The Comfort of Home

The Comfort of Home
by Tsutsuji
Date written: October 5-8, 2007
Fandom: Cardcaptor Sakura
Pairing: Fujitaka Kinomoto/Toya Kinomoto
Rating: NC17 - Adult
Warnings: yaoi, incest; explicit m/m sex.

Disclaimer: The characters of Fujitaka and Toya belong to CLAMP. I'm just borrowing them and I'm not making any money at it. This is a work of pure fiction and fantasy. The author is solely responsible for its content; and the author as well as the owners of any website where this story may appear do not necessarily condone the activities portrayed in this story.

AN: I clarified the warnings attached to this story because it barely qualifies as shotacon. According to the manga, Toya was starting 9th grade when Kaho left; you do the math. I guess I should also clarify that comments are really appreciated....

Written for Toreador_Rose's request for "Daddycest" at Fic_On_Demand, because there should be more Toya-yaoi fic anyway, and also because, even if Fujitaka is a grown man and father of teenagers, he's still a bishie too!

Summary: After Kaho leaves, Toya keeps loneliness at bay by renewing his previous intimate relationship with his father. (A PWP with a bunch of character stuff at the beginning and end, or as I like to call it, "Character-Driven Porn.")


~~~~~

Kaho said he shouldn't feel sad after she left, and so Toya didn't. It was easy enough during the soft, bright, cheerful days of spring. Then, three days later, it began to rain. Then loneliness seemed to fall from the gray sky into his heart, and grew heavier as the evening fell into night.

Usually, Toya didn't mind the rain. After the cheerful busy-ness of sunny days, a rainy night was the perfect time to enjoy the calm and quiet of home. But tonight, the house seemed too quiet, and memories of Kaho made the warmth of home feel bittersweet.

Sakura had been livelier than usual during the last few days, but now she said the rain made her feel sleepy. Sure enough, she fell sound asleep over her homework after dinner, and didn't even wake up when Toya carried her up to bed. After that, he took his bath and then went to his room, intending to study. Instead he sat on the bed and stared out the dark window, and just listened to the rain.

It rained a lot in England, too, or so he'd always heard, but Kaho had said she didn't mind the weather there. Toya imagined her sitting somewhere in that far-away country, and wondered if she felt at home there already, and if she was listening to the rain fall, too.

Over the steady, soft rush of falling water, Toya barely heard his father come up the stairs a little later, the pause of his footsteps and the quiet click of a door as he checked in on Sakura. He smiled a little; the monster had had a busy day and would sleep like an enchanted princess until morning - late morning, probably, if either he or his father didn't make a special effort to wake her up. He loved his little sister more than she knew, but she only had two speeds: full throttle and off.

He looked up a second later, mildly surprised by a soft tap on his own door.

"Come in," he said automatically, but he was glad to see his father's face peer around the door. The light from the desk lamp glinting off Fujitaka's glasses was a comfortingly familiar sight, but he looked worried.

"Toya? Is everything all right?"

Surprised, Toya opened his mouth to answer "yes," but stopped. From the look of concern on his father's face, he figured it was too late to pretend it was, even though he didn't think he'd let any of his sadness show. As soon as he hesitated, Fujitaka opened the door and leaned toward him, even more concerned than before.

"I'm all right," Toya said, but his father seemed to hear the uncertainty in his voice.

"I heard Mizuki-sensei went back to England a few days ago," Fujitaka said quietly. "You were close to her, weren't you?"

Toya stared up at him; fortunately the only light in the room was the little lamp on the desk behind him, so maybe his father couldn't see the embarrassing blush he felt in his cheeks. He didn't think he'd said much about Kaho over the past year, but somehow his father seemed to know how he felt about her. Fujitaka smiled sympathetically. The sadness Toya wasn't supposed to feel seemed to get caught in his throat. He nodded.

"Would you tell me about her?" Fujitaka asked gently. "I didn't really get a chance to know her very well."

