The Yaoi Doujinshi of Suzumiya Haruhi

Title: The Yaoi Doujinshi of Suzumiya Haruhi
Author: myth720
Rating: R
Fandom: The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi
Pairing: Koizumi x Kyon x Koizumi
Summary: Haruhi discovers the joys of yaoi. Kyon loses his virginity and saves the world. (yup, still suck at summaries)

thanks Evercool for the beta! ♥

a'right, i hope you enjoy this fiction, it's quite silly =)


The Yaoi Doujinshi of Suzumiya Haruhi
~*~

Getting out of the club activity was easy enough. Mainly because Haruhi didn’t show up. To my relief, Koizumi didn’t say anything about the note. We played a board game for a bit, before deciding to call it a day. Bidding farewell to the lovely Asahina-san and Nagato-san who didn’t grace us with her voice that afternoon, Koizumi and I made our way to the empty student council lounge.

Koizumi put his schoolbag on the couch and turned to me. “So, what did you need to talk about?”

“Like you don’t know,” I growled. I guess, on some level, I was hoping he was also going through torment since that day… aside from, you know, almost dying due to a fatal injury and all that.

“What could it be?” he asked, still with that calm, smiling face. So annoying. Is there ever anything other than a formidable closed space shaking him up? I would like to know.

I threw my bag and stepped towards him. Don’t hold me accountable to my words, Koizumi. I’m officially out of my mind. Feel free to ignore what I’m going to say and laugh at my expense.

“I want to do it,” I said. “I want to… have sex… with you.”

He gawked. Of course why wouldn’t he gawk? I sounded like a horny teenager begging his chaste girlfriend for a taste of forbidden fruit.

“I don’t really mind, but…” Koizumi said with his usual expression. It sure didn’t take him long to get over the shock. With how many people have you done this before, Koizumi? No, I don’t want to know.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Of course I’m not, how could I be?” I furrowed my brow.

“You can’t justify it like the other time and ignore it.”

I can’t ignore that time either, that’s exactly the problem. Am I the only one that sees that?

“I know. But I… I need to do it.” I hate it, I hate to admit it, but I must know if I can feel that way again. There’s got to be something wrong with me.

“Men are really interesting creatures, aren’t they?” Koizumi moved towards me and touched my face ever so lightly.

Oi, didn’t you say that about women not so long ago? So everyone is an interesting creature in your eyes, huh?

“I have to admit I’ve always found myself somewhat attracted to you. What is it in you that can drive Suzumiya-san to certain extremes? I think I can understand that a little better now.”

If you understand that, can you explain it to me too? I don’t get what you’re talking about at all, and frankly I’m still a bit creeped out. Can we just get it over with?

Without a warning, he towered over me and covered my mouth with his. I felt his lips pressing against mine… it felt… soft, just like in my dreams, and warm. A warm feeling floated in me, filling up my chest. He slowly pushed me back, until I found myself pinned to the wall. I’ve already been in this situation before!
I felt his tongue prodding at my lips. That’s just playing dirty!

Before I could resist, his tongue entered my mouth, frolicking around my own tongue. I didn’t really know what I was supposed to do, so I just went with it and hoped it won’t be too weird. He seemed pretty experienced and it made me feel even more nervous. And also very aroused.

When he broke the kiss, we both gasped for air. I didn’t even realize I wasn’t breathing.

But he was already undoing my tie and unbuttoning my shirt. You sure work fast Koizumi!

“What are you…”

He put a finger to my lips, and looked at me with a defying gleam in his eyes. “Let me show you how it’s done… that’s what you really want, isn’t it?”
Too sharp. Even I haven’t realized it yet.

He pressed his lips to my exposed neck, and… And it felt pretty damn good. Too good. It was nothing like the other time. To my defense, I want to remind you it was a dire situation, not just a lewd rendezvous in the students lounge. It had nothing to do with the fact I was an inexperienced virgin. Nothing at all.

His talented mouth moved all over my body, and he dropped down to his knees. It was just like in the movies. I realized I was already quite wet even before his mouth touched my… yeah, my thing. I was pretty close to coming right then and there, but he moved back up and whispered in my ear, “Not yet.”

That perverted bastard. I felt a chill in my bones and he quietly moved me towards the sofa. “Wait am I the… the uke?” I asked hesitantly.

“I told you I’ll teach you how it’s done,” he smirked.

My mind was too foggy to protest, and frankly I was a bit curious to know how it felt… did I just say that? I didn’t. Pretend you didn’t hear that.

Anyway, as he moved on top of me, I noticed through his open shirt the large white bandage over his right side of the stomach. Seems like he still didn’t completely recover as he was pretending to, but I didn’t press on the subject, because, well… I felt this unreasonable desire to feel him and it would’ve probably killed the moment. Men are dangerous creatures, Koizumi, not interesting.

