A Helping Hand

He was sick. It was the only possible explanation; Sanzo was a sick bastard who got off on spying. Despite Hakkai's implied assent to his watching, Sanzo avoided all temptation to peek upon or listen to what went on between the friends. That wasn't to say he denied himself pleasure; what he had witnessed that night in the clearing was sufficient to fuel his fantasies for quite some time. Although he found himself dealing with his arousal more often, the act still left him feeling uneasy and slightly disgusted with himself and no matter how many times he vowed to abstain, the pressure built up and needed to be released.

Sanzo was not the only one in the group to suffer a build-up of sexual tension, not by a long shot, but while Sanzo had his memory and Hakkai and Gojyo had each other, all Goku had was an inexperienced imagination and a craving for something he didn't yet know much about. One didn't spend that length of time with Gojyo and come away completely clueless; Goku knew the theory behind sex but was yet to discover the more practical side so in the meantime he stuck with what he knew and what felt good. Unfortunately however, what felt good all too often involved a certain monk and Goku found himself having increasing difficulty in controlling his body's reactions around Sanzo. Especially lately.

Goku knew that Sanzo always had trouble sleeping, but recently his master appeared to have discovered a new remedy. One which involved his disappearing into the bathroom for a prolonged period of time. Goku's enhanced hearing picked up on Sanzo's heavy breathing and quiet gasps and he knew what the monk was up to. The idea that Sanzo was hidden away, pleasuring himself greatly aroused Goku and he couldn’t help but act upon that arousal.

With as much stealth as he could muster, Goku slipped out from under the covers and over to the bathroom door to press his ear against it. Sure enough, he could hear the soft slap of skin on skin. With one hand on the door to steady himself, Goku stroked the other over his stomach, caressing his abdomen before allowing his fingers to slip under the band of his shorts to brush against the tip of his erection. The contact sent a jolt of electricity up his spine and he longed for more. He made a tight fist around his erection and drew his hand down; exposing the crown then slid his hand up to create a delicious friction.

Judging by the speed of Sanzo’s strokes, the man clearly wished to come as quickly as possible and Goku wanted to climax along with him. He met Sanzo's pace, listening to the heavy breaths Sanzo produced and answering with his own. Now and again, he paused his strokes to squeeze his cock and run his thumb over the head to smear around pre-come, slicking his movements. Afraid that his legs would give way, Goku shifted to rest his back against the door and tilted his head to continue listening; wondering if Sanzo also used long strokes or if he preferred shorter shallower ones. Maybe he did as Goku did and used his free hand to cup and fondle his balls.

Completely absorbed in sensation and self-pleasure, Goku was unable to help himself when he answered a particularly loud groan from Sanzo with one of his own.

"Ah yes, Sanzo."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Goku was seized by panic - was he loud enough for Sanzo to hear? If he had heard, what would he do? Before he could even consider scampering back to bed, the door flew open and Goku toppled backwards.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Looking upwards from where he lay sprawled on the bathroom floor, Goku winced at Sanzo's hissed out question. There was no way of hiding what he'd been up to, not with his hand still in his shorts, wrapped around his flagging erection. He was well and truly caught.

"Are you...?" Sanzo glanced down at Goku's hidden hand. "You were..."

Goku quickly withdrew his and rolled onto his side, hiding his face. Never before had he felt so embarrassed or humiliated. It was bad enough to have been caught masturbating, but that Sanzo had caught him listening in made Goku want to curl up and die. He awaited the inevitable blow from the fan. It never came.

"Get up."

The fact that Sanzo hadn't beaten him with the fan surprised him; when Sanzo spoke to him in an almost gentle tone, he was convinced that he was going to die so refused to move.

"Oi, I said get up." Sanzo repeated, tapping his foot against Goku's side.

"Please," the boy whimpered. "Please don't kill me."

There was a pause and then Goku heard Sanzo's retreating footsteps, followed by the creak of bedsprings and the hiss of a cigarette lighter. Goku peeked between his fingers and saw Sanzo sitting on his bed, smoking and staring back. With a sigh, he exhaled a lungful of smoke and motioned to the bed beside him.

"I'm not going to kill you so get over here."

Hesitantly, Goku unfurled himself and shuffled across the room to sit at Sanzo's side. Neither spoke; Sanzo continued to puff away on his cigarette and Goku plucked at threads on the blanket.