Toya didn't think he wanted to talk about Kaho, but maybe he did after all, because he nodded again anyway. His father came in and sat beside him on the bed, and Toya thought maybe that was really what he wanted after all.

---

Fujitaka listened intently while Toya talked, although Toya didn't say very much about Kaho Mizuki that he didn't already know: that she was a student teacher, that she'd studied in England, that she was also a hereditary priestess at the Tsukimine Shrine, and that she was pretty and gentle and kind. He didn't know (but wasn't surprised to learn) that she also had some of that power to see things others couldn't see, like the special sense that Toya had, and maybe she could predict the future as well.

"She said we'll meet again in a few years, and just be friends," Toya said.

His voice was unusually flat and cynical. Fujitaka resisted the urge to raise an eyebrow; he'd guessed they had already been much more than "just friends," but he didn't ask how much more.

"She also said that by then, I'll love someone else," Toya continued, self-consciously shifting a little where he sat. "It sounds stupid, doesn't it?" he muttered.

Fujitaka shook his head. "Not really, and anyway I hope it's true! In fact, I'm sure it is, Toya. I know you try to hide it, especially from Sakura," he chided gently, "but you've got a very loving heart, and I'm sure you'll find the one person you can truly give your heart to."

Toya grunted softly, neither a yes nor a no, and shrugged. He frowned as if that outcome was extremely doubtful. Fujitaka put his arm around his son's shoulders.

"You can't help being sad about Mizuki-sensei," he said. "But remember you still have Sakura who loves you - even though you tease her! - and you have me."

Toya looked at him, and a rare, full smile crossed his face.

"Yeah. I know."

Toya leaned against him and sighed, relaxing into the fatherly embrace. Just in the past year he'd grown almost too tall to lean his head on his father's shoulder, but with another little sigh he shifted and bent down so he could do just that. Fujitaka pulled him closer, and closed his eyes to better feel the warmth of Toya's body against his.

He hadn't held Toya close like this for months, he realized - since shortly after Mizuki-sensei had arrived, in fact. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised at how much his son had grown in the past year, but it made him feel a little sad, as if he might be losing something. Perhaps he'd lost a part of Toya's heart to her, but that was only natural, and he never intended to hold onto his son's love too tightly.

Toya reached across him in a gentle hug, and tucked his head deeper against Fujitaka's shoulder, up under his chin, almost like he used to when he was small enough to sit in his father's lap. They were nearly the same height now, and his quiet, thoughtful teenage son seemed much too reserved to crawl into anyone's lap anymore, but Toya settled against him with a little squeeze of his arm. Warmth radiated from his embrace. Did it mean what it used to mean, Fujitaka wondered? If not, he should pull away and leave the room now, before affection and memory of past nights in Toya's bed turned to arousal. But if it did...

"Toya," he said softly, barely above a whisper. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

Toya nodded against his shoulder before he finished asking the question, and the arm across his chest tightened. Fujitaka's breath caught in his throat.

Toya pulled back enough to raise his head and look into his eyes. Fujitaka smiled, his heart melting with love for his son, even before Toya closed his eyes and leaned up to kiss him.

For a few seconds, it was as if all there was in the world was the sound of the rain and Toya's mouth on his, opening to his lips and teasing his tongue, shy and reserved yet as welcoming as ever. Fujitaka trembled a little as desire that had been quieted for months was reawakened. He turned toward Toya to pull him into a deeper embrace, while at the same moment Toya shifted around toward him so that their legs tangled. In spite of what Fujitaka thought a moment ago, his nearly-full-grown teenage son ended up half in his lap after all.

Toya's hand was on his hip, squeezing and pulling him closer; arousal coursed through Fujitaka's body and stiffened in his groin. He remembered how responsive to touch Toya had been in the past, and wondered if his son was hard for him already. The thought made him groan before he could stop himself.

Toya paused and pulled out of the kiss gently.

"I'm sorry, father," he said quietly. "I've spent so much time with Kaho, but I didn't forget..."

