Wait

With a confident stride and head held high, Maya forced a smile as she stepped out of the elevator and drew the attention of her fellow technicians. Already on break, it wasn’t rare for them to spread their rumors and gossip in front of the snack machines but it was more than a cause for concern when her entrance quieted them.

No one dared speak, not a sound was heard aside from the steady beat of her feet meeting the floor. They just stared at her, wide-eyed as she walked towards the bench and took her usual seat. It wasn’t until she unlatched her lunch box that the first whispers started but it didn’t take more than a few seconds for the entire room to become lively once more.

“…probably thinks she’s a boy.”

Maya looked at her lunch as the women around her snuck a glance or two before turning around to chatter some more. She heard the end of what was said but tried her best not to acknowledge it.

“Haha! She already looks like one!”

She focused intently on the soba noodles as her friends continued to talk about her, mocking her even though she was literally right beside them. As she stared down at her food, the technician desperately tried to maintain her smile but she knew it wasn’t working.

“Now that I think about it...” Someone voiced out loud, “Maybe she has a dick.”

They laughed; the whole room erupted in laughter. Some held their sides as they doubled over with tears in their eyes, others merely pointed and laughed in her face.

They were laughing at her.

“Look! She’s crying already!”

Her desire to keep up her front was as thin as her appetite. She tried to pretend that it didn’t bother her but she couldn’t keep smiling when it hurt especially when it hurt this bad. People made fun of her before, she was actually used to it when she was younger but she thought these people were her friends, the same people she worked with to save the world.

It was a foolish mistake, one she regretted making by the time she sat down. She saw them talk about people before but never to this extent, never this bad.

Without a word, she abruptly stood up and caused the contents of her lunch box to fall to the floor. Amidst laughter and spreading rumors, Maya walked as fast as she could with tears streaming down her face.

“Maybe Ibuki needs a man…”

Maya arrived at the elevator with a scowl, her fist balled up as she repeatedly hit the button in a vain attempt to make it arrive faster but their scathing laughter never stopped. She gritted her teeth as she pounded on the button, hate welling up inside her like water boiling over.

“You know she wouldn’t want one!”

Another surge of laughs, jokes at her expense becoming commonplace as they rained apathy on her. It didn’t just hurt, it was insulting and it didn’t just offend her, it humiliated her. Their gleeful smiles only served to show how much they enjoyed it, how much fun they had making a mockery of her already broken spirit.

Before the hate inside her exploded, the doors in front of her parted. She stepped into the elevator without a word and they continued to heckle her like she was still standing right in front of them.

This was wrong.

The technician looked over her shoulder, a lone hazel eye starting into nothing but a crowd of faces not far behind her. She could make a list of names, a list of people she thought she knew right there laughing as loud as they possibly could.

This was an injustice.

Maya lashed out at the console, her hand randomly hitting a button to make the elevator go somewhere else and it did. The doors shut and she was left alone and embarrassed, tears the only thing that accompanied her aside from the overwhelming hate.

Hate was the thick, ugly feeling that made her face twist up in such a way, the same feeling that surged through her entire being like she was being touched by lighting but she wouldn’t be able to do anything…

She made no attempt to wipe her tears as she openly cried knowing fully well that, even though she felt so horrible, she could do nothing and all she honestly wanted to do was just go and disappear somewhere but the hate inside her wouldn’t permit that.

Still, she couldn’t do anything except hate so…

Even though she never felt so pathetic in her entire life, something was good about this pain. This loathing was so incredibly disgusting that she included herself in her hate, her own wretched feelings getting the best of her as she laughed at her own misery.

Hatred would be her only condolence, a depressing haven that could only house someone like her.


Wait


Shinji studied the hand he held in front of his face as he walked the halls of NERV. His eyes traced the lines in his palms before going over the back of his hand as he turned his forearm around. After checking for the second time, he lowered his arm and returned it to his side.

He wasn’t really hurt.

The Evangelion was the one that took the damage. It always took the real damage. The acid ate right through the arm of Unit 01 but he only needed one hand to use the progressive knife.

Still…

He could remember the chunky, greenish acid melting and deforming his arm. He knew that he got feedback from piloting but, in the heat of the moment, he always managed to forget that it wasn’t actually his leg being broken or his arm being sliced off.

The pilot put his thoughts on hold as he neared the elevators and pressed a button. Almost instantly, the doors opened and he met eyes with the only occupant. Maya glared at him, the way she looked enough to make him reconsider stepping inside but her features softened when she noticed who it was.

The technician stood directly in the center of the elevator, the stunned look on her face proof of how rare it was for them to see each other outside the command center. Maya hastily rubbed at her eyes as he stepped in and turned around to face the closing doors.

Something obviously happened to her, enough to bring her to tears.

He wanted to ask but, at the same time, he didn’t…

It was supposedly better for people to talk about their problems but he knew he would probably end up making it worse. No, he knew he would make it harder on her if he asked. So, although it didn’t make him feel any better, he continued to stand with his back to her as the elevator traveled.