It hurt when he pushed inside me. It hurt a lot. He kept telling me to relax, but how could I relax when he put his… his… his freaky thing inside me?!
After a while the pain eased up a little, or maybe I was. But it was another new feeling, and I was already leaking all over the place, I think I even came before he did, maybe not. My mind wasn’t really with me, obviously.

I felt sore once the excitement faded. A lot of muscles I didn’t know I had started to ache. But I didn’t regret it, against all reason. I didn’t know what to think of myself anymore.

There was only one thing I now knew for certain. There was a lustful monster inside of me, craving and waiting for the moment to be awakened once more.

“Next time I’ll show you how fast I learn,” I wagged my finger at him.

“I’ll look forward to that,” he laughed. “But for now we have to go before we get locked in.”

I rushed to collect back my clothes and dressed up quickly. We parted ways before the station, and I looked at his back as he walked away. Did this insanity really happen? My body which was still pulsing a little too fast provided the answer. I shouldn’t have given in to this lust, because I felt now like I was not going to be satiated with just leaving it as it is. It was only a matter of time.

Wait a minute, wait a minute! Cut! What the hell am I doing? You must be wondering what the hell happened…. Yeah I’m sort of wondering myself! No! I know what happened. If I said I fell into a wormhole and came out in an alternate dimension… it wouldn’t be too far-fetched would it?

Well anyway. It all started that cursed Friday. As usual, I knocked on the door hoping to hear the lovely Asahina-san (who is a senior now, can you believe it?) greeting me, instead of Haruhi’s snappy “come in!”
I felt lucky that day, when she answered with her sweet, shy voice. I sighed happily and walked in. if only I had known what was to come… I’d know it was far from being my lucky day.

Asahina-san hummed to herself as she made tea. The room’s most valuable accessory, also known as Nagato-san, was sitting quietly in her corner with a book. Haruhi was yet to storm in and Koizumi was also tardy as usual. In short, it seemed like a normal day for our not so normal club. There were no warning signs.

“Here you go, Kyon-kun, I hope it’s not too hot.” Asahina-san narrowly avoided tripping with the tea tray as she laid my cup before me.
“Thank you, Asahina-san,” I said half dreamingly as I inhaled the scent of her shampoo. The sweetest scent ever.

I brought the steaming mug to my lips and almost dropped it when the door burst open in the unmistakable fashion that could only mean one thing… a very ominous thing.

“I have an idea!” the demon, wearing the form of a beautiful Japanese high-school girl announced. Haruhi had a new idea. That can’t be good.

She waved a manga book, a huge smile plastered on her face. She walked into the room and slammed the book on the table; Asahina-san cowered in her seat, letting out a little yelp.

In the corner of my eyes the art on the cover of the book was a beautiful, romantic picture of barely clothed kimono-clad couple in a risqué position.

“We’re going to start a Doujinshi circle!” Haruhi announced and chuckled in satisfaction, rubbing her chin as her mind was surely trying to keep up with the work overload.

“What, what? Can you repeat that? For a moment I thought you said you wanted to create a Doujinshi circle.” I was the only one who talked back. Maybe I was the only one stupid enough to do it… and still try it after a year knowing it had no effect on Haruhi.

“Yes, that’s right!” she was still smug. “I already thought of a name! The SOS Brigade Doujinshi Circle! I registered us and booked us a booth in the upcoming Comiket.”

Haruhi, if this is a joke, I’m not laughing. No, I know by now she’s not capable of making jokes. I just blinked. I would have been surprised if I had not known her for a year now. Maybe I should be surprised that I’m not surprised at every crazy idea she brings up, because frankly it’s quite surprising. You would be surprised wouldn’t you?

“But… we can’t draw…” I started.

“I can draw. I was in the art club for a little bit.”

That’s right, when we were making that horrid movie for the school festival, she was the one who did the storyboard.

“Drawing art is a little bit different than drawing manga…” I don’t know why I still bothered to reason with her.

“I was also in the manga club for a short while.”

“Writing?”

“The creative writing club.”

I decided it was a good time to give up. Meanwhile Asahina-san was getting red as she flipped through the obviously erotic manga Haruhi brought.
So cute. Oh Asahina-san, you shouldn’t taint yourself with such abomination.

“…and Kyon and Koizumi-kun will model!” I was forcefully brought back to my senses from my daydreaming about Asahina-san looking so cute as the innocent, large-breasted angel in the SOS Brigade manga version.

“Wait, what?” why was my name said in the same breath with Koizumi… and models?

“Isn’t it obvious?” Haruhi looked down at me, as if wondering whether I might just be the long sought after alien. “It’s going to be a BL manga! BEE EL! Yaoi!”