With a pang of remorse, Fujitaka remembered Toya's loneliness, and all the sadness he'd tried to hide for the past few days until it broke through this evening, enough to become clear to his eyes, at least.

"Toya," he said, brushing the hair out of dark eyes. "Is this really okay? I don't want to take advantage of you when you have a broken heart. I'll stay if you want me to, but only if you really want me to..."

An ironic little smile, almost a smirk, crossed Toya's lips and vanished. Fujitaka watched him, concerned and surprised, as Toya disentangled their arms and legs and pulled away. He prepared himself to take his disappointment out of the room in an instant if Toya had changed his mind. He'd never forced himself on his son, never once since the time when affection and an awkward explanation about new, adolescent feelings had led to exploration and discovery. He'd never had to, anyway. Reserved to the point of being enigmatic to most people, Toya had always let his father know what he wanted, if not in words then in actions.

He made his intention clear now by falling backward onto the bed, all but letting go completely of Fujitaka. Toya only held onto his shirt sleeve as he stretched out on his back, looking up at him as if to hold his gaze as well. His hair was still damp from his bath earlier; the sash of his bathrobe slipped loose, revealing his smooth, trim=muscled chest.

Fujitaka's breath caught again, wondering how and when his son, who had always been attractive, had now grown into this beautiful young man. He'd always watched both his children growing with quiet pride, but now he could not help but notice that Toya in particular had grown like the proverbial weed of a teenage boy in the past year; he was long-limbed but not awkward at all, and showed every sign of developing the same slim, athletic build Fujitaka had at this age. Toya's lips twitched, watching him look, and then he tugged lightly to pull Fujitaka down with him.

As Fujitaka leaned down over him, Toya reached up, smiling a little, and slipped one hand up under his shirt, while at the same time he shifted so that Fujitaka settled between his legs. The answer to the question he'd wondered about a moment ago also became clear, as the erection he'd been trying to control met the hard ridge of Toya's through the sweatpants he wore under his bathrobe. And if that wasn't obvious enough, Toya looked up into his eyes with his own dark, intense gaze, and said it plainly.

"I really do want you to stay with me tonight, Father... Please."

He raised his head for another kiss, and without any further hesitation, Fujitaka leaned down, slid his hands around Toya's waist under the robe, and kissed him thoroughly.

---

Toya wasn't one to let his body overrule his brain, but when his father held him close and the first stirrings of arousal returned he knew what he wanted, even before his father asked if he could stay.

The more he'd talked about Kaho, the more he'd realized that it didn't matter what he said; what mattered more was his father sitting close, listening and understanding, and the love shining in his eyes. When his father's embrace reminded him of the nights they'd spent together before Kaho had come into his life, it had felt strange at first, as if he was pushing her memory aside too quickly. Losing her wasn't the only loneliness that had been building in his heart, though, after all. Even though he loved her, even though she was far away now and even though he'd spent just as much time as ever with his family during the past year, he felt like he missed this intimacy with his father even more. Besides, if being close to his father like this made him happy, he had a feeling Kaho would understand.

That was probably part of the reason he loved her, and it was certainly part of the reason he loved his father. Each of them understood feelings he had that he could never put into words, even the feelings that didn't make sense to Toya himself. But there was also the comforting strength of his father's arms, the firm, soft, knowledgeable touch of his hands, and the gentle weight of his body when Toya pulled him down.

The taste of his kiss was so warm and familiar, Toya had missed it more than he knew, and it was so good to have it back again that he couldn't help making a little whine of protest when Fujitaka broke away. He reached up automatically, but Fujitaka had only stopped in order to remove his glasses. After setting them aside, he turned back to Toya and touched his face. Toya stared up into soft, brown eyes and saw the gentle smile there, touched with the heat of arousal and even a little humor. Toya smiled back, then turned his head so that he could capture Fujitaka's fingertips between his lips.