“G-Good…” Maya stuttered as she looked at the pilot, “Good afternoon Shinji.”

He forgot.

She always greeted him.

He was compelled to respond now but he just couldn’t say the same this time around. Not to mention he honestly didn’t want to turn around and see her looking like that, “Are you okay?” He asked as he looked straight ahead, already feeling stupid since she obviously wasn’t.

“I’m going to quit Shinji…”

“What?” He exclaimed, his surprise evident when he turned around, “Why!?”

She was ready and willing to tell him everything but he opened his mouth to speak before she could think of where to start her story.

“You… I don’t know how to explain it but I know you’re the person that cuts my ratio when I miss up.” Shinji leveled his eyes at her, sighing as he started to envision NERV without her quietly watching over them, “I could hear you asking for permission to do it sometimes when Misato was giving orders.”

He smiled for her, something he rarely did in the presence of others. It was a small smile but it was just as precious as a gift. His face started to color, a faint red rising to his cheeks as it dawned on him that he was alone with a grown woman, “I really appreciated that Miss Ibuki.”

She forgot.

He always made her feel better.

“Please…” She started with a real smile, matching his with one of her own, “Call me Maya.”

“What I mean is… Well, I really just wanted to say thank you.” He nodded as he spoke, finding her smile just as warm as she found his, “Thank you Maya.”

He was blushing and embarrassed but his words couldn’t have been more sincere. She could tell that he meant everything he said and the conflicting emotions in her heart stopped fighting long enough for his words to touch her.

“Shinji,” She approached him, the small steps she took in his direction not at all hard to make, “I tried to hide it but I hate everything so much.” He was taken back by her words but she was far from finished, “This place… These people… I can’t stand it anymore.”

“I feel...” Maya sighed as she reached behind him and pulled down the brake lever, “I feel like I’m going to hurt someone.”

The elevator screeched to a stop but Shinji wasn’t in any position to pay attention to anything aside from what she said. His heart was beating like it wanted to get out of his chest and the way she was looking at him was starting to make him sweat.

Maya stared at him with empty eyes as she approached, “I hate everyone except you.” Shinji watched as she stopped right in front of him and extended her arms. Her blank stare was in full effect, “Can… I have a hug Shinji?”

That was all she wanted.

Just like he said, she watched him from afar. She constantly saw him at his worst and couldn’t do anything about it except lower the feedback he got from Unit 01. That didn’t make the situation any less dangerous and it didn’t have any real impact on what happened.

The most important thing she did in here entire life was assist someone who didn’t even need the help and she wasn’t even her assistant anymore. She was the type of person that was supposed to be disregarded, it was her job to be in the background but he always had nice things to say when other people never did.

It was probably the most awkward hug ever.

Shinji clumsily put his arms around her but still tried to keep as much distance between them as he could. Had she not been so out of it, Maya would have laughed but the fact that he even did it was something that she wouldn’t have taken lightly no matter how she felt.

“I feel like that sometimes.” She listened to him as he spoke, the look in his eyes making it evident that he really understood, “I hate a lot of things about this place but I especially hate piloting. I don’t think there is something wrong with feeling that way as long as you don’t really hurt someone…”

This was a pathetic sight and he knew it.

He was horrible when it came to things like this and he was even worse at putting what he really meant into the actual words he wanted to say. It was too easy to create a misunderstanding, too easy to mess up and offend someone in an attempt to make him or her feel better.

Maya gently pulled him closer, wrapping her arms around him like he was the pillow she slept with, “I like you Shinji… I like you so much.” She whispered, pressing herself up against him as she spoke.

If he had ample room to think, he would have come to realize she didn’t care what he said since his presence alone was good enough but all he could concentrate on was that she was too close…

He could smell her; the scent of the soap they issued in the complex clung to her just like the shampoo she always used and he could feel her in more ways than one. Even though he mad a conscious effort to ignore it, he could feel her chest crushing against him and she made no attempt to keep her hands to herself.

“Do you like me Shinji?”

It was a fair question, one she already knew the answer to. With that in mind, she was about to act until he opened his mouth, “I do…” He voiced, the sultry look in her eyes enough to show that she was thinking about far more than telling him how she felt.

Idly, he spied the lever she pulled out the corner of his eye but it was too late for that.

He wasn’t going anywhere now.

The same brown eyes that seemed so empty not even moments ago were alive again, radiating with lust as she relinquished the hold she had on him. More than just lust, there was hunger in her eyes, “Let me make you feel good.”

It wasn’t a request and he wasn’t in a position to refuse even if was.

Maya touched him and completely crossed the line she already breached. She cupped the budge in his pants, rubbing her hand on it before she unbuckled his belt. He trembled as her hands wasted no time getting passed his pants and his boxers. There wasn’t any fanfare as she exposed him, only her eyes running over his erection before she took a firm hold of it.

She started to slowly pump her hand up and down his length. Just like she learned from watching those videos, she began to move faster and faster until the only thing that could be heard in the elevator was shallow breathing and the raw sounds of masturbation.

