Giving Up

Sanzo awoke to bright sunshine and phlegm in his throat. He coughed, once, twice, swore colourfully the started to cough again.

“Fuck,” he groaned and coughed again. “Fuck!”

Sanzo sat up in bed and moved to get out from under the covers, but was stopped by yet another coughing fit, which in turn caused the muscles in his chest to ache and burn. The pain was so bad, for a moment he actually considered…no, nothing could make him do [i]that[/i]. Then again, maybe he should…

“Morning, Sanzo!” Goku sounded overly cheerful – as usual. Sanzo gave him a sour look and sat down at the breakfast table, then hacked and coughed some more.

“That’s quite a cough you’ve got there, Sanzo.” Goku spoke in between shovelling his breakfast into his mouth.

“Ugh, say it don’t spray it!” Gojyo pushed his plate away. As much as he liked his food, he didn’t appreciate having Goku spit all over his meal. He gave Goku a disgusted glare and reached for a cigarette, slipped it between his lips, lit it and inhaled deeply.

“Aah, nothing like a smoke after a meal, eh Sanzo?” he flicked the ash onto his dirty plate and took another drag. Sanzo said nothing. He merely poured himself some coffee, picked up the newspaper and unfolded it to read.

Once safely hidden behind his newspaper, Sanzo grimaced. His chest hurt, he needed to cough and most of all, he wanted a smoke but knew that even the smallest inhalation of smoke into his lungs would have him doubled over in an extremely painful and potentially embarrassing coughing fit. He very much wanted to hit something and as luck would have it, Goku chose that moment to give Sanzo the perfect excuse for violence.

“Hey! What was that for?” Goku rubbed his head and pouted.

“You kicked my cha-“ Sanzo stopped and choked back a cough. He cleared his throat and attempted to continue. “You kicked my chair. Stop messing around, finish your breakfast and-“ Sanzo couldn’t stop what happened next. The act of growling out the admonishment to Goku tickled his throat and his body’s natural reaction was to clear that tickle. With a strangled curse, he dissolved into a spluttering, gasping, wheezing coughing fit.

The others watched in a sort of macabre fascination as Sanzo’s face turned from its usual pleasantly tanned shade to pink, then a dark red and finally took on a purplish hue. Goku, ever caring about his saviour, gave Sanzo’s back a few hefty whacks, hoping to dislodge whatever it was that caused the cough. That action earned him a pained glare that promised retribution at a later time. Gojyo smirked and watched Hakkai summon the waitress and asked her to get some water.

With a final few wracking coughs, it was over. Sanzo reached to grab the glass of water from the waitress but his movement was halted by the excruciating pain in his chest. He dropped his hand down to his lap and cursed loudly, earning himself many a disapproving look from the other patrons in the restaurant.

“Are you okay, Sanzo?” Goku ventured.

“Yes,” the monk snapped back and turned to the waitress. “Gimme the damned water.”

“Of course, sir.” the girl placed the glass on the table in front of Sanzo and scurried away. Sanzo took a few deep gulps and tried to calm his breathing. It wouldn’t do to start coughing again.

“Sanzo, maybe you should cut back…” Sanzo shot Hakkai a filthy look for even thinking of telling him what to do.

“You alright there, man? You’re clutching at your chest. You having a heart attack or something?” Gojyo asked, with what might have sounded – to the casual listener – like a hopeful tone.

“Shut up.”

“Gojyo’s right. You don’t look too great, are you coming down with something?” Sanzo shot Hakkai a withering glance.

“I said, shut up.” Goku had been ready to add his own voice to the concern of the others but quickly snapped his mouth shut and turned back to his breakfast. He still had the earlier threat hanging over his head and had no wish to incur further punishments.

“Be ready to go in twenty minutes.” Sanzo barked and pushed his chair away from the table. He threw down the newspaper and stalked away from the table, scowling at anyone who dared look his way.

Stepping outside the inn to await his travelling companions, Sanzo raked in the folds of his robe until his hand found the familiar shape of his cigarette packet. It was an entirely automatic action - one that he wasn't even aware of doing until he felt the filter against his lips. His head jolted back and the cigarette dropped from his hand.

"Shit." he cursed and reached into his robes once more and pulled out the remainder of the smokes. He didn't need them. He didn't want them. Why couldn't he let go of them, then? He crushed the packet in his fist. No, he could - would - let go of them. Genjo Sanzo, beholden to no-one and nothing would not be beaten by something like his body's craving for nicotine. With a flourish, he hurled the crushed box as far as he could.

"Mind over body." Satisfied with his decision, Sanzo leaned against the wall of the inn and took as deep a breath as he could. The world somehow tasted better already without the taste of stale smoke on his tongue. Just as he thought the day might actually be good for once, his silent solitude was broken by the appearance of the other three travellers. With a miserable expression, perfected from practicing it so much throughout the years, Sanzo followed the others to Jeep and climbed in.