"Toya," Fujitaka murmured. He lowered his head to kiss Toya's throat, then spread kisses down across his chest and stomach, faltering now and then with a catch of his breath as Toya licked and sucked his fingers.

Toya spread and raised his knees to grip his father's hips, encouraging him to press down more, and then bit his lip to keep from crying out when their erections rubbed together. Fujitaka moaned softly, open-mouthed, against his skin.

At the same time, both men reached down to push sweatpants and trousers out of the way, each making small sounds of frustration mixed with tiny bursts of laughter as they fumbled together. They got Toya's clothing out of the way easily enough, but gave up for the moment on completely removing Fujitaka's trousers in their impatience for more glorious friction and heat.

For a while after that, they simply moved together that way, curled tightly around each other and rocking together. Fujitaka mouthed Toya's throat, lapped at nipples that Toya had forgotten could be so sensitive, and in between he moaned soft, wordless sounds and Toya's name.

Toya pressed his face against the top of his father's head, breathing in deeply between sharp breaths, sinking into the familiar, welcome scent. It felt so good just like this, with his arms around his father and holding on tight, and yet something was starting to build insistently inside him, wanting more. He needed more, a deeper closeness than this, a sharp desire to fill something that had opened up inside him at the moment his father put his arm around him earlier.

Blindly, Toya reached out to the side of the bed, where he found the table and the handle of the drawer by touch and memory. He was at an awkward angle to pull the drawer open and reach inside, but he was determined to find what he wanted and didn't want to stop what they were doing to get it. Fujitaka noticed, though, and pried himself out of Toya's embrace to sit back and reach into the drawer where Toya was fumbling.

"You still keep it here? Ah, good..." he said when he found what Toya had been looking for.

He held the tube of ointment up, squinting at in the dim light without his glasses, then he took the cap off and sniffed instead. The slightly fruity scent drifted down to Toya as well; he smirked a little and Fujitaka smiled.

"Ah, yes... beach-blossom," he said.

He held the tube out to Toya, offering him the choice of how to use it; Toya's answer was to shake his head and push Fujitaka's hand back, and then shift his legs a little wider. Fujitaka's gaze followed his movements, and his breath quickened. He set the tube aside, though, just long enough to finally slip out of his trousers, then settled back between Toya's legs and spread a generous dollop of ointment on his fingers.

Toya trembled, torn between closing his eyes to sink into the sensation and watching every movement as his father reached down to push one slippery fingertip inside of him. His breath became sharp and quick, his muscles clenched and released to welcome the invading fingertip. His face twisted into a grimace, but to make sure it didn't seem to be in pain or protest, he reached out and stroked shaking
fingertips over his father's thigh.

Fujitaka watched him closely, concerned but smiling as if he understood what Toya was feeling and couldn't say. He squeezed a few drops of the ointment onto Toya's fingers, then set the tube aside, and pulled Toya's hand up to his cock.

Toya alternated between watching his hand slide up and down the length of his father's erection, watching it strain and jerk in his hand, and tossing his head back with a stifled moan when Fujitaka twisted one and then two more fingers inside him. He spread his knees higher and wider, knowing his father would be gentle and slow but wanting more and faster.

In fact, if Toya was ever patient enough, he knew Fujitaka would take all night to prepare him until there was no pain at all, just as he used to do before Toya discovered that the pain was bearable and even pleasurable in its own way, all a part of the speechless pleasure of giving himself up to their desire for each other. Besides that, of course, age and experience allowed Fujitaka to take all the time in the world; Toya's hormones operated at a whole different speed.

Tonight, though, maybe because it had been so long, Fujitaka seemed nearly as overwhelmed as Toya felt. He sat back with a blissful expression on his face, eyes half shut and lips parted while he slowly pushed his long, slim fingers in and out of Toya. His cock was hard and pulsing in Toya's hand, the flared tip beaded with fluid.