“And what does this B.L mean exactly? Are we supposed to know?” I honestly didn’t know. As a young boy, I read Shounen Jump and other similar magazines religiously, but that was pretty much the extent of my knowledge.
Even today (though it didn’t happen that long ago) I still wish the me from the future would travel in time and save the me of that day, but it didn’t happen. (I wonder what time period exactly Asahina-san came from… can’t you teach me your secrets Asahina-san? I will only use them for the good!)

“BL stands for Boys Love. shounen ai. A genre primarily written by women for women and deals with love between two men.” Nagato-san, who was quiet so far, offered a definition (actually she used more words and maybe some examples and statistics, but that’s the gist I now still remember).

Asahina-san turned even redder as silence fell on the room. That silence was quickly interrupted with a knock on the door and Koizumi walked in, with his usual unnerving smile. “I thought you already went home, it was so quiet.” He said.

Unfortunately it was a cue for Haruhi to spring back to life.

“Great timing!” she said and pointed her finger up. “We’re going to write a yaoi doujinshi, you and Kyon are going to model the poses for me!”

“Oh.”

Oh? Oh, he said, so lightly, like it doesn’t concern him. Like Haruhi was talking about something insignificant like the weather. Is there anything that would surprise you, Koizumi? I didn’t think so.

“Now to figure out who’s the seme and who’s the uke.” Haruhi was already moving on. She threw me an intense glare that made me cower in my seat a little. What did I do?? She then turned to look at Koizumi, all the time rubbing her chin with her finger, like The Thinking Man.

Seme? Uke? What is going on here and do I really want to know?

“Kyon stand up next to Koizumi-kun for a moment!” she barked at me and I hastily got up, scrunching up my face in displeasure.

“Hmm, I guess Koizumi will be the seme since he’s taller.” She passed her judgment.

“Wait, what does that mean?!” I asked, getting alarmed.

“Seme is the one on top, and uke is the one on the bottom,” Koizumi explained to me, in an even voice. “You know… in homosexual sex.”

……………

I was just a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit freaked out he knew such a thing, but I don’t think I was surprised.

“Why am I the uke?!” I turned to Haruhi. “Wait, no! what I meant is WHY are we doing this and also, no way in hell I’m going through with this!”

“Ugh Kyon!” she growled at me and folded her arms. “Don’t you know anything? BL is the most popular manga genre in Japan! In fact it’s becoming a world-wide phenomenon! Girls love pretty boys together, they’re gonna go crazy and we can make a lot of money and become famous. World-wide famous! We could get fangirls in America and actually maybe even from all over the world! It’s our big chance!” Haruhi flushed me with her ravings.

“No, no, no! I don’t want to be a part of this!” I shook my head. “Why can’t we do a normal love story. A High-school boy meets a lovely, older, but innocent girl…” I glanced at Asahina-san.

“That’s so boring!!” Haruhi scowled at me. “Right, Mikuru-chan?” she jumped on the poor girl and made her drop the manga book from her hands.

“What about that book?” I pointed at it. “They still publish old romantic stories like these!”

Asahina-san blushed furiously again. It would have been cute, if I could indulge myself. But she just started to stammer. “A-a-a-a… i-i-i-i-it’s…”

“It’s a yaoi book. Yaoi is more graphic than BL manga and focuses less on the story and more on the sex.” (Nagato-san’s explanation Short Version.)

“No way, it’s a GIRL!” I grabbed the book and flipped through.

I think I’ve become redder than Asahina-san’s hair when the “girl” in the what was without a doubt a loosen (female style!) kimono, was blushing elegantly as the man, dressed in yukata opened it more, revealing her…HIM, to be quite well-equipped, actually.

“No way, but he looks cute like a girl… even cuter…” I felt a bit nauseous even saying that.

“Well, isn’t it just like love between a man and a woman, only there are two men?” Koizumi smiled and the hairs on the back of my neck stood. “Women are interesting creatures.” He added.

No Koizumi, interesting creatures are those cute seals that perform tricks in the aquarium. What’s so interesting about crazy girls wanting to see two men (technically anyway) going at it like horny dogs?!

“Why are you so nonchalant about it, anyway?” I asked him. “You don’t actually want to do this do you?”

“I don’t mind,” he said and Haruhi gave me a smug little hnhn chuckle of victory. “Besides, I’m going to be the man.”

“And I’ll be the woman?! I don’t look this girly! I mean, I don’t look girly!!”

“Anyway, this place is too small. We’re going to need at least a couch.” Haruhi was already thinking ahead, even though I still haven’t given my consent, not that it mattered.

Haruhi left the room in a storm, just like how she showed up and I slumped back in my chair and went back to sipping my tea that grew lukewarm.

“Kyon-kun… I’m sorry…” Asahina-san was already offering her condolences. Or maybe she was secretly happy that for once it wasn’t her who was going to be raped. I feel you, Asahina-san~ we’re kindred souls, aren’t we?

