter was but he wanted me to beg him to stop. It had always pleased him to hear me begging. I felt anger building up at those false words and with the strength of fury I gave him a piece of my mind.

"You fucking asshole, could you stop for a moment and wait for me to catch up with your sick moods? You haven’t even put one finger into my asshole and then you expect me not to complain about the situation!"

"Well, if you insist that much on stretching your hole, which I personally find amazingly tight," he was grinning his ass off, "then reach out and put your fingers into it."

Slowly I was really losing my patience with him. He was teasing me in every manner.

"You sick psychopath… you tied my hands together, did you forget?! Would you be so kind as to free…”

I couldn’t end my sentence; with a blow he sent me back down again, my head hit the floor and with a new power he thrust again into my sore hole. I’m sure I must have bled like a pig from that raw treatment.

Just what the fuck?? He seemed like mad, his eyes were gleaming from the pleasure I was involuntarily giving him.

I gave it up; I gave up everything, crying on the floor, praying for an end of that torture and humiliation but he wasn’t going to give me that relief so fast. But hell that situation freaked me out; there is no greater pleasure than to feel so desperate and helpless. I was sick, just as sick as he was. We made a nice match.

Every time he drew back from my pelvis, my cock flew around so that it collided hard with the floor the next time he pushed back into the ring of muscle, which I couldn’t even feel anymore. My whole body hurt so much that I thought I would pass out right there and then. But the worst thing about it was the fact that every time he plunged into my ass he hit my sweet spot and the pain and even painful pleasure were overwhelming. I was already mewling and panting and screams escaped my mouth every time he teased my prostate. I couldn’t stifle my groans any longer and every goddamn touch of his skin drew a new series of thrills up and down my spine. Gods I felt so miserable.

The moment the pain got unbearable and caused a terrible headache, he came. His body tensed up and he yelled as he ejaculated into my wounded ass, which was hurting even more because of the fact that he had shredded it before with his violent rhythm. It felt like a hundred bee stings and it burned down to my bone; I tried to scream but I couldn’t fill my lungs with enough air.

He was leaning on top of me with his hands and nails digging into my back, shivering and still stiffly rocking his hips.

He finally collapsed on me, one shivering form on another quivering form, both breathing harshly. I was determined to get a load full of fresh air but his weight was pressing me down, no chance of getting up, which was impossible anyway.

I was crying like mad and I couldn’t believe that his soul was so dark that he would torture me like that. The picture of the caring and ever so worried Sanzo appeared in my mind, together with black spots and shining stars in my vision.

When his breathing was beginning to slow down he got up and sat down near me. Even he needed a moment to regain his strength after an orgasm. I didn’t move, I wasn’t even able to move at all but I got to suck in some air in the end and I felt my body getting lighter again.

"I frightened you, didn’t I?"

His voice was barely audible; he was shaking and also suffering from the lack of air. I was collecting my thoughts, concentrating on inhaling and exhaling and at the same time moving my tongue so that it would be words which would escape my mouth and not just moans.

"Yes..."

I couldn’t say more, I was too weak, too tired, in too much pain.

He turned his head, apparently lost in thoughts he wouldn’t share with me. Then he looked back into my eyes, with violet pools of doubt, his arms limply hanging from his shoulders. It seemed like now he was getting conscious of what he had done to me, because he moved me on my back. I didn’t have a choice, so I let it happen with an exhausted sound and he took away the cock ring, which had still been on my raging cock, preventing me from coming. I am sure I would have come, everybody would have.

I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the pain, which was omnipresent in my body. He also freed my hands from the cuffs and the first thing I did was to reach down and masturbate. I must have been a real picture of misery because now he was really feeling guilty and you could even see it in his eyes.

Sanzo grabbed my hand; as I looked up into his eyes it was like gazing into violet materialized sorrow.

I couldn’t help but smile weakly because in the end he was always caring for me. Instead of my hand he placed his own on my rock hard prick and started to pump softly. Filled with the pleasure of fulfilment I tilted back my head and enjoyed the feeling of his soft skin around my cock. When I felt my release coming I reached for Sanzo’s shoulder with my last strength remaining and leaned into his warm and sweaty chest. I moaned and bit him as I spilt my cum over his flushed hand and he was also glad to see me getting some relief.

I didn’t move after that, I couldn’t, and he took me into his arms, licking the pearls of sweat from my face. With a soft voice he was whispering into my ear...

"I’m so sorry about what happened just now... I’m so sorry..."

I took a deep breath and gave it a try.

"To be honest, I fucking enjoyed you raping me, although it felt like you tore my soul apart."

It was hard to talk, to make my tongue move but I had to tell him now or I never would.

"I was desperate. I wanted to die and I even wanted you honestly to stop but that gave me the thrills, it was a new and absolutely pleasant experience."

He was frowning; I doubted that he understood what I was confessing to him.

"First I...I wasn’t sure about what you were doing but then I remembered to trust you in everything you do. In every decision you make, in every situation you get us into."

"I’m really not worthy of you."

Dejection was filling his eyes.

I hated to hear him talking like that, no one ever deserved to think that way and I didn’t want so see my precious honey broken again.

"Fucking shut up and hold me tight. I don’t know how long I will be able to hold myself together without any help from you."

After some moments of intensive thinking, Sanzo spoke again.

"Is it really that bad to get fucked without being stretched before?"

I was amused by how fast his mood could change.

"Well, we can try it the next time you are Bottom. But it IS the worst thing I have ever experienced, thanks to you, it’s like trying to put a melon into your mouth."

"Then where is the problem if you’re telling me that you liked it?"

"That’s not the point!"

"You enjoyed being the unknowing victim. Admit that it made you hard when you were feeling me really hurting you… you non-con pervert."

I loved him… He was such an asswipe, but still a mental wreck, determined to let the ones who he loved have a good time and not letting them suffer from the pain and guilt he had to carry all alone by himself.

Non-con pervert... sad but true. Well, not sad at all. He was the same in blue.

"I love you, Sanzo."

He seemed a bit surprised after that but he hugged me with even more feeling and love and then took me in his arms and carried me to the bed. He, carrying me to bed! Normally this was my job, he was always too exhausted to get up by himself when we had finished our sessions so that I had to carry him to bed. It felt wonderful.

I really had been enjoying that act of atrocity because it was him who had dared to hurt me like that, the red stripes on my back were his work and the burning pain in my lower regions was also his.

When he had laid me down he sat down there as well, it was far past midnight now but neither of us felt tired enough to fall asleep. I was tired and powerless but I bet I couldn’t have slept if I had to. He was caressing my cheek. I loved it when he was absent minded and still caring for me.

"Sanzo...did you have fun?"

I wanted to see him twisting with his guilt. He turned his head to think about what he should tell me because he knew that I expected a "Yes" and then I would think that he had gone nuts.

"Come on, you don’t have to think about it, just tell me the truth."

"Yes, I had fun."

"You see, it wasn’t that hard."

"Yeah, and now you know that I’m a goddamn psychopath. You were right about that."

"First, I don’t know anything and secondly, I love psychopaths. Makes your life a lot more interesting, to be such a freak."

Smiling about that nonsense, I turned my head. It was really too stupid to believe.

"And I never called you a psychopath. I just didn’t have any other bad word for you so I picked this one because it was the only one I had in mind. And besides… I have always been waiting for the chance to call you a psychopath, honey."

"You shitty half-breed."



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