“Think about me…” Maya whispered as she kept the pace, “Think about me Shinji.” She repeated as he started to do just that.

He thought about the friendly technician in ways he never did before. He thought of her breasts, her lips, her face, her legs, her voice, her hair, her touch, her eyes, her smell, her thighs and what was between them…

The feeling caught him by surprise and the thick strings of semen on her clothes let her know just that. He leaned into her, shuddering as he took deep breaths to steady himself as the hand on his member continued to coax as much of the gooey white out of him as she could.

Her uniform was stained with his seed, the excess dripping off and falling on the floor. The very hand she used to bring him to his peak fell to her side and she once again closed what little distance was between them.

This time, he stepped back. His back pressed into the control panel as he pulled his pants up. It felt good but it was wrong, something was wrong about this and it bothered him to the point where he couldn’t even bare to look at her.

If she was hurt, Maya made no mention of it as she watched him tuck his shirt back into his pants. On the contrary, she felt so much better than she did before. Again, she moved towards him and he was successfully trapped in the corner.

“Maya…. I…”

The technician flashed him a smile, one filled with real confidence. She nodded but her expression remained the same, “I know.” She replied, the notion that she really did was something he was far from believing.

Although he wasn’t exactly cowering it was something about her that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, something that always made him extra careful not to upset her.

She was unpredictable.

This wasn’t the same Maya that would almost trip trying to move out of someone’s way or even the same woman that was shy to the point where she would literally hide from people.

Something happened and it was enough to change her to this extent but he could only focus on what just happened a few minutes ago and the shame he felt for just letting it happen.

However, the woman in front of him was glad. She was glad she encountered him and she was glad that it happened. For the first time, she acted on nothing more than pure desire and it brought her to a place she never been before.

She was in control.

She decided when he would leave and it was up to hear how long he would stay. He had no idea that he freed her, that he unlocked the chains she put on herself and she truly felt liberated. No more did she suppress the spiteful feelings that welled up inside her and she wouldn’t cater to anyone else… aside from the boy that made her feel this way.

“Shinji, people don’t do things like this unless they love each other.” Maya pushed the lever back up and the elevator started to move once again, “Loving someone means you can trust her.” Maya added as she touched his face, the fingertips that caressed his cheek something that asked him to do just that.

The elevator dinged and the doors parted to let him off. He considered turning away and leaving without a word but she held him there with her eyes. The hand that was on his face slid down to his shoulder, “Come see me tomorrow Shinji.”

She wasn’t going to quit…

It was a small relief in the face of utter confusion. See her tomorrow? He couldn’t even face her properly now. The only thing he could do was leave so he did. With only a few steps, he was out of her grasp and she watched him walk away as the doors started to separate them.

He was gone, everything that occurred rooted in the fact that it was a chance encounter. If he never got on the elevator then she would be on her way out of the GeoFront, probably still depressed as she boarded the bus to get to her apartment.

Maya looked down at semen that rested on the floor already knowing she was going to leave it right where it was. With a single finger, she wiped off the white that stained her uniform and looked at it.

She was the reason this happened and it made her feel so… sexy.

It dripped off her fingertip.

“I can’t wait for tomorrow…”

~*~

The same break area, the same lunch, and…

“I can’t believe she came back…” One woman whispered to another as Maya ate quietly ate her lunch.

“She’s a fucking dyke.” Another said out loud, surprise the mother of muffed gasps as the women looked at each other, “That’s why she came back.”

The same people.

Maya didn’t acknowledge anything as she ate, her mind wasn’t on the lukewarm noodles she consumed or her gossiping coworkers and the insults they hurled at her. The things they said were more bitter and mean spirited this time regardless if she was listening or not.

They wanted her to react; they wanted to see her cry.

They wanted something to laugh at again but she wasn’t going to give them what they wanted in the least. The humiliation she suffered at their hands was behind her now just like everything else was, today she would smile and today she wouldn’t let something like this bother her.

“Maya...” Someone whispered from the corner.

In spite of her unspoken declaration, she looked up without thinking and saw the girl that called her. The ginger haired woman smirked as she raised two fingers and parted them with her tongue, offering a wink as everyone around her started to laugh.

It was in the midst of such laughter that a pilot stepped off the elevator. Promptly, everyone shut up as Shinji nervously walked into the break area reserved for the technicians and mechanics. It was widely known that this part of the level was used strictly by the girls but he heard this was where she had her lunch.

He was beginning to think about turning back until he spotted her sitting alone on a bench. She was the only person who wasn’t staring at him, the only person that was actually sitting down to eat her boxed lunch.

With a gulp, Shinji started to walk in her direction with the prying eyes of everyone digging in his back but it wasn’t long before he stood in front of the woman he couldn’t stop thinking about, “M-Miss Ibuki?” He addressed her, all too aware of that it felt like he was under a microscope.

“Shinji…?” The quiet technician looked up from her lunch, “G-Good afternoon.” She stuttered just like he did.