“It’s not your fault, Asahina-san.” I smiled brightly at her and took another sip from my tea.

She just blushed. “No… but… I gave this book to Haruhi…” she held that book with the horribly misleading beautiful cover art on her chest. “I-i-it’s mine…”

I spewed my tea directly on her face. She squeaked in surprise.

“Ack, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I handed her my handkerchief and she blushed as she accepted it.

I really did not intend to do that, but it was out of my control. I was trying to hold back my laughter too hard. The book is Asahina-san’s. There’s gotta be a limit to how much she can cover for Haruhi, even if she’s really that afraid of her.

“You don’t have to lie for her, Asahina-san…” I laughed, tears forming in my eyes.

“No…” she folded back the handkerchief. “It’s really…. I… I… I’m a yaoi fan…” she said very meekly.

I think the smile stayed frozen on my face. That confession was boggling the mind. However long that lasted, I found myself glaring at Koizumi. He was sitting with that obnoxiously calm smile on his face, like we were talking about… well, it doesn’t matter what because he always looks like that, the bastard.

So that’s how it started. The next day, somehow Haruhi took over the student council lounge. I don’t know how, and I don’t want to know, and I’m glad I wasn’t there to know, but I suspect Asahina-san was forced into it, since she was no where to be seen, the poor girl. Anyway, that’s where we were temporarily relocated to.

Nagato-san was sitting in an armchair in the corner, reading… a yaoi manga. It was unmistakably a yaoi manga this time. Haruhi took over directing Koizumi and the poor me into all kinds of positions, sketching it in her paper block.

It was okay at first, a bit tedious but nothing intimidating. Just standing together, side by side. Then her directions started to border on the ludicrous.

Koizumi had to pin me to the wall.

“You’re too close!” I proclaimed.

“Idiot, he’s supposed to be!” Haruhi yelled. “Lean over him closer, Koizumi-kun!”

“Yes, yes.” He was happy to follow her orders. Too happy!

We stood like that for a while as Haruhi sketched it.

“Don’t breathe on me!” I hissed at him, hoping Haruhi didn’t hear.

“Sorry, sorry.” His smile, so close, was even more unnerving than at the standard distance.

He was so close that I could feel his body’s heat, though our bodies weren’t touching.

“Move your knee between his legs,” Haruhi finally said.

“What? No way!” I yelled.

“Not you, dummy! Koizumi-kun. Koi-zu-mi.” she brushed off my protest just like that.

“This is a little awkward.” He smiled sheepishly.

“Gee, you think?” I snapped at him. “Don’t touch me for real, it’s giving me the creeps!” I said when I felt his knee touching my groin lightly. My groin, people!
How long am I going to be a victim? I suddenly felt what Asahina-san must have been feeling all this time, constantly touched and groped by Haruhi.

Koizumi moved again, his arm I think, on Haruhi’s instructions that I couldn’t hear. I was too busy trying to deny the heat that washed through my body. Koizumi’s body felt so hot, like I was being embraced by fire. It must be because he’s not a normal human being.

I also tried to deny my lower part was starting to wake up. I prayed that no one, especially Koizumi, had noticed anything. His knee was still between my legs and it was getting risky. This better be over soon. Haruhi, isn’t there anything new to catch your attention?

“Now kiss him.” Haruhi ordered as if she was asking him to go to the cafeteria and buy her lunch or something as equally mundane as that.

“Now wait a minute!” I objected and pushed Koizumi away before he could abide.

“You didn’t say there were going to be kisses!” I frowned at her, trying uselessly to browbeat her into her senses. That could probably work if Haruhi had any sense… in the common sense of the word.

“What are you so up in arms for? It’s just a kiss, Kyon! We’re not in middle school, stop being such a puss. We haven’t even gotten to the couch scene.”

“Hey, hey. I didn’t agree to do this. Forget about it. Can’t you just copy poses from one of Asahina-san’s books?”

“I can’t plagiarize! It’s illegal!” she shouted back in all seriousness.

Give me a break Haruhi, you can’t be serious. I’m almost laughing here, can’t you see? After everything you’ve done you’re starting to be considerate of the law?

“You don’t have to actually do it, but pretend to. Actors do it all the time!” she tried a subtler approach.

“I’m not an actor!” I yelled, frustrated. “I’m not getting paid! I’m not doing this anymore!” I straightened my tie and grabbed my jacket. “In fact, I’m never going to do this again! Ever!”

I walked towards the door. Even Nagato-san raised her head from the book to look at me.

“Kyo~on, come back here!” Haruhi shouted. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m going home. I’m quitting the SOS Brigade, you hear me? I quit!” without looking back, I walked out and slammed the door behind me.