"Did you-" Sanzo didn’t get the chance to finish his question.

"Sanzo, I'm so sorry I listened and I promise I'll never do it again, it's just that I was-"

It was Sanzo's turn to interrupt Goku, which he did by placing his hand over the boy's mouth.

"You listened because you were curious."

It wasn't a question but Goku nodded nevertheless. Nerves made him breathe deeply and when he inhaled, he could smell the evidence of Sanzo's activity on the hand which covered his mouth.

"I can understand your curiosity."

If Sanzo said anything else, Goku didn't hear; his attention was entirely focussed upon the scent of Sanzo's arousal, directly under his nose. His mouth watered and he longed to snake his tongue out to taste. The more he smelled the harder it became to resist the urge and so he didn't. Emboldened by his growing arousal, Goku flicked out his tongue and drew it across the palm of Sanzo's hand. The man jumped, however his hand remained where it was. Taking this as a good sign, Goku lapped again, relishing the tangy of flesh mixed with sweat mixed with more; from the taste, Goku knew that this hand Sanzo used to stroke himself and if Sanzo's hand tasted this good, then Goku wondered what the rest would taste like and he was determined to find out.

It was as if something primal emerged within him. Previously he had been content to dream about Sanzo as he pleasured himself, then that night he discovered the forbidden allure of listening. Now however, those weren't enough for him. Now he wanted more; he wanted Sanzo and he didn't plan on taking no for an answer. One swift movement and he had Sanzo's wrist within his grasp, pulling the hand away far enough away from his mouth that he could slid his lips down over Sanzo's fingers. Ignoring the startled gasp from the monk, Goku licked and sucked each finger, savouring the taste, every lick fuelling his desire. He only noticed that his eyes were shut when they fluttered open as he felt Sanzo's free hand clutch his shoulder.

"What are you doing?"

The question came amid heavy breaths, Sanzo sounding hoarse - Goku hoped with arousal. He didn't answer, just continued bathing Sanzo's hand with his tongue.

"Stop."

It was less of a command than a plea; one which Goku chose to ignore. The hand on his shoulder gripped tighter and he felt Sanzo shift his weight slightly, angling his body towards the boy. Goku found himself gazing directly into Sanzo's eyes and the reality of what he was doing hit him and he withdrew his tongue. Feeling a blush form on his cheeks, Goku swallowed hard. Sanzo didn't appear angry; if anything he looked bemused.

"Why?"

Goku cocked his head, unsure of what Sanzo meant; why did he lick the man's hand or why did he listened? Whichever it was, the answer was the same.

"Because I want to."

Everything seemed straightforward to Goku. He had wanted to do both, just like he wanted more. The only thing he was uncertain of was how to tell Sanzo what he wanted. He could only think of one way and it meant certain death for him. Still, even if he died trying, maybe it was worth the attempt. There was only one way to find out.

"Sanzo," he whispered, his tongue darting out to nervously lick his lips. "I-"

Without warning, his words were cut off. It took him a moment to realise that instead of kissing Sanzo as he had planned to do, Sanzo was kissing him. Lips, so soft against his, parted and he felt the tip of Sanzo's tongue push between his. At first, he was too taken by surprise to react - he hadn't expected Sanzo to make the first move - but when the tongue became more insistent, he responded in kind.

For a first kiss, it wasn't too bad; a little clumsy and wet perhaps but amazing nevertheless. So amazing that Goku forgot to breathe. He pulled away from Sanzo and gasped for air, filling his lungs before attempting to dive back in. A hand on his chest halted him.

"Sanzo?"

"We shouldn't do this."

No, no, no. He couldn't do that. Sanzo couldn't kiss him then say they shouldn't, it wasn't fair.

"But, Sanzo..." the whining plea slipped out before he had a chance to stop it and he regretted it immediately. Whining was not the way to persuade Sanzo to continue; already he could see irritation cloud Sanzo's expression. This called for drastic measures. With a grunt of effort, Goku launched himself at Sanzo, knocking the man sideways on the bed and straddled him. Sanzo opened his mouth to berate Goku, but Goku didn't give him a chance to speak; he dropped his head forward and pressed his mouth to Sanzo's, dipping his tongue into Sanzo's mouth to brush their tongues together.