More rumors were going to spread, she could already hear the snickering behind her but he came. Out of the all the places he could have caught her at, it had to be here… It had to be the same place she was ridiculed like she was back in high school but all the restless brown eyes that stared up at him only hoped he didn’t hear them making fun of her.

If he did, he pretended he didn’t as he waited for her to say more but she couldn’t tell him that this much made her happy. She couldn’t do that here, not in front of them or anyone else for that matter.

Maya put the top back on her lunch and stood up, the snickering she heard already full blown gossip as she made her way to the elevator with Shinji in tow. The whispering and the grins were proof that they were back to what they did best even in the presence of a pilot.

It was okay though. They wouldn’t dare say anything while Shinji was around. The commander’s son, the pilot of the famed Unit 01, was a favorite of the crowd only second to Kaji.

It wasn’t too long before the elevator arrived this time.

She was the first to step inside, an idle memory from yesterday greeting her as she made more than enough room for him but he was slow to set foot inside thanks to a stray insult he caught. Her heart started to thump as Shinji hesitated, the pilot standing right between the open doors of the elevator. The whole room quieted down as he turned and looked around the room with wide eyes.

“Shinji…” She called out to him, her hand grasping his shirt as he looked over his shoulder at the person the callous words were meant for. He was met by tired brown eyes that pleaded with him to just get inside.

A step back was all it took to allow the doors the finally close and the elevator was off. Maya breathed out a sigh of relief as the mechanical sounds of their travel filled their ears but she knew he heard them. He heard what they said about.

“You came…” Maya ushered that fact to the back of her mind as she stepped towards him, “I’m so happy you came.” She whispered, the strained smile she struggled to give him falling apart no matter how hard she tried.

He tensed as she moved closer and she noticed, another blow dealt to her fragile ego thanks to the way he looked at her. A sapphire eye peered over his shoulder at her knowing that she was hurt but he was considerate enough not to ask why someone said such a thing about her.

Maya stepped back and his shirt was released, wrinkled now thanks to the hold she had on it. She stared at the creased fold she created in his shirt as she continued to move away from him, moving away from that honest concern that written across his face as he turned around.

This time she kept a respectable amount of distance between them. The bravado she had yesterday was something that seeped out of the seething hatred that continued to build inside her. That wasn’t a part of her personality and it wasn’t a part of her.

She didn’t lust after him like that…

A sleepless night and slow morning gave her more than enough time to realize she clearly took advantage of him and that made her feel terrible. It was her hand that soiled immature affections but her guilt was replaced by a happiness so profound she didn’t bother to think about the sad things that happened.

He came to see her.

Maya slowly rubbed her arm, the anxious look on her face something that clouded her pretty smile. He came to see her even though she did something so horrible. That made it okay didn’t it? That meant he wouldn’t hate her didn’t it?

“Miss Ibuki…”

The technician froze, her eyes locking on the figure that approached her as her heart literally stopped beating. It started again with a thump like it was going to break a rib, each and every thump in her chest making it feel like she was going to explode.

He was going to ask her.

This was something he couldn’t be shy about. Beating around the bush would accomplish nothing. Shinji stared directly at her and posed the question he had to ask, “Were they talking about you?” He was frank and she flinched like he treated to hit her.

Under his concerned gaze she fidgeted like she was in trouble. They eyes of the boy she defiled were looking directly at her but the only answer she could give him without coming to tears was her silence. Again, they locked eyes and the uneasy look she retained became something even more depressing as she adverted her hazel eyes.

“Why would someone say something like that about you Miss Ibuki…” He shook his head as he refused to believe that she deserved to be made fun of like that.

She wanted to say that wasn’t what she wanted to talk about but she wasn’t in a position to determine the direction their conversation was going to go in. She was back to being her usual self, back to being the old Maya….

He couldn’t tell that she was back to normal? The shroud of bravado she wore yesterday was something she just couldn’t put on like a jacket. She was weak again, the urges that controlled her then were now in the past but more than anything she didn’t want him to know how pitiful she really was.

No attempt was made to better his understand, a stupid lie would only serve to hurt him more and the truth would surely place a scar on their relationship. He did come to see her but this meeting was a mistake.

The truth was something she didn’t even really want to acknowledge.

The doors opened and she wasted no time getting away from him but he followed. She walked away from him, nearly jogging to get away from not just the pilot but the lies she made herself believe but Shinji wouldn’t let her go that easy.

“Miss Ibuki! Wait!!” He called out to her, his voice echoing down the hallway as he rushed out of the elevator, “Did I do something wrong?!”

“Never…” Maya stopped right then and there, the misconception she left him with too great to ignore, “You never did anything wrong.”

Wrong was a heavy word, a word too heavy to be placed just one person. Neither one of them was wrong but she was so close to it that her shoulders slumped in reprieve. The idea that he would think he was wrong after what she did yesterday…

“Shinji,” She said his name quickly, drawing his attention knowing she had to say it before she changed her mind, “I’m a lesbian…”

He was surprised but it didn’t explain anything. As a matter of fact, it only led to more questions but the trembling frame of the woman before him was a significant sign that it mattered far more than he thought.