Maybe I was a little dramatic, but that’s only to be expected after a year around Haruhi. My drama was small scale compared to her. Or so I thought.

~*~

That night, I dreamed about that bastard Koizumi out of all people. The scenario was the same as the one Haruhi set up. His body was hot and his lips soft, like a girl’s. Well, I’m gonna spare you the details, yeah.
Actually when I woke up, I felt so sick (and dirty), I decided it’s a good enough reason to skip school that day.

I was starting to think what I’m gonna do now that I’m free of that damn SOS Brigade. Could I go back to live a normal, peaceful life? Hell yeah!
I was actually looking forward to that. Sure I was going to miss Asahina-san and Nagato-san… Haruhi I was going to see at class anyway, no salvation there. Definitely not going to miss Koizumi.
In hindsight, I was probably too naïve to believe things could be this simple and end with my Dramatic Exit™.

Nagato-san was the first to call me, then Asahina-san. I told them both it was over between Haruhi and I. I no longer wanted anything to do with her and her crazy world.

The doorbell rang around seven. My little sister already made a dash for the door. I grabbed her by the collar. “If it’s for me, tell them I’m not home,” I whispered to her. She nodded and I set her off.

“Kyon-kun said he’s not home!” I heard her sweet, chirpy voice and I wanted to put my hands around her sweet little neck and throttle her.

Instead of taking the risk of getting life imprisonment for siblicide, I stomped over to the door and glared at my visitor.

“Ah, you’re home!” Koizumi beamed at me. Damn you, bastard. As if you didn’t think so.

Before I could quip a retort, Koizumi turned serious, even opening his eyes.

“You have to go back to Suzumiya-san,” he said.

“No, no, no. I had a very good day today. In fact, I’m thinking of transferring to a different class… or a school. Or a city!”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t participate in this freak circus any longer. I wish you all the best. I would suggest Haruhi find a new sucker, but I really don’t wish that position even to my worst enemies.” I kept a straight face, trying to sound as cold as I could… which was probably lukewarm at best.

“You don’t understand… Suzumiya-san is very upset.”

“Let me guess, a closed space on scale never before seen, has emerged!” I patted his shoulder. “Good luck, I’m sure you and your buddies can take care of it.”

“Actually, there’s a large number of them and they’re spreading fast. Soon, Japan will be completely erased.”

“Then we shall move to Canada!” I scoffed. “I’m sure Nagato-san can arrange an easy pass.”

“You know it’s not going to be this easy,” he said seriously, furrowing his brow. Actually I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this concerned before.

Suddenly the lights went off all at once, and there was an eerie silence, before the house shook and started to smash down.

“Kyaaaah!! Kyon-kun! Earthquake!!” my little sister ran over and grabbed my shirt, hiding behind me.

“Quick, get her to some place safe, it’s here!” Koizumi leaped back when another wave of destruction followed. My house, my own house was in ruins!!

“What’s here?” You’ve gotta be kidding me, I didn’t feel anything! “How can it be, you said normal people can’t enter closed space and yet even my sister…” (Please don’t mind the fact I didn’t even consider myself one of those normal people anymore.)

“Normally, they couldn’t…” Koizumi pushed my sister and me away when another wall caved.

“Kyaaah, I’m scared!!” my sister clung to me tighter.

“I’m gonna distract it, please find a safe place for your sister and yourself to hide in!” he spoke quickly, before running outside.

Beyond the ruins of what used to be the wall of our living room, I saw the foot of one of those transparent weird giant thingies. And it roared.

“Kyon-kun!!” my little sister was justly more terrified than me.

I led her away from the giant and into what used to be our kitchen. “It seems to be a big earthquake,” I lied to her. “Just wait here under the table and don’t move until I come back.”

“Where are you going?” she grabbed my hand.

“I’ll be back, don’t worry. I’ll just see if Koizumi needs any help.”

Haruhi, if anything happens to my little sister, you’re gonna have hell to pay, you hear me?

With that thought in mind, I climbed back through the rubbles and into the street. Seeing the entire neighborhood in ruins, with a number of silvery lucid giants stomping all over the houses like it were roaches, could throw any random person into a shabby mental state. But there was no sign of life anywhere.

“Koizumi!” I called when I saw him land back. “Where are all the people?”

“It seems for the most part… everyone is gone, but the people Suzumiya-san likely wishes to stay…” he wheezed. “I can’t even contact my colleagues-“

“Look out!” I yelled when I noticed another one of those giants swinging closely to him.

Koizumi kneeled and narrowly escaped the hit. The giant moved away to the house in the front. I noticed Koizumi was clutching his right arm and quickly ran over to his side.

Blood. It was everywhere. I didn’t notice because of the ill lighting, but the dark stain spreading through his jacket was definitely blood.