Toya watched his father for a moment, let his gaze roam over the slim, muscular body that was usually hidden under suits and professor's robes and his scholarly demeanor. Even while Fujitaka was overwhelmed with pure arousal like this, deep inside the sensations, his face was still kind. His body, Toya thought, was perfect; he couldn't wish for anything better than to grow into an image of his father.

As if sensing his gaze, Fujitaka opened his eyes. He stared down at Toya for a few seconds, still with the same soft smile, as if to acknowledge all that passed between them. Then he put an end to Toya's moment of reverie when he reached down and closed his own skilled hand around Toya's erection.

"Yessss.... " Toya threw his head and his free hand back on the pillow and hissed before he could catch himself. A second later he decided it didn't matter, and pleaded "yes" again. His hips jerked into the touch, and without thinking he began to pump Fujitaka's cock in earnest, as if this would speed up the hand that was stroking him so slowly.

Fujitaka pulled his hand away from Toya's erection and held Toya's hand still on his own. Toya opened his eyes in surprise, and realized he'd started to loose himself, he was so close and it felt so desperately good because it had been so long since he'd been touched this way...

Fujitaka's eyes were dark and large, staring down at him, and his breath was ragged, but his voice was nearly as gentle as ever when he spoke.

"You're ready, Toya?"

Toya swallowed hard and nodded. He was so much more than ready! He needed his father's touch all over him and deep inside, and to show that he wanted it that way, he rolled over and raised himself up on hands and knees.

He heard his father's hissed breath, then felt familiar weight and heat against his back as his father leaned over him and shuffled forward, knees between his to spread him wider. Fujitaka's arms came around him from behind, crossing his chest and hips, but not yet moving lower. Toya felt the throb of his own erection hanging between his thighs; a single touch there now would take him past the edge, so he waited, silently longing for the next moment.

Fujitaka kissed his shoulder, his neck, his ear. Toya twisted his head around and found his father's mouth, just as the stiff tip of Fujitaka's erection pressed into him. He winced, but caught his father's groan in his mouth as Toya's tight pressure closed around his cock. It still hurt a little at first, but he welcomed the familiar ache and burn; instinctively he clenched against the invasion even while he rolled his hips back to take in more.

His breath caught in his throat and his chest tightened when Fujitaka sighed and whispered his name against his lips. There was no room left inside Toya for sadness, no way he could feel lonely while he felt so loved, and so full of affection and love as he did at that moment.

"Hold on, Toya..." his father murmured against his neck as he began to move, slow and steady. Toya dropped his head to the pillow to stifle the groan that came out with every slow, delicious thrust.
Dropping his head and shoulders like that only made it worse (or better), though, because it put Fujitaka at a better angle to sink deeper inside him. Toya held on for him, even though his body ached for release. He concentrated on the pleasure of feeling filled, trying to ignore the urgent straining of his cock.

Fujitaka gradually, oh so slowly, built up the pace of his thrusts, all the while stroking Toya's back and thighs and arms and murmuring words of appreciation. Toya held on as long as he could, because it was good and because Fujitaka wanted it to last, but eventually his moans became sharper and he shuddered.

"Father!" he pleaded. He didn't mean to; he wanted this to last all night, or forever, but the plea leaked out of him anyway.

This time Fujitaka whispered "yes" against his skin. His hand was warm and slick when he curled his long fingers around Toya's cock.

The touch seemed to shoot all through Toya's body, right out to his fingers and toes and out through the top of his head. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. Fujitaka stroked him gently, but it only took a few strokes before Toya gasped, stiffened, and pressed his face into the pillow He came so hard there were tears his eyes.

Even before he was done, his father began to thrust quickly into him and murmured something against his back. Toya couldn't make out the words between his own gasps as he finished. Before he'd caught his breath, Fujitaka shuddered deeply, drew in a sharp gasp and choked back a cry as he pulsed deep inside Toya. It only really hurt then, and only because Toya's heart clenched so tightly with love as his father's voice broke on one final, soft sob of release.

Spent and shuddering, they sank down onto the bed together afterward.