“No, to tell the truth…” She wouldn’t cry, she couldn’t let him of all people see her such a pitiful state, “I don’t know anymore. I don’t know how I feel about anyone other than you Shinji.”

His presence alienated and comforted her at the same time, he unknowingly filled her heart with so much joy that he alone kept her from deflating. He was her hero, someone like her that wasn’t meant to shine in front of others but did so in astonishing fashion.

Shinji closed his eyes, the things she said yesterday something he wouldn’t forget no matter what. Upon opening his eyes, he saw that the person that said those words to him was still standing there, “Miss Ibuki, I-“

“Please call me Maya.” She reminded him that the terms they were on with each other were different as she neared not him but the door between them, “You don’t have to be so formal with me anymore...”

It was only now that he realized he knew this part of the complex well, the Evangelion cages were not far away from here. With the unnerving sound of their footsteps covered by the air conditioners that made the long corridors so chilly, they arrived at the same place and both stood in front of the door that belong to the debriefing room.

She pulled out her identification card to open the door and they entered the dark room without a word. This debriefing room was unusually small but that was fine seeing that it was more than one in the complex. Just like its larger counterpart, the room was dark save for the projection that came from the table in the center of the room but the blue glow from it gave a comfortable amount of light.

Shinji looked at Maya as she made sure the door was locked behind him. His face started to color thanks to a stray thought from yesterday slipping into his mind and she obviously felt the same way as she looked at him. The glow from the hologram almost seemed to highlight their blushing faces but she had no intention of doing anything like that.

“It’s not going to be like yesterday…” She ensured him, the rough sound of the door locking behind her a stark reminder of pulling down the elevator break, “I just want to talk to you alone.”

The reason he came to see her was precisely because he wanted to talk. While the idea that she was being bullied bothered him enough to do actually something about it, his original reason was because he was worried about her.

Just like him, she was off tangent. The things she wanted to talk about changed through the course of the day and, even now, she didn’t know exactly what she wanted to say.

Shinji took a seat, the sound of the metal grating against the floor as he pulled the chair from under the table made her come back to her senses. Maya walk towards the table, her eyes still watery as she stood not even a foot away from him, “I…” She could tell him, if nothing else she could say this much to him, “I love you but I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

She was never so shallow a person that she felt love was something that only existed on a physical level and refused to believe that she only thought she loved him just because she hated everyone else. Before all of this even happened, she had feelings for him but she never once wanted to take advantage of her favorite person. It was wrong, not only that but taboo… There were too many reasons they shouldn’t even be alone with each other but they were.

“I’m so sorry about doing that to you that I don’t know what to say…”

He looked at her like he didn’t want an apology but the technician spent the greater part of the day thinking about what she did and how she could never forgive herself even if he did.

“Shinji, I mean it… I-I’m so sorry…” She let it all out this time, broken words escaping her as tears threatened to come, “God… I hate myself so-“

He was in front of her but when did he get up? Why was he looking at her like that? The serene blue that illuminated the room did little to stop her from feeling so guilty but the eyes that held an even darker blue subjected her to nothing but concern.

No, that compassion floating in the depths of his eyes was something she didn’t deserve. Someone as insignificant as she was shouldn’t be looked at like that but he looked up to her intent on making her know that apologies weren’t something he would take from her of all people.

“I told you I felt the same way…”

Another confession but he didn’t mind telling her if it made her feel any better. Of course, he was embarrassed now that his feelings were out in the open but he didn’t have any reasons to hide them from her.

“I came because I wanted to know what happened.” He blushed, the red on his face a dismal contrast to how she felt, “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me but I just want you to be okay Maya.”

She would tell him anything…

“I told Doctor Akagi how I felt…” Maya chucked in spite of herself, a nervous laugh telling him that she was rejected before she even said it, “I really thought she would understand. I really thought she could accept me but she laughed…”

“She laughed in my face.” She was crying as she continued, her hands covering her face as she told him the truth, “Someone must have over heard and told everyone. People avoid me when I’m working and make fun of me on break now but… but it didn’t hurt as much as being laughed at by her.”

Every time…

Every single time she tried to confide in someone, it only ended with her secrets being exposed and people laughing at her. Her hands obstructed her view but she knew he was still standing there looking at her like she deserved to be treated well.

Shinji stood right beside the chair he was once sitting in as he understood that’s why she was crying yesterday and even now. He couldn’t ask her anything else, the fact that someone as kind as Maya was being hurt was enough to make his heart ache but seeing her crying right in front of him made it feel like it was breaking.

“I…” Maya turned towards the door, reaching for her ID as sought to unlock it, “I’m sorry for everything!”

She shouldn’t have told him those things but she didn’t have the strength to tell him that he should just try and forget all about her and what happened yesterday. That would be good. If he did that, then things could go back to how they used to be. That would be the best way to go about things. It would definitely be the best thing to-

“I think you’re really pretty...” He stopped her rambling mind with the truth, something he always thought, “You don’t look like a boy to me Maya.”