“You’re hurt! Are you okay?” I felt slightly alarmed.

“I’m… fine…” he winced. “It’s nothing.”

“How can it be nothing?! Look at all this blood!” I grabbed his arm and forced a better look. “It looks like a serious injury, are you sure you can still fight?” I looked up to see where the giants went to. They were wandering off to merrily plunder my neighborhood. Haruhi, is that your idea of revenge? That’s so low. Okay, I know you’re not actually aware of this… but please wake up!!

“I… don’t have a lot of power left…” Koizumi whispered and grabbed my shoulder, catching me by surprise. “You’re gonna have to do it.”

“What, do what?”

“Erase these fellows, and quickly use the recess to calm down Suzumiya-san.”

“How am I suppose to do that?! I’m not one of you! I don’t have a special power or even a laser gun! Am I supposed to just go to these things and tell them to be gone?!”

Koizumi chuckled a bit and removed his hands from my shoulders. Actually I didn’t notice he was holding me this long. So sneaky. But he went back to holding his injury, so I felt quite bad.

“There’s a way…” he whispered. “I could temporarily transfer my powers to you.”

“Really? You could do that?” my curiosity was definitely piqued. Hey, I wanted to be an Esper too when I was a kid.

“After all, my powers are nothing but energy channeled to me by the friction of this dimensional wall.”

“And how exactly can you channel it to me? It sounds so fishy.” I eyed him.

He smiled lightly. “We need to merge our energies, to become one.”

“What does that mean? How is it possible? You can transfer your conscious into me using your powers? Makes me feel sick just thinking about it!”

“No, it’s nothing that complicated,” Koizumi calmed me down. “We just need to, you know, have sex, probably.”

If there’s a possibility of a closed space forming inside an already formed closed space, that must have been where my mind went to at that moment.

“WHAT, don’t joke around!” I roared at him.

“I’m serious, it’s the only way.”

You can’t possibly be serious about such a thing, give me a break!!

“I can no longer fight in this state. If you don’t get to Suzumiya-san as quickly as possible, we’re going to be doomed.”

“So, I’ll run to her house right now and try talking to her!” I offered. My shouting sounded like a whisper as another house collapsed nearby.

“It’s too late for that, we’re trapped in this closed space. When it spreads far enough to reach Suzumiya-san’s location, we won’t exist here anymore.”

What was I to do? Cease to exist or have sex with another guy? With Koizumi, on top of that! My beautiful innocence, I miss you. Goodbye my virginity, I wish I could give you to someone more deserving, someone sweet and beautiful like…

“Fine, fine, I’ll do it!” I wanted to bite my tongue the moment I let out the words. But my sister was waiting for me under a table, she could die or get hurt because I cherish my manly pride too much.

“But… I want to be the… seme…” I half whispered the last word. That new word I learned just recently. “At least let me keep some of my dignity.”

“It doesn’t really matter, I don’t think.” Koizumi agreed. Too quickly! Very suspicious.

“Do you know what you need to do?” he asked.

“No! Of course not,” I growled and had to bid farewell to another chunk of what was left of my pride. “I’ve never even done it with a girl!”

“Oh.”

Again with his ‘oh’, and does he have to sound so sympathetic?!

But the ruckus around and the roars of the roaming destructive giants stopped me from going on about that. This is the most unromantic setting I could have ever imagined for my first sexual experience to take place.

“Well, please be gentle with me,” Koizumi smiled sweetly. In the pale light of the moon, I could probably mistake him for a pretty girl, with that flowing hair…. And somebody stop me now.

“That’s right, you’re injured… are you sure it’s going to be okay?” I looked at his stained uniform. He already removed his shirt and tore a piece to stop the bleeding, not that it seemed that effective.

“It will be fine,” he said softly and put something in my hand. “You know how to put this on, at least, right?”

I looked at the thing in my hand. A condom. He gave me a condom. Why does he walk around with a condom in his pocket?

“You always have to be prepared,” he hummed as if he read my mind.

Be prepared, huh? So you came here fully intent on seducing me and forcing me into this dark, lustful YAOI nightmare, huh?

“Ideally, we could use a lube or at least Vaseline, but there’s not much time left.”

“I don’t want to know what you’re talking about... I don’t want to know…” I murmured as I started to take off my shirt.

Koizumi stopped me. “You don’t have to undress, it’s okay like this.”

“Okay,” I mumbled and looked around to see what was going on with the giants… at the very least I didn’t want to cease to exist by having one of these things stamp on me while I’m doing this unthinkable thing with Koizumi.

“Although, you are going to have to unzip your pants,” he leered at me. Leered!! I was already freaked out, you don’t have to look at me that way.

“I know that!” I should’ve known that.