The first kiss had been wonderful; the second was even better. This time, Goku felt in control, leading the kiss rather than reacting as he had before. He slipped his hand under Sanzo's head, threading his fingers through soft hair. He heard a soft groan from the man beneath him when he rocked his hips against Sanzo's, feeling hardness pressing into his thigh. That Sanzo appeared to be as aroused as he was made Goku brave. He drew his free hand over Sanzo's chest, downwards to the waist of his jeans, then with a flick of his wrist, undid the top button.

"Wait!"

Sanzo pulled away from the kiss and Goku felt a firm grip on his wrist, stopping him from going any further. He barely suppressed a sigh of frustration.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"We cannot do this."

It was no longer should not do it; it was could not. Why? Didn't Sanzo like him? It was so terribly unfair. He felt a pricking behind his eyes and turned his head away so Sanzo didn't see the tears which threatened to spill.

"You don't want me?"

The idea that Sanzo might reject him had never occurred to Goku; he had always believed that they would be together and that it was just a matter of time. The events of the evening had reminded Goku of how much he longed to be with Sanzo and a lack of patience drove him to move matters along. Now though, his efforts appeared to be in vain as Sanzo pushed him off to sit upright, burying his face in his hands.

"It's not that I don't want you," the monk said after a moment of silence. "I shouldn't want you - I can't want you, it is wrong."

The last three words came out as a hiss, Sanzo's bitterness and anger obvious in his tone.

"Wrong?" Goku snorted, finding difficulty in believing what he had just heard Sanzo say. "Since when do you care about wrong?"

He almost regretted the question when Sanzo's head snapped up and he saw the anger in the monk's eyes. Then, the expression softened.

"When it can lead to you being hurt."

So that's what this was about? Sanzo feared he would hurt Goku.

"I'm pretty strong these days, Sanzo."

"I'm not talking physically."

"I know."

It was true - he was strong. He had suffered through difficult times on their journey and had survived them. He understood the fragility of life and in particular, human life but what was life without taking a chance? Without feeling or loving or hoping or losing? To Goku that was no life at all, it was merely existing and he didn't want that. Goku wanted to express the love he had for Sanzo and let that love shape their future and their lives together.

"If we do this, everything will change. Everything."

Why did Sanzo persist in making excuses? Luckily, Goku could come up with an answer for them.

"Then we'll change too."

"It would be like taking advantage."

"As if! I'm practically begging you here, Sanzo."

"I'm responsible for you."

"Then make me happy."

"We're on a mission!"

"Which could kill you any day!" the time for excuses was over. "Unless you tell me you don't want me, I'm going to assume that you do." and without waiting for a response, Goku leaned over and kissed Sanzo once more.

This time, he met no resistance at all. If anything, the kiss was warmer and deeper than their previous two. Goku shivered and whimpered into the kiss when he felt fingers lightly travel up his spine then come to rest at the back of his neck. Whether this was an admission of his feelings or that Sanzo had just given up arguing, Goku didn't know or care, all that mattered was that Sanzo responded to Goku's kisses.

Feeling brave - and taking Sanzo's returning of his kisses as a good sign - Goku rested his hand on Sanzo's thigh. He could feel the warmth of the man's skin through the denim of his jeans. There was no protest from Sanzo when Goku's hand inched higher, but when Goku's fingertips brushed against the fabric covered bulge, Sanzo briefly broke away from the kiss to shudder and gasp. That he could produce such reactions made Goku crave more; he splayed his fingers and rubbed the palm of his hand over Sanzo's erection.

Sanzo shifted his position and Goku feared the man had changed his mind. He had no need to worry; as Sanzo slowly sank backwards, Goku followed until he was almost sprawled over Sanzo's body. The hand which massaged Sanzo's erection moved once more to unfasten the jeans, hurriedly unpopping buttons. When they were open, Goku slipped his hand under the fabric and made contact with hard flesh which seemed to throb and pulse under his touch.

Goku's breath caught in his throat when he felt Sanzo's hand stroke down his stomach, but even that didn't prepare him for Sanzo closing his fingers around Goku's still covered cock. Goku's own grip on Sanzo briefly tightened, earning a similar reaction from Sanzo. Goku bucked his hips. Sanzo took the hint and moved to grasp the waistband of Goku's shorts and roughly tugged them down before returning to Goku’s erection.