She was still crying, tears running down her face as she fumbled her card in her hands and ultimately dropped it. Her heart started to beat harder and harder as he started to come closer and closer until he bent over and picked up her ID.

He looked over it, the smiling face of the woman on the card completely different than how she looked now but she was still beautiful. She obviously had her problems but she had the decency not to unleash how she really felt whereas he did every time he encountered an Angel.

“Trust me.”

Those were words he shouldn’t have said, words that meant he would let her depend on him but this was wrong. This wasn’t a healthy relationship. It wasn’t the type of relationship that people would take kindly to.

“Shinji…” She wanted him to back up, to run away from her even but she knew that she really wanted him right where he already was, “It makes me feel too hot… when you get that close…”

This wasn’t lust.

It was greater than that, something that couldn’t be described. This was rage on a scale so great that she would go blind if she didn’t make him cry but she didn’t want to hurt him at all, she wasn’t even angry. This was hatred so intense that she would desecrate his grave but she loved him too much to kill him.

Above all else, this was clearly insanity.

Shaky hands grasped his shoulders in a feeble attempt to push him back but she only ended up grabbing him. He accepted her, the dirty and disgusting her with open arms and she wasted no time with pleasantries. She nearly crushed her mouth against his, her hands dropping to his back as she kissed him with everything she had.

The door was locked.

He was shocked, his eyes wide open as she pressed her tongue against his. It was cute. Too cute for someone that was supposed to be like her. She had to dirty him just a little bit more then they could be together for sure.

She was wet, the desire to touch herself something she held back just for him.

It was a sloppy kiss, saliva spilling as she tried he tried to match her pace. He was trying so hard that his dedication alone made it feel like she was boiling but…

They need way more than this.

Maya suddenly stopped, the steaming kiss halted as she dropped to her knees. His pants fell faster than they did yesterday and she wasn’t in the mood for anything less than what she really wanted.

The conscious part of her mind was still working but he wouldn’t be able to comprehend how much she needed this. She breathed on his member the moment she exposed it, his embarrassment short-lived as his manhood started to grow under her attention.

“I love it…” She touched him, a loopy smile on her face as she looked up at the pilot, “You’re too cute Shinji.”

His erection stood and she took it into her mouth. The warm breath she blew on him was nothing compared to the moisture wrapped around him now. The same lips that were pressed against his were surrounding his dick.

Then she moved…

Everything moved.

Her lips slid down his length just like her hand and his dick invaded her mouth all over again. Her tongue caressed him, her fingers gripped his shaft just hard enough to hold him but what she was doing guaranteed he was not going anywhere.

It felt too good, much better than what she did yesterday. This celebration of touch, this rhapsody of pleasure pulsed inside of him and he knew he couldn’t hold back much longer, “Maya, I’m… I’m going to-“

“No, not yet…” She cooed as she moved her head back, his dick glistening under the glow of the projection, “You’re too cute so I have to tease you.” The glazed look in her eyes was proof that she was serious, “Will you make me feel good this time too?”

He nodded but that wasn’t what she wanted. She blew on his swollen shaft, this time her sultry eyes locked on his twitching member, “Shinji, you’re being too cute. I can’t do anything unless you tell me how dirty you are.”

“Y-Yes… I’ll make you feel good Maya!”

That was all she wanted to hear but she would give him something so much better for letting her have her way. She got up, blood once again flowing properly to her legs as she stood up straight. Shinji watched as she reached her arm back for the zipper and pulled, the mechanic sound of it going down promising that this was real.

Her uniform slumped, the fridges of her bra revealed as her clothes because loose. She pulled the skirt up and showed him something he only imagined. Her panties were clearly wet, stuck to her skin and outlining her sex.

Shinji licked his lips, his mouth dry as she pulled down her underwear. She was exposed more than he was now, the fact that he could see this much of her made him so hard it hurt.

“You’re so beautiful…”

His idle comment virtually set her on fire.

Maya stepped out of her panties and lifted her leg, her womanhood something he could clearly see thanks to the motion but it also provided him access to her virginity. At first, she just wanted to show him but now she wanted it… She wanted to feel as beautiful as he said she was.

“Shinji, come here.” She said with no hint of a tease in her voice, “Put your hand right… Ah, that’s good! Right there! Now move just a little bit closer…” Her orders were heavy with anticipation but they both felt the same.

She eased herself onto him as his he held her thigh, the sweat making it difficult to get a good grip but just touching her made him feel good. When the head of his dick dipped inside of her it felt like he had a fever.

It felt so good he became dizzy and then she moved, both of them shuddering as his length filled her. Her exposed back pressed into the cool metal of the door but she was too hot to be bothered by something so trivial. She could only think about in and out… It felt so much better than touching herself that she would go die if he stopped.

Shinji couldn’t hold back his load anymore and he shot it inside her without warning, his concern overshadowed by the lust that brought him this far. Maya made no mention of it as he leaned into her, beads of sweat dotting his forehead as he bowed his head. Their breathing was audible, easy to hear over the steady buzz of the hovering projection. The aquamarine glow from the table covered them, almost like it highlighted the act that neither of them would ever forget.