His resolve may have been strong, but Sanzo's body was weaker and not one hour after their departure, the craving kicked in. Hard. Behind him, he heard Gojyo light his third cigarette of the day’s journey. Sanzo could swear he heard a pleasured groan from the smoking man and peeked in the rear view mirror just in time to see him exhale with a grin. Sanzo ground his teeth when Gojyo winked at him and took another drag. The bastard was mocking him, Sanzo was sure of it. He didn't know how Gojyo knew about his decision, but obviously he did and was taking great delight in torturing Sanzo. With a sneer, Sanzo dragged his gaze away from Gojyo, closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

"Can we stop here? I'm hungry." Goku's whine snapped Sanzo out of his self induced trance. Hakkai looked to Sanzo for agreement that they could stop for the night and Sanzo responded with a curt nod. Hakkai found a place to stop and everyone piled out of Jeep and into the nearest hostelry.

As usually happened, Sanzo found himself sharing with Goku. This was usually irksome, but even more so now that his head hurt and his stomach cramped due to nicotine withdrawal. The one sane voice in his head told him that these symptoms were merely a figment of his imagination.

"Mind over body," he repeated to himself. "Mind over body."

He didn't need to smoke. Just because it was the most enjoyable part of any meal didn't mean that it was necessary. Likewise, sitting gazing out the window could be just as relaxing and grounding without a cigarette between his fingers. Sitting on the wall in front of the inn surely could only be enhanced by the clear air surrounding him. The fresh, clean air that carried scents of cooking and baking and flowers and oh-so-delicious cigarette smoke. Like Goku sniffing out a fresh meat bun, Sanzo's nose followed the familiar scent until he found himself face to face with Gojyo.

"You know, if you've run out of smokes you could just say. I've seen the way you've been eyeing mine all day. Like a hungry dog - it's practically indecent." Gojyo smirked then brought his cigarette to his lips and took in a lungful of smoke.

"I've not run out," Sanzo snapped. "I uh..." he hesitated. If he told Gojyo that he'd decided to quit smoking, it would provide a stick with which the other man would metaphorically beat the monk. As he tried to think of an excuse, Sanzo watched a plume of smoke escape Gojyo's lips and curl upwards seductively, before being dissipated by the wind. He watched Gojyo raise his hand to his mouth and gently wrap his lips around the filter. The soft sizzle of paper and burning tobacco sounded like music to his ears and everything disappeared from his vision save for the red hot tip of Gojyo's cigarette.

"Hey man, you okay?" Sanzo was vaguely aware that Gojyo was speaking. Not because he could hear words, but because he could see the other man's lips moving. Moving and letting the precious smoke escape!

Sanzo suddenly pitched forward, grabbed Gojyo's lapels and pulled him close. There were still a few tendrils of smoke weaving their way out from between Gojyo's lips tempting and tormenting Sanzo. As quick as a flash, he covered Gojyo's mouth with his own, sucking in and savouring the last few whisps of smoke. He felt Gojyo's lips part and quickly, his tongue darted unto the other's mouth to taste whatever residue the smoke left behind.

Even the knowledge that he was kissing Gojyo didn't deter Sanzo. The pungent taste of tobacco on Gojyo's lips, teeth and tongue was enough to justify not only allowing Gojyo to invade his personal space, but also encourage it by pulling the man as close as he could before running his hands down over Gojyo's hips and across the front of his jeans.

Gojyo broke the kiss with a startled gasp.

"Woah, Sanzo," he panted while the monk continued to fondle and grope him. "If I'd known...we would've done this a long time ago." Gojyo leaned in to kiss Sanzo again, but was stopped by a hand on his chest and a disgusted snort.

Keeping one hand firmly on Gojyo's chest, Sanzo pulled the other out of Gojyo's pocked.

"Don't get your hopes up. I was only after one thing." Sanzo flipped open Gojyo's packet of cigarettes, fumbled in his robe for his lighter and brought a flame to the tip.

When he heard Sanzo give a satisfied groan, Gojyo snapped out of his confused state.

"Hey - they're mine!"

"Yeah and they taste like shit, still I'll be keeping the rest so you might want to get yourself some more." and with that, Sanzo turned and walked away from Gojyo, happily puffing away on his purloined smoke.

The next morning, Sanzo awoke and spent the first five minutes coughing and hacking as usual and when the coughs subsided, he reached over to the cigarette packet on the bedside table. His hand hovered over the pack and he hesitated for a moment, then with a shrug, pulled a cigarette out of the packet and lit up. It was like being reacquainted with an old friend and he enjoyed every single drag of it.

The end.