Heartplace

Heartplace
By plastiK

Chapter One
Unbearable, Incontrollable


I didn’t mean for this to happen. I was a lonely boy looking for love… but in the wrong places. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Gods… It wasn’t everyday when I meet someone who could take the breath from me. Oh gods… Why did it have to be her? Why did she have to be so beautifully broken? So vulnerable… So …like me?

“S-Syaoran… ugh… what are you doing?”

There was fear in her glittery green eyes, but I could not control myself. Damnit. What the heck was I doing?

My hands were latched over her wrists, and she was struggling to break my hold. I only held on tighter in all of my desperation – I wouldn’t want her running, would I? “Sakura-san,” I hissed.

She scrunched up her face. “Let me go Syaoran!”

I glared. “I won’t.” What was she thinking? Did she realize what I’ve become just because of her? I shook my head. No, she didn’t. Obviously… This wasn’t right. But then again, what is right? Damnit. This is right!

I moved my foot in-between her legs and tripped her. She squealed as I maneuvered her onto the bed. Oh bloody god. I want this! I want this! This is mine!

I held her down with my weight, uncompromising to her whispery pleas. I even clasped my hand over her raunchy mouth to keep her still. She stared up at me in reaction, her widened eyes utterly petrified at what I was doing. I frowned considerably. Where was the love in her eyes? She was supposed to have a warm glow in her eyes, not – NOT THIS! Not fear and confusion! No…

She muffled something inaudible and I quickly looked down.

I lowered my head so that my face was centimeters from hers, my hand still clasped over her lips. “Sakura-san,” I pleaded, my eyes bouncing from one green eye to the next. “Y-You said you loved me right?” I watched her as she narrowed her eyes. “You said, ‘I love you.’ It was in the front balcony… The sun was setting… And-And I gave you my jacket because it was getting cold.” I scowled. “Why do you have fear in your eyes, Sakura-san?”

She muffled something in almost a screech. I let go by accident and heard her words; my heart shattered at once.

“You’re my brother Syaoran!”

I grinded my teeth. “You’re wrong! We’re not related by blood! We’re not Sakura-san! And-And you’ve just started living with us! How could you already feel that we are siblings! No! We’re not siblings! We can’t be, otherwise I wouldn’t have these feelings now, would I?”

I wrapped my arms around her tightly, my head pressing into the crook of her neck. “Please Sakura-san, let me unclothe you. Please Sakua-san, with your consent, let me.”

She grasped my arms and tried to push me off her. When she couldn’t, she burst into tears. The sharp noises of melancholy rung into my ears and I rolled over to take the spot beside her on impulse. Okay, she was free. …But she did not stop sobbing. I glanced at her, my eyes squinting. What have you done? I thought to myself. Why didn’t you control yourself? I cursed inwardly.

When mother said to take good care of Sakura, I forgot to listen. I wasn’t supposed to make her cry. I was supposed to make her feel at home, but …I couldn’t. No! I didn’t want her to feel at home. If she felt at home, then that meant I was really her brother. I sighed. That’s illogical thinking though. After all, mother signed all the documents to adopt Sakura, which legally made her my sister. I could not put a stop to it; we are siblings by law.

I reached over to the nightstand and pulled out two sheets of tissues from the tissue box. I removed her balled fists from her eyes, and used the tissues to gently dab at her tears. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, fighting back the urge to cry myself. My heart was wrenching so badly I thought the gut would squeeze out.

Pressing a hand to the mattress, I hurled myself to the ground. I looked at her longingly for a few minutes before leaving.

“Night. Sakura-san…”

I forced myself to pick up my feet and ambled towards the door. The most difficult thing I did next was closing the door. That door put a barrier between me and Sakura. It brought us farther apart, not that we weren’t already.

I touched the doorframe of her room, sniffing quietly. Bringing a thumb and index finger up to my face, I swiped at the tears that threatened to spill. My eyebrows furrowed in my own misery. …It just wasn’t fair. Right then as I started to walk back to my room, I knew I was alone. Tonight was the night I would feel the pain of solitude, the pain of lonesomeness, only it was twice as harsh. Why? Because there was no one with me to take that all away.

I had to ruin it because I could not control myself.

I could not have my sleepovers with Sakura anymore.


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Disclaimer: All rights reserved to clamp. Except! …the plot. Lol… ^^