Maya lowered her leg as he released it, the craving for more something that waned with her desire. She was satisfied beyond measure with just this much but a small seed of regret started to grow inside her, nurtured by how she really felt about him.

The pace they kept earlier grinded to a halt, the frenzy that was sex becoming a quiet afterglow. He held her close, his arms tightly around the person that loved him but all she could focus on was that she did it again.

No, she definitely did something that shouldn’t have happened again but this was more than just a touch and a few words to bring about the reaction she wanted. The thing was that it wasn’t a rude awakening or anything of the sort. It was something she suspected all day.

She was crazy.

All she could do was shake her head from side to side as she took comfort in his embrace. When she was being held this close, she couldn’t cry but repaying his affection like this certainly made her feel like she was going to.

He said she was beautiful. Out of all the people to say something like that, it was the one who out shined everyone else. She didn’t even deserve to be graced with such a compliment but he was easily the most beautiful person she could think of.

“I’ll go with you when you’re on break…”

The warmth in her heart soared even though her spirits continued to sink. With misty eyes, she smiled at the kindness that she hoped she had the strength to push away tomorrow.

~*~

Maya hastily flushed the toilet as she felt another wave of nausea coming on. She was powerless to stop herself from vomiting, the feeling of throwing up one that assaulted her almost since the moment she woke up.

Somehow she made it to NERV but she was in not condition to even step out of the stall she was in. Her stomach was emptied but she knew that she wasn’t feeling like this because of something she ate.

She had sex with Shinji yesterday.

Just the thought made her bend over the toilet again.

She made it all the way back home without thinking about it in detail but she dreamed about it. Instead of a dream, it was more of a vivid memory that constantly reminded her of incidents that were best forgotten.

It was something she couldn’t just forget though. It felt too good to forget, it felt too good to just close her mind to the pleasure that came from just being in close proximity to him but wrong was still wrong and details were still details.

He wasn’t even wearing a condom.

The acid that burned her esophagus would be a familiar feeling as she threw up again, a weak push on the handle all it took to send it away. She had to go home. She couldn’t go around looking like this but he was going to eat with her today.

Maya grabbed some tissue and wiped her mouth, discarding it into the toilet as she stood up straight. She wasn’t going anywhere, she had to stay and have lunch with him.

Lunch with the boy she had sex with.

“Urk…!” She slapped a hand over her mouth but it was useless in holding back the disgust she felt for herself.

“Maya, is that you in there?”

Brown eyes became wide as she saw shoes beneath the door, the voice one she knew almost too well. She chose not to respond as she reached for another piece of tissue but she wasn’t the kind of person that didn’t leave without an answer.

“If you’re not feeling well then you have my permission to go home but, first, I need you to-“

She flushed the toilet but she wasn’t brave enough to open the stall and face the person that rejected her, the person that made her feelings the joke everyone laughed at during break. So she stood, silent as she waited for the blonde to leave.

Ritsuko quickly picked up on what was wrong but wasn’t nearly as fast to leave her alone, “I can understand you not wanting to be my assistant anymore but I already apologized for reacting like that. We can just pretend it never happened so let’s get back to work. We have a lot of-“

“I don’t want to work with you anymore Doctor Akagi…”

Ritsuko looked at the stall door, the small voice of the technician enough to make her realize that she was probably really ill. She reached for the stall door and gave it a slight tug only to find it locked, “Are you really alright? If you are that sick then I’ll drive you home.”

No reply.

“So it’s Doctor Akagi now?” The blonde sighed as she stepped away from the stall, “I’m not your sempai anymore?”

No reply.

“Alright Maya, what do you want me to do?” Ritsuko’s shrewd eyes never left the dull colors of the stall her former assistant stood in, “We’re not in grade school. We are grown women and we don’t have the time to be playing puppy love. I would like your help with some things since I got backed up after you requested to work in the cages. Just name what you want and I’ll do my best.”

The door to the stall slowly opened to reveal her former assistant. Maya stood straight up in spite of her agony and stared Ritsuko in the eyes, “I don’t want anything from you.”

“Fine.” The doctor muttered, crossing her arms as she glared at the woman in front of her, “If you feel well enough to act this way then I expect you to work.”

Bitch…

Was this the same woman she admired so much? This bitch was the same woman she fell in love with?

Maya narrowed her eyes at Ritsuko as she held these bitter thoughts inside. She must have been too deep within her own infatuation to notice that the blonde was always a slave driver, the type of person who placed work above all other aspects of life. The fact that she wanted to be with someone like her was enough to make her sick if she wasn’t already ill.

“Okay,” The technician said softly, her pale face retaining no emotion as she made her way pass the doctor, “What do you want me to do?”

“It’s simple really, I just need your help to defrag MAGI. I can’t monitor all three of them at the same time and it would be great if someone who had experience was there to help me.” Ritsuko let a small smile touch her features, “If you want, we can work out this… misunderstanding while we analyze the data.”