I opened my pants, feeling unreasonably embarrassed. It’s not like I’ve never undressed in front of other boys. But still, here I was, in the middle of my wrecked neighborhood, which looked like a ghostly World War II ground zero, about to do the deed with Koizumi… who didn’t seem quite as freaked out as I was, by the way.

My eyes fluttered over his body, he was quite well built, like an athlete. I guess there were advantages in being a hero of justice or the likes. He actually had a beautiful body, that bastard. I felt a little tingle, and it made me aware as I pushed my pants down, that I was already semi-erect. I’m going to be ruined for marriage, I just know that.

“You seem pretty aroused considering all your objections,” Koizumi intoned in amusement.

“Shut up, it’s only a physical reaction, physical!” I felt even the tips of my ears burning.

He just chuckled, before grimacing in pain.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” I asked, a bit worried. I was already coming to terms with having to have sex with another guy, but I didn’t quite want to have sex with a corpse. Sorry Koizumi, for killing you so fast.

“Yeah, but you’re going to have to hurry up… I’m starting to black out from the blood loss.”

Hurry up, hurry up… my hands fiddled with the damn rubber, I felt like a newbie… perhaps because that’s what I was, but I’ve always liked to think that I’ll be a man about it when the time comes and the woman will be awed by my natural gifted skills. That “woman” is going to be Koizumi, and so I shouldn’t need to worry if I make a really lousy lay… then again, he would definitely never let me forget about it. He might throw a remark about my performance every time we pass each other in the hall! I must do my best!!

“Do you need help with that?” Koizumi saw my struggle. Like hell I’ll let you touch me!

“I think I got it,” I said sweetly.

I finally did manage to roll the damn thing on. It was oily and quite unpleasant, but it should do the trick. And it’s not like I could get Koizumi pregnant right? Right?! Well I sure hope so.

“Okay, what now?” I looked at him. I know, not the most romantic thing to say to the person who’s going to be your partner, but it couldn’t be helped.

“You’re gonna have to come closer,” Koizumi said. Despite his voice getting weaker, he still sounded very amused. Are you having fun, Koizumi-kun?? You’re half dead and still want to do this with me, you must be even more insane than I am. Well I already knew that, I guess.

He pulled me into his arms and I felt that heat wave passing through my body again. His body was really hot, burning, possibly with fever. The shirt he tied around his torso like a bandage was completely soaked in blood, I felt my shirt getting wet and regretted not taking it off before, it must be stained with Koizumi’s blood as well now.

“You need to slide it in…” Koizumi whispered in my ears. My hairs all stood on end. I felt his hand wrapping my manhood, and I wanted to protest, ‘don’t touch me you perverted bastard!’ but I couldn’t utter anything but a low moan. I sank slowly into him. That bastard, what kind of spell did he put on me?! I felt so weak, and yet warm. The roars and chaos around seemed to have disappeared. My body was getting hot and very ticklish. He also smelled nice, when I think about it. But I’ll never admit that!

It was a weird sensation I’ve never felt before. Sure I masturbate sometimes, what healthy boy doesn’t? But it didn’t feel anything like it. Koizumi eased my way into him, and it felt… really good, I hate to say. His body was clutching me tightly and I felt elevated, like I wasn’t inside my body anymore.

Koizumi breathed heavily as I was thrusting into him. I kind of hoped he also felt good, like how I was feeling. But we weren’t doing this to feel good (I never would have thought it feels so good), get a hold of yourself Kyon! (why am I also calling myself Kyon now?!) This is for the sake of the world!

I don’t know how long our tryst lasted, but soon enough, I felt I couldn’t hold it any longer; I ground my hips deeper into him and came, feeling a rush of energy surging through me. Koizumi felt much colder than before. He just wheezed “Go” into my ear and pushed me away. I struggled with my pants like the clumsy fool I am, because saving the day half naked wearing nothing but a condom couldn’t look good no matter how you looked at it, if the closed space was suddenly to dissipate and the neighbors all out and about.

Feeling a strong energy surrounding me, I finally got to live (one of) my childhood dreams. I floated in the sky, acting all cool and superior. Swished around with my new cool powers and quickly slaughtered some giant monsters before they could get to the back of my house that still stood, where my little sister was cowering under a table, unaware of her older brother’s heroic superhuman endeavor.

Finally I managed to cut through and destroy the last of those creepy giants. The skies started to fall apart. Before I could land elegantly, I was dropped onto the ground like a bag of potatoes. I groaned and rubbed my backside.

Koizumi walked over to me, he looked exhausted, like he was running on an empty drive, and clutched his wound. You’ve gotta be kidding me, your injury didn’t disappear with the closed space?!

“Thank goodness. Looks like it worked,” he smiled at me.

“What do you mean, looks like? It wasn’t obviously going to work?” I eyed him once more.