Toya knew he probably didn't have to whisper "please, stay," or hold onto this father's hand when they slipped apart, but it was as close as he could come to saying how he felt, and he had a feeling his father understood that perfectly. Fujitaka smiled and pulled away, but only so he could clean them both up a little with tissues from the bedside table and shed the rest of his clothes. Then he climbed back into bed with Toya and pulled the covers over both of them.

"Of course I'll stay, Toya," he said, gathering him in his arms again. "As long as you want me to."

Toya sighed contentedly, knowing it was true. His father would certainly stay with him tonight, or any other night - even if he did fall asleep almost immediately. Toya felt perfectly content to lie awake for a while with the rain outside and his father's arms around him. In fact, he felt more rested now than he did earlier, when sadness over Kaho weighed him down. He probably could have gotten aroused all over again with the slightest encouragement, but that, as his father once said, was the glory of youth; he needed a little more time to recover. Not that Fujitaka was so very old or lacking in stamina. He could still beat Toya in a sprint anyday.

It didn't matter at all to Toya that most people thought they shouldn't share this intimacy. He felt certain Kaho would understand it too. Maybe she had even known about it; she always seemed to know things that no one told her.

He wondered again about what she'd said before she left. You'll find someone else to love... If she was right (and he grudgingly admitted to himself that she usually was), it might be someone he hadn't even met yet. He would always love his father, and he would probably always love Kaho too, in a way.

Once you give a part of your heart to someone, you don't ever really get it back, he thought. How much more of his heart could he give away? Could there really be anyone else he could love this much? It seemed impossible.

Toya shifted a little in Fujitaka's embrace, enough to look over his shoulder at his father's sleeping face, gentle and smiling as always. One thing seemed clear to him, now, if it hadn't been before. He'd always felt happy being with Kaho, and he knew he loved her; she was pretty, and soft, and he'd enjoyed her touch. Apparently, though, his deeper desires ran in another direction entirely.

In fact, if Kaho was right, the one he loved would have to be as much like his father as possible. He would have to be as loving, gentle, athletic, and talented as Fujitaka, and maybe even look like him, if that was possible.

He was certain nothing less could win his heart.

---

Fujitaka woke up some time later, with the scent and memory of Toya's body filling his senses so intensely that it seemed to pull him outside of himself. He knew he was lying in bed with Toya, and yet he saw himself and Toya lying in bed together, bathed in the silvery glow of moonlight from the window, as if he was looking at the scene from a distance. They were spooned together as they'd fallen asleep, although somehow Toya was behind him now with his arms wrapped around him and a sweet smile on his dreaming face. (And he was certain he remembered taking off his glasses earlier, but maybe he'd forgotten...) It was strange and yet not strange to watch himself from outside like this, to see himself - or was it someone else? - sleeping there with Toya, and then suddenly with a mixture of relief and disappointment he realized he was dreaming.

In the way of dreams, Fujitaka looked down at himself and knew that it was someone else entirely whom Toya held in his sleep, and he also knew with certainty that Toya was happier than he'd ever been. That realization filled his heart with a rush of love and joy so sharp that he woke up - certain he was awake this time, because of course there was no moonlight; the rain still fell softly and steadily outside Toya's window.

He leaned over carefully to look down at Toya, who was sound asleep, breathing softly. His face was peaceful, dark lashes soft on his cheek, and his lips curled in a gentle smile. The sadness that Fujitaka had seen there earlier was gone.

Fujitaka smiled at himself. Of course, he didn't have prophetic dreams; Toya was the only one in the family now with psychic powers like that. The dream was only a reflection of his hope for his son's happiness.

"I'll always be here for you, Toya," he whispered, barely mouthing the words, with Toya's hair brushing against his lips. "But I won't hold on to you. When you find the one you love, I'll certainly let you go. I love you too much to keep your heart all to myself."

For now, though, he wrapped his arms around Toya gently and soon fell asleep again, listening to the rain and the steady beat of Toya's heart.


~~~ The End ~~~