She couldn’t help but giggle at something so ridiculously stupid.

Maya laughed, her aching sides stretched as she leaned back and filled the latrine with laughter. The younger woman reached out and placed her hand on the tile as she continued to laugh, tears meeting her eyes as she couldn’t stop.

Look at data together? Talk to her? Spend time with her? Willing stay in the same place she did? Work with her? It was like a list of things she never wanted to do again as long as she lived so an offer to do all of those at the same time couldn’t be anything but funny.

“Maya…?”

She felt rejuvenated though, she felt like telling the good doctor exactly how she felt now.

“I don’t want anything to do with you,” She said, her meretricious words cutting just as deep as she wanted them to as her laughter abruptly died, “I don’t even want to hear your voice anymore. If you want me to do anything, leave a note and- No… I don’t want to see your handwriting. I don’t even want to see anything that has something to do with you.”

Ritsuko tried to say something, anything to stop this barrage of pure hate but her protégé wasn’t even close to being finished. Maya spun around, feelings too intense to be named swimming in the depths of her eyes as she continued.

“Don’t ever ask me for anything no matter what it is.”

“I thought it was a joke!” Ritsuko shot back, “That’s why I laughed! You never gave me the chance to understand or even talk to you after you ran away. Maya, you are talented and I need your help… I understand that you’re hurt but at least fill in for someone until I can release you. We can talk about this later but work needs to be done now.”

“I don’t care.”

A simple reply, something she honestly meant. She did not have a single concern when it came to MAGI, NERV, or even working in general… All she needed was him.

“Maya, I’m not going to beg but there are ways to make you work and I don’t want to use them. This is already insubordination on a scale I wouldn’t tolerate for anyone else so please just-“

“I quit.”

The authority that reigned over her was dismissed with nothing more than two words. Maya finally made her way to the sink and placed her hands under the faucet, the warm water that automatically came out all she used to wash her hands and face. She raised her head, water dripping off her face as she looked at herself in the mirror.

She did look like shit.

The bags under her eyes told the truth, she haven’t had a good night’s rest in days. Every time she closed her eyes, it was either Ritsuko laughing at her or…

Maya quickly slapped a hand over her mouth as she bowed her head. She didn’t throw up this time but the nausea was still unimaginable. For an idle thought to make her feel this way made her wonder how bad it would be when she saw him at lunch.

“You…” Ritsuko stood her ground, her shock causing her to stutter as her protégé made for the door, “Y-You can’t just quit like that Maya! You have to give us notice at the very least and, more importantly, this is far too vital a time for me to lose someone that knows as much….”

The technician simply nodded as she made her way to the door, ignoring the doctor as she stepped out of the latrine in search of the only person she cared about in the world.

“Shinji…” She looked down the hallway, swinging her head from side to side as she stuck her head out of the sliding door, “Shinji! I want to see you!” Maya yelled, the echo rebounding off the walls, “I want you Shinji!! Only you!”

Maya smiled, grinning as she stumbled out of the door. Her back met the wall on the opposite side of the corridor as she finally fell, her zealous stupor akin to being drunk, “Shinji!!”

Footsteps… The sound of someone, no it was more than one person coming. Again, she stopped laughing and peered down the hall awaiting no one other than the pilot she cherished with all of her heart.

The rational part of her knew it wasn’t Shinji but she wanted it to him so bad that it hurt. Maya rose to her feet, the steady sound edging closer and closer until she realized that it wasn’t only coming from in front of her but also from behind.

Ritsuko calmly stepped out of the latrine, closing her cell phone just as the Section 2 agents arrived and surrounded the lone technician, “Be careful with her…” She requested as Maya kept looking around, the crazed smile on her face making it apparent that she wasn’t doing any work today, “Take her to my office and keep an eye on her until I get-“

“Don’t touch me!!” Maya slapped the offending hand away, any attempt to restrain her halted as she screamed at the top of her lungs, “Only he…” She huffed, the primal look in her eyes joined the dangerous edge in her voice, “Only Shinji can touch me!!”

Self incriminating…

This was becoming more and more serious a problem than the doctor originally thought it was. Section 2 needed no formal orders to subdue her now, her own words used against her as she was forcefully subdued and slammed against the same wall she was leaning on.

“Let go!!” She thrashed about, trying her best to free herself but the agents heeded no words from a person in custody. The things she implied, what she said, and the way she acted lead to everyone including Ritsuko fearing the worst.

“Shinji… help me…” Maya whimpered as she started to calm down but she was conscious enough to realize…

“Maya,” The doctor stepped closer to the bound woman, sweat starting to form on her brow as she realized she possibly had a hand in causing her to become like this, “What does Shinji have to do with this?”

They knew her secret.

-Continued

Author’s notes:

I’m back with something to signify my return. ;_; This story is one that I pretty much wrote before I left, just needed to add a few paragraphs to close the chapter so I’ll probably be posting a revised edition later if I catch too many errors.

Either way, please try to enjoy Wait while I try to finish some other stuff. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.

~CF