Stars flashed in front of Goku's eyes when Sanzo touched him directly for the first time. The pleasure was so intense; Goku had to fight against the urge to come there and then. This was nothing like experimenting with his own hand. Sanzo's hand was different, softer with longer fingers which, when curled around the base of his shaft then pulled upwards produced exquisite sensations. He could hear his pulse, feel individual beads of sweat trickle down his spine. Every nerve ending in his body was alive with electricity, tingling with every touch, no matter how brief or how soft. Sanzo's mouth left his and instead trailed down over his throat. Little bites and nips made him swallow convulsively, desperate to hold off the inevitable. When he felt the sharpness of Sanzo's incisors sink into the tender flesh at the crook of his neck, his self control snapped and his body stiffened.

Intense and powerfully mind blowing. That was the only way to describe Goku's orgasm. Like none other he had ever experienced, it very nearly brought tears to his eyes. As the spasms subsided, he collapsed bonelessly over Sanzo and panted for breath.

"You're heavy."

He needed but a moment to collect himself, then flashed an apologetic smile in Sanzo's direction.

"I got a little carried away."

Sanzo merely raised an eyebrow. Goku realised his hand was still nestled inside Sanzo's jeans.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, Sanzo. I completely forgot about you."

The afterglow of Goku's climax was overshadowed by his regret at being so selfish. He wondered how to make it up to Sanzo. His attention was drawn to Sanzo's hand, still at his crotch and he recalled the taste from earlier. The taste of Sanzo's arousal and with that memory, his mind was made up. He withdrew his hand from Sanzo's jeans and wriggled his body downwards so his face was level with Sanzo's erection, just poking out of his jeans. Using both hands, Goku gripped the jeans and pulled them down, watching Sanzo's freed erection bobbing up and down. A quick glance upwards told Goku that the man had realised his intentions; he licked his lips and bowed his head.

The taste of pre-come on his tongue sent Goku’s senses reeling and he savoured the tangy saltiness, swirling his tongue around the tip of Sanzo's cock. When he had lapped up every drop, he found he still wanted more and so parted his lips to take as much of Sanzo into his mouth as he was able.

“You don’t have to…”

Although Sanzo said that, Goku was certain that if he backed out, he’d have a very horny, very pissed off priest on his hands. He hummed around Sanzo’s cock, trying to tell him that he wanted to; Sanzo groaned at the sensation and rested his hand atop Goku’s head, clutching at his hair. Goku allowed Sanzo to guide his movements; as inexperienced as he was, he trusted Sanzo not to push him too far. Eager to please, Goku hollowed his cheeks and sucked whilst drawing his head backwards, then once more swirled his tongue. He licked along the leaking slit which produced a shudder from the monk and then slid his lips back down, until his nose nearly touched Sanzo's stomach.

It felt good to pleasure Sanzo in this way. A part of him wondered if this was also Sanzo's first time exploring these pleasures of the flesh - he hoped it was. Maybe if he performed well, this wouldn't be a once off; maybe Sanzo would even do the same for him sometime. That thought spurred him on, and he bobbed his head faster, tasting more of the pre-come on his tongue. Suddenly his mouth was filled with something other than flesh and he fought the urge to gag as Sanzo's release hit the back of his throat. Swallowing frantically to catch what he could, he pulled his head back to avoid choking. The grip on his hair tightened and over the sound of his gulping he could hear Sanzo’s strained gasps.

Eventually, the fingers which tugged on his hair loosened and Sanzo’s hand dropped away, allowing Goku to lift his head. He licked his lips and looked up at the man lying on the bed, flushed and breathing hard. Sanzo had never looked so beautiful. His eyes were half closed and he very nearly had a smile on his lips. Goku crawled up the bed and rested his head on Sanzo’s shoulder, wanting to snuggle but knowing that Sanzo wouldn’t, so he was surprised when he felt an arm encircle his waist and pull him close. He was even more surprised when he felt Sanzo’s lips press against his in a brief but sweet kiss.

Goku felt safe in Sanzo’s arms. Despite the man’s earlier fears, Goku knew that Sanzo would never hurt him. There was no doubt in his mind that they were meant to be together and Sanzo’s irrational and unfounded worries wouldn’t keep them apart. Nothing could ever keep them apart.

The end.