“Well, it was just a theory. We’ve never actually put it to the test, before,” he said, so calmly I wanted to scream at him. so I did.

“You mean, it could have not worked?!” I could have had sex with him AND die doing it?!

“But, it did work,” he said, again like he was reading my mind. Creeps me out, that guy. “I’m gonna have to tell the organization—“

“Don’t you dare talk about this ever!! To anyone!!” I quickly cut him off.

“Better hurry up and find Suzumiya-san,” Koizumi reminded me the really important matter. “I don’t think I’ll have enough energy to make this work again.”

I didn’t even say anything, I just picked my legs and ran all the way to Haruhi’s house even though the public transportation seemed to be working.

~*~

“What do you want?” she grouched at me.

Such a warm welcome after what I’ve been through to put the end of the world on hold. You were probably safe here in your cozy little room, completely unaware everyone else disappeared, right Haruhi-san?

“I… just wanted to apologize,” I said and looked down. “I was getting too worked up, when you didn’t really mean any harm…”

“It’s good you acknowledge how childishly you were acting.”

Haruhi… I’m being serious and you start with the jokes. But ah well, I guess I have to let it slide if I don’t want this world to come to an end. I really wish it could rest in the hands of a less whimsical entity.

“So, let’s try it again, okay. The SOS Brigade thing.” I put my hands on her shoulders. “I’ll do anything to keep you happy.”

Her high spirits returned and I smiled. With a promise to treat her after school as a punishment, I left and went back to my house.

Koizumi wasn’t there, but my little sister sure enough told me all about the scary nightmare she had about a great earthquake and the giant monster that destroyed our house.

Koizumi didn’t show up for school the next day. I didn’t expect him to. Actually I wasn’t sure how I could act around him… I sort of hoped his injury made him lose the memory of what we had done.

Haruhi was grumbling about having to cancel her doujinshi project, because Koizumi is sick and won’t show up in time to have all the arrangements needed to make it to Comiket which was apparently sooner than I realized. Could it be that for once things didn’t go the way Haruhi wanted?

Nah, can’t be. It just means she already lost interest in gaining world-fame through the prostitution of her male club members. And she possibly had a new caprice brewing in the shady corners of her universe. I could only hope it would be a less lethal one.

~*~

I met Koizumi in the hallway a few days later. I excused myself from class to take a leak break, and he was carrying two piles of papers, for his classroom, I supposed.

“Do you need help? Are you feeling well already?” I plunged in to grab one of the piles. It was damn heavy.

“Thank you,” he smiled. “Though I’m not a girl, you know.”

I blushed against my will. Damn you facial skin cells and your excessive blood flow!

“Shut up, I didn’t mean it like that!” I looked away. “If you insist so much you can carry this yourself, you ingrate bastard!”

He laughed. “It’s okay, thank you. I appreciate your help. It still hurts a bit.”

“Your injury?” I glanced over at his stomach, as if I could see anything through his shirt.

“No, my backside. You were so rough with me, Kyon-kun,” he whined, trying (and failing!) to sound cute.

I blushed even more furiously. “I.. I.. I… Sorry.”

He laughed again, making me so nervous. Even Haruhi doesn’t unnerve me like this guy. “It’s okay, it wasn’t bad for a first time.”

That almost sound like you expect it to happen again!

“It was extreme circumstances… let’s just pretend it didn’t happen,” I offered with a big meek and fake smile.

Maybe if I try hard enough I could pretend I still have my innocence intact and I could blissfully make sweet love to my destined one.

“Yeah…” surprisingly that’s all he said, but I noticed we were already in front of his classroom. I let him take the stock of papers from my hands and watched him walk away into his class. He had a broad back… I never noticed before. Of course I already knew how athletic his body really was.

Ahh what am I thinking? It’s Koizumi! Koizumi. Not some beautiful, sweet and cute girl.

I walked away to the bathroom.

~*~

That night I had another one of those erotic dreams about… well, Koizumi, unfortunately. It seemed like my body couldn’t forget his touch. It didn’t happen every night, but just the fact it happened once was enough to really piss me off.

More disturbing was the feeling I wanted to try it again. In different circumstances… possibly in a more romantic setting. Haruhi, if only you’d known what you had caused you’d probably laugh.

What is this incredible lust I’m feeling when I’m thinking about what we’ve done? Is this what people call desire?

I was hoping it would pass in time. Koizumi seemed to be acting the same as ever, it was only I who turned into a packet of nerves every time he walked into my sight.

The dreams became more frequent and it started to wear me out. Not to mention put me in a bit of a tense situation with my mother. Sure, I’m a healthy adolescent, but messing up my bed almost every day can’t be normal. And if she asked me anything what am I going to say?!

So I wrote a note to meet in the student council lounge after club hours when everyone is gone and left it in his shoe locker…. I’m